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Bobby frowned when he finally spotted Buck. He was laid out on the sofa in front of the TV, dozing with a bottle of water in his hand and an opened pack of crackers resting on his chest.
“Rise and shine, Buckley.” He called, startling the man from his slumber. Luckily he didn’t spill.
“Yeah, Cap? M’up. There a call?”
Bobby shakes his head fondly. “No, but it’s your turn to mop up the garage and after all this rain—“
Buck nodded along, doing a little stretch as he stood. “Got it, Cap.”
“Hey, Buck—when you’re done, why don’t you take a proper rest in the bunkroom?”
Buck turned gave him a tired salute as he barreled his way down the stairs and into the supply closet to collect the mop.
Unfortunately, a five-alarm fire at a multi-family structure halted Buck’s progress halfway through, and he never did get that nap.
At least the team was off for the next few days; Bobby was sure Buck would get some sleep when he got home.
It's the first day back for their shift and Buck somehow looks even more tired than he did three days ago.
Bobby pulled him aside, sitting him down in the locker room for a chat.
“You look dead on your feet, Buck. Anything I need to know about?”
Buck shook his head with a smile. “Nah, Cap, everything’s a-ok here. Just been really busy lately.”
Bobby nodded along, not at all convinced. “Ok, but you let me know if that changes.”
“Sure will! If that’s all…?”
Bobby sent him on his way.
Two days later and Bobby has called Buck into his office.
"What were you thinking?! You could have gotten both you and Eddie killed, you know that?"
"Y-yeah, Cap. I know. I don't know..."
"You weren't thinking, that's the problem! You know, I can actually respect those times that you take the initiative and rush in with that great big hero complex of yours, but this? This was just negligence." Bobby's tone is low and angry and it's activating a fight-or-flight instinct that Buck thought he had buried long ago.
"You're right, Cap. There's no excuse."
Bobby nodded. "None; glad we're in agreement. Get out of my sight."
"Yes, sir."
Bobby watches Buck slink away, shoulders drawn in and head hung low.
"What is going on with you, kid?" He wonders aloud, something in the pit of his stomach twisting.
The following week, Bobby gets a call from their rep from the city accounting department.
“Captain Nash, can you advise why one of your firefighters has worked…” the nasally voice pauses for a second, “twenty seven days in a row?”
Bobby pinches the bridge of his nose. “What? Who—wait, no, never mind, I know exactly who it is.”
“You know with the new policies, city employees can no longer—“
“Yeah, no I got it. I’ll talk to him and it won’t happen again.”
When Bobby comes out of his office, he encounters Chim and Eddie talking quietly to each other just outside.
“Cap, you look—well, let’s just say I hope I’m not the person who put that look on your face.” Chim quips, trying to break the sudden tension in the air.
Bobby glances between them, gaze settling on Eddie. “Where’s Buckley?”
Chim raises an eyebrow at the use of Buck's full last name and shuffled back a step before waving at an invisible person across the way and beating a hasty retreat.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about him,” Eddie starts, but Bobby just shakes his head.
“I’m pretty sure I know what it’s about and I’m going to take care of it right now.”
“In that case, he’s ‘stocking the ambulance’.”
Bobby gave him a grim grin. “Why do I hear air quotes in that sentence?”
“You’ll see.”
Bobby took the seat next to the gurney in the back of the ambulance, huffing out a loud sigh at the scene before him.
Buck lie on the gurney, one arm flung over his face to block out the light, one leg on the floor and one open case of gloves nestled beside him, their cabinet door open and half-filled.
“You know, the bunk is much more comfy.”
Buck startles, glancing around blearily before settling his wrist back over his eyes and humming a little. “Hmm, Chris? M’not asleep. Just restin’ my eyes.”
“Buck?” Bobby tried again, but he received no answer. He reached out to shake him and at the same time the alarm sounded. Buck jerked to his feet, spilling the case of gloves in his shaky effort to stand.
“M’up!” He called, looking confusedly around the back of the ambulance for a second before spilling out the back door and following Eddie toward the ladder truck.
“Absolutely not!” Bobby was using his Angry Captain voice and everyone else kind of looked away as they jogged to their respective rigs. “You’re man behind, Buckley. And if you’re literally anywhere in this station but asleep in your bunk when we get back, you’re suspended. Got it?”
Buck’s lip honest-to-god wobbled as his eyes flooded with tears. “Yeah, Cap. Crystal clear.”
He spun on his heel to rush away, but the movement was too much. His vision went white at the edges before tunneling to pinpoints and the words of his team were lost as his ears began to ring and it’s a testament to how far gone he is that he doesn’t feel a thing when his body smacks butter-side-down on the floor.
It was almost six in the morning when Buck finally woke. He was unbelievably tired and for some reason his face hurt.
He shuffled out of the bunkroom and up the steps, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. Did he have a sinus infection? He was so achy and tired—he hoped he wasn’t getting sick.
He found Bobby sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and the paper open to the crossword.
They locked eyes and suddenly he remembered. He touched the bridge of his nose again, wincing at the rush of pain and memories. “Fuck.”
Bobby just shook his head and went back to looking at his crossword.
“Mornin’, Cap.” Buck grunted in an attempt to brush off the awkwardness as he headed to make his own cup of coffee. “Listen, I know you’re probably mad at me for falling asleep on the job yesterday—“
“Buck,” Bobby tried to interrupt, tone exasperated and fond at once.
“—and then also I guess probably for the fainting—“ Buck rushed on only to see a flash of outrage so severe in Bobby’s expression that he stuttered to a stop, averting his eyes to the floor.
Bobby took a deep, calming breath. “I’m not mad, I’m worried. C’mon, sit down and let’s have a talk.”
Buck hummed his assent and joined him once he had his cup of coffee just right.
Bobby stares at him for a long time. So long that Buck almost starts to talk, to explain, to excuse—
“Do you need money?”
The words Buck was about to spill died on his tongue. “What?”
“I don’t mean to pry—and I hope you don’t think I’m out of line—but if you need something, you can come to me.”
“Whoa whoa, Cap—no. I’m doing just fine.”
Bobby’s face folds incredulously. “I don’t call this fine, Buck.”
“N-no, I just haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately, so you know—“
“Why have you worked for the last twenty seven days in a row?”
“What?” Buck laughed, shaking his head. “No, that’s not right. I had a day off like…two weeks ago.” But after he says it, he seems to really think on it. “Wait…when did we all go to the beach?”
Bobby does his best to hide his exasperation. “That was just over a month ago.”
“Oh.”
Bobby frowns. “Yeah, ‘oh’. Buck, if it’s not for the money, why are you taking on all these extra shifts?”
“Oh man, Bobby I promise I didn’t mean to, I just didn’t realize. HR must be breathing down your neck after the new rule. I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again.”
“Buck, that’s not what I’m asking and that’s not what has me worried.”
Buck sat back in his chair, surprised. “Oh, uh well I covered for one of the guys on B shift a couple of times—his daughter’s in a play; like a real one with ticket sales and all that—and he wanted to go to all her performances. And there was that weekend for the new lady on C shift—she and her wife are expecting and they wanted to do one of those ‘baby moon’ things where you go and take a trip for the last time before the baby comes. Oh and last week when the B shift guy I swapped with was covering my shift, I covered Chim's so he could—“
Bobby raises his hand, stopping Buck in the middle of his thought. He drinks his coffee as Bobby collects himself.
“Listen, I know you’ve got a big heart, but you’ve got to start thinking about yourself.”
Buck goes red and sheepish. “It’s ok, Cap—really. I don’t mind covering for people when they’ve got family things going on. I mean, I think I may be the only one in the station that doesn’t have someone to go home to. Holidays, weekends, extra shifts—they’re no real hardship on me.”
Bobby opens and closes his mouth a few times before finally standing and gesturing for Buck to follow him.
He takes them down to the locker room, both of them squinting a bit when they flipped on the bright fluorescents. He took Buck to the sinks and made him face himself in the big mirror behind them.
“Buck, look at yourself and tell me again that sacrificing literally all your free time is no hardship.”
He tries to shake it off at first, to turn away from what Bobby is so desperately trying to show him but when the hand on his shoulder does not relent, he does as he’s told and looks at himself; really looks at himself and he sees.
He’s lost weight. He honestly can’t remember the last time he ate an entire meal, now that he’s thinking about it. The bags under his eyes are certainly made worse by the double-shiner situation he's developed after smacking his nose into the floor, but he could tell they'd be pretty dark on their own. His skin is waxy and his hair is dry and he looks like…like…
“I look like a zombie.”
“Yeah, kid.” Bobby gently pulls him till they’re face-to-face, his hands two solid points of contact on Buck’s upper arms. “You’re breaking my heart, here. You’re too self-sacrificing for your own good and you’re going to get yourself or someone else killed.
“You say you don’t have anyone to come home to, but Buck—you have us. You’re supposed to come home to us. Son, we love you and we want to see you happy and healthy and this? This is not conducive to that.”
“M’sorry.” Buck can’t quite meet Bobby’s eyes and his entire body is lightly trembling. “I really wasn’t doing it on purpose; I just wanted to help out.”
Bobby pulls Buck in for a hug, rubbing the back of his head a little when he tucks it into his shoulder. “I know, but you can’t let it happen again, understand? You need your rest to be at your best.”
Buck sputters a laugh into Bobby’s collar before pulling back and wiping a tear from his eye, affecting a silly grin. “Oh god that’s the most ‘dad’ thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“Yeah, well keep it up and I’ll get Athena to embroider it on a pillow so you can have it as a constant reminder.”
Buck cocks his head to the side. “Athena can do that?”
Bobby slung his arm around Buck’s shoulders and led him toward the doors. “Athena can do anything.”
“Yeah,” Buck nods along, “that tracks.”
Buck is officially logged off duty for the rest of the day, and he’s unofficially sent to the bunks instead of home so he can get some more rest under the watchful eye of the 118. Eddie eventually takes him home (of course not to the loft, Buck—you think Christopher is letting you out of movie night? I don’t think so. We’re just gonna order pizza instead of you cooking for us so you can nap till it’s time for dinner. I don’t wanna hear anything but a ‘yes, babe, you’re right babe, you’re the best babe’ out of you, either.) and Bobby calls in a few of Buck’s well-deserved shift-covering favors and works it out so that he has the next three consecutive days off.
He might also sneak Eddie off for two of them, too.