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“See this,” Bill said, gesturing to the boy hyperventilating on the wooden steps of the Mystery Shack’s porch. “This is a trauma boy.”
Wirt struggled to control his breathing, one hand clutching his chest. “I am not,” he paused to swallow, “a trauma boy.”
Dipper stepped between Bill and Wirt, always eager to play the hero. “Bill, stop teasing him. Wirt, are you okay? Come inside, I’ll get you some water.”
He led Wirt inside and sat him down at the kitchen table, Greg and Mabel quick on their heels. Bill followed, not at all sulking.
Greg was fretting over his brother in the same way any twelve-year-old kid might; By encroaching on his personal space and asking questions a mile a minute. “Wirt? Are you not feeling good? Is it because Bill mentioned the Unknown? ‘Cause we almost died there? Remember that, Wirt?”
Wirt groaned and put his head in his arms on the table.
Mabel spoke up cheerfully, clapping her hands together. “Hey, Greg! Why don’t you and I go play some video games?”
Greg turned to her excitedly before pausing and looking reluctant. “Ah, sorry, I can’t right now, I gotta take care of my brother.”
Even from his position, face down on the table, Wirt huffed out a fond laugh.
Dipper spoke up next, setting a glass of water by the table near Wirt, who looked up and gratefully downed in. “Actually, Greg, I think I’ve got this one. Besides, I really need to practice my ‘comforting-little-brother’ skills.”
Greg turned his wide eyes to Dipper now. “You’re a little brother too? But you’re a twin!”
Dipper laughed, “True! But Mabel was born five minutes before me.”
Greg nodded in understanding and considered Dipper’s request. “Well, I guess if you think you can handle it...I’ll leave the little brother-ing to you today!” And with that, he took Mabel’s hand and pulled her towards the door. “So what games do you have?” he asked excitedly.
Once they were out of earshot Wirt gave Dipper a lopsided smile. “Thanks,” he said.
Dipper returned the smile and sat at the table next to him. “Don’t mention it. Hyperactive siblings, I know how to deal with. And gnomes. I also know how to deal with gnomes. Just. FYI.”
Bill rolled his eyes and joined them at the table. Dipper gave him a flat look. “Hey, Bill, don’t you have anything else you could be doing right now?”
Bill looked at Dipper seriously. “Oh yeah, totally,” he said making absolutely no move to leave.
Dipper sighed. “Sorry about him,” he told Wirt, which, rude, Bill was right here. Wirt just shrugged and lowered his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it? The Unknown?” Dipper asked cautiously.
Wirt pressed his lips together and shook his head curtly.
“Okay, no prob,” Dipper was quick to assure him.
It looked like he was going to say something else, but Ford’s voice from below them sounded loud and insistent. “Dipper! We got a code chartreuse! I need you down here immediately!”
Wirt looked at Dipper in alarm. “What’s a code chartreuse?”
“You won’t want to know,” Dipper sighed. “Coming!” he yelled down to Ford, then smiled at Wirt. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Wirt gave him a small nod and Dipper disappeared behind the vending machine.
Wirt blinked. “The stairs to the basement are behind the vending machine?”
“We’re a weird family. Don’t ask,” Bill replied.
Wirt turned his wide, apprehensive eyes to Bill and swallowed thickly. “How- How do you know about the Unknown?”
“Oh,” Bill said, leaning his chin on his hand and smiled slowly and predatorily. “I know lots of things.”
Wirt furrowed his brow and pouted as if he thought he was being teased.
Bill huffed out a laugh. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about the Unknown.”
“I don’t,” Wirt said immediately.
“Good,” Bill shot back. He wasn’t sure why he was giving the kid such a hard time, other than the simple fact that he found him annoying. It had nothing to do with how close he and Dipper had gotten. Definitely wasn’t that.
Bill scoffed to himself. What was it that Pinetree saw in this kid? Why was he being so overly friendly with him? Dipper had said that he felt Wirt was a kindred spirit, but Bill couldn’t see it. Wirt was nothing like Dipper. Dipper took charge where Wirt preferred to follow. Dipper had conviction and tenacity, where Wirt was meek and hesitant.
Although, Bill did suppose they had the same boy-next-door type of charm when it came to looks. His large brown eyes weren’t nearly as alluring as Dipper’s green ones, but Bill supposed he could see the appeal.
An idea came to him then. He smirked to himself and walked over to Wirt’s side of the table, taking him by the collar of his sweater and pulling him up out of his seat. “W-what are you doing?” Wirt asked, startled. His doe eyes got impossibly bigger.
Bill walked him backwards, forcing Wirt against the kitchen counter, leering as he crowded against him. “You could use a distraction,” he said. And Pinetree could use a wake up call. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to Wirt’s.
Wirt froze, entire body going rigid, but Bill was not deterred. He let his lips slide softly against Wirt’s, putting a hand on his waist, the other cupping the side of his head. He resisted being too harsh and forceful, even though he really wouldn’t mind batting this kid around. Better to catch flies with honey and all that.
After a few moments of no response, Bill started to doubt his plan was going to work. He wasn’t usually wrong about these things - he was confident in his ability to seduce even the straightest of men - but you never know when you’re just not someone’s type.
Who was he kidding, Bill was everyone’s type.
Just as he was considering backing off, Wirt shyly pressed forward, returning the kiss. Bill let a smug sense of satisfaction overtake him. There it is. See? Everyone’s type.
Bill licked the seam of Wirt’s mouth and hesitantly Wirt opened for him. Their tongues slid against one another and Wirt let out a soft whimper. Bill grinned inwardly and pressed their hips together, making Wirt gasp.
“Oh…” Dipper said in a small voice from behind them.
Wirt just about jumped out of his skin. Bill just calmly turned towards Dipper, not letting go of the boy in his arms. “Hey, Pinetree. Ford doing okay?”
Dipper looked at Bill coldly. “He’s fine. You wanna let go of our friend, there, before he has a heart attack?”
Bill shot Wirt one last smug smile and a wink before stepping back and leaving the two boys alone in the kitchen. He made his way to his room, licking his lips and thinking he might have underestimated Wirt’s appeal after all.