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When Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian start to raise their voices Jiang Cheng gets up to leave. It makes him—not quite nervous when his parents start to yell but it makes him restless and on most days it makes him sick to his stomach, like today as well.
And he learned that removing himself from the situation is still the best thing he can do, and it’s not as if his parents even notice him leaving, they are too busy to yell at each other.
Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli do notice though and of course they follow him into the kitchen, far away from the yelling, though it can still faintly be heard.
“A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian starts and Jiang Cheng shakes out his arms, hoping to alleviate some of the restless feeling.
“Don’t,” he says.
“A-Cheng, they are not even yelling at you,” Jiang Yanli says and Jiang Cheng works his jaw. “Do you really think leaving every time is the right decision?”
At that he can only stare at her.
“So you think sitting there in awkward silence while they tear each other apart is fun? And besides, they are not fighting because of you, you wouldn’t get it.”
“They are not fighting because of you, they are fighting because of me,” Wei Wuxian says with a frown and Jiang Cheng laughs at that.
“Of course they are fighting because of me. They are fighting because mother cares too much about me and father too little. If I weren’t here then mother wouldn’t even hate you so.”
There was a time during his teen years where Jiang Cheng almost hated Wei Wuxian because it felt as if everything was his fault but once the Nies practically adopted him and he went to therapy he realized that it’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault.
It’s not even his own fault, even though that was of course the second thought he had but that doesn’t change the fact that he and his poor performances are always the cause for these fights.
And Jiang Cheng can’t stand it anymore.
“I will be leaving now. I can’t listen to this a moment longer.”
“I bet they will calm down soon enough,” Jiang Yanli tries, wringing her hands in front of her chest. “We should just stay and wait it out.”
“No. It makes me feel horrible to hear them like this and I won’t tolerate it a moment longer. You can tell them I had a sudden stomach ache or something, if they even remember me,” he bitterly says and goes to retrieve his jacket.
His parents are still screaming at each other when the door closes behind him.
~*~*~
Jiang Cheng is no longer entirely sure how it happened but Nie Mingjue and Wei Wuxian are screaming at each other over dinner. He tries to tune it out as best as he can, but neither Nie Mingjue nor Wei Wuxian are quiet people by nature so of course it’s impossible to pretend that this isn’t happening.
“You don’t even deserve to call him brother, because you fucking suck at being one to him anyway!” Nie Mingjue yells right in Wei Wuxian’s face, who rears back with big eyes but his surprise only lasts for a second before he yells right back.
“You’re one to talk, you stole him from us and turned him against us!”
“That’s enough,” Jiang Cheng shouts out, now entirely fed up with this situation and he slams his hands on the table for good measure too.
“What, huh? You’re going to leave now like you do so often with our parents?” Wei Wuxian asks him, his voice mocking and Jiang Cheng can only stare at him.
“Yes, actually, I will be leaving now. Mingjue, let’s go,” he says to Nie Mingjue and takes his hand to clam him down at least a little bit.
“Oh, he’s allowed to come?” Wei Wuxian wants to know and Jiang Cheng frowns.
“We arrived in one car. We live together. Of course he’s allowed to come. What are you even on about.”
“I thought you couldn’t stand it when people yelled. That’s why you always left family dinner early, isn’t it? But it’s okay when he yells? You make absolutely no sense at all, Chengcheng.”
“Don’t call me that,” Jiang Cheng says on reflex even as his brain is still puzzling over Wei Wuxian’s words. “And why wouldn’t I leave family dinner when all my parents do is fight because of me?”
“Well, we fought because of you, too,” Wei Wuxian says with a mean glance at Nie Mingjue who puffs himself up as if he’s going to start yelling again any second now. “What’s the difference here? You’re just playing favourites.”
Jiang Cheng blinks at that.
“Yes, actually, I am playing favourites,” he then tells Wei Wuxian and drags Nie Mingjue off without a look back and without paying attention to Wei Wuxian’s outraged yells.
“You want to go home or you want to eat somewhere else?” Jiang Cheng asks as he drives them out onto the street and it takes Nie Mingjue a beat to answer.
“Home, please,” he says and Jiang Cheng nods, though he can’t help but to worriedly glance over at Nie Mingjue.
He seems deep in thought and he doesn’t seem to happy either but when Jiang Cheng reaches out for his hand he takes it, so Jiang Cheng figures that it can’t be too bad. It can at least wait until they are home, he reasons and then accelerates the car a little bit.
It still can’t hurt to arrive there sooner rather than later.
When they arrive at home Jiang Cheng doesn’t even get a chance to figure out what has Nie Mingjue this preoccupied because as soon as the door is closed behind them he turns around to Jiang Cheng.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asks and it’s so out of the blue that Jiang Cheng doesn’t even have an answer for it.
“I am, aren’t I?” Nie Mingjue mutters and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.
“Of course you aren’t. Where is this even coming from?”
“Well, you heard Wei Wuxian,” Nie Mingjue gives back, already heated and his voice is louder than it normally is.
“I am actually still hearing him, that’s how annoyingly loud his yelling was,” Jiang Cheng tries to lighten the mood but judging by the way Nie Mingjue glares at him it doesn’t work. “I heard him. What about it?” Jiang Cheng finally asks and Nie Mingjue deflates as if all his strings have been cut.
“You hate it when people yell. He said you regularly leave family dinner because of that. I yell often and loudly. And you can’t even leave because we live together. Even now you had to take me with you.”
“You think I’m afraid of you?”
“Well—I’m not sure of afraid but even if I am making you uncomfortable that is bad enough.”
“But you don’t make me uncomfortable,” Jiang Cheng promises him but when Nie Mingjue scoffs he knows that this will need more of an explanation.
“Alright, sit down. Let me get us something to drink and then we can talk about it, alright?” he tries and Nie Mingjue hesitates a second before he finally nods and allows Jiang Cheng to lead him to the couch.
“You stay right here, I’ll be back in a sec,” he says and kisses the top of Nie Mingjue’s head. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Nie Mingjue mumbles but he can’t quite meet his eyes.
Jiang Cheng hurries into the kitchen and back again and then he sits down right next to Nie Mingjue, pressing their legs together.
“Okay, listen,” he starts and tries to bring his thoughts in order so that he can explain this to Nie Mingjue in a comprehensive manner. “When my parents fight it makes me feel restless. Their fights make me deeply uncomfortable, so much so that I have to leave the situation.”
Nie Mingjue nods.
“So when I yell or fight with someone—”
“It does nothing to me,” Jiang Cheng cuts him off and takes Nie Mingjue’s hand in his. “I don’t know how to properly say it but—when you yell or get loud or angry—even at me—I know it’s not done maliciously. My parents—they are callous. They don’t care about me or for me, not really. My mother has this glorified picture of me and my father simply doesn’t care at all. So when they fight, that’s unbearable. But with you, it’s different. Yes, I don’t like it when you get loud; one, because you should watch your temper and your blood pressure and two because I don’t like to get yelled at, but it feels different when you do it. I know you’re doing it because you care about me, and you worry about me.”
“I yelled at you yesterday because you left the dishes in the sink,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng has to snort out a laugh at that.
“Fair. But you reminded me three times to do them and I didn’t. And even when you yell at me because of something like that I still know that you love me. Some dirty dishes in the sink won’t change that.”
“Of course it won’t change it!”
“See? And today, too. You fought with Wei Wuxian because he said a callous thing about me and you were trying to defend me. That doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I find it kind of soothing actually, that you’re willing to fight for me.”
“I would physically fight him, too, if you would let me,” Nie Mingjue grumbles and Jiang Cheng snuggles into his side.
“I don’t want you to get sued for assault. You know Lan Wangji would do it.”
“I know,” Nie Mingjue sighs out and slings his arm around Jiang Cheng’s middle.
“Having you yell at me or because of me is truly so comforting to me,” Jiang Cheng goes on, still feeling the need to explain himself. “At least I know that you mean it, you know? I would take you yelling at me over Wei Wuxian’s fake happy cheer or even Yanli’s forced calmness every day.”
“So you never felt as if you had to leave a situation with me?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng turns his head to press a kiss to his jaw.
“Sometimes I do feel that way but only because you drive me nuts and if we both give in to our temper than we’d have a real problem. But I never wanted to leave a situation with you because you made me uncomfortable or I felt threatened. I wouldn’t be with you if that were the case,” Jiang Cheng promises him and finally Nie Mingjue relaxes.
“Okay, fair, I have left a situation when you really got into it too for the same reason,” he admits and Jiang Cheng chuckles because he knows that.
“And that’s not so bad,” Jiang Cheng says with a nod. “Now can you please not take anything my stupid brother says to heart? It’s not as if he knows what he’s talking about, especially not when it comes to me or our relationship.”
“Alright,” Nie Mingjue sighs out and slumps to the side, taking Jiang Cheng with him so they end up sprawled over the couch. “I should have trusted you.”
“You do usually trust me.” Jiang Cheng says it with conviction because he knows Nie Mingjue does. “You just sometimes get a little bit lost in your head and then you tend to worry for no reason at all.”
“True,” Nie Mingjue admits and arranges Jiang Cheng on top of him to his liking. “And you would tell me if there was a reason to worry. You’re not one to simply tolerate and endure.”
Jiang Cheng hides his smile in Nie Mingjue’s chest because he’s no longer someone who does that thanks to Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang. It’s only since he came to know the Nie brothers that he realized that he has to speak out more often than he did before.
“And I certainly don’t suffer idiots,” Jiang Cheng adds on which now makes Nie Mingjue laugh.
“You’re a filthy liar. You suffer Wei Wuxian daily.”
“Ah, but he’s family. That’s a tiny bit different.”
“Well you better make me family soon then, so I get to be an idiot sometimes too, without having to worry you’re going to cut me off.”
At that Jiang Cheng raises his head.
“Excuse me, who says I’m going to propose? Maybe I was counting on you to propose.”
They have talked about this, briefly, a while back and they at least know where their relationship is headed.
“Mh,” is Nie Mingjue’s only answer to that as he hugs Jiang Cheng tightly to himself. “One of us is going to have to bite the bullet.”
“’s not gonna be me,” Jiang Cheng mutters into Nie Mingjue’s chest, even though that truly makes him a filthy liar because he has a ring for Nie Mingjue already.
He just isn’t ready to take the last step yet. Or at least he hasn’t been until now.
“We’ll see,” Nie Mingjue says knowingly and Jiang Cheng sighs.
Nie Mingjue truly knows him way too well already but it’s not something Jiang Cheng minds, not anymore.
He hopes they will get to learn new things about each other for the rest of their lives after all.