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It was barely midnight when it started raining, a weather perfect to stay in and relax after a long, tiring day with a hot cup of tea and some good company. But the doctor had other plans. Although he usually enjoyed moody weather because it gave him more excuses to not go out and continue his research or finish all the paperwork he had, he was actually more worried about the thoughts that kept bombarding his mind the past few months. Thoughts that he didn’t dare to poke around with, thoughts that had started to get out of hand the last week to the point he couldn’t fully ignore them anymore.
He needed to calm himself down and concentrate on the work in front of him, a task hard when he had to fight for his dignity by protecting his secret from Hyde, while said person was trying to poke around his mind and find out.
The accident one year ago was something that changed Jekyll’s life forever. At the start of their co-habilitation it was hard for both parties to find a middle ground to work with because of their vast differences, but eventually they managed to find something that satisfied both of them.
Hyde was nothing like Jekyll. He didn't care about rules or what was accepted by society, something that deep down Jekyll admired about him. He was cruel, chaotic and intentionally ignorant. Lust run in his veins and he would do anything to get what he wanted. And while Jekyll did not always agree with his methods he could hardly blame him, as he was the exact opposite of him.
Jekyll's thoughts that kept annoying him today, like every other day were simple. Why Hyde. Why did he have to share a body with him? Why did he have to share a headspace with a crazy egomaniac who kept putting them in danger with his actions? Hyde was an idiot and only cared about himself, but Jekyll valued his life and reputation enough to protect both of them.
“Y'know, you could take a break, Jekyll.” Hyde echoed in his mind and the doctor almost jumped, forgetting that they could communicate like that, too deep in his thoughts.
For a second, he let his guard down, almost letting his secret slip away. But he would take that to the grave. No matter how many times Hyde tried to get his filthy hands on information that he could use against him.
“No thank you, I'd rather finish this paperwork now.” he murmured back nonchalantly.
“Hmm~, but you've been sleepless for days and it’s taken a toll on our body you know. And I've been kind enough to let you keep control, sooo how about a deal?”
Jekyll raised an eyebrow. This couldn't be a good deal at all, it was Hyde offering it. But for once he let his curiosity win.
“You'll get to get some rest while I'll stay here. No alcohol, no sex, nor things that make you iffy. Just me lazing around in the basement. You trust me right?”
Jekyll knew that Hyde would smirk. He could feel it. Of course he didn't trust him but ... something inside him told him to agree. Deep down, he couldn't let himself disappoint the other. Deep down he wanted to make him happy. And if taking control of his, no- of their body would make him happy, then the doctor would oblige, at least for today.
“Fine.” he huffed. “But the moment I'm feeling better, we're changing. That’s my part of the deal.”
“As you wish~.” Hyde snickered in his head, imitating his butler’s accent.
The doctor walked into the room in front of his office, the laboratory, and mixed the formula together in no time with quick moves.
Pensively, he looked at the green murky substance in the vial.
“Promise me to be a man of your word, Hyde.” he begged.
“As always.” Hyde promised.
Jekyll nodded and downed the drug in one gulp.
The agony was intense, starting the moment the substance entered his system, although not as much as what it used to be. They were both familiar with it by now.
He felt how his entire body morphed and shrunk to match Hyde’s. He felt the usual grinding in his bones, the nausea and dizziness around his head. He did not feel the need to scream from the pain, nor was he scared or anxious anymore. His dark brown hair grew long and blonde and Hyde threw back his head to get it out of his eyes.
Hyde had finally the control of the body and Jekyll took the role of the voice.
“So,” he stretched as he took a seat on Jekyll's office chair, spinning on it and making the said man huff.
“I've been watching you y'know and I've noticed that you haven't been yourself lately.” he started to lightly tap his fingers on Jekyll's desk.
“What's troubling you dear doctor?” the shorter man smirked. It wasn't that he didn't care exactly. He had to keep Jekyll sane so he would keep brewing the drug to let them change bodies. He needed him so he wouldn't die out of boredom inside the doctor's head.
“I know you've been hiding something from me.” he teased, “I can see how you guard some of your thoughts.” a small pause, “It's not appropriate to keep secrets Jekyll, we're going to share this body forever, keeping secrets is useless.”
Jekyll hated him, for he was right. But he wouldn't tell him that nor what he'd been guarding with all his might since he got to know him better. No. He wouldn't let Hyde find out unless he decided to do it, and so he stayed silent.
“Is it about some maiden you want to fuck Jekyll? Did you finally succumb to your desire to pleasure your dick?” the blonde broke the silence. Of course he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything.
“No, of course not.” Jekyll replied, but if Hyde kept this up he didn't know for how long he could stay calm. Hyde had the wonderful power of annoying him to his core and considering the fatigue that brought him to this position in the first place, Jekyll didn’t have the upper hand in this situation.
“Maybe it's Utterson? You surely have strange interests Jekyll, I can find you better men.” the man waved his hand dismissively.
“Stop with this nonsense Hyde!”
But of course he acted as if Jekyll never spoke.
“Hmm, maybe it's Lanyon? Childhood crushes don’t usually work hah.” a snicker, “But Utterson was better. Maybe I should even do it for you! I don't think he'd mind, he looks like a faggot to me.”
“Just stop it okay?!” Jekyll was getting annoyed. He was getting anxious and angry and he knew that Hyde was enjoying this. Sprouting out the truth didn't sound so bad right now.
Hyde laughed.
“Oh, but why are you mad dear Jekyll, it's not that I did something bad. I'm keeping my promise am I not? I'm staying right here, but we never agreed on not speaking.”
Jekyll hated him even more this exact moment. Hyde could practically hear him growling.
“But based on you getting all defensive, I bet it's about liking someone. So tell me Jekyll” and with the usual damn smirk with the crooked teeth he continued.
“Tell me who is it, that makes you want to hide them from me? Who keeps you awake at night? Who makes you keep secrets from me?”
At that Jekyll gritted his teeth. He knew very well who kept bothering his thoughts but he wouldn't admit it yet. He didn’t want to.
“I promise I won't fuck them Jekyll and you know I keep my promises.”
And Jekyll screamed from his core, making Hyde flinch. He was crying, he could barely breathe even if he didn’t need to at this state. Having bottled up his feelings for so long his tears leaked through Hyde’s eyes when it wasn’t even him who had the breakdown.
“It's you, you bloody fuckface it's you.”
In his head, Hyde could hear Jekyll sob bitterly. He was probably having a breakdown about how he had known it all along, about how it was a bad idea. That he should have never succumbed to his feelings. That he should have never told Hyde in the first place.
Said person on the other was deemed speechless. He just couldn't believe what he had just heard, and was still trying to process what happened. Jekyll? Liking him of all people? Until yesterday he wasn’t even sure if Jekyll even liked people like that in general! Not only that, but he liked men! But of course he did, after all, Hyde was the incarnation of Jekyll’s secret fantasies, he should have guessed that a long time ago.
But liking him? As in wanting to form a relationship with him? Now that was unbelievable. Jekyll hated him, he hated giving away his body, he hated his own self too more than anyone else.
Jekyll's crying evolved into him brawling his eyes out. He kept thinking that now Hyde hated him even more, that he'd never get control of their body ever again and that Hyde would try anything to make him disappear. Maybe he’d try to harm him like he used to say at the start of their secret discovery. He didn’t want to think of what would happen, he didn’t want to think at all. But the intrusive thoughts wouldn’t stop like that.
Hyde himself didn't know what he was feeling. Shocked? Disappointed? Upset? Hurt? He had no clue and he wasn't going to hurt his pride to ask Jekyll.
“Hey... Jekyll you should calm down.” the short man whispered. It was the gentlest tone he could muster and Jekyll would lie if he denied being shocked to hear him speak like that.
“Why?! So you can laugh at my face? Spit on my dreams? Make fun of me until you're bored? No Hyde I won't calm down. I can't calm down. I can’t do anything right.”
The response was quick, his voice was hoarse and sobs could be heard between every word said.
“Because-” Hyde stopped. He didn't want to damage his pride but desperate times needed desperate measures. And he’d rather say what was on his mind rather than try and act like he could magically make everything stop. He was a liar yes, but not to Jekyll.
“Because I don't deserve this, and I need to know why.”
That seemed to do the trick. Jekyll's sobs started to fade away a bit as moments passed. His weak spot has always been logic and fairness, and he understood Hyde’s wish for an explanation, he deserved it.
“You're everything I can never be.” the response came out as a curt whisper.
And Jekyll continued.
“You're proud of who you are, you don't think about your actions, your words. You don't care about what other people think, you act to please yourself and be happy even if your methods aren't exactly the norm. You're just ... everything.”
Everything? No, he was just the usual micro criminal. Or that's how Hyde thought Jekyll viewed him. But his overflowing emotions were overwhelming and he didn't know how to handle them.
“Your looks are ... preposterous, your personality is awful and you as a person lack every common sense, but I love you and I don't know why I do.”
Jekyll had finally calmed down, having a burden lifted off his shoulders since he told Hyde everything.
“I know you hate me, and I do so too as well, let's just forget this happened and act like we always did. It will save us from trouble.”
“No I-”
Actions speak louder than words. That's what Hyde always thought.
Gently, he cupped his own cheek and closed his eyes, surprising even himself at the lengths he was willing to go just to feel his host calm again.
“Look Jekyll, you know I don't lie to you. And there's a reason why I never lie to you, and no it's not because I want to be on your good side so I get to have control from time to time. It's because I'm actually fascinated by you. I don't show it I know, but you know it's true.”
The man opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.
“You're not a coward Jekyll, you have to act this way for the sake of society. So let me be the burden. Let me do the things you'd never dare to do. And I promise you maybe, just maybe I'll try to change my behavior just a little bit.” he added with a smirk, his hand caressing his cheek softly.
Jekyll sighed. And with a smile, although he was just a voice inside Hyde's head, he nodded.
“I accept your proposal, Edward”
At the sound of his name, Hyde smiled.
“It might be tricky, but I think you can pull it off, Henry.”
Jekyll laughed. He laughed genuinely. Happy at the outcome. Happy that he did something for himself finally. Happy that he agreed to be selfish for once.
They stayed like that for a while. Hyde cupping his own cheek so Jekyll could feel more domestic and cared for while the other hummed softly in their headspace. It was his first time being gentle too, but both of them knew that they would learn a lot from this newfound relationship, starting from today. They would help each other grow and evolve as people and get better.
In the end of the day, no one else would understand them. They couldn’t even fathom the complicity of their relationship. But that was alright, all that mattered in the end was that they had each other.