Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Normally, in Camelot, curses were preceded by some kind of social event, where visitors were invited into Camelot, or at least some level of dramatics, where an angry sorcerer would criticize Uther, or the kingdom, or prejudice. Those curses, Merlin was used to. He could usually figure out who was responsible and fix it. But this curse happens on an ordinary day, with no clear suspects or reasons. This curse didn’t even kill anyone. The whole kingdom just woke up to a burning pain on the back of their left hands, a word or phrase seared into their flesh. Luckily, after the initial pain, there was no need for treatment, as the burns had settled into scars almost immediately.

After about the fourth patient to enter Gauis’ workspace, he and Merlin figure out what the meaning of the words are. They were the person’s greatest fear. Upon realizing this, Merlin immediately wrapped his hand in some torn cloth to create a makeshift glove that covers his mark but still allowed full mobility and function so he can go about his day unimpeded. He ignores Gauis’ sympathetic look and heads out the door, ready to grab Arthur’s breakfast and bring him the news of the meaning of the curse while Gauis informs the king.

By the time he had gotten to the kitchens, the word had spread and most everyone was talking about the curse. Now, most people were laughing with a friend about their embarrassing fears- like heights or jesters- but there were some, like Merlin, who had covered theirs up. He runs through the halls up to Arthur’s chambers, and takes a deep breath before entering. Unsurprisingly, Arthur is awake, most likely from the initial pain of the curse, and already dressed.

“Have you and Gauis figured it out?” He asks immediately upon Merlin's entry.

“Yeah, it seems like the words are everyone’s worst fear.” Merlin sighs as he puts down Arthur's breakfast on his table.

“Oh thank the gods.” Arthur sighs. Merlin gives him a questioning glance. “I thought it was like, what we were or something. I guess mine isn’t all that surprising then.”

“Oh, right.” Merlin makes a point not to ask, or look at Arthur's hand. It felt like an invasion of privacy.

“Would you go get my armor, we have training with the knights after I’m finished here.” Arthur says, eating the bread off his plate. Merlin nods and heads towards the armory. As he gathers Arthur's armor, Lancelot approaches him.

“Is it true? That the words are the person's worst fear?” Lancelot rubs the back of his hand.

“Yeah.”

“Is yours…. Telling?” He asks quietly, glancing around to make sure no one is listening in.

“Not outright. It doesn’t say anything like ‘someone finding out I have magic’. That would be a bit wordy.” Merlin tries to joke.

“Then why do you have it covered up?” Lancelot asks, brows furrowed.

Merlin sighs, looking around to check that they are alone, before quickly unwrapping his hand. He sticks his hand out towards Lancelot, showing the raised scar. Arthur Pendragon.

“Fuck.” Lancelot mutters.

“Yeah, he would be crushed if he knew.” Merlin says as he wraps his hand back up.

“That’s what you’re worried about? Not that your worst fear isn’t being burned alive, or killed, or everyone finding out your secret, but that Arthur’s feelings would be hurt if he knew? You spend practically all your time with him and he’s your worst fear?” Lancelot whispers, incredulous.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m afraid of him- well I am but not like- it’s more like-” Merlin sighs, pinching the bridge or his nose. “It’s more like all my worst fears revolve around him. Like I’m most scared of him finding out about my magic. I’m scared of him having to kill me. I’m scared of him finding out I’ve been lying to him- or gods forbid- how I feel about him. He is the person in the world who can hurt me the most. So it’s not like I’m shaking in my boots whenever I’m around him. I mean, I don’t think he’d actually try to hurt me unless he found out, you know?”

Lancelot looks at him hard, before sighing. “Yeah.” He seems to realize something. “What do you mean try to hurt you?”

“I mean, you know Arthur. The only way he knows how to show affection is with violence. I mean, when he punches you knights in the arm or pushes you or whatever, it doesn’t hurt you, but I’m not exactly strong like you all are. I bruise easily anyway, it’s not like it’s difficult to hurt me. I know he doesn’t mean to, it doesn’t bother me. Listen, I have to get this armor up to Arthur, I’m already late enough. I’ll see you in a bit alright?” Merlin walks off with Arthur's armor in his arms, not seeing Lancelot’s concerned face.

He opens the door to Arthur's chambers with his foot, struggling with his armful of armor.

“Took you long enough.” Arthur rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, Lancelot had questions about the curse.” He makes his way over to the table, trying and failing to put the armor down gently. He winces. “Sorry.” Arthur just sighs and motions for him to hurry up.

Soon they are on the training field and Merlin polishes his sword as he listens to the knights banter as they train.

“Seriously Leon, what a suck up! Your worst fear is seriously ‘Dishonor’? What are you trying to get a promotion or something?” Gwaine laughs.

“It’s not as if I control what my greatest fear is Gwaine. At least it’s not boring like yours! Just ‘Death’? That’s so vague!”

“That’s a perfectly reasonable fear, Leon.” Gwaine scoffs. “Plus, it’s pretty badass to have a scar that says ‘Death’!” He adds proudly.

“To be fair Gwaine, ‘Dishonor’ also makes a pretty cool scar.” Lancelot chimes in.

“Well what’s yours say then?” Gwaine laughs.

“..... Well now I don’t wanna say.”

“It is a bit personal, isn’t it?” Percival adds. They have stopped training now and are just talking.

“There’s nothing embarrassing about having fears. As long as you embrace it and work through it, live despite it, there is no shame in having fear.” Arthur says solemnly.

“You’ve literally said multiple times you aren’t afraid of anything.” Merlin scoffs incredulously.

“I’m not afraid of much. Monsters, bandits, that sort of thing doesn’t scare me. I’m only saying this because I can see some of you are struggling with this. Nothing I say leaves this group.” He looks sternly at the knights and Merlin. “Everyone is afraid of something. I myself,” He sighs, “I fear I won’t be a good King. Of failing Camelot. I’m good at fighting, but that skill doesn’t mean I’m fit to rule a kingdom. But I work at it. I am not shying away from it. I’m using that to become better. And I hope that because of that, I can be a good King despite that.”

There's a heavy silence.

Lancelot speaks up. “It’s kind of stupid, but mine says ‘fear’. I’m afraid of lacking courage.”

“Mine also says ‘death’.” Percival adds, Gwaine runs over to high five him.

“Same fear!” Percival rolls highs eyes

“Mine’s losing Gwen.” Elyan says.

They all look at Merlin, Lancelot having concern heavy on his face.

“Hey, I get it, this is some knight bonding thing, but I’m not a knight.” Merlin shakes his head.

Gwaine scoffs “You might as well be! You come with us on all our adventures, and have saved our lives a couple times. What? Is it super embarrassing or something?” Gwaine looks curiously at his covered hand.

Merlin shifts uncomfortably under the group's gaze. He looks at Lancelot. He waits too long before responding.

“Yep…… you know me. Haha, super afraid of everything. It’s very embarrassing.” He says, and they all look at him unconvinced, as Lancelot winces.

“Mate, that was the least convincing lie anyone has ever told.” Gwaine laughs.

“Look, if Merlin doesn’t want to share that’s ok.” Lancelot says.

“Yeah alright, but now I’m really damn curious” Gwaine laughs and ruffles Merlin's hair, dodging his hands as he tries to bat him away.

The rest of the training session goes smoothly, and the knights seemingly benefit from sharing their worst fears.

That night when Merlin brings Arthur his dinner, the prince is oddly silent.

“Is everything ok?” Merlin asks, concerned.

“Merlin, at training today. You seemed afraid to tell us what your greatest fear is. If it’s just embarrassing or whatever I’ll drop it but… Are you afraid of one of the knights?” Merlin freezes, almost dropping the pitcher in his hand.

“No!” He says, apparently too quickly.

Arthur snaps his head up. “Did one of them hurt you?” He stands up. “Merlin if one of my knights hurt you I swear to you, they will pay.”

“No, no it’s ok, no one hurt me.” Merlin says, trying to calm Arthur.

“Merlin please, why are you scared of one of my knights?” Arthur looks so concerned that Merlin swears he can feel his heart break.

“Really Arthur, it’s fine, you really don’t need to worry about it.”

“Merlin, it’s you, of course I need to worry about it. You’re clearly afraid. Please. You know you can trust me, don’t you?”

“Yes of course, it’s just not a big deal.” Merlin says, pleading with his eyes for Arthur to drop it.

“Merlin, if one of my knights is your greatest fear it is absolutely a big deal. Please.”

“It’s fine Arthur, really.”

“Please let me see so I can fix it.” Arthur pleads.

Merlin sighs. “You aren’t going to drop this are you?”

“No.”

Merlin thinks back on what Arthur had said earlier that day. ‘As long as you embrace it and work through it, live despite it, there is no shame in having fear’
“Can you promise not to freak out? It isn’t in the way you think, alright?”

Arthur nods.

“Please, Arthur.”

“I promise.”

Merlin pauses, before slowly unwrapping his hand and sticking it out towards Arthur. Arthur grasps his hand gently, dropping it as if it had burned him when he reads his name. He steps back, looking at Merlin in horror.

“I- I’m your greatest fear? Merlin if this about when I- when I throw things at you or- or threaten you with the stocks or whatever else when you joke around with me- I’m not- you have to know I’m not serious. I know I can be a prat but I- Merlin I would never hurt you.” Arthur is looking at him with so much sincerity it hurts.

Merlin smiles sadly. “It’s not that. I know you’re kidding. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose yet. Just, don’t worry about it alright.”

“On purpose? Yet? Merlin, have I hurt you before? What do you mean yet?”

“It’s not a big deal, I’m used to it.” Arthur physically recoils at this.

“You’re- you’re used to me hurting you?” Arthur looks so horrified that part of Merlin wants to laugh.

“I mean, kind of, yeah. I know you don’t mean to, I’m just not as strong as you or the knights. I bruise easily, and you and the knights are very… physical people. I know it’s how you show affection, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I take it as a complement when you punch or shove me. It makes me feel like you guys see me as a friend. I mean, as much as you can. I know I can’t really be any of your friends. I mean, with Lancelot we were friends before he became a knight so it’s a little different, but still. Plus, I know you never mean to hurt me! I mean that one time you threw a goblet at me and I didn’t duck in time you felt so bad, you didn’t throw anything at me for an entire week!”

“Okay, even though this information has me deeply concerned, I’m going to pretend like everything you said is reasonable, we’ll get back to that. You said yet. Merlin, what makes you think I would ever hurt you on purpose? I mean, you say things to me that are technically treason on a regular basis, what makes you think that anything would make me hurt you?” Arthur asks, his brows furrowed, looking like he wants to cry.

“Arthur please.” Merlin looks at the floor, tears in his eyes. “I want things to stay like they are.”

“If I’m your worst fear, then something needs to change, Merlin. Let me prove to you that you don’t need to be afraid of me.”

“Alright- just… if you’re going to kill me would you just do it here. It would really hurt Gaius and Gwen to see me publicly executed.” Merlin says, the tears finally rolling down his cheeks.

“Publicly execut- Merlin you think I would kill you?”

“Just promise me, please.” He looks at Arthur, wiping his tears away, laughing when more fall “Gods, I’m such a wimp.”

“You’re not-” Merlin looks at him pleadingly. “Yes Merlin, I promise.”

“Ok.. fuck this is hard. There’s a lot, could you just let me finish before you say anything?” Arthur nods. “Alright. Fuck I’m scared. Ok, here goes. I have magic.” He looks at the floor as he says it, not having the courage to look at Arthur. “I was born with it. My mom says I could move things with my mind before I could talk. I- I only use it for good- I use it for you- I would never hurt you or Camelot. I use it to protect you. I don’t even know where the tavern is.” Merlin laughs through his tears as he shakes. “Every time Gaius says I’m at the tavern I’m off trying to stop assassins and evil sorcerers from killing you or your father, or I’m breaking a curse, or whatever else I need to do to keep Camelot safe- to keep you safe. Every time when bandits or assassins attack us and I hide, it’s because I’m using magic to keep you and the knights safe- whether it’s making branches falls or making swords slip out of their hands, or stopping arrows or daggers, or making them trip- I use my magic to help. I use it to protect you. I would never hurt you.” At this point, Merlin is sobbing as he holds himself, shaking. “Please believe me Arthur, I would never hurt you.”

“Why did you come to Camelot?” Arthur asks, voice void of emotion.

“It wasn’t for a bad reason I promise! It wasn’t safe for me in Ealdor. I was having trouble controlling my magic. My mother sent me to Gaius in hopes that he could help me control my magic and that I could learn medicine from him. But then I met you and gods you were such an ass, and then I saved your life and became your servant and then I met a dragon who told me it was my destiny to protect you and help you become King, and I didn’t want to at first but then I got to know you and you turned out to be so noble, and kind, and strong, and good, and I could see the King you’re going to become and I wanted to help. And then you saved my life and you believed me when nobody else would, even though I’m a servant. And every time I see you hurt, it feels like my whole body- even my magic- rebels against my brain and even though it’s so scary to live here, and I’m so scared of you or your father finding out, and I’ve almost died several times while saving you, I can’t just leave you. And now I’m telling you and you’re going to kill me. But Arthur, please don’t think I betrayed you, I would never hurt you. I couldn’t. If you’re already going to kill me, I might as well tell you everything. I love you. I’m in love with you. I know this doesn’t change that you have to kill me and that you’ll never love me back, but hey, I’m about to die anyway.” Merlin takes a deep shaking breath as he finishes speaking, having trouble breathing through his sobs. He closes his eyes, waiting for Arthur to kill him. But he doesn’t hear Arthur drawing his sword.

“Merlin,” Arthur starts, his voice cracking, “Merlin look at me.”

Merlin wipes his eyes and looks up, tears still running down his face.

“I’m not going to kill you.”

“You’re not?” Merlin asks, afraid to believe it.

“No. Can I come closer? I won’t hurt you.” Merlin nods.

Arthur steps close, and Merlin eyes him wearily. He grabs Merlin's hand and runs his thumb over the scar.

“I’m sorry.” Arthur says after a moment.

“You’re sorry? For what?” Merlin says, shocked.

“That I ever acted in a way that made you believe that I am someone to fear.”

“You don’t- you don’t think I’m evil? That I’m a monster?” Merlin asks, another tear rolling down his cheek. Arthur wipes it away with the hand not holding Merlin's.

“You’re Merlin. You are loud on hunts on purpose to scare the animals away so they don’t have to die. You stop to look at butterflies and just last month you almost broke your wrist getting a little girl's cat out of a tree. Of course I don’t think that you’re evil, let alone a monster.”

“And you’re not mad that- that I….” He looks away. “You’re not mad I love you?”

“You’re an idiot.”

The next thing Merlin knows Arthur’s lips are pressed against his. Arthur is holding his face in his hands like he is something precious and Merlin feels his knees almost give out. Arthur smiles into the kiss and steadies him with a hand on his waist, and Merlin gasps at the contact. Arthur uses the opportunity to deepen the kiss, and Merlin makes an embarrassing high pitched sound. When Arthur finally pulls away Merlin’s hands are tightly fisted in the front of Arthurs shirt and his lips are red as he stares at Arthur.

“Oh. So you’re um- you’re really not mad.” Merlin smiles sheepishly and Arthur laughs.

“No, you idiot. I love you too.”

Chapter Text

The next day, Merlin and Arthur had a long talk about everything. Merlin told him about every time he used his magic to protect Camelot and save Arthur’s life. As far as their relationship, not much changed. They still spent all their time together, and teased each other, they just also held hands and kissed when no one was around. The first time that Arthur punches Merlin in the arm after that night, he does it gently, and Merlin almost cries. Arthur, of course panics.

“Did I hurt you? Oh gods Merlin I’m so sorry.” Arthur looks like he’s about to cut his own hand off the way he glares at it.

“No, no. Arthur, it's really sweet. It really does make me feel like you all see me as a friend. It’s just really nice that you did that so gently” Merlin grins up at him.

“Well now that I know I was hurting you I could hardly do that again. Also Merlin, we really need to talk about this whole the knights and I seeing you as a friend thing.”

“I know I know, you all don’t. It’s okay I get it, I'm just a servant.”

“No, that’s not at all what I was going to say.” Merlin looks confused. “For fucks sake Merlin, we all do see you as our friend. Well, I see you as a bit more than that, but still. Half of the knights are probably more loyal to you than they are to me.”

“Really? You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not.” Merlin doesn’t look like he believes him, but Arthur decides to drop it.

Merlin starts to notice that the knights, while still shoving him, punching his arm, and ruffling his hair, are doing so gently. He also noticed them addressing him as their friend multiple times during the next week or so. Merlin figured that Arthur told them about that part of their conversation and they pitied him. The way they reacted when they saw Merlin’s scar, though, really solidified that they were truly his friends.

Merlin was in the armory sharpening Arthur's sword, and accidentally nicked his arm, and decided he would use the cloth covering his scar to stop the bleeding until he finished, then stop by his and Gaius’ quarters to get something else to cover up his hand.

“What the fuck.” He looks up and sees Gwaine, but his smile drops when he sees his face. Gwaine is furious. Merlin starts to panic, thinking he did something wrong.

“I- Gwaine what did I do? I’m sorry.” Merlin puts down the sword.

“You didn’t do anything.” Gwaine all but growls as he takes Merlin's wrist and pulls him up, taking a closer look at his scar.

“Oh that- Gwaine it’s nothing, really, I swear-”

Gwaine pulls him by his wrist towards the training grounds, where the knights are practicing. Arthur is in an important council meeting so Leon is leading practice.

“Gwaine! Gwaine really it’s not important it isn’t even-”

“Merlin, don’t make excuses for him.”

“I’m not!” Gwaine glares at him and he decides not to push it.

The knights put down their weapons when they see an angry Gwaine dragging Merlin towards them by his wrist.

“What’s going on?” Leon asks, approaching the two.

“It’s nothing, really, Gwaine’s overreacting.” Merlin explains.

“I am not overreacting.” Gwaine growls before thrusting Merlin’s hand towards Leon.

Leon’s jaw tightens. By this point the other knights are gathered around and all look furious, except Lancelot who already knew why Merlin’s worst fear was Arthur.

“Merlin, what did he do to you?” Leon asks, looking into Merlin’s eyes intently.

“Nothing!” Merlin pulls his wrist free from Gwaine.

“Don’t protect him! We know you love him, even though he clearly doesn’t deserve it, but we need to know what he did.” Elyan says angrily. Merlin pales.

“You- you know?”

“It’s obvious Merlin, not the point.” Percival dismisses.

“Oh. Listen, Arthur didn’t do anything, I promise. It’s not even-”

“What are you all gathered around here for? I thought you were meant to be training.” As soon as Arthur speaks, Percival has all but picked Merlin up to put behind him, placing himself between Merlin and Arthur, and the rest of the knights, save Lancelot, who looks unsure of how to interject without getting stabbed, have turned towards Arthur with murder in their eyes. Gwaine draws his sword.

“What did you do to him?” He has his sword pointed at Arthur.

“Who?”
“He didn’t do anything!” says Merlin, hoping that it will stop Gwaine from taking Arthurs’ head off.

“Oh,” Arthur says, frowning. “That.”

“Don’t you dare dismiss his greatest fear being you.” Gwaine growls, advancing.

“I’m not, I’m not! I was almost sick when I found out.”

“Me too.” Lancelot mutters. Gwaine turns on him.

“You knew and you did nothing to protect him?”

“I let him explain it to me.” Lancelot says defensively.

“You listened to his excuses? Do you even care about Merlin?”

“No, idiot, I let Merlin explain it to me.”

“What is there to explain?!”

Lancelot and Arthur both look towards Merlin with apprehension.

“It wasn’t even like that. I’m not even afraid of him anymore. We talked about it. It was….. A misunderstanding.”

“What kind of misunderstanding-”

“Will you just let me explain it to you Gwaine, preferably before you take Arthurs head off?”

Gwaine hesitates before nodding.

“How the fuck do I explain this?” He mutters to himself.

“Merlin, are you going to be able to explain this without telling them?” Lancelot asks Merlin quietly.

“I don’t think so.”

“Alright,” Arthur starts. “Merlin, are you planning on telling them?”

Merlin thinks for a second before nodding.

“Merlin is about to say something, and if any of you say anything to anyone about it,” Arthur looks around at his knights. “Including my father, you will be dead before you can plead for your life. Gods help you if you try to hurt Merlin.” All the knights nod, looking at Merlin quizzically.

“I have magic. I was born with it. I was scared of him finding out and killing me. I didn’t want him to know I had been lying to him, or for him to find out about my feelings for him. So that’s why he was my greatest fear, but we talked about it, and now it’s fine.” There is a heavy silence after Merlin speaks. He looks around nervously.

“So why were you scared Arthur would kill you? Couldn’t you just-” Elyan wiggles his fingers.

Merlin doesn’t answer.

“You were just going to let him kill you?” Leon asks incredulously.

“Erm… yeah, sort of.”

“We really need to work on your self preservation skills, Merlin.” Percival sighs.

“So I take it none of you are going to kill him then?” Lancelot smiles.

“You told Lancelot before you told me? I’m hurt, Merlin, truly.” Gwaine gasps, hand to his chest indignantly.

“I didn’t tell him! He saw me enchant his weapon so he could kill the griffin!”

“I worry to know the answer, but how many times have you saved our skin?” Percival asks.

“Far too many.” Arthur sighs.

“Well, you are definitely coming with me to the tavern next time. I’m winning some bets.” Gwaine grins, ruffling Merlin's hair.

“Absolutely not! Do not use Merlin’s magic for party tricks! Have you forgotten we live in Camelot?” Leon scolds.

“Can we not have any fun, Leon?”

“Not when it could get one of us killed!”

“Need I remind you all of how many times one or more of us have almost died while on a hunting trip?” Merlin asks, eyebrow raised.

“See! Merlin’s got my back!”

“I’m not using my magic to win you any bets, Gwaine.”

“See that’s just rude.”

“Well, it’s good that you all know, now Merlin can join us for training.” Arthur smiles.

“What do you mean?” Merlin asks, suspicious.

“Well, now that we know you can fight, you need to train with us. We can’t have you getting hurt.” The rest of the knights agree immediately, talking about different ways they can help Merlin get stronger with combat magic.

“Fine, but don’t complain when I beat you all.” Merlin grins.

“There’s no way Merlin could beat me in a fight!” Percival says proudly.

“I bet he could!” Gwaine grins.

“See Gwaine, that’s a bet I’ll help you win!” Merlin laughs.

Chapter Text

The next day, Arthur took Merlin and the knights on a ‘hunting trip’. They needed an excuse to train with Merlin’s magic somewhere safe where no one could see. They had found a nice large clearing where they were confident nobody would bother them.
“Are you all sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” Merlin says, worried.

“Merlin, we are knights of Camelot, we can handle it. Don’t hold back.” Arthur rolls his eyes.

“Only if you all don’t hold back either.” The knights agreed.

“Okay who’s up first?” Arthur asks.

“I have a bet to win! How about Percival!” Gwaine grins.

“Alright. Ready then, Merlin?” Percival grins, readying his sword, Merlin nods, readying…. Himself? He had never fought with his magic outright, always having worked from the shadows, and now that the knights were watching him, he was nervous.

Percival swings and Merlin dodges easily.

“Your magic, Merlin. Don’t avoid combat, be a part of it.” Arthur reminds.

“Right, yeah. Sorry.”

This time when Percival swings he redirects his sword with a wave of his hand, his eyes flashing gold.

Percival smiles and starts swinging at Merlin in earnest. Every time, Merlin redirects his blows easily.

“Merlin, you’re meant to be beating Percival, not just avoiding getting hit. We have a bet to win.” Gwaine reminds him.

“As much as I hate to say it, Gwaine’s right. You’re all defense, Merlin.” Leon agrees.

“Right, offense.” Merlin mutters to himself. The next time Percival swings Merlin dodges and then holds his hand out to the sword.

“Fácian” the sword flies into his hand and he throws it to the ground. Percival quickly recovers and rolls towards his sword. Merlin leaps out of his way and holds his hand out to the sword again.

“Àhátian” The sword heats up, turning a bright orange yellow right before Percival grabs it.

“Alright, it’s like that then, is it?” Percival laughs, standing up and readying his fists.

Percival charges and Merlin wracks his brain for a spell. Coming up short he panics and tries to jump out of the way, but he is a second too slow. He feels Percival grab for his arm, but he instinctively pushes his magic outwards from him, knocking Percival to the ground. As Percival leans up on his elbows Merlin holds out his hand.

“Blæstmes” A ball of fire forms in his outstretched hand.

“Do you yield?” He grins, breathing heavily.

“Yes, Merlin I yield.” Percival laughs and accepts Merlin's now flameless hand to help him up. Merlin almost falls over trying to pull him up and Percival laughs again before getting up on his own and patting Merlin on the back.

“Looks like a few of us owe Gwaine some coin. Well done Merlin. Remind me not to bet against you in the future.” Percival smiles at Merlin.

“I will.” Merlin smiles. He looks around to see the knights staring at him in shock. Gwaine is the first to speak.

“Merlin, my friend! You are a wonder! That was incredible!” He runs up to Merlin and picks him up in a hug.

“Gwaine! Put me down! If you don’t put me down I will turn your hair green!” Merlin yelps indignantly, swatting at Gwaine’s hands. Gwaine drops him immediately.

“No need for threats, Merlin.” Gwaine grins at Merlin and ruffles his hair.

Arthurs brows are furrowed and Merlin immediately panics. “Fuck. I should’ve held back or- or used different spells. Now I’ve ruined everything. Not all magic is dangerous I was just-”

“Merlin, shut up.” Merlin snaps his mouth shut and there is an uneasy silence in the clearing.

“I’m not mad, I just didn’t know sorcerers could use magic without incantations.”

“Oh, I’m not a sorcerer.”

“Whatever do you mean Merlin? You just kicked Percival's ass using magic, of course you’re a sorcerer.” Leon says, ignoring Percival's' offended “Hey!”

“Oh no, I’m a warlock, which I guess is a type of sorcerer. I was born with magic, could do it before I could talk. A good part of my magic is instinctual. Things like moving or stopping things with my mind are second nature to me. I need incantations for when I want something specific to happen that I didn’t already know how to do, like create fire or heat something up, for example.”

“I didn’t think there was such a thing. When you said ‘before you could talk’, I thought you meant metaphorically.” Arthur mutters.

“As far as I know I’m actually the only person alive who can cast nonverbal spells. Well, I’m not actually sure that ‘person’ is accurate? Kilgharrah says that I’m part of some great prophecy and a creature of the old religion, which I would say isn’t true, except every druid I’ve ever met immediately knows who I am, by name. Well, sort of by name, they have their own name for me. ‘Emrys’. Seems like a bit much in my opinion, I really do prefer Merlin, but they all call me Emrys and agree with Kilgharrah about the whole prophesied great powerful warlock. I’m not quite sure I like being referred to as a ‘creature’ though. I feel like ‘person’ is fine, even if it may be inaccurate. Sorry, not the point. As far as I know I’m the only one who can cast spells without saying anything, was my point. I’ve caught a few sorcerers off guard with that.” Merlin looks up to see Arthur and the knights staring blankly at him.

“What the fuck?” Gwaine asks, staring at Merlin.

“Who is Kilgharrah?” Elyan asks, confused.

“Oh he’s a dragon that lives under the castle.”

“A Dragon lives under the castle?!” Leon asks, bewildered.

“Oh, yeah, he spoke to me almost immediately when I arrived in Camelot. Woke me up. Quite rude, honestly.” Merlin shrugs.

“I actually forgot that you told me a dragon said that it’s your destiny to protect me. My mind just skipped right over that part. I was so focused on making sure you were alright, and not afraid of me anymore, and then we were kiss- I mean talking.” Arthur flushes red. “Then we were talking and it completely didn’t register.”

There is a beat of silence before the knights are howling with laughter at Arthur’s slip up, Merlin and Arthur as red as the knight's capes.

“Nice job Merlin! Always knew you had it in you!” Gwaine laughs, ruffling his hair. Merlin slaps his hand.

“I will turn you all into toads and leave you here.” Merlin scowls.

“Aww, you would never!”

“Don’t try me, Gwaine. Percival already learned not to be against me.” Merlin glares at him, and Gwaine laughs.

“You’d miss us.”

Merlin sighs in defeat. “Yeah.”

By the time the sun sets and they are set up to camp for the knight, Merlin had bested all of them in a training match, and Gwaine’s pockets were fuller than they had been that morning.

The next morning Arthur had an idea.

“I have a brilliant idea!”

So there Merlin was, standing in the clearing once more, surrounded by the knights.

“I don’t know about this. It wasn’t very difficult to fight you all one on one, but all of you at once? I don’t know if I can do that.” Merlin says, unsure.

“That is the whole point of training, Merlin. To get better at fighting.” Arthur rolls his eyes.

“Right. Okay.”

By noon, Merlin had managed to get to the point where he could knock down four of the knights.

“This is really difficult.” Merlin pants, after getting tackled by Arthur, having only bested three of the knights.

“What about your instinctual magic?” Leon asks.

“Yeah!” Elyan chimes in. “You’ve mostly been using your prepared spells! What about that thing you did in the first fight with Percival, where you just sort of blasted him with magic? You could try that!”

“Yeah, Merls! Use your creature magic!” Gwaine grins.

“Don’t call it creature magic, Gwaine.” Merlin glares. He sighs. “I could give it a try? It tends to take up more energy, but Arthur is getting too confident.”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Well, let's do it again, this time, no spoken spells.”

After three more tries, Merlin could only knock back those in front of him.

“Fuck!” Merlin yells in frustration, kicking the ground.

“Hey, Merlin, it’s alright. You’ll get it!” Leon comforts.

“This is so frustrating.” Merlin sighs.

“Merlin, tell me about your creature magic.” Arthur says.

“Don’t-”

“Don’t call it that, I know. Tell me about it. Does it feel different than your other magic? When I use a crossbow, it’s all about concentration, but when I’m fighting with a sword, it’s more instinct. It feels more natural to me. Is there that kind of difference for you?”

Merlin stops to think.

“Yeah, when I use the incantations, it takes concentration, trying to get the words right and everything. With my instinctual-”

“Creature magic!”

“Shut up Gwaine. With my instinctual magic I feel it more. It’s warm, and I can feel it better when I’m outside. I can feel the nature around me, feel the magic that’s part of the world working with me.”

“Ok, I have an idea. Merlin,” Arthur tears off a strip of his shirt, and silences him with a glare when Merlin goes to protest. “We’re going to blindfold you, and see how much you can feel the world around you. The first thing we’re going to do is stand around you and you’ll tell us where you think everyone is.”

Merlin is skeptical but agrees. Soon enough, he is blindfolded.

“You obviously can hear me talking, but the rest of the knights are in position. Tell me where they are.” Arthur says

Merlin nods, taking a deep breath. He reaches out with his magic, trying to kind his friends. The first thing he notices is that to his left, someone is shifting their weight between their feet. He points.

“That’s Gwaine. I can feel him shifting his weight, and he can never stand still.”

“You heard that?” Gwaine asks, bewildered.

“No, I felt it. In the ground.”

“Damn, that’s cool.”

“Shut up Gwaine. No one else let him know if he’s right when he guesses. He’ll use the process of elimination.” Arthur scolds. Merlin smiles, knowing he got it right.

He concentrates, frowning.

“Arthur, stop walking around, it’s distracting.”

“Nobody will stand still for you in battle to help you concentrate, Merlin.”

Merlin rolls his eyes behind the blindfold, knowing he’s right. He takes a deep breath.

“Leon is behind me, he’s the most still. Percival is next to Gwaine, closer to my front. Lancelot is to Leon’s right side. Elyan is ahead of me to my right.” He points towards the knights as he guesses their locations. He feels Arthur remove his blindfold and he looks around, seeing he was right.

“Yes!” He grins at Arthur, who is smiling back.

“Now, Merlin. Use your magic to feel where we are. Everyone, get ready, we’re going again.”

This time, before they charge him, Merlin takes a deep breath and tries to feel where his friends are with his magic. Arthur gives the signal and they all run at him, but Merlin holds his arms out to his sides and releases all his built up magic, this time knowing exactly where all the knights are. A wave force from his body knocks all the knights to the ground.

“You did it!”

“Great job Merlin!”

“That was incredible!”

Merlin is unable to discern who is saying what as black spots dance in his vision as he sways on his feet. He feels hands steadying him.

“Woah there, don’t pass out on us.” Arthur says, and Merlin realises Arthur is holding him up.

He grabs Arthur’s shoulders to steady himself, as he blinks away the spots.

“Are you alright?” He hears Lancelot ask behind him.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. That was just a lot of energy.” Merlin smiles, still swaying on his feet as Arthur helps him sit by their camp fire.

“Your nose.” Arthur says as he sits. “It’s bleeding.”

Merlin wipes his nose with his sleeve, seeing the blood he wipes away staining his shirt. “Huh.”

“Has that ever happened before when you use magic?” Elyan asks.

“No. I’m not used to using magic that strong. And if I do it’s always an incantation.”

“So what I’m hearing is we need to work on your-”

“Don’t say it.” Merlin glares.

“-creature magic.” Gwaine finishes, with a shit eating grin. “Don’t want you passing out in the middle of a fight.”

So they do. Over the next months they go on outings just to work on Merlin’s magic, as well as Merlin helping the knights learn how to identify and avoid magical attacks. Soon Merlin can knock them all down without feeling weak at all. He doesn’t know why someone put a curse on Camelot revealing everyone’s worst fears, but in the end, he’s better for it.