Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Thin, nimble fingers worked around each other. A light tap of thick green skin resounded through the stale air.

April’s face felt hot, and her eyes stung. She felt cotton stuck in her throat as she tried to take small, calm breaths. Her mind spun around like a carnival ride, only less fun. Round and round. Circling her body, keeping her trapped on the small blue seat beneath her.

Raph kept his mouth covered as his leg bounced on the floor. He tried his best to keep his expression neutral, but April knew him better than that. She saw the small pricks of tears in his brown eyes. The way his hand clutched the seat a bit too hard, small tufts of white surrounding green nails. The way he tried to not breathe too hard, just like her. Worried any sudden movements would bring earth-shattering news.

He was going to be okay. April knew it. Raph knew it. He was going to be okay.

He was. He had to be.

What would she do if he wasn’t? What would April do if Draxum came out of those doors with the worst news? What would she do without his dumb jokes and his wide smiles? What would she do without random pictures being sent to her of the most unexpected things?

She laughed to herself at the memories of being in class and opening her phone to a picture of him holding a fire hydrant for no reason. He said he just thought of her. It was stupid at the time, but it was so funny now. April kept giggling, the air being sucked out of her lungs, the cloudiness in her mind growing and growing. Until she felt water drip off her chin and realized she was never laughing.

She was crying.

Was she ever going to get a picture of a random fire hydrant again? Big and red and dumb and loving? Random texts saying he loved her. Videos of the little kids falling at the dojo. Videos of his laugh. God, his laughter.

She started to sob. God, she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to breathe this hard, to cry this loud. But once April started, she didn’t know how to stop. She didn’t know how to remove this heavy weight from her chest, crushing every breath and beat of her heart.

Her face felt wet in her hands as she lost herself, sobbing uncontrollably. Fear overtook her mind as she crumpled in on herself. Bittersweet memories of late-night calls that may now have a deadline. Memories of his cheer when he beat her in Mario Kart and his accusations that April cheated when she would win. The way he always knew when she was upset without saying anything.

Was she going to lose that? Was she going to lose him? Please, please don’t say it’s so.

April felt a weight on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Raph with teary eyes and a sad smile.

“Is he going to be okay?” April asked, hating how weak her voice sounded.

Raph just looked at her, knowing as much as she did. Feeling everything she did. April shot away from her blue seat and hugged Raph as tight as she could. As he hugged her back, she knew she wasn’t the only one trying her best to not burst through those doors.

“I’m scared, April,” Raph whispered, voice warbling as tears slowly poured from his eyes. “I’m so, so scared.”

April sobbed as she hugged him tighter, trying to banish all of the fear and doubts from his mind. Raph shouldn’t have to feel like this. None of them should. They were supposed to be happy now.

They were supposed to be done.

April gasped slightly as those damned doors finally opened. Draxum stood before them, and like some invisible alarm went off inside of her, April could feel her heart drop.

No. No. No, please. Please say I’m wrong. Please, god, please.

Raph let go of April, leaving her kneeling on the cold, dead floor. Alone. He walked to Draxum, and they whispered to each other. Raph’s eyes begged for good news that he would be okay and everything would return to normal. April begged for normal. For everything to work out.

Just once. Just this one time.

But as Raph’s face fell into a look of horror, his head slightly shaking as Draxum could barely look at him, April felt numb. There was no sadness. There was no misery. No anger. No pain.

She kneeled there, hearing the drop of Raph’s knees to the cold and Draxum hugging him. She sat there, staring at her hands. She was shaking. April was shaking.

“He has a year if he’s lucky.”

April felt a screaming sobbing come out of her, unhinged and hopeless. Hope was her greatest weapon. Is that why she felt so powerless? Raph’s body shook as he stayed on the floor, unable to move. Draxum took a shaky breath and wiped his eyes, standing as tall as he could.

This was it. This was real.

A year. A year.

“I’ll…” Draxum muttered with an unstable breath, “I’m going to call the boys.”

The boys. Oh. Oh no. No. No. No.

No, they- April had to- They can’t - They had to know.

April pulled herself up from the icy floor and faced Draxum. She saw how his eyes shook as if he couldn’t believe what he had said himself.

And he was the one who found out.

April swallowed her tears and hugged Draxum as tight as she could. He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and slowly hugged her back.

“I’ll call them, Drax. Stay here with Raph. Is Splinter with him?”

Draxum slowly nodded and looked down at April; uncertainty and sorrow sewed into his eyes. “Are you sure?” Draxum asked, his voice low.

April nodded against him and pulled away with the biggest smile she could muster, even though it felt wrong. It felt fake. She felt fake. April felt weak and wanted to be soft, but she couldn’t. She had to be strong. Strong for the boys. Strong for Draxum. Strong for Splinter. Strong for Raph.

Strong for him.

April dragged her feet out of the med bay and into the lair’s living room. She breathed out shakily as she grabbed her phone.

Who would she call first? Who could she call first? She didn’t want to tell any of them. She didn’t want to tell anyone. She wished there was nothing to even suggest.

But there was. No matter how much she begged and cried and screamed. No matter how many times she denied it. It was true. And April had calls to make.

Okay. Okay. Alphabetical order. Casey first.

April looked up, trying to dry her tears as she pulled up Casey’s contact. The phone rang, and she breathed a shaken breath.

“Hey, April! What’s up?”

Time slowed as the cheerful voice on the other end picked up the phone, and April wanted to hang up right then and there.

God. Goddammit. Fuck.

She couldn’t do this.

Chapter Text

Casey walked through the warm campus grounds. He smiled as he admired the view around him. Tall, twisted, evergreen trees blending together. Beams of sunshine coming through the glowing canopy above, decorating the textured stone path with a littered light. The bright green grass carried hoards of laughing students with tired eyes but big smiles.

A breeze blew through the leaves above. Some softly fell down, almost kissing the earth with an alien-like gentleness. White petals danced in the air, crossing every which way in an enticing dance across the floor. Casey gently caught one in the air, running his thumb across the soft silk, smiling at the pure white beauty in his hand.

He opened his hand and watched the petal fly away to its friends.

Casey never lost his wonder for his new world, one where a handshake was a more typical greeting than a gun to his face. Where he could close his eyes and breath in deep, and smell baked bread downtown. He was no longer gagging at the familiar stench of oil and blood.

It’s been four years since Casey got his second chance. The chance his sensei always wanted for him. While the pain of loss still hung heavy in his heart, he always felt a sense of pride when he remembered that he was doing something that his family never got the chance to do.

Casey Jones was living his life.

Suddenly, there was a call behind him, “Casey!”

He turned to see a bundle of yellow and green hair tied back by a white bandana, running towards him with a wide smile. He smiled and waved to his friend as she quickly reached him.

June puffed, trying to catch her breath, “Ready to,” she took a big gasp, “get lunch?”

Casey nodded with a little bit of worry, “Yeah, you okay?”

She nodded, a big smile still plastered on her face, “Yeah. I’m great. Let’s go!”

Casey chuckled and walked with June to the canteen, excited to see what they had offered. So many people in his classes refused to eat there, but Casey never understood why. It was so good. Warm and filling, always with new ingredients Casey had never heard of before. And since June always offered to pay for him, Casey thought it rude to refuse.

The two students were sitting at their table, June’s hands flying around her rapidly as she told Casey what happened in class that day. “-and then, Devon threw a punch and hit Mason back, and they hit Amber, and she landed face-first in the fresh painting!”

Casey looked at his friend, shocked by the events in her story, as she continued telling him how she got some girl’s number in class today. He laughed as June almost hit an innocent bystander, and she quickly started apologizing. It was so strange to Casey that someone like June existed. So free with what she felt, not caring what anyone thought about her or what could happen. June just did what she wanted and stayed kind despite all the bad around them.

Casey admired her for that, and he always told her.

June continued to tell her story, and Casey listened intently, drinking his tea as he watched her talk. The story was interrupted by a ringing noise.

Casey looked down and saw his phone ringing on the table. April was calling him. April? Casey looked up at June and smiled apologetically.

“I’ve gotta take this really quick. She never calls me.”

June nodded with a smile and started to eat her lunch. Casey quickly picked up, wondering what April was calling him for. Maybe she was coming to visit again.

Casey smiled at the thought and placed the phone to his ear, “Hey, April! What’s up?” 

Silence.

Casey sat there, listening to the faint hum of his phone, wondering if she didn’t hear him.

“April?”

More silence. No response. 

Casey felt something inside of him tensing up. Like he was waiting for a punch to the face or a jab from the butt end of a gun. Something deep inside told Casey that something was wrong, but he was left with no idea what. Only a dull thudding heart and lungs that felt too loud.

Did something happen to the dojo? Did a kid get hurt?

June looked at Casey with a raised eyebrow, silently wondering the same as him.

Why was no one talking?

“April,” Casey asked again, starting to worry, “you there?”

A deep breath. Long exhale. Finally, sound.

A sickeningly sweet voice greeted him from the other side of the phone, one that left a bad taste in his mouth—the same way false sugar would.

“Hey, Casey! How-” Her voice warbled, and she quickly cleared her throat, “How are you?”

Casey paused. Why was April being weird? He glanced up at June, who was still eating but looking at Casey with worried eyes.

“Uh, I’m good. My classes are still going good. Mr. Lee says my math skills are really strong for someone at my level.”

“That’s good, Case,” April answered, with her tensely sweet voice.

“Yeah,” Casey said, mind racing in the background, “So, why’d you call me?”

Shaky exhale.

Casey swore he could feel the anxiety seeping from the other side of the phone. But his confusion outweighed any shaky hands or bouncing legs.

“Um, when can you-” April took a deep breath and quickly made her voice even sweeter. It left a bad taste in Casey’s mouth. “When can you come home?”

What?

“Uh, I’ve got a test next week for Art History. But I can come after that? Why, though?”

Silence. More silence.

“We just miss you. Leo misses you, you know?” A dry chuckle followed, but nothing seemed very funny right now. Everything seemed to be tilted sideways, like a ship at sea during a thunderstorm.

Tilting on the precipice of disaster. No idea of when disaster would strike. If it would strike at all.

No. No. The world was saved. There was no disaster to be struck. They just wanted to see him again.

“Okay, I’ll set up a flight for next week. I’ll be home as soon as possible after my test.”

April released a short exhale, sewn full of relief, “Okay, Case. See you soon!”

Click.

June looked at Casey, still glancing at the phone in his hand. Casey shrugged, trying to convince them both that everything was alright.

“I’m going home in a week. My family misses me.”

June nodded, dropping the topic and continuing her story. Casey tried to listen to her, ignoring his throbbing mind. Telling him something was wrong. That he should go home sooner. That he should push to see what happened.

But there was another voice, a naive light, begging him to let it go. To believe that, for once, he was just missed. That there was nothing wrong. That his biggest issue now was a test he hadn’t studied for. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to run home for.

It was all okay.

It had to be.

They were okay. They were happy.

—

Casey scaled down the ladder, deep into the sewer tunnels. Donnie stood at the bottom, and Mikey looked around at the top of the hole.

Earlier that day, Casey was so excited when he saw Donnie waiting for him at the airport, holding a sign covered in stickers and bold paint. So it was no surprise when Mikey was found outside, signing someone’s sketchbook. They always traveled together on Donnie’s private jet.

“Too bad you can’t sign a robot, huh, Donnie,” Casey teased the purple turtle.

Donnie smiled smugly and quickly pulled out his phone, showing a picture of a giant rocket. His name was engraved on the side. “No, but I can sign rockets.”

Casey chuckled, catching Mikey’s attention. “Casey!” He felt strong arms wrap around his waist and hoist him up in the air. Casey laughed loudly as Mikey smiled with bright teeth, his sticker jacket gleaming in the sun.

Donnie smiled as he patted Mikey’s shoulder. “Alright, come on, if we want to get home before it gets dark, we need to leave now.”

The two boys agreed and hopped in the car Donnie set up for them. They took down the New York streets, just as big and bright as Casey remembered. He hadn’t been home in almost two years now because of college, and he knew he didn’t call enough. Casey visited maybe three times in the last two years. Maybe he could start visiting more so they didn’t miss him as much.

Casey had smiled at the idea and kept watching through the windows.

Now, he was standing in the dark tunnels and felt excitement run through his body as he realized how close he was to the rest of his family. He looked at Mikey and smiled, “First one there gets the first slice of pizza.”

Mikey grinned widely, “ Oh. It’s so on!”

They both took off like bullets, turning and sliding as they navigated the winding tunnels. Casey won by half a second, Mikey groaning in defeat. April is standing at the door, grinning at their antics.

Donnie runs to hug her first and is quickly joined by Casey and Mikey. The hug is warm and sweet, and Casey decides to ignore the small tears building in April’s eyes.

She’s probably just happy to see us. They’re happy tears.

They all fell inside, and Casey smiled at the change in scenery.

Trophies on the shelves. Medals hanging in a closed glass cabinet. Pictures of kids in their gis with various colors, changing and aging faces. Leo and Raph stood in the middle, smiling as they hugged the kids in every photo.

Casey could see how Raph’s eyes shone with an almost magic. A happiness and joy that Casey had only heard of from stories. Every child around him clung to him, clutching his spikes and hands in their hands. Like he was a big teddy bear they could never get enough of.

Leo stood next to him, with goofy expressions highlighting the dynamic poses he held in every picture. In some, he had kids hanging off his arms; in others, he was in the background with a broomstick, facing off one of the black belts.

There was talking behind him, and Casey turned to see Donnie and Mikey greeting Splinter. They all donned worried expressions when they saw Splinter’s face. He had never looked older, face dark and sullen. He smiled at his sons, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It barely reached his mouth, corners still pointing down, and Splinter tried to fill his eyes with mirth.

It reminded Casey of false sugar.

Draxum stood next to him, a faraway look in his eyes as he hugged Mikey. Casey noticed how his hand pulled Mikey in a little bit closer, and his fingers held him a bit tighter. Then, Donnie started excitedly showing him all the inventions he had made recently, the rockets and the robots and the helpers. Draxum did look excited to see all that Donnie had created, but Casey could tell his mind wasn’t entirely there. They both stayed silent as their sons showed them their recent achievements, and April had disappeared. As Casey stood there in the warm lair full of love and memories, he felt a pull from the sunken expressions of both fathers and the tears from April.

Only one question plagued his mind. One he had asked so long ago, from a scene like this when he was still fighting for his life. When his mother had left home and never came back.

What happened?

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The room went quiet as the family looked up to find the source of the new sound.

Raph walked in first, April at his side. The last Hamato followed, sporting his blue bandana and signature arm wraps. He held the same wide smile and the same bright eyes that shone on even the darkest days in hopes of comforting his family.

Leo smiled at them all and chuckled. “You guys are being too loud, hurting my ears over here.”

They all stared at his hands, his left in particular. Leo just watched them all, and his left hand fidgeted. He chuckled nervously, “Don’t be so happy to see me now. If you get any rowdier, I’ll have to beat you off with a stick.” Leo laughed and gestured to the object in his hand, “Or a cane will work. Same thing, right?”

Donnie seemed to snap out of his trance, suddenly alert and walking toward his twin. “Leo, what happened? What did you do?”

Leo laughed, brushing his brother off, “Pft, I’m fine, Don-Don. Just took a fall at the dojo.”

But there was no cast. No splint. Why a cane?

“ When,” Donnie asked, but it sounded more like a demand.

Casey noticed from the corner of his Splinter turning away from his sons, walking quickly towards the kitchen. Draxum followed in tow, ignoring how Mikey’s eyes watched them both leave.

Something is very, very wrong.

Leo groaned as Donnie hovered over him and answered his twin. “Five months ago.”

Donnie shot up, along with Mikey and Casey, who all snapped their full attention to the turtle in blue. “What?!” They all exclaimed.

“Why did you never tell me?” Donnie asked, crossing his arms. “I could have made you something to help you heal faster!”

Mikey nodded, “Yeah! I could have come home to help you out at the dojo.”

Casey now felt even worse for not calling or visiting more often. “I would have come home in a heartbeat had you asked, Master Leonardo.”

Leo looked at Casey with soft eyes and shrugged Donnie off. “I’m seriously okay, guys. Raph and April were here to help. You all have busy lives; I didn’t need to disrupt that. Plus,” Leo laughed to him lightly, the light dimming slightly in his eyes, “it’s not even that bad compared to what’s going on up here.”

Leo laughed, pointing at his head. Casey felt time slow down ever so slightly as the words repeated once more in his mind.

What was he talking about?

Raph slowly covered his mouth, finding the wall on the opposite side of the room very interesting. April stood between the two brothers, placing a gentle hand on each. Mikey looked at Leo in confusion as Donnie’s eyes flipped between his twin’s face and hand.

“What are you talking about, ‘Nardo?”

Leo laughed, the lie in his eyes fading away, sadness making them glisten as Leo tried his best to pour false sugar in. To keep up the facade.

“I-” He started, but he paused, face visibly showing his struggle to put words to tongue. “Draxum found something, Don.”

Mikey spoke now, “Found what, Leo?”

“Yeah, Leo, found what ?” Donnie chimed in.

Casey wanted to ask but found his mouth was gone and replaced with a gasping heart and pounding lungs.

Leo breathed out shakily as Raph’s eyes started brimming with tears. “A tumor.”

Static. Fuzzy static filled the air, a vacuum of sound as people moved around, but nothing was processed. Heavy footsteps sounded like dull throbs. Small, quiet words sounded like whispers of wind. Escaping hearts sounded like a single tear falling into a peaceful lake.

Time stopped. It moved backward, like watching Casey was watching a TV show. The best play of a sports game. 

“A tumor.”

Casey felt like his lungs were about to explode as he spoke softly, feet in front of Leo, who stared at them all with uncertain tears. “What?”

This had to be a dream.

Or a nightmare.

Please be a nightmare.

Chapter Text

Leo breathed out shakily as Raph’s eyes started brimming with tears. “A tumor.”

Donnie blinked. His mind felt blank. As if someone wiped the memory of a computer. Nothing was processed, only a small circle eating itself over and over. Repeating the last piece of data.

A gut-wrenching, mind-splitting, all-consuming confession.

Donnie just stared at his brother, oh god, his brother, and his uneasy eyes. There was a slight smile on his face. But it was too forced, too happy. Why was his brother happy? Why was Leo smiling right now?

Good god, they were happy. Five months. Five months of non-stop inventing, creating amazing things, and meeting the most intelligent people worldwide. Donnie spent days talking about quantum mechanics with people he considered his heroes, praised for his intellect and creativity. It was the happiest Donnie had been. His dreams had finally come true.

Now it felt more like torture. Because while Donnie had been out experiencing the world, he forgot about his family. He left them. Left Leo.

What if he never left? Would he have caught it sooner? Would they be having this conversation?

Would he feel this gaping hole in his chest as air and blood leaked out all over the floor?

Casey almost whispered next to Donnie, drawing away Leo’s grieving eyes. “What?”

Leo opened his mouth to respond, but Donnie stopped him, knowing he could still stop this. He just knew it.

“How do you know?”

Leo grimaced and sighed, “Draxum did a check-up about two months ago. My leg had healed, but I still wasn’t walking properly.”

Donnie huffed, ignoring the flicker of hope that maybe his family was wrong. Anything could cause an imbalance.

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Let him finish, Don,” Raph spoke, an unreadable expression on his face. Leo tried to smile in gratitude, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I started to fall a lot, and my memory got bad.” Leo breathed out slowly, “Draxum did some tests and found it.”

Raph sighed behind Leo, “We had hoped it was early onset dementia and vertigo from all the head trauma. So,” Don stayed tense as Raph talked, “Draxum double-checked.”

“He confirmed it was a brain tumor.”

Donnie glared at his sibling, feeling a deep anger start to course through his veins. Up his legs and down his spine. Flooding his mind as he began to process what was happening. He felt a fury he hadn’t felt in so long.

How could they not tell him sooner? Why were they being so calm about this? It wasn’t fair! Good god, this wasn’t fair! They were meant to have a happy ending. They were meant to be okay. They were heroes; heroes get good endings!

No. No, this wasn’t happening. Donnie wouldn’t let it happen.

“What kind? Tell me what kind, and I’ll make something to heal you.” Donnie asked, begging even, cringing at how tight his voice sounded. He hated the face his twin made.

“You can’t cure it.”

“Bullshit!” It came out before Donnie even realized what he was saying. And now the floodgates were open. “I’m the genius here! Draxum can’t heal you, but I can!”

Donnie grabbed his twin by the shoulders, ignoring Raph reaching forward to stop him. “What kind Leo?!”

Please. Please, god, please.

Leo stumbled but quickly grabbed his twin’s arm. “I have a year, Donnie.”

No! No, this wasn’t happening. This was not happening!

“No, you don’t,” Donnie said, ignoring how Leo started getting worried. Leo wasn’t supposed to be worried. That was Donnie’s job; Leo was meant to be happy. 

Leo wasn’t meant to die.

“Fucking tell me what kind of tumor Draxum said he found.”

A deep voice spoke from the doorway, “Glioblastoma.” Draxum looked at Donnie, deep sorrow in his eyes. No. Splinter stayed silent, a pale, sick look on his face. No.

Leo gently held Donnie’s face, with that stupid smile on his face, and wiped the tears off his cheeks.

When did Donnie start crying? He was angry, not sad. How could he be sad? No one was dying, not today, not tomorrow. Donnie was going to save him. He had to.

What good was he if he couldn’t do this?

Mikey spoke now, a timid expression plastered all over his face, and Donnie felt rage start to consume him. How dare the universe do this? How dare it hurt his family like this? All over again. And again and again and again.

“What’s Glioblastoma?”

“It’s basically a tumor that acts like a… like an octopus,” April explained gently to Mikey, whose eyes were wide with almost horror. “It attaches to the brain matter, grows in between all the spaces and tissue, and lodges itself in.”

Draxum placed a gentle hand on Mikey’s shoulder. “I’d have to take apart his brain to get it out.”

Leo would die either way.

Casey hugged Leo tight, placing his face into Leo’s plastron, fat tears staining his brother’s chest. Mikey ran forward and placed a hand on his brother’s cheek, just staring at Leo’s face, as if he was trying to cement his face in his mind, and then softly hugged the blue turtle.

As if he was scared he would break Leo.

Donnie felt sick. April came up to Donnie, watching him with worried eyes. With a soft hand on his shoulder, she spoke low, “Don-”

Donnie jerked away, her hand feeling like a blade on his skin as his mind raced, chasing his heart out of his throat. “No. No. No- I-” Donnie looked at Draxum, then at Leo, his brother, his twin, and then looked back at Draxum. Then back at April. “No. I can fix this.”

He looked at Mikey. Of course. It was so easy.

“Mikey can just mystic it away. Magic can do anything, right?” Donnie laughed in relief, knowing he had found the solution! “Mikey can use his magic to cure Leo! There, solved!”

Silence.

Why was no one else happy? Donnie figured it out! Leo was going to be okay!

Mikey stared at his hands and then looked at Draxum, silently asking if it was possible.

“I already tried with my own.”

What? But- No, Donnie figured it out. Magic was the answer.

Leo spoke now, very softly, “It stopped working last week.” Then, Leo softly tapped his middle two fingers on his cane, and Raph’s eyes snapped to the movement.

Raph stepped forward and gently pulled Casey and Mikey away. “Leo needs to sit down, guys.”

They all watched as Raph helped Leo to the couch in the lair, April running ahead to move some things so he could sit. Donnie felt a fear hanging low in the pit of his stomach. An uneasy peace tried to claw its way out, but Donnie refused.

He said it before, and he will prove it. This would not happen.

Donnie turned to Draxum, his fury, and fear pushing him as he stubbornly looked away from his twin. “I will make something. Something to cure it. Anything to heal him. You tried and failed, but I will not. Mark my words; I will heal my brother.”

Splinter finally spoke, his voice unnaturally soft. “You can’t, my son. We’ve tried for months. There is nothing you can do.”

Donie shook his head, “You mean there is nothing you could do. I’m the genius of the team—World-renowned for my amazon prowess. There is nothing I, Donatello Hamato, can’t do. So I’m going to do this, and I’m going to find a way.”

Donie refocused his attention on Draxum, “You said he has a year? I can find a cure in six months.”

“If he’s lucky, Donatello. He may not have six months.” Draxum’s eyes pleaded, “Don’t waste time trying to prevent the inevitable.”

Donnie shook his head and stepped away, not looking toward the couch, not toward his family. He was not going to remember Leo this way. Instead, he would remember him as the great sensei and brother Leo was. Donnie was going to fix this.

Draxum failed because he gave up on Leo. Donnie would not because Leo always believed in him, and he believed in Leo. They would never give up on each other.

Donnie was going to do this. He had to.

For Leo.

Chapter Text

Mikey giggled as Leo doubled over, laughing at the joke he had just made about Raph being a mother hen. “Coming, my dearest Mother Raphael,” Leo said in an over dramatic voice, barely breathing as he laughed.

Raph rolled his eyes from the corner of the room, grumbling as he pulled out his phone. “You know what? Fine. Go ahead, train. I’m not gonna help you when it goes bad, though.”

Leo rolled his eyes, throwing a wink at Mikey. “He thinks I’m all fragile now.”

Mikey smiled at his brother, ignoring how his anxieties stayed ever-persistent when Leo wasn’t in the room. He ignored how they stayed even when he was in the room. Mikey knew his brother was strong and didn’t need his help. Leo knew how to take care of himself.

He wasn’t fragile.

Leo leaned forward on his cane, tilting his head with a wide, warm smile. “So, fill me in on all of your crazy adventures. How is it traveling the world? Everything you hoped for?”

Mikey smiled and nodded at Leo. The last few years were unimaginable for the orange turtle. Three years ago, Mikey put some of his art in the museum near their home. A famous, eccentric art collector found it and wanted to pay Mikey hundreds of thousands of dollars for his work. After that, Mikey became famous throughout New York’s art circles, drawing the attention of countless prominent, influential artists and collectors.

He had been offered to set up an exhibition in France and, with some convincing from his family, Mikey did it. That was almost a year ago now, and Mikey quickly became a prominent figure himself. Sure, there were some jerks, but no one his brothers had never taught him to deal with (in more legal ways than Mikey preferred).

Sure, Mikey missed his family. Every day it felt like. He missed them so much that he even created a few pieces in their honor. He got offers for them but never wanted to sell; they were for his heart only.

But, the whole time, Leo always pushed Mikey to keep going, to push until he was happy with where he was. Raph never really wanted him to leave to begin with, but Leo didn’t have a single doubt that Mikey couldn’t do it. Leo was his fiercest fan, alongside Donnie, who flew out to visit Mikey almost every week to do something fun.

“It’s great! Last week I met this Japanese artist who uses glass shards to create giant pieces of art!”

Leo smiled, “That sounds cool. Maybe I’ll call him to come to make a giant picture of me in the dojo.”

Leo put his hands slightly in front of his face, framing it with a big, goofy smile. Mikey just laughed, “Yeah, sure, ‘Nardo. I’ll let him know.”

“You better. Now, come show me how rusty you got after being gone for a year.”

Mikey laughed and jumped up onto his feet. “I’ll have you know I’m as sharp as ever.”

Leo smirked, “I’ll believe it when I see it. Here, do one of the drills I have the kids do.” Leo pulled out a ninja star and threw it straight up, lodging it into the high-hanging ceiling. “Get that down without any weapons or magic.”

Mikey stared up at the shining star and smiled at his brother. “Baby easy.”

He quickly ran up to the nearby wall and vaulted himself between two pillars, climbing up to the ceiling without even breaking a sweat. Mikey held on to one post and pointed himself toward the small star. He smirked and pushed himself forward, twisting in the air as he grabbed the star from the ceiling. Mikey flipped through the air and, as he landed, got ready to roll onto his feet, then popped up.

Mikey smiled and waved the star in the air, “You next, tough guy.” Then, he threw the star back up into the ceiling and looked at his brother expectantly.

Leo laughed with strangely nervous eyes, “Maybe later. Good job, though.” Raph stood in the corner, mumbling as he asked why Leo would ever let the kids do that exercise, and Leo smiled and playfully rolled his eyes. “Because your exercises are too safe. Let them be a little dangerous.”

Leo walked with his cane to the middle of the training floor, smiling at Mikey. “Let’s spar. Hand-to-hand.”

Raph quickly looked up with concern on his face, “Leo, I-”

Leo waved him off. “It’s fine, Raph.”

Raph huffed, looking away. But Mikey noticed how he didn’t get back on his phone this time. Mikey looked at how confident Leo seemed and decided that Raph was just being overprotective again. He always did that, treating them like they were kids. But they weren’t.

Leo wasn’t fragile. He was okay. Leo was always okay.

Mikey jogged up to Leo and smiled. “You’re on.”

Leo smiled and gestured for Mikey to hit first. Mikey threw back a kick, aiming for Leo’s face. Leo easily dodged, stepping back on his left foot. He pushed away Mikey’s foot, spinning him to look back at Leo. The cane was gone, and Leo smirked as he stepped forward with his right foot and threw a kick at Mikey’s chest. It landed square on his chest, and Mikey felt the air leave his lungs.

“Round to me,” Leo said, slightly out of breath.

“Two out of three,” Mikey suggested, and Leo nodded with a smile.

Leo glanced at the cane on the floor before he looked back at Mikey and gestured for him to hit the big blue.

Mikey threw a punch, making Leo dodge to the left. Mikey then stuck out a foot and tripped Leo. He grabbed his brother’s shoulders and threw him on his side onto the padded ground. Then, with a big smile, Mikey spoke, “Round to me.”

Leo laughed weakly, waving his hand slightly, “Good job, Mike.”

Why was he waving his hand? Eh, it probably didn’t matter. There was one more round left.

“One more round, you ready?” Leo asked in a teasing voice, giving a smirking smile. Then, he stood up on shaky legs, glancing one more time at the discarded cane. Raph was now at his side, and Leo groaned. “It’s fine, Raph.”

“Leo-”

Leo turned around suddenly, facing away from Mikey. “It’s fine !”

Before Mikey realized what was happening, Leo’s leg gave out under him, and he pitched forward into Raph’s arms.

What was happening? He was fine a second ago.

“Sorry, Mikey. I think this is too much for Leo.”

Leo tried to push away from Raph, to turn back to Mikey. “No, it’s not. I’m fine, Raph.”

“You can barely stand, Leo.”

What-

Raph gently picked up the cane and handed it to Leo, who glared at it with a burning hate.

Oh. Oh, right.

“We’ll finish our session tomorrow, Mikey. Sorry I can’t finish it today.”

Mikey just smiled, assuring his brother it was okay. But his smile disappeared as Leo turned to leave, and a large dark green and blue bruise started to form on Leo’s side.

Had- Had Mikey done that? But- But that has never happened before. Sure they’ve bruised from training before, but never- god, it was so big.

Mikey felt sick looking at it and was horrified by how quickly it had formed. Raph looked back from the doorway he was walking Leo to and noticed how distressed Mikey felt.

He whispered something to Leo, who nodded and walked off alone.

Raph knelt in front of Mikey, big gentle eyes staring up at him.

“You okay?”

“I hurt him.” Mikey felt a gasp leave his lungs as his cheeks became wet with tears. “I- I forgot, and I didn’t realize- I didn’t know he would-”

Raph hugged Mikey gently, and Mikey clung to his big brother.

Is that what it did? Is this what Leo was going to become? Was it going to get worse? Could it be any worse?

Mikey was used to blood and broken arms, something he could see and feel. Something he could look at and feel the pain from. This- Mikey, couldn’t see this. It was invisible.

How could he heal something that he could easily forget was there for even a few minutes?

Mikey remembered Donnie’s comforting words when they first found out, swearing he would save Leo. That they wouldn’t lose him. Not again. Never again.

But- But this didn’t look like something fancy gloves and splints could fix. It didn’t feel fixable.

Mikey slowly dried his tears and looked at Raph, “Tell me what happened. Exactly. I want to know.”

Raph paused and crinkled his eyes, physically debating if he should tell Mikey. Mikey just stared into his brother’s eyes, “Please.”

Raph sighed and nodded his head. “Leo broke his leg five months ago. We figured he’d be okay after a few months, maybe need a crutch for a bit, but he should have been fully healed in three months.” Raph sighed once again, looking up slightly, “But, after three months, Leo was still falling. If anything, he was falling more often. And he started forgetting conversations; we had the same conversation twice a day. Now it’s usually three. We got worried.”

Mikey nodded along, following the story but feeling dread building in his stomach. He hadn’t repeated a single conversation with Leo. Had Raph not told him, Mikey would have had no idea.

How much was Leo hiding?

“Draxum did some tests and told us he found something and needed some more equipment to double-check. He got it from Big Mama and did as he said. He confirmed his theories and… and he gave Leo a year to live. If he was lucky.”

Mikey stayed quiet. The two brothers watched each other in heavy silence. This was happening.

They were going to lose Leo.

Mikey thought back to last week. Leo was never without his cane, even though he held it like a dirty roach or a slimy dog toy. He was followed by Raph everywhere. He wasn’t allowed in the kitchen anymore.

Mikey thought back to that day. Leo didn’t try to get the star, something he could have done as fast as Mikey had not even a year ago. He was out of breath after a single kick. He couldn’t stand without his cane.

Leo… Leo was dying in front of them. Leo was dying.

How? How could someone so strong, so brave, so resistant die? He had taken on Shredder with their family. He defeated the Kraang and lived. He pulled himself from the jaws of death. Leo would take a single punch and give back two more.

He had defeated aliens and yokai and the greatest evils. How could he die? How could he… how could he become so fragile? How could this happen?

Mikey felt himself bubble with tears, leaning into his big brother’s chest. “I don’t want to lose him.”

Raph pulled Mikey close and wrapped him in his arms, “Draxum is mixing together mystic magic and radiation. We’re hoping it’ll give Leo another few months.”

A little bit more time.

“It’s… hard. To lose him. But… but we’re not really losing him. He’ll still be here. In our memories, our home, our hearts. He’ll never really die. So just… take the time you can, Mikey. Spend as much time as you can with him. Love him as much as you can. Remind him how much we’ll always need him.”

Mikey nodded, clinging to Raph even tighter.

It hurt. His heart ached, cracking under the grief. But could he even call it grief? Leo wasn’t dead yet.

Can you mourn the living? Can you mourn those who are yet to be a memory? Can you mourn what you have not yet lost?

Can you grieve for the future version of someone you still love?

Mikey didn’t know the answer. He didn’t know a lot. But he knew Leo was still here, and Mikey still had time to make memories to cherish.

Mikey still had a chance to make whatever time Leo had left happy.

Chapter Text

Donnie’s eyes ached as he stared at the screen in front of him. He scrolled through countless pages of research, scanning and searching for any vital piece of data he could manipulate. He was so close. Donnie knew it. He just had to find that one loose thread, and everything would make sense.

That one thing no one thought of, the one thing no one has tried. If he could find it, Donnie knew he’d find the cure. There had to be a way, a solution, a cure. There had to be a way to do the impossible, to cheat death itself.

Nothing was impossible. Everything had a kryptonite, and Donnie knew it. He could even feel it - how close he was. He swore he could almost taste it, the sweet sting of victory.

His non-stop scrolling was interrupted by the silent creak of a door. Donnie barely heard it, only realizing it because a small giggle quickly followed the sound.

Behind the now-closed door, Donnie heard Raph yelling. “Leo! Where are you?”

The said turtle was leaning against the door, smiling over his shoulder, resting on the cane beneath him. Donnie sighed, “What are you doing, Leo?”

Leo’s eyes snapped to Donnie, full of mirth and a familiar mischievousness. “Ah, nothing. Hiding from Raph.”

Leo made his way over to Donnie, slowly slinging his good leg with every other step, fighting the pull of gravity on his bad. Donnie stood up quickly to help his twin, but Leo just waved him off. 

“I’m fine, Don.” He smiled victoriously as he reached the desk chair opposite Donnie. He sat down with a sigh, rubbing his leg as he caught his breath.

Donnie just watched as Leo smiled to himself, so happy to have made it from the door to the chair. It was an excellent reminder of what he was supposed to be doing at the moment.

Stopping this from going any farther than it already had.

“How is your day going, ‘Tello?”

‘Tello. God, how long has it been since Donnie last heard that name?

Donnie sighed and sat down, turning back to the screen in front of him. “It’s okay. I’ll be better when I finish this…project.”

Leo hummed, seeming content with the answer. “That’s good. Have you eaten today?”

Donnie just stared at the screen. Answering these questions was a waste of his time. Every question he answered was another second he could have spent finding the answer. A second he could have spent bringing his brother back.

Leo just nodded next to Donnie, “That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” Leo leaned close to Donnie, trying to look at the screen. “What are you working on?”

Donnie pushed the computer away, not wanting Leo to see. A flash of hurt crossed Leo’s eyes before he pulled back. Donnie didn’t care, though. He didn’t care because Leo knowing what he was working on was… well, it was so much worse.

Donnie didn’t need Leo to see how much of a failure he was. He wouldn’t be able to stomach Leo being disappointed. Disappointed that Donnie hasn’t figured it out yet. That he wasn’t good enough. Smart enough. Leo was relying on Donnie to do this, to save him, and he just couldn’t.

What kind of genius was he?

What kind of brother was he?

They sat in silence before Leo spoke up again, “How was your day?”

Donnie paused, glancing at his brother, who looked genuinely curious. It was getting worse.

“It was good, Leo. I already told you, remember?”

Leo looked at Donnie, confused, and then it slowly shifted to shame. “Oh, sorry, ‘Tello. I guess I…” Leo seemed to search hard for the word. “I forgot.”

Donnie sighed, exiting out of the stupid Harvard research paper that gave him no new information whatsoever. “It’s okay, Leo.”

He needed to work faster, harder, anything.

Leo smiled wide with a gasp, “Donnie! Did you know? Casey came home yesterday!” He smiled as he thought about it, “He said he missed me; isn’t that sweet?” Donnie clenched his fist as he looked at his twin, who looked so genuinely happy about Casey being home.

The issue was - Casey had been home for over a month now. They all had.

Donnie kept looking at his brother, who looked around the room with a familiar, painful awe. Donnie wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. His attention was pulled away entirely as Donnie looked at his twin for the first time since he’d been home.

His skin was paler now, an ashy green littered with purple bruises and fading blue marks. Sunken, bright eyes were shining behind dark green eye bags. His hands had a slight shake to them as he rested them on the top of his cane. He had lost weight, a lot. He was skinnier than Donnie ever knew he could be. The radiation Draxum used… it kept his brother alive, but at what cost?

No. No, this was good. Leo would be kept alive with Draxum’s radiation, and now Mikey’s magic, and then Donnie’s cure would finish the job and make him all better. It was… painful. But necessary.

Donnie just had to figure out the cure. He forced himself to not stare at his brother and look back at the next paper.

“I miss you, Don-Don,” Leo spoke softly, looking at Donnie with his aged eyes.

He missed Leo, too. So, so much. And he was going to get him back. He was, he promised.

“I’m right here, ‘Nardo.”

Leo shook his head softly, “No, no, you’re not.” He leaned forward with a gentle finger, poking Donnie between his eyes. “You’re here.”

Donnie scoffed, “What do you mean?”

“It’s been three months.”

What?

Leo looked far away, eyes slightly glazed over, “You’ve been home for three months. But I… I never see you.”

Well, he was busy. Donnie was busy. He was figuring out how to fix this whole situation! He was saving his family! So… So what, it’s been a little more time than Donnie realized? Three months wasn’t that long!

Not compared to the years they had left together.

Leo just needed to understand. He needed to know that Donnie wasn’t trying to… Donnie was just busy.

“I’m working on this cure, Leo. I’m trying to help you.” Leo just stared at Donnie, who was trying to ignore the bright screen next to him, possibly holding the answer he needed.

Leo looked at it first, the gears slowly turning in his head as he processed what Donnie told him. Then, Leo slowly reached out for Donnie’s hand, and he put it out for Leo to grab.

But Leo didn’t grab his hand. Instead, he just kept going forward. Donnie watched quietly as Leo grabbed the edge of the laptop Donnie was working on, and with a shake, he closed it with a finalizing tap.

“Don’t.”

What?

Donnie just stared at Leo, whose clouded eyes were fixed on the closed computer.

What was he talking about? Don’t heal him? Don’t fix this? Don’t worry about it? Don’t what?!

How could he stop? How dare he stop! 

Leo was dying. And Donnie could fix it! He could fix it all! He just needed the missing piece, and then everything would be okay again! Leo would be okay again!

So, why couldn’t Donnie do this? Did he not want it enough? Did he not need it badly enough?

Leo’s soft, bony hand gently grabbed Donnie’s arm. “ Don’t. I don’t,” Leo sighed, “I don’t want you to.”

Donnie didn’t understand. What was Leo talking about? Of course, he wanted Donnie to do this! Why wouldn’t he? Why would Leo want to die?

Donnie shook his head, looking away from Leo. God, he couldn’t stand to look at Leo right now. Was it even Leo? Was this… this turtle even his brother anymore?

“You don’t mean that,” Donnie whispered, his voice mimicking the gentle hand.

Leo nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact. “I do. I- It’s my time, ‘Tello.” Leo spoke so softly that it made Donnie feel sick.

Leo wasn’t that soft. He wasn’t this hopeless. He wasn’t- this wasn’t Leo. Leo didn’t look like this. Leo didn’t act like this. Leo was happy! He was bright! He was everything Donnie wasn’t. He was- 

Donnie looked into his brother’s eyes and felt a profound unsettling feeling coming from deep inside. Something Donnie tried to bury so long ago. But now it was here, and Donnie couldn’t ignore it. The realization that the turtle sitting in front of him wasn’t Leo. And he hadn’t been in a very long time.

God, he was gone. Leo was gone.

Donnie felt tears brimming in his eyes. This wasn’t right. None of this was. This wasn’t fair.

Donnie stood up abruptly, turning away from the turtle behind him, turning away from the outstretched, bony green hand. How could Leo say that? How could Donnie think that? How could he even begin to believe that his brother was gone? Leo wasn’t gone.

Leo was right there.

But- But that’s what he said earlier, right? That’s what Donnie said. When Leo asked where he was. When he told Donnie, he missed him.

“I’m right here, ‘Nardo.”

But it was a lie. Both times. It was all a lie.

Leo wasn’t here anymore. Leo was… gone. He-

Donnie looked back at his brother, his sad eyes but wide smile. God, was that the same smile? Or was it always that pained? Was it always so sad? Or did it change like everything else?

Did this Leo even smile the same anymore?

Donnie watched Leo’s face twitch in pain when he flexed his fingers. He heard the off-beat tapping of his twin’s hands, unsettled by the constant shake. The way his eyes unfocused every few seconds, attention dragged away somewhere else, far, far away.

No. No, Leo didn’t. Donnie finally understood what Draxum was trying to tell him.

He couldn’t save Leo. Not because he wasn’t smart enough, not because he wasn’t fast enough. No, it was because Leo would never be the same no matter what he did.

The Leo that Donnie loved, the Leo he called brother, the Leo that held him late at night when he couldn’t sleep and loved his family unconditionally no matter what, the Leo who always supported him, was dead.

He died the second Draxum found that tumor. He died before Donnie ever came home.

And this Leo… was all he had left. And it would be all he held left until his body finally gave out.

That was it. This was the end. Donnie failed.

Donnie had failed before he even started.

Donnie sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes, and hugged Leo tight. Leo tensed up before hugging Donnie back.

“Hey, ‘Tello.” Leo said softly, rubbing circles on Donnie’s shell, “What’s wrong? Bad day?”

Donnie laughed, tears falling faster now. God, he was so stupid. So, so, so stupid. He had wasted months trying to find something to save someone who was already gone. He had wasted time, so much time, but he realized too late who he had lost time with.

“I’m sorry, Leo. I’m so sorry.”

Leo just shushed him, hugging him tight in his boney arms. “It’s okay, Donnie. I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you.”

Donnie’s chest shook as he sobbed hard into his twin’s shoulder. Leo whispered, “I love you, smart guy. No matter what.”

And there in this new Leo’s arms, Donnie vowed he would spend every second possible by his side. He couldn’t save him. There was no one to save. But he could spend every single moment he had left to make sure Leo was happy as much as possible.

He deserved it. Good god, Leo deserved so much more. He deserved life, but Donnie couldn’t give him that. So he would give him something better.

Love.

Leo softly tapped on Donnie’s arm, “Hey, have you eaten today?”

Donnie smiled and pulled back slowly, “No, have you?”

Leo thought for a while, eyes still fading to somewhere far away. “Can’t remember,” Leo responded with a happy laugh.

Donnie helped Leo stand up, “That’s okay. How does pizza sound?”

Leo’s eyes light up, “Oh! Sounds great! Can we get Hawaiian?”

Donnie chuckled and nodded without hesitation, “Yeah, of course. You know it’s my favorite.”

Leo smiled, and they walked out of the lab, Donnie locking the door behind them. He didn’t need anything in there right now.

Not anymore.

Leo hobbled towards the kitchen, and Donnie smiled sadly. “Hey, ‘Nardo, wanna hear about a rocket?”

Leo nodded with brighter eyes than Donnie had seen in a long time. He happily told Leo about everything he had made over the last few years. He knew he’d likely have to repeat it all again in an hour, every explanation and project. But he didn’t mind. Donnie didn’t mind the ache. He didn’t mind the hurt.

And god, did it hurt. It hurt so much, but it would be okay. Donnie would be okay.

Maybe not today. Not tomorrow. Not for a while, but Donnie could do this.

He could love Leo as much as he loved Donnie. As much as he deserved and more.

Chapter Text

April sat on the couch, laughing at Lou Jitsu’s hair as he punched a bad guy in the face. Mikey once said it looked like a poodle's hair, and April could never unsee it. Raph and Leo chimed in with Lou as he yelled out his catchphrase, laughing all the while.

Leo laid on Raph’s chest, looking the most peaceful April had seen him in a long time. He seemed so small lying there. He had lost so much weight from Draxum’s treatments, and his skin seemed to have this constant faint shade of blue. He… Leo looked alive, but that… that was it.

April just smiled and tried to get his attention, “Did you have fun with the kids today, Leo?”

Leo looked up through half-closed eyes and nodded weakly with a smile. “It was nice… I’ve missed them.”

Raph smiled sadly, wrapping his arm around Leo tighter. “They were all happy to see him again,” he laughed softly, “They all wanted to play with his cane.”

Leo smiled, chuckling to himself, “Thought it was…” he paused, talking slowly, “the coolest thing.”

April smiled and placed her hand on Leo’s thin arm, “Well, that’s good. I’m happy you got to see them again.”

Leo nodded, slowly dozing off into Raph’s chest. April’s eyes flicked up to Raph, who watched the blue turtle with concerned eyes. “Were they scared,” April asked softly.

Raph shook his head, “No, no, they were just happy to see him after four months. Asked when he’d be coming back.” Tears pricked in Raph’s eyes, “They said they all miss him.”

April sighed, rubbing her hand on Raph’s shoulder, not wanting to disturb Leo’s sleep. “I- I’m sorry, Raph.” The two older siblings stared at each other, neither knowing what to say. What to do.

How do you tell a group of kids that their beloved sensei isn’t coming back? How do you explain death to someone who doesn’t understand what life is? What do you say? Can you even say anything?

Leo shifted and slowly sat up, looking around the room. His eyes were narrowed as he searched for… something. April went to ask what he needed but stopped as Leo pushed himself up off the couch.

Leo didn’t even get a step in before he was pitching forward, his body being dragged down by the unrelenting weight of gravity. Raph jumped up and caught him before he fell entirely. “Leo! What are you doin’?”

Leo ignored him, pushing Raph away as he tried to escape, “Let me go!”

April stood up quickly, pulling Leo towards her as Raph stood behind, ready to catch his brother. “Leo, hey, just breathe.” April spoke softly, trying to get Leo’s attention, “What are you doing? Are you looking for something?”

Leo shook his head, trying to pull away from April, still looking around the room. “I need to pick up the pizzas,” He said, voice rising as he failed to escape.

Pizzas? What pizzas?

“We didn’t order any pizzas, Leo.”

Leo pulled harder, arms barely moving, legs beginning to shake beneath him, “We did! I ordered them. I- I need to pick them up!”

April brought Leo back to the couch, trying to avoid hitting his leg. He fought her the whole time, but he was powerless as he stumbled on the confining furniture. Finally, April made Leo sit down, and she stood before him. 

“Let- Let go. I am the leader! You need to listen to me!”

April gently rubbed circles in Leo’s hands, trying to calm him down. “Leo, breathe.”

Leo shook his head, weakly pulling away; the little strength he had quickly fading. “I want to leave! I am telling you to let me leave!” He looked at April, but he wasn’t registering who he was yelling at. April wasn’t sure he even realized what he was doing.

April shook her head again and kept Leo on the couch, letting him tire himself out as he fought her. He reminded April of a caged animal. Confused, scared, and wanting to go home. Leo kept fighting, knocking his mask off in the process. Finally, as he pulled one last time, his eyes started closing, and his body relaxed as he fell back asleep.

Raph spoke softly from behind April, “I’ll bring him to bed.” April nodded sadly and watched as the two turtles faded from view.

She couldn’t do this anymore. April can’t watch him die in front of her for another second. She hated feeling this helpless, this broken, this selfish for feeling how she did. Because what right did she have? To be broken over Leo dying? He was the one dying! Not her, not April. The guilt ate her from the inside. As the voices in her mind whispered about wishing the cruelest thing possible.

Wishing he would stop fighting.

If he stopped fighting, he wouldn’t be in pain anymore. He wouldn’t be suffering. But how could she ever wish for him to pass away, for him to die? How could she be so monstrous? So evil?

April looked at the couch and saw the blue mask lying there, all crumpled and stained with tears. She grabbed it gently, feeling the soft material between her fingers. Was this all she would have left of him? Pain, grief, and a disheveled blue mask?

Had she failed him?

April’s chest shook as she sobbed, hot tears running down her face as she clutched the mask tight, pledging to let go again. Flashes of happy memories, ones of loud laughter, and broad smiles flooded her mind. She would never have that again. She would never hear his laugh again. April would never be able to hold him again.

She failed him. She wasn’t strong enough. She didn’t try hard enough. If she had- Leo would be okay. Leo was always okay. Why couldn’t he be okay this time?

April thought of his wide, teary eyes. Of his pale blue-green skin. Of his deep, dark green eyebags. Of the frown that seemed to be painted onto his face. Leo was miserable, and it scared her. It scared April that the one person she could always rely on wasn’t bouncing back this time. How could someone that great, that happy, that invincible - be taken down?

How could the unkillable die?

Raph came back into the room, and, without hesitation, pulled April into his arms, hugging her tight in his warm embrace. April clung to him, sobbing heavily, releasing every tear she had locked away. “I’m scared, too, Raph.” She pushed her face into his shoulder, “I’m so, so, scared.”

April’s shoulder felt wet, and she felt the gasping breath from the turtle hugging her as he sobbed with her. They just sat there, bathed in the TV light, the innocence of the movie playing in the background, mourning the memory of yesterday.

April had no idea how long they sat there, but eventually, she pulled back and rubbed Raph’s arm, “Did anyone see him?” Raph shook his head, and April breathed out a sigh of relief.

Before the rest of the family came home, Leo told April and Raph he didn’t want the rest of the siblings to know how bad he was getting. He wanted to preserve the image of him as much as possible. He didn’t want them to hurt. He wanted to make as many good memories as possible before it was too late.

Neither of them knew how hard that would be. To preserve a dying image. To extinguish a forest fire. To stop Mother Nature in her cruel path. 

None of them had any clue Leo would get sick as quickly as he did. One day he was able to walk around a bit without his cane. Then in a month, he had shaky legs every time he stood up, sometimes even with the cane. Draxum guessed that by the end of the month, he wouldn’t even be able to speak anymore, losing the ability altogether. And now his memory was getting worse every day, never retaining anything. He remembered things from months or years ago but couldn’t remember anything he was told an hour ago. The radiation was tearing his body apart. It was the reason he looked like walking death, a corpse half-decomposed. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

It’s not working anymore.

The tumor spread faster, and upping the dosage would only kill Leo. They’ve reached the limit of how much they can do, and the boys have no idea. Not even Splinter knew.

Not even Leo. Not that he’d remember if they told him.

And what could they do about it? Nothing. Not a single thing. Not anymore, not ever. They did the best they could… and now they had two months left with him. April closed her eyes softly and felt tears brush down her cheeks. There was one thing they could still do.

“Raph,” April whispered. The red turtle looked up at her, looking as tortured as she felt, and April kept speaking. “We need to tell them.”

Silence. The movie was over. The credits ended. It was over.

April gripped Raph’s hand, “They deserve to know.” Raph just stared at her, mouth slightly hanging open but nothing coming out. Eventually, he nodded.

“We’ll… we’ll tell next week. They need to know, but… not yet. Let Draxum take him off first.” April nodded, and they laid there in the dark, eerily quiet lair.

It was never that quiet before. Someone was always awake… running around with his blue tails, making an ever-constant sound. But now… now it was quiet.

April hated the quiet.

Chapter Text

Casey’s eyes slowly opened, his snug hands tucked underneath his chin. He groaned slightly, the heavy blanket shifting as his legs untangled from the mess of sheets. He slung his arm over to grab his phone, the cool metal and plastic feeling alien in his warm hand. The bright screen flashed with the time.

5:49 a.m.

Casey sighed, pushing off the heap of blankets. No point in staying in bed. It was almost six. He focused on the feeling of feet hitting the cold ground and the last of the warmth leaching from his body. Cold fingers dug the sleep from his eyes, melding with his skin as they dragged down his chin. Casey leaned forward on the elbows digging into his knees.

He wanted to see his Sensei. He really did, but- Casey didn’t know if he could do it today. The memory of Monday’s announcement still burned through his head as if it had happened that morning. 

“We’re taking him off of it, Casey.”

When April made the announcement, he had been so- mad? Hurt? Confused?

Did he feel all of those feelings all at once? Does he still feel them? Feel them crawling up his heart and screaming in his brain? Maybe he didn’t. Perhaps that was his own voice screaming, begging for some kind of release. What if he never felt any of it to begin with? Maybe he should have. Maybe-

Casey let out a long groan. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. But he knew what it meant. Why they’re doing this.

Why they’re stopping treatment.

It wasn’t because it wasn’t working anymore. It wasn’t because it would be a waste of time to use it anymore. It wasn’t because they knew Leo was going to die soon. Sure, maybe that was all true, but none were the main reason.

They took him off it because they wanted whatever time Leo had left to be peaceful.

Painless.

Casey sighed again, willing himself to stand up. Who was he to deny his sensei a regular morning visit? He knew how important it was to visit Leo daily, to keep him thinking and moving. Keep him talking. The least he could do was tell Leo about his day.

Casey walked out of his room, yawning as he made his way to the kitchen. He observed the room as he got closer, confused more with every step. There was no sound of faint clinking silverware or a sniff of freshly brewed coffee. It was empty. It should never be empty at this time. Instead, there was a faint smell of metal wafting from the kitchen. Casey looked at the sink, still gleaming hours after use, and Raph’s mug sitting on the counter.

Unused.

Casey rechecked his phone to make sure it wasn’t 5:49 at night. But, unfortunately, the bright screen only confirmed it was early morning. A quiet early morning. And no received texts.

Casey entered the kitchen and heard a faint tapping of metal. He looked over, and single drops fell from the sink faucet, slowly beating the silver sink with pungy, metallic water.

Why did it smell so strongly of iron? And why didn’t Donnie turn it off last night?

Casey turned the handle gently and was quickly reminded of the uncomfortable stillness of the room. Where was Mikey? It was Saturday. Casey’s eyes drifted over to the knives still in their chopping block.

Mikey always made April breakfast on Saturdays.

And where was Raph? Did he not wake up? But that couldn’t be right.

Raph was always up at this time.

Casey kept looking around the room, eyes glancing over the clean countertop, the bloody rag, and the empty coffee pot. Wait- what?

His eyes snapped back to the rag sitting on the kitchen floor. It was dirty. Covered in dirt stains, what felt like grease, and…and blood. Casey roughly placed the rag down, the rough, rigid material crunching between his clenched fingers as his confusion turned to urgency.

Where the hell was everyone else?

Casey raced out of the kitchen, looking for a sign of anyone. Why would they leave without telling him? Did someone get in last night?

Did Kraang come back?

His heart started beating rapidly as Casey stopped breathing. He cupped his mouth, looking nowhere in particular as he began to yell, “Master Donatello! Master Michelangelo!”

No response.

“Master Leonardo!” Casey’s face felt wet, “Shit. Leo!”

His lungs shook as Casey’s head whipped around the lair. They were gone. They- They were dead. Casey roughly rubbed his face of the annoying tears, his heart shaking inside him. He tried his best to not dissolve into shaking sobs as he kept screaming out for anyone to answer him.

Large arms wrapped around his waist, and Casey shrieked in terror. This was it. He was going to die. The Kraang were finally going to kill him. They finally got him.

A low, comforting voice spoke behind him as the large arms held him tight, “ Breathe, Casey. It’s okay. It’s okay. Just breathe. ”

Casey took a long, shuttering breath as he registered who had him in their grasp. He tried to slow his breathing as Raph kept speaking softly, “Good job, bud. Just keep breathing. You’re doing so good.”

Casey finally caught his breath, with large, hot tears streaming down his face. He turned himself around, wrapping his own arms around the giant turtle. “I- I thought you all- you all died. ”

Raph placed his cheek on Casey’s head as he pulled Casey in tighter, “We’re all here. We’re all okay. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you.”

Casey pulled back, looking at Raph confused, “Tell- Tell me what ?”

Raph sighed, looking away slightly, “I’ll tell you in a second. Let’s focus on you right n-”

Casey pushed away Raph’s arms, shaking his head. What was Raph not telling him? Did Kraang come back? Were they all in danger again? Where was Leo?

“N- No, Raph.” Casey said, trying to keep his breathing level, “What happened ?”

Raph sighed, nodding as he looked at Casey with pained eyes. “It’s Leo,” Raph said, rubbing his face with one hand, “He… He tried to leave last night.”

Casey stared at the red turtle, “What? By himself ?”

Raph nodded, “Says he needed to go to ‘Run of the Mill.’ Hueso needed him to rebuild a- a pirate ship or somethin’.” Raph shook his head, looking like he was on a ship of his own. He looked alone at sea on a stormy night, with only the hidden stars to guide him.

“Oh…” Casey murmured, unsure what to say, “At least he’s home, though. That’s good, right?” Raph just shook his head, and Casey didn’t know what to do.

He went to find Leo, but Raph stopped him, “He fell, Casey.” Casey paused again, but not in confusion.

“What?” Casey looked at Raph’s pained face as his giant fists clenched close, “He’s okay, though, right?”

Raph didn’t respond.

“Raph,” Casey placed his hands on the turtle’s shoulders, “Leo is okay, though, right ?”

“He hit his head and fractured his shell.” Raph closed his eyes with a deep sigh, “He also broke his leg again, and his- his body is too sick to heal anything .”

Casey’s alarm went off, and he pulled his phone out, ears numb to the loud ringing.

6:00 a.m.

The two boys looked at each other and sighed. Raph stood up first. “I’ll bring you to him, c’mon.” Casey followed behind him as they walked into the med bay. Donnie and Draxum were whispering urgently between themselves, and April and Mikey hovered over Leo, blocking Casey’s view of him. Raph walked up to April and gently pulled her away to talk.

Mikey watched April leave and saw Casey from the corner of his eyes. He looked back at Leo with sad eyes, “Don says they’re gonna do their best to help him, but….”

Casey finally looked at Leo and felt his eyes well up with tears. Leo… god, was that Leo? Casey gently reached out to grab Leo’s hand, and it was so cold.

Cold like death.

His head was covered with deep purple bruises, and there was a slight divet near his temple. A white bandage covered it, but Casey could still see where he had hit his head. How hard do you have to hit your head to fracture it? Or were his bones so weak it took barely anything at all? His leg had a knee brace on it, dark blue fabric covering the purple and dark green skin.

His carapace was covered in a white cast, covering the blue and green pattern Leo had always been so proud of. Casey smiled at the few bright stickers he saw peaking over the edge. Leo’s eyes were closed, and he looked so…peaceful. Had there been no rise and fall of his chest…

Casey looked away, keeping Leo’s hand held tight, and looked at the family around him. Mikey looked… broken. He looked as lost at Raph. Casey couldn’t name the last time he saw the turtle look so hopeless.

His eyes have never looked that dull. Not even when the world was ending.

Raph was holding April, both of them holding back tears. Both of them trying to be strong. Raph looked at Leo and quickly turned for the door with a hand over his mouth, April following behind him with watery eyes and a quiet call.

Someone took a deep breath next to Casey, and he turned to see Splinter gazing down at Leo with enough sorrow it was hard to believe Leo was still alive.

Was he?

Splinter watched the med doors slam shut and sighed. He cupped Leo’s face and kissed his forehead softly. Then, he grabbed his own cane and walked to the door. Draxum reached out to stop him, and Splinter turned back with an unreadable expression. Casey watched the two fathers have a silent conversation, eyes gazing at each other with understanding. Splinter walked out, and Draxum turned back to Donnie.

Casey didn’t think he could stomach Donnie’s face right now. Intelligent eyes flipping between anger, pain, frustration, and agony. A look that matched his own when the announcement was made.

The wisest man Casey ever knew looking so…. unsure. He watched his sensei lose Donnie; how could he watch fated twins be separated again. How could he live through the separation of mind and soul again?

How could the world take it a second time?

Donnie shook his head, stepping away from Draxum, “ No. I won’t-” Donnie held his shoulders, words angrily hissed out, “He’s been off of it for less than a week, Barry.”

“It won’t help him, Dona-”

“ Bullshit. ”

Draxum sighed, “I know you want to keep him here as long as possible, Purple. But is it worth it? Now? ” Draxum turned to Leo, placing a gentle hand on Mikey’s shell. Casey looked up to see small tears pricking at the yokai’s eyes.

Donnie watched Leo with angry, teary eyes, trying to hold onto the pain and anger that coursed through him. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t hold onto what didn’t truly exist.

Draxum spoke softly, “Do you want to keep him in pain? Do you want him that badly, Donatello?”

Donnie’s facade fell, and he cried softly, cussing at the tears staining his cheeks. He walked forward and placed his forehead on Leo’s, leaving behind tiny drops of water. Leo’s eyes fluttered open, and he groaned, smiling when he saw Donnie.

“Don…” Leo groaned, wincing with every move. Donnie placed a gentle hand on his arm, silently shushing his twin brother. Leo’s hand twitched in Casey, and he looked around, confused. Then, finally, his eyes landed on Casey’s, and he smiled. Casey tried not to let the tears fall as he smiled back, “Hi, sensei.”

“Hi… Casey,” Leo whispered, being as coherent as possible.

Casey looked at the last remaining members of his family and sighed, “You guys look like you haven’t slept in days. I’ll watch him.”

Mikey and Draxum nodded, slowly walking out of the med bay. Mikey stopped and looked back at Donnie. “You coming, Don?”

Donnie nodded but stayed unmoved, just staring at Leo with flooded tears. Casey gently grabbed Donnie’s hand, “He’ll be here later,” Donnie shook his head, “I promise.”

Donnie took a shaky breath and took a step back, staring at Leo as he left, wincing with every step. Eventually, he met Mikey and was led out of the med bay. Casey dragged his eyes off the swinging doors and looked down at Leo.

Leo’s eyes were fluttering shut, weighed down by the heavy fatigue. He squeezed Casey’s hand one more time before falling back asleep, returning to a state of deathly bliss.

As Casey stared down at the man he called Sensei, the man he called Father, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. God, he thought watching him being vaporized was painful. He thought having to kill him was unbearable. He thought it was overwhelmingly painful being the last person to hear his voice, to be begged to kill the last parental figure he ever had.

To push down the memories of Leo’s laugh when he started to read. When he started training, Leo’s smile was the brightest in the room. When he read him bedtime stories about magical lands where everyone was happy. When he kissed his roughed-up knees and hugged him, telling Casey that everything was going to be okay.

He thought it hurt having to accept he could never go home again. He thought it hurt to see Leo and his mom crying when he left for college. He thought it hurt to be only a state away. But Casey thought that despite the pain of leaving, the pain of death, and the pain of grief being all he could feel - he would be okay. They would all be okay.

Because Leo saved them. And now they were supposed to have their happy endings.

Goddammit, why was his mother dying in front of him easier than this? The first time he had seen someone die was easier to process than this was. It was so much easier.

What was better? To watch someone die quickly or slowly?

If it was fast- sure, you could never say goodbye. You’d have to fight for closure. Fight for the ability to go to sleep without the creeping dark memories of happy smiles coated in blood. But it was quick. It was painless. They felt nothing.

But slow? If it’s slow, you can say goodbye. You could say goodbye every fucking day if you wanted to. You can say goodbye every time you breathe until the only words you know are “I love you, goodbye.” But it was painful. Fuck, it was so painful. Every moment excruciating for everyone involved. For you and the living dead. Because there wasn’t a single second, you weren’t on the edge of your seat. Every second that passes has you gasping for the air you didn’t need.

Do you want peace or closure? Do you want nightmares or torture?

Casey didn’t realize it, but he was sobbing. He was being choked on his tears, the water stinging his eyes and filling his throat, milking his heart of every drop of blood it had to give. His lungs ached as Casey struggled to breathe, swearing there was more water than air inside them.

Casey placed his head on Leo’s soft plastron, hands no longer tightly intertwined, “I’m so sorry, Leo. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Casey felt shaky hands run over his hair, cold and boney, as Leo spoke softly with a soft smile, “He-hey, future me wo…would be proud of you. I-I’m proud…of you.”

Casey stared at Leo before wiping his tears, resisting the urge to let any more fall, “I’m proud of you, too, Dad.”

Casey was so, so proud of his friend. His mentor. His sensei.

His dad.

Chapter Text

Mikey sat by Leo, rambling about his day. Leo’s eyes were staring forward, slightly glazed over as Mikey talked softly.

“And then Casey overtook Don, Leo!” Mikey chuckled, “I wish you could have seen his face. DonDon was so mad.”

Mikey stared down at his older brother, the smallest of smiles on his face. Mikey felt tears pricking in his eyes, and he sighed, leaning forward to kiss Leo’s temple. Leo’s skin was cold and dry, the sickening bone easily visible beneath pale green skin, making Mikey shiver.

But he didn’t care. Mikey didn’t care how different Leo looked, acted, or even breathed. His smile was the same bright smile Mikey remembered from when they were just kids. His dull eyes still held that special gleam, no matter how faint.

Leo was still in there.

Mikey held his older brother’s hand and pressed his lips against it softly, “I love you, ‘Nardo.” Leo’s fingers flexed in Mikey's grip, tightening ever so slightly, letting Mikey know he was there. The youngest brother smiled and let his pricking tears fall, the cold drag on his face matching the ice between his three fingers. 

Mikey resumed his story about Casey Jr beating Donnie in Mario Kart, watching Leo nod his head every few sentences. Mikey laughed when Leo smiled at the times Donnie got bested by Leo’s pupil, and Leo even attempted to speak a few times, but it sounded more like grunts and moans.

Mikey appreciated the effort.

There was a knock at the door, and Raph walked in with a smile, Casey Jr. and Donnie behind him. “Hey, Leo,” He whispered, looking past the door, “someone is here to see ya.”

Leo remained indifferent to the news, and Mikey perked up with excitement when he saw who came to visit Leo. Casey Sr. walked through the door with a bundle of red camellias, moving slowly to not disturb Leo. April and Senor Hueso followed close behind, the skeleton with a bouquet of marigolds in hand.

Mikey knew how much it destroyed Cass to not be able to be with Leo more, but she was needed up top to keep everything running smoothly. She always tried her best to call, but there were days when she was simply too tired. Or Leo was already asleep before she had the chance to call. Senor Hueso had the same story. Neither had the opportunity to just take off like the rest of them did. But Hueso made sure to call daily and try to talk to Leo.

When he had missed a day, he was devastated. After that, he vowed never to miss a day again.

Hueso was more relaxed than Casey Sr., but both shared a deep melancholy as they entered the room. The flowers shook in Cass’s grip, red petals starting to detach from the bundle of blossoms. April rubbed Cass’s arm, whispering soft reassurances as they walked up to Leo’s bed. Casey Jr. was on the other side, walking beside his mother but letting her have the needed space. But Mikey saw how their hands were intertwined tightly as they approached.

Cass took a deep breath, and Mikey watched dread fill her eyes when she saw Leo. The last time she had seen him, it was before he had fallen. When Leo was still slightly able to walk and still able to string together sentences. Casey started to whisper reassurances as tears built up in her eyes quickly. Mikey quickly hugged her, holding her as she just stared. Her misty eyes never left Leo.

“It’s okay,” Mikey whispered, “You can do this.”

The soldier in his arms nodded, sighing as she stepped forward. Hueso was already at Leo’s side, smiling sadly as he told the turtle about the flowers he had brought. Marigolds. Blooms of life and death. They were meant to attract family members home so they could spend time with their families. A single tear fell from Hueso’s eye as he leaned forward to kiss Leo’s forehead. Mikey heard Leo trying to talk again, but all he heard were more grunts and moans. But Hueso smiled, looking up to stop more tears from falling.

“Yes, pepino,” Hueso said, unable to stop the tears, “It’s me.” He chuckled, “It’s Bone man. Come home to me, okay?” He held Leo’s hand tightly, “Come visit, Bone man. I’ll,” He paused, “I’ll be waiting.”

He slowly released Leo’s hand, dragging himself away to allow Cass to approach next. Raph held the yokai tightly as he quietly broke down, doing his best to remain composed as he cried. Finally, the Caseys came to the bed together, and Cass stuck her arms out to hug Leo. Mikey quickly stopped her, hearing Raph in the background calling out. Mikey held her arms loosely, “We might hurt him if we hug him. I’m sorry, Cass.”

Cass sighed and nodded. She sat down and spoke softly, “Hey, Leo.” She placed her hand on his, squeezing firmly. Mikey waited for him to react, but… he did nothing.

Mikey sat on the other side, “Hey, Leo. It’s Cass. Are you happy to see her?”

No reaction.

No one said anything, but the young turtle watched the gears move in Cass’s head before he could stop it. Leo wasn’t happy to see her because he didn’t remember her. Cass slowly released his hand and put her hand in her lap, biting her lip as her eyes started to well up.

Donnie sat next to Mikey, keeping his hands to himself as he watched his brother, and Mikey watched Cass. The purple brother sighed, slightly cracking as he spoke, “Draxum said it was a- a good thing you came today….” His voice broke more as he stared at Leo’s ghostly form, “He doesn’t…He doesn’t have long. He’s not doing…fuck.” Donnie took a deep breath, face stained with salty tears. He tried to speak again, but nothing came out. Mikey leaned on his older brother, letting Donnie hug him tightly.

The room was heavy. A palatable sadness snuck through the room. Through and from their hearts as they looked at the blue brother. A deep sigh came from the red brother, the eldest, the protector. Mikey knew what he was going to say, what he wanted to say. But it wasn’t going to happen.

Not a single person in this room wanted to leave Leo’s side.

Eventually, Splinter and Draxum joined the group of preemptive mourners—a family who grieved for someone still there. Leo had not yet left, but the agony of almost losing him was overwhelming. Which breath would be his last? When would be the last time he would hold Mikey’s hand? How much longer did he have before he lost his brother forever?

Has Mikey already lost him?

The room was never relieved of its crushing weight. The sounds of silent and deafening sobs never left the space. Even when Mikey was alone in the room, he heard a symphony of grief surrounding him. Donnie was the first to leave the room, unable to deal with the inevitable any longer. April followed behind, knowing how much her brother would need her. And how much she would need him.

Hueso eventually left, escorted by Raphael, who had walked heavier since the first bit of news. He carried the guilt of something he could have never stopped, and Mikey was still lost on how to convince his oldest brother to share the burden of responsibility. Something he should have never had.

The Caseys were next. Usually, they stayed at Cass’s apartment, but they were both too distraught to go elsewhere for the night. It was a struggle to get them to sleep, but Draxum put his foot down. He was no stranger to Casey’s sleepless eyes and Cass’s overactive mind.

Splinter was next. He had kissed Leo’s forehead once before he left, and the rat whispered how much he loved his son for what felt like one last time. The Dads had another silent conversation, and Draxum let Splinter go.

Draxum had stayed almost as long as Mikey did. Together they told stories of their family, their clan. Draxum talked about living the retired life, and Mikey talked about some art pieces he wanted to make soon. Leo had smiled at that. Mikey never even realized he had started crying until Draxum had wiped his tears. The Baron left soon after that, claiming he was tired. Mikey knew the yokai was lying, but he appreciated his dad letting him be alone with his brother.

Maybe the last one he’d ever have.

So now Mikey sat in a cold, suffocating room beside his leader, the strongest man he ever knew. It was jarring to see someone who was once so big, who truly believed he was larger than life, be so lifeless.

He remembered Raph’s words when he first realized how bad it would be. When he first realized Leo wasn’t going to bounce back from this. They were never really going to lose Leo, but that…that was only partly true. They would never lose the old Leo, the one they remembered.

But they were going to lose the future Leo. The one they could have made future plans with. New memories and new stories. Different jokes to groan and secretly laugh at. Stupid pictures that are sent at random times because he thought of them. They were going to lose all of that. The young turtle sighed and looked down at his brother. His hero. Heh,…his champion.

Mikey was going to miss him.

~~~

A haze of yellow light filled Casey’s mind.

Pricks of lights floated around his head, bouncing off his brain and dancing across his nerves. He blinked, feeling the blanket of mist and dust be pulled back from his eyes. The warrior looked around, small stars still shining as the world unfolded before him.

Casey looked up and felt a cold chill run down his spine as he breathed a puff of white smoke. The world was quiet around him, tall beams of corroded metal supporting him as he rubbed his arms for warmth.

The scene felt familiar.

Young eyes scanned the lonely area, looking for anyone else. Anyone to share the moment with. Anyone to share a breath with. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Left. Nothing. Right. No one. 

Just as he believed he was alone, a deep voice entered the space before a heavy hand touched his shoulder, “Pretty sunrise.”

Left.

Casey looked and saw a towering turtle, his eyes barely visible as a wide smile broke through the mist and smoke. Where did the smoke come from? The boy felt himself smile as he looked back to the yellow-tinted sky, “Yeah. It’s nice.”

Guilt-ridden eyes shone, crinkling at the corners from a non-existent smile, “I promise, one day we’ll see a sunrise with more colors than you could ever imagine.”

A little boy’s giggle echoed in the space, “Do you promise?”

Casey felt the darkness engulf him as his chest shook from a deep chuckle, “Not even death will stop me.”

The world violently shook, and the warrior suddenly looked up from the pitch darkness, his body shaking with short gasps. Small puffs of white drifted in the air, but there was no chill on his skin. Gone was the yellow-tint sky as the red rust beneath his fingers. Casey looked around widely, and his tensed arms held him up, pushing against the inky void.

A phantom weight pushed itself on his shoulder, and Casey whipped around, longing to see the misty eyes and non-existent smile. The foreign shape of a forgotten father. The giver of an unfulfilled promise. Casey’s voice cracked as he spoke against the nothing he saw,

“Leo?”

There was no answer. No call. No movement of wind or bit of ice. But something inside told Casey to turn around, and there he found a little boy with black hair and red eyes that reminded him of lost lives and wiped away tears. He clutched a white hockey mask and a blue bandana, and the child’s gaze stared into his very soul.

“Do you promise?”

Wha- What was hap-? Nothing changed, but Casey felt his mind being stabbed with the echoes of the past as he stared into hopeless eyes. His own voice filled the space, flooding his mind as Casey clutched his ears, trying to block out the noise. 

“ Leo, please! I can’t lose you again. ”

No. No. No, stop.

“ Casey, close the portal now. ”

Stop it. Please.

“ Hey, future me would be real proud of you.”

Stop .

“I’m proud of you.”

Casey stood up, eyes burning as he backed away from the vision of death. He screamed, cupping his ears, trying to block out the voices. The memories. The pain . But with every step backward, he moved closer. The child didn’t move. Didn’t blink. It just stared at him with matching red eyes and long, black hair.

The warrior tried to run, to just get away . But it was hopeless. He felt himself fall and crash to the floor of the void, and as he blinked his eyes and looked up, he saw himself again. But now, he is much older. Covered in the dust and grim from the day he had watched the last person he cared about die. He watched his mouth open and close, thick tears rushing down his indifferent face.

“ I can’t lose you again. ”

His clone looked down at him with no emotion nor thought. Just staring at him blankly, Casey felt his heart race as it bent down close to him. Then, finally, his clone cracked a small smile, “Third time’s a charm. Right?”

Casey shook his head and crawled away from the fading vision. And he felt himself losing consciousness as his head rang. Casey struggled to cover his ears, April’s voice circling through his whole body, lighting his nerves on fire.

“We’re taking him off of it, Casey.”

The young man shook his head, feeling tears finally start to fill his eyes. He looked ahead, seeing a bright light and a figure in front of it. They had no identifiable features, but he knew who it was, and his heart filled with terror as the figure grew smaller.

Casey reached out his hand and-

~~~

“LEO!”

Casey gasped as he shot up, immediately clutching for racing air. His hot face felt sticky underneath salty tears. His lungs shook beneath his racing heart, his knees curling up to his chest as he rocked back and forth. He vaguely registered the door opening, but it was too hard to think of anything other than the breath being stripped from his shredded lungs. Casey took in harsh breaths, feeling his chest burn with every quick gust. Gentle hands held him tight, squeezing him in their firm embrace. 

Someone was urgently talking to him, telling him to do something . But it was all white noise mixed with his rapid breathing, keeping time with the rushing of blood in his ears. Everything sounded like the crack of thunder and the roll of lightning, echoing the storm in his thoughts as the voices found him in the dark room.

“Do you promise?”

Casey sobbed harder, barely registering another presence in the room, talking gently as they tried to pull him back to them. Back to reality, to his family. But it was too late. The voices were so loud . His lungs were shriveled inside him. He begged for even a lick of air to soothe the pain in his heart. Casey felt sick as he curled in on whoever was holding him, his stomach hurting from the emotion and pain surrounding his mind.

“I’m proud of you.”

~~~

“Casey, breathe ,” Mikey urged, holding the shaking boy as tight as he could. If Mikey let go, Casey would surely curl back into himself so quickly that the young turtle couldn’t get him back out. Cass sat next to him, eyes filled with small tears as she watched her son completely break in front of her.

She rubbed her hand on his back softly and placed her other hand on Mikey’s shoulder. Casey’s sobs filled the space, still shaking violently in Mikey’s grasp. If anything, he’s only gotten worse. Whether that was from them being in the room or Casey still reeling from whatever drove him to wake up sobbing, Mikey didn’t know.

Casey threw his arms over Mikey’s shoulders and clung to him tightly, thick tears staining Mikey’s shoulder and shell. But he didn’t care. Cass sat behind Mikey, whispering softly to Casey. The boy had never looked smaller than when he was lying in the young turtle’s arms, completely limp and broken as he sobbed.

The three of them sat there for what felt like hours, just being there with Casey as he cried out every tear he had in his entire body. He had only stopped because there was nothing left to cry, and he finally realized who he was in the room with him. When he registered Mikey holding him, Casey just hugged him tighter and muttered a string of incoherent apologies until he fell back asleep.

~~~

Beep. Beep. Beep.

White ceiling. White walls. Why… Why were the lair walls white? They weren’t… Hey, what’s that? It looks… small and…and familiar somehow. Why was it familiar?

Eyes moved, scanning the room. It hurts to move. Everything hurts. A deep breath filled sickly lungs. A white blanket covered a pair of legs. Could they move? The left one started to arch up, sending immediate signals of regret and pain . A hiss of stinging soreness. A jump in the creaky bed. Another jolt of pain, with back nerves on fire.

The bed felt soft beneath dormant arms and legs, cradling the sore shell. The material on top was scratchy. So scratchy. Has it always been that annoying? Or was that new? Maybe everything was annoying.

Always so noisy. So bright. So scratchy . So painful.

A loud whisper of a sigh filtered through the stale air. Heavy eyes landed on the front of the bed. There was a girl there earlier. She cried. There… There were other people too. Were they… Yes. Yes, they were all crying. Why were they crying? Who…who were they?

Was it new to not remember people? They were crying, so they had to be important.

Was it new to not remember important people?

They were sad before they started crying. The purple one…who was he? He was very sad. His gaze always lingered longer than everyone else. But his hands were so cold. They never touched. Never held or carried. Always skimming and watching. His touch was foreign, but his eyes were known.

But there was another one… small and young. His eyes never lingered. Oh… what was his name? He smiled so much. He always brought sunlight with him when he visited. But this time… his smile didn’t reach his eyes. His orange mask was wound tightly in his hands. There was a hug and a…a whisper. He always held hands and kissed cheeks. He had said something before he left. What did he say again? Was it important? It sounded important. And sad. Was it new for the boy to be sad? Yes…yes, it was.

They brought a young boy with them… he wasn’t new. He had stayed most nights right at the side of the creaky bed. Did he ever sleep? It never looked like it. His dark brown eyes were always heavy, carrying some kind of unexplainable sadness.

Everyone was always sad when they entered the room. Why are they sad?

The rat man… he never smiled. But there were memories… old memories of the rat man smiling. Laughing. It was a nice sound. Hopefully, he still laughed outside of this room. Away from this creaky bed and scratchy sheets. There was something he always did before he left the room… What was it? It was something… sweet. Something kind. It wasn’t a smile but something familiar, locked away deep in old memories.

He always brought the tall man… the one who asked questions and picked out these sheets. He never cried… not even today. Well, wait… that wasn’t true. The tall man cried. Once. But it was so long ago. It was when… oh. The man had cried when he had to break the news… He said a year to live.

How long has it been?

Has it been a year?

The red one… Raph. That’s what the girl always called him. Raph. The girl… the girl, what was her- April. Her name was April. That’s what the red one called her. Raph and April. Heh… they never seemed to leave. It was nice. They talked about their days. Raph watched some little kids… he seemed to like them. His eyes were always bright when he spoke of what they did that day. They had won a trophy… that was nice. It brought up an old sense of pride that may not even exist anymore. But still…good job, kids.

April always had fun stories. Crazy hijinks and… what did she say again? She…she always talked about stuff. Why… what stories had she told? She always looked so happy telling them, too…but they were forgotten. That was so sad. Maybe she’ll retell them tomorrow.

That would be nice.

April had brought friends today. That girl… that girl who cried. And a man of bone. Heh… Boneman. It was fitting… maybe Boneman was once called that by someone he loved. He smiled when he heard the name today. It was a sad smile… Why were smiles always sad now? They used to be happy.

She used to be happy. The girl who cried. Who was she? Her name was somewhere in there. Buried deep in recent memories. She smiled when she came into the room. Arms open wide. Maybe she wanted a hug.

That would have been nice.

The red and the orange ones stopped her… They didn’t want her to hurt him. Wait, who was “him”? Was he the “him” they wanted to protect? That was so confusing. Everything was confusing now.

New and confusing.

Hopefully, everyone will stop being so sad. Maybe…maybe these white walls and white ceiling will be happy again. That would be nice. He may not know their names, but… he could feel the love. He felt their love from all of their stories and hugs. All their sleepless nights and teary eyes. Did they know how much he loved them? He hoped they did.

He loved them so much.

He looked at the corner of the room and saw two little turtles running around. One blue. One purple. Donnie. That was right—the twins. Donnie was so brilliant… he’s always been like that. Another little turtle ran into the room… Mikey. Sweet Michelangelo… Would he be okay? Would he still smile? A red turtle barreled into the room, tripping over his own feet as he fell.

A chuckle rang through the room.

Raphael… he was always the protector. He always did everything he could to keep them safe. Of course, he wouldn’t take this well… but the family would be there for him. That was good. It was nice. April and Raph would be there for each other. April would be strong so Raph could be weak, and Raph would do the same for her. That made him happy.

He closed his eyes.

He saw all of New York. His family sat around him. The Kraang were defeated. They had saved the world. They ate pizza and played games on the Manhattan bridge.

He smiled.

They were going to join Draxum and Cass in the lair after Casey ate pizza for the first time. That night… They were going to host a birthday party for the young warrior. It was going to be fun. He was looking forward to it.

He felt a tear run down his cheek.

He remembered something. Splinter always kissed his cheek when he left the room. That was nice. It made him happy. He was going to miss that. He had a feeling April wouldn’t be able to retell all of her stories tomorrow. Oh well… he was tired. So it was okay. Maybe she can tell Cass all of her stories. They would both like that. He was so tired.

He was going to try to sleep again.

He looked to his side, back to his little bedside table. He saw the small piece of paper he had Draxum write on for him. Hopefully, he got it all right. That was important. He wanted his family to have some part of him, just in case.

He opened his eyes.

There was nothing there. Slowly, he felt relief from numbing pain. First, he heard a comforting white noise. Then, he saw a blinding light. Finally, He felt a shaking sigh leave his body.

Leo was going to miss them.

Chapter Text

There were mornings Raphael Hamato opened his eyes and saw a vision of his siblings happily sleeping next to him in the dawning light. Most mornings, he woke up to the smell of Mikey's cooking and the twins faintly squabbling because they stayed up all night together. The mornings he missed were when Raph would rouse to the comforting silence of the lair. After the nights when Leo and Donnie slept, and Mikey hadn't yet awakened. Those mornings were few and far between, but Raph always took advantage of them to check on his family.

A duty he had happily shouldered for as long as he could remember.

Raph was the first brother they always ran to. To kiss their scraps and scratches, to settle silly disputes, or ask him to listen after they had a long day. He was the big brother, and it was his job to keep them all safe. To protect them from monsters that went bump in the night and nasty colds that stuck around for too long.

And he did.

Raph fought and fought and fought. He launched himself into ancient monsters possessed with evil spirits and threw himself off the tallest tree when there was no other choice. He fought aliens and battled yokai, and sacrificed everything. Raph would have given his last breath if it meant his brothers would live another day.

But there are some monsters you can't kill. Some colds never go away. Some scars that never heal. Enemies you can't defeat with a well-placed punch.

When Raphael woke up that cold winter morning, he woke up to an unsettling silence in his home and a heaviness in his heart.

He didn't know how he knew or how quickly he moved that quiet morning. But even with his psychic burden, Raphael never expected to walk into the med bay and be the only one with breath to hold. He never expected to feel more dead than his little brother. He never expected to see Leo flatline.

He never expected to be too late.

~~~

Casey's body shook in Cass's and Hueso's grip. He could barely stand as he sobbed into his mother, the two adults holding him with concerned glances. Cass winced under Casey's grip but said nothing. Donnie was nowhere to be found. Mikey was the quietest he had ever been, thick tears pouring down his cheeks. He said nothing as he held April in a too-tight hug, sitting next to Splinter.

Raph couldn't bring himself to watch his father as he observed Leo, Draxum at Splinter's side with a teary gaze. They sat in heavy silence, only Casey's gasps for air filling the space and soft reassurances from Cass's broken voice. Raph slowly looked at his father as he tried to sing an old lullaby, one he would sing the nights they could never sleep. Or nights when they refused to, determined to stay up with their dad and prove their maturity. How wrong they were. They all sat silent as Splinter choked through the words, "Leaves from the vine.

Falling so slow

Like fragile tiny," Splinter let out a sob, clutching Leo's lifeless hand, "tiny shells

Drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy

Come marching-" Raph sighed as he hugged his father, who was inconsolable now. He tried to whisper soft comforts but stopped as another voice softly sang. It was nasally and tight but still soft and slow.

"Come marching home

Brave soldier boy," Mikey held Leo's other hand tight and watched Leo's peaceful, lifeless face through his tears, "Comes marching home." Mikey leaned forward slowly and opened his mouth to speak. But no words came out. Instead, just a quiet squeak as the youngest brother wiped his tears.

Hueso helped Cass bring Casey to the ground, neither able to convince the poor boy to leave the room. She sat with him, and Hueso slowly walked over and cupped Leo's cheek. He smiled softly, tears pricking in his eyes, "Don't… Don’t forget, pepino. Come…” He covered his mouth slightly, looking up, trying to dry his tears. "Come visit, Bone man. Please."

Splinter nodded, leaning forward to kiss Leo's forehead one last time, "Come home, my son. My brave, brave soldier boy."

Raph watched Splinter lead Casey out of the room with no resistance from the young boy. Cass eyes them as they go with a worried look, but she eventually makes her way over. Raph observes as the rest of the family wishes Leo one last goodbye. Mikey was the only one to hug Leo close. He was also the only one to say nothing before leaving the room.

April was in the middle of saying her goodbyes when Raph heard distant crashing. He silently excused himself as he halfway ran to the increasing sounds of destruction. Raph stopped before Donnie's lab, and the door was locked shut.

"Don-" Raph yelled, but another item of unknown origin broke against the door before he could finish. Raph didn't wait for an answer before forcing the door open and wedging himself inside. Donnie was huddled on the floor, covering his ears as he sobbed. Raph stepped forward to do something to make his little brother feel better, but Donnie suddenly jumped up. He hurled a small glass device and metal at the wall, and the two witnessed it break into pieces.

Donnie's chest shook with gasping sobs, and Raph was sure he didn't even register that someone else was in the room. The eldest brother watched in horror as Donnie grabbed more and more of anything he could get his hands on. Tools, inventions, vails. Anything and everything was hurled all across the room, ending with a chaotic clatter of emotion and parts. Raph stepped forward with his hand out, looking at his brother's face stained with tears.

The purple brother was lost, looking out to nothing as he breathed with haggard breath. "Don," Raph started, but Donnie stopped him.

"I failed."

Raph paused, glancing at the purple turtle, "Wh-"

Donnie whipped around, eyes wild with red grief. "I failed , Raph! I failed him ! I stopped working, and I stopped trying . I should have never stopped pushing to find a- a cure or-or,"

Raph grabbed Donnie by the shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug, "You couldn't have stopped this, Don."

The purple brother sobbed as he latched onto his big brother, "But I-"

Raph hugged him tighter, rubbing his back softly, "Shh, there was nothing to do, Don. You made him happy in his last days, that's the best thing you could have done."

Donnie cried harder, resembling Casey's wails of grief. Raph just held him, trying to comfort him amid the destruction around them. As the smaller turtle shook in his grasp, Raph held back his own tears. In the silence, Raph finally stopped and felt the surge of grief in his own breaking heart.

A small, broken whisper came from his arms, making Raph finally break quietly, "I want my twin back."

Raph placed his cheek on Donnie's head, "I know." He rubbed circular motions in Donnie's shell, feeling the cold salt run down his cheeks.

"I know."

~~~

Draxum had asked for Raph's help to move Leo to Draxum's lab while everyone else was trying to eat dinner. The eldest brother tried to hold back the tears as he covered his brother's body with a clean white sheet. Deep inside, he knew that would be the last time he saw Leo's face in the flesh. But he swallowed his tears, and slowly, Raph carried Leo bridal-style and brought him through Draxum's portal into the Hidden City.

With watery eyes and a heavy heart, Raph turned on his heel and left Draxum alone with the blue brother. When Raph walked back into the med bay, it was completely empty. No one else was there for the first time in months except for the teary-eyed red turtle. He knew he should have started to clean up. Throw out the sheets. Put up the IVs. Pack up the needles and vials. Step by step, clean up the heaviness of the space.

But he couldn't.

Raph couldn't do it. Not yet. Not right now. Maybe not ever. He took one step forward, and his leg gave out beneath him. Raph tumbled forward, catching himself on the edge of Leo's bed.

Could he even call it that anymore?

His hands sank into the plush mattress, and suddenly it seemed as if the day's weariness was trying to push him in deeper. When had he last sat down? Raph eased himself down onto his knees. He rested his head on the blankets, his chest slowly rising and falling. The cold from the tile dredged into the joints of his knees. The metal frame of the gurney scraped his plastron. It didn't hurt. It just felt...bad.

The oldest brother sat in the empty room, shell pushing against uncomfortable metal, and he stared forward. In the room's silence, Raph swore he could hear the laughing of a young child. One with an ego bigger than him, who believed he was untouchable. Immortal even.

How wrong he was.

It was so late at night. Everyone should be asleep. Raph should be as well. But… What if he wakes up and it's quiet again? Would Leo be there? Would he be sitting at the table with that big, infuriating grin plastered on his face? Sitting there, ready to taunt his family for believing Leo could ever leave them? He was such a little shit. Leo would… he would definitely do that. Right?

Because this… this wasn't real. Because Raph couldn't really lose Leo. His little brother. The one who pissed him off to no end but always gave the best gifts. Who loved his family more than anything. Who… who sent stupid pictures at random times of the day, saying Raph was the same color as a fire hydrant. Raph loved those pictures. He loved Leo.

God- God, no. No. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. Please. Please. Just be some horrible, horrible prank. One that would make Raph send Leo through a wall and then immediately hug him until they both turned to stone.

Raph never realized he had started crying.

Not until his chest was shaking. Not until his face was hot with salt and his eyes burned. Not until he went to sigh and found he couldn't breathe. And once he realized it, he couldn't stop. Raph's mind flashed with happy memories that he would never relive. Sitting atop Manhattan Bridge, looking over all of New York in the early morning. Teaching the kids a new move and bringing them to Leo to be patched up. Arguing over who won the last round of Mario Cart. Finding each other late at night, unable to sleep, and having a small spar season until another Hamato awoke.

Raph would never get to do any of that again. He would never get to hold Leo again. To shove him as they raced. To share a genuine smile with one another. To sit on the couch with all of his siblings as they watched a movie. None of it. Never ever again.

He didn't want this. Raph didn't want to miss Leo. This wasn't right. This wasn't supposed to be their happy ending.

Have happy endings always been this miserable?

From outside the med bay, Raph heard Mikey quietly calling for him. Draxum was back. How long had Raph been alone with his thoughts? With a sigh, Raph quickly stood up. He wiped his tears as he turned for the door, but mid-turn, Raph's shell smacked the bedside table towards the bed. It loudly scraped against the floor but was otherwise fine. No splinters or cracks. All that happened was the drawer slightly shook open.

Raph bent down with a sigh to close the small drawer, but a flash of white caught his attention. "What," Raph whispered to himself as he pulled it open. The light wood opened quickly, and a small gust of wind blew inside, ruffling a singular piece of paper. With gentle hands, Raph grabbed the paper and examined it. What was it?

He flipped it over, and his eyes widened in surprise as he read the heading aloud, "The Final Words of Leonardo Hamato, recorded by Baron Draxum."

Leo?

~~~

Draxum stood in front of the Hamatos, Leo's letter in hand. Raph didn't even have to say anything when he came out of the med bay with the fragile piece of paper. Draxum already knew what it was. They all watched their yokai father fumble for words as they shared looks of confusion and heartache.

Casey was the first to speak, "When… when did you write this?"

The baron sighed, "Two days after he fell. After everyone had gone to sleep." Draxum looked away from the letter with eyes closed shut, "He said he wanted you all to have something after he…left."

Mikey spoke softly, "Can you…read it?"

Draxum nodded softly, "Of course, Orange." They listened to Draxum's deep voice, slowly reciting their brother's final words. The letter was short but poetic. When Draxum finished, he gently handed the paper to April. Her eyes scanned the document, leaving small wet dots on the parchment.

April closed her eyes, blinking away tears, and pulled the paper against her chest, "Oh, Leo…."

Donnie rose slowly and stood in front of Draxum. The yokai looked at the purple turtle in confusion, "Purple? Is every-"

Donnie engulfed the yokai in a tight hug and buried his face in Draxum's chest, "Thank you, Dad." Draxum stayed frozen for a second before wrapping his arms around his purple son, and Raph watched as they softly cried together. Mikey laughed softly and watched the two hug, and Donnie noticed Mikey's teary gaze. Donnie opened his arms without a single word and invited the youngest Hamato into the hug. Mikey quickly engulfed himself with his dad and brother, and everyone else followed behind. Raph was the last to join, and he wrapped them all in a tight hug, feeling their warmth against his chest. 

Draxum and Splinter had one last piece of Leo to give away that night. For each of them, the dads had tiny golden lockets that were all tightly closed shut. Inside, a portion of Leo's ashes lay. When Raph saw his gift, he held it firmly in his grasp. It was as big as his fingernail and engraved with a delicately painted red R on one side. The other had a fancy L, painted blue. Raph's eyes burned as he smiled for the first time that day. He held the small piece of metal to his lips and felt the cold enter his bloodstream. With the tiny part of his brother, Raph swore he could feel Leo in the room. He could see Leo in everything around them.

Every trophy, every picture, every crack. He was there in Mikey's tearful laugh as their little brother proudly wore his necklace. In Donnie's careful hands as he examined the small chain, his bright purple D was just as vibrant as the deep blue L. He was there, engulfed in April's tight hugs. He shone through Casey's smile. Leo was still here. Leo never left. 

He was just with them differently now. But Leo never left them. Not as long as they lived. Not as long as they were together. They still had their memories of him. They would never fade, never leave, never taint.

Leo would always be a part of them. He would always be watching over them and telling stupid jokes. It would hurt for a long time. And their family would always be missing that extra laugh, that extra smile. But they didn't have to miss him because he was still there.

He will always be right here.

~~~

The Final Words of Leonardo Hamato

Recorded by Baron Draxum

—

Early morning news

The time between times

Mind asleep with grief

Your love lives inside

Shining for all those around

Knowing only peace

I apologize

For my hated departure

Please forgive me

Forever treasure

My precious memories, Held

even once I die

Carry them with me

To the unknown below you

Remembering us

Unmeasurable

The love I experienced

By your careful hand

I'll never leave you

For my Fading Memories

Will always be yours.

Chapter Text

Hey everybody, HellsTrojanHorse here! It’s been exactly a year since the last chapter of Fading Memories posted. And in such a short amount of time, this story has impacted so many people. I have seen so much amazing fan art and animations, and the fact that MY writing inspired so many talented people is CRAZY /pos

I have also read every comment and bookmark yall have left me, and each of them touched my cold dead heart. I’m so happy this story helped so many people in so many ways. My grandfather always said that we were the generation that was going to fix the world, and that I was going to do something amazing.

And I think he would have been proud of this story. He wouldn’t have understood what it really was, but if he knew how many people this story reached, I think he’d be really proud of me. But this story wasn’t really only dedicated to him. It was dedicated to my mom in a way too.

So many pieces of this story were inspired by her and what she went through as my grandfather’s main caretaker as he got sick. And I say that because I just want everyone who read this story to know - you aren’t alone in your grief, and you don’t have to be. And that you’re allowed to grieve however you want, for however long.

Thats all I ever wanted this story to say, that you aren’t alone, and you never will be. Even if you don’t know it or believe it, someone is there for you, you just have to give them the chance.

I thank you all again, and look forward to all the more readers to come. Have a goodnight/day, and stand strong. I appreciate all of you <333