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Setting his football helmet on the shelf, he walked to the end of the room where his little brother sat. He plopped down and looked over his shoulder at what Mikey was drawing. It was a family portrait.
"Hey Mikey! That's really cute! Who's who?" Raph scooted closer to Mikey after he scooted a little bit to his left so Raph could see better.
"Well this is dad and you're holding him and Donnie and Leo are fighting and I'm sitting down on the floor." Mikey pointed to everyone he was talking about and smiled a toothy grin, his front teeth missing. Raph smiled and giggled.
"Why am I holding dad?" Mikey turned to look at Raph and smiled even wider.
"Because you're the biggest and the manliest out of all of us!" He turned back around and continued drawing. Raph just smiled and wrapped his arms around Mikey, hugging him tight. It was so sweet and he loved when his bro drew for them, but it made him think. He was seen as the biggest and manliest, but why did that feel weird? Doesn't matter, he just wants to hug his silly little brother all day long.
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"C'mon Leo! Stop being such a brat!" Raph chased him around the living room, circling around the couch, the room eventually switching to the kitchen, the arcade, and eventually back to the living room. Leo laughed maniacally and waved his prized possession in the air, throwing it around.
"What? Can't go to bed without Mrs. Snugglemuffins?" Raph's face turned red and he lunged for the slider, ramming into the sofa, his spiky shell tearing through it. Raph screamed and gave chase, Leo running as fast as he could to outrun the beast. He was in for it now.
Mikey clung to Raph's back and shouted at him, but what he was saying Raph couldn't hear, Leo had done it now. He took his beloved bear away from him and for that he was going to pay.
"Give me back Captain Cuddles!" Raph ran right into the wall as Leo dodged, Mikey slid off of his shell. Mikey scrambled to his feet to watch as Raph and Leo ran in circles, Leo still clutching onto the bear and laughing. Donnie walked into the room and smacked Leo on the head, the bear dropping to the ground only for Raph to dive for it and catch it.
"You idiot Nardo, why'd you go and do that? You know I have to clean the lair when Raph goes crazy!" Leo snorted and started going on a ramble as Raph stood up and squinted his eyes at Leo. Mikey hurried to Raph's side and smiled lopsidedly.
"Okay! It's sleeping time now! Time for bed! Let's go guys!" Mikey waved frantically. He was desperately trying to deescalate the situation.
"Aw, come on Mikey! The fun just got started! Pop's is away to get groceries and we have the whole lair to ourselves! You don't want to ruin that do you?" Raph just stared at the bear in his hands and tuned in on what Leo was saying. Donnie just scurried away, cleaning everything and whistling to himself.
Leo turned to Raph and just grinned at him.
"Wasn't that fun Raphie?" If he could blow smoke out of his nose he would. He walked over to Leo and flung a finger to his forehead and flicked him.
"No, that was not fun! You could have hurt him! Don't you ever do that again Leo!" Leo just snorted and crossed his arms after rubbing his head.
"Oh come on, you're too old for stuff like that anymore. Besides, only girls sleep with stuffed animals at our age. We're 10! We're big boys!" Raph handed Captain Cuddles to Mikey and cracked his knuckles, Mikey stepped back and stood by Don. Leo's smile faltered and his eyes flickered to Raph's face.
"Ooh boy-"
"I am not a girl! I will never be a girl! Do not call me a girl!" His fists shook and a knot in his stomach formed. Why did it feel so wrong to say those words? It was true, he never would be a girl, nor did he want to. Did he?
Leo stepped back and held up his hands. He looked at Donnie and whined. He was toast. Raph clenched his fists and raised one, Leo closed his eyes and tensed. This was it, he was dead.
"Whatever. I'm going to bed. Don't let Pops see you guys awake." Raph walked away, staring at the floor. He felt awful and the uneasiness in his stomach was not helping. Maybe if he slept it off he would feel better.
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It had been a few weeks and he kept feeling weird whenever his brothers referred to him as a.. well.. as a "he" or their "brother". It didn't feel right. Raph knew there was something wrong but he wasn't sure. Donnie had come out a while ago as Nonbinary or something and everyone had been using "they" and "them" for the softshell. It was a little weird but Raph was entirely supportive, he just felt weird himself. Was he broken?
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He laid in his bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling and sighing. It was a boring day at the lair, they had just come home from a battle with Hypno and it was exhausting. It wasn't usually this exhausting but today was different. Hypno kept using the wrong Pronouns for Donnie and the brothers just attacked the Hippo, correcting him as they did so. It wasn't anything different from their usual scuffles but for some reason to added aspect of "pronouns" tired Raph out.
He groaned into his hands and sat up. He was tired of feeling weird and gross. He wasn't weird or broken, at least he didn't think so. He just prefered girly things like cartoons and teddy bears and sparkles, but he wasn't broken for it.. was he?
Raph stood up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and grunted. His shell as sharp as ever, his build as muscular as ever, his muscles as manly as ever. He inwardly groaned at the manly aspect of how he looked. Sure, his turtle breed made him look bigger and tougher and he was a natural tank but he felt weak standing in front of the mirror, examining himself. He twisted and turned, willing for something to change. He wasn't sure what he wanted to change but he knew something was off. Maybe Donnie could help him? He stomped off to find a solution.
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Donnie had lent him a tablet (His phone broke and Donnie didn't have time to fix it.) and he searched through it, asking questions after questions on the web and smiling when finding answers. He asked things like, "Why do I feel weird when called a boy" or, "Why do I not like my manliness?" Sure a few things he saw were weird but it was overwhelmingly the same answer.
He was… trans?
It sounded right but he still felt like a guy, he still felt like himself, but he also didn't. He looked that up too. Eventually a few minutes of searching turned into hours and hours turned into days. He needed to know everything. Luckily his brothers didn't bother him or pester him, which was good because he would have spilled what he was doing immediately and then he'd be labeled as a freak.
With all the information he found, he came to a conclusion. It felt like him, he could still be himself with the label but he was also free. He was.. a Demigirl. She smiled at the screen, a few tears shedding down her face. He brought his hands up to his eyes and wiped away the tears. She was finally happy with herself! It was a scary process but she did it, and all on her own too. It explained all the strange outbursts when she was younger and all the weird knots in his stomach that he experienced. He needed to tell someone, anyone so he could get some help but there wasn't really anyone he trusted.. until one name appeared on the screen of the tablet.
April.
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"Are you sure about this Rose?" She nodded and gripped her skirt a little tighter, the edges almost fraying.
"I'm sure April, I'm ready to tell them."
It had been a month of figuring out pronouns and names and outfits but he had finally done it. Raph was going by Rose and Raph and was using he/she pronouns. Everything was going great, April had even been helping her figure everything out. It was now the day Rose was going to come out to her family. It was really scary and nerve-racking but he had to do it, he needed them to know.
"I've got your back in there. You know that, right? If you need me just look over at me and I'll take over. You're going to do great." Raph just nodded and smiled nervously. Now or never baby. He walked into the lair, her skirt swaying a bit and her crop top resting snug. Time for the big reveal. Her fists shook and April just grabbed one of them, smiling and walking with him. This was it.
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"Holy cheese and crackers! I knew it!" Donnie jumped up from his spot on the couch and smiled, clapping and shaking his hands. Leo's mouth was wide open and Mikey was smiling so wide. Leo, Mikey and Donnie wrapped him up in a hug and jumped up and down, squeezing the daylights out of her.
"So.. you guys accept me?" Donnie scoffed and Mikey giggled.
"Of course you big dumb dumb! We accept you and love you so much!" April squeezed Rose's hand and Raph just let his dam break, the tears falling down her face in waves. The turtles just hugged each other until they all stopped crying.
"You guys don't know how much this means to me. I was researching forever and trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I never felt right. I felt broken! I was so scared.." Donnie smiled softly, a mechanical arm reached up and rubbed Raph's shoulder.
"I know what you mean! Why didn't you talk to me?" Rose wiped a tear and looked at the ground.
"I- I don't know.. I didn't think you would have known a lot about how I was feeling specifically I guess?" She shrugged and sighed, bringing everyone back into a quick squeeze.
"I'm just glad we're all still siblings." Mikey and Leo hummed as Donnie gasped at the sudden contact and chuckled, patting her arm.
"Yes yes, we're still related and we all still love each other, now can you let go? That's my physical limit for today-" Raph let them all go and grinned sheepishly, apologizing profusely.
"Sorry Dee- oh! Uhm, do you guys know how I'm going to tell Splinter?-" They all turned and looked behind them at the doorway to the living room, their mouths all dropped.
"I already know my dear child. I already know."
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