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“You can‘t live without love,” they say. “You will always be alone.”
You’re sitting in the library, browsing through the pages of an excessively long grammar book and frowning. Most of the time, you love visiting this place – it’s quiet and full of books, what’s there not to love? But right now, you’d rather be anywhere else; your eyes are tired and you feel like studying will be the death of you. Fuck languages and fuck all those stupid rules, seriously.
There’s a hand on your shoulder. Startled, you turn around. “Yes?”
“Hi, Morgana! Hope I’m not disturbing you.” When you hear Leon’s voice, you relax.
“Of course not,” you smile at him. “Actually, I’m happy for some distraction. This book is just plain awful.”
Leon takes the book in his hands, reads a random sentence and crinkles his nose with confusion and disgust, “Seriously, Morgana, how can you remember all of this? I admire you.”
“I admire me too,” you grin. “Anyway, how was your day?”
Leon sits down next to you and sighs, “Hamburgers.”
Well, it’s not like you’re not used to Leon being weird. “Sorry?”
“Hamburgers,” he repeats. “There’s this huge billboard right next to my house and they’ve put a new ad there. It shows two young girls in their underwear as they’re wrestling for a single hamburger. What does that even mean? Does it mean only women can eat fast food? Or do you have to dress down beforehand? Do you have to be wearing a red bra, specifically? I don’t have a red bra.”
You’ve known Leon for years and you’d suspected he was asexual even before he knew what the word meant. You love having ace friends, because you can count on them to consider this oversexualised society to be as ridiculous as you do. “Sorry about that. You can’t ever have a hamburger again unless you visit Burger King in lingerie.”
“I’d look weird in lingerie.”
“Everyone looks good in lingerie,” you assure him, a smile tugging at your lips.
The both of you burst into laughter at once. “Oh god,” says Leon as he’s gasping for breath, “what is this world we live in? Why do even hamburgers have to be sexy? That’s fucked up.”
“Welcome to the twenty first century, Leon!” you say, still laughing.
“You can‘t live without love,” they say. “You will always be alone.”
Every year, people accuse you of disliking Valentine’s Day. Well, they’re wrong. You don’t dislike it, you hate it. Hearts and kisses and couples everywhere... It’s not that you’re not happy for your friends and relatives who are in relationships, but sometimes you want to smash heads with a brick, because – hello, romance isn’t all that matters!
One Valentine’s Day, you wake up. You got next to no sleep last night and it takes you forever to finally crawl out of your bed. When you do, you notice there’s a pink paper heart placed on your desk. Puzzled, you pick it up and skim it through with your stinging eyes.
You’re awesome and I love you. Let’s have a Star Wars marathon! (no homo and no romo) –Gwen
You have no idea how the little piece of paper appeared in your room. Gwen must have asked Morgause, your flatmate, to put it there. You smirk. Well, this kind of Valentine’s Day you could get used to, you suppose.
“You can‘t live without love,” they say. “You will always be alone.”
It’s this year’s Pride, you’ve been looking forward to it for months. You wear your best purple dress and dig out some white jewellery and black stockings from the depths of your wardrobe. As a finishing touch, you use face paint to decorate your forehead with an asexual flag. You look in the mirror and can’t help but love what you see. Does that make you self-centered? Even if it does, you couldn’t care less, honestly.
You get out of your flat. Your friends are all there, impatiently waiting for you. Upon spotting you, Morgause whistles and goes in for a hug. She’s dressed in her “I’M AN AROMANTIC DRAGON” T-shirt, a short black skirt and colourful knee-high socks. She looks as gorgeous as ever.
“Well don’t you look beautiful!” Morgause says after she lets you go.
“The same to you!”
You can hear Arthur cough from behind you, “Ladies, stop your platonic flirting thing and let’s set off, okay?”
Morgause makes a pouty face, “Can’t I even hug my bestie? You’re the one who was making out with Merlin just a moment ago!”
Merlin at least has the courtesy to blush, but you know that he’s not actually sorry at all. However, you can forgive him for that. It’s Pride day after all and everyone should be content and proud of who they are with no fear and need to hide their identity. He coughs, “Um, sorry about that, Morgause. But Arthur’s right, we should go already.”
So you all do. You notice Leon has bought a huge ace flag for the three of you (that is you, he and Morgause) to wave. Arthur, Gwaine and Gwen are rocking the bi flag colours (Gwaine is actually pan, but he was too lazy to get his own T-shirt and stole one from Arthur instead), while Merlin and Percival look like two living rainbows and Mithian has the words “TRANS PRINCESS” written over her back. And wow, how many hours did it take her to draw those perfect eye lines? She’s breathtaking.
The meeting place isn’t far from your home, you and your friends get there in a while. The march begins and you yell, you wave the flag, you accept the compliments from fellow ace and aro people who walk by. It’s so utterly beautiful, all those lovely people around you. You feel true happiness flooding your insides and you wish this moment would never end.
“You can‘t live without love,” they say. “You will always be alone.”
“Morgana? Can I talk to you?” Mordred approaches you shyly. You don’t remember seeing him this nervous before, he’s biting his lower lip and looks... afraid and shaken. You’re overcome with worry and sympathy for your younger friend. You got to know him at a rock festival a year ago and somehow, the two of you became a pair of unlikely friends. He’s a sweet boy with a big heart and you took him under your wings because you would hate it if he came to harm.
“Of course, you can always talk to me,” you say gently. “What is it, Mordred?”
“I... Morgana, there’s something... weird about me.”
You frown, “Don’t say that! I’m sure that’s not true.” Who could have planted a thought like that into his mind? You’re going to kill them, you swear.
An ugly, ironical smile shows on his face and it’s wrong, so wrong. “I’ve never had any relationships,” he blurts out. “And I’ve never really wanted to. I haven’t crushed on a girl, I haven’t crushed on a boy, I don’t want to kiss people and I definitely don’t want anything else. Morgana, am I... broken? Do you think I will change?”
Oh no, you think, my sweet young friend. Why do people have to go through this?
Outloud, you say, “Listen to me now, Mordred. Are you listening?”
He nods slowly.
“Good. Have you ever heard the term aromantic?”
He shakes his head no.
“It means you feel no romantic attraction whatsoever. You could meet the most beautiful girl or a boy or a person in the world and you still wouldn’t want to date them. And you know what? It’s perfectly okay and there’s nothing wrong with you. I am the same, actually.”
Mordred’s eyes widen in surprise, “Really?”
“Yes, really,” you nod. “I was confused and afraid just like you, but I’ve come to terms with all of this and trust me, even though I don’t feel the urge to lick anyone’s face, it doesn’t make my life any worse.”
Finally, Mordred smiles at you, he really smiles and it lightens up his eyes. You know he’s going to be alright and you’re so grateful for that.
“You can‘t live without love,” they say. “You will always be alone.”
“You’ve cheated! Again!” you yell at Morgause and throw your pillow at her. All she does is laugh and throw it back.
“I don’t cheat,” she replies, “and you know that. It’s not my fault you suck at video games!”
You pretend to be angry at her, but it never lasts long. “I’m good at other things, though!”
Morgause smiles, lays the controller down on the sofa and turns the cursed Playstation off. “You are, and I know that. You’re kind and intelligent and you sing like an angel. Unless you’re drunk, then you sound more like an air raid siren.”
“Hey! You...” You grab another pillow, but Morgause catches your wrist without blinking an eye.
“You know I love pillow fights,” she tells you, “but not now, please. I’m tired as hell.” To prove her words, she yawns loudly.
“What, already? You haven’t even finished your bowl of popcorn!”
“You finish it,” she says and gets up. “Good night, Morgana.”
“Good night to you, too,” you reply. Morgause gives you a small smile and disappears in her room.
You and Morgause live together, but you don’t share a bed. You never kiss, you never cuddle, you never go out for dates, yet you are content that way. You love each other and just because it’s a kind of love some people don’t understand doesn’t make it any less real.
“My life is full of love,” you tell them. "I will never be alone.”