Chapter Text
Donnie awoke with a start.
He scrambled to sit up, limbs flailing, blanket contorting and wrapping around him. He was struggling to catch his breath, feeling like he was choking on air.
Donnie normally isn't quite able to pinpoint the emotions he feels when he feels them. Not being one to give off certain telltale signs or signals. But he recognizes it now- he's afraid.
Donatello is very afraid.
It's the deep, agonizing, burrowing fear he felt a few months ago. The blood-curdling horror of seeing his red-clad brother being swarmed by parasitic, pink tentacles. A painful kind of panic, being ripped from the odd controls of an extraterrestrial spaceship. Terror, the thought that they were too late, seeing the damage done to the city, the abnormal object protruding from the sky.
Dread.
His brother- his twin- the dread he felt, hearing those words come through his communication system. He felt it all so strongly, like the feeling buried itself into his chest and spread as each second passed, helpless to the way it choked him. Helpless to stop his twin.
The worst of it all, the overwhelmingly empty feeling he felt, when the portal closed in the sky.
He feels it all now, despite those feelings being rooted in the past.
He feels the crushing fear, suffocating, it's suffocating him, he can't breathe.
Why can't he breathe?
What's happening?
He's in danger.
Donnie opens his eyes- when did he close them? He looks around the room- his room. Why is he in danger? Why would he be in danger here? What's going on?
Oh.
It wasn't real. He was having a nightmare.
Breathe, come on- He tries to get control of his lungs again, feeling lightheaded.
Come on, Donatello. Breathe. It's not that hard. Your body does it subconsciously, this is unnecessary.
This is unnecessary.
His breathing starts to slow, he's not exactly sure why that worked. He sits in bed for a while longer, steadying his breathing, it takes longer than he wants it to. His hand is tense, and he looks down to see he's grasping his blanket much too tightly.
He takes a deep, albeit shaky, breath, and loosens his grip. He rubs the soft fabric in between his hands, grounding himself. He feels.. He feels.
And he hates it.
And as he brings himself back, he feels something else, something softer.
Something annoyingly recognizable.
He sighs, pinching in between his eyes, where his nose bridge would be. This started happening after the Kraang attack. He wishes it didn't.
At the very least, he wishes he didn't know what it was.
But of course he does. The second it happened he started researching.
Hunched over his desk, squinting at his computer in the dark, typing much too slow, uncoordinated. It was the day after Leo was able to stand up, take more care of himself. Donnie wasn't needed as much, finally able to crash- and he did, he slept for almost thirteen hours. After he woke up, he felt different.
He felt lighter, better than he did in a few weeks. It was odd though, accompanied with his head feeling foggy, like it was stuffed with cotton.
Although not an unwelcome sensation, Donnie still found himself worried. He was confused, the emotion having weight to it, like it was bigger- in fact, everything felt bigger. As though he were smaller.
He got out of bed and went straight to his lab, blaming his slight clumsiness on having just woken up.
He locked the door as soon as he got through it, beelining towards his computer. He tried a few google searches- stuff about a foggy, fuzzy feeling. It only came up with "brain fog" which he filed away as a possibility, but it didn't seem to fit, so he continued.
He didn't get what he was looking for until about an hour later, frustrated tears pricking his eyes.
He didn't understand why he was so emotional, he hasn't felt like this since he was a lot younger-
Something clicked.
Did he... feel like a child..?
He tried a few more google searches, "why do i feel like a kid again?" which only came up with things like "how to feel like a kid again" and various odd psychology studies.
He sighed, and tried a different keyword.
"Why do i suddenly feel like a kid?"
Age regression occurs when you mentally retreat to an earlier age.
He didn't end up liking what he found.
He spent the next few hours researching as much as he could.
Apparently, this was a coping mechanism, with a surprisingly large, complex community. He found himself getting distracted by soft pastels and interactive notebook pages, that he didn't notice the footsteps coming down the hallway.
He jumped at a sudden knock at the door, "Donnie? Are you in there?" He heard his older brother call through the metal, a slight worry to his tone.
He frantically closed the tabs he had open, clicking on blueprints for his latest project and shoving random bits and parts onto his work station, figuring Raph wouldn't know the difference. He threw his blanket far under his desk, and stopped chewing on his thumb, taking it out of his mouth- wait what.
When did he... why..-
"Donnie?"
He figured he'd dwell on that later, wiping his hand on his signature purple hoodie.
"Coming!" He called back, wincing at how his voice sounded, then making his way to the door, whispering to himself, trying to make it sound normal.
He took a deep breath, and opened the door, looking at the worried expression of his brother.
"You called, dear brother?" He spoke, trying his hardest to keep his voice as normal as possible.
Raph looked behind him into his lab, eyes landing on the spare parts on his work station. "Are you.. working right now?" He asked, incredulously.
"I was.. starting to," He lied, awkwardly, "I just- uh- I just woke up- and I..um-"
Raph sighed, "You have to take a break Don, you slept for ages- you clearly need it." He said, taking Donnie's terrible attempt at lying as covering up overworking.
Donnie just nodded, trying to talk as little as possible.
Raph hesitated, "..I'll bring your lunch to you if you want, but only if you promise to do something other than working for the rest of the day afterwards."
Donnie copied Raph's hesitation, pretending to put more thought into it than he really was. "Yeah, I promise."
Raph looked shocked for a moment, but smiled anyway, "I'm holding you to that, little brother."
Donnie felt the.. feeling tug at his brain, "little brother", his mind dwelled on.
"Donnie? You okay?" Raph questioned, and Donnie realized he hadn't responded, instead zoning out. He simply nodded and faked a smile, not trusting his voice to not give him away.
Raph hesitated again, there was a lot of that going around apparently, "Okay.. well, I'll go check and see how Mikey's doing with the food."
He turned and walked down the hall, leaving Donnie, who pretty much immediately closed the door behind him. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and made his way back to his computer. He figured he'd actually try to work, before he was put on working-lockdown after he ate.
His fingers were more clumsy in their movements than he would've liked, but after he got focused they regained their coordination. He didn't feel strange anymore.
-------
Now, he sat in his bed, trying to chase the feeling away. He's feeling heavy emotions, a weight in his chest- probably from the aftermath of his nightmare. He doesn't remember exactly what the nightmare was, but he has a feeling it was more of a flashback.
He rubs his temples, closing his eyes, trying to fight the fog that threatens to cover his thoughts, and the tears that are close to escaping his eyes.
There's a knock on the wall right outside his room.
He jumps, and snaps his head back, not thinking about his appearance- body tangled in his blanket, arms shaking, a distressed expression on his face.
He faces Leo, who has mouth open, probably about to greet Donnie with some clever quip or pun.
Now, his mouth slowly closes, concern lacing his features.
Donnie suddenly realizes what he must look like, turning back around and trying to fix the whole blanket situation. He sees his twin peek over the edge of his bed, having just come up the ladder. He clears his throat and turns away, not able to face him like this.
"Hey Don?" Leo pokes Donnie in the arm, "Can I come up?"
Donnie fidgets with the end of his blanket, still not looking at the slider. After a moment, he nods, teetering on the edge of what he's been dreading, just longing for comfort.
Leo wastes no time climbing up all the way, sitting in front of Donnie,
"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was calming, patient.
Donnie simply shook his head. A moment passed, a shaky breath escaped the purple turtle.
"Dee?" Leo asked, concerned.
Something about his tone struck Donnie a certain way, a tear rolling down his face. More tears escaped his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands, feeling awkwardly young.
"Donnie..?" Leo asked again, hesitant, "Is it.. okay if I touch you?" Donnie moved his hands just enough to be able to look at Leo. As much as he wanted to keep the little composure he had, he was too far gone.
He shot forward, engulfing his twin in a hug.
"What-" Leo was cut off by a loud sob. He was shocked, to say the least.
Though that wore off quickly as more broken sobs came from Donnie. Leo brought his arms up and squeezed Donnie tighter against his body, his heart hurt for his twin, his twin who has been so calm, so focused these past few months.
He assumed since Donnie wasn't always that great at lying, him hiding his feelings wouldn't be something to worry about. As Leo held his usually stoic, stone faced twin, who is currently breaking down in his arms, he realizes how far from the truth that was.
They stay that way for a little while, Donnie sobbing in Leo's hold, Leo rubbing his shell, trying to be as comforting as possible.
------
After the tears stopped, Donnie found himself exhausted. He couldn't gather the strength to pull himself out of his... regression. He just slumped against his brother, soaking in affection.
He felt.. safe.
He felt... he felt small.
And for once, he didn't really hate it.
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Meanwhile, Leo couldn't stop thinking, there were things he hadn't noticed about Donnie, his twin brother, that he felt like he should have.
So many things happened that day. So many things happened in the months afterwards. So many things were still happening.
Donnie had kept feelings from him, from everyone.
As Leo sat there, he internally swore to keep a closer eye on the soft shell.
And he had a feeling Donnie wouldn't like it that much.