Chapter Text
The Christmas party was winding down.
Instead of throwing it at the office Stede had decided it would be nice to throw it at the pub across the street. The gang were regulars there as it was, they’d go over for drinks after work sometimes, it was a nice place.
It hadn’t been a bad decision. They’d gotten in at about 3:05pm; the office closed early on Christmas eve, and they’d headed straight over. Stede had started a tab the company credit card behind the bar and told them to cut it off once they’d reached $400- the limit set by the company for a Christmas party.
Olu and Jim had been the first to leave, at 3:55pm Olu announced that they had to head out and get to Nana’s. Jim had reluctantly gone with him.
At 11:25pm Frenchie and Wee John were the last ones standing, but barely. Frenchie slumped against John’s shoulder, turning his head to nuzzle into him.
“Gettin’ sleepy,” he said into John’s shirt.
John scoffed, “Yeah? Shall we get you home?”
Stede nodded, waving his hand lazily, “Get him home.”
“You gunna head off soon too?” John asked, pulling off his Christmas hat, slowly and unsurely getting to his feet.
“Uh…” Stede shrugged and nodded, “Guess I have to.”
It was Stede’s first Christmas as a single person, the kids were with Mary and Doug for the holidays, and Stede sure as hell wasn’t going to go to his parents for the day.
He’d be all by himself, for the first time in his life.
“You can come to ours if you want?” John offered, “Kip on the couch?”
Stede scoffed, shaking his head, “I couldn’t intrude. It’s your first Christmas together.”
John helped Frenchie to his feet, holding him under the arm to steady him. “Alright, if you’re sure. See you next year.”
Stede let out a weak chuckle. The office wouldn’t reopen till the 2nd of January. “Yeah, next year.”
He watched them leave, and then raised his hand to flag down a waiter.
“Can I have another, please?” he asked, gesturing to his glass.
The waiter gave him a stiff nod, and walked to the bar.
Stede turned his attention to the wrapping paper scattered across the table. They had done a secret santa that had been pretty successful. Stede had gotten Nathaniel a small clay dish that was shaped like a seagull, to keep keys or change in. He had loved it, teared up over it. Stede had received a box of caramel truffles inside a lovely decorative box.
He was pulled from his thoughts by someone sitting down opposite him, and the sound of two glasses being placed on the table.
Looking up he saw the owner of the pub, a handsome leather clad guy… name of…
Ed?
Ed.
“Ed,” Stede smiled in hello.
Ed pushed a glass of beer over towards Stede, keeping the other to himself.
“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here at 11:30 on Christmas eve?” Ed asked.
Stede’s lip twitched in a mix of confusion and flattery.
Ed’s eyes dragged over him as he lifted his drink to take a sip. “You know, I’ve got a few employees here who’d like to get home before midnight, but they’re not meant to leave until all the patrons have left.”
Stede’s brow fell into a frown. “Oh I…” he cleared his throat, he hadn’t considered that they might have been keeping the place open. “I can clear out if you want?”
Ed shook his head, “I’ve let them go now, I’m locking up myself.” He gestured to his drink, “After this, I mean.”
Stede gave a soft nod, “Oh, ok. I’m glad I’m not keeping them up.”
Ed’s eyes moved to one of the employees as they walked through on their way out. “Nah, Izzy’s a bit of a workaholic, always asks to stay late. Always has something to do…” His gaze cast back to Stede. “You got no where else to be tonight? I thought you had a family? Two kids right? You showed me their pictures once.”
Stede looked down at his drink, taking a sip before answering. “Not anymore.”
Ed cocked his head slightly, a frown ghosting his face, “Nothing tragic, right?” He lifted his feet off the floor, kicking them over the seat across from him, inches away from touching Stede’s leg.
“Just divorce,” Stede smiled, forcing his usual cheery demeanour.
Ed shook his head, tutting. “Sorry to hear that.” He tilted his foot slightly, tapping against Stede’s thigh in a comforting motion.
Stede shrugged, letting out a soft breath. He wasn’t really sure if he should get into it with a near stranger. It still hurt to talk about, but talking helped.
“Been a… tough year.” He settled on saying.
“Yeah,” Ed said quietly. “I’ve heard about some of it.” He smiled, “Your coworkers… They really care about you. Talk about you a lot, Stede, I,” he let out a small chuckle, “I feel like I know you already.”
A soft blush came to Stede’s face, Ed’s eyes on him, large and dark, piercing.
“Well I…” he cleared his throat. Maybe this man was safe to talk to, he wasn’t a perfect stranger. “You can’t know everything. I haven’t told them everything.”
Ed shrugged. “Well, it’s the bartenders job to listen to people’s woes. Always interesting. I’ll listen to yours.”
“Dunno about interesting.”
“If you don’t wanna tell me, we can always just drown our sorrows?”
Stede smiled weakly, “That’s what I’ve been trying to do all night.”
“Maybe we need some stronger stuff, then.” Ed got to his feet, walking over to the bar and leaning over it, pulling a bottle from one of the shelves. “Shots?”
Stede grimaced slightly, “Maybe one or two?”
Ed plopped the bottle down on the table and poured out a couple of shots. “Consider it a Christmas present.”
Stede took his shot and coughed. “Wow…”
Ed downed his shot to keep up. “Good stuff, right?”
“I’m… I don’t really know how to judge vodka quality.”
“It’s good stuff,” Ed assured him, pouring out another two shots.
Stede looked at the shot, letting out an awkward huff.
“You don’t have to drink it,” Ed smiled, sly, “You could just tell me what’s on your mind instead.”
“That’s a dirty trick.”
Ed shrugged, “It works. You wanna tell me or do you wanna take a shot?”
“I guess I’ll talk.” He cleared his throat, suddenly unsure of where to begin. “Well, Mary’s got the kids for the holiday, I’m not going to see them for the next two weeks.”
“First holiday on your own?”
Stede nodded.
“It’s not that bad. You don’t have to think about what anyone else wants. You can just do your own thing.”
“You have no one to share it with. It might as well be a regular day.”
Ed shook his head, taking his and Stede’s shots in quick succession. “That doesn’t have to be true. You can make the day special for yourself. I buy myself my gifts in January, by the time it gets to December I’ve forgotten what I got myself.”
“I didn’t know I was going to be alone last January.”
“…I guess it’s the suddenness of it that hurts, right?” Ed guessed, “Last Christmas was your last Christmas as a family and you didn’t know it?”
Stede shook his head, frowning, his gaze moving down to the table, looking at the drabs of beer in his glass. “…I… I knew it would be the last one. They didn’t.”
“You were unhappy for a while, then?” Ed pried.
“I’ve been unhappy my whole life,” Stede said quietly.
Ed smiled weakly, “Well, now you can start working towards it, right? Picking everything up is hard but you’ll do it. You can be with whoever you want and you can live your life however you want.”
Stede felt himself still slightly as Ed spoke, his eyes snapping back up. Like he’d been caught in headlights. ‘Be with whoever you want’. He hadn’t told anyone about… that other than Mary.
“How did you…?” he started to ask.
“It’s only as hard as you make it, Stede. You can either keep denying yourself and continue to live half a life, or go in head first.”
“Who told you I was…?” he was struggling to structure the question.
Ed looked at him questioningly. “What?”
“I got… divorced… because I’m… I’m gay…” Stede spoke slowly and quietly, as if he’d never said it out loud before. The words churned in his stomach before they left him.
“Good reason to get divorced,” Ed shrugged. “You gotta keep reminding yourself that things will be better this way. You’re living your real life. You’re being your true self. The people who care about you will be able to tell you’re better off this way.”
Stede shook his head. He hadn’t told anyone other than Mary. He felt so out of place in the life he’d built for himself.
Ed tapped his foot against him again, “Believe me, you’ll find happiness soon enough. We’re all family here, we’ll look out for you.”
“Family?” Stede asked, frowning.
Ed looked Stede up and down, “Well, yeah.”
“What do… what does that mean? Family?”
Ed shifted in his seat, downing another shot of vodka. “Family. Y’know? Queer?”
Stede huffed, “Qu- I thought you weren’t meant to say that word..?”
Ed scoffed, his smile widening. “Only if you’re not one of us. You really are new to this, huh?”
“You’re… the first person I’ve told other than my wife. My ex-wife.”
Ed chuckled softly, “You’ve got a long road ahead of you. First thing’s first: Christmas. We open on Christmas day, we do a Christmas dinner from 1pm till 5pm. It’s all old folks who can’t cook for themselves anymore and queers who don’t have anywhere else to go. I can introduce you to some of your own people, get that new life of yours started.”
He held out his hand.
“What do you say? Yeah?”
Stede looked at Ed’s hand.
Ed extended his hand further. “I know you’ve got nothing else going on.”
Stede nodded reluctantly, reaching out to take Ed’s hand and shake it.
“Ok. I’ll be here.”