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"Hey, Pixl," said Joel, landing clumsily on the ground next to the historian. "What time is it? I lost my watch at Sanctuary and I don't know where it went."
"1," replied Pix without looking up from where he was rearranging sheaths of paper.
"Huh, that's strange," said Joel, scratching his beard. "I could have sworn the sun just rose two hours ago. Oh, well. Thanks for the help-"
"Wait, you mean the time since the sun rose this morning?" asked Pix, looking up.
"Uh... yeah."
"Oh, well then I'd have to take a measurement of that," said Pix. "I didn't check when I woke up this morning. I'd say about 0.7, then, if you're going off of when the sun set yesterday evening..."
"Pix, what are you bloody talking about?" asked Joel. "0.7 isn't a time."
"I'm not saying it's a time," said Pix, standing up. "But if you wanted to know how long it's been since yesterday evening, it's been about 0.7."
"0.7 what?"
"Centimeters."
"Okay," said Joel, putting his hands on his hips. "You've finally gone insane. It only took you like, four months, which I think is a world record. Seven bloody centimeters? What is that even supposed to mean?"
"0.7 centimeters," replied Pix. Joel bent down and studied his expression for any signs of hysteria, sleep deprivation, or madness, but there was none. Pix looked as serene as ever, now with an eyebrow raised.
"You drank muddy water again, didn't you," concluded Joel, standing up again. "Shelby's hut is east, watch out for the fog, she should be able to cure you of any poisoning-"
"Joel, what are you on about?" asked Pix with a laugh. "The first thing they teach you in Cub Scouts is to never drink from stagnant or otherwise discolored water."
"In what?"
"Nevermind. You asked me for the time, and I gave it to you. I hope you find your watch, Joel." And with that, Pix strode right past the god and over to the crypt.
"YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE TIME!" Joel yelled after him. "You just gave me numbers! Get back here, Pixlriffs!"
"Time is really just a bunch of numbers stacked on top of each other," Pix called back.
Joel decided that he'd had enough of this man and ran forwards, overtaking him easily. He turned around, shrunk down to roughly Pix's height, and put his hands on his shoulders, looking him right in the eyes. "Pixl. I don't know what's gotten into you, but I have no idea what you're going on about. Could you please just tell me, in hours, if we're closer to 7am or 1pm."
Pix glanced at the sky and back to Joel, shrugging. "I don't know," he said.
"How do you speak centimeters but not hours, minutes, and seconds?"
Pix shook himself loose and stepped back, looking considerably more annoyed now. "You're being vague is the problem," he said. "Hours, minutes, and seconds since when exactly?"
"Are you messing with me?" asked Joel.
"Maybe."
"Oh my- okay," muttered Joel, putting his face in one hand. "Okay. Please give me the time, in hours, since the sun rose this morning."
"You could have just said that," said Pix, walking into the crypt and gesturing to Joel to follow. "Come on."
Joel, muttering to himself, followed reluctantly, kicking rocks the whole time.
"Okay," said Pix once inside, sitting in front of an outcropping of stone and opening his laptop on top of it. "Right. So if we're on version 20.023.0104..."
"Pix-"
"divide the version by the manifest logs and add 0.5..."
"Pix."
"...internal clock may be off by a little- What?"
"I asked for the time, not maths."
"Well, you're getting it," answered Pix, turning the laptop towards Joel. "There. The answer is 103."
"That's not a time," said Joel, stepping backwards. "Listen. I don't know what wizard magic you're doing, but you're starting to scare me. I'll just go ask Sausage for the time. It's fine."
"It's not wizard magic," said Pix, looking up. "Now if you want magic-"
"No," said Joel. "I'm- listen, I'll send you the Wikipedia article on standard methods of counting time, and- you know what," he said, losing patience, "do you even know what year it is?"
"Easy," said Pix. "2020-3."
"You mean 2023?"
"No. 2020-3."
"Pix, I'm going," said Joel, walking backwards out of the room. "You're scaring me."
"Alright then," said Pix with a shrug. "Good luck finding your watch, Joel."
"...Thanks, Pix. Hope you find that article useful."
"I'm sure I will."
Joel walked out very confused and at least 30% filled with the fear of God.
"Hey, Sausage?" asked Joel when he got back to Sanctuary."
"Yes?" asked Sausage, turning around.
"What time is it?"
"Oh, at least two Wednesdays old."
"Fuck."