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“I am Torch. You don’t have to remember me.”
It was amid bookshelves and bookshelves of sinners’ stories that they first met each other. Es hadn’t expected to meet a prisoner in this part of the ward, as everyone else had gone off to have dinner together, so his frosty and dispassionate introduction was greeted by a startled stare.
Should she introduce herself back? Even though they already know her? Es was still mulling over what to do when she realized it was futile. The boy didn’t seem to be bothered by the lack of a reply.
Instead, he reclined himself on an old, wooden chair, closing his eyes. “I don’t recommend staying in this place for a long time. The demons will get to you.”
Es knew what he meant by that. Pulsating from the shelves were intense emotions related to sins–curses, passions, cries of anguish… They all stagnated into the air. If one were to prolong their stay here, then their minds would no doubt be eroded.
But since she was the warden of this prison, she should be fine, right–
“Just leave.” Torch didn’t even bother to look Es’ way as he said that. The utter audacity.
“…Why should I?” replied the warden, crossing her arms and resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “You’re here as well, are you not?”
This statement seemed to catch his attention, apparently, because upon hearing it, he opened his eyes and looked at her with an…emotion that she couldn’t quite fathom. Or was he? She couldn’t quite tell because of how his bangs hid the windows to his soul so meticulously.
“You…” he squinted. “Is it okay to play friends with the prisoners? You’re in a position where you’ll have to judge us.”
Es couldn’t see how that was a problem. Confidently, she raised her chin and fixed her hat into her head, smirking.
“Well, I decided to be a guard that’s close with the prisoners. This also includes you,” she said as she went her way towards the door. She looked back at him one last time before going for real. “Also, dinner’s almost ready, so come join us. Surely, you feel a little bit hungry.”
Torch grunts out a bitter “Alright,” in response, eliciting an amused snicker from the warden.
Conversation with him seemed bland at first due to the lack of emotion, but…it felt oddly familiar...so it wasn’t unwelcome.
Es couldn’t find it in her to wonder why, back then.
“Himori-kun. That’s your name, right?”
He would’ve given her a look of utter irritation if he had it in him to do so, but he found his heart completely empty, so he just stared at her blankly instead. The breeze blew against her hair as she stood near the railings, disguising her expression and obscuring it from his view.
Not that he was interested. He huffed instead as he sat on the floor several meters from her, uttering, “This place is off-limits, you know.”
A silence fell between the two of them. He began to count the number of seconds that passed, surmising for sure that she’d leave anytime soon… But then….
She giggled, covering her mouth slightly with her right hand. “Well, you’re here as well, are you not?”
He didn’t realize it at all, back then–just how much this girl was going to be a cherished part of his life.
“We’re all ‘murderers.’ You knew it from the beginning.”
A day had passed since Nervous’ trial. Close and Two-side had suffered massive damage over the events that transpired, while Torch remained as calm as ever. Es had thought of this demeanor as reassuring, at first, because it meant she could discuss things clearly with someone… However…
It only took a moment for Es to realize that it wasn’t that Torch was calm–he was simply indifferent towards anything and everything.
“You…you don’t understand the value of life at all,” Es said, disbelievingly, shaking her head. “You don’t think much about humans… You don’t even care for your own life.”
Torch looked away, confirming the warden’s train of thought. “You’re right about that. That’s why I don’t see how Close and Two-side are so panicked over this. Being killed and disposed of is unavoidable.”
Being killed and disposed of… Is that all that he thought of Gentle’s and Nervous’ trials? Did he not witness their stories? Their reasons as to why they became the way they are?
“…I am disgusted.” These words seemed to garner his attention, at least, since he finally turned to look at Es as she said this. She was fuming, clearly disappointed by the way he thought. “Tell me…how are you even human?”
A ghost of a smirk came across Torch’s face upon hearing this, but it was so fleeting that it almost felt like a dream. When he spoke his reply, his voice still sounded as detached and cold as ever…but it only wound up making him sound more terrifying.
“How am I even human? You tell that to yourself, warden. You’re using Milgram’s rules as justification for murder,” he says as he walked away, not bothering to give Es so much as one last glance. “Between the both of us, you seem more like a monster.”
Those words pierced through Es’ heart, nearly shattering it to pieces.
He was right. Compared to her, he seemed more moral, albeit in a twisted sense–Torch saw no value in human lives, so he found no merit in taking them away. But what about her? Es understood very well the value of life; and yet she just took away two lives under the guise of expending her authority.
She was the monster. Not him.
Es pursed her lips.
“Hey,” she called out. To her surprise, he actually stopped and looked her way. “I have one last request.”
“May I touch your Book of Sin?”
A beautiful blue sky. Torch stood on a rooftop with few bloodstains on the concrete. He looked up, as he’s surrounded by police officers, rescuers, and teachers.
“Were my actions right or wrong?”
His voice was trembling, and tears threatened to spill from his eyes.
“I protected her, but I also couldn’t. I’m halfway.”
Es didn’t understand.
“Himori-kun, could you go somewhere with me for a bit?”
She asked that question all of a sudden, one day, as out of the blue as the cerulean sky they stood beneath.
He would’ve declined. He definitely would’ve declined. After all, he cared not for matters like this… But this girl was trembling, and she looked like she would pass out any second now.
It seemed as if she wanted to escape from something terrifying.
“…Alright. I don’t mind.” He found himself agreeing, even though he wouldn’t have done so months ago.
Dispassionate and nihilistic he may be, he had enough care to give towards handling fragile things, be it human or pottery. This was nothing to him still.
“Here, take this.”
It’s almost concerning how fast the day ended now that they spent it together. She handed him a blue handkerchief, to which he looked at with abject horror. “Don’t look at it like that! Haven’t you ever received a thank-you gift before?”
He reluctantly took it in hand, brows furrowing. “I’m just surprised. Why would you need to buy me such a thing?”
She didn’t reply as fast as one might have expected her to do. Instead, she smiled at him with a broken kind of expression.
“I was just thinking about how you’re always so cold all the time, and yet despite that, you actually care a lot more than you let on,” she said, looking anywhere but into his eyes. “Himori-kun… You might not think so, but you’re actually really human.”
He fell into a pensive silence before responding.
“…Perhaps.”
He liked pets. He liked wonderful pieces of art. And now, maybe he liked humans, too.
Perhaps even just one.
“I’m the last one. When will my book be opened?”
Not much words are exchanged as the final two inhabitants of Milgram faced one another, each one as determined as the other to face the truth.
Es inhaled sharply. She reached out her hand to him.
“Torch. Let’s go.”
“Himori-kun, I’m here today.”
“Kogami, you’re here today.”
One thing they had in common was that they were always running away.
He was uncomfortable in this world centered around humans. A world that found special value in them.
She was ostracized and harassed by her peers. In their classroom, all one could ever hear about her were bad things.
But in that rooftop, they were safe. It was a sanctuary that protected their hearts from a world that constantly sought to break them.
"Hehe, I got to see Himori-kun in such a hurry for the first time…”
(They were always running away.)
“…Absolutely…don’t open the door!”
He didn’t understand what was happening.
She was bleeding from the head, lying on the floor right in front of him…but instead of being at her side, his back was against the door to the rooftop, keeping anything and anyone from getting to where they were.
“Kogami…” He paled, shaking his head profusely as he helplessly stared at her. “You’re already bleeding so much. We need…we need to get help–”
“Hey, the floor is really bloody!”
“I have to take a picture!”
“I’m scared if she dies...”
“Whaddaya mean? It’s better if she’s dead!”
The two fell silent upon hearing those heartless words.
She smiled at him, trembling.
(How dare she smile at him?)
“Why…why do you have to ask this of me?” his voice wavered as he cried. He didn’t realize his heart could break as much as it did at that moment. “If you ask me like that…of course I can’t leave this place.”
After what felt like an eternity of suffering, the adults arrived. A rescuer, a police officer, some teachers…
But he already knew it was too late. Her skin was deathly pale, and the light in her eyes was quickly fading.
“Himori-kun, the sky today is beautiful.”
Those were her last words to him.
(He protected her dignity, but couldn’t protect her life.)
“Kogami Sumi is you, Es.”
“…I already know.”
Sumi was the sole connection between all of the prisoners. It was only natural for her, as the warden, to reach this sort of conclusion, especially now that they were at the finale.
But still, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was fate being cruel, or if it was fate giving them a second chance to make things right.
Perhaps it was both.
Es pursed her lips before she cracked a wry smile at the boy before her.
“Himori-kun. I’m here.”
A semblance of affection and emotion passed through Torch’s face, and it remained there as he smiled back at the warden.
“Kogami. You’re here.”
Delusional as it might have been to say, but it felt like they were at that rooptop yet again, just them two.
“I’m sorry for putting such a heavy burden on you, Himori-kun.”
“...Was it the right decision for me to just leave you to die? You can finally answer me now.”
Es thought back to how she wanted someone to protect her from her classmates, how she trusted Himori. He responded to her trust, and protected her up until the last moment, even though it hurt him so much.
It was obvious what her verdict would be.
The word INNOCENT began to etch itself onto Torch’s Book of Sin. A sense of relief flashed by his expression the moment he saw that, and he looked at Es with a gaze she could not bring herself to put into words. Was it gratefulness? Or was it more than just that?
“I wasn’t…wrong…” Torch’s lips trembled as he uttered those words, finally being reassured after a long time of bearing his guilt. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he found the emotions he cast away long ago. He broke into a rare and faltering smile. “I’m glad… I’m really glad.”
A blinding light began to surround and wrap him, bit by bit. Seeing this, Es ran up to Torch, embracing him just as he began to slowly and achingly fade away.
He hiccuped a sob, hugging her back. Tightly. As if he never wanted to let her go.
“Kogami…” he said ever so gently, his voice breaking. “Forgive me…”
Es felt her chest tighten. Why was he saying such a thing?
“You don’t need to say that. I should be the one thanking you,” she said, hugging him even tighter, almost desperately, as she felt him disappear from her grasp. “Thank you, Himori-kun. Thank you… Thank you so much…”
For coming into my life. For being my friend.
For protecting me.
Just as the flames of torches disperse into mere embers the longer they burn, he began to fade away until he was no more.
Still, in spite of that, and in spite of the fact that she was now all alone in this place that once contained six people who knew each other from long ago…
Es no longer felt afraid. The trials she would face from now on would be hers to face, just as everyone before her did with their own.