Chapter Text
Batman
To: Ghost-maker, Harley Quinn
Hello.
As new members of the Batfamily, the two of you are required to fill out some necessary paperwork. The most crucial of this paperwork concerns response to mind-altering abilities and weapons, such as Scarecrow’s fear toxin, Mad Hatter’s hypnosis, and Poison Ivy’s sex pollen.
You are required to list which allies you would like to provide backup, should you be affected by such an ability or weapon. Please choose allies who you are comfortable with and who can contain and mitigate your own abilities, should the situation cause you to be a danger to yourself or to others.
Your list can include Batfamily members that are not my children or Justice League members. Members of your list will only be solidified upon consent.
Since this list will include allies who will be contacted should you come in contact with Poison Ivy’s sex pollen, please remember that the only way to diminish the effects of the pollen is to reach sexual climax. Choose your list accordingly.
Let’s all be adults about this.
Batman
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
you know that i’m immune to scarecrow’s fear toxin so you’re just asking me who i want to bang???
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
No. This form should include allies who can contain and respond to your condition, regardless of the situation. That includes mind-altering abilities that are not limited to Ivy’s.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
it’s so hard for you to email us about sex isn’t it. you’re adorable.
give me a sec
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Harley Quinn
To: Batman, Ghost-maker
eatbangkilllist.pdf
1. Poison Ivy
2. Pamela Isley
3. Ivy
What a fun project! Cheers Bman
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman, Harley Quinn
lol
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Batman
To: Harley Quinn, Ghost-maker
Harley,
Please respond to me individually. Replying to the thread sends your email to Ghost-maker as well. The paperwork the two of you will fill out in the upcoming days should be confidential.
—
Batman
To: Harley Quinn
Harley,
You can’t use Ivy for a single spot on your list, much less the entire list. She is not a part of the Batfamily and she is actually the main reason we have to create this list.
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Harley Quinn
To: Batman
This is homophobic
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
nopeeking.pdf
1. Batman
2. Batman
3. Batman
😘
—
Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Khoa. There are three options for a reason. Please put at least one other ally on your list in case I am unavailable.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
so harley can put ivy three times but i can’t put you three times 🤨
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
I told her to change it.
You shouldn’t have looked. These forms are private and confidential.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
sure you did
it’s bc i’m sexy isn’t it…you feel threatened…i understand tbh
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Sigh.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
that is neither confirmation nor denial. i will take it as confirmation that you think i’m sexy
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Fix your form.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
do you consent to being on my list though…
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Yes. Now update it.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
siryessir.pdf
1. Batman
2. Harley Quinn
3. Batman
is this adequate?
—
Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Yes. Thank you.
—
Ghost-maker
To: Batman
ok now show me yours <3
—
Batman
To: Ghost-maker
No.
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
WHAT
rude!
at least tell me where i am on the list
if i’m below superman i’m going to kill myself
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
That is overdramatic.
—
Ghost-maker
To: Batman
no it’s not
oh god i’m below superman aren’t i
bruce if you find me squashed on the street know that it’s your fault
—
Batman
To: Ghost-maker
fine.pdf
1. Ghost-maker
2. Superman
3. Catwoman
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Ghost-maker
To: Batman
“private and confidential” huh
hehe. thank you
i consent btw <3
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Batman
To: Ghost-maker
Hn.
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Harley Quinn
To: Batman
fineeee.pdf
1. Wonder Woman
2. Catwoman
3. Ghost-maker
—
Batman
To: Harley Quinn
Thank you, Harley.
—
Harley Quinn
To: Batman
No problemo Bman