Chapter Text
"There's a dead person on my floor," Seika said into her phone as she looked down at the body.
"S-Senpai... tell them to bring more sake...."
"Never mind, whoever left her here didn't finish the job. I'll take care of it." Seika shoved her phone back in her pocket, ending her charade, then squatted down to check on Kikuri. She reeked of liquor—as per usual—though Seika hadn't seen her this drunk since university. "Why are you here?"
"Bocchi-chan… isn't here, huh?"
"She went home hours ago." Kikuri hummed, with her face still planted into the floor. "Well, she'll be around tomorrow if you're gonna pass out here." After remembering the alcohol she had behind the counter, Seika changed her mind. "Actually, get up already."
"Let's go out, Senpai. The night's still young, after all!" Kikuri rolled over and grinned widely at Seika. Instead of answering, Seika just extended her hand towards Kikuri, who grabbed on. She was quite light, considering how much alcohol she consumed on a daily basis, and Seika lifted her up with ease. Kikuri immediately latched onto Seika. "Bars, here we come!"
After a long sigh, Seika led Kikuri out of STARRY.
* * *
Kikuri had just finished a rambling, nonsensical song about drinking sake out of her bass—which was conspicuously missing from her person—when the two of them arrived at their destination. She leaned forward, still holding onto Seika, and reached for the handle to the door, excited to see the liquor that awaited her. Unfortunately, the door didn't budge.
"This one's closed, Senpai."
"Let go of me so I can open it." Kikuri released Seika and leaned against the wall of the building. She had, to her displeasure, sobered up a bit during the walk. How she ended up in this situation, she didn't quite know, but it was alright. Soon she would have more alcohol in her body, would be a little less aware of herself and Seika and everything else going on in her head, and would pass out unknowingly, ready to drink the night away again the next day.
"I'll have a bottle of sake!" Kikuri yelled as she stumbled through the now open door. To her surprise, she was met with complete darkness. "Eh?"
Seika flipped on the lights, revealing the meager home she shared with Nijika. Kikuri looked back and forth at Seika and the kitchen. She stumbled towards the fridge as Seika sighed. There was no sake to be found.
"Senpai? You took me home to take advantage of me at my weakest?"
"Don't even joke about things like that," Seika said as she lightly smacked Kikuri on the top of her head. "You need food and water."
"Sake is part water."
"And you're one-hundred percent idiot." Seika passed her a glass. Kikuri pretended to take a sip as Seika turned to her pantry and pulled out some leftovers. Kikuri's eyes widened as she saw meat and rice go into a bowl and into the microwave. Her stomach rumbled at the thought of finally having food after hours of drinking. Seika handed her the bowl, now warm and absolutely appetizing. Kikuri dug in as soon as she was handed some chopsticks.
"This is sooooooooooooo good. What did you put in this?"
"Ask Nijika."
"Nijika-chan!" Kikuri called out.
"She's at Ryo's tonight. You can ask her in the morning." It was only after a few more bites when Seika's words sunk in.
"You're... letting me stay?" Kikuri sniffled and wiped away fake tears. "I love you, Senpai!"
"Shut up and eat already." Seika looked off into the distance. Kikuri didn't see the red that tinted Seika's cheeks, instead focusing on shoveling more food into her mouth. After her hunger was satiated, Kikuri sighed and looked towards the ceiling. She was really in Seika's home. Despite them knowing each other for a while, she'd never ended up here. Maybe she never would have without getting super drunk and ending up at STARRY. She silently thanked her drunken self for another success.
Kikuri didn't know what she'd do without alcohol.
"I'm gonna go set up the bath. Let me know when you're done." Kikuri gave Seika a look, and Seika glared back. "I'm not letting you sleep here unless you clean up."
"Fiiiiiine." Kikuri watched as Seika turned the corner and headed to the bathroom, then reached into her emergency stash of sake. She usually kept little juice boxes of alcohol in an undisclosed location. A lady can't reveal too many of her secrets, after all.
As the familiar warmth of alcohol flooded her body, she became much more relaxed than she was earlier. After finishing the box and throwing it away, Kikuri headed in the direction Seika went. She found Seika in her room on her computer.
"It's right there," Seika said as she pointed across the hallway. Kikuri turned around, looked at the empty bathroom, then turned back to Seika. "What?"
"Let's go in together, Senpai~"
"H-Hell no!" Kikuri booed at Seika's refusal.
"What am I gonna wear anyway?" Kikuri asked.
"You can borrow some of my stuff." Seika rummaged through her drawers and pulled out a T-shirt, shorts, and underwear. She handed them to Kikuri, who unfolded the shirt and held it to her chest. It was a little large on her, with its hem reaching her thighs.
"I'm closer to Nijika's size, though...." Seika made an "X" with her arms.
"I have the feeling you'll still smell like sake after you get out, so no." Instead of responding again to Kikuri's further complaints, Seika simply pointed at the bathroom without another word.
Kikuri went to the bathroom after hearing another rejection to her offer to bathe together. She untied her hair and washed herself off before getting into the bath. It was nice and warm and very relaxing, almost like how alcohol made her feel.
Speaking of which… sake would make the bath even more relaxing. Kikuri pulled out another box. It was the last one she had. She’d get more in the morning.
"Hey, you're not drowning in there, right?" Seika asked from behind the door after Kikuri had been in there a while. When Kikuri didn’t answer immediately, Seika said, “I’m coming in.”
“Ah! Senpai, come and join me,” Kikuri said in between sucking the box of sake dry.
“… Seriously?" Kikuri didn't answer, simply grinning at Seika as she looked at the sake. Seika inspected Kikuri's pile of clothes, making sure there was no more sake hiding anywhere. "You're done for the night."
"Unless you have some more for me in the fridge~"
“You already checked that earlier. Why would there be sake in there now?”
“Because… you went to the store and got some?”
"The only thing I have for you is the futon on my floor." Seika put her hands on her hips as Kikuri grumbled. "Hurry up already. Brush your teeth, too. I left stuff for you on the sink."
"Fiiiiiiiiine."
Kikuri dried off and got dressed after Seika left the bathroom. She stumbled out into the hallway and headed to Seika's room. It was already dark inside. Kikuri called out, "Senpai, I'm here."
"Look down." Kikuri saw Seika lying underneath a blanket on one of the two futons placed next to each other in the small room.
"Eh? Bedtime already?" Seika nodded, then looked down at the empty futon, signaling Kikuri to lie down. "It's so early! Can't you play some guitar for me or something?"
"Sure. In the morning." Kikuri groaned, but got on the futon anyway. "Unlike you, I sleep at a reasonable time."
"But I remember Nijika-chan saying something about you not waking up early."
"... Maybe I've slept in a couple times. Anyway, don't get too close with my sister. I don't want your alcoholism rubbing off on her."
"Wow, you're such a good older sister, Senpai."
"Flattery will get you nowhere." Despite saying that, Seika smiled. Kikuri grinned back at her, and Seika corrected her expression in a flash. "Did you even brush? I can still smell sake."
"I did! But if you drink enough, the alcohol will seep out of your pores."
"Is that true?"
"No clue. I think a bartender told me that." Seika looked at Kikuri with disapproval. "What? If you're telling me to take another bath, then you'll have to get in with me."
"No…. Do you really need to drink so much?."
"Hmm? Well, I have to." By the look on Seika's face, Kikuri could tell she didn't understand. "I mean, it's fun!"
"Just because it's fun doesn't mean you have to."
"Well…." Kikuri gave more excuses, including how she felt much more confident when it came to performing in front of crowds when she had some liquor in her. "Of course, sometimes I play worse, but at least I can play!"
"Mmm… if you say so." Seika shook her head but didn't have more to say about that.
After Hitori came to mind, Kikuri said, "I wonder how Bocchi-chan would play drunk."
"Oi."
"When she's an adult.”
"I think... she wouldn't need to by then. Hopefully." Seika's gaze became flat, her red eyes staring at something Kikuri couldn't identify.
"What do you think of her, Senpai?" Kikuri asked, bringing Seika back to the present.
"Hmm..."
To Seika, Bocchi was a reminder of what could have been. Bocchi was a great guitar player when she was in the zone, but she wasn't so amazing that Seika couldn't have compared. Of course, that was all assuming she never quit her band in the first place.
Thinking of STARRY, Kessoku Band, and Nijika, Seika could never imagine a future where she was still performing. A part of her may have missed being on a stage… but she was sure that STARRY was her calling.
It had to be.
"Bocchi is really good. She has a future in music, for sure. And I hope she and Kessoku Band become very successful," Seika said after some thought.
"Mmm... but she's not that much better than you were, right?" Seika's eyes widened at Kikuri's question.
"... Well, that's all in the past." Seika focused back on Kikuri. "Why do you remember my playing, anyway? Maybe you're hallucinating from drinking too much."
"I'd never forget hearing you onstage, Senpai."
"W-What's with that?"
"Well..."
When Kikuri first watched Seika playing on stage, she was amazed at how cool Seika seemed up there. Seika played with confidence and owned the stage. She had tons of fans, Kikuri included.
To Kikuri, someone who couldn't look up from her bass even during the practice for her first live show, Seika was incredible. Kikuri used to wish she could have even an ounce of the confidence Seika exuded.
She ended up finding that confidence in a bottle.
"... I was a fan of yours, too, Senpai." Seika whispered a thank you. "Honestly... I was kinda sad when you quit."
"Really?" Kikuri nodded. Seika buried her face in her blanket. After getting over the embarrassment, Seika said, "Well, I had to."
"For STARRY." Seika nodded.
That's what she told others anyway. The real reason she quit was for Nijika's sake. Her family situation came to mind. Seika could never imagine leaving Nijika behind to tour around Japan.
Though, considering Nijika's current path, maybe she'd be the one leaving Seika one day. Seika said to herself she could handle that. But, that was a long way away. She'd cross that bridge when she got there.
It was comforting to think that Nijika would always have a place to return to. She could come back to STARRY and remember her start there. Seika smiled, imagining that possibility.
"When's Kessoku Band's next performance anyway?" Kikuri asked.
"Next month."
"Can you remind me?"
"Sure, sure. I'll tell Bocchi that you need a ticket." Kikuri imitated Hitori selling a ticket, and Seika chuckled. "You're pretty good at that."
"Well, I used to be like Bocchi, remember?"
Seika did remember when Kikuri was a loner, though she was never as bad as Hitori was. She was a wallflower, for sure, but she didn't spaz out every single time she was talked to.
However, Hitori was improving in that regard. Seika supposed Kikuri did the same, in her own ways.
Thinking of that, Seika frowned.
"You're not like that anymore, huh?"
"With the power of sake!"
"... What about without that?"
Kikuri paused there. She thought about it for a while. Maybe it was because they'd been talking for a little, or because they were so close to each other, or because the alcohol had relaxed her enough to speak candidly, but Kikuri wanted to tell Seika a little more than she'd usually say.
Kikuri scooted closer and whispered, "I don't think I'd be myself without alcohol."
After she started drinking, Kikuri had gained so much confidence both on and off stage. She met her current band because of how she played while drunk. Now she was social and willing to meet new people. Hell, it was because of alcohol that she met Hitori.
Sure, drinking had its downsides. She'd often do things she ended up regretting. She wouldn't remember all the things she told others when she woke up. She couldn't function without a little bit of liquor in her at all times.
The one thing that stuck out in Kikuri's mind was that she never knew when to stop. She'd feel all good and warm inside and ask for another drink. Then another. Another. She often didn't remember asking for more or pulling sake boxes out of her pockets, but she could tell she did the morning after. It was impossible for all the liquor in the world to satisfy her before she hit the floor.
That was probably how she ended up on the floor of STARRY that night.
But... maybe all those things were worth it to feel free from all the things that tied her down.
Kikuri couldn’t deal with a lot of things without liquor. Performing, dealing with others, sitting with thoughts and emotions that swirled around and around without any signs of stopping.
Regrets of her past and feelings of self-doubt were the biggest culprits.
She tried explaining parts of her reasoning to Seika, though her sentences didn't come out as well as she had formulated in her head.
After hearing Kikuri's explanation, Seika whispered back, "I think you could do all those things without the liquor. Just look at Bocchi and how much she's improved." Kikuri couldn't argue with that. Seika might be right, but Kikuri didn't see herself giving booze up. She chose to ignore it.
"What? Don'tcha like me better like this, Senpai?" Kikuri closed the distance between them and latched onto Seika, expecting Seika to push her away.
Instead, even though she complained at first, Seika draped her arm over Kikuri.
"Senpai?"
"Just go to sleep." Instead of arguing, Kikuri sank into the embrace. She closed her eyes and smiled.
"Mmm... you're warm." Kikuri drifted off quickly, and Seika could soon hear her quiet snoring.
Kikuri’s body was thin and frail. Her long deep pink hair, untied for the first time in a long time—at least that Seika remembered—drooped over her face as she slept. Seika looked at her for a while, then sighed and sunk deeper into the futon.
Seika did care, even if she didn’t show it, about Kikuri. She never could find the words, nor did she have the confidence to directly say that she cared, even when it came to her own sister.
Maybe she couldn't convince Kikuri to give up alcohol, and maybe she couldn't solve all of Kikuri's problems if she was given hours to craft the perfect answers.
But... this was the least she could do, right?
Without thinking about it too much more, Seika closed her eyes too.
"Sober up already," Seika whispered before she fell asleep.
* * *
Kikuri was sober. Dreadfully, painfully sober.
She could tell the second all the butterflies in her stomach swirled throughout her body. God, why did she say all those things last night?
And Seika was so close now. Even closer than Kikuri remembered from last night, though she only remembered the last bits clearly. Seika must have pulled her closer into a hug while they were sleeping. Kikuri couldn’t find a place for her gaze to stay without causing her embarrassment to grow.
Kikuri remembered how beautiful Seika was as her eyes scanned all over Seika’s face, stopping for way too long on her lips.
But it wasn’t just embarrassment that came to mind.
After she had enough time to think about last night, Kikuri felt grateful that Seika was there for her. Seika didn’t need to invite her home, or feed her, or give her a place to sleep. She could have kicked Kikuri out. She would have found another bar anyway.
Kikuri knew, even if Seika acted as aloof as she usually did, that she cared. She admired that part of Seika… among other things.
However, being this close to the senpai she’d admired so much back in university was overwhelming.
Kikuri felt all warm inside and it wasn’t because of alcohol but maybe this feeling would disappear, leaving her wanting for it again. She didn’t want to give Seika the wrong idea. Getting too attached… would be a problem.
When she was drunk, it was a different story. Seika would just brush her off like normal. But if Kikuri was sober, she had no excuse. Then what?
All the embarrassment, happiness, admiration, and fear, feelings she’d normally dull with liters of liquor, honestly scared Kikuri.
She reached for where her stash would be if she was wearing her jacket. There was no sake there. Kikuri took one last look at Seika before slowly getting out from under her embrace.
“Mmm… don’t go,” Seika mumbled as Kikuri stood up. After looking back, Kikuri decided that Seika was too sleepy to mean that. She looked around the room, grabbed a stuffed animal, and placed it in Seika’s arms. Seika latched onto it immediately.
Kikuri threw her jacket on over Seika’s shirt. She tiptoed out of Seika’s room without looking back.
She needed booze.
The smell of food hit her nose as she stepped out into the hallway. Kikuri steeled herself before walking towards the entrance. She looked over as she passed the kitchen and saw Nijika at the stove. She seemed focused on cooking.
Then, as if she could sense Kikuri’s gaze, Nijika turned and saw her.
They stared at each other for a while. Nijika’s gaze drifted from Kikuri’s face to her clothes.
“O-Oh! I… uh… didn’t know Onee-chan had a guest.” Nijika glanced at her cooking before turning back to Kikuri. “Umm… I’ll have food ready in a bit. She’ll be up soon… probably.”
Kikuri didn’t know what Nijika was thinking. It really didn’t matter.
“G-Good morning, Nijika-chan. Um… well… where’s the nearest convenience store?” Kikuri asked. Nijika pointed, saying it was just down the block. “Thanks! And… um… tell Senpai I said thanks as well.”
“Eh? You can tell her that when she wakes up.” Kikuri shook her head at that suggestion. “Well… what about at STARRY? We’re performing next month!”
She nodded, and before leaving she said, “I’ll see you then, Nijika-chan.” Kikuri quickly left the house and headed to the convenience store to get what she needed.
Kikuri figured that she’d either remember the night before forever, or that she’d bury those memories under bottles of liquor. She’d surely see Seika soon. Maybe Kikuri would remember to thank her.
She looked down at Seika's shirt and thought about everything that happened. She smiled and frowned and shook off the embarrassment over and over again before arriving at the store.
Soon enough, those feelings were no longer on her mind.
* * *
Kikuri was softer, and smaller, and rounder than Seika remembered when she woke up.
“Good morning,” Seika yawned out before opening her eyes. A small stuffed lion stared back at her. Seika looked around her room. No trace of Kikuri, not even her clothes, was to be found.
Seika got up in a hurry and headed to the dining room. Nijika had just finished plating their breakfast.
“Good morning, Onee-chan.” Seika didn’t answer her and kept looking around for Kikuri. “Ah, if you’re looking for that lady….”
“Where did she go?”
“She wanted to know where the convenience store was.” Seika thought she might be able to catch her if she ran. She headed to the door. “That was half an hour ago, Onee-chan.” After hearing that, Seika let out a long sigh.
Kikuri would be drunk by the time Seika reached her. She couldn’t do any more for now. She sat down at the table and looked at the meal Nijika made.
“Let’s eat, Nijika.” The two of them started eating, though Seika noticed Nijika’s gaze from time to time. “What?”
“Well… should we celebrate?” Seika tilted her head in questioning. “Well, it’s been a while since you’ve brought someone home, and… y’know… it’ll be kinda weird… but I can get used to it if she makes you happy!”
“… You seriously have the wrong idea,” Seika said.
“O-Oh! It was one of those… one-night stands! How rock of you.”
“Nothing happened. She just needed a place to stay. You know how she is.” Nijika thought for a little, but seemed satisfied with Seika’s assertion. “Can we get back to eating?” Nijika nodded.
After finishing, Seika whipped out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts and messaged “Drunk Idiot.”
“Don’t go too crazy, idiot,” Seika typed.
Kikuri responded with an emoji of a bottle of liquor saluting.
“Why is that even a thing?” Seika asked out loud. She typed another message.
“If you ever need a place to stay, you know where to find me.”
Seika looked at that message for a while before deleting it. She quickly typed another one and sent it.
“Something did happen.” Seika looked up from her phone and raised an eyebrow at Nijika. “You never smile like that!”
“… You must want me to raise your quota.” Seika locked her phone and shoved it into her pocket.
“No! If you do, Bocchi-chan might actually turn to ash!” Nijika started talking about how much Hitori had improved recently when it came to talking to people, but she wasn’t sure that Hitori could handle even more pressure to meet new people.
Seika listened to Nijika’s miniature rant, but her thoughts drifted to Kikuri. Seika still believed in what she said the night before. She looked forward to the day Kikuri could handle being sober, hoping that it’d come sooner than later.
* * *
As she sat on some street corner, Kikuri took a sip of sake. Her phone buzzed, showing another message from Seika. After reading it, she took a few more gulps. She was nowhere near drunk enough to reply.
“See you at STARRY.”