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Shinichi knows a lot of things.
Knows how to do a lot of things.
Those two facts are usually cause for many raised eyebrows and gaping mouths.
Because while it may be normal, jaw-dropping but still normal, for a teenager to know how to professionally skate, ride a bike, swim, play soccer, play the violin, play tennis, skii, and dive, it isn't at all normal for the same teenager to know how to hit bullseye with a gun he never held before, pilot a giant plane by instruction alone through the hands of his inexperienced friend, actually pilot a helicopter with a blind pilot turned co-pilot while trying to compensate for being vertically challenged, drive a speedboat in a narrow area, drive a car to leap between skyscrapers , disarm different bombs as if he was a veteran bomb disposal squad member, use a paraglider to chase a gliding thief across the city, at night, with skyscrapers left and right, and have aim so perfect with makeshift projectiles he managed to bring down a military grade chopper with only a broken mirror and a makeshift slingshot made of super elastic suspenders.
So yes. Yuusaku thinks, as he reflects on that trip they had to Hawaii, he forgot to give his son a crash course in cooking.
Hopefully their son was equipped enough to face the challenges of daily life despite their oversight.
__________
While glaring at the pot in front of him won't save his kitchen wall from scorch marks, he likes to think he's at least making it feel ashamed of itself. Because if he didn't blame the pot on what's happening right now, he won't be able to live down the shame of successfully messing up so bad at something that he made a scientific impossibility an actuality.
The question remains though, how did he manage to burn water?!
At least this was one thing he had to go through without an audience.
None of his friends would've let him live it down.
..But it might've been the least absurd of the situations he later got himself into..
°•○•°
It started with Hattori and one of his infamous Osaka tours.
It also started with a car, messed up brakes and a jammed accelerator.
Being back in his body surely helped, but Hattori seems to be in dire need of a therapy session (or three)
Surely making the car run out of gas was an option, but with constant speed and heavy traffic, Heiji begged to differ.
His begging fell on deaf ears.
"I'm not ridin' with ya as da driver ever again" vowed Heiji with desperation.
Shinichi scoffed.
He barely restrained himself from muttering 'you should've seen Amuro-san drive first' because even after everything was said and done, Amuro's secret agent identity was still a secret entrusted to him. And what would Amuro, an innocent café worker, have to do with driving over monorails and against traffic to fulfill secret police missions? Nothing. Supposedly.
The car was towed away while Heiji got a shock blanket by the paramedics.
(Shinichi adamantly ignored the property damage he caused along the highway. When choosing between light poles or a family van, the choice wasn't even worth thinking through)
Of course, his mother wasn't happy he damaged the light poles at all. After she taught him how to drive a car on its side with two wheels (in barely 10 minutes) no less!
Shinichi's life is hard.
°•○•°
It didn't stop there. Of course it didn't.
The next instance was during a school trip to a small island.
The captain got drugged and the culprit had a personal vendetta against the class's current supervisor. With his death (and the innocent students') included in his revenge plan, he sped the speedboat towards one of the boulders surrounding the island to crash into.
Thankfully, the teen detective noticed their sudden course shift before it became too late.
While his father only taught him how to operate smaller boats, he managed to slow the engines and steer the rudders away from the rock formation ahead just in time.
The boat's body got punctured despite his efforts and they barely managed to reach the shore before it completely got filled with water.
"..I won't ask how you knew how to steer this thing" was Sonoko's gobsmacked greeting once he got out of the control room.
"Then I won't answer" was his cheeky reply.
He got a thwap on the head for his trouble.
°•○•°
KID, the international criminal, was known for a skillset not lacking in its variety. But he started to question his arsenal more and more these days. The reason? A detective with an absurd amount of unrelated skills that should, by no means, be simply acquired at his age. Sometimes at any age, even. Especially when you were supposed to be a mere consultant detective and not a top spy or some secret super soldier (the latter is getting more and more likely, with how these meetings are turning out to be, but Kaito refuses to go down that rabbit hole. Yet.)
Kaito hovered over the detective crouching in front of what is turning out to be one quite impressive explosive. It's even equipped with a computer chip that's locked with some passcode their culprit (unfortunately) cannot provide. (given that KID had given him a face full of sleeping gas the moment he rounded the corner). The detective was in the process of decoding it using some odd little device while Kaito tried to rein in his anxiety.
The mercury lever is the only part Kaito was able to recognise from the mess of wires hidden under the bomb's case (despite his regular handling of small explosives), and even that recognition was due to the fact he had to familiarize himself with things and devices that meant movement= bad. Comes with the job. Otherwise, or in situations Kaito would label as 'don't think about this if you want to stay sane', Kaito would usually turn tail and run. It normally worked, too.
In the current situation, however, he fears that even his breathing might set the thing off. Irrational, he knows. But so is holding a whole museum hostage in some twisted attempt at catching him. This guy was nuts.
Doesn't make each click of the scissors or the press of little buttons in Meitantei's hand any less nerve-wracking.
If Kaito had lost any more of his nerves by the end of the last wire cut, he might've fainted on the spot.
As it is, he gave a hasty 'Great job diffusing it' alongside a shoulder pat to the Great Detective With A Side Hobby Of Bomb Defusal and booked it.
He even forgot the lilly he wanted to give the man with the card and little gift in his haste to just leave and forget this ever happened. The guy helped him catch Snake but the thank yous can wait. His fried brain cells cannot.
The detective's face at the thief's weird escape was merely confused.
°•○•°
Heiji is going to add planes to his currently growing list of things 'not to approach with Kudo in a ten-mile radius'
The list started with 'suicidal murderers while not wearing kevlar', because getting shot hurt like hell. It continued to grow with each meeting, and even included 'Sherlock Holmes fanatics', 'spontaneous cases that came to Kogoro while Kudo is there' and anything claiming 'Kudo Shinichi is wrong'. The latter even proved time and time again how messed up everything turns out when he ignores his own warning.
Case in point, the current real life imitation of an action movie. Only without the safety equipment. or even a respectable plot.
Heiji stared at the blinking runaway with detached curiosity. Part of him wondered if dying via private plane crash hurt as much as getting shot. While the other part marveled at how his fellow detective managed to glide a plane with one engine barely there and the other fully out of commission.
An event which is in no way not the fault of the Suzukis' (former, because he'll make sure this guy is fired with an exclusive ticket to a very nice prison cell once they get out of this mess) pilot. Said pilot pointed an accusatory little finger towards Kudo, saying something about how he made his sister rot in jail for a crime she didn't commit. An accusation Kudo took with nary a blink. Heiji, depressingly, didn't doubt it wasn't the first time.
Once the pilot was done with his evil monologue on how he rigged the plane and how they'll all die bla bla bla, he jumped out with the only parachute on board (as the others met the earth's atmosphere while they were blissfully unaware of the evil plot brewing not ten feet away)
Shinichi then took control of the lost cause of an aircraft and the rest was history.
Thus, Shinichi's plans to make it up for his and Heiji's last meeting was rendered effectively null. Or negative.
Heiji could no longer make up his mind.
°•○•°
Haibara and 'unimpressed' were usually synonymous in his mind. Which made her current shocked/ impressed expression quite the surreal experience.
He didn't think it was anything noteworthy, how he was the one who brought down Gin's chopper singlehandedly after the whole Irish fiasco.
Her expression after he told her as much says that he's either insane or impossible.
Since she questions his sanity often he is leaning towards the former. But really, was it that weird that he managed to solve that problem? He thought she'd at least have more faith in him..
Haibara's actual thoughts on his skewed perspective couldn't be further from what he thought.
"You are an idiot" was her unheard whisper
°•○•°
"..I know your knowledge pool is something to be envied, but seriously, Kudo-kun?" Was Sato's awed question at seeing the young detective point towards a very unsuspecting leaf that looks like something fairly common and could be mistaken for a number of others, while explaining how this 'suicide plant', originating from Australia, must have been used in the murder.
It didn't take much to identify the recently returned-from-Australia herbalist among the victim's acquaintances. Finding the source plant and matching it with the leaf provided a lot of proof for the accusation and it wasn't long after that he was arrested.
"..I second the sentiment, Sato-san" was Takagi's reply.
°•○•°
"..Do I want to know why there are two Suzuki Sunokos?" Muttered Heiji, with no lack of utter despair, at the start of their little impromptu meeting of Kudo Shinichi's friends.
While the "No" said in unison was not unexpected, it dashed the last hope in Heiji for this to be a normal meeting all the same.
Some part of him felt pity towards the Heisei Holmes, considering the number of attendees could be counted on a single hand (including the mysterious doppelganger). The other part of him just found it somehow fitting with the amount of mess the young detective gets himself into. Figures he'd have a nonexistent social life.
Which brought them to the current predicament.
A white board someone brought from somewhere (and Heiji would leave that a mystery because his sanity is suffering enough as is) had a single sentence written on it so far.
'What Can Kudo Shinichi Do'
They gave up on including the 'cannot's because most of them came oddly blank on the subject. Making it a bit more creepy. Heiji's reasoning for this entire meeting is purely scientific curiosity. As in, how much can one person do before they are considered inhuman?. To Haibara's immense amusement.
They decided to write their findings on a piece of paper. Which soon turned into two.. then three… then they gave up on writing because whenever someone remembers something, it ends up as a short story with the referenced incident included by citation.
Highschool essay assignments did a number on them. They collectively groaned upon reading the first paper out loud.
Then Ran decided that everyone should just say what odd or extraordinary thing they saw him do.
The (maybe) Sonoko went first, with the bombshell of "I saw him diffuse a bomb in the museum we went to last week"
The (could be) Sonoko bobbed her head and said, seriously, "Yes yes! It was when that lunatic tried to catch KID-san while holding us all hostage!"
Ran gasped "why didn't I hear about this?! That idiot risked his life again, didn't he?!" She demanded of (maybe) her friend. Said friend shrugged and said her uncle managed to keep the matter hush-hush.
Which explained the lack of a news frenzy over the matter, but did not do Heiji's growing headache any favors. He locked eyes with the other Sonoko just then and knew that one had to be KID. That KID ear-to-ear grin was so creepy on the girl's face. How he made Sonoko agree wasn't even difficult to guess. She'd sell her soul to him if he just wrote her a card with her name on it. Or even if he gave her a flower. Or anything along those lines, really..
The second to go was Ran (after calming down and seizing to shake her friend to death) she said, much to everyone's lack of surprise (it gets tiring after the first dozen times, and the written stories certainly desensitized them to a degree) that Shinichi had rescued a litter of trapped puppies on their way to school from a collapsing building under demolition. The parkouring and amount of contortionism he displayed left her open-mouthed all the way back to Teitan.
A fly actually entered her mouth too but she wouldn't tell them that. It was pretty gross. And Shinichi laughed enough for five at her predicament. The absolute jerk.
Haibara came next and all they could do was just stare.
Because, really?
A military grade chopper?! Alone?! With WHAT?!
Heiji's head decided to be acquainted with the wooden texture of Mouri's coffee table.
Since his detective friend is doing such a great job of giving him high blood pressure, the wooden grooves (and little black things) in (and under) the table are appearing to be the much more logical option to befriend with every passing minute.
°•○•°
Now that they got the what, the next step is to figure out the how.
Maybe.
When Heiji's mental health returns to its solid state.. as opposed to the liquid matter his brain decided was the better option to stay as. His friends were starting to get concerned..
Talking to the wooden table must be some sign of stress or something.
The bug Amuro planted under said table would disagree.
But that's a story for another time ;)