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“-and this is Arthur, but I think you all know who he is already. You’ll have the great honor of having the head of Kingsman himself oversee your training with me.” Titters break out among the ranks of young people in front of him and Merlin glares. “Hush. Arthur, would you like to say a word?”
“Yes, thank you.” Harry perused first Merlin’s clipboard, then the recruits standing at attention before speaking with all the authority his position gives him. “I believe you all have a certain potential that might lead you to become a kingsman.” A buff brunet snorted, side-eyeing the young woman beside him. Harry sent a pointed look to the cocky boy. “However, to be a kingsman, you must first become a gentleman... or a lady.”
Harry inclined his head towards the girl who’d been mocked and she answered it with a grateful nod.
“For that to happen, you must be willing to learn manners, and perhaps unlearn detrimental values and behaviors. Be assured that I would not hesitate to disqualify you if I believed that your poor attitude in class, even in contradiction to your physical prowess in training, might put at risk the success of your eventual future missions.” He looked firmly at each of the recruits. “When you fight for your country, you don’t find for a specific person or social class, you fight for everyone. Any slight you have, that might have been put into your head by your upbringing, will have to be left at the gate of the manor. Indefinitely. You are here to be the elite, do not waste our time with petty judgement.”
The room was completely silent, Harry’s words ringing in each of the recruits’ head, their faces showing determination, eagerness even. The prestige and honor, the sheer idea of working for such an organisation was beyond words, better than even your wildest childhood dreams of becoming a spy. The man standing before them was the embodiment of who they would learn to become.
“Well let’s begin, shall-”
A startling grumble sounded and a young man in a rumpled suit shuffled in. He squinted at the harsh lights, his bed head looking truly ridiculous, hair going in every direction and a pillow mark on one cheek.
“Love, what are you doing here?” Harry took a step forward immediately, tone so soft the recruits could barely believe it was the same man from a few minutes ago. He started carding his fingers in the young man’s mess of hair. “Look at the state of you, my darling.”
The term of endearment fell naturally from Harry’s lips, the older man completely unperturbed by the audience they had.
“Guinevere, where are your glasses?” Merlin asked, frowning. (To be honest, he knew what the answer was already.)
“I dunno.”
(Heh, he called it.)
Merlin shook his head and typed quickly on his clipboard. A recruit squinted at the object. Was that a clipboard or a computer? A tablet? Magic? (No one knows.)
‘Guinevere’ faceplanted in Harry’s lapel and started rubbing his face against the fabric, like a drowsy kitten searching for the perfect place to sleep. Harry was smiling softly down at the gesture, still gently caressing the young man’s hair.
“Been looking for you, me. Woke up alone on the couch, wanted me some cuddles and instead I had to ask JB to track you down.”
Said puppy looked up at the sound of his name from where he was sprawled by the door. The recruits looked on, speechless.
“Did he, now?” Harry peppered kisses on the young man’s brow and hair, nuzzling the top of the brunet’s head on occasion.
“’F course not.” The young man looked at the dog and muttered. “Useless pug.” He looked up from under his lashes, eyelids obviously heavy still from sleep. “Rox told me you be there with Merl’.” He paused. “I think it was Rox, ‘t least.”
“Eggsy, why are your glasses in the same room as you but you’re telling me you don’t know where they are.” He clicked on his own glasses and his whole being started to exude complete ‘I-am-so-done-with-your-shit’ vibes. “Eggsy, please tell me you didn’t put your glasses on your pug.”
The young man made a triumphant noise and crouched (slid, whatever) down, patting his knee. He untied a blue bow from under the pug’s neck and put the glasses on. “You’re the guvnor, Merl’.”
Unimpressed didn’t even cover Merlin’s expression, but he didn’t say anything. He was just too used to this, he didn’t even have the strength to bitch Eggsy anymore.
Harry chuckled. “Well, I think it is time for me to take you home, sweetheart.”
Eggsy looked up and whined, arms up. “Carry meeeee.”
A whispered ‘what the fuck’ escaped someone in the room, but went mostly unheard. Thankfully.
“How could I deny such a lovely demand, my darling.”
The older man bent down and straightened back up with Eggsy lovely cradled in his arms in a bridal carry. He didn’t even look back at the people he was leaving behind, instead calling out a sharp goodbye and disappearing down the corridor, a tiny pug jogging after him. The warm lump in his arms hadn’t started snoring quite yet but was already fast asleep and he needed to get it home.
A minute later, all hell broke loose.
“What was-”
“I can’t believe-”
“Can you imagine-”
“They looked cute-”
Finally, the boy Harry had silently reprimanded loudly interrupted everyone before Merlin could.
“Are you really telling us this bloke was the deadliest kingsman you’ve ever had and now the head of the organisation? And who was the kid? Is he an agent too? He acted like he was four.” The boy scoffed. “Elite, my ass. This is a joke.”
He’d barely finished talking before a trap opened underneath the bed he’d claimed and the bed was lowered down, leaving a clean space behind.
Everyone gaped and Merlin hummed, arms behind his back as he had been for the past few minutes. He brought his clipboard back front and typed for a few seconds.
“I’ll have you know Arthur could kill you bare handed, with Guinevere in his arms and a couple of shot limbs.” He typed a little more. “That is your first strike. You’re allowed about two, typically. Three if one is minor. Be grateful you only lost bed privilege.”
He looked up.
“Ah yes, I forgot to tell you. We have a couple unofficial rules.” He raised his eyebrows. “First rule: don’t fuck with Guinevere.”