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Now that the second Long Game has concluded, Neku is finally free to do the things that he wants to. Joshua, semi-released from whatever rules he was bound to during the last three years, also goes and does the things that he wants to (within reason). One of those many things may have been catching up with Neku, which quickly transforms into going on dates with the other boy, and then somehow they’ve been dating for four years and are now cohabiting in Neku's apartment together. It’s very convenient – the condo is only a few blocks away from the art school Neku’s attending and Joshua can spy on him from 104’s rooftop at any time.
Life should be sweet at this point! And, it usually would be, but alas, the good times never really last. In between Joshua leaving without notice to attend to meetings in the Higher Plane for days at a time and Neku busy crunching for assignments for school, it hasn’t been easy for them to find time to be together. If anything, his schedule is somehow harder to endure than surviving the Game according to Neku, who complains about his classwork enough to make Joshua’s ears fall off.
“How has he never heard of CAT? We’re at an art school in Shibuya! I don’t care if he has to commute from Ikebukuro, he’s our professor! Of advanced studies in contemporary art!”
On a different day, Neku is seen crouched over his painting, chanting curses like a monk would chant his sutras (except with far more anger). “I can’t take this anymore,” he mutters under his breath. “I’m sick and tired of this. I can’t wait to graduate and show them how wrong they were. I’ll prove to them how little they know.”
Joshua does his best to help his boyfriend, he really does. He makes sure that Neku’s professor is stuck in traffic for hours at a time, that his shoelaces knot in the middle of his walks, that the books he reads are always stained with coffee and ink. But, Neku’s anger isn’t always so easily sated, and sometimes Joshua comes home at a bad time. Recently, Joshua finally returned from one of his “business trips” and found Neku near tears over a painting that was due in exactly two hours. He compliments his boyfriend with the best thing he could think of, telling him that it looked like a classier two-dimensional version of Sho’s avant-garde “upcycled materials” statue. Crunch!
And so begins their bi-weekly shouting match with Neku informing Joshua that “comparing my art to a that circus act of a man is not a compliment” and “you’ve been gone for nearly a week at this point, I was so worried about you, did you forget that you’re currently under house arrest because of the shit you did during the Game?”
As Neku is left panting after his rant, Joshua merely shrugs. Sorry, he didn’t see it coming either! Neku should be used to this by now, time just passes differently up there! Which, as soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes that he’s made a grave mistake, and Neku’s nearly tearing his hair out. Which then results in him stumbling and accidentally stepping in his painting, which tears a hole in the canvas, and the next thing Joshua knows, his boyfriend is officially dead from a heart attack caused by a rapid heart rate and elevated blood pressure.
Mr. H was the one to deliver the letter to Neku’s apartment where he found Josh sitting with two fingers on his temple as he tried to remember what he said that made Neku so pissed off that he literally died. He gingerly takes the letter from Mr. H’s hands.
Josh, it reads. I won’t make this letter long. You’re reading this because I’m a lingering spirit. I’m very angry at you right now. Until you’ve learned how to be less of a dick of a boyfriend, please leave me alone (this applies to my spirit AND my corpse). You have 7 days before I’m lost to the void. How does it feel to not play by your rules for once?
Mr. H stalls at the doorway rubbing the back of his neck and informs Joshua that he’s been holding onto this letter since the second Long Game ended. Josh looks at him, pinching the paper in his hand with a blank expression, and shuts the door in Mr. H’s face.
Seven days isn’t so bad, he thinks, eyeing Neku’s apartment. He could watch the new season of Tin Pin Slammer on the first day, go shopping for new clothes for Neku on the second, and then clean the apartment (clarification: wave a finger at the messy parts and use his Composer powers to magically make the place whistle clean) on the fourth before he finally brings Neku back. Neku always loved it when he cleaned his apartment – he complained that he doesn’t do it often enough for how easy it was for Joshua.
So, he goes ahead and does that, not bothering to check on Neku’s resting soul quite yet (he does move his corpse onto the bed though, fixing it into a comfortable position). He can calm down and float in the sensory deprivation tank called limbo for a few days as Joshua does his own thing in the RG. Everything will be fine! He can just go pick up Neku when he’s ready to come home. He’ll know when Neku’s soul is reaching out to him, conscious or not. Not that he’ll ever tell him.
With no Game happening at the moment and no one to play Tin Pin or argue with, Joshua finds himself wrapping up day four of being Neku-less. Joshua just sits on Neku’s couch and stares at the ceiling.
Similarly, day five passes in no time at all, too. Joshua feels antsy by this point – why was Neku holding out for so long? Joshua should be able to feel his soul at this point, but he feels no trace of Neku at all.
By day six, Joshua finally snaps. He sits down on Neku’s couch and closes his eyes, tuning everything around him out of his mind, focusing on the energy of Neku – gentle, harmonious, little bursts of sound here and there, bright and vivid, humming along to Shibuya’s usual song. Finally, he sees a floating ball of glowing white energy that gleams a little brighter than any other soul in the void.
Joshua feels a little guilty when he sees Neku’s soul already starting to wrinkle, too similar to an overripe fruit. Small shards of light were already breaking away into motes of static near the edges, giving the impression that this was the soul of a 90-year-old grandpa instead of a 22-year-old college kid.
He clears his throat. “Knock knock,” he says passive-aggressively. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything important. Like you sitting alone in the dark as you ferment in your feelings.”
Joshua can almost see Neku rolling his eyes as his soul flares softly in recognition. Josh, he says (directly into Joshua’s brain), did you read the letter I wrote you?
Joshua shrugs. “Sure. Classy move, holding yourself hostage. I mean, it worked, and I’m here to pick you up. Now say bye bye to the void. I’ll make you a cup of hot chocolate when we get back.”
In a single fluid motion, Joshua reaches out an arm to Neku, making a move to bring him back home. “I hope you had a good time sulking here, but it’s not good for you. Look, your soul is already breaking down –”
But before he can finish talking, Neku darts away from his hand. He lingers just a little bit out of Joshua’s reach, his soul almost reeking of pettiness. Joshua raises an eyebrow. Souls don’t usually move that fast, either. How did Neku learn how to do that?
Small white shards of soul flare in anger. No. Go away.
Tsk tsk. Neku’s stubbornness really is something else. Joshua huffs, feeling more annoyed than he’d like at this point, and makes another grab at Neku, who darts away again. And again. And again, until Joshua begins to feel like the cat in a cat-and-mouse chase. Fed up with the games, Joshua curls his fist and pouts.
“Neku,” he snaps out sharply, a bit louder than he intended. “Why are you being difficult?”
Neku glowers calmly back at him. He seems disappointed too, almost as if he expected this. Did you read my letter or not? I told you I’m staying put until you figure something out.
Sighing, Joshua feels his eyelid twitch. “You’re being stubborn for no reason. Can’t we talk about this more when you’re back home? In your body? The void doesn’t set the best mood for talking things out.”
Neku doesn’t move, which infuriates Joshua even more. “Is this little act you’re putting on worth your life? You’ll disappear , Neku, and it's not like I can put you back together with hot glue and duct tape.”
He watches Neku quiver weakly, almost like he’s holding back tears. Or rage. Or both. Joshua feels his heart soften at the pathetic sight. Before he could say anything, though, Neku beats him to it.
This conversation is over. Goodbye, Josh.
With that, Neku’s soul rapidly deteriorates, and Josh is kicked out of his mindscape with the image of his beloved’s soul cracking in the middle, threatening to break apart in two.
Joshua, deeply troubled, leans back on the couch empty handed. He didn’t think it’d go that badly. If anything, he didn’t expect failure at all – Neku has always come back to him. It’s in his nature! Neku hasn’t always forgiven him, but he understands why Joshua and him come to disagreements, and finds it in him to forgive Joshua. What’s wrong with him this time around? Doesn’t he know that once his soul scatters into the void, it’ll take years for Joshua to put him back together?
He doesn’t have any answers. So, being the good detective that he is, Joshua decides to do some investigating. Sighing, he pops into the group chat he has with all the other Joshuas in their respective universes and asks them if he can interview their Nekus, with their supervision and oversight of course. As soon as he gets a good amount of invitations, he makes his itinerary and forces himself to get off the couch.
He stops by WildKat before officially setting off. Joshua nicks a pin from Mr. H’s closet (why that man kept all the important stuff in the back of his coffee shop instead of putting them somewhere safe is something Joshua will never know) along with a map detailing all the ways to travel to and from universes outside of their own. Swinging a hand in front of him, Joshua tears open a portal and steps inside. He closes his eyes and waves a finger in the air before tapping it somewhere randomly on the paper. Opening one eye, he looks down, and nods decisively. Destination number one: Dimension #984736. He stretches his arms and legs well before he goes on his little trip – this might take a good, long while.
___
Joshua makes his way through the city of Dimension #984736, curiously observing the subtle differences of this parallel Shibuya compared to his. Pawson, 6-11, the infamous WcDonalds seen in every anime…Joshua ambles his way through the streets, taking his time before he reaches the apartment building he has his appointment at.
Joshua #984736 greets the door. He looks…very tired, with visible purple bags under his eyes. He also looks quite a bit older than Joshua expected.
“Hello,” other Joshua says dryly, “glad to see you didn’t get lost on your way over. Neku’s at the table. Just…don’t say anything upsetting when you see him. That’s all I’ll ask for if you want to conduct your precious interview.”
Joshua stifles his urge to snort at the other man. Yes, he may play a bit rough with his Neku, but no worries, he’s always delicate towards the ones that aren’t.
As Tired Joshua leads him to the table, Joshua sees another version of Neku (who looks to be around a handsome 32 years old) sitting stiffly against a chair. He’s alarmed to see dried tears caking his ruddy pink cheeks. Crumpled tissues laid scattered on the table and around the couch which immediately leaves Joshua with a bad feeling. Even worse than the tissues, however, Joshua spots a few papers spread out on the table as well, and he's barely able to sit across from Crying Neku before he sees –
Decree of Divorce between Mr. Yoshiya J. Kiryu and Mr. Neku Sakuraba
He feels his stomach drop. The papers are signed, his brain unhelpfully tells him. But nonetheless, he sits down at the table and pretends to be perfectly unaffected by the situation in front of him.
Tired Joshua and Crying Neku are quiet as they let Joshua take in his surroundings. They look exhausted, both of each other and of themselves. Luckily, Joshua isn’t the one who has to start the conversation as Crying Neku speaks first.
“So, what do we talk about? How this whole thing happened? I mean, we both know what you’re thinking so you don’t have to say it out loud. Just tell us what you need to know so we can get this over with.”
“Can I first ask who was the one who invited me over?” Joshua asks, twirling his hair, trying his best to not look at the papers in front of him. “I mean. You two look very…busy with other matters right now, so…”
“I did,” Crying Neku admits, blowing his nose into a tissue. “I looked through Joshua’s phone. I didn’t even know he had this whole group chat thing going on - just another secret he never told me, I guess - but I thought I could help you with your situation, so here we are now.”
Joshua nods. He looks over his list of interview questions. He wants to ask where it all went wrong, but decides to start slow. He asks the safest thing he could think of.
“Tell me about yourselves,” he starts with, preparing himself for the worst.
Turns out, this version of him and Neku are very different from what Joshua had imagined. Tired Joshua has been retired from Composerdom for nearly a decade and currently teaches Japanese history at a private high school. Crying Neku is a primary school teacher who specializes in art therapy for troubled kids and has a freelance graphic design gig on the side. They have no children together, only a couple of shared assets, and a Tin Pin collection that will be split 50/50 between each party in court.
“Honestly, it wasn't so hard at first. We were just happy to be together, really – then Neku proposed to me, and I started thinking about quitting the whole Composer thing.” Tired Josh huffs at the memory. “It just got in the way so much, and being dead while your partner was alive wasn’t exactly ideal. I also thought we would spend more time together this way, so…I asked Sanae to bring me back to life while I found a suitable successor.”
Tired Joshua taps his finger against the table. “Of course, it wasn’t easy with the politics of the Higher Plane and all, but we made do. Then, we got married, got a nice apartment, got joint bank accounts…you know. The usual stuff.
“But things didn’t stay perfect. Adjusting to the humdrum of a normal life was…difficult. I was too trapped in the mental bog that was the Game – being around it for your whole life really takes its toll on you – and I missed being Composer and Neku could tell. I would leave for days without telling him where I’d go, which never left him in a good mood. He lectured me about it often enough that I started avoiding him every time I’d head out. Then, he stopped lecturing me, and we saw each other less and less. And then we’d simply not talk to each other at all.”
Joshua taps the table thoughtfully, going over what Tired Joshua said. “So…once the papers are official, what are you two going to do?”
Crying Neku sighs. “Hazuki volunteered to organize a divorce party. Rindo said that he’ll go, but I think he’s just gonna be there for the free food. Shiki’s bringing me some ice cream and a blanket she sewed. And she’s giving me a 3 month subscription to Metflix. Beat…isn’t going.” He turns to Tired Joshua, rubbing his eyes. “Um, I think you should steer clear of Beat for a while. Just to be safe.”
Tired Joshua grunts. “Well, doesn’t that sound nice. Mr. H told me I could sleep in the back of his cafe for a few months but after that I’m kicked out into the sewers.”
“You deserve it,” Crying Neku spits out, voice full of venom. He turns away from his soon-to-be-ex-husband, preferring to stare at the living room walls instead. They both go quiet after that, leaving Joshua sitting there awkwardly, wondering if he should wrap things up soon.
His eyes dart between the two of them, trying to find a way to squeeze in one last question before he makes his escape. “So, Neku. After going through this harrowing experience, what advice do you have for me? In terms of taking care of my Neku.”
Crying Neku takes a deep breath. “How should you treat your Neku? I’d say listen to him. Like, actually listen to him – don’t do the selfish thing you always do where you pretend to listen but all you want is for him to come back to you so you put in the minimum amount of effort needed to have him forgive you, only to make the same mistake over and over again, which tells him that you don’t actually care about his feelings and aren’t sorry for actively hurting him.” Crying Neku begins to sniffle again as he says these words, his voice trembling. He stops himself before true tears fall from his eyes.
“How many chances has he given you? Actually count them on your fingers. I bet you can’t.” He lets out the saddest sigh Joshua has ever heard. “You don’t get an infinite amount of chances, Josh. The fact that your Neku trusts you so much isn’t your golden ticket out of your mistakes and you need to remember that.”
Grabbing the box of tissues, Crying Neku stands up and walks right out the door. He closes it with a loud slam, leaving Joshua and Tired Joshua to stare at the floor together in silence. They listen to his footsteps through the thin drywall. When the faint tap tap tapping finally fades away, Tired Josh slouches his entire upper body over the table, looking far older than the near-middle aged man that he is.
“If you’re done here, get out,” is all he says while gritting his teeth, not making any effort to hide his bitter hostility.
So Joshua goes. Opening his portal once more, he quietly steps inside, afraid of staring at his parallel self longer than he has to.
___
Joshua mercifully arrives at his next stop in record time. In stark contrast to the last universe, the Joshua and Neku of Dimension #451102 are apparently still 15 and only recently met (according to his notes – the last pair he met didn’t do a great job at that). This version of Joshua isn’t the Composer (turns out that Sho actually achieved his dreams in this timeline, although Mr. H was acting as both Conductor and Producer because Megs quit three weeks after Sho got promoted). When Joshua meets the other him for the first time, he sees that he’s wearing a high school uniform.
“Come in,” he gestures, “Neku and I just got back from cram school and his parents are out. But you’ll have to make it quick – I need to leave by his curfew and it’s already seven.”
Joshua, happy to just get to business, takes no time in following directions. He’s even slightly charmed by the tinier version of him wearing a school tie and a blue blazer with St. Michael’s emblem embroidered on it. He goes to sit down on a bean bag in Neku’s room.
The door clicks and opens. Neku #451102 enters and Joshua feels a wave of nostalgia at the sight. He hadn’t seen his Neku in his school uniform very often, but it was always a treat when he did. Good times.
“Oh wow! You’re actually here. Um. Hi, other Joshua?” As Neku puts his bag down, he sets some snacks on the table and politely offers some to Joshua. What a sweetheart.
“I am. Thanks for having me.” Joshua smiles sweetly and picks up a small chocolate biscuit. He ignores how Younger Joshua is already glaring daggers at him.
Willing to get the conversation rolling as he’s on a strict time limit, Joshua looks over at his parallel self. “How did you even find your way into the group chat? Did someone invite you in?” He takes a bite out of his biscuit, genuinely curious.
Younger Joshua snorts. “No, Mr. H got me in. He said that it’s easier to keep track of all of you at the same time that way, and it wouldn’t hurt me if I knew a little about what’s going on in case something like this happened.” He drums his fingers against the table, pouting. “What’s so good about being the Composer anyway? All you guys seem to do is sit on a throne in a sewer and sadly watch your life pass you by. And argue with each other all the time.”
Joshua feels the edge of his mouth twitch. Were kids always this annoying? He doesn’t remember being this much of a brat, but maybe Mr. H wasn’t completely wrong when he said he was insufferable back then.
“Not to mention you’re literally here right now to get advice on saving your Neku.” He feeds a chip into Younger Neku’s mouth, who chews thoughtfully. “I’m not saying we won’t try to help, but seriously? How bad did it get for you to have to come to us, a pair of high schoolers?
The kid’s got a point. Joshua didn’t think he’d be here either, nagging other versions of himself and Neku for advice. How far the great have fallen.
“Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t do the same if your beloved’s soul was caught up in a twist.” He drinks from his cup of tea.
Younger Joshua lets out a hmph . Younger Neku leans over to his side of the table, whispering into his ear, quiet enough that Joshua can’t hear him.
After a moment, Younger Joshua nods decisively. “Neku says that we can’t help you –”
In which Younger Neku elbows him sharply in the ribs under the table, then meets Joshua’s eyes with earnest warmth. “First of all, that is not what I said, and all of us here know it. Second of all, I know that other me has his reasons for doing this, and I’m sorry that you had to come all this way to get answers, but we can’t help you the way you’d like us to since we don't actually know the logistics of saving a soul and all.”
Joshua sighs. “Well, this conversation is going far smoother than the one I had in the last dimension I visited, so I don’t mind. Just out of curiosity; how did you two meet?” Joshua asks, his hand supporting his jaw as he rests his elbow on the table. He takes another bite out of his biscuit and watches Younger Neku tap his chin, thinking.
“Josh and I met at a very bad time for me. I just lost one of my friends – my best friend – a few months ago at the time. Everyday was horrible – not only did I have to deal with losing my best friend, but I also had to go to school and ‘be strong’ or ‘be brave’ in front of my teachers and parents. But then I met Josh.”
Joshua taps the table, eyes gleaming knowingly at Younger Neku.
“…I was vandalizing the mural in Udagawa,” he admits guiltily. “Mr. H caught me but Josh helped me out, saying that it looked way better than the stuff he painted on the mural anyway, and that I’m only helping him fix his mistakes.” He smirks fondly at his Joshua. “Mr. H got so pissed at Josh afterward that he didn’t even notice me sneaking away while he was screaming his voice hoarse.”
“That sounds like him,” Joshua mutters. “How long did it take for you two to get along? I know it took my Neku and I quite some time. Although I did like him very much from the beginning.”
“Oh, well, it wasn't an instant connection or anything like that for us either. I actually told him to fuck off and leave me alone and he said I looked like an orange sea urchin. I just thought he was a bratty rich kid who wanted to mess with some random loser ‘cause he was bored.”
“You did look like one though,” Younger Joshua mutters quietly underneath his breath.
Younger Neku pretends he doesn’t hear him. “But I kept going to Udagawa. And he kept being there too. And we argued, and talked a lot. And finally when we both agreed that the world sucked balls, we started to get closer.”
Joshua rolls his eyes. The romance between two emo kids really is unparalleled.
“When I told Josh about the accident…unlike my teachers and parents who treated me like I was gonna fall apart at any second, Josh just asked me if I wanted to watch Tin Pin Slammer together.” He suddenly frowns. “But he also told me that my taste in characters was trash and that I wasn't keeping up with the greater lore. He said that if we wanted to binge season seven together, I’d have to take notes from the Wiki first.”
Younger Joshua throws his hands up in the air in frustration. “You failed the quiz I assigned you, we had study sessions over it!”
As they bicker, Joshua raises an eyebrow at Younger Neku, who stops and generously offers him some context to the conversation.
“...Joshua is the one who wrote 97% of the Wiki.”
“We settled to just have dates at Towa Records or Hachiko Cafe until we could overcome our differences,” Younger Joshua says with clear disappointment in his eyes. “Until Neku scores at least a passing grade on that quiz, we won’t even touch my collection of Tin Pin Slammer Blu-ray CDs.”
Joshua stares at the two teenagers for a moment before clearing his throat. It’s time to move the conversation along.
“How did you two resolve your worst fight?” he asks, attempting one last time to dig some useful information out of the two of them.
Younger Neku taps his chin again. “I ignored him for a few weeks, honestly. I didn’t want to argue anymore since he never listened anyway. I didn’t think we’d resolve anything at the time – I just wanted a break from it all.
“But, it worked. And, even after I got mad and told him I didn’t want to be around him anymore, he still didn't leave me alone. And as annoying as he was because he never outrightly said sorry…he never did whatever made me mad again.”
Joshua nods at his younger self, impressed at his level of self control. “You turned out so differently than I did, so I have to ask. During this time, were you also going through –?”
“Yes,” Younger Joshua hisses out, quickly interrupting Joshua before he can finish his sentence. “I was. But then I met Neku, and things are at least a little bit better than before.”
Neither Joshua bothers to inform Neku of what they’re talking about, which leaves the poor boy looking very confused. He moves back to a different topic.
“Anyway…have you two watched season seven together yet?”
“No. But we’re also tired of always meeting up at Towa Records and Hachiko Cafe, so we’re going to try and find a compromise as soon as we can.”
The three of them continue chatting until they hear the front door open. Younger Neku quickly hides Younger Joshua in his closet and urges Joshua to either get in there with him or to get his ass through a portal right away before his mom reaches his room. Smirking fondly, Joshua opens the portal, snatches a few snacks for himself to eat on the go, and steps right in. Only a dozen more to go, he thinks, as he heads to Dimension #873648.
___
After making his rounds through yet another similar-but-different Shibuya, Joshua finally finds his way into Neku #873648’s apartment.
“Come in,” the Neku of this dimension says, ushering Joshua through another identical apartment door for the nth time that day. “I was just changing out the water for Josh – he needs fresh water every four hours or else he won’t drink it anymore. I think he likes it fresh. But since you’re here I can bring him out of his cage so we can talk more directly.”
A plump, silvery-white caterpillar rests on a branch with fluffy, downy hair spread on its back. Cabbage leaves are strewn throughout his cage along with chunks of daikon and a shallow water tray in the corner. He looks so cozy inside that Joshua almost wants to praise this dimension’s Neku for his efforts.
Joshua swallows a stifled laugh as he sees Worm-husband Neku take his caterpillar self out of the cage delicately, so careful with him that it’s kind of cute. As Wormshua sits on a cabbage leaf on the table, Worm-husband Neku pours tea out for the two of them.
“So, why am I a worm?” Joshua asks, actually curious. “Also, while you’re at it – how did you respond to my message in the group chat? You shouldn’t have access to that without his,” he gestures to Wormshua, “permission.”
Worm-husband Neku sighs. “Mr. H was actually the one who told me to check it regularly until Josh regained his human form again. I knew that there were parallel universes and all that, but…I really didn’t expect to see all that.
“I was just scrolling through randomly this morning until I saw your message. I guess I felt a little lonely, not having talked to my Josh in so long. I mean, he can’t really understand what we’re talking about right now, which is the only reason why you’re even allowed to be here, but umm…thanks for providing some company.”
Worm-husband Neku chews the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. “But, to answer your original question…we were fighting a pretty strong Noise that looked like a giant moth…wasp…thing. We weren’t careful enough.” He looks at Wormshua sadly as he relives his memory of the encounter. “It stabbed Joshua with some kind of stinger that made him really ill for a few weeks, then one day, I woke up and found him like this.
“It was supposed to be me, actually. We were arguing earlier and I was distracted in the middle of the fight. As I kept thinking about the silly things that made me so angry, Joshua noticed the Noise coming towards me and threw himself in front of me.” He exhales slowly, leaning his forehead into his palm as he glances at Wormshua who was contentedly chewing his leaf.
“It’s kind of ironic, actually. A few weeks ago he asked me if I would still love him if he was a worm, and…as you can see. This is where we are now.” As he says this, Worm-husband Neku looks gently at Wormshua, gently petting him with his finger. Wormshua seems to nibble his cabbage leaf faster under the relaxing stimulation.
Joshua stares at the bizarre display in front of him and doesn’t have the heart to say anything even a tiny bit mean.
The two of them (three of them?) don’t get much further in their discussion around helping Joshua with his Neku. Worm-husband Neku advises that he should avoid any weird moth-wasp Noise and to be a little nicer to Mr. H. Joshua snorts at that last part but promises Worm-husband Neku that he’ll do his best. Joshua makes a move to stand up, ready to leave.
Before he could fully rise, Worm-husband Neku clears his throat. “Do you want to try feeding him?” he suddenly asks, generously offering Joshua a cabbage leaf. “He’s really good at eating, I think he’s gonna start spinning a cocoon soon.”
Joshua wrinkles his nose. His immediate response is to say no, but Worm-husband Neku looks so hopeful and encouraging that he surrenders. Not that it mattered because Wormshua refused to eat from his hand no matter how hard he tried. It seems like Neku is his favorite and is the only one who gets the privilege of taking care of him.
Giving up, Joshua finally decides that enough is enough. “Alright, then. Thank you both for your time, I suppose I should get going now.” He stands up, already opening the portal in front of him, before Worm-Husband Neku interrupts him.
“Wait, actually, one more thing – what’s your favorite vegetable?” he asks, chewing his bottom lip. “Specifically…your favorite leafy greens.” He looks nervous.
Joshua purses his lips. “Chrysanthemum greens,” he answers, and takes one big step into the portal.
___
At long last, Joshua arrives at his final destination. He stretches his shoulders, feeling the stress of the day begin to take a toll on him. He looks at his itinerary: Dimension #660444 is the last stop. He reads his parallel self’s notes about this specific version of themselves. Joshua is the same as always while Neku is…
Joshua’s eyes widen slightly in shock. Neku’s the Conductor? Is that even possible? His Neku had always turned him down when he suggested such a thing – even when Joshua said it as a joke, Neku would reject his offer seriously, always telling him that he prefers his current life over whatever Megumi had to deal with.
In addition to all that, unlike all the previous universes where Joshua was invited to an apartment building, this time he found himself walking into the sewers towards the Rubicon. As he makes his way through the maze-like tunnels that sprawled below the city, he feels like the shadows are engulfing him, eating him slowly and softly. They look long and quiet, like they were waiting for something to happen. He doesn’t remember the sewers looking like this in his world.
It doesn’t take much longer before he arrives at the doors of the Dead God’s Pad. He opens the door and expects to see another parallel version of himself and Neku sitting on the sofa or lounging about, but upon entering the room, Joshua only sees his other self. There isn’t even a trace of the other Neku’s presence in the vicinity, which sets off quiet alarm bells in Joshua’s head.
“Howdy,” other Joshua greets him. “So you’re finally here.”
Something’s wrong with this other version of him, Joshua thinks. He looks grey, ashen, almost translucent. Joshua sees his shadows move strangely against the walls of the pad, making them stretch the same way he saw them in the tunnels, going against all rules of light logic. As he steps closer to the central part of the pad, he feels the growing feeling of wrongness grow stronger and stronger. Treading cautiously, he tries to break the odd tension between them.
“Where’s Neku? I heard that he’s risen to be Conductor in this dimension.” He waves his hand languidly in the air. “I’ve never heard of that happening before, truth be told. My Neku always refused me when I offered.
Other Joshua sighs. “Neku’s not here in this world. Not anymore.”
“No Neku? Ridiculous,” Joshua huffs, fully thinking that his parallel self had really bad taste in jokes. “I already told the chat that I specifically want to interview other Nekus – please tell me you read the text carefully and that I did not waste my time and energy traveling here.”
Other Joshua stares at the wall with hollow eyes which makes Joshua feel deeply uncomfortable.
“My Neku’s soul is permanently erased.”
Oh dear.
A brief moment of silence passes. Joshua’s mouth straightens into a tight line.
If Joshua thought that divorcee Joshua and Neku were bad, he was definitely not ready to hear this.
Widower Joshua continues talking. “Sorry for lying in the group chat. But you were asking and I was going through old memories so I wanted to help you.” He looks away. “You know. Don't want to live with any more regrets and all of that.”
Alright. Joshua could accept that. As tragic as the situation was, he couldn’t deny that he could learn something from it. “You know what I’m going to ask,” Joshua murmurs softly. “How did it happen?”
Widower Joshua looks at the floor. “He never learned how to adjust to life after the Game. So he went back in. And it killed him. He’s an art student in your world too, right?”
Joshua nods, encouraging his other self to continue.
“Well, In this one, he dropped out only a single semester after enrolling, and immediately asked me to let him participate in the next Game. Stupidly, I let him. I thought it would make him happy, and watched as he bulldozed the other Players as he came out on top each and every time. He was never part of a team, either, and always fought alone.”
Joshua interrupts his parallel self, confused at this extreme development. “Stop, hold on. What happened to Neku after the Shinjuku incident? Mine came back looking rather alright, although a little tired, but he wasn’t in bad shape by any definition.”
Widower Joshua walks in small circles around the pad. He ignores the fish that flock to his feet. He looks at the water instead, watching tiny ripples that don’t reach him from underneath the glass.
“He was completely different. It was like all the progress he made during the original Long Game was completely destroyed. He lost his trust in everyone, including his friends, and especially me. I didn’t blame him, not really, you know how that feels – but every time I tried to approach him he would refuse to listen to me.
“That was the last time I saw him for a while, when he asked me to let him into the Game. After that, he kept rising the ranks. He transformed from Player to Reaper, Reaper to Game Master, Game master to Conductor…and then…finally, we met each other again.”
Joshua sharply inhales. “You dueled him?”
A nod. “He wouldn't let me say no. And so…he lost. Neku is powerful, but you and I both know the odds.”
Both Joshuas go silent. Only the sound of fish nibbling against glass tiles fill the room in an empty echo.
It’s Joshua who breaks the tension first, laughing humorlessly.
“You tried pulling him back together–”
“Of course I did. But his soul was already ground into dust after all the shit he went through. It was liquid at that point. Every time I’d pull him together, he’d just fall apart. Like he didn’t want to be here anymore.”
Joshua resists the urge to shiver at the uncanniness of their situations.
“His soul didn’t linger. It evaporated into the void before I could ask Sanae to do anything.” Widower Joshua sags into himself, his hands cupping his face despairingly as he remembers the past. He looks so tired and deeply, truly alone. Joshua would feel pity if he was a kinder man, but at the moment he doesn’t care – to him, there’s no excuse for such a significant loss.
“So, what you’re admitting to me is that you couldn’t save him, so you let him do what we did when we were playing the Game.” Joshua angrily walks towards his parallel self. “You let him sabotage his own life? Burn every bridge he had?”
He runs a hand through his hair. “What were you thinking?” he asks, furious at everything.
Widower Joshua sharply confronts him. “What was I thinking? You should know what I was thinking. I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to recover – I told him I could erase his memories if he was suffering so much – but he refused everything I gave him."
Widower Joshua leans his entire body against a wall as if he couldn’t even balance himself anymore. He looks ill. “We had a fight,” he admits, his glassy eyes staring at nothing. “I told him that if he was going to act that way then I should’ve erased Shibuya in the first place. He didn’t argue with me after that, and now he's gone.”
Joshua once more remembers the eerie, lonely shadows he saw in the Rubicon. Rather than feeling like home, this Shibuya without a Neku feels like punishment personified.
“Even so, there is no excuse for failing to save your own proxy –”
“Then tell me. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done? Our Nekus may have had different experiences in Shinjuku which triggered the different paths they went down upon returning to Shibuya, but they’re not so different from each other. Their souls are near-identical copies! What would you have done if your Neku came back the same way as mine, hollow and haunted by something that was never his fault?”
Joshua grits his teeth, unimpressed by this other Joshua’s poor ramblings at justifying why his Neku’s life was sacrificed for nothing. As he prepares himself to tear apart such a failure of a Composer, Joshua suddenly looks into his eyes, and as quickly as his rage came, it disappeared in less than a breath. Gazing at him, all the fight drains out of Joshua, and he realizes that his other self wasn’t asking rhetorical questions – these are the words of a man who regrets everything and wants genuine answers, real solutions to a problem that had already been concluded.
Silence ebbs in and out between them. Joshua feels like he’s been standing there for hours, just processing the information he’s been told. He’s the first to talk again, haunted by both how little and how much he now knows.
“How many years has it been?” Joshua asks, afraid of the answer.
Widower Joshua doesn’t speak. Joshua feels his heart somehow sink even further.
Once the silence becomes truly unbearable, Widower Joshua tears open a new portal. It’s a thin, flimsy tear, and Joshua assumes it leads to the Room of Reckoning, just another cell in this maze of a prison. Before his body is fully engulfed by the dark fog leading inside, he gives Joshua one last ashen look.
“My advice to you – one of the luckier ones – is to answer the questions I have asked you. That is all.”
And with that, the portal is zipped shut, and Joshua is left with no one.
___
As Joshua trudges through the portal on his way back home, he takes smaller footsteps than before, feeling numb and heavy. He thinks about all the parallel versions of himself and Neku he’s met today and feels tired. He also feels like he’s heading home carrying more problems in the back of his mind than before.
He puts his detective hat back on and refocuses on the main question: how can he and his Neku reconcile? Neku really is going to disappear if Joshua doesn’t get his act together, so he tries combing together all the information he’s gleaned from his trip.
To start with: the advice from divorcee Joshua and Neku. They…made Joshua feel like he was watching a train wreck happening in real time with no way to stop it. The collision would be fatal, with no survivors, and simply pathetic. Joshua tries to remember Crying Neku’s advice – which, summarized, was just to listen to Neku, especially when he’s upset enough to start shouting at Joshua. Fair enough, he thinks – he knows he can be a bit inconsistent with communication at times, so he can start small and just shut his mouth when Neku’s talking to him.
But then, he starts wondering to himself if it was that easy. It was very straightforward, direct advice; only a fool would be able to mess up such simple instructions.
But is Joshua more of a fool than he thought he was?
His initial answer is no. But just to be certain, he dives deeper into his thoughts, remembering their smaller, high school selves. Young and blissfully in love, Joshua only has good things to say about them, and remembers that even when they fought, Younger Neku’s Joshua would reflect on his actions and steadily learn bit by bit what they could do to avoid fights in the future. Joshua nods to himself; once again, very sound advice! But something’s still off – he feels the same as a student who's memorized the material to a difficult multiple choice question test, full of information but starving in understanding.
Joshua is determined to solve this problem once and for all so Neku no longer tries to commit suicide ever again during their fights. He remembers Wormshua and his caretaker. Such an odd pair. Would he take care of Worm Neku, he asks himself? Wormeku? He would, he thinks. Of course, that’s only if he wasn’t able to use his Composer powers to revert Neku back to his original state. He laughs, thinking of a spiky orange caterpillar chomping away at a piece of cabbage.
He really would do anything for Neku. Not that he’ll ever tell him. His thoughts drift back to their high school selves. If he was young, never entered the Game, and Neku was around at the same time, would his trajectory in life have gone that way, too? Neku was so young when he lost his friend…if he had someone with him during such a vulnerable, transitional period, would he have grown into a completely different person? Joshua feels his mouth purse into a tight line. How much happier would he have been, already finding the support he needs, fully avoiding his participation in the Game?
He then thinks about Conductor Neku, the one he never got to meet. What would’ve happened if Neku never went to Shinjuku? Or if Joshua was able to help him then? If that Neku never got to rejoin the Games he became so acclimated to…would he still be alive? Of course, he makes the problem seem so easy in his head, but…what choices could he have made if he was in his other self’s shoes at the time?
Joshua looks down at his feet. What would it have been like if Neku never needed the Game in the first place? And then he thinks of the big, unavoidable question: what if he never needed Joshua to begin with?
What would he do if he was the one in Neku’s shoes right now, floating soundlessly in the void, so far away from everyone? He knows he needs Neku and would keep him alive at all costs. But does he know how to keep Neku alive? Even more worrisome was the next question – what is any of it worth if Neku isn't happy being alive?
Joshua shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows. Even if he himself lived through life bleakly…it doesn't mean that everyone else will do the same. Isn't that the entire reason why he brought Neku home? To see him laugh with friends and enjoy what he didn't before?
In a rare burst of nostalgia, Joshua briefly remembers when he had just conquered his claim as the Composer and mandated the entry fee for all Players. To remember what’s beloved to them and to improve themselves, he recalls himself saying, sitting alone on his shiny new throne.
He finally lands back home. Soundlessly, he paces back into their shared apartment, shutting the door with a soft slam.
___
Joshua sinks into the sofa and tiredly closes his eyes, focusing his thoughts on Neku just like before. When he reaches the void, he feels his heart stutter. Neku looks far worse than before. His soul is crumbling in places like wet sand, the rest of him flaking apart like rusted iron. He glows dimly in the darkness, flickering from time to time.
Joshua knows that Neku can already feel his presence but he cautiously approaches him anyway, treating him like a tiny pearl in a giant oyster.
“Hey,” he tries, starting small. He sees Neku flare weakly. It’s hard for him to do anything now after deteriorating so much in so little time.
“Listen…I just got back from a day trip visiting a couple dozen or so parallel universes.”
Joshua sees Neku let out weak sparks of anger. You went on vacation? Are you serious?
Joshua laughs. “No, silly. I went on a field trip. I talked to a handful of other Joshuas and Nekus and asked them how they saved their relationships from each other.”
Neku sits still. Joshua continues.
“Apparently they’ve gone through the same fights that we have. And they also struggled to reconcile. Some of them failed, honestly.”
Are you breaking up with me right now Josh?
“No. Stop interrupting me.” Joshua sighs, flicking a piece of some other random person’s soul away from them. “Anyway, back to what I was saying…
“I realized something while talking to all of them. I told you, I’m quite good at investigation, and during my chats with them, I had a lot of chances to think about where we went wrong and how we could improve from here –”
Just get to the point.
Joshua sighs. So impatient! But Neku’s right; they’re short on time right now. Neku’s flaking faster with each word Joshua speaks. So, taking a deep breath, Joshua says what’s been on his mind for the entire day, what he knew before he went dimension-hopping, what he knew before he asked Neku to come home with him the first time he tried.
“It was me. All of it. I don’t know how to make you stay happy, Neku. So you’re going to have to tell me.” He purses his lips. “And this time I’m listening.”
Joshua feels Neku sigh. Then, slowly, he sees Neku’s tiny soul finally, finally drifting back to him, landing softly in his palm. Joshua resists the urge to clamp both of his hands shut, pull him close to his chest, and squeeze him tight so that he would never leave him again.
Well, it isn’t the same as an actual apology, but I think it’s good enough for now. Neku flutters against Joshua’s palm. You’re going to have to tell me more about that field trip when we get back.
“Oh, I will,” Joshua says, smirking. “You won’t believe what I saw and who I met.”
That I believe. Neku sighs and brushes himself up against Joshua’s thumb. You know, he says, I didn’t actually want to disappear. I was just so angry that I wanted you to feel the same. I thought that maybe if you knew the extent of my feelings…you would change. But I knew you’d come back for me. I trusted you to save me.
Also…I am happy with you. Don’t doubt that ever again.
Neku flares once, seemingly embarrassed. Joshua snickers, and pets him gently, brushing a finger over Neku’s cracked center. He closes his eyes, lashes fluttering, seeing specks of light behind his shuttered lids. “You’re so spoiled,” he whispers, and holds Neku tight, touching his forehead against the little ball of light in his palms that he cares for so much that he’d sacrifice an entire city for him.
___
Once they both returned to the RG, Joshua immediately went to work on bringing Neku back. It did take Neku a few weeks to recover as Joshua pulled every particle of his soul back from the void, going through extensive lengths to triple check and make sure he cleaned up everything, but it certainly went faster than the first two times Joshua had to do it. When Neku finally awoke, comfortably sitting in his bed, he and Joshua both stared at his destroyed canvas (which Joshua forgot to hide away in the back of the closet). Preparing for the worst, Joshua tries to come up with any excuse – but is surprised when Neku simply laughs.
“Why did it feel like the world was ending when I was painting this a few weeks ago?” he whispers, threading his fingers through Joshua’s. “Now that I’m looking at it again, all I can think of is that it was all so silly.”
Joshua stays quiet but squeezes Neku’s hand. He doesn’t know what to say, so he just stays by his side. And in that moment, he feels like he’s learned something new, and squeezes Neku’s hand even tighter.