Chapter Text
This thing could use a cover. In the meantime have this.
“…divorce him, kill yourself and marry me.”
“No.”
“To which bit?”
“Crikey, mate! That’s morbid even for you.” As Alison rattled her way down the line, Humphrey jokingly jibed up at the poet from held in his clammy hands.
“Hush now, Humphrey. The fair Alison, she—”
Halting in her footsteps, the alive woman chose to stand before the two spirits, eyes impossibly softening along with her rage.
“Missed you,” Alison murmured.
To both of their chagrin, Thomas’s gaze turned lovelorn as he puffed out his chest and practically tripped over his own feet and into the ‘swooning’ Alison’s arms. From held in his arms, Humphrey prepared himself for the inevitable fell swoop of the drop, oddly fearful that it wasn’t a long way down. His jaw would crush beneath him, back teeth grinding together hard enough to draw ‘blood’ but, that was alright. He’d felt worse.
“…eyes so… nice…”
“EUGH.” Not enthused, the alive woman jumped back, then singled her eyes on Humphrey instead of Thomas. From his hold in the poet’s bony hands, he swallowed thickly.
“You,” Alison began harsher than intended, spooked eyes falling to her feet, “I didn’t ask: what d’you want?”
The heat rushed to his cheeks and he chuckled nervously as all eight ghosts (with legs to do so), gathered all around him, staring hard back down at the severed head as they waited with bated breath for him to answer. If Humphrey could, he’d jokingly (or not so) swipe at the ‘sweat’ that was surely prickling at his forehead. He cleared his throat and hummed.
“Ideally to have a body at the end of my neck,” Humphrey’s head jibed. “Buuuut that’s clearly wishful thinking. So, err, we’ll have to settle for another ‘hello’.”
Alison blinked. Held out a hand. Stammered. Withdrew her hand. “Is this thing for real?”
“Thing?!” Humphrey’s lips parted to protest, but he swallowed it down. “Actually, yeah. I’ve heard worse.”
“So, Ali,” The frazzled husband piped back up, wedging something small, flat and glowing in her freshly stitched back up face, “Psychotic break, yeah?”
Her right eye twitched, as did her raised hand. Then, unsurprisingly, Alison snapped.
“Come with me! All of you!”
“Way to ruin it, Humphrey,” Thomas spat, dropping him. Somehow, the bastard’s drop was still graceful.
The severed head landed heavily with a huff and rasped ‘Oi!’. As expected, his fellow ghosts didn’t bat him another look, instead choosing to carry on hurrying after Alison. Then, he groaned from his position of cheek smushed into the chalky gravel and turned away from them all, as not expected, the hastened footsteps halted. The soles of shoes squeaked as they turned on their heel.
Footsteps grew closer and closer to him; his whole face creased and he forced his eyes shut, breathing quickly as he tried to suss out who was coming for him.
He had never heard such footsteps, nor witnessed such dainty, feminine hands – with some rather fetching gold-foil type jewellery – come to wave before him and - Humphrey shrieked, cursing himself for such a feminine sound – those hands forced their way through him. Prodded.
And again.
“No, don’t!”
And again.
“Man not alive!”
“I can’t… damnit.” She slumped. “I can’t help you, can I?”
“Afraid not, no.” A slightly disoriented Tudor nobleman determined. “Was kind of you to try, though.”
“Right!” Sucking in a breath, Alison promptly arose to standing and jabbed at another ghost, silently demanding they fetch the severed head.
“Carry on.”
Footsteps - certain of themselves strides, Humphrey deduced from his spot on the floor - sounded, growing closer by the second. A throat was cleared and knees did pop.
Oh Jeez. The Tudor sighed, mentally preparing himself to be barrelled under the scratchy fabric clad, rigid free arm of The Captain. He inhaled a deep breath, knowing the elder man wasn’t one for neither the gentle cradle nor the soft, upstanding landing.
“Hey!” His face was blinded by olive, brown, clinging medals and the like, “Don’t... ah, Captain! Watch the neck, mate, please!”
Together of sorts, The Captain muttering away about ‘tanks this’ and ‘super weapons that’, the two spirits followed Alison in, and Humphrey silently welcomed her to their frightfully haunted home.