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Beomgyu wishes airports weren’t so tense. Seriously, he understands security and all of that, but why is everyone always so grumpy ? Everyone has their own reason for being there and for going wherever it is that they’re going, and not all of those reasons are good either, can they all at least try to get along though?
This is the third time someone has come over to plug their phone into the charger, glaring at Beomgyu when they realize he got there first. It’s not his fault he knows this airport like the back of his hand now and has all of the good spots to sit memorized. He didn’t ask for this, he didn’t choose this.
Well, maybe he kind of did.
At least the gate he’s waiting at is still relatively empty, most of the other passengers still making their way over from wherever they were. Beomgyu gives it another hour before things start to pick up more; until then he will enjoy the sunset painting the sky with pretty shades of orange and pink even as it starts to fill with clouds. That might be why everyone seems so stressed out today, actually. If this snowstorm comes in too fast, none of them are going anywhere, and Beomgyu is sure that’s probably the most distressing thing in the world to some of the people around him.
He wouldn’t mind staying here. His friends are here, his job, his favorite bookstores and coffee shops. The only thing that isn’t here is his family, but he doesn’t really miss them and he doesn’t think they miss him too much either. Seoul was his home though, and part of his history is written there, even though he wishes he could forget some of it.
It would take a lot to get him to stay there for longer than the week-long vacations he’ll go over for once every few months, just to satisfy his family so they’ll let him exist in New York in peace.
“Can I sit here?” Beomgyu looks away from the sunset to see who interrupted his mental reflecting session, but all complaints die in his throat when he sees the man looking down at him. Pretty blond hair, the dark roots just starting to grow out. Heart-shaped lips, pink and glossy and tilted up just a bit at the corners. The man has a dark brown backpack slung over his shoulder, his hand resting on the handle of a small suitcase that Beomgyu assumes is his carry-on bag. He seems quiet enough and at least he was polite enough to ask, although Beomgyu doesn’t really understand why he has to sit here of all places.
“Okay,” He says anyway, moving some of his own luggage around so the stranger can sit comfortably in the seat next to him. The stranger doesn’t seem like the kind of person to be obnoxious, and there’s no real reason for Beomgyu to say no anyways.
“Sorry, I know you were probably enjoying your space, but I wanted to make sure I got the charger when you were done with it.” The stranger pulls out his phone, turning the screen on just so he can turn on do not disturb and slide the brightness down to the lowest setting before he turns his phone off again. Beomgyu likes how the stranger thinks.
“It’s okay, that just means they’ll all glare at you and not me for a while.” Beomgyu replies, suppressing a smile when the stranger laughs. His whole face lights up, Beomgyu notices, a happy glow spreading across his features when he giggles. “I’m Beomgyu, by the way.”
He doesn’t really know what brings him to introduce himself– after all, they are just strangers sitting next to each other in an airport– but the stranger doesn’t seem to mind, in fact he doesn’t even look surprised.
“I’m Soobin. It’s nice to meet you, Beomgyu. Just out of curiosity, how old are you?” Soobin . Beomgyu tests the name in his head, then says it out loud, deciding to answer Soobin’s question even though it is a bit random.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Soobin. I’m twenty-one, but I’ll be twenty-two next month.” Soobin smirks, satisfied at Beomgyu’s response, then leans closer until their shoulders are lightly touching like he’s about to tell Beomgyu a secret.
“I’m older than you, then. You may call me hyung, I’m assuming you’re also Korean.”
“Whatever you say, hyung .” Beomgyu rolls his eyes playfully, smiling at Soobin’s giggle once again before they settle into a comfortable silence. The gate gradually fills up, the buzz of departing tourists and people coming home getting louder as more flights move through. Eventually, their plane pulls up in the window in front of them, the pilots hard to see in the cockpit. Dark gray clouds cover the sky more now that the sun has almost fully set, their outlines just barely visible against the deep navy sky.
Before Beomgyu knows it, almost every seat in the waiting area is full, except for a select few around him and Soobin. It’s like the universe has given them a bubble, a little space just for them to exist together.
“Are you from Korea originally?” Soobin asks, checking the time on his watch before he watches Beomgyu, waiting for his reply.
“Yeah, I moved here after college. One of my friends came here because I guess New York is supposed to have good dance programs, so I just followed him.” Of course, there is more to the story than that, but Soobin is just a stranger still and this is just small talk. Nothing more than a simple conversation to fill the time. “What about you?”
“I just came to visit, I still live in Korea most of the time, but occasionally work brings me here and I have to stay for a few days.” Soobin gets comfortable in the seat, crossing his legs and turning his body so he’s facing Beomgyu a bit more. He looks relaxed, like all of this is terribly familiar to him, too.
“What do you do for work?” Beomgyu finds himself wanting their conversation to continue, curious about why the small talk doesn’t feel so hollow as small talk usually does.
“I’m an interior designer, or at least I will be. I’m still an apprentice at my firm while I finish school.” There’s a spark in Soobin’s eyes as he talks about his profession, like it means a great deal to him. It probably does– he seems like the type of person to be extremely passionate about the things he enjoys, and he so clearly enjoys this. Beomgyu wants to see that spark again.
Beomgyu is about to ask Soobin another question about his work, an announcement coming over the speaker interrupting his train of thought.
“Attention ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that this flight has been delayed due to some routing issues around the incoming weather. We estimate it will only be a two hour delay at the most, and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.” Beomgyu and Soobin look up to the screen showing the status of their flight at the exact moment the word ‘delayed’ pops up in orange-yellow letters on the screen. Some people around them sigh, while others immediately open their phones and walk away to make phone calls to the people waiting for them at their destinations.
“Well then, Beomgyu,” Soobin starts, unplugging Beomgyu’s phone so he can plug his own in instead. “I guess we’re stuck together for a while longer.”
Yeah, I guess we are.
✈️
After talking for a while longer, Beomgyu decides that Soobin is shy, like him, but not in the sense that he doesn’t ever talk. Like Beomgyu, all it takes for Soobin to open up is the right topic and suddenly all of his emotions are written in bold letters on his face. Somehow they’ve gone from interior design, to the problems with the design of dance studios, to which color scheme they want their bathrooms to be when they buy their own houses.
“I think I want my future home to be a representation of both my partner and me, though. Like, we have our own spaces within the house, but the main living areas reflect both of us.” Beomgyu says, Soobin nodding along like he’s said something meaningful. Perhaps he has.
“Have you ever lived with someone before?” Soobin asks, taking a sip of the coffee he had left to go get just after their flight was delayed.
“I was going to, but then we broke up. Since then, it hasn’t really crossed my mind with anyone else. I’ve just never wanted to share my space with any of them, I guess.” Soobin nods again, pausing for a second before he speaks, concentration settling over his features as he considers his reply. Beomgyu watches his eyebrows twitch, then relax as he figures out what to say, and adds that to the list of endearing things Soobin has done since they met.
“It’s a lot to share your space with someone. I mean, you’re already sharing so much with them, your vulnerability, your body, your soul. Sharing your space just feels like another one of those things sometimes.”
“You sound like you have experience, hyung.” Beomgyu comments, hoping he’s not pressing into something Soobin doesn’t want to talk about, and trusting that Soobin will speak up if Beomgyu says something wrong. Although they’ve just met, Beomgyu thinks he wants Soobin to like him; he wants them to be friends somehow.
“I lived with my ex-boyfriend for a while, but it just never really clicked. When things got strained between us, being in the same space for so long just meant that we got tired of each other. He got tired of me wanting love, and I got tired of having to bend over backwards trying to get it.” Soobin frowns, the turn of his lips more disappointed and angry than sad. Beomgyu knows that feeling all too well.
“I think the worst part of a breakup is when suddenly, you can’t remember how it felt to love them or be loved by them. All you know is the bitterness they left behind, all you can remember is the hurt you never spoke about.” Beomgyu takes a moment to think back to his own experiences, trying to draw all of the things he realized but never said out loud to the surface. “Like, you think back to everything you did together and everything you shared, but you can’t remember it fondly anymore, now that you know how it all ends.”
Some of the bitterness crawls back up his throat, loving kisses and sweet words flash through his mind with red flags and burning flames on the edges. In the end, after it’s all over, everything feels like a lie. After all, if it could just end like that, did it ever mean anything at all? If they could just walk away from each other like nothing ever happened between them, like they were never anything important, is that true? Were they ever really something?
“And it’s not like you can get closure for that. No one wants to ask their ex when exactly they stopped loving them.” Soobin chuckles dryly, taking another sip of his coffee and grimacing at the taste as he swallows down the last few drops. “I think I’ll go get another one, do you want anything?”
“Maybe just a scone.” Beomgyu requests with a smile, sighing as Soobin walks off towards the small coffee shop down the terminal. This is certainly not where he thought his evening was going, but he’s not complaining. It’s nice to share his introspective thoughts with someone who seems to understand them, even if that someone is a complete stranger. Or perhaps they aren’t such strangers anymore, after sharing some of the things they’ve shared. It’s not like this really counts as small talk anymore, it’s more like a deep conversation one would have with a close friend or a lover at night while a thunderstorm passes by. More accurately, it’s the kind of thing Beomgyu would usually write down, having a conversation with himself and telling himself exactly what he needs to hear because he knows no one else will.
Soobin seems like the kind of person Beomgyu would like to be able to trust. He feels like in some sense, he already does, the words spilling off his tongue without him thinking about how much of himself he wants to expose. Everything he’s said, Soobin has seemed to not only understand it, but to relate to it as well. As much as Beomgyu hates the thought that someone could hurt Soobin in a way like that, he’s grateful for the connection they have to each other through that hurt. Maybe Soobin feels less alone now, too.
“They only had lemon poppyseed left.” Soobin comes back over to where Beomgyu is sitting, passing a small, brown paper bag to Beomgyu before sitting down. Beomgyu thanks him quietly, reaching into the bag and breaking off a piece of the scone. Neither of them say much as Soobin nurses his second coffee and Beomgyu eats his scone, but the air between them is thick with unsaid words and quiet introspection.
“Sometimes, I want someone to say something. Like, I don’t know what the perfect words are, but I want someone to find them somehow and say them.” Soobin is the one to crack and start the conversation again once he’s finished his coffee, the words coming off his tongue with the smallest bit of hesitation.
“Mm, that’s like when I want comfort, but I don’t know how to explain exactly what kind of comfort I want. I know what I need, but at the same time I don’t.”
“Right? And it’s unrealistic to expect someone else to know those things, especially when we don’t even know them ourselves at the moment, but saying all of those words out loud and asking for comfort feels so… wrong.” Beomgyu considers the selfishness they’re referring to, the unrealisticness of it all and all of the hurt that brought them both to this point. The logical part of his brain is already protesting, making sure he knows that it is not, in fact, selfish to ask for comfort and that it is, in fact, a normal thing to want someone to know you better than you know yourself.
“It would be nice though, to just give a signal and they would understand what to do. I had something like that with my ex– it worked well for a while,” Beomgyu hesitates, momentarily wondering if he should continue before he catches the interested look on Soobin’s face and decides that yes, he should. “I would just text him these keywords and he would tell me exactly what I needed to hear at the time, which we had already established. It worked until he stopped doing it. That was not a good feeling.”
It truly wasn’t– having those keywords on both sides worked so well for a while, but when Beomgyu’s boyfriend at the time stopped responding in the way he had before, Beomgyu felt lost. That had become a solid, reliable form of comfort, until it wasn’t and Beomgyu had to scramble to pick up the pieces so he could hold himself up again.
“It’s heartbreaking, but just because they hold your heart gently at the start doesn’t mean they will until the end. Just like a child squeezing a balloon too hard without realizing it, they will do that to your heart.” The realization sounds painful even as it comes off of Soobin’s lips, but Beomgyu knows that it’s entirely the truth. “I feel like that’s another thing with relationships– there’s a good kind of rhythm but there’s also a kind that just doesn’t work. There’s certain things that you should get used to, but certain things should feel special every time. A relationship shouldn’t be this thing that just sits there until the balloon finally pops.”
“Can something feel special every time though?” Soobin opens his mouth to reply, but cuts himself off, making Beomgyu wait a minute longer while he tries to formulate his thoughts into a coherent sentence. Beomgyu likes watching Soobin think, he realizes. He likes the slight pout that forms on Soobin’s lips, the sparkle in his eyes, the way his fingers twist together as he sorts through his thoughts.
“Maybe not special, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore. Sex, intimacy, spending time together, none of that should feel like a chore with someone. It doesn’t have to feel shiny and new– settling into a comfortable rhythm there is totally normal– but it shouldn’t feel like this thing you have to do.” Something clicks in Beomgyu at Soobin’s words, a trickle of grief and past pain coming back for the second time tonight. There is longing mixed in there too, yearning for a better love, a love that he will never question.
“It’s weird– I mean, I don’t know if I could ever settle into a rhythm with someone again without wondering if they’re just getting ready to leave. I want that safety, that consistency, but for me it almost feels like a warning flag at this point.” It’s almost too honest, but saying it out loud soothes something in Beomgyu’s aching heart. He knows that with the right person, their attraction and love for him will be clear; he also knows that attraction ebbs and flows over time, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But for Beomgyu, after the relationships he’s been in, that sense of safety isn’t safe anymore, it just feels like a countdown. Knowing what to expect is more than just that now, it’s knowing what comes next, and that’s usually a text trying to hide the fact that they aren’t in love anymore. Beomgyu never wants to see one of those again.
“Someone will help you heal that. Someone will show you that you are not unlovable, that you are always worthy of their love no matter how long you’ve been together.” Soobin reaches across the small gap between them to take Beomgyu’s hand in his, squeezing it gently. “You are not impossible to love, Beomgyu.”
Beomgyu wonders if he’s hallucinating, or if there is truly more behind those beautiful words that Beomgyu has never heard before. Maybe it’s the look in Soobin’s eyes, or the care in his touch, but for a minute Beomgyu lets himself wonder. Could that person be you?
“Every time I think about what’s next, I get scared. There’s this part of my brain that’s always telling me ‘how will you ever find someone like him’ even though I know I don’t want someone like him again. Better is out there, and I deserve better, but my body and my heart are used to him. What if next time, I do it all wrong?” Everything is personal suddenly, Beomgyu’s fears coming up to the surface in the middle of an airport because somehow this is what his brain has deemed a safe place for him to let it out. Unless it’s not the place, actually, because it could be the person .
“That’s understandable. You grow to understand their body, how your body responds to theirs, how your bodies exist together. It’s scary to think about existing with another body, what that might feel like, what next time will bring even though you know it could be better, healthier.” I think I’d trust you, though, I think I’d like to know how our bodies would coexist. Beomgyu wants . He wants to explore this connection he feels, wants to submerge himself in it until he finds just where their souls line up. He’s never been one to believe heavily in fate or soulmates, but this feels unlike any connection he’s ever had before. They feel matched, like they line up in the right places and like they understand each other in a way that means they can hold each other gently through the rough patches.
It feels so surreal, so insane that Beomgyu wonders if this is all just a dream, or if Soobin feels it too. Can he see it? Can he see the curiosity in Beomgyu’s eyes? Does he feel the pull on the red string tied around his heart every time Beomgyu’s heart beats?
He’s about to ask, about to hold Soobin’s hand tighter and see just how close they’ve become when the speakers crackle, the airport snapping to attention around them.
“Attention ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that all outbound flights scheduled for the next six hours have been canceled due to weather. If you need accommodations, please go to the front desk at your respective gate and our staff will be happy to help. Thank you for your cooperation and sorry for the inconvenience.”
Beomgyu and Soobin stare at each other for a moment, their carry-on suitcases and backpacks suddenly seeming useless. The airport descends into chaos around them as people become frustrated, worried, sad, lost even. But the two of them exist in their own little bubble now, nothing else really matters yet.
Neither of them had processed how much time had passed, nor had they seen the snow falling faster every minute outside of the window in front of them. It hits Beomgyu now just how enthralled they were with each other to not even think about the status of their flight or what to do if their flight got canceled.
“I guess I should probably see what they can do for a hotel room.” Soobin runs a hand through his hair, laughing half-heartedly. For a second, Beomgyu forgot that although he just came here from his apartment, Soobin doesn’t live here and this was meant to be Soobin’s flight home. Perhaps he can still explore their connection after all, now that the universe has so kindly granted them more time together.
“Actually, hyung, it’s going to be cold tonight, with the snowstorm and all,” Beomgyu stands, stretching his arms and back and feeling the soreness dissipate as his muscles relax. It’s a leap, what he’s about to ask, but he truly doesn’t think he’s wrong in the connection he feels between them, and he doesn’t think he’s wrong for wondering if there could be something more. “You could just come back to my apartment and I could order takeout or find something in the fridge and we could just chill, then see if we can catch a flight tomorrow or something maybe?”
Soobin looks surprised, but only for a second before he’s standing too, pulling up the handle on his carry-on suitcase and slipping the straps of his backpack over his shoulders.
“I’d like that.”
✈️
It takes a while for them to get out of the airport between having to navigate through crowds of people and having to retrieve the luggage they had checked in back at security. On their way out they hear enough conversations between flight attendants and pilots to confirm that if they want to, they should be fine to reschedule their flights for tomorrow afternoon instead without an issue.
The snow only falls faster as the uber drives them from the airport back to Beomgyu’s apartment, the streets almost empty except for plows and trucks dumping salt over the main roads. By tomorrow, the city will be alive and busy again, but nobody really wants to be out in the storm if they don’t have to be.
When they walk into Beomgyu’s apartment, Beomgyu realizes just how much he was going to miss his space, relief washing over him like a cool breeze the second he flicks on the lights in the kitchen. He shows Soobin into the living room, taking all of their luggage and leaving it at the beginning of the hallway where it will be out of their sight for a while.
Beomgyu comes back into the living room after taking a detour back into the kitchen for a snack with a container of raspberry sorbet and two spoons, plain cloth napkins draped over his forearm. He offers one of the napkins to Soobin first before sitting next to him on the couch, just a few inches separating their bodies.
“I figured if we’re leaving tomorrow, it would just be annoying to have to do dishes later.” And this is more intimate . Beomgyu doesn’t say that reason too, but he figures Soobin probably knows that now already. Over the past few hours that they’ve spent together, Beomgyu thinks they’ve talked enough about their love languages and styles of affection that they probably know each other similar to the way new lovers do.
Once again, they fall into silence, snow falling outside of the floor to ceiling windows in front of the couch they’re lounging on. They each have a hand on the container now, holding it between them as they take turns scooping out spoonfuls of the bright pink sorbet and letting it melt on their tongues before taking another bite.
They really are like lovers; Beomgyu wants them to be lovers.
“Hyung?” He sets his spoon down in the almost empty container, surrendering the last spoonful of sorbet to Soobin. Soobin hums in acknowledgement, licking all of the pink drips off of the spoon before placing it next to Beomgyu’s and taking the container out of Beomgyu’s hand so he can put it on the coffee table. “I like you.”
“We’re still just strangers-”
“ Barely strangers now.” Beomgyu corrects. He doesn’t know where the courage to confess came from– maybe it’s just the sense of familiarity between them that’s making his nerves stay calm– he’s just glad he did.
“I like you too, Beomie.” Soobin smiles softly at him, pretty pink rising to his cheeks. He’s right– they are still practically strangers– after all of the words they said to each other though, Beomgyu is pretty confident that a few dates will have them falling in love in no time. It will still be gentle though, soft and cautious as they both ease back into their emotions and relearn how to open themselves up at their own pace. He trusts Soobin already, trusts that Soobin will never push him to take the stitches out of a wound that isn’t ready to heal.
Beomgyu sees the eyelash on Soobin’s cheek first, swiping it off the soft skin with his thumb and blowing it off his finger before Soobin gets the chance to process what happened. He squints at Soobin, watching as Soobin’s expression shifts from confused to endeared as he realizes what Beomgyu did. He takes Beomgyu by surprise too, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Beomgyu’s forehead. Beomgyu giggles then, light and happy and warm, fuzz spreading through his body.
“What was that for?” Soobin asks, a fond smile forming on his lips when Beomgyu slides over so their bodies are pressed together at their sides, their fingers intertwining on instinct.
“I wished that you would kiss me, and you did.” Beomgyu says, a pretty blush appearing on his cheeks, his eyes sparkling. His heart flutters in his chest, every nerve alight with anticipation now that the barrier between them has been let down for a moment.
“Well, I kissed your forehead. Was there somewhere else you had in mind when you wished?” The air between them thickens at Soobin’s words, the playful energy shifting into something a little more serious, something a little more daunting. Truthfully, Beomgyu had just wanted Soobin to kiss him, he hadn’t specified where , but if Soobin is offering-
“Yeah,” Beomgyu is already breathless, one of his hands coming up to carefully touch Soobin’s cheek. His fingers tingle as Soobin’s warmth sinks into them, the light touch seeming more solid with every moment that passes.
“Where?” Soobin leans in, his gaze darting down to Beomgyu’s lips momentarily before he looks back up to meet Beomgyu’s eyes. Beomgyu knows that Soobin just wants to hear him say it, and he will, right after he takes a moment to feel how close they are to each other, how pleasantly incoherent he feels. He finds Soobin’s hand and takes it in his own, guiding Soobin’s fingers up to drag over his lips.
“Here,” Beomgyu whispers, and barely a second later, Soobin’s lips are on his, sticky-sweet raspberry hitting his tongue as he lets Soobin pull him closer. There’s no clawing at each other’s clothes or scratching at each other’s skin, just careful exploration of their bodies, bare skin meeting bare skin and lips traveling over curves and dips.
“I like you, hyung.” Beomgyu whispers again into Soobin’s lips as they melt into each other’s bodies, his voice sure and his words leaving no room for uncertainty.
“I like you too.”
✈️
Later that night, after they’ve both settled into Beomgyu’s apartment and eaten their fill of pizza from the place down the street, they curl up together in Beomgyu’s bed. Soobin’s hair is still slightly wet from the shower he took not too long ago, his pajamas warm and soft against Beomgyu’s cheek.
“What happens after we get to Korea?” Beomgyu traces patterns on the palm of Soobin’s hand where it rests on his stomach, watching the rise and fall of Soobin’s chest.
“You can come stay at my apartment if you want. I’ll take a day off of work, show you a few pieces of my world. We can make it a date, if you’d like.” Beomgyu hums in approval, feeling the vibration of his own voice against Soobin’s chest. This is what he deserves, this effort, this feeling of sureness. This sweet affection, this tender connection, this care for his feelings and this careful hold on his heart.
Blooming romance settles over them gently like the snow falling onto the world around them, and they drift off to sleep together with words of whispered affection on their tongues.