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“It’s not fair! I deserve to win!”
As usual, Bruce Banner was angry. Today, it was because he didn’t get to be employee of the month. Instead, Thor was chosen.
“It is fair!” Thor said. “You lost because you’re ugly, and I won, because I am so cute!”
“Yuck!" Bruce said. "Why do you think you’re cute, anyways?”
“Because I have beautiful golden hair, and sky blue eyes!” Thor said.
“Your eyes aren’t sky blue!" Bruce scoffed. “They’re this disgusting greenish-gray color.”
Thor ran away, crying.
Later that day, Bruce asked Tony Stark if they were still best friends.
“Of course!” Tony said. “We’re Science Buddies!”
“Can you do me a favor, then?”
“Yeah, sure,” Tony said. “What is it?”
“Get rid of Thor.”
“Okay," said Tony. “Hey, Thor! Wanna go out and have some fun?”
“Sure, let's go!” Thor said, smiling innocently.
“Alright!” Tony said. “Get in the car!”
Thor shoved his massive body into one Tony’s expensive, fancy cars.
“So… where are we going?” Thor asked.
“Uh… a nature hike!” Tony said, getting to the car and starting it up.
“Oh! I didn’t know you loved nature, Man of Metal!” Thor said.
“Well, I do!” Tony lied.
“Do you know what my favorite part of nature is?” Thor asked.
“No. What?”
“The sky!” Thor said. “And do you know why that is?”
“No. Why?”
“Because in the day time, it is blue, just like my eyes!”
“That’s nice.”
“My eyes are blue, right?” Thor asked.
“I don’t know,” Tony said. “I never looked at them.”
“Look at them,” Thor said.
Tony didn’t respond.
Thor clapped his hands twice in Tony’s ear. “NOW.”
“I can’t,” Tony said. “I have to keep my eyes on the road. And please don’t clap in my ear again. It’s distracting.”
“Oh, okay,” said Thor. “Can we hunt and forage on our hike of nature?”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”
“Most excellent!” Thor said. “I have always wanted to search for mushrooms!”
Tony parked the car near a forest, and the two of them got out.
Upon entering the forest, Thor almost immediately found a poisonous mushroom.
“Can I eat this?” he asked.
“You sure can, buddy!” Tony said.
Thor ate the mushroom. Within an hour, he was so sick that he fell unconscious and looked nearly dead.
Tony laughed, took a picture, and went back to the Avengers Tower to show Bruce.
“So… he’s really dead?” Bruce asked.
“Yep! Take a look!” Tony said, showing Bruce the picture.
“Oh, wow. You really did it, huh?”
“Yep! Tony said. “It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Sure…” Bruce said.
He walked away without saying anything else.
The next day, Thor woke up at Hank Pym’s house.
“Where am I?” he asked.
“You’re at my house,” Hope lied.
“Oh! How did that happen?” Thor asked.
“We were walking through the woods when we found you there, looking dead!” Hank said. “So, we bought you all the way over here!”
“Okay,” Thor said. “I feel weird…”
“Oh, no!” said Hope. “What happened?”
“I ate a funny mushroom!” Thor said. “Man of Metal said it was okay!”
“You shouldn’t ever trust him!” Hank said. “He's a liar!”
“Oh, okay,” said Thor.
“Maybe you should stay with us until you feel better!” Hope said.
“Alright,” Thor said. “Thank you.”
That night, Thor was in so much pain that he couldn’t sleep.
As he was groaning in pain, Black Widow climbed in through the window.
“Hey, cutie!” she said.
“Hey, Natasha!” Thor lied.
“Having trouble sleeping?” Black Widow asked.
“Yeah!” Thor said. “My whole body hurts!”
“Maybe a good night kiss will help!” Black Widow suggested.
Thor laughed. “We could try.”
Black Widow kissed Thor on the lips, and he fell asleep instantly.
The next day, Hope screamed. “Daddy! Help! I think he’s dead for real this time!”
“Oh, no!” Hank said. “Now what?"
At that moment, Valkyrie drunkenly climbed in through the window.
“Hiiiii…,” she said.
“Ew! Who are you? Get out of my house!” Hank said.
“But I CAN BRING HIM BACK!” Valkyrie said, holding up a tiny glass bottle.
“Oh,” said Hank. “Okay, then.”
Valkyrie opened the bottle and forced a drop of liquid into Thor’s mouth.
Thor continued looking dead.
“Oh, no! It didn’t work!” Hope cried.
“Aw, man!” said Hank. “I’m really gonna miss him!”
“Me, too!” said Valkyrie. “His sky blue eyes were so cute!”
Thor opened one of his tiny, ugly eyes.
“Did… did you say sky blue?” he asked.
“Yes, I did!” said Valkyrie.
Hope gasped. “He’s alive?!”
“Do you… do you really mean it?” Thor asked.
“Yes. I do!” said Valkyrie. “They’re the darn cutest sky blue eyes that I ever did see!”
Thor squealed and jumped out of bed. “Thank you! I love you! I love you so much!”
“I love you, too!” said Valkyrie. “Come on, now. Let’s go!”
Thor and Valkyrie left the house together, laughing and frolicking.
Bruce heard this somehow.
“Tony! I can hear Thor laughing!” he complained. “He must still be alive!”
“I will go get him,” said Iron Man.
Iron Man flew to Thor’s location.
Valkyrie looked up into the sky and laughed.
“Hey, Thor! Look at that funny-looking airplane!”
“LOL!” Thor said. “I didn’t know they made human-shaped airplanes!”
“I am not an airplane. I am Tony Stark,” Iron Man said.
“Oh! Man of Metal! Hi!” Thor said. “I missed you so much!”
“I”m going to fire my laser!” Iron Man said. “Pew! Pew!”
“Nope,” said Thor.
“What do you mean, "Nope"?” Iron Man asked.
Suddenly, a big storm started up with lightning and thunder!
“Agh! No! Not rain! I’m gonna rust!” he panicked.
Iron Man lost focus and crashed into a tree.
“Ha!” Thor laughed. “That’s what you get for trying to murder me!”
The end!