Work Text:
[~400 years ago, Inazuma]
One, two, three… Four. Four birds were flying together in the sky of Tatarasuna. Laying in front of Katsuragi’s house, the young Kabukimono had his head turned upward, facing the sky. Not a cloud was in sight. “What a beautiful day, you’re lucky that you don’t have to work today Kabukimono!” that is what Katsuragi had said to him this morning, before leaving him behind to go work himself. Usually, the young boy would follow him around, mainly helping with the physical tasks and assisting the other workers. But today, he was on a break, despite not really needing one. Unlike the other workers, physical fatigue was not something that bothered him. He could work for hours without needing to sleep or eat. Usually, Katsuragi was the one telling him it was time for him to stop. He did not want the others to start wondering how a frail little kid like him was able to achieve so much without any consequence… This is mainly how he ended up in this situation.
“Breaks are natural for humans. Today, you are free to do whatever you want. As long as you do not show up at the workplace.”
Basically, this is how his superior Nagamasa had explained the situation to him. Doing whatever he liked… The morning, after saying goodbye to Katsuragi, he had roamed around the village. There were stray cats he liked to pet, but today, they were nowhere to be found. So instead, he collected resources. Maybe with them, he could cook something for Katsuragi? In the end, he found nothing useful, and ended up feeding birds with what little he could get his hands on. And now here he was, laying there motionless as he watched them soar away freely far away from him and far away from Tatarasuna… The sun was still shining high in the sky. Katsuragi is right, the puppet thought, it is a beautiful day.
“Kabukimono!”
Oh, someone was calling his name? Footsteps were coming his way, so he fixed his sitting posture and his eyes met with Niwa’s ones as the man took place next to him.
“Were you busy counting the birds? Sorry, did I disturb you maybe?”
The younger boy was quick to shake his head in response.
“No, I was done.”
“So, how many birds have you seen so far today?”
“Only four.”
Niwa was smiling, silently agreeing with what the puppet said. When Nagamasa and Katsuragi first introduced the young boy to him, birdseeing was one of the first activities they did together. This is how Niwa learned the puppet did not actually know how to count. So, birds became an interesting learning resource for him. It was impressive how fast the young boy gained all the basic knowledge he was missing. Niwa truly was proud of him.
“Nagamasa told me you were on a break today.”
“This is correct. I am on a break.”
Niwa brought a hand to his chin, as if he was suddenly gathering some thoughts.
“Hm? What’s with that tone of voice? You do not seem happy about it.”
“I don’t mind it; it is just that… I don’t really know what to do.”
Was it a good thing? Was it a bad thing? The young Kabukimono had no idea how to properly describe his current predicament. Thankfully for him, the man next to him knew how to read him like he was an open book.
“It seems you’re experiencing boredom.”
Boredom… So this is what it was. Despite not having been able to identify it on his own, he knew what boredom was.
“Niwa… Are you bored too? Is this why you went to find me?”
He seemed to blink in confusion at this innocent accusation.
“Oh no, I’m not bored. I’m quite busy actually haha. I just saw you were sitting alone so I wanted to see if you were ok.”
A small smile creeped on the young puppet’s lips. It is true it was rare to see him without Katsuragi around. But now, he found himself craving for alone time more and more. He was growing up too fast, as the kind young deputy could say, half joking.
“Thank you for checking on me, Niwa.”
Niwa’s smile was always so bright. His artificial eyes found it brighter than the sun. He let out a small genuine laugh and ruffled his dark hair.
“You’re welcome! Now that I know that you’re bored, I am going to help you chase this boredom away.”
Didn’t he just say he was busy? The Kabukimono blinked in confusion – something he started doing after seeing Katsuragi do it so many times. But not because he was confused at the idea that Niwa was going to stay with him rather than go back to whatever task could keep him busy. No, he was confused about something he just recently noticed.
“Hey, Niwa?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you ruffle my hair?”
“Does it bother you?”
Again, the puppet shook his head in response to the man’s interrogation.
“No, I don’t mind it.”
He liked it even. But he had no idea how to properly word what he truly thought of it, so he just cleared up the fact he did not hate it before any unwanted misunderstanding could birth inside Niwa’s head.
“I was just wondering why you are doing it. I have never seen you ruffle Katsuragi’s hair like that, or even Nagamasa’s hair.”
Did he find his hair extra soft or something? As far as he was aware, it was far from being as soft as a cat’s fur. So why bother “petting” it like that? When he noticed Niwa was looking at him, clearly amused, he pouted slightly.
“What, did I say something wrong?”
“No, not at all, don’t worry. This is just so you to ask about something like that.”
The little Kabukimono was about to open his mouth again to ask what he meant by that when the older man put his hand on his hair again. This time, he did not ruffle them, he just kept it in place. His hand felt so warm against his head…
“This can be seen as a sign of affection.”
Affection… This was a positive feeling. If he had a heart, it surely would be beating maybe a bit faster. Would this be a cause for fluster? He had seen women blush in front of Niwa in the past. But he wasn’t a woman.
“Affection? So, does that mean you love me? Does that mean you’ll gift me flowers?”
Katsuragi once told him that people gave flowers to the ones they loved as a token of their affection. That day, he had witnessed a young couple exchanging flowers before trying to eat each other’s face. Regarding that second part, the kind deputy had laughed and said he would understand the appeal when he was older.
“No, I won’t… Unless you want me to?”
“It is not a good idea…”
Niwa laughed. Both of them knew Katsuragi did not fare well next to flowers. As tall and strong as the man was, his nose truly was his main weakness.
“But yes, I do care for you, Kabukimono. So in a way, I do love you”
“Love…”
He frowned, and Niwa chuckled lightly.
“You’re so serious about this.”
“Well… This is important to me. You’re important to me.”
So he wished to be able to understand this perfectly. So he could fit in. So he could protect this happiness.
“I’m glad.”
Love can take many shapes and forms. When he looked at Niwa… What exactly did he feel? Admiration? Envy? Comfort? He looked up to him, that’s for sure. In the future, he hopes he can be just like him.
“Come with me, there is something I want to show you.”
He did tell him he was busy. Could this be related to what he was doing before noticing him on his own? If Niwa needed help with something, he would gladly do his best to help. He walked behind him in silence, as he led him to what he recognized to be his home. His residence was far more imposing than the one he shared with Katsuragi. Advantages came with rank and status in this world. This is how things worked. Despite how often he liked hanging out with Niwa, the Kabukimono did not often get the chance to come here. This is where he first met Niwa. This is also where he took his first bath, if he wasn’t mistaken… This is also where he was first “named”, in a way. A lot of firsts, a lot of precious memories.
“What is that?”
They stopped in an empty room. No, empty was not the right word. A barely furnished room was a better description for it. Niwa was kneeling next to an opened wooden box. In it were a lot of wooden figures. Were they supposed to represent animals? And people?
“Can you guess what these are, Kabukimono?”
The younger boy sat on his knees next to Niwa, attentive and eager to potentially discover something new.
“Carefully crafted pieces of wood?”
“Yes… But no. These are more than just pieces of wood.”
Niwa took one in his hand.
“They’re called toys, here, take one too.”
Just like he did, Kabukimono took a “toy” out of its box, bringing it closer to his face to take a closer look at it. It seemed to have tiny wheels attached to it. With a finger, he made it spin in the air and looked at it until it finally stopped.
“What is their purpose?”
“They’re meant to entertain.”
He did not feel really entertained looking at it. No, it was a lie. He was entertained. But it was not because of the toys.
“How does it work?”
“These specific toys are destined for children. They are supposed to play with them as if they were real.”
How could anyone truly think these wooden soldiers he could see in their box could be real? Children, maybe. There were not a lot of children around here. Mostly grown men, workers, that lived away from their families but sometimes were allowed to leave to visit them. By sacrificing the time they could have spent with their loved ones, they were able to gain the precious money needed to protect their smiles… And maybe buy some of these toys, too. Which reminded him…
“Why do you have these then, Niwa? You are not a child.”
The adult smiled, looking fondly at a young looking human wooden plush he had in his hand.
“That’s because I’m going to be a father soon.”
The young Kabukimono’s eyes widened in wonder.
“A father?”
Niwa was going to be a father? So that meant he was going to have a child?
“Yes, a father. I got the good news just recently.”
So he was one of the first to know? A smile creeped on the puppet’s perfect face. A father… This meant Niwa was forming a family of his own. From what he gathered; family was an important subject for humans. On their break, the workers always spoke oh so fondly of their families, may it be their special ones or their aging parents. He was happy when others were happy. When the men gathered around him all started exchanging questions regarding the others’ families… He was glad to be able to hide behind his hot cup of tea, simply listening to them. Then, as the day was ending and he was in his room he shared with Katsuragi, lying awake on his bed, he would hug against his chest the precious gold ornament taking the shape of a feather. And he would imagine what it felt like to have a family, a silent smile on his face. A proof of identity granted by the Almighty Shogun. A gift from his creator, his mother…
“Can I be a father too?”
He wanted a family, too. A thought he decided to voice. Niwa seems surprised at this sudden interrogation. He looked at him in silence, and Kabukimono felt like he was struggling to decide what to answer.
“Why do you want to be a father? Is this because I am going to be one?”
Niwa was not blind, he knew how admirative the young boy was of him. He may have met with Katsuragi and Nagasama first… But in the end, it was hard to miss the fact that it was Niwa that left the better impression on him. This was after meeting him that he started to grow more, to talk more, and to be more willing to learn how to be a human. So, it was not surprising of him to wonder if maybe the innocent puppet only asked about it because he wanted to do just like him, and nothing else.
“I want to have a family, too.”
“Oh… Kabukimono.”
He put down the wooden doll he was holding and motioned to the younger boy to sit closer to him. He put his hand on his shoulder, the touch warm and comforting. Kabukimono looked at him in silence.
“You don’t have to be a father to have a family.”
The puppet frowned, slightly confused. A family was parents and their children, wasn’t it? As if reading him once again, Niwa continued speaking.
“Yes, a family can be two parents and their children. But children are not required to make a family. A family can be just you and the people you love and that also love you back. All members of a family do not even have to be related. A family can just be two people loving each other and finding happiness in the other’s presence...”
Kabukimono looked at him in silence for a while, the mechanical gears serving as his brain working the best they could to process what he just heard.
“You didn’t notice it, but you already have a family of your own, in a way.”
“I do?”
Niwa smiled at him kindly.
“I never fully answered your previous interrogation. About how I was only ruffling your hair…”
The younger boy nodded. Now that he mentioned it… He only said it was out of affection. But did that imply he did not care for Katsuragi or Nagamasa then? No, it felt wrong just thinking about it. Niwa was kind and everyone loved him.
“Now, how to word this…
Kabukimono looked at him with his full undivided attention. Deep in thought, the older man’s hand was on his chin again. The puppet noticed he tended to do this often.
"I never had a younger brother growing up… But I like to imagine that if I had one, he would be just like you. So, in a way, I guess I have come to see myself as a big brother of sorts when it comes to you?"
Niwa seemed embarrassed at this confession.
“This is what I meant when I said you already had a family of your own. Here, in Tatarasuna, we all care about you in our own way. But of course, you don’t have to see any of us or yourself as…”
“Niwa.”
“Yes?”
The young boy was smiling without even realizing it, looking up to meet the other man's eyes.
“Thank you.”
It was all he could say… But it truly meant a lot to him. When he first woke up alone in that domain, not really knowing anything about this world and about himself, he thought this was just going to be his life. What he was destined for. Loneliness and silence, as he laid there for all eternity, watching as fallen leaves adorned his little personal palace. But no, not anymore. Even if he still had to hide his true nature to the other workers, at least he was certain that Niwa, Katsuragi… And even Nagamasa… He was certain they all accepted him as who he was. Not as a machine, not as a human… But almost as one, like how he wanted to be, too. All these feelings, how could he properly voice them? Thankfully, these two words were enough for Niwa to properly understand him, as he always did, and as he hoped he always would.
He smiled at him.
"One day, you might want to expand your world, and have a family of your own."
Kabukimono nodded at this. A family of his own, just like Niwa, this idea was pleasing to his ear.
"Because of the way you were brought into this world, you may never be able to have children or your own. But do not let that stop you. It is not what really matters. What really matters is finding the right person to share things with. Maybe even your whole life."
Someone to share things with?
"Aren't you just describing yourself? Or Katsuragi?"
He already had them, why would he want more? He wanted to be with them always. To share everything with them. At that, Niwa laughed.
"You'll get it one day, or not, that's ok if you don't, as long as you're happy. But one day, you might meet someone you want to keep at your side, no matter what. Someone you would love in a different way you may love Katsuragi or me. Someone you might want to make a family with. A partner…"
A partner… Such a common word. But the way Niwa said it gave it a whole new meaning. A whole new weight.
“Do you have a partner too, Niwa?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Are they the one you’re having a child with?”
“Yes, they are.”
An innocent smile blossomed on the Kabukimono’s gentle face.
“I see…”
Looking at him, Niwa couldn’t help but chuckle. As expected of him, behind his inexperience and innocence at first glance, the young puppet was cleverer than he looked. Seeing him grow up and slowly start blossoming in the human world was a sight he would never be tired of. Previously in his own thoughts, the younger boy glanced at him curiously with a little smile. Ah, he must have been starring.
Shrugging away all the potential worries about the future that recently clouded his mind, Niwa smiled back at him, and introduced him to more of the toys he had gathered in his little box.
In the warmth and comfort of Niwa’s home, they sat together for a while. Until the older man finally stood up.
“Sorry, I must go. I have a meeting.”
He announced to the curious puppet. He did say previously that he was busy… Could it be that he spent the time he should have used to prepare this meeting to play around with him instead? Niwa was too kind for his own good.
“Oh, and before I leave…Go ahead and keep playing! I know you’re curious about the toys. This should be enough to kill your boredom for now. Stay here as long as you want.”
He was about to open his mouth to say it was ok, that he was no longer bored but Niwa beat him to it, a smile on his face.
“...And I wasn’t asking by the way!”
He was not asking? So, it was an order then? He blinked at him in confusion, before looking at the toys. When he looked back at Niwa, he was already gone. Wasn’t today supposed to be a free day for him? He sighed, amused. Niwa would probably get angry at him if he found him sitting alone outside again when returning from his meeting. Guess he had no choice then…
When he looked back once more at the toys, he imagined Niwa playing with his future child. Another genuine smile illuminated his face.
A family, uh…?
[Present days, Liyue]
“Are you looking at the birds?”
The sea breeze carried humidity with it, but the young-looking Wanderer did not mind it. Sitting on the sand at the Yaoguang Shoal, he was not surprised when a familiar voice disturbed his silence. He was expecting it. Kaedehara Kazuha casually sat next to him, a calm smile on his gentle face.
“No, I was looking at the clouds.”
Kazuha hummed. He turned his eyes to the sky as well.
"Was it one thought that drew him to my dreams? Had I known it a dream, one would have not awakened."
The Wanderer's attention left the clouds to turn to the newly arrived wandering samurai.
"Poetry?"
"Yes. Not mine, though. It is a popular poem in Inazuma. It reminds me of you. So, the moment felt suited for it."
He chuckled slightly, looking at him. The older boy did not ask for any explanation but Kazuha still indulged him.
"Your lonely silhouette sitting here at the beach, face turned to the sky. If it isn't the kind of stuff that would be straight out of a dream?"
Or straight out of a nightmare for some people, he thought, amused. What a cheesy thing to say. Not a big surprise coming from him. Kazuha was always so calm, so serene. Being with him sometimes was enough to make the former Harbinger forget about some of the hatred he still held for this world. Only someone like him could convince him to give this world another chance. No, it was a lie, the Dendro Archon could, too. But it was different when it was coming from Kazuha. One meant second chance, the other one, in a way, redemption…
The puppet closed his eyes, feeling the breeze ruffle slightly his artificial hair untouched by time. If he was here today, it mainly was because he was forced to be. An unwilling vacation of sorts, given to him by the Dendro Archon herself. The little lady had told him he deserved one… And that she did not want him in Sumeru anymore. If he did not know better, he could almost believe she was trying to get rid of him. But the oh so wise Nahida had plans for him by doing that, she always did. She wanted him to spend time with people that were not her or the Traveler. And since she explicitly told him to not stay in Sumeru… She must have had Kazuha in mind all along. Maybe he should never have told her that he dreamed of him recently.
Kazuha spoke again, and any thought of the Dendro Archon and her little schemes vanished from his mind.
“It appears a storm is coming tonight; did you feel it too?”
“Yes.”
The Wanderer felt it, too. This was the kind of sixth sense that came with the life of a wanderer. Always living in the moment, often without a roof over your head. The ability to read the slight shift in the world around you was required for this lifestyle. And it naturally included any upcoming shift in the weather. How sad, this day started out so beautifully.
“You’re staying with me tonight.”
An affirmation from the young samurai, leaving no room for argument. But it of course never stopped the Wanderer.
“I’m not afraid of thunder and rain, don’t bother. I can manage.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
The Wanderer could not help himself. He chuckled and this got the attention of his companion.
“What?”
“It’s nothing. You’re just like him sometimes.”
“Like who? My ancestor?"
His smile fell, his amusement replaced by annoyance.
“I know you do not like to talk about this… But what was he like?”
The Wanderer knew it wasn’t the real question he wanted to ask, but he was in a good mood anyway, so he decided to humor him… Despite it indeed being a subject he tried avoiding around him for so long. Ironic, when it was what brought them together in the first place.
“He was… Kind. Attentive, patient, good with words… I remember finding him to be the perfect role model.”
He found him “cool”. Cool and perfect. Popular too. Everyone wanted his attention; it wasn’t only him. But looking back, Niwa Hisahide was far from perfect. He would not have confronted Dottore in disguise alone that day if he truly was perfect.
“I wanted to be just like him.”
"Do you still want to be like him?"
Somehow… Was there still a future where he could become the person his childhood-self wished to one day be? Could he still be like him? No, Kazuha was asking the important question here. Did he still want to be like Niwa?
"No, I don't."
Kazuha smiled.
"I'm glad."
“Why?”
He must have noticed a slight annoyance in his glare because he just laughed at him, annoying him somehow a bit more. What was with him? He just told him how great he thought Niwa was, and he was glad he did not want to be like that anymore? What kind of reaction was that?
“Because, all these traits you just listed… They don’t really sound like you at all. Don’t get me wrong, I do find you to be kind, patient and good with words too.”
The Wanderer looked at him in silence, waiting for him to finish exposing his train of thought.
“But you’re all that in your own personal way. The picture you seemed to be painting of him from your memory… This is what feels oh so unlike you in my eyes. And I never wish for you to force yourself to become someone you’re not just to please others… Or to please someone you’re not anymore.”
He kept staring at him in silence. Kaedehara Kazuha really held a mysterious power. How could he say things like that with such a serene and calm look on his face. He still wondered how he managed to find kindness in him… Maybe because he too, was letting go of his past to focus on the future. A past and a future… Something they both shared and could share.
“My ancestor… What was your relationship with him?”
Now, that was the question he was expecting. And from the way Kazuha was looking at him, he knew that he was expecting it.
“For a long time… Niwa Hisahide was someone I hated. No…”
Hate was the wrong word to use… What he felt towards him for all these years was far more complex than simple hate. He never really managed to fully hate him. He felt betrayed and used. Someone he thought loved him genuinely… Secretly being disgusted by his very existence from the start… How could someone lie about this with a straight face like that? His nonexistent heart had been broken. The second betrayal of his life. A scar that only recently healed when confronted with the hard truth.
“...He was someone I thought I hated.”
His feelings were misguided… His so-called revenge was a childish attempt to move on from the broken hopes and dreams of his youth. Against the white sand of the beach, his hand grew tense, fingers curled into a fist. He barely felt Kazuha putting his hand on his.
“But the truth is… He was my friend. My family.”
“I never had a younger brother growing up… But I like to imagine that if I had one, he would be just like you.”
Having calmed down, he moved his hand away from Kazuha’s one, looking at him in the eyes.
“Was that the answer you were hoping for?”
The younger boy only shook his head.
“I wasn’t hoping for anything in particular, I was just curious about it.”
“Were you scared I was only imagining him when looking at you?”
“No, I was not.”
“What if I told you this is what I have been doing from the start?”
“You’re free to do what you want. This will not change how I see you.”
The Wanderer bit his bottom lips. He was supposed to be the one without a heart here… Yet here he was, being the most emotional one of the two, as always. He truly did not need a heart to have many unwanted feelings, both good and bad. Why was he always letting his emotional mask down when he was with him? This was unfair. Kaedehara Kazuha truly was unfair. He was too kind for his own good… And way too good to be spending so many times with him. To allow himself to feel so much for him.
“Don’t be mistaken, Kazuha. You’re not my friend. You may be his family but you’re not my family. You're not Niwa and you'll never be him.”
He felt the boy next to him flinch for a moment. The Wanderer did not mean for his voice to come out of his mouth sounding that aggressive.
“You’re my partner.”
Like it or not. Back then, Niwa did forget to mention that in order to call someone one’s partner… The feeling must go both ways. It was something he came to learn on his own. But when it came to Kazuha, this second question did not need to be answered. It would not change how he viewed him, nor how he felt. Relief was easily read on the wandering samurai’s face at this declaration, and it sent warmth to his own chest.
Without any hesitation, the Wanderer leaned down and kissed him. He was driven by instinct, something he felt was meant to happen after such a declaration. Maybe he was afraid this simple word only meant something for him… Because of what Niwa said. That moment he shared with him back then… He had all but forgotten about it, until his recent descent into Irminsul. So, he kissed him in order to clarify the nature of his affection. He kissed away the previous tension still lingering, too.
When his lips left his, he put his forehead against his, not yet ready for this newfound closeness to end. He looked deep inside the red eyes that were looking back at him just as intensely.
“Kazuha?”
“Yes, Kuni?”
He smiled.
“I love you.”
He was home.