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Hearing the familiar chime of Leblanc’s bell is a welcome comfort to Ren as he and Futaba return to the small, homely café.
Their earlier altercation with Dr. Maruki had left them tired and emotionally drained. Yet, even so…
Their whole way back to the store, Ren couldn’t help but wonder:
Are we doing the right thing? Will we really be okay, going back to our reality…?
Tempting as it may seem on the surface, they simply cannot accept this reality he’s offering them, at the exchange of living under his thumb. He would hand them their desires on a silver platter, but rob them of the ability to strive for their dreams, and steal away their right to actually live for themselves.
Sure, they’d feel happy… like dolls living in a dollhouse, blissfully unaware of their own impotence.
A reality so distinct from Yaldabaoth’s, yet no different at all.
Besides, Ren had already seen the flaws lurking in hidden corners of the system. People were escaping their pain and their trauma, not overcoming them. Maruki was surgically removing their problems from their lives, without actually solving the underlying issues that lead to them in the first place.
And the fact that the others had ultimately chosen to come to his aid and face the truth, instead of choosing to continue living their seemingly perfect, ideal lives, is evidence that Maruki doesn't know what their hearts truly desire, probing into cognition be damned.
Ren decides, then, that they made the right choice.
But… that doesn't mean it was an easy one to make, or that it was a painless one. Not for him, and definitely not for his friends.
As Sojiro hears the two walk in, he looks up from behind the counter.
“Yo, welcome back. I didn’t know you guys were out together.”
It takes a moment for the older man to notice the look on Futaba’s face. “Wait, what’s wrong, Futaba?”
“… Hey, Sojiro?” She speaks with the barest hint of hope in her voice, eyes downcast. “Is Mom…?”
“Mom? You mean, Wakaba?” He pauses, confused. “Well… What about her?”
She looks up, eyes wide in understanding. Ren concludes from his tone that Wakaba is gone, once again, and it seems Futaba has come to the same conclusion.
They both knew it was coming, and it wasn’t at all unexpected, but…
It hurts, to see the change in her eyes as the truth sets in. To see her register that she has lost her mother a second time.
“Uhh… nah! It’s nothing,” she quickly attempts to drop the subject, "It’s just, I happened to remember something about her, that’s all!”
“I see… Okay then.” He rubs the back of his neck, a sad smile on his face. “Y’know, I caught myself thinking about her earlier too. Odd coincidence, huh?”
He can hear the hitch in her breath as her eyes return to the floor, a pain in them that Sojiro would not be able to understand. At least, not until some day when all this was over, and they could tell him the story of a reality that never was.
“Well, I’m gonna head home for the night. How about you, Futaba?”
“Hmm… I’m gonna stick around a bit longer.”
“I see. Don’t stay out too late, all right?” He looks towards Ren. “The place is all yours. You’ve got school tomorrow too, so get to bed at a reasonable time.”
He nods, and with that, Sojiro exits the store, leaving them alone with their thoughts.
Futaba turns to sit at one of the tables, looking down at its smooth surface intensely. Ren takes the seat opposite to her, and Morgana pushes out of his bag to quietly slink up the stairs, likely intending to simultaneously give her some space to think and do some thinking of his own.
They sit in a heavy silence for a while, neither quite certain what to say. Eventually, however, she speaks up in a somber tone.
“Mom really is gone again… Sojiro sees it that way too, now.”
She pauses, then suddenly looks up at him. “O-Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you what happened before we came to rescue you!” Not-so-subtly masking her pain with a change of topic, she continues, “We all ended up here at the same time after you left for Odaiba…”
As she recounts her story and he hears about the resolve of his friends, desperately grasping for the harsh truth that their hearts were so intent on hiding from them, then unanimously rushing to his aid the first moment they could, his heart swells with pride and admiration.
His friends had always stuck so firmly to their ideals, and though they had fallen prey to Maruki’s delusions for a while, Ren knew he could count on them to make the right choice in the end.
“Once we got to Odaiba, we spotted the Palace – you know how the rest goes.” As her account of things comes to a close, she looks back down at the table.
“… You were fighting this whole time, weren’t you? While I was just bumming around town without a care… I’m sorry. Deep down, I always suspected something strange was happening… Something wrong. But being with my mom was so much fun, I just… stopped trying to figure it out.” He opens his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off.
“Ah,” she gives a furious shake of her head, brows creased. “But I’ve totally snapped out of it now, thanks to you, Ren! I’m all good now!”
The inflection in her tone betrays her words, and it’s not hard to see through her hastily put-up façade.
… In terms of ‘snapping out of it,’ yes, she’s fine. But she is very obviously not ‘all good now’ at all.
“Futaba…” He lightly shakes his head. “It’s okay if this is painful.”
Her eyes widen, and she fails to hide the tremble in her voice. “D-Don’t worry! I’m fine… with…”
She trails off pitifully, then hastily clambers out of her seat, standing with her face towards the door.
“School’s tomorrow, right?” The waver in her voice only intensifies, despite her efforts. “You better not stay up late; you might end up oversleeping…”
As she begins making to leave, he stands up from his own seat and calls out to her. “Futaba, hold on.”
She freezes in place, and a moment later, just barely turns her head in his direction.
“Wh-What is it?”
The last time Futaba had had her life torn away from her, she had been unable to grieve, misled by the world into feeling unworthy of love or life. She’d been scared, and heartbroken, and so painfully alone…
And Ren would do his damn best to make sure she never had to feel that way, ever again.
“Look over here. Please.”
For a moment, he thinks she didn’t hear him. But then she turns around fully, watery eyes glued to the floor and fingers gripping the sleeves of her sweater.
He doesn’t want to pressure her too much if she needs a moment, so instead of saying anything, he just opens his arms wide and considers her with a look free from judgement.
She seems to consider her options for a bit, torn between either accepting his offer or bolting out the door. The choice is hers – he wouldn’t fault her for pushing him away, but he does hope he can help lighten her burden, even a little bit.
In the end, though, she slowly creeps forwards on her own, gaze still lowered and arms hanging at her sides. She comes to a halt just within his reach.
He wraps his arms around her, one around her back and the other behind her head, and gently pulls her in.
After a brief moment, she begins, voice muffled and just barely above a whisper. “I loved my mom, Ren… I loved her so, so much.”
“I know.” He matches his volume with hers. “And I may not have gotten to know her for very long, but just by seeing the two of you… even I could tell that you were the most precious thing in the world, to her.”
She takes a deep, shaky breath.
“…Every day, I wished Mom would be here with me again, even for just a little while. And for the past week… I got that wish. I got to see her again… and she was just like I remember. She was so nice, a-and caring, and… she really, really loved me…
“I don’t want to accept this reality, Ren… a-and I won’t. B-but… I-it hurts… It hurts s-so much… to have to l-lose her again…!”
A choked sob escapes her throat, and Ren clutches her a little tighter.
“You’re doing your very best, Futaba,” he whispers sadly into her hair, “She would be proud.”
Her breath hitches, and suddenly, like a barrier breaking open, a heavy sob racks her small body. Then another, and another.
The tears flow unimpeded now as she cries and sobs and wails, calling out helplessly for a twice-lost mother who could never again answer. He holds her trembling frame tight as she cries futilely in pain and hurt and sorrow – at the world that had taken so much from her, then given it back, only to tear it away yet again.
He feels wetness forming in his own eyes, and he laments in the back of his mind how she had never been able to let out her misery like this, after Wakaba’s death. What with the abuse she had to suffer for so long, so utterly alone, all the while believing herself to be the reason for her mother’s apparent suicide.
Rivals or not and promised rematch be damned, Ren is going to make sure that Goro Akechi personally makes amends for this, once this is all over. Even if it takes him his whole life.
He continues holding her for a long while, and as her sobs finally die down and gradually reduce to wet sniffles, she shakily mumbles into his shirt.
“I thought… I thought I was over this. I thought I was done being so weak… I guess I must be pretty pathetic, huh?”
“You’re not pathetic,” he shakes his head, “If anything, you’re really, really strong, Futaba. Even after going through so much, all on your own, you still came out of it so bright, so resolute. I don’t know of anyone else as brave or as strong as you.
“And, it’s not weak to cry. It’s not weak to mourn for those we love. That just proves that our love for them is real. And even if those people move on from our lives, that love will never change.”
She sniffles again, then nods slightly. “Yeah… Y-you’re right. Thanks, Ren.”
A moment later, she pushes lightly against his chest, and he lets her go.
Hastily rubbing away at her tears, she looks up at him hopefully.
“Hey, um, I know it’s pretty late and all, but… Do you think I can hang out with you a little longer?”
He laughs airily. “Whatever happened to going to bed early so I don’t oversleep?”
She pouts and lets out a grumble. “C’mon, please? I’m sure one late night couldn’t hurt that much! And…”
She diverts her gaze to some spot on the floor, twiddling her thumbs. “I… I don’t really wanna be alone, right now.”
… A late night probably isn’t the best idea, what with it being the first day back for the third semester, and the increased scrutiny that comes with his criminal record…
But they’ve been through a lot today, and Ren thinks they could do well with a little time to wind down.
Besides, he’s run off of less sleep before, for less urgent matters. If he could do it for exams, he can do it for Futaba.
“Tell you what. I picked up some games from Akiba back in December, but I never got the chance to play them, what with everything going on…” He smirks, hands in his pockets. “How about we crash in my room with some coffee and videogames, tonight?”
Seeing the huge smile that lights up her face is, in his opinion, more than worth the loss of sleep.
“Yesss!” She pumps her fists in excitement. “Thanks, Ren, you’re the coolest! Gaming marathon, here we come!”
“Oh, but you’re doing all of my chores this weekend.”
It’s almost comical how quickly her expression does a one-eighty. ‘Doing his chores’ constitutes actually waking up early enough to help out around Leblanc – on a Sunday, no less – and she knows it.
“Oof… I take it back, you’re just a demon in disguise… But alright, it’s a deal!”
“Great,” he ruffles her hair in equal parts triumph and sympathy, “Let’s go get cleaned up.”
-----
After updating Sojiro and changing into their more comfortable clothing (Futaba had stashed a bunch of her loungewear in some corner of the attic, after their last sleepover), they gather behind the counter to prepare the coffee.
She had been pretty excited while taking stock of Ren’s acquired merchandise, approving of most of the titles, but her expression seemed to drop a short while afterwards.
She watches him silently from his side as he looks through the selection of beans, eventually settling on something decent, before grinding them up, pouring in the water, and adjusting the burner. They stand together in silence, waiting for brew to heat up.
She looks like she has something on her mind, but doesn’t say anything. He’s just about to ask her about it, though, when she speaks up on her own.
“Hey, Ren…? Can I tell you… something important?”
He turns towards her to give her his full attention. “What’s up?”
“Um, well. First of all,” she takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“… I’m sorry.”
He tilts his head to the side. “Sorry for what?”
She keeps her eyes locked on the dark liquid, still warming up in the flask. “Last year, I made a promise to help you whenever you were in trouble. For your sake, and for mine. But then, I… I just forgot all about it, when you really needed it.”
He thinks back to that conversation they had and recalls the vow she made, and it feels more like a lifetime ago than just a few months.
“You didn’t forget about it, though. Even though it was hard, you made yourself remember, and in the end, you were fighting by my side. What really matters is that you’re helping right now.”
A heavy sigh escapes her chest. “Yeah, that’s true, and I am gonna help fight back… I’m part of the Phantom Thieves, right? I feel the same way as everyone else. But…” She furrows her brows.
“I knew this whole… perfect reality, thing, wasn’t actually real. I figured that out a while ago. But I thought… if I got to see my mom again, then it was okay… And the whole time, you were out there, risking your life against Dr. Maruki for our sakes…”
She wraps her arms around herself and shakes her head furiously. “I’m so selfish! That whole time, I was just thinking about what I wanted! Even after everything you did for me, I just… ignored all of it! And you’re mad, I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”
Ren slowly but deliberately shakes his head. “I’m… not mad.”
She narrows her eyes, disbelieving. “Don’t lie to me. You’re mad at me; you have to be. Why wouldn’t you be!?” Her volume is rising, but she sounds more frustrated at herself than at him. “I betrayed you! Don’t you get that!?”
“Calm down, Futaba. You didn’t betray me.” He brings a hand up to pat at her head, and despite her anger, she relaxes slightly at his touch. “It’s like I said. What I really care about is that in the end, you did come to help me. You stuck to what you really believed in, even if it was difficult.”
She sighs again, and the rest of the tension escapes her body. “… Sorry. I guess I’m still a little freaked out. This isn’t even what I wanted to talk about… There’s something else I wanted you to hear, too.” She turns her attention back down to her hands. “Can I… um, is it cool if I say it?”
He nods. “Go ahead.”
“So, like… Dr. Maruki’s reality isn’t, totally, one-hundred percent illusion, right?”
“That’s right.”
“So… that means I really did get to see my mom again. It was actually, really her…” She takes a deep, stabilizing breath. “She was so nice, Ren… Just like she used to be.”
“… I’m glad you got to see her again.”
She nods, a sad smile on her face. “Me too. But I guess I won’t get to stay with her. I know… I mean, I know, now, that this is all in my head. But I wanted to talk with her more. Go on shopping trips and stuff…”
Her lips pull down into an uneasy frown. “I dunno, just… I wish I had more time with her.”
Her words stir up pain and ambivalence in his heart – different from his thoughts from before. Not thoughts of whether or not they’re doing the right thing, because on that front, he’s certain, now, that they are.
But rather, how it would have been easier, less painful, to live in blissful ignorance of the truth.
Maybe it was selfish of him, to have forced his friends to remember.
“… Do you regret the choice that we made?”
Her eyes suddenly shoot up to lock with his, and in the moment of silence, he can see a whirl of conflicting emotions swirling around behind them – pain, hope, longing, and many more he can’t put a name on – and he suddenly regrets springing the question on her so abruptly.
Ultimately, however, the storm settles down to reveal just one sentiment: a firm resoluteness.
“No… I don’t. I’ve made my decision.”
There’s not an ounce of doubt present in her words, and Ren suddenly realizes that he truly, genuinely admires just how tenacious she is.
Seeing her try so hard, he chastises himself for ever doubting her. Futaba wouldn’t cave under the pressure, so this was no time for him to start hesitating, either.
She looks like she’s got more to say, though, and seems to be contemplating her words. In the meantime, he busies himself with tending to the now-boiling coffee, taking it off the heat and pouring out a steaming cup for each of them.
They shift over to sitting at one of the booths again. After a short while, she continues, eyeing the cup in front of her.
“I know I already said this, but… I don’t want to accept this reality. It’s been on my mind ever since we left Odaiba, and… I just can’t accept it.
“We fought so hard to save the whole world from that Yaldabaoth guy, all because he was trying to control our cognition and take away everyone’s free will. And now, Dr. Maruki’s doing the same thing, just in a different way… In his reality, we’d be just like- like NPC’s! No real thoughts of our own, just… following whatever path he chooses for us. That’s how it was until now, anyways…
“And everything we’ve done so far, everything we’ve been through together, all the things you helped me overcome… it’d all be gone, just like that. Like none of it ever happened.”
Finally, she lifts her head to face him, and there’s a fierce intensity in her gaze. “I don’t want that. I still love my mom, more than anything. And knowing that she’s gone… It hurts. For so long, I was just drowning in that pain.” She clenches her fists on the table in front of her, determination evident in her earnest eyes.
“But then, everyone helped me see light in the world again! You helped me get through my pain, and turn it into the resolve to really live my life again, even if Mom’s not here with me.”
Ren closes his eyes and hums in quiet agreement, but his heart is silently overflowing with pride and affection.
“… Look at my little sister, all grown-up and mature now.”
As she stumbles over a response, embarrassed by his blunt, endearing proclamation, he attempts a too-large sip of his coffee. He is punished for his haste with a painfully scalded tongue, and a cackle at his misfortune from across the table.
She looks thoughtfully into the dark fluid in her own cup, letting out an exhale. “… Even if I won’t get to see my mom anymore… If I can manage to keep working hard and moving forward, like I was doing in our reality… Then I… I think she’d be proud of me.”
“… I’m sure she already is,” he has to take a moment to ground himself, lest the pressure building behind his own eyes manage to push its way free. She really has come so far. “You’re doing great, Futaba.”
“Y-Yeah! Um… Thanks.” She brings her cup to her lips to take a much more cautious sip, and seems to find the flavour satisfactory.
“… If Mom were here, she wouldn’t want me to run away from the truth. She’d tell me to hold my head high, and to face the world head-on… So that’s what I’m gonna do. And if she could see that I was working hard, being a part of the group… I think she’d be really happy for me.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” He smiles warmly at her, and she responds in kind.
“I’ve been thinking really hard, these past few months. Wondering how I’d want Mom to see me. And I think I finally figured it out. I want to be someone who keeps looking ahead – someone who never stops improving. I’m going to live my life again, and keep being strong. For my mom… For Sojiro… And for you, Ren.
“This time, I’ll do what I can to protect you. And everyone else, too. I’m done letting other people control my life,” her eyes are bright and determined, and there’s not a hint of doubt or hesitancy in them.
“So, let’s go back to our own reality. The reality where we can beat anything the world throws at us, as long as we have each other… The reality my mom gave me.”
Suddenly, her eyes drift closed and her face relaxes, and it’s as though something profound changes and evolves inside her soul. In a fleetingly brief yet critical moment, he can practically see the power and hope within her heart, morphing and coalescing into a steely, unshakable resolve.
Futaba has made her choice. She’s going to continue pressing onward and braving the storm of life, doing her very best with friends and family at her side. She’s going to live a life that her mother would be proud of – the life she gave her, free from the delusions or control of another.
And just as suddenly as it comes, the moment passes. She opens her eyes and exhales forcefully, and it’s like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of her chest.
“… Thanks for listening to all that... I feel a lot better now. Master Futaba has reached full recovery! Get ready for perfect navigation, no matter what we’re up against!”
He can’t help but crack a smile at her enthusiasm. “A bold claim, Master Futaba.”
She grins widely, pleased at his playing along with her antics. “What can I say! I’m my mom’s daughter!”
Abruptly, she gets out of her seat, pumping her fists in the air. “Now, come on already! I’m gonna totally wreck you in Train of Life!”
“Oh, you’re on.” Ren is sacrificing a night of sleep for this, so he’s not holding anything back.
… Admittedly, there’s not much to hold back in a party game like this one, but that’s besides the point. “You’d better not underestimate me.”
“Hah, don’t get too cocky!” Suddenly, she chugs the remainder of her now-lukewarm coffee and makes a mad dash for the stairs, calling out to him deviously from the bottom step. “Last one there gets the bad controller!”
A warm laugh bubbles out of his chest. Resigning himself to the handicap (at least for the first few rounds), he finishes his own drink and takes some time to wash their cups and close up shop.
As he makes his way up to the attic, his mind wanders…
Defeating Dr. Maruki isn’t going to be easy, and Ren expects that returning to their true reality is still going to be painful, determined as they are to see it through.
But, like Futaba, he’s going to stand tall with his friends by his side, firm conviction uniting their hearts.
He reaches the top of the stairs, and his chest fills with fondness as his eyes fall upon Futaba excitedly rambling at a disgruntled Morgana, disturbed from his slumber yet clearly listening to her every word.
He’s curled up next to her on the couch, now pulled out in front of the television, and when she sees Ren come in, she makes room for him on her other side. She hurriedly motions him over, eager to begin.
Ren takes a moment to appreciate that, in spite of his probation and everything else that’s happened in this past year… he’s found a place to belong, in this little family that he’s come to care for so deeply.
As he relaxes into his seat and takes the inferior controller, Train of Life’s title screen coming into view and Futaba – his little sister – leaning into his side, Ren thinks…
We’re going to be just fine.
---
The next day, Sojiro can’t help but smile fondly when he finds the two slumbering teenagers and their cat, staving off the cold winter morning by nestling into each other on the couch. He huffs a gruff, but doting, sigh.
Should’ve figured they’d just spend the whole night playing games. Hopefully the kid won’t be dozing off too much in class, today.
There’s still some time before he’ll need to wake them up for the day, so he shuts off the television and drapes a blanket over them, taking a moment to examine their serene faces.
Though they’re heaped in an uncomfortable-looking tangle of limbs, their breathing is steady and peaceful, and he doesn’t think he’s seen either of the two sleeping so soundly before.
… They look a lot like a pair of siblings, huddled together like this. They’re certainly tight-knit enough to pass as such, anyhow.
He’s just glad they’re able to get along so well and find comfort in each other’s presence. They’ve both been through a lot, so he knows damn well they could use it.
As he quietly descends the stairs, he believes that Wakaba would be proud, if she could see her brave little girl so happy with her big brother and her new friends. He’ll have to remember to tell her all about it, the next time they go to visit her grave.
…
…
…
Hm. Her big brother, huh?
Somehow, only now does the thought occur to him that by proxy, he could call himself a father of two… and it’s not an unpleasant thought. In fact, it might actually be nice, adopting the headstrong, kind-hearted kid, really calling him his own…
Something like that might have little chance of ever happening, but he wonders, briefly, what Ren might think of the idea.