Chapter Text
"Did you find it, Mikey?!"
Mikey popped out of the kitchen cupboard and shook his head sadly. Raph scratched his head and turned to April. She shrugged.
"No luck in the living room either. Where do you guys put all the glue?"
"Raph doesn't know either," he sighed.
"Awwww! We're never gonna get to do arts & crafts now!" Mikey threw his hands in the air and sank to his knees, puppy dog eyes big and shiny with tears.
"It's okay, big guy, we can just do something else—"
"I wanted to make a paper mache dinosaur with a paper mache trampoline for Barry!" Mikey cried out sadly, putting his head in his hands. April patted Mikey's back in comfort.
"Well… what about Donnie's lab? We haven't looked there yet."
Mikey gasped and shot up, eyes shining with excitement.
"Donnie! That's right! He has glue, doesn't he? That FAB stuff we used for our bonding activity before!"
"That was what that stuff you guys used was? When you wrecked the museum rolling around like a wrecking ball?"
Raph crossed his arms and furrowed his brows.
"I don't know, Mike. Isn't that stuff a little strong for paper mache? Raph wants a teddy bear, not a rock."
Mikey waved him off, already bounding upstairs toward Donnie's lab.
"We can just dilute it!"
"The boys still haven't texted you back?" April asked as they trailed behind Mikey. Raph sighed and checked his phone again.
"Nah. They never check their phones when they go out on twin nights. They got into another fight earlier and Leo wanted to show Don some kind of mystic birdy pouch at Hueso's to make up. Said it was warm."
April made a face.
"...okaaay. Well, you think Dee will be cool with us looking for glue in his lab?"
Mikey popped up between them.
"Pfft. What he won't know, won't hurt him~ Now come on! Time to get our arts and crafts on, baby!"
The three ducked into Donnie's lab and poked around, thoughtfully popping up between work tables and prodding blueprints on the wall. Mikey looked under a hologram hovering over one of Donnie's desks while Raph rolled by behind him on two of Donnie's spinny chairs, staring at the ceiling. April poked at a flask on a counter suspiciously. Her eyes caught on a door. She turned on her phone's flashlight and smiled victoriously.
"Aha!" The boys glanced over and April gestured to the sign on the door stating 'Supply Closet.' "Supplies, supplies, boys! Let's boogey!"
Raph and Mikey slid next to her, rubbing their hands together in anticipation, and heaved at the door. They frowned and looked down at a panel on the wall flashing a red lock symbol.
"Awwww, why's Donnie got to put a lock on everything?" Mikey whined.
"It's like he doesn't trust us," Raph huffed.
"Step aside. April's got this."
April pushed the brothers away, cracked her knuckles, and wiggled her fingers. She grabbed her bat but then paused. She tapped once at the panel and raised a brow.
"It just wants a password. No voice recognition or body scan or nothing."
Raph and Mikey looked over her shoulders curiously.
"Oh."
The brothers shuffled forward to hover over April.
"Try Bootyyyshaker9000. Capital b and three y's in booty."
April looked over her shoulder and raised a brow. Mikey and Raph grinned.
"For real. He told us himself when we were FAB bonding," Mikey told her.
"You know how much Donnie loves to dance," Raph chuckled in amusement.
April snorted and dutifully typed it in.
"Incorrect password. Access denied," Donnie's voice told them blandly. The three exchanged a look, but then the panel flashed again.
"Password hint."
April raised a brow.
"Don's giving hints now?"
Raph snapped his fingers.
"Oh, right. Last time Shelly tried to kill us, Raph told Donnie locked doors are bad, and he needed to at least put hints for Raph on all the security stuff."
Mikey and April gave him thumbs-ups as he smiled proudly.
"Good call, Raph!"
"Tap," Mikey said as he tapped the panel.
"Password hint: 'Favorite sibling.'"
The three gasped in sync, reeling away from the door.
"What did it say?!" Mikey asked, pointing an accusing finger at the panel.
"Password hint: 'Favorite sibling,'" Donnie's voice dutifully repeated.
They gasped again, hugging each other in shock.
"He knows we don't do favorites," April gaped.
"The power's gone to Donnie's head!" Mikey hissed, "Man's gone deep into the evil genius schtick!"
April and Raph shook their heads in appalled disapproval at the panel.
Raph tapped at the panel. It changed to the screen asking for a password. He exchanged a look with the other two and hesitated.
"...who should I put first?"
Mikey and April looked at each other and then back at Raph.
"Well… who do you guys think is Donnie's fave?" April said.
Mikey slowly raised his hand.
"Me, right?"
April and Raph gave him flat looks. He winked, striking a dramatic pose in a sudden spotlight.
"What?"
The spotlight turned off and he appeared on an empty work table, lounging gracefully like he was posing for a Greek artist.
"I can't help it that I'm so cute and lovable."
Without a word, April turned to the panel and typed in his name.
"Incorrect password. Access denied."
April and Raph wordlessly turned around to face Mikey.
Mikey gasped and grabbed his face in betrayed horror. The spotlight turned off and he appeared again on his knees on the ground, looking up into the light.
"Why, Donnie?! Why?!"
April turned back to the panel and put a hand on her chin.
"Well, if it's not Mikey, it has to be me, right?"
Raph and Mikey raised a judgemental brow at her. She shrugged and leaned her weight on one hip as she tapped at her chin.
"I mean, it makes sense when you think about it. It says 'sibling' not 'brother.' You know how much Dee likes semantics. Besides, we're best friends."
With a nod, agreeing with her own train of thought, April confidently typed in her name.
"Incorrect Password. Access denied."
April sat in the corner with Mikey, knees hugged to their chests and facing the wall. Raph patted their heads sympathetically.
"Just because you're not his favorite, doesn't mean he doesn't love you—"
"Just type in your name, Raph!"
The red turtle held his hands up in surrender.
"Hey, it isn't my fault Donnie loves his big bro. We just have a strong bond. A close relationship. He knows that he can rely on me, y'know?"
"Incorrect Pass—"
Raph punched the panel. The three stood mutely, considering the shut door.
"...I say we wreck it," Raph muttered.
"Agreed." April tapped her bat into her hand, eyes gleaming with murderous intent.
"You can't!" Mikey exclaimed before they could go ham on the reinforced titanium door. "If we break it, we'll never know the password!"
"So?" Raph asked.
"So, we'll never know who Donnie's favorite is!"
They paused and April tapped at the panel. They frowned.
"'Too many attempts?' It won't let us try again until tomorrow."
"But I need to know now! How am I going to sleep at night knowing Donnie has a favorite mystery sibling out there doing who knows what?! What color are they?! Pink?! Are they even a ninja?!"
April put her hands on her hips while Raph crossed his arms.
"Well, you don't know that Don has a secret sibling. We didn't try Leo's name…"
No one said anything for a long moment. Then they burst into laughter at once and stopped together just as suddenly, staring at each other with wide eyes.
"There's no way… right?" Mikey asked.
Donnie held Leo's wrist across the table, expression grave and dark. Leo moved to break his grasp, but Donnie held fast, changing their position so they were holding hands. He tugged the other in closer and narrowed his eyes. Leo glanced at their hands and met Donnie's gaze, an indescribable expression on his face.
They communicated a message silently to each other through the positions of their bodies and contortions of their faces alone. Leo turned himself to more fully face his twin and cocked his head minutely. Donnie tightened his grip.
Raph sipped at his juice, resting his head on a hand as he sighed to Mikey and April.
"It can't be Leo. It just can't be."
Donnie heaved Leo over his shoulder, aiming to slam him into the concrete, but Leo's hand gripped his. A blade cleaved the air next to Donnie's face. His sword dug into the table and a portal ripped open. With an exaggerated ninja sound, Leo kicked Donnie inside.
He wheezed in laughter as the portal closed, leaving Donnie's feet kicking in the air, struggling to escape. Leo pointed at him mockingly and clutched at his stomach, gasping for breath around his mirth. Wiping a tear from his eye, Leo reached for the last slice and got the butt of a tech bo to the face for his troubles. Donnie's techno arm bracer beeped victoriously.
"They are twins," Mikey sighed, eying the two suspiciously as he finished his own slice of pizza.
Donnie reached for the pizza, and Leo yanked on his legs, tugging him to roughhouse on the kitchen floor.
Raph rolled his eyes and tossed his trash into the waste.
"No, they're arguably twins. As in they've been arguing whether they're twins or not since we were tots."
Teeth clenched and metal grated as techbo met odachi. With their heels pressed to the floor, the brother pushed against each other, vying for dominance. Smirks tore across their faces—wild, bloodthirsty, and all the more gruesome for their madness.
"You're not winning this one, brother," Donnie ground out. Leo's eyes were alight with mischief. His expression was a masterclass in annoying someone without words.
"Huh, I hadn't thought of that, brother. Welp," Leo stepped back, "all yours."
Donnie's momentum brought him to the ground to Leo's raucous laughter. He quickly grabbed the pizza box and sat on top of his brother. He took a swift bite of the last slice before Donnie could recover and pumped his fist in victory. Donnie sagged to the ground, grumbling under his breath.
April shook her head at the scene and slid her juice box over to Raph. Man, she'd been betting on Donnie this time.
"I'm with Raph on this one, Mike. Donnie's been denying that gig since you guys were bite-size. There's no way! He probably just cloned himself or something. The password's gotta be like, Donnie 2.0."
Mikey hopped up to sit next to the two and leaned into their sides as they watched Leo cackle mockingly. Donnie gagged, making disgusted noises as Leo exaggeratingly licked the pizza up and down. He batted his eyes innocently at Donnie's revolted expression.
All at once, Donnie kicked up. Leo fell backward. Donnie lunged at him, a snarl on his face. They fell into a screaming, wrestling pile on the ground, unaware or uncaring of their family's interrogating gazes.
"Maybe that just shows how close they are," Mikey theorized as he stroked his chin, eyes thoughtful as he watched Donnie slam a knee into Leo's stomach, "You can't constantly argue with someone you don't like and then hang out with them all the time unless you're secretly each other's favorite sibling!"
Mikey pointed vehemently at the grappling twins, shocked realization bright on his face.
Raph scoffed.
"We know they're close, we're all close. We're brothers. But Leo? As Donnie's favorite sibling?"
Leo held his brother in a chokehold. A finger coated in his saliva hovered dangerously close to Donnie's ear. The purple turtle screamed in abject horror, struggling frantically as the wet willy neared at a deliberately, evilly slow pace. Leo's expression was one of gleeful insanity.
He would absolutely do it.
In fact, he would relish it. He craved his brother's downfall more than he feared retribution. The terror in Donnie's eyes said he already knew it to be true. A knife to the heart would be more merciful than Leonardo Hamato. A bullet to the head, more kind. A sweeter death than the foul betrayal of a once beloved brother.
Raph's expression was flat as he lowered Mikey's finger.
"Uh-uh. Ain't no way."
"Just look at them," April sighed.
S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. crashed into Leo, saving Donnie from his horrific fate. The purple turtle engulfed his offspring in a hug and threw a chair at his twin's dumb face. Leo ducked with a yelp and missed a tranquilizer dart to the neck by a hair's breadth. He pulled the dart from the wall and turned to gape at his brother. Donnie clicked his tongue in disappointment. S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. reloaded. Leo ran.
Donnie's evil laugh rang out as they gave chase.
"They love each other, sure, but come on, Mikey. Don't you think you're reaching just a little bit far?"
"They're always together tho—!"
A thunk echoed throughout the lair and they all froze. S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. sparked and twitched, spasming in the center of the room. Leo slowly put the rest of the oranges behind himself, nudging them behind the couch with his foot. S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. fell still, and they all held their breaths.
S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.'s lights changed color, and all bets were off.
Screams of terror filled the room as the lair inhabitants shoved against each other, scrambling to escape. Raph dived under the kitchen table as lasers fired around the room. April slid next to him. In her arms, she clutched Mikey, who was already hiding in his shell.
"TURN HIM ON AND OFF AGAIN!" Mikey yelled.
"HE IS NOT AN OLD TV!" Donnie yelled back from across the room. He typed on his tech vambrace frantically, curled behind the couch. Leo was visible peeking over the couch, watching the drone's rampage silently.
" IT WORKED BEFORE!" Mikey shouted back.
S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. spotted Leo and shot a missile at the couch. The twins appeared on the other side of the room through Leo's portal, gawking at the flaming remains of the furniture. Leo placed Donnie in front of him and shouted at the malfunctioning drone.
"Take Donnie! He's the one you want!"
"Leo, get your hands off of me! I'm trying to fix him!"
"Well, fix him faster!"
"I would if you'd let go of me!"
"Your drone! Your problem!"
"So move!"
"No! Until he's fixed, you're Mutant Shield-atello!"
"You're the one who busted him in the first place!"
"You have no proof!"
A laser shot directly between them. A chair exploded behind them. They ran screaming as S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. rained down ammunition.
"Raph's calling it."
April and Mikey shifted to glance up at the eldest turtle's flat expression.
"Donnie's made a replacement twin brother using Dad's DNA, Barry's ooze, and a red-eared slider he found at a discount store, and he's going to get rid of Leo when no one's watching."
"I bet he's yellow," Mikey muttered. April put a comforting hand on Mikey's shell before the countertop caught on fire, and they hurled themselves apart. Every turtle for themselves.
Splinter slowly closed the door and turned around. He could get a new family. One willing to let him into their family band AND without any rampaging, rat-killing drones. Yes. This was a good plan.
"So… you want us," Leo gestured between himself and Donnie, the skepticism on their faces showing just how much they thought of this plan, "to run an errand in the Hidden City, alone. Unsupervised. Are you sure about this, big guy?"
Raph sweated, a large awkward smile, strangely shaped by a bitten lip, contorted his face. He held his hands in a tight grasp behind his back and nodded robotically, rocking on his heels. He shifted his hands to his hips, unsure of what to do with his hands.
"Yup!"
Donnie and Leo turned their heads to consider Mikey and April. They offered their best smiles in an attempt to save the situation from Raph's awful lying skills. The twins exchanged a look and performed an identical eyebrow lift, heavy suspicion coloring their gazes.
"Perhaps Leo was somehow not clear enough, so I will reiterate. The lair is in disrepair—"
An unidentifiable wooden structure fell from the ceiling and collapsed into more pieces with a loud thud as if to illustrate Donnie's words. The TV projector screen behind them was cleaved in two. Laser burns marred the walls, and what remained of the couch was still on fire.
"—S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. is undergoing a reboot, we have a limited amount of time until Papa returns, and you want us, colloquially dubbed the quote 'disaster twins,' to run miscellaneous errands in the Hidden City? Center of mystical mayhem and magic buffoonery?"
"Not 'miscell-whatius.' We need you guys to grab cleaning supplies! We used all our stuff on the last S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. malfunction," Mikey piped in.
Donnie and Leo wordlessly turned to look at the cupboard of cleaning supplies, whose door had been blasted clean off to reveal its nearly full, shiny contents.
Mikey and April quickly stepped in front of the cupboard to block their view, smiles bright and innocent. Donnie and Leo crossed their arms, expressions deadpan.
"Uh-huh," they intoned.
"Our stuff is just regular human stuff. It can't keep up with all of our mystic whatever," Raph offered, voice unusually high.
"You two caused the mess, so it's your guys' responsibility to clean it all up," April reasoned.
"So shouldn't we stay here and do that instead of getting…" Leo leaned over to read the grocery list in Donnie's hands, brow gradually rising higher as he read, "Big Mama's Mystic De-Fizzy-Winkler, Council of Heads' Vanishing Window Spray—"
"Why does the Council of Heads even have a cleaning supplies brand?" Donnie mumbled as he scanned the list.
"Big Mama, I understand."
"She has a monopoly," Donnie nodded. Leo made a face, leaning over Donnie to look closer at the list, an arm slung over his brother's shoulder.
"And how are we even supposed to get the blood of a brownie? Brownies don't have blood. Do they? "
"I think it's referring to the industrious fairies from English and Scottish folklore."
"Fairies?"
"Little, magic people who, in the case of brownies, clean your house in exchange for dairy products. Usually an offering of milk or cream."
"Sounds like a rip-off," Leo muttered, "We have to get their blood. Harsh."
"Maybe it's a type of dish detergent," Donnie mumbled.
Raph grabbed the list from Donnie, turned both twins around, and stuffed the list in Donnie's shell. He placed a hand on their shells and shepherded them toward the exit.
"Don't worry about it. Just grab the goods and be back before dark. We'll have the lair spick and span before Dad gets back. Easy peasy."
Leo and Donnie stepped away from Raph's ushering hands and rounded on them with distrustful looks.
"If you're all going to have the lair clean before we get back, why do we even need the mystic cleaning jun—?"
"We'll have most of it done! Most! Except for the mystic stains, which we absolutely need that stuff f—"
"Yeah!" Leo jabbed a finger at them, "And my question is, with our track record, won't all this stuff probably just make things worse?"
An arm extended from Donnie's shell, displaying a tablet for them all to see as Donnie typed away on his tech vambrace.
"Factoring in our past escapades with all things mystic and/or magic, I calculate a 99.9% chance of this epically blowing up in our faces."
"You really expect us to believe you guys want cleaning duty while we go on a field trip to the Hidden City?"
"The last time we went there, we all got arrested," Donnie added, eyes critical and analyzing.
" You all got arrested," Mikey interjected, popping up next to Donnie, "Pops and I bailed you guys out."
Donnie's eyes narrowed at his little brother.
"By that logic, shouldn't you—"
"Most of the damage is in the kitchen, so Mikey has to stay!" Raph shouted. Donnie and Leo startled, eyeing his strained large grin with dubiousness.
"Yeah, I can't let you guys clean the kitchen! That's my domain!"
"But the tech is—"
"Usually I—"
"Besides, we're out of milk!" April sprung up next to Leo. The three of them herded Leo and Donnie towards the door, to their vocal protest.
"Make sure you get both 2% and Lactaid," April called as she shoved them through the door.
"2%?!" Donnie exclaimed.
"You want mystic Lactaid?" Leo asked in confusion.
"Just go!"
The door slammed in the two's faces, and the three schemers crowded forward, ears pressed to the door. They waited for a couple seconds until Leo and Donnie's suspicious grumbling disappeared, and then exchanged bright grins and thumbs-ups.
Mission: 'Get Donnie and Leo out of the Lair' was a resounding success! And the twins were none the wiser…