Archive of Our Own

The words themselves were painful. But not a sharp hurting pain, more like a dull ache. Like something that had been there for a while but he’d only now just had time to notice it, when all the static and noise in his head disappeared.

“Dustin? Do you copy?”

Dustin pinched the bridge of his nose. Why tonight? He spoke back into the radio, “Yeah I copy.”

“And did you… hear what I said?” Suzie’s voice was hesitant, careful. She spoke like she was afraid to break him, as though he were some fragile thing.

(Perhaps he was.)

“Yep,” he said, popping the p sound unintentionally. “You said we should… stop seeing each other.”

“Yeah.” Suzie paused. Dustin wasn’t sure whether she was waiting for him. She finally continued in a voice much quieter than he’d ever heard her use, “I’m sorry.” Another pause. “Is there… anything you want to say?”

Dustin thought about it. He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to say. “Uh. I guess just that… this sucks. And I wish it wasn’t happening. But I don’t know what I could even say to stop it from happening. Or even if I should? If you’d want me to?”

“I don’t think we can stop it. I’ve felt this coming for a long time. And I think you have too.”

Dustin nodded to himself. “Yeah. I have. Doesn’t make it suck less.”

“I know.”

Dustin wanted to ask why. As if knowing would change anything. He wanted to ask if it was something he’d done, something he could undo. But he didn’t.

(He was scared to hear the answer.)

“Look,” Suzie continued, “I still want us to stay friends. Being with you has opened up my whole world to new possibilities I never even thought of before. I even get to pretend I’ve saved the world once or twice.”

“You have,” Dustin reassured her. He wasn’t sure why. “And you’ve saved mine in a million tiny ways.” He paused though. This next part was going to be hard for him, but if he didn’t do it, it would be harder. “I don’t think I can do ‘friends’ right away. Can you give me some time?”

“Of course,” Suzie said. “I love you, Dustybun.”

“And I love you, Suzie-poo.”

“Do you… have time to talk? One last night? So we can just… still be like this?”

Dustin sighed. Even if he could have, he wasn’t sure what he would say. “No. Hellfire Club.”

“Oh right. I forgot. Your first night as leader, right?”

Dustin winced. He saw Eddie again, the light leaving his eyes as he held him and begged him to hold on. He took a breath. “Yep.”

“Okay then. I won’t keep you. I know you’re gonna be a great leader.”

He didn’t believe that. He wasn’t sure that Suzie believed it. But for one moment he could pretend. “Yeah. Thanks Suzie.” And then, the hardest word to utter. “Bye.”

He flopped onto his bed. He didn’t have time to mope about, Hellfire was going to start soon. And as its new leader, he needed to be there. He needed to be there for others the way Eddie had been there for him. But for just a moment, he let himself wallow in the hollowness of the inevitable break-up that had come to pass.

It was a little frustrating, then, when nobody showed up on time for Hellfire. Yes, times were hard but goddammit, that didn’t give anybody else the right to flake, right? He was here. And, okay, it wasn’t hard for him to be here, given he’d opted to move Hellfire to his house until school started up again, but the point was he was still here and ready to lead it. Despite how hard it was to even think about filling Eddie’s shoes. Despite his girlfriend breaking up with him a cool thirty minutes ago. He was here and ready to DM. Dustin was here. Just him and–

Will came through the door with an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry I’m late. Is everyone else here already?”

And in that moment, Dustin felt bad for having ever been annoyed. Will, of all his friends, deserved a fun night playing D&D with everyone who he hadn’t seen in ages, what with all the shit that had happened to him.

The others were still on the hook.

“Uh, no. You’re the first, actually,” Dustin said.

“Oh,” Will said. Though he tried to sound casual about it, Dustin could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Was there anybody coming with you?” he asked, hopeful.

Will shook his head. “Who else was supposed to come?”

“Well, Eddie’s friends either graduated or didn’t want to do it without him, and recruiting new players has been going… not so great. Y’know, since the news convinced the town we’re a satanic cult.”

Will grimaced. “Right.”

“So I guess it was just supposed to be… us? Maybe Erica?” Dustin sighed. “Mike said he and El were going to come…”

Will rolled his eyes. “But they probably forgot or decided to just hang out with each other instead.” Will paused for a moment, furrowing his brow. “Wait, Erica?”

“Yeah, she’s incredible, actually,” Dustin admitted. “She kicks ass.”

“So, where is she now?”

“Who knows. Grounded, maybe? She does what she wants.” Will laughed a little at this. Dustin thought about how long it had been since he’d heard that laugh the remaining variables. “And Lucas… I mean I don’t blame him. He’s probably still with Max.”

Will frowned in concern. “Has he left her side since…?”

Dustin shook his head. “I dunno. He wants to be there when–” He stopped himself. Should he…?

“If,” Will whispered, filling in the gap they were both thinking.

“...She wakes up,” Dustin concluded. A moment of silence passed between them.

“I’m worried about him,” Will said plainly.

“I mean, I am too, but… I get it. I mean, Max is our friend, too.”

“I know, I know,” Will quickly said. “I didn’t mean–”

“No, I know,” Dustin cut him off. “I just mean I’m really worried about her, and I’m not even convinced she thinks of me as a friend. But Lucas…” He sighed. “Can you imagine the girl you love dying in your arms, barely being revived, and having to just hope beyond hope that she’ll still wake up?” He thought about Suzie. He had never felt so glad she didn’t live in Hawkins. And his stomach turned as he realized he was glad of their break-up for similar reasons. He pushed the thought away.

“Honestly, that’s difficult for me to imagine,” Will admitted. Dustin observed him carefully. Because that statement didn’t sound like Will saying, ‘Yeah that would be horrible,’ it sounded like him saying, ‘I literally cannot imagine such a scenario.’ And that made Dustin curious. Will didn’t notice this observation and continued. “But I sympathize. It’s gotta be rough on him.”

Dustin nodded. The two stood there awkwardly for a second, neither quite sure what to do.

“I’m sorry,” Dustin said. “I thought we’d have at least a few more people. But maybe this was just a mistake.” He sat down at the table. He’d meticulously set up the whole thing: his spot at the head ready for the DM, pre-made character sheets for any potential newcomers, the map he’d planned on using and the figurines that could come up in this campaign. And for what? “I guess Hellfire is canceled this week. You can go home.” Dustin shook his head. “And tonight just keeps getting better,” he mumbled, barely audible.

“Oh,” Will said with a slow nod. After a few moments he turned around and headed back towards the door. As Dustin watched him leave, a deep melancholy filled the pit of his stomach. This was not how he wanted his night to go. Tonight of all nights, he couldn’t be alone with his thoughts. Hellfire was supposed to be about helping those who needed him, but right now he needed Hellfire. The problem was you couldn’t run a campaign with just one player. Not this campaign, anyway. It was hopeless. Just another session that Will missed.

Will only got halfway out the door before walking back in with purpose.

“So here’s the thing,” he started as the door slammed behind him, “I don’t really want to go back home. At least not right away. I thought I was gonna spend tonight hanging out with my best friends.” He took the chair next to Dustin, sitting down on it perhaps a little too quickly. “And, okay, most of them aren’t here. But you are, and you're my friend, and when’s the last time we hung out, just the two of us?” The look in Will’s eyes was so earnest. “So… can we still hang out tonight?”

Dustin looked at him. He was right. It had been a while since just the two of them had hung out. And he was grateful for any time with Will, it had been so long since he’d even seen him.

And he didn’t want to be alone tonight.

He smiled back. “Yes. Absolutely. Let’s hang out.”

Will beamed back at him. “Awesome! So. What should we do first?”

Dustin could not remember the last time he’d had this much fun just hanging out one-on-one. He and his friends tended to come in a group, and Steve was usually with Robin lately. But they’d been talking and joking and watching films and it had been so much fun! And god, he’d missed Will so much. He hadn’t even realized just how much he had, but now that he was back it almost felt like old times and he missed him. He really hoped this wasn’t just temporary, that Will wouldn’t have to leave again.

But there was something that still bothered Dustin. When Will had come back in, the first thing he’d said, the sticking point, was not that he wanted to hang out. It was that he didn’t want to go home. And that struck Dustin as odd.

Dustin looked at Will, sitting next to him on the couch now. He wanted to respect his friend’s privacy, but he was too curious.

“Hey,” he said gently, interrupting the film they were midway through. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mm?” Will turned over to look at him.

“Why didn’t you want to go home tonight?”

Will looked over, confused. “Cause I wanted to hang out with you.”

“No, I mean…” Dustin paused, unsure how to ask. “Is there something going on at home where you don’t wanna be there or…? Like, are you in a fight with Jonathan or something?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Jonathan and I are good. Better than we’ve been.”

“Then what? Are your mom and Hopper being too openly affectionate or–”

“No, I mean they’re– they’re trying to keep things cool in front of us, and failing miserably, but honestly Hopper makes my mom happy. And she should be with someone who makes her happy.” Will sighed. “No, it’s… It’s El.”

“El?” Dustin asked, confused. What had happened with El?

“And Mike.” As Will said that, things started to fall in place for Dustin. “They’re probably not at home but if they are, they’re being all… romantic and stuff. And you know, Mike is my best friend, and El and I have gotten pretty close, but they only really want to be with each other when they’re together. And even when they do try to include me I just… end up feeling like a third wheel.”

Dustin nodded. “Yeah. I remember what they’re like. I’m sorry. I know it must suck not even getting to spend time with your best friend.”

Will nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah, sure,” he murmured. Before Dustin could ask what that meant, Will asked, “So, what about you, then?”

Dustin tilted his head. “What about me?”

“You clearly didn’t want to be by yourself either.”

“Okay, what–”

“And you said ‘tonight just keeps getting better’ when you asked me to leave.” Dustin didn’t realize Will had heard that. “So. What happened tonight?”

Dustin looked back at Will. He wasn’t sure how to explain this to Will. Will had never had a girlfriend, had never wanted one, and had frankly seemed annoyed by his friends having girlfriends. So how was Dustin supposed to explain the complicated emotions brought on by his break up?

“Or we can just keep watching the movie,” Will said, interrupting his thoughts. “I was just curious, I guess. You don’t have to tell me.” Will turned back to the movie for a few moments. Dustin just kept watching Will, unsure what to do. Just before he resolved to turn back to the TV, Will looked back at him. “But if you want to, you know you can talk to me, right?”

Dustin looked at Will’s face. Genuinely trying to help his friend, but not wanting to hurt him in the process. And he knew, in that moment, Dustin knew that of course he could talk to Will. Even if he didn’t get it.

Dustin sighed and looked away. “Suzie dumped me,” he admitted.

Will’s face fell. “What? What happened?”

Dustin shrugged. “I dunno. It’s… hard to explain. Like, we both knew it was coming, but she was the one who actually said it. So I guess she dumped me? God, that doesn’t feel good to say.”

“That sounds pretty mutual to me,” Will said. “Sounds more like a break up than a dump.”

Dustin shrugged at this. “I guess.”

“I’m really sorry, Dustin. I thought Suzie was really nice.”

“That’s right, you met her.”

“Yeah. And she really cared about you.”

“She still does. I think.” Dustin grabbed a pillow, putting his face into it and letting out a groan. “She wants to be friends, and I told her I needed time. But I don’t know.”

Will chuckled and grabbed at the pillow. “You don’t know if you wanna be her friend?”

Dustin let out a noise that generally indicated an unsureness. He kept a tight grip on the pillow as Will tried to pull it away again.

“Well, do you like her as a friend?”

“I guess,” Dustin replied, muffled.

“And do you want her in your life?” Will said, finally wrestling the pillow away from Dustin.

“Yeah of course, but–”

“But what?”

“But what if I fuck that up too?”

Will frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You met Suzie. You know she’s great, you know how alike we are. What if we were meant to be and I fucked that up? And what if she stays friends with me and I fuck that up too?” Dustin put his head in his hand. He hadn’t meant to just vent so completely like this but… Will had kind of been asking him. And that was without even getting into Hellfire and Eddie.

Will pondered this for a second. But after a few moments, when he seemed to find the words he wanted, he spoke.

“I know I’m, like, the last guy to talk to about relationship stuff, but can I tell you what I think?” Dustin hesitated, but soon gave him a nod. “Okay. So, ‘meant to be?’ ‘Meant to be’ is tricky. I’m not sure I believe anyone is ‘meant to be.’ I think some people just work together, and that lasts for however long that lasts, as long as both people work at it. I’m not sure my mom was ‘meant to be’ with my dad, or with Bob, or even with Hopper. I think she just fell in love with them, and she did what she could for as long as she could. Which is to say I don’t think you can fuck up meant to be, if it exists at all.” Dustin nodded, following along.

“Secondly, you admitted that you knew it was coming for a while. You both knew the relationship wasn’t working out. That doesn’t sound like you fucking something up. That sounds like something that was just happening, independent from your specific actions. Maybe the distance was too much, maybe you just weren’t working together in a relationship, maybe it’s just bad timing for you both. But it’s not your fault. Which means, if you do decide to be friends, you aren’t likely to ruin that. At least, not more so than any other friendship.”

Dustin took in these words, and as Will said them, they seemed to make a lot of sense to him. Suzie hadn’t said he’d done anything wrong. And he knew Suzie had been nothing but incredible to him. Yet he still felt the two of them growing apart. Maybe he didn’t have to blame himself. Maybe Will was right.

“But I dunno,” Will picked back up, “like I said, clearly not the guy to ask so–”

“No, that was…” Dustin started, before realizing he wasn’t sure how to end the sentence. “That made me see things a different way. Thank you. Really.”

Will smiled back. “Of course.” The two sat there for a moment, looking at each other in content silence before Will let out a yawn. “God, what time is it?”

Dustin checked his watch and his eyes widened. “Late. Very very late.”

“Late like I should head home?” Will said.

“Late like you should have been home. Like, an hour ago,” Dustin replied as he practically jumped off the couch to put the film away.

“Oh, late late,” Will said, quickly getting up. He followed Dustin to the table where everything had been set up for D&D, quickly working to help Dustin put it away.

“No, Will, I got it, you can head home.”

“I wanna help.”

“Seriously, it’s fine, I can take it down myself. Plus I don’t want to spoil the campaign for you.”

“Then you clean up the DM areas, I’ll get the rest.”

“Will–”

“The last time I left without helping clean up a campaign, I was taken by a demogorgon into an alternate plane of reality.”

“Oof! Low blow, Will. Fine, just don’t look in my notebook. Is Jonathan coming to get you or–?”

“Biking home, old school.”

Dustin hesitated. Should he mention…? Well, Will had brought it up but–

Will rolled his eyes at the obvious train of thought. “Yes, I’ll be careful on the way home. I’m not helpless.”

“I know,” Dustin said quickly. “Just would hate to lose you again.”

“Well. You won’t,” Will said succinctly. They made quick work of cleaning up the set up, made somewhat easier in part by the fact that nothing had been messed up really. When they were finished, Dustin walked Will to the door.

“This was fun,” Dustin said.

“Yeah. Of course I wanna do some actual D&D some time but. We should do this again. Just the two of us.”

Dustin nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Alright then. See ya later.” Will walked out the front door.

“See ya,” Dustin said. And as he watched Will leave, he could feel the dull ache of the day come back again. But nevertheless, his spirits had significantly improved.

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

“Okay, what kind of break up is this, Henderson? Is it rage and break shit kind of break up or feel a lot of things and watch some sad movies kind of break up?” Steve asked.

Dustin looked at him quizzically. “Neither. I think.”

“Well it’s gotta be one of the two for me to help.”

“How are you so bad at break-ups with all the relationships you’ve had?” Steve rolled his eyes at this. “No it was just… expected. And it sucks. And it hurts, but–”

“What kind of hurt?”

“Like a dull ache I guess.”

“Oh wow. Yeah that’s the worst.”

Dustin snorted in response. “How can that be the worst? You just told me that you consider breaking shit a valid form of dealing with a break-up?”

“Well, simple. Breaking shit helps you deal with the frustration. Sad movies help deal with the hurting and the loneliness. But the dull ache? Haven’t really found a way to deal with that.”

“Super helpful,” Dustin said dryly. “I dunno, I’m not, like, feeling too terrible if that makes sense? It hurts and I don’t like it, but I kind of knew it was coming so it doesn’t hurt as much really. Plus I talked with Will about it and I honestly feel better.”

“Hold up, you talked with Will about it? When? You said this happened last night.”

“Last night was D&D. And you weren’t there because, as you’ve made abundantly clear, you’re too cool for D&D.”

“I’m a busy guy, alright? And how does D&D lead to you telling him? You don’t seem to get much time to talk during those sessions.”

“‘Cause nobody else showed up either,” Dustin said plainly.

Steve paused. “Are you sure you really wanna start up Hellfire again? Almost everybody believes you were, like, sacrificing teens to Satan or something, and even if you find people interested in it they might get scared off by what others say. Or else their family or whatever would tell them not to do it.”

“I know. But Hellfire was important to Eddie.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Steve said somberly. “And I know you want to carry on his legacy. All I’m saying is… maybe you change the name to something… nicer. Like, ‘happy fantasy funtimes club’ or something like that.”

Dustin chuckled. “Eddie, lead guitarist of Corroded Coffin, would roll in his grave if I changed the name of Hellfire to ‘happy fantasy funtimes club.’”

“Yeah, he would,” Steve said with a melancholic smile. “Back to Byers– why would you tell him before me?”

“I told you, he was there last night, you weren’t.”

“I just mean to say of all your friends, he seems… the least equipped to help you with this kind of thing.”

Dustin shrugged. “I mean, I thought the same thing. But honestly what he said really helped.”

“So what was this advice that Will Byers, the still-single, gave that was more helpful than me?”

Dustin paused, trying to figure out how to explain. “It wasn’t really advice? It was more just helping me see things better.”

“Seeing things better how?”

Dustin sighed, exasperated. “I dunno, like that the break-up wasn’t my fault. That Suzie didn’t dump me– we broke up. And that even if it hurts now, I still want her to be my friend again. Eventually.”

Steve paused. “If he got you to see that, that’s a surprisingly okay conversation you had with him.” Dustin shot Steve a look as if to say, I’ve been saying that this whole time. “Just maybe don’t make him your relationship guru over me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

Dustin arrived at the hospital room to find everyone else there before him already. Lucas was sitting at her bedside, and El stood on the opposite side of the bed. Mike stood just a bit behind El, Erica leaned against the far wall, and Will sat on a chair at the back of the room.

Will was the first one to notice the new arrival.

“Dustin,” Will said, drawing the others’ attention in a way that made him feel surprisingly self-conscious.

“Hey,” he said. “Came to check on Max. Clearly wasn’t the only one with that idea.” That was only half-true. He did want to keep coming by to check on Max. But she wasn’t the only reason he was here.

He walked to the back of the room next to Erica. While Erica regarded him with suspicion, Dustin began a hushed conversation. “How long has he been here?” he asked, looking over at Lucas. He didn’t look good. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Too long,” Erica whispered back.

“El’s been here for a while, too,” Will said, joining the conversation. Dustin nodded solemnly.

“Erica, can you get him to leave for just a bit? Get him to eat something or at least distract him?”

Erica thought about it. After a few moments she stood up straight and walked over to her brother.

“Hey,” she said to Lucas, “I’m hungry.”

“So go get lunch,” Lucas said.

“Mom said we can’t leave each other alone. Come on,” she said, practically pulling him out of the chair.

At this moment, Dustin looked over to Mike, catching his eye. Dustin looked over at El, then back to Mike, repeating this until Mike answered with a nod.

“Maybe we’ll join you for lunch,” Mike said, gently grabbing Eleven’s shoulder.

“Max–” El said.

“Dustin and I will watch her,” Will said.

“We’ll get you the second anything happens,” Dustin added.

And before anybody could protest, Mike and Erica led the other two out of the room. Dustin and Will sighed almost in sync.

“I don’t know what hurts more,” Dustin said, “watching Max or watching them.”

Will nodded. “It’s scary. Watching someone you love die and hoping beyond hope that they won’t.”

Dustin’s mind flashed back to the Upside-Down. To the bats. To the heroics.

“Yeah,” he replied, a hitch in his breath. “I know.”

Will faltered. “Do you… do you want to talk about it?” Dustin looked at him. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to but… I can listen if you want.”

Dustin thought about it. “I don’t even know what I’d say,” he finally said. “I do know you would’ve loved Eddie. And he probably would’ve fought to protect you if he’d ever met you.”

“He was a good guy?”

“He was a hero.” That was his story. And he’d repeat it until people understood. He coughed. “But it’s still hard, watching Max when… you know,” he said, trying to get back on subject.

Will looked confused. “When… what?”

Dustin shrugged. “When I don’t know if we’re friends.”

“Wait, what? Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No, no, it’s just- it’s more like, I’m not sure if I’m her friend,” Dustin explained. By the look on Will’s face, it seemed the explanation made no sense at all. “Like obviously she’s my friend, and I’m just hoping she gets better. But… I don’t know if she would feel quite the same if the tables were turned? Like, I don’t know if she thinks of me as her friend or just some guy.”

“What?”

“We aren’t super close. Maybe she still saw me as the boy who wouldn’t stop trying to flirt with her like two years ago. And maybe that guy’s her friend but maybe… maybe he just comes with the boyfriend. And maybe the only reason you’d grow close to that guy is because of all the shit you’ve been through together and…” Dustin sighed. “I mean we’ve been through a lot of shit together.”

Will nodded. “I mean, I get it. I wasn’t ever that close with her to begin with. And I feel like I missed a lot of the stuff that brought her closer to you guys. We never got as close after. Plus being in California has just… ugh.”

Dustin nodded. “It’s kinda weird that it’s just us two watching her now.”

Will chuckled. “Yeah.”

“Like, of everyone, why are we, the least obvious choices, here?”

Will thought about this before responding. “Because she’s our friend. And hopefully, we’re hers.”

Dustin looked at him with a smile. Will had a way of putting things in perspective. “Yeah. Hopefully.”

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

“First you replace me with Eddie, now with Will?” Steve said, sorting video tapes. It was always a bit bizarre to see Steve get jealous, but Dustin relished in it.

Dustin shrugged. “It’s not my fault you’re always working.”

“Since when have you let that stop you?”

“You do spend an inordinate amount of time at our places of work,” Robin said. “But it’s definitely been less recently.”

“Well, Will is available.” Dustin replied. “You’re busy. Case closed.”

“I know,” Steve said, “but it’s constant now. And I’ll just tell you like I did before that taking relationship advice from Will of all people–”

“Steve,” Robin said, her tone difficult to explain. A warning?

“–Is a bad idea.”

“I don’t take relationship advice from him,” Dustin said. “We just hang out. It’s been the first time in a year that I’ve actually been able to do that with him. Cut me some slack.”

“But you don’t seem to spend as much time with El, even though she’s back for the first time in over a year too,” Robin observed. “Is that a boy’s club thing or-?”

“It’s an ‘El’s always with Mike’ thing,” Dustin said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad El’s back too. But she would much rather hang out with her boyfriend, which leaves the single among us alone. So we might as well hang out.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re still spending more time with him than me,” Steve said, an edge to his voice.

Dustin smirked. “If you’re so against that, stop working so hard and gain a passing interest in D&D.”

Steve sighed.

“He’s got you there,” Robin said, chuckling slightly.

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

It was supposed to just be Dustin and Will again. That’s what it had sounded like when they planned it.

So Dustin was a bit surprised when Mike showed up. Not unpleasantly but he thought they’d be alone. “Mike,” Dustin said pleasantly, trying to hide the confusion in his voice, “it’s good to see you. Didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Yeah,” Mike said shortly, “well, El and I got into a fight. She’s visiting Max again.”

The night, which could have been anything, became all about Mike. His relationship with El, his worries and fears, his self-identified inadequacies. Dustin was happy to listen; Mike was still his friend and they cared about each other.

But he would have preferred to watch a movie with Will..

“I just love her so much,” Mike said.

As Will said, “I know,” Dustin noticed something. A spark in Will’s eyes fading. It was subtle and bizarre. Dustin felt like he’s just learned something, but he couldn’t find the words to describe it.

That was a lie. He found one word. He dared not even think it and pushed it out of his mind as quickly as it came in.

“That’s just it, Will,” Mike said, harsher than he meant, “you don’t know.” (A lot of what Mike said anymore came out harsher than he meant.)

“He’s just trying to help you, man,” Dustin piped in. “We both are.”

“Yeah, and neither of you knows what it’s like to be so close to losing the one relationship that means the most to you.”

Will looked over to Dustin quizzically, and it took him a second to realize why: Mike didn’t know he and Suzie broke up. Dustin, for once, actually knew exactly how Mike was feeling.

Will’s gaze became more confused as Dustin sighed and simply said, “yeah. I guess you’re right.”

The two didn’t get a chance to address each other directly the entire night.

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

Mike started to tag along with Will more. Started insisting they come to his place more. It would have almost been like old times, except most days they were still missing a fourth and no day ever managed to capture the feeling of old times.

As Dustin saw Will and Mike interact more and more, he noticed how much Will worked to please him. How hard he tried to be seen by him. Dustin could feel something growing inside himself, something he couldn’t name.

He knew the name. But the name didn’t make sense..

Mike and El had been fighting a lot recently. Mike couldn’t think of a single reason why. Dustin had been working on a list of them.

It was at one of these hangouts at Mike’s house where Dustin finally ran into Nancy again. He had been slowly stewing in the basement over whatever Mike had been talking about and had excused himself to get some water. He stood at the top step, taking a moment to roll his eyes at the behavior downstairs. And that was when Nancy crossed his path.

In the split second she turned to look at him, Dustin threw on a gentle smile and gave a short wave before making his way to the kitchen. He didn’t think much about the footsteps following just a few seconds behind him.

As he grabbed a glass from the cabinet, Nancy stopped in the entrance to the kitchen and spoke.

“What was that?” Dustin spun around. The question was direct and simple. But he had no clue what she meant.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” he said as he walked over to the sink, turning the tap on to fill his glass.

“That look. That was not a very Dustin-like look on your face a second ago.”

“Again, no clue what you’re talking about.” He took a sip of water.

“I mean the look as you left the basement. The… exasperation. Doesn’t seem very much like you.”

Dustin shrugged. “I’ve grown up. Changed. I’m not the innocent little kid you guys still see me as. I get ‘exasperated’ now, and angry and sad, not just grumpy. I had a whole relationship with a girl and lost that relationship too. I’m not little anymore.”

“Yeah,” Nancy said, “Robin and Steven mentioned you and Suzie breaking up. I’m really sorry to hear that, I know you liked her a lot.”

Dustin shrugged. “It is what it is. I’m not too bothered by it anymore.”

Nancy looked at him like she was studying him. “You mean that, don’t you? You aren’t bothered by the breakup.” Dustin shrugged in response. “But your friends… they bother you now.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. A challenge? That didn’t make any sense though.

“No, of course not. Just… something that happened.”

“What happened?”

“Just…” Dustin actually couldn’t remember what had just happened that had pissed him off so much. He just saw Mike’s face. “...Mike,” he finished quietly.

“What?”

“Not my friends that bother me. It’s just… your brother.”

Nancy suppressed a chuckle. “What did Mike do?”

Dustin looked at her. Nancy was actually asking. Actually taking an interest in him. And at that moment, he couldn’t turn that away.

“Nothing, is the thing. He just… started hanging out with me and Will more since he and El have been fighting. And that’s fine, you know, it’s just before, it was just the two of us.” Dustin looked at Nancy, trying to decide if he should say this next part out loud. “I think… I think I’m jealous of him. But I don’t understand why. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I think it makes perfect sense,” Nancy said plainly. “You finally got time with Will. And Mike is interrupting. Pretty simple. Doesn’t make you a bad person for feeling that way.”

“Makes me feel bad,” Dustin mumbled.

Nancy chose her next words carefully. “Maybe you’re just starting to realize which relationships you value more. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with everyone. Doesn’t mean Mike and Will can’t be friends. Just means you’re gonna have to work at both relationships.”

Dustin nodded. “Yeah. Maybe.” He paused, feeling a bit awkward. “Uh, thanks Nancy. I’m sorry to just dump all of this on you.”

“It’s no problem. After all, you're my favorite of my brother’s friends.” She paused. “And I know you don’t always get a chance to say this stuff to others. Especially now, probably.”

Dustin couldn’t tell what she meant by those last three words. And he didn’t care to find out.

“Still, thanks,” he replied, grabbing his glass of water and bracing himself for the rest of the night with Mike and Will.

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

The next time Will came to Dustin’s house, he came by himself. As he let himself in, Dustin could feel his heart flutter, his chest filling with excitement.

“Is Mike coming?” Dustin asked cautiously.

Will paused. He seemed slightly solemn before shaking his head no. “He and El are hanging out tonight.”

Dustin couldn’t hide his smile or his sigh of relief. “Good.”

Will stopped at this. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dustin stood there, unsure how to respond to this. Thinking as quickly as he possibly could, he told the first lie he could think of.

“Oh, I just mean… they seemed to be going through a rough patch, so. If they’re talking they must have sorted things out. So. Good for them.”

Will wasn’t buying it. “Why did it sound like you meant it was good he wasn’t here?”

Dustin tried to find some sort of excuse in his mind. He scrambled. “I didn’t mean it to.”

“I think you did.” Will frowned. “Do you have some sort of problem with Mike?”

“What? No,” Dustin lied. Will waited for further extrapolation. And Dustin found himself unable to lie too much. “It’s just I feel like he’s been taking all the attention recently.”

“What?”

“Like, before, hanging out was about us. And then he started tagging along and… it all became about him. Him and his weird, complicated relationship drama with El.”

“So, what, he’s not allowed to talk about things with El anymore?”

“That’s not what I mean. It’s just movie night is supposed to be for movies. DnD night is supposed to be for DnD. He’s been making it about him.”

“That’s not true,” Will protested.

“It is,” Dustin insisted, “we haven’t talked about anything other than him and El in a while. And I don’t think he even notices.” Dustin paused. “I thought you of all people would be on my side about this kind of thing, focusing on girl problems over friendships. But you’re defending him.”

“Well…” Will thought a few seconds before lamely adding, “he’s been going through some deep shit lately.”

“So have I. So have you, so have all of us. What makes Mike’s pain so special? No, what makes his relationship bullshit more important than mine?”

“Maybe you have to tell him your ‘relationship bullshit’ for him to be able to care,” Will said, raising his voice.

“Oh yeah, like how he cares about Max? Or what Lucas is going through because of that? Or what happened to Eddie?”

“Eddie?” Will said.

“He died in my arms,” Dustin said, fighting back tears. “He was my friend, our friend, the only one who stuck by us freshman year, and he died in my arms and Mike doesn’t even seem to care now.”

“So now you’re mad at him for not wanting to talk to you about Eddie?”

“No, I’m just–” Dustin struggled to explain. “I’m frustrated that ever since he’s come back, hell, since we met El that’s all he cares about. His girlfriend.”

Will got quiet for a moment. Then–

“That’s pretty fucking rich coming from you.”

Dustin looked at him. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand Will’s meaning. It was just that there was nothing he could say to excuse himself. And it didn’t feel good.

“Where was this two years ago when you and Lucas became obsessed with Max, huh? Where was this last year when you and Suzie got together and suddenly you didn’t have time for DnD anymore either?” Dustin had no answer. “Because as I recall, I was the one begging you guys to think about your friendships, to think about me, and not go so girl-crazy, and you treated me like I was weird for that.”

“I know,” Dustin said softly. “And I’m sorry.”

“It’s years too late for that. I was there for years while you guys did nothing but make me feel alone. Ever since the demagorgon took me, I’ve felt alone. Even with you guys. Especially with you guys. Because I’ve wanted to enjoy our time together and none of you seem to notice that that time may be running out.”

“So why defend Mike now?” Dustin challenged.

“Because not letting him talk about El nearly ruined our friendship. And I don’t want to lose any of you again. Plus you still haven’t told me when you got this righteous about Mike.”

“I don’t know. Since losing Eddie? Since almost losing Max? Since hanging out with you? Does it matter?”

“I just find it odd you’re not complaining about Lucas–”

“Yeah, because Max almost died–”

“--When he’s also avoiding us. Why focus on Mike so hard?”

“Because of you!” Dustin blurted out.

Will faltered. “What?”

“I just… see how close you are to him. How close you’re trying to be. And the way he just… brushes you off. And you still follow him and try to be there for him when he doesn’t care about you.”

“What are you talking about? Of course he cares about me.”

“Not in the way you care about him.”

Will shook his head. “You’re wrong,” he said.

“No, I’m not,” Dustin insisted.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“He barely even talks to you because of how much time he spends with El and then he gives you a scrap of attention and you just take it, because that’s all you get with him. And somehow he manages to make it still be about him and El! Honestly, El’s boyfriend is his only personality trait anymore. He never asks you how you’re doing, Will. Never. And just when it seems like he’s opening up to you, he and El are good again and suddenly he doesn’t need you and it hurts seeing you realize that and go through it in real time!”

“That’s not what’s happening!” Will yelled.

“It is!” Dustin said, matching his volume. “You came in looking so dejected because he and El were on good terms, again, and so suddenly, he didn’t need you, again. I don’t know why you find it surprising, he’s been doing this since he met El.”

“No, that’s not–”

“And worse, you defend him!” Dustin couldn’t stop himself from getting louder, angrier. “You defend him even though he’s been doing this for years, even though you’re the one who gets burned every time, and I know why. Stop letting yourself get hurt Will, give it a rest!”

“Shut up!”

“He will never love you back!”

The words hung there for a few moments. Neither knew what to say. Neither wanted to speak first.

Luckily, they didn’t have to.

At that moment, the front door opened, and Lucas burst in.

“Max is awake!” Before they could ask for further information, Lucas had pulled both of them into a hug.

Max was awake. And that should’ve been all that mattered.

So why did Dustin feel so empty?

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

Dustin hadn’t said a single word for the entire time he’d been in the video store. He just felt very lethargic. He could see Robin and Steve’s worried glances. He just didn’t care.

He saw as Robin gestured to him, and he saw Steve shrug. And of course he saw Robin look even more sternly at Steve, and of course he heard Steve sigh before speaking.

“Henderson?” Dustin looked over lazily, almost rolling his eyes. “You okay buddy?” He actually did roll his eyes at this, ignoring Robin as she gestured even more fervently. “Okay, why are you so grumpy today?”

Dustin looked up at him. “Why am I ‘grumpy?’” Dustin spat out. Steve’s face shifted, realizing he’d said something wrong. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’m ‘grumpy’ because the past few years have been nothing but a shitshow dealing with some nightmare version of our hometown and the things that inhabit it. Maybe I’m ‘grumpy’ because for every day I have to worry if today’s the day it comes back, or worse, something new will arrive to fuck everything up even worse. Maybe I’m grumpy because I lost the only friend who looked after me freshman year and I’m about to lose the club he worked so hard to build because of a town of imbeciles swept away by a moral panic over a game. Maybe I’m ‘grumpy’ because I haven’t had a day’s peace since one of my best friends disappeared, wondering if he’s safe, or alive, or in the Upside-Down, and now he won’t even talk to me. And maybe, just maybe, I’m ‘grumpy’ because even my friends see me as some little kid, incapable of any emotion more complex than a temper tantrum.”

The air hung heavy in the store for a few moments. Dustin breathed hard. The outburst hadn’t made him feel better, really, but he felt something. And he didn’t particularly like how good that something felt.

“You’re right,” Steve said. “I’m sorry, that was a poor choice of words. I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t know how to help you like this. And I don’t like seeing you like that.” Dustin suddenly felt guilty for taking out his frustration on Steve. Steve wasn’t responsible for anything other than an unkind word.

“Will’s not talking to you?” Robin said, picking up on the one thing in Dustin’s rant that seemed like a new development. “What happened?”

Dustin sighed. “We got in a fight the other night.”

“About what?” Steve asked.

“I don’t even know. I just said that I was glad Mike wasn’t gonna be there and before I knew it an argument practically just appeared out of nowhere.”

“Was Mike supposed to be there?” Robin asked, clearly not following.

“I don’t know. He’s been hanging out with us more and more.”

“But not Lucas?” Steve said.

“Waiting for Max to wake up,” Robin answered. “What’s the problem with Mike?”

“I mean, nothing really. He talks about his own stuff way too much but. That’s Mike, that’s kind of what he does. And I know this. It’s just… I liked just getting to hang out with Will. And Mike being there felt less like hanging out with Mike and Will and more like Mike taking over. I don’t even fully understand why I’m still bothered by this.”

It was silent for a moment. Dustin supposed this meant they didn’t really have any advice for him, so he went back to sulking. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Robin look at him pointedly before looking back at Steve.

“What?” Steve muttered. She repeated the gesture. “What?” She sighed before pointing at herself and then to Dustin. Dustin wondered if they realized he could see the whole thing. Steve looked over at him, considering. “Henderson? No!” Robin gave a shrug as if to say ‘think about it.’ “But Suzie–!”

“So? It’s not like there’s only two settings.”

Steve sighed. “Say you’re right, what would we even do?” Robin looked at Steve intently. Steve’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “Wait, you're serious?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to,” Steve said, as if asking her to reconsider… whatever she was about to do.

“But I want to.”

“Do you?”

Robin paused before frowning. It seemed like she didn’t want to, but was convincing herself otherwise.

“Come on, who would he even tell?” she said, justifying it to both herself and Steve.

“You know I can still see and hear you,” Dustin said, annoyed, “right?”

The two looked at Dustin before looking back at each other. Robin nodded.

“You’re sure?” Steve asked.

“Just give us five minutes,” Robin said.

Steve nodded as he headed to the front door. “Hey, Henderson,” he said, flipping the sign to say “closed.”

“What?” Dustin said annoyed.

“You know how you were asking why me and Robin never dated?”

“Vaguely?” Dustin said, confused.

“Well,” Robin said, “there’s a good reason for that.”

“A reason you won’t tell me, I’ve accepted that much.”

“Well, we’re telling you today,” Steve said, making his way to Dustin. The two stood in front of him, like two parents about to tell their child they’re splitting (a rather uncomfortably familiar image to Dustin).

“Okay…?” Dustin said. “Why are you being so weird about this?”

“Robin and I never dated because she didn’t like me back,” Steve said.

Dustin paused for a moment before saying, “That’s it? That’s the big reason you couldn’t tell me?”

“No,” Robin replied. “The big reason is that… I don’t like boys.” She paused, giving Dustin a moment to recalibrate. “I like girls,” she continued.

Dustin didn’t know how to respond. “What?” The concept itself wasn’t unfamiliar to him. It was just that– it was Robin saying this. He knew what lesbians were like (even thinking the word felt wrong). He’d seen what they looked like, what they talked like, their personality and that just wasn’t Robin. Robin didn’t seem like… one of them. At least as far as he knew.

Then again, he didn’t actually know that much.

“I’m queer,” Robin said, confirming it.

He had heard the word, of course. He’d had it shouted at him countless times in his youth. Everyone in their friend group had. But it hadn’t escaped his notice Will got called this more than the others though. Maybe it hadn’t escaped Steven and Robin’s notice either.

He didn’t want to know if they knew. He deflected.

“Why are you explaining this now? This has nothing to do with me and…” Shit. Dustin almost said his name. He pivoted. “...And what’s happening right now.”

“Before Steve and I became friends, I was jealous of him for catching the attention of all the girls I liked, getting to speak with them more.” She paused, waiting for Dustin to respond. When he didn’t, she continued. “Do you think maybe what you’re feeling towards Mike is jealousy?”

“Yeah, funny enough I worked that out myself,” Dustin said, deadpan. “What I can’t make sense of is why my feelings about this are… so much. Mike’s my friend too, I should want to hang out with him as well.”

Steve sighed. “We have to be more direct. Maybe you’re feeling so strong because you have a crush on Will.”

Dustin froze.

“Steve.”

“What? He’s never gonna figure it out on his own. Might as well.”

“No,” Dustin firmly rejected. “No, that’s not what’s happening. I’m not gay. I had a girlfriend.”

“‘Had,’ being the key word,” Steve muttered.

“No, no! I’m telling you, I loved Suzie. We didn’t break up because I’m gay. I was very attracted to her, the ways I could describe her–”

“Gross, dude,” Steve said.

“Attraction to girls doesn’t rule out attraction to boys,” Robin said. “You could be attracted to both.”

“But I’m not!” Dustin insisted. “I think I would know if I was.”

“That’s just it,” Robin said, “you probably wouldn’t. It’s harder to realize than most people think. I’ll be honest, I was completely oblivious for far far too long to have any sort of justification for it. Like, full on imagining being married to my crushes and in denial that I was gay. And if you do like girls– I mean you specifically now, not me– that would probably make it harder because, I mean, what reason would you have to suspect that the way you feel towards boys is not the way other boys feel towards boys? You’re experiencing the right things as far as liking girls goes so maybe everything you’re experiencing is normal actually and–”

“I think he gets it,” Steve said. Indeed, Dustin did get it. He just refused to believe it.

“You’re wrong,” he said.

“You don’t think it’s even a little possible?” Steve asked.

Robin started to look remorseful. “Maybe we were wrong about this, Steve.”

“I’m just saying, a lot of things would line up,” Steve persisted.

“No,” Dustin interrupted. “There’s no way, I’m not–”

Images flashed through his head. The first time he saw Will after he went missing. Will, frozen from the Mind Flayer’s possession. Hugging Will goodbye before his family moved to California. Hugging him hello when he returned. Halloween and their ghostbuster costumes. Talking between classes. DnD sessions. Hanging out with him the past few weeks. A million tiny moments all adding up to be something bigger in his mind.

Dustin didn’t finish his thought. He just bolted to the door as Robin and Steve called after him in vain. He didn’t stop moving until he reached his room at home and slammed the door behind him. He paced the room, trying to think of anything but the conversation that had just occurred, and hoping beyond hope that Steve and Robin were wrong, that he and Will were just friends, that his feelings for Will were not what they now appeared to be.

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

It had been a week since the video store, since he’d talked to anyone, basically since he’d left his home.

But Lucas told him it was important he come to the hospital today. And he wanted to be there for him and for Max.

He was a bit surprised to find Lucas waiting outside her room.

“Came as soon as I could. What’s going on?”

“She’s doing a lot better,” Lucas said. “Doctor’s think she’ll recover from most of it. And she’s speaking.”

Dustin breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good.” And it was. But that didn’t explain why it was important for him to come today.

“She asked to see you,” Lucas explained.

Dustin frowned. “Me?”

“Yeah, you. Head on in, they’re waiting for you.”

Dustin nodded and moved to enter the room. It was only after he opened the door that he realized Lucas had said “they’re,” and not “she’s.” So who was “they?”

Two heads turned to look at him as he entered the room. From the bed, Max, sitting up, still looking a little worse for wear, but better than she had been the last time he’d visited. And sitting in a chair near her bedside, Will.

“Oh,” Dustin muttered as quietly as he could. ‘Shit,’ he thought, taking a few more steps into the room. “It’s good to see you doing better, Max.” He tried his hardest to ignore Will, ignore his expression, his glare shooting daggers into him. Dustin cleared his throat. “You had us worried there for a second.”

“Yeah, I was worried too,” Max admitted.

“Max, what are we doing here?” Will asked. “Why the two of us?”

“Because everyone else was constantly worrying about me or incapable of helping those who were constantly worried,” Max explained. “Seems you two were the only ones who were able to get Lucas and El to take a break.”

Dustin shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know if–”

“I do,” Max cut him off. “You took care of them while they took care of me. So I wanted to thank you. You’re good friends.” It was Max’s turn to look uncomfortable as she added, “My friends. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like we weren’t.”

Will’s face fell. “You heard that?”

“I heard a lot more than people think. I heard Lucas every day, and though she didn’t always speak, I often heard El right beside him. I heard lots of things, and I heard you talk about how you weren’t sure if we were friends. So I wanted to clear that up.” She took a moment to center her thoughts. “God this sounds cheesy, especially coming from me, but friendship is what got us through a lot in the past, and I think it’s what’s going to get us through the future. So I want to make sure you know how much I appreciate you. I want you to know that I’m your friend and you’re both mine. That we’re all… friends.”

At this, Will stood up and walked out of the room, not even looking at Dustin as he passed.

“What the hell’s his problem? I was trying to have a moment with you there.” Max said.

Dustin sighed. “It was a nice moment, and I’m sure he appreciated it. His problem is with me.”

“What happened?”

Dustin shrugged. “I said something I shouldn’t have.”

“So apologize.”

“I’ve tried. But I can’t unsay it, so Will won’t forgive me. And I honestly can’t blame him.”

“That bad?” Max asked. She scoffed. “Look what happens when I’m gone for a few weeks.” Dustin rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. “I don’t know. Um. Give it time? I guess? Or something.”

Dustin chuckled. “You’re not very good with advice.” He smiled at her. “But I’m glad you’re awake again, Max. It’s good to see you.”

“And it’s good to see you, nerdy-friend-of-my-boyfriend,” she said with a smirk.

“Really?”

“What? I’m joking, obviously, it was a joke.” She looked over at the chair Will had just vacated, indicating he should sit. “Come on, tell me what happened while I was out. Haven’t heard things from your side. What’s going on in your life?”

As Dustin sat in the chair, he said, “honestly? Not much.”

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

The first knock on the front door was careful and quiet. As a result, Dustin wasn’t sure if he’d heard it correctly from his room. He looked towards his door, waiting to see if it would happen again.

The second knock was still gentle, but louder. Still, Dustin didn’t hurry himself as he left his room to answer it.

The third knock was firm, but still not too loud, and it came with a voice.

“Henderson, it’s me,” Steve said, his voice muffled through the door. Dustin stopped. Steve? “Yeah, I know, I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now.” Dustin’s heart sank. That wasn’t true. Far from it, there wasn’t a single person he wanted to talk to more right now. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk with Steve yet. “Listen, I know you’re probably just avoiding me, and I know why. But I had to check that you’re okay.”

Dustin waited through the silence for a moment. It seemed like too long for a second. Maybe he had left?

“I also need to apologize,” Steve admitted. “I… shouldn’t have said what I said. Shouldn’t have treated that moment the way I did. That was a real stupid thing to do. Robin’s sorry too, by the way. We were just trying to help, but… clearly we did the opposite. So. I wanted to stop by. See if we’re still friends. Because you’ve always been a good friend to me Henderson. And I can see now that the reverse isn’t true. But I want to try to be better. If you’ll let me.”

Dustin realized he still hadn’t opened the door. He realized he was scared to open it.

But for Steve, he wanted to.

He took a deep breath before opening the door. As Steve looked down at him, his face seemed to fill with relief.

“My friends are too precious for me to lose another one,” Dustin said quietly. He opened the door a little wider, an invitation.

Steve accepted it eagerly, stepping inside. The two stood just inside for a moment, Steve looking down at Dustin. As Dustin looked back up at him, he realized the distance in height wasn’t what it once had been. Strange. When had that happened?

“Uh, my room,” Dustin said, pointing behind him. Steve nodded and followed him. Once the door was shut, both of them stood idly for a few seconds. Neither seemed sure what to say.

“About last time–” Steve started.

“So the video store–” Dustin said at the same time.

The two stopped at the same time. “You first,” Dustin said.

Steve chuckled uncomfortably. “I also just wanted to apologize if I was off-base last time we talked. ‘Cause I’ve been thinking about it, and I feel like I was way off-base, just completely wrong. And I didn’t mean to imply anything– certainly not anything bad. And I mean, it’s not like my track record with identifying people is great, Robin only came out to me after I told her I had a crush on her, and I only did that because I thought she might like me back. So. Yeah. I’m sorry that my unfounded assumption hurt you.”

Dustin sighed. “It wasn’t entirely unfounded,” he admitted. “And I’ve been thinking about it and maybe…” he struggled to finish the sentence. He turned his head away from Steve as he sat on the bed. “Maybe you were right. And that scares me.”

Steve nodded. “It’s a scary thing. I’m sorry I tried to treat it like it wasn’t.” He sat next to him on the bed. “You wanna talk about it?”

“What if this changes things with the guys?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell them. If and when you choose to tell anyone is all up to you. And I am so sorry if I aggravated that process. I just don’t like seeing you down. I thought I could help. And I was incredibly wrong in that assumption.” He paused. “But I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know,” Dustin said. “I just don’t know what to do now that I know.”

“You don’t have to do anything with it. Not if you don’t want to.” Dustin nodded, but didn’t seem to take in Steve’s words. “Have you talked to Will yet?”

“No.”

“Seems like that’s where you start then.”

“He still won’t talk to me. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever talk to me again. And the thing is, I don’t even blame him.”

“Come on.”

“I said something real bad to him. Something I can’t take back.”

“Well, what did you say?” Steve asked. Dustin fell back on the bed. “Come on. I can’t help you with your guy troubles if you won’t tell me what happened.”

“I can’t tell you. That’s kind of part of the problem. I said something that I can’t say to anyone else.” He paused. “Wait, what makes you think you can help with ‘guy troubles?’”

Steve lay down beside him. “I helped you with your girl troubles, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but this is guy troubles.”

“And?”

“You like girls.”

“So?”

“So what makes you qualified to talk about guy troubles?”

“Dustin, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I'm a guy. So I know what they like.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know what guys like me like.” Steve shrugged and shook his head, looking for clarification. “You know. Gay guys. Or… whatever the hell I am.”

“Hey, you’ll figure it out. It’s okay.” Dustin smiled before looking back up at the ceiling. He still wasn’t willing to tell Steve what he said. Steve sighed before continuing, “maybe you can help me out with something. Let’s suppose, hypothetically, my friend, let’s call him Henderson, is crushing on his friend, let’s call him Byers, and the two got into an argument. I want to help Henderson patch things up with Byers but I don’t know how to help, because he won’t tell me what happened that made things go sour. What should I do?”

Dustin shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe… maybe Henderson can’t tell you what he said because it was about Byers. Something personal about him that Henderson shouldn’t have known and you definitely shouldn’t.”

Steve thought about it. “Suppose I’ve already pieced together that Byers is probably gay. And I think Henderson has pieced that together too. Do you think Henderson would be able to tell me then?”

A slight pause. “Maybe Henderson would tell you that he thinks Byers has a crush on his best friend, Wheeler. And so he told Byers that Wheeler wouldn’t ever feel the same.”

“That would be pretty serious. It would mean Henderson knows Byers is gay, and about his crush on Wheeler. Maybe Byers just feels hurt that his friend isn’t rooting him on. Or maybe Byers feels like he can’t trust Henderson. After all, he blurted out that he knew Byers’ secret to his face. How does he know he won’t blurt it out to their friends?”

“Well, maybe the only reason Henderson said it was because he was jealous of Wheeler. Because he wants Byers to like him instead of Wheeler.”

“Yeah, but Byers doesn’t know that. What reason would he have to suspect Henderson is like him?”

“Yeah. Well. Henderson still doesn’t know how to get Byers to talk to him.”

“That’s unfortunately something I don’t think I can help Henderson with. It’s all up to Byers now.” Dustin frowned. “But maybe if I talk about this with Henderson, he’ll feel better? He’ll know he can talk to me about things like this?”

Dustin nodded. “Yeah. I bet he already knows. After all, who else is he going to talk to, Byers?”

Steve laughed. “That would be a mistake. Crazy I ever thought he’d talk to Byers over me about this kind of thing.” Dustin laughed along. This was making him feel a whole lot better. Then, Steve’s face soured and he sat up suddenly.

“Hey, you know you can talk to me about more than crushes and stuff, right?”

Dustin sat up with him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you want, you can talk to me about… anything, really.” Steve sighed. “About Eddie?” Dustin’s face fell. He looked away from Steve. “I know we don’t really talk about him, and if that’s because you don’t want to, I get it. But I want to be there to talk about it. If you want.” Dustin nodded. “I know losing him was hard.”

Dustin gulped. “Did I tell you he died in my arms?”

“What? I knew you tried to help, but–”

“I heard his last words. He wanted me to tell people he was a hero.” Dustin couldn’t help the tears that were starting to fall. “He was a hero, Steve. And nobody ever saw it.”

Before Dustin could say anything else, Steve’s arms were around him, hugging him tightly as he cried. “I know, Dustin. I know.”

“I don’t wanna lose anyone else,” he said through sobbing breaths.

“We won’t,” Steve said, reassuringly. “I promise.”

And though he knew Steve was making a promise he might not be able to keep, for a few moments, he chose to believe him anyway.

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

“Suzie, do you copy?”

This was the third time he’d repeated the phrase. If she didn’t answer this time, he’d stop, try again later. He didn’t wanna seem too desperate.

But he did want to talk to her.

Just as he was about to give up, a voice came through the radio.

“I copy, Dustin.”

Dustin breathed a sigh of relief. He’d made contact. Now came the hard part.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she replied. There was an awkward pause. Why was this so tricky? “So, why are you calling, what do you need? Do I need to hack something to save the world again or…?”

Dustin laughed. “Uh, no. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“How I was doing?”

“Um. Yeah.” He tried to formulate the words in his head. He knew they’d never be perfect. “The thing is, lately I’ve been missing out with my friends. They won’t talk to me, or I won’t talk to them. And I know now all too well that I can’t afford to lose any time with my friends. And I’d hate to miss out on a friend like you just because of our history. So… Can we be friends?” There was silence on the other end. The pause became unbearable. “If it’s too soon for you, I understand. But I just… I miss having you in my life. I’d love to be your friend.”

There was more silence. Dustin wondered if he made a mistake. The radio crackled.

“Of course, Dustin. Of course I want to be your friend. I was just waiting.”

Dustin smiled to himself. “I’m glad you waited. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“So what is the stuff going on in your life right now?”

Even though she wasn’t there to see it, Dustin shook his head. “No, you first. Tell me everything that’s happened with you. Spare no detail. I want to know everything about what’s going on.”

And he could practically see the smile on Suzie’s face when she said, “where do I even begin?”

⁎ ⥮ * ⥯ ⁎

Dustin had given up on Hellfire. Maybe Hawkins just wasn’t ready for it. Maybe he just had to wait for the new year, to help all the freshmen nerds the way Eddie helped him.

Still, he waited up every week, hoping that somebody, anybody, would stop by and join.

Though lately he just hoped Will would come around to talk to him. Especially on nights like tonight that felt extra lonely, only the sound of the rain tapping on the windows to keep him company.

He couldn’t help the flutter in his heart as he heard the knock on the door. Maybe, just maybe, it was Will. He flung open the door to find–

“Mike?”

“Hi.” Though not soaked, he was clearly wet from the trip over, his hair just barely dripping. Dustin quickly let him inside.

“Hey, man,” Dustin said, doing his best to sound casual as Mike made his way further inside. “What are you doing here?”

“I think I do talk about me and El too much,” Mike said without any preamble.

Dustin’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“So Will told me you two got into an argument.”

Dustin groaned internally. “He did? What did he say?”

“Well he didn’t tell me the full story, but he told me that a lot of the argument was about me, about how I supposedly take up all our time together talking about me and El.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t even deny it. That was basically what he had said.

“And at first, you know, I was kind of pissed at you. Like, what a shitty thing to say behind a friend’s back.”

Dustin nodded. “You’re right. And I’m sor–”

“But then,” Mike interrupted, “I started realizing just how much I talk about her. How much I talk about us. How much my life revolves around her. And then I started asking people. Nancy said I definitely talk about him too much, but she’s my sister, what else would she say?” Dustin nodded along. “But then I asked Lucas. And he didn’t really say it outright at first, but he agreed. Max said yes without any hesitation and for some reason, even Erica agreed?” Dustin chuckled at this. That seemed about right. “Anyway, Will tried to disagree… and then he told me this argument happened almost two weeks ago, when Max woke up.”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t really go out of my way to tell you–”

“I never even gave you the chance to tell me,” Mike said, slightly appalled with himself. “And then Lucas mentioned you and Suzie breaking up, like, when did that happen?”

“A while ago,” Dustin admitted. Mike had clearly been expecting this, but still looked defeated by it.

“I’m a bad friend,” he said plainly. Through Dustin’s protests, he continued, “no, really, I’ve been a bad friend. Whenever I’m around El… she’s the only one I think about. She’s all I want to talk about, I think she’s so great, and I love her so much.” Dustin wondered if Mike noticed he was doing it again. “But I keep talking about her instead of everything else, instead of letting you talk to me, instead of trying to help you keep Hellfire alive like Eddie wanted–”

“You still want to be in Hellfire?” Dustin said.

“Of course! I miss Eddie. So much. But thinking about Eddie is hard. It’s easier to focus on the good in my life. But we never talked about it and I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through alone.”

Dustin shrugged. “It’s not been so bad. I haven’t been that alone.”

“But you haven’t had anybody who knew him.” And Dustin felt this. He knew it was true. Sure, Eddie got along well with Steve and Robin after properly meeting them, but he and Mike were the only ones who really knew Eddie. “Look, I’m sorry if I made it seem like I don’t care about Hellfire, of course I do. And I promise from now on I’ll come to all the meetings. I promise I’ll try and be a better friend. To you, and Will, and everyone.”

Dustin smiled a little at this. It was a nice sentiment. There was just one problem with it.

“I don’t know if there’s going to be a Hellfire club anymore. We don’t have enough people.”

Mike frowned, clearly in deep thought. “I mean… technically all you need is a DM and a player.”

“I guess that’s true. It’s just not as much fun without a whole party.”

“Why don’t you try one more time. Tomorrow night. I’ll spread the word. I’m sure Lucas will join. I could probably convince El to try it out too, and Erica would love the chance to destroy us all. And Will of course.”

Dustin sighed. “Yeah, if he’ll ever talk to me again.”

“Of course he’ll talk to you again. He’s your friend,” Mike said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah, well, maybe there are some things a friendship can’t survive.” Before Mike could ask what that meant, Dustin moved on. “Do you wanna see the map I’ve been working on for the next campaign?”

And even as Mike nodded enthusiastically, Dustin could tell he was planning something.

* ⥯ ⁎ ⥮ *

Dustin did not have high hopes for tonight’s session. He trusted that Mike was actually invested this time around, but he didn’t trust that all his friends would be available last minute.

Mike was the first to arrive.

“Thanks for doing this,” he said as he entered. “I’m so stoked to start a new campaign!”

“We need a party for a campaign. And I’m not convinced we’ve got one.”

“Have a little faith.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later Lucas and Erica entered.

“Hey!” Lucas said. “Sorry it took us so long, I had to tell Max we were coming here.”

“More like it took her twenty minutes to get him to leave her alone for a moment,” Erica said.

“Well, I’m glad you’re both here,” Dustin said, looking over to see a look from Mike that seemed to say what did I tell you?

“It’s been too long since we’ve done this. Hope I remember everything,” Lucas said.

“I fully plan on taking advantage on your lack of memory to crush you,” Erica said.

“Come on, Erica, we’re on the same team.”

“That remains to be seen.”

The next person was a real surprise.

“Steve?” Dustin said in shock upon opening the door.

“Robin said I should probably come tonight. But this is a one time thing, got it?” Dustin rolled his eyes but nodded. “So how long is this gonna take? Thirty minutes? An hour?”

“Oh,” Dustin said dramatically, realizing he was going to have to take Steve through the character creation process, “you’re going to hate this.”

“That’s four, basically a full party,” Erica said. “Are we ready to start?”

Dustin turned back to Mike.

“Give it five minutes. This isn’t everyone I invited.”

Mike was obviously talking about Will. This was clear to everyone, as was the reason for the frown on Dustin’s face (or it should’ve been, but Erica seemed oblivious).

“Mike, I don’t think he’s–”

Just then the door popped open, and in came–

“El?” Dustin said. “What are you doing here?”

“Mike,” El said, pointing at Mike. Dustin felt stupid for asking. Obviously, she wanted to see Mike. He didn’t begrudge her for that. “He said tonight was D and D. I want to try. Can I join?”

Dustin chuckled. “Of course. The more the merrier.”

El smiled. “Sorry we’re late.”

Dustin shook his head. “No problem.” Then he realized what she had said. “Wait, we?”

As El walked in, Dustin could finally make out Will’s form. He seemed to be hiding on the other side of the door. Dustin had a pretty good idea of who he was trying to hide from.

“Hey,” Dustin managed to say through a dry mouth.

“Hey,” Will replied. “Mike said…” he faltered. He looked up, seeming to consider his words. Finally, he settled on, “we haven’t played in a long time. I didn’t want to miss it.”

Dustin nodded. “Well, grab a seat. We’re about to take Steve through the grueling process of character creation. We can make a character for El, too.”

“Grueling?” Steve said, scared.

“It’s not that bad,” Mike quickly said.

“Although,” Lucas added, "coming up with a backstory can be kind of in-depth.”

“I have to come up with a backstory?” Steve asked.

“What race are you going to be?” Erica asked.

Steve stare went blank at this. “What.”

This was going to be a unique session.

“Okay so I hit the orc with my ax and he’s dead now, right?” Steve asked.

“You have to roll,” Lucas said, exasperated.

“And really that would be a waste of your turn since Janeka’s gonna use her mage powers on him,” Erica said.

“I don’t get it, how is El so good at this if this is her first time too?”

“Because your rolls suck,” Erica said.

“Come on, of course her rolls are good, she can move things with her mind, the cheater.”

“Hey, she’s not cheating!” Mike said. “Wait, you’re not cheating, are you?” El quickly shook her head no in response.

“Come on Steve, what’s your move?”

“Uhh,” he replied, indecisive, “I fall back to Erica– I mean, uh, Miss Applesauce?”

“Her name is Lady Applejack, and you will give that name the respect it deserves!”

“Do you want me to protect you or not?” Erica rolled her eyes at this. “Fine, I move to Lady Applejack and protect her.”

“Lady Applejack is safe for this turn, but the orc is angry,” Dustin narrated, “He looks at you, eyes seething with rage. Janeka, your turn.”

“Take him out El!” Mike said.

“I cast haste on Will.” The declaration was met with silence.

“I’m so confused, what does that mean?” Steve asks.

“El, you know this means Janeka will be defenseless.” Dustin said. “If any other enemy comes along you’ll likely be a goner.”

“I know.”

“Okay. Will, your turn.”

Will took a second to think about it.

“I cast a protection spell on Janeka. Then, with my extra action…” Dustin saw a glint in Will’s eyes a split second before he looked directly at Dustin and said, “fireball.” He rolled a handful of dice across the table.

The entire table waited with bated breath for the result of the dice–

“Success! You fireball the orc,” Dustin said. The whole party cheered, “and with his dying breath, he says ‘you may have defeated me, but you will never defeat my master.’ And with that, I think we’ll wrap up the session. Thanks for playing everyone!”

“Wait, who’s his master?” Steve asked.

“We don’t know.” Lucas said. “This is the first we’re hearing of a master.”

“So it just ends on a cliffhanger?”

“Well, no,” Mike said, “you come back next session and try to figure out more then.”

“Wait, did you think each session was a new game?” Dustin asked. “There’s a reason we meet every week.”

“And I’m just now realizing why.”

“Seriously, thank you all for keeping hellfire alive. It means a lot to us.” Mike looked at Dustin as he finished saying this, including him in the “us.” Dustin nodded. He hadn’t really considered that this still meant something to Mike, too, and it was nice to get that conversation.

“Erica and I should get back home,” Lucas said.

“We’ll be right behind you,” Mike said.

Steve looked between Dustin and Will before saying, “yeah I should probably get home too.”

“Ooh, can we get a ride?” Erica asked.

“What? No.”

“Come on,” Erica said following Steve out the door.

“Erica,” Lucas warned, following her sister.

“I should probably take off, too,” Mike said. “Good session, Dustin.”

“Thanks, dude.”

“Will?” El asked, standing up with Mike.

Will looked at them for a moment. Then back to Dustin. Dustin tried not to look directly at him. It was already so uncomfortable.

“Why don’t you go on ahead with Mike? I’ll stay and help clean up. Catch up with you back at home.”

El smiled and nodded. “Thanks for letting me join, Dustin.”

“Of course. You’re always welcome at my table.” Dustin looked at Mike, who nodded back at him. A silent good luck.

It was silent for a few moments as Dustin tried to figure out what to do.

Will broke the silence.

“So maybe I should get the, uh, figurines and then–”

“Yeah, yeah, and we’ll, um–”

The two began cleaning up, silent and awkward, neither wanting to acknowledge the tension, but also not wanting to leave it unresolved. In the quiet, clean up seemed to go by in a flash.

And suddenly, there was no reason for Will to stick around. The night was over. And it seemed like nothing had changed.

“I guess I’ll… head out,” Will said softly. Dustin nodded. God, what was he supposed to say in this situation? “Okay,” Will took a step toward the door, “bye.”

“Wait,” Dustin said quickly. Will stopped and looked at him, expectant. “Do you…” Dustin struggled to think of anything to say. “...Do you want me to walk you home?” Will blinked. “I just mean… I’d hate for you to get trapped in the upside down again.”

The seconds in between the question and Will’s response lasted an eternity.

“Yeah. Sure. I guess… I could use the company.”

Dustin nodded and followed Will outside. The two walked side by side down the road, still silent, still awkward. Both looked at the ground beneath them, unable to even risk looking ahead. It was about halfway to Will’s house that Dustin finally worked up the courage to speak.

“So. Uh.” Shit. How was he supposed to start this? “If it wasn’t obvious already… I’m sorry. About what I said the night Max woke up. It was shitty and I shouldn’t have said it, so… I’m really sorry.”

Will didn’t look at him as he listened. Instead he just whispered, “how did you know?”

Dustin’s breath hitched. He wasn’t even really sure himself. So he said so.

“I’m not sure. I just… paid attention. The way you act around Mike, talk about him… I don’t think I’d even realized I’d pieced it together before I said it.”

“You can’t– you can’t tell anyone,” Will said, his breath heavy. “If the others found out–”

Dustin nodded. “No, of course I won’t. I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Nobody knows. Except maybe Jonathan. But even he…”

“I swear on my life, Will. I won’t tell a soul. I’m sorry I even… let you know I knew.”

“Yeah. But it’s not like you were wrong.” Will sighed. “I know Mike doesn’t like me. Not the way I like him. And he never will. And I’ve known this for a while. But it still hurts.”

Dustin finally looked at Will. The look on his face made Dustin ache.

“I didn’t say it to hurt you.”

“Then why did you say it?” Will finally looked up at Dustin. And for some reason, Dustin knew it was now or never.

“Jealousy,” was his simple reply.

“What?”

“I was jealous of Mike.”

Will shook his head. “Why would you be–”

“Because of the attention you were giving him. Attention I was used to receiving.”

“But I was still hanging out with you.”

“But you weren’t fully with me. All your attention was focused on him.” He was deflecting. He needed to get to the point. “But it wasn’t just the attention you gave him I was jealous of. I…” Dustin tried several times to formulate the words in his head, but he couldn’t get them right. He let out an exasperated groan. Why was this so difficult?

“Will, I don’t know when it started, or how it happened, but hanging out with you… it became the best part of my life, a life I was suddenly going through without my girlfriend beside me, having lost the one person who looked after me in high school with his name still slandered, and feeling like I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it because of what they went through. And you got me through that. But it was more than that even.”

“Dustin?”

“Will, I think…” he stopped himself. Why be so uncertain, now of all times? “No, I for sure like you. Like, I like like you. And that’s why I said what I said. Because I want the attention you give Mike. Because I want you to want me and not him.”

Dustin looked away, waiting for something, anything, to indicate his reaction.

“Is this a joke?”

Dustin paused. The response was inscrutable. Why would this be a joke? “No.”

“‘Cause it’s not funny.”

“Will, I–”

“I wasn’t sure if I should come tonight, but Mike and El begged me, and if you’re just going to do this–”

“Will!” Dustin put a hand on Will’s shoulder, stopping him in place. When Will turned to look at him, Dustin leaned in and put his lips on Will’s.

The kiss was unlike what Dustin had been expecting. It was similar to what he’d experienced before, but different. Better, maybe. He felt connected to Will in a way he never thought he could be.

Then his brain caught up to him, and he realized he was kissing his best friend, that his was probably his best friend’s first kiss, and he had no clue what said best friend was thinking. He separated himself from Will and took a step back, terrified he’d just ruined their entire friendship, forever. He waited with bated breath for Will’s reply.

Will himself seemed a little discombobulated by the kiss. He took a moment to process what had just happened.

“Oh,” Will said, still stunned, “you like me.”

Dustin chuckled. “Yeah. Didn’t I say as much?”

“You did. I guess I just… didn’t believe it could happen.”

“What?”

“That someone like you… that you would like me too.”

Dustin couldn’t stop himself from smiling at this. “Too?”

“It’s… it’s not like I hadn’t thought about it. I was just too hung up on Mike to even realize.”

"Can we not talk about Mike right now?”

Will nodded. “Consider him forgotten.”

The two started walking again, still silent.

“So what do we do now?” Will asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Like with us.”

“...I don’t know?”

“You’re the relationship expert.”

Dustin scoffed. “I have only been in one relationship!”

“Which makes you this expert in this case!”

Dustin sighed with fake exasperation, and Will chuckled. “Okay, well what do you want to do?”

Will thought about it. “Can we… date?”

“Like can we go on a date? Of course.”

“No like… can we be dating?” His voice was still unsure, but Dustin just smiled back.

“Yeah. Absolutely, we can be dating.”

“Cool,” Will said, turning away, probably to hide that he was blushing. Not that Dustin was one to judge; his own face was pretty red. “So,” Will continued, “what does dating mean?”

“...Going on dates?”

“Besides that.”

“Well, I mean…” Dustin paused. “Dating is, like, talking to each other. About all sorts of things. And hanging out one-on-one. Going to each other first when we have something to tell people. And watching movies together on my couch and… whatever else you wanna do.”

“Well, I want to do all that.”

“Good.”

Will looked down. “And I want to hold your hand.”

Dustin chuckled and grabbed Will’s hand. “That can be arranged.”

“And I definitely want to kiss you again.”

“That can definitely be arranged.”

“Like. Right now?”

Dustin looked up at him and smiled.

“Like right now.”