Archive of Our Own

Killua sighed.

The silver-haired boy stared at the stars in the sky, feeling a sense of peace. He had been traveling for months, taking on dangerous tasks and honing his skills as an assassin. Despite all of his training, there were times when he felt overwhelmed and unsure of himself.

But as he gazed up at the twinkling lights above, he was reminded that there was a vast and infinite universe beyond his worries and fears. He was just a tiny part of something much more significant.

Killua took a deep breath and closed his eyes, fully embracing the night's stillness. He felt a sense of gratitude for the solitude he found at this moment.

He knew that the path ahead would be filled with challenges, but for now, he was content with simply being present in the moment and enjoying the beauty of the world around him.

However, there was something deep inside his little heart that was bothering him; something that he dare not do. 

And it has nothing to do with a certain oblivious green-clothed boy.

…

Okay, maybe it does. 

They say it’s easy to tell when you have a crush, but for Killua, the feelings are complex. 

He’s been best friends with Gon for years, and he values their friendship more than anything in the world. Killua cherishes him a lot, yet he doesn’t know whether the love is romantic or he simply just admires him as a very close friend.

Lately, he’s been feeling something more for Gon. A longing that he can’t seem to shake off, no matter how hard he tries. Killua tried to ignore these feelings at first, thinking they were just a passing infatuation. But the more time he spent with Gon, the more he realized that what he felt for him was more than just platonic. He found himself wanting to be closer to Gon, wanting to hold his hand and be with him all the time. 

However, Killua was afraid. He’s afraid that if he confesses his feelings, their friendship will be ruined. And he can’t bear the thought of losing Gon, who has been his constant companion and support throughout their adventures. But at the same time, he longs for the intimacy and closeness that comes with a romantic relationship. 

He’s torn between his desire for Gon and his fear of losing him.

Killua just really likes Gon, that was it. He just likes him. 

A bit? 

Nah, a lot.

“Ugh,” The boy groaned, digging his face into his bent knees. Suddenly, he’s annoyed by thinking; his head is starting to hurt and he feels his face heat up with embarrassment. “This is so annoying...” He let out a mumble.

“What is?”

“GAH!” Killua jumps at the sudden sound of Gon’s cheerful voice, and he feels his heart skip a beat. “G-Gon..?” He lets out a tiny squeak, biting his bottom lip afterward. Holy crap. You didn’t even realize he was there?! You’re an assassin of all people! 

“Hey, Killua!” The boy grins.

“J-Jeez, Gon! Don’t scare me like that!” Killua playfully slaps his shoulder, Gon laughing it off afterward. “What if I thought you were someone else?! I could’ve hurt you, idiot!” 

Gon’s smile falters for a moment, and he looks at Killua with a hint of concern in his eyes. The stern gaze of his brown eyes caught Killua off guard; he suddenly felt flustered. “Killua, you know I trust you.” Gon began, his voice soft, “You wouldn’t hurt me by accident. You’re too kind for that.”

Killua feels a rush of warmth spread through his chest at Gon’s words. He could feel the blood rush to his cheeks as they flushed a soft shade of red. Kind? He thinks I'm...kind? Yeah, right. “Y-yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” The white-haired boy murmured under his breath, biting his bottom lip as he tried to control his composure. “J-Just don’t do that again, idiot,” Killua grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

Gon chuckled, the sound sending shivers down Killua’s spine. “Okay, okay. I won’t do it again.” The boy grins, his usual carefree demeanor returning. “What are you doing out here so late?” He asks.

“Uh, nothing.” Killua grumbled, “Just thinking too much, I guess.”

“Thinking?” Gon tilts his head in confusion, like a little puppy that had heard a strange noise in the distance. Killua couldn’t help but blush ferociously in response; he couldn’t help it — Gon looked adorable. “Thinking about what?”

For a moment, Killua was at a loss for words. “E-erm…stuff.” 

“What kinds of stuff?”

Killua stares at him for a moment. “You ask too many questions.”

Gon laughed again, his smile brightening up the night sky. “Come on, Killua. You know you can tell me anything. We’re best friends, remember?”

Friends…  

Killua forced a smile. 

“Killua?”

There was an unpleasant silence in the air. 

Gon gives him a concerned look. “Is everything okay, Killua?”

“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine.” He forces a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

Gon studies him for a bit, sensing that something was off, yet he doesn’t push the matter. So instead, the boy grasps his wrist and leads him into the forest, the trees softly blowing in the wind as they sink into the depths of the trees. “Let’s take a walk, maybe that will clear up whatever you’re thinking about.” Gon grins.

Killua couldn’t help but smile in response. Oh, Gon. If only you knew. 

So they walked in comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of crickets and the occasional owl hooting in the distance. The moon was full and bright, casting shadows through the trees. Despite his initial embarrassment, Killua couldn’t help but feel a sense of comfort in Gon’s company. It was in moments like these that Killua felt a sense of peace. Being with Gon made him forget about all of his troubles, even if it was just for a little while. It was like they were the only two people in the world, isolated from everything else.

The two boys continued on their way through the forest, their conversation flowing smoothly as they talked about their latest adventures. As they walked, Killua found his eyes wandering to Gon’s profile — the way his hair fluttered in the breeze, the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed and the way his smile seemed to light up the entire forest. For a moment, Killua thought he could get lost in those brown eyes forever.

But then Killua’s mind wandered to the thoughts he had been trying to avoid. The voice in the back of his head spoke up, reminding him that a relationship between them was impossible. 

Sure, Gon was his best friend, but he was also a boy. And besides, Killua was an assassin — he had no time for romance. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to risk their friendship for something that might not even work out.

Yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about the way Gon made him feel, the way his heart beat faster whenever he was near him. 

But Killua can’t tell him. He didn’t want to lose Gon, not for anything.

“Phew, I’m beat!” Gon flops himself down on the grass and looks up at the sky, the image of the stars and moon reflecting in his eyes. Killua sits beside him, hugging his knees to his chest, trying to control the thumping of his heart. 

Gon sighs in exhaustion, rubbing a bit of sweat from his forehead before continuing to stare at the stars, the cool, night breeze caressing his skin. “It’s so peaceful here.” 

Killua hums in confirmation. “Yeah.”

A thick, comfortable silence settles between them, broken only by the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. Time passes slowly, the only movement coming from the leaves rustling in the breeze. This is a contented silence, the kind that can only be shared by two people who know each other very well. There is a deep understanding between them, one that doesn't need to be spoken out loud.

Killua gazes at Gon, taking in his relaxed expression and the way the moonlight rays glow on his skin. His heart beats faster and he can feel the urge to reach out and touch him. But he holds back, afraid of how Gon might react.

…He needs to know.

“…Hey..” Killua bites his lip, “Gon..?”

He needs to know — otherwise, I won’t be able to control myself.

“Yeah, Killua?” Gon responds, turning his head slightly towards his friend. 

Killua stares into his eyes, his heart throbbing in his eardrums. He can feel the intensity of the moment; it's as if time has slowed down, and everything around him has gone silent. Killua tries to speak, but his voice fails him. He takes a deep breath and finally finds his voice.

“Do you...feel anything for me?” The boy blurts out, unable to hide the nervousness in his voice.

Gon's eyes widened in surprise.  

Killua is trembling with emotion, his eyes fixed on the other boy's face, waiting for a response. For a moment, there is only silence.

“I...I don't know, Killua,” Gon admits, his eyes shifting away from his friend's gaze. “...I'm not sure what it is,” he adds, his voice softening.

Killua’s heart sinks. He had hoped for a different answer, for something more definitive. But at the same time, he appreciates Gon's honesty.

“It's okay,” he says, forcing a small smile. “I just...needed to know-"

"I-I mean I like you," Gon says suddenly, swallowing a hot lump of saliva as he fidgets with his fingers. “…But…it feels…different.”

Killua’s heart begins to race. 

"Different how?" he asks, his fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt.

"I don't know," Gon admits, a furrow forming between his brows. "It's like…there's something more there, but I can't quite put my finger on it." The boy speaks softly. “It’s like…I want to be near you all the time, and laugh with you, and be close to you…a-and..” His sentence trails off as he feels his face heat up with embarrassment.

Killua's heart swells with hope as Gon speaks, and he listens intently to every word. When Gon trails off, he huddles closer to him, his eyes searching Gon's face.

"And what, Gon?" he prompts gently.

Gon takes a deep breath and meets Killua's gaze. "And maybe kiss you," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Oh. Killua tried to fight off the cheesy grin that was begging to form on his lips. Gon's face was red; and if anything, he looked adorable. Killua could feel his heart fluttering in his chest at the sight. He was so in love.

“I-...I think I like you,” Gon uttered quietly, looking away from Killua's intense gaze. “I-I like you, Killua.”

Killua's heart skips a beat, and he feels a shy blush creeping up on his own cheeks. “Like.. ‘like’, like?” He murmurs quietly, a sheepish grin forming on his lips as he huddles closer to the boy. 

“…Y-yeah,” Gon murmurs quietly, averting his gaze from Killua. His face was a beautiful shade of red, and Killua couldn't help but think how cute he looked. The silver-haired boy stared at him for a while, adoring him with a loving look in his eyes, completely enamored by nothing but Gon. 

“Gon,” Killua whispers, his breath shaky, "I like you too. A-A lot. More than you think."

Gon looks back at him, surprise and joy written all over his face. 

"R-Really?" he asks, and Killua nods. "Yeah, really. You've just been too oblivious to notice," He teases, and Gon playfully punches him in the arm.

They both laugh, the tension between them dissipating as they bask in the moment. 

Curiosity began to linger in Gon's fluttering spirit. "Since...since when?" He asks, pressing his body closer to Killua's. The silver-haired boy shifts to wrap his arm around Gon's shoulder, enjoying the warmth of their bodies together.

They sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. Killua takes Gon's hand in his, intertwining their fingers together. Gon blushes again, but this time it's from the warmth of Killua's touch.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," Killua shyly admits, looking at their intertwined hands. "Me too," Gon replies, smiling softly at him, nothing but love glistening in his dazzling eyes.

Killua leans closer to Gon, their faces inching closer together. Their breaths mingle, warm and sweet as they close their eyes and finally share their first kiss. It's gentle and hesitant at first but quickly deepens as they both feel the intensity of their emotions for each other.

When they finally pull away, they're both blushing and breathless. But their eyes lock onto each other's, and they both know that this is the beginning of something beautiful.

"I'm so glad I met you," Killua says.

"Me too," Gon replies, nuzzling into his embrace. 

Killua leans his head against Gon's, feeling a sense of contentment wash over him. For so long, he had felt alone and misunderstood, but with Gon by his side, he felt like he had found his place in the world.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Killua says, his voice barely above a whisper. "You'll never have to find out," Gon replies, squeezing Killua's shoulder.

And from that moment on, they know that they'll always be there for each other, through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad. They're each other's rock, their confidant, and their true love. And nothing can stand in the way of the bond they share.