Chapter Text
“Hey, you guys are my dads, right?”
Tighnari looked up from where he had been sketching out a mushroom Collei only vaguely recognized. “Yes? Have we done something to imply otherwise?” Worry slowly bloomed on his face, “Collei, you know we care about you deeply, right? Is there something we missed? Anything we can do?”
“No, no, no, nothing like that at all! I know you care! I really do!”
Seemingly as though sensing the cycle about to begin, Cyno finally spoke. “Yes, Collei. We are your dads. What brought this on?”
“Ok, great, so, follow up question. Is Albedo my dad?”
Cyno and Tighnari both fell silent, blinking for a moment. “What.”
“I mean, you’re both dating him, and you’re my dads, so would that also make him my dad? I know Kaveh sees me as a daughter, he doesn’t hide that, and Alhaitham’s a bit harder to read, but Kaveh said he forced him, basically, so that means that the other two people you’re dating are my dads, so is Albedo?”
The two men blinked, taking in the geyser of words thrown at them, sharing a quick glance towards each other. “Well,” Tighnari started, “We haven’t really talked about that with him, but-”
“He is.” Cyno interrupted. Noticing the annoyed look his husband was shooting in his direction, he raised an eyebrow. “Am I wrong? We are dating him, Collei is our daughter, I would hope he agrees. Besides, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, you were about to say it yourself.”
“Well-”
“Ok, so, if Albedo is my dad because he’s dating you guys, then does that make Kaeya my dad too?”
Both men once again fell silent, turning slowly to look at their daughter, confusion clear as day on their faces. “Collei,” Tighnari started slowly, “None of us are dating Kaeya, or are even considering it. What on Teyvat led you to believe that?”
“Well, I mean, Albedo’s my dad because he’s dating you guys, right? So he’s my dad because he’s dating my dads, which also applies to Kaeya, since Kaeya’s dating Albedo. And if Kaeya’s my dad, that would then make the red-haired tavern owner, uh, Diluc, I think his name was, my uncle, since he’s Kaeya’s brother? Right?”
“I suppose so.”
Tighnari snapped to look at his husband, “Cyno,” he hissed, “We can’t just volunteer someone to be a father or an uncle due to simply dating someone in our relationship!”
“Actually, Diluc would be an uncle even if Kaeya’s not my dad.”
“What.”
“Well, I mean, Lisa kinda, adopted me as her daughter. Said something about a Jacob situation, and how she’s getting payback? It was kind of unclear, but she’s married to Jean, so Jean’s a mom now, and Jean mentioned one time that she sees Diluc as a brother, which makes him an uncle, but in a different way.”
“First of all, Cyno.”
“Yes, dear?”
“I still blame you for that whole fiasco. Second of all, Collei, that’s still forcing someone to be your uncle, that’s not how this works!”