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Cody huffed to himself as he sat down at his desk. It would not be an exaggeration for him to say that everything was hurting.
The campaign he’d been on for the last month had been gruelling. It’d dragged for so long Cody had been convinced he’d never see the end of it.
He’d been so busy he’d even had to miss that months “CC-Social” group holocall. The Commander had been annoyed, obviously meeting with some of his closest brothers was important to him, but the mission always came first.
It probably hadn’t been that eventful anyway. At least he was going to be in attendance for that night’s call.
Cody activated the holo-projector on his desk and saw that the group call was already active. He clicked to join and typed in the password Bly had sent him.
“Cody’s here.” Gree announced unenthusiastically the moment the call let him on. Cody did worry about him sometimes, always so tired.
“Cody,” Wolffe addressed him immediately. “As a rough estimation how attractive would you say you find your General?”
“I- What?” Cody blurted and he could hear his brothers laughing in the background. “Hello to you too.”
“Yeah, yeah, hey.” Wolffe waved him off. “Answer the question.”
Cody blinked at his screen, taking in which of his brothers were actually present. Gree and Wolffe had their visual feed turned on and had appeared like little toys on Cody’s desk. Ponds and Bly were present but only had their audio feeds on and Fox was missing entirely. That was normal though, he usually forgot about “dumb brother bonding time” as he put it.
“Ok so,” Ponds spoke up. “Last meeting, Wolffe and I were telling the others about how we helped our Generals-”
“They Parent Trapped their Commanding Officers.” Gree said, with a level of mortification only little brothers could force onto a person. “I just- I thought I had at least a couple normal brothers.”
Bly turned himself off mute, presumably to comfort Gree, but all that came from his line was muffled computerised noises that indicated there was an issue and he quickly re-muted himself.
Bly: Sorry. came through as a written message.
“Wait, hang on.” Cody started. “Did they seriously not notice that you two switched places?”
Bly: There, there. Cody assumed that had been meant for Gree.
“We obviously skipped that part.” Wolffe rolled his eyes, making sure it was a big enough movement to be picked up through the holo.
Something in Cody’s head suddenly clicked. “Hang on are General Windu and General Koon together?!”
“I was waiting for that shoe to drop.” Gree said, smirking at Cody from his place on the desk.
“Yep!” Ponds said proudly. “And it was all our work. Now we both have two dads!”
“What?” Cody was still in shock. Mace and Plo, that- that just didn’t seem right.
Bly: children. Oh, that was an accusation and a half.
“We’re not kids,” Wolffe snapped. “We’re matchmakers.”
“That sounds like something a child would say.” Gree sassed.
“Wolffe’s taking it very seriously.” Ponds told Cody.
“Oh, is he now?” Cody raised an eyebrow at his possibly-a-furry brother.
“Well,” Wolffe started. “Everyone’s stupid,”
“Mhm mhm, I follow.” Gree gave an exaggerated nod.
“Kriff off,” Wolffe said off handily before starting again. “Everyone’s stupid and I’m not.”
“Are you sure?” Cody asked sympathetically but went ignored.
“So I figured I should just handle everyone’s love life.” He finished.
Bly: why care?
Because it’s fun” Ponds claimed.
“Shut up. This is my operation, you’re just an accomplice.” Wolffe turned on him.
“He’s been trying to figure out who he can get together next.” Gree gave context.
Cody thought back to the begging of the call and gave an offended gasp. “Are you trying to shove me and my General together?”
Bly: that’d be cute. Gree pulled a face at Bly’s message, clearly disagreeing.
“I’m not sure yet.” Wolffe contemplated. “I was also thinking maybe Kenobi and Rex so-”
“Absolutely not!” Cody scolded, the image of Obi-Wan and his baby brother dating filling him with an anger that was very hard to explain.
“Ayyyy” Ponds celebrated. “If you’re not interested you wouldn’t be so bothered!”
Bly: jealous
“And the first part of my plan is in action.” Wolffe patted himself on the back. “The first step for a matchmaker is to get your victims to succumb to their weak feelings of love.”
Bly: creepy
“I agree.” Gree said. “I would not be surprised to see you on a murder documentary one day.”
“Yeah, that was a bit odd.” Ponds agreed.
“I have not succumb to anything!” Cody snapped at them. “You are jumping to insane conclusions.”
“Cody.” Gree started. “I think, just this once, these idiots might be on to something.”
Bly: I’m just glad they’re not coming for me
“Your too obvious.” Wolffe acknowledged.
Bly: mean
“He is right, though.” Ponds agreed.
“You’re obsessed.” Gree chipped in.
Cody was a strategist. Deep down he knew that if they pushed this issue, he’d have to realise some hard truths about himself that he didn’t want to face. So the only real opinion was distraction.
“What about Rex and Skywalker?” He asked the group and they all jumped to talk at once. Falling for the bait like he knew they would.
He did feel a little bit bad throwing his brother to the wolves (literally) but Rex could take it. That man might be desperate, but he’s not Skywalker desperate. He’d never fall into Wolffe’s trickery.
“Stop!” Wolffe ordered after a moment. “Rex is already roped into my scheme to get Skywalker with Senator Amidala. Also I know what you’re doing Cody.”
“What do you think I’m doing?” Cody asked with a disappointed look. Play dumb, he thought, you can bluff through this.
“Trying to distract from your crush on General Skywalker.”
The group erupted into chaos once more and Cody was nearly sick. “I don’t think it’s possible to not like but not hate for the sake of your General as much as I don’t like but don’t hate for the sake of my General, karking Skywalker.”
“What?” Gree asked, too sleep deprived to process so many words.
Wolffe laughed semi-insanely. “Cody your face.”
“I am not in love!” Cody bear yelled. “With anyone!”
Bly: lier
“Well we all know that’s a lie.” Gree rolled his eyes.
Ponds laughed over his audio feed. “Cody and Obi-Wan sitting in a tree k-I-S-S-”
“What the hell I didn’t know you could spell.” Cody shot back at him.
“Shut up Ponds.” Wolffe agreed. “That’s childish, we’re better than that. We’re matchmaker.”
Gree smiled. “Helping poor romance diseased idiots find love in a hopeless galaxy.”
“I am not romance diseased! I. Am not. In love!” Cody yelled.
“Yes you are!” Ponds screamed back.
“Say it!” Wolffe demanded. “Say you’re in love with Kenobi!”
“No!”
The group slowly began chanting at him, like a group of amateur witches summoning a daemon. “Say it, say it, say it!”
Cody was only so wrong. He looked down to the floor to hide his face as he yelled, “I may or may not be in love with Obi-Wan!”
Not a sound came from his desk and Cody slowly looked up… to see Fox staring at him.
Bly: and I oop
Bly: jumpscare
The Coruscant Guard just looked at him for a moment before sighing. “I don’t know why I bothered. You all disappoint me in so many ways.”
“You love us really.” Ponds argued, but he was hesitant.
Fox sighed again, more dramatically this time, and then signed out of the call.
The group was silent for a moment before Cody noticed a small smirk on Wolffe’s face.
“What?” He demanded.
“You have to tell Kenobi now.” Wolffe smiled evilly.
“What?” Gree asked.
“Drama goes through the Guard like sand in the winds of Tatooine. He’s going to find out from someone, soon. Wouldn’t you prefer that someone to be you?” Wolffe was evil. Evil incarnate.
“Ooohh.” Ponds sounded gleeful.
“Damn.” Gree agreed.
Wolffe just smiled at Cody. “I am the worlds best matchmaker. My victims will always end up together.”
Bly: serial killer type behaviour