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Memories were blurry. Tim doesn't remember a time in his life where his brain wasn't totally fucked, but it seemed to be getting worse ever since he showed up. He shoved his little camera in his face, spinning some intricate lie about trying to continue Marble Hornets, that stupid fucking film project he got dragged into by Brian. Tim knew something about it was suspicious, the way he never stopped recording. The whole situation gave Tim a bad pit in his stomach. But he gave the man a chance.
Oh, how stupid he was. How stupid it was of Tim to think that anyone around him could possibly have good intentions. How stupid of him to think that things could possibly get better.
The fucker put his medical records on the internet. For the whole world to see. When Tim saw that video, hearing his name read out and snippets of his confidential information being sprawled out for the world to see, he wanted to vomit. How did he even get ahold of those?
Tim wasn't one to pull punches. And he sure as hell didn't when he finally confronted the lying bastard who fucked him over. The feeling of his fist connecting with the man's face, sending him into the concrete of the parking lot, left a satisfied buzzing in Tim's mind. Therapists were bullshit. Sometimes, violence did help.
But that satisfaction didn't last long. Because now he was here, stuck in the car with the same fucker who betrayed him. Sometimes he wished his spells of memory loss and consciousness would kick in while he sat in the passenger seat, across from Jay, listening to whatever "rock hard music" the shitty radio station decided to play, which mostly consisted with of Queen.
Tim was sure he wouldn't mind coming into consciousness, leaving Jay on the side of the road and driving off. He was angry, and when he got angry, violence tended to creep up into his mind, even if he didn't want it to be there. It almost felt like someone cracked open his skull, the soft buzzing giving him a headache, and implanted the idea of bashing Jay's head into the steering wheel into his mind.
As angry as he was, part of him understood the man's voyeuristic tendencies, his heedless courses of actions. The man was acting out of fear, instinct, a true survivalist. He'd seen the videos of him chasing after the poor guy. He was surprised Jay lasted so long. Tim being clad in that typical porcelain mask that sent shivers down his own spine when he saw it, a reminder of his inevitable succumbing to the other side of him.
To keep himself from blowing up on Jay, taking his camera and breaking it over the poor boys head, he instead opted for giving him the cold shoulder, turning the scratchy radio up loud and chainsmoking, letting out a rattling cough every now and then.
"Smoking kills, you know?" Jay let out a half-hearted chuckle, it was obvious he was trying to ease the tension. Tim's eyes shifted, shooting the man a glare. As he did, he caught sight of the way the golden sun crowned Jay's head in a halo of soft light.
Tim internally kicked himself. This man was nothing like an angel.
"So does being nosey." He snarkily commented, taking another drag, turning to Jay and blowing a cloud of smoke in his direction. Jay let out a few coughs, waving the smoke away.
"Would be nice if you didn't blow that in my face... at least not while I'm driving." Jay let out an annoyed huff, eyes shifting to glare at Tim, although there was a bit of lighthearted-ness to his gaze, much less stern and upsetting than Tim's.
"Yeah... whatever..." Tim grumbled, obviously done with the conversation.
Jay let out a sigh, catching Tim's attention for just a moment. "This is fucked. Ya'know."
Tim just stared, he wasn't sure if he should respond, if Jay wanted gim to respond. So instead, he quirked and eyebrow, urging Jay to continue.
"This whole... ordeal. Everything. You, me, Alex. It all fucking sucks." Tim could tell Jay needed some kind of outlet, so he didn't stop the boy as he continued rambling. "You don't deserve this, Tim. You.... you're a good man. God, a kid shouldn't have had to deal with... with that fucker." Tim recalled briefly telling Jay og how Tim saw "that fucker" long before Marble Hornets was a thing. How he could feel the buzzing in his skill for as long as he could remember, ever present and only getting worse as the years went on. For a long time, Tim was convinced it was all just another hallucination, the schizophrenia nipping him in the bud. But everything seemed to align so horribly perfect. Seeing the stark image of him on those tapes only further confirmed his suspicions.
Tim stared kind of dumbfoundedly at Jay. He wasn't sure what to say. The topic of his childhood, of "that fucker" always made him uneasy, but another part of him felt like the exposure therapy made it easier to cope with, to know that in some twisted sense, he and Jay were in the same boat, both of them clinging to eavhother to keep the other from going overboard.
"You just... I just.... God I hate this, Tim. I should have never gotten involved with this shit. I shouldn't have dragged you back into this, I-I'n so- fuck- I'm so sorry." The dam inside of Jay was broken. He seemed to be spilling every thought he had, tears clouding his vision as he did. His hands shook as he clutched the steering wheel, and Tim worried about the logistics of driving safely while crying.
"Pull over." Tim muttered. Jay, unsure of what Tim planned to do, but seeming to have an inkling of trust in Tim, obliged. He slowly pulled the car off the side of the road, putting it in park and staring down at the wheel as he seemed to have a death grip on it.
Jay sniffled, eyes still brimming and spilling with tears. He refused to look up, he just let his hot tears stream down his face, slowly gliding down his chin, his neck, and soaking into the neck of his shirt.
After a few moments of awkward silence, only broken by Jay's slowly quieting sobs, Tim silently reached over, placing a hand on Jay's shoulder. His grip was firm, but not aggressive. It was a silent reassurance. A way of saying "I'm here. You can cry" without Tim having to actually say it.
Suddenly, Jay's gaze shifted, and his eyes filled with horror as he stared at something just past Tim. Tim quickly shot his head around, searching for any kind of warning signs. There was nothing. Nothing except for the distant line of trees. Tim looked back to Jay, who had began to shake. Jay's breathing quickened, and his eyes were wide, stray mumbling escaping his lips.
"H-he's out there... isn't he. H-he's coming for us a-a-and he-"
Jay let out another sob. The shaking, the state of frozen shock,, the hyperventilating, the mindless mumbling, Tim had a vague idea of what was going on. He figured Jay was having some sort of panic attack, induced by the paranoia that "It" was out there, watching them.
Tim has had his fair share of these. He knew how to pull someone out of this state. He have Jay a soft gaze before unbuckling his seatbelt, turning and opening the door. He got out, turning to Jay. "I'm coming over there." He let Jay know he wasn't leaving him, reassuring him that his presence would return. He walked over to the drivers side of the car, popping the door open. He reached over Jay, and unbuckled his seat belt, reaching out a hand for Jay to grab. "We're going to go to the back seat. You'll have more space, you can lay down. You won't feel as cramped." Tim explained, his usual gruff tone replaced by a tender and cautious one.
Jay let out another sob. The shaking, the state of frozen shock,, the hyperventilating, the mindless mumbling, Tim had a vague idea of what was going on. He figured Jay was having some sort of panic attack, induced by the paranoia that "It" was out there, watching them.
Tim kept a firm grip on Jay's hand, trying to comfort him, reassure him.
"Jay... hey, listen. Its okay. Alex, The opera-"
"Dont say its name-" Jay quickly interjected, eyes wide with fear as he stared at Tim.
Tim nodded, continuing on. "-it is not there. You're okay, Jay. You're here. You're in the backseat for your car." Tim grounded him the best he could, a soft tone edging into his voice. He looked at Jay, a gaze that once only held contempt towards him, now only laced with concern and care. He was like him. He was scared.
Jay seemed to subconsciously lean into Tim's presence, the only constant in his boggled mind. This didn't go unnoticed by Tim, him being the ever observant man he was.
"How about you lay down. C'mon." Tim mumbled, awkwardly taking a hand and placing it behind Jay's head, leading him so that he could lay down. Jay didn't complain, and in fact seemed welcoming to the touch. He gingerly rested his head in Tim's lap, seeming hesitant at first, before the exhaustion of his slowly calming panic attack took over. "Good... now, breathe with me, kay?"
Jay didn't audibly respond, simply nodding. Tim gave him a half-smile, taking that as a yes, and he took a deep inhale for 4 seconds, holding for 8, and exhaling for 7. Jay followed suit, inhale, hold, exhale. The cycle repeated a few times until Jay's breathing became steadier, and he wasn't shaking with fear. Jay's eyes rested upon Tim's stark features. He found an odd sense of calm in the mind. To him, Tim was possibly the strongest person on the planet. If Tim could do it, then so could he.
The staring didn't go unnoticed by Tim. He gazed down at the man in his lap, eyes soft. Absent-mindedly, Tim's hand that rested behind Jay's head had began to carefully play with his hair, curling his fingers into it and releasing. When the action was noticed, Tim began to pull his hand away, unsure if the touch were bothering Jay. Before he could, Jay grabbed Tim's wrist, and he pushed his head back towards his hand. Almost like a cat.
He was kind of cute, when he wasn't being a nosey asshole.
Tim chuckled, returning to curling and unfurling his fingers around Jay's locks. The feeling seemed to calm Tim as well, the repeated action calming his ever-raving mind.
After a few moments, Jay's eyes seemed to be slowly drifting shut. Tim let out a hum, glancing up at the front seat. "We gotta get going, Jay." Tim mumbled, glancing up to the front seat. Jay let out a defiant groan, shaking his head, bring his hands up, placing them against his chest and dragging them down in a semi-circle motion.
Tired.
Tim was aware of Jay's tendency to go non-verbal. He often experienced the same thing. He nodded softly. "It's okay, I'll drive." Tim hummed. "You wanna stay back here so you can spread out?"
Jay quickly shook his head. Tim didn't blame him. The dark and dim backseat didn't seem like avery comforting spot at the moment. "Alright, come on, I gotcha." Tim popped open his door, allowing Jay to sit up before he slid out, Jay following him in the process. Jay sleepily stumbled next to Tim, Tim keeping a tight grip on him as he opened the passenger door and helped Jay sit down.
For a few minutes the car ride was silent, the only sound being the soft sound of the radio, turned down so that it wouldn't disturb or overwhelm Jay.
Tim felt a tug on his sleeve. He looked over, finding Jay leaning closer to him. Jay watched him for a moment before signing.
Talk to me.
Tim looked back to the road for a moment before his gaze returned to Jay. "Talk to you? 'Bout what?"
Anything
Tim nodded, thinking for a moment.
"I used to hate you." Wow, harsh opening. He looked over, seeing a panicked yet understanding look upon Jay's face. "I was... angry. And my mind was fucked and I just. Raged. Not saying that you publishing my medical files online for all to see is okay, but what I'm saying is... I understand. You.... you're scared. You never intended to get dragged into this and you are just trying to help. I honestly think it's a bit admirable." Tim let out a short chuckle. "I wanted to have something to hate. Someone to blame and take my anger out on other than myself. And you were right there and I just- I shouldn't have punched you. I'm sorry, about that. Hope I didn't mess up your cute face too bad." Voicing his concern had always been an issue for him. It still was an issue, but it was obvious that Jay wanted some sort of reassurance. Tim was willing to give it.
You think my face is cute?
Jay cheekily grinned, and Tim just stared, sputtering for a moment. "Thats not- no- i-"
Jay chuckled, the noises catching Tim's attention, embarrassment of being caught in the act of complimenting someone written all over his face.
I think your face is cute too.
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Part of Tim wanted to hate Jay. He wanted to despise him. But he couldn't. No matter what he did, he couldn't stop liking him.