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Chip sat down on his bed, his right arm clutching onto his shoulder as he winced in pain. His co-captain searched through a pile of things across the room, peering over to check on Chip each time his breath hitched. The triton took hold of some bandages, tossing them over his shoulder.
The bandages were caught by Chip, an ache in his arm as he moved to reach for them. He turned them over awkwardly in his hands, trying to distract himself from the silence. The sheets of the bed clung to Chip’s skin, nervousness crawling up his spine as an unnerving chill. Trickling water echoed from the corner of the room, Gillion scooping water into a bucket, a cloth in his other hand. It went the same way it usually did, except Chip sat in Gillion's usual place, and Gillion stood in his.
This interaction felt like a routine by now; it wasn't rare that the two would care for each other's wounds after a rough fight. Cleaning away blood and bandaging where necessary. It had been terrifying and later relieving, a strange way of bonding the two had seemed to settle with. It had taken a lot of persuasion to convince Gillion, despite Chip's constant offers of help. The triton’s pride denied him from accepting support, no matter how desperate he was. After all, it had been foreign to Gillion. The idea of another person caring for him felt strangely unusual. The elders would have never allowed it. If anything, they’d have scolded someone for helping him. The champion was supposed to be capable of supporting himself.
Both pirates remembered the first time he had given in; the memory ran through their minds like a dream. It had been a tough fight; the hero stood ahead of his friends to take the creature's deadly blows. Slashing, scratching, clawing. It didn’t take long for him to go down, the creature killed soon after with a strike. Gillion came to learn that some things even armour could not protect you from, the dented metal digging into his chest. He’d come out fine in the end, Jay stabilising him with the last of her strength. Chip refused to leave his side, refused to let him ‘take care of his injuries himself’. Sure he and Jay looked rough too, but definitely nowhere near the triton.
Chip knew Gill was fucked up, and like usual he insisted. He always insisted, and for once Gillion was too tired to fight him off. He was too tired to deny, and maybe for once he could be selfish for a little comfort. He could be selfish and allow himself to be a little vulnerable.
It was an exchange between friends after all, and appeared to be important to Chip, so he let him. He rested on the floor of a cool bathroom, plates of armour placed beside him as the other tended to his wounds. Every bone in his body screamed to reject it, to save his honour, but his heart held him still. As Gillion battled with emotions, Chip struggled to restrain the underlying smile he carried as he wiped away the dirt and blood from his skin. Of course, he was ridden with concern and sympathy alongside it, but Gillion had trusted Chip to lay himself vulnerable in front of him. He found love inside being trusted, even if he wasn't the greatest at earning it.
Gill had been a mess during the exchange, as he was each time following. Concerns he carried each time lingered as his hands trembled. It was terrifying how something could feel so right and so wrong. How Chip was too close yet he wanted him closer.
Growing up, the champion never received this kind of care; it was frightening yet welcomed. It made Gillion feel things he had never expected of himself, things that had been forbidden.
By the time Gillion found he had settled into the feeling, it would be over. Chip would walk away, and he would be left with the aching of his wounds and heart. However, the circumstances seemed to change this time. Chip took the fall, and Gillion insisted on returning his favours.
It was warmer now, stuffy air crowding the small storage room that doubled as a nursing area for the crew. Gillion sat next to Chip on the bed, dipping the cloth into the water and wringing some of it back out. It wasn't often Chip would throw himself into the fight, let alone take the hit for someone else. Neither of the two were sure what had come over him.
Chip thought over the fight, his action so quick it felt unbelievably hard to remember. The image of Gillion plagued his mind; curled over, blood pouring out of his wounds. The triton carried his usual stupidly determined expression, occasional winces of pain leaking through as he pushed himself to stand again. Of course he did, he wouldn’t stop fighting even at his lowest.
Gillion washed the cloth over Chip's skin, cleaning away the blood from his cuts and trying to focus on his task through his concern. Chip refused to watch him; his eyes fixated on a corner of the room. Why had he jumped in to take that hit? Of course, he was glad Gill was safe; he wouldn't exchange that for anything. Still, it wasn't like himself to be so noble. That was Gillion’s deal right? He was the hero, Chip stood by him.
Yet it hadn’t been that way, the triton pushed himself further than usual, and in the heat of the battle, the enemy found him weak. Chip couldn’t let it happen.
"You had no need to put yourself at risk like that", Gillion spoke, less afraid of voicing his thoughts. He didn’t stir or stop what he was doing, there was nothing but a shameful air around him. "It is my fault you are injured. I apologise."
Chip's eyes widened at his direct approach; it wasn't his fault in any way. His breath caught in his throat, nerves building inside his chest. God he didn’t really want to talk about this right now, his ribs ached with every movement.
"You would do the same thing for me; it's not really a big deal," he replied, attempting to push away the conversation. Chip could recall countless times Gillion had tossed him to the side to take a nasty blow, using his armour or training to justify his irrational behaviour. It pissed him off. Why could he get himself hurt for Chip?
Gill tugged a little at chip's undershirt, thinking over his words and trying to reach his wounds without moving the fabric against them. He supposed Chip was right, but it was different. Chip could handle himself when he needed to, he was witty and had fast footing in the heat of battle. Still, Gillion had greater endurance, protected by heavy armour that Chip couldn’t carry. It only made sense, he was trained for this.
Chip brushed Gillion’s hands away to untie the threads of the shirt's collar, and he paused for a moment. His fingers traced the split ends of his tunic. The triton looked at him unsure; Chip didn't open up like this often. He'd always been reserved when it came to this sort of situation. Gill had assumed it was something he was insecure about and let him be.
Letting out a long exhale, Chip pulled the shirt over his head, peeling it away from his bloody wounds. He hissed at the pain, the cool air tingling his skin. It felt like he was burning, like his muscles were aflame.
Gillion frowned at the sight of the gashes; the creature had dealt a lot of damage to his chest and blood hastily dripped down. Chip allowed the torn clothes to slip from his hands to the floor, staring down where it landed. He was nervous to show himself like this, he’d never thought his body was flattering. Still, Gillion had trusted him before, and that comforted him enough to believe he could trust him too.
Gillion’s hands hesitantly trailed over his chest, gentle with his claws. He watched Chip’s distant gaze, locked away from him. Gillion felt himself drowning in guilt as he squeezed some water out of the cloth to begin cleaning away the blood. Chip shivered from the touch, he was aware that Gillion was tense above him.
What was he supposed to say? Chip knew reasoning with Gillion was difficult, his thought process was drilled into him. It was hard to crack through, but he seemed to slowly get better at understanding him too. It was hard to find worth in reasoning with Gillion when he always seemed to be arguing with himself in his mind. Chip huffed, allowing words to loosely tumble out of his mouth, tired enough to let down his filter more.
"I don't regret it", Chip muttered, sitting up to meet blue eyes. He quickly continued before Gillion could have a chance to silence his escaping thoughts with some kind of poetic apology.
"Gillion. I refuse to watch you throw yourself in harm's way for me over and over. Not without doing anything..." He trailed off momentarily as the triton grumbled, his expression changing between concern, anger, and confusion. He began to wash away at the injuries again.
"Chip, I am capable of taking those hits", he replied cautiously, trying to put his reasoning into words. "I have been trained to withstand all kinds of injuries since I was a guppy, so you have no need to--" Chip cut him off with a shake in his voice. Why was this making him so emotional?
"I don't care! I'd do it again. I'd do it again a hundred times to stop you from being hurt like that." he exclaimed, trying to restrain his voice from getting the rest of the crew's attention. He wasn’t sure if he was talking about the battles they’d endured or the childhood Gillion had to live through. What little he’d heard from Edyn said enough. Chip’s heart ached for Gillion to understand, to accept that Chip cared. That he could be cared for.
"I can’t explain it to you, Gill. I just want to keep you safe."
The words sent an unfamiliar warmth through Gillion; he couldn't remember the last time anyone other than his sister had told him that, if ever. He trembled a little, desperately wanting to shut down Chip's care for him. What had he done to deserve it? He'd killed and slayed his entire life. Gillion Tidestrider was a coward if anything. He’d always just blindly followed orders. What would Chip have to gain from caring for him?
Gillion dropped the cloth back into the bucket and stood in front of chip. Despite his shaky hands he began to heal Chip's wounds; a glowing blue light surrounded his chest. The orange patterns and iridescent scales across his body lit up as he cast the spell; accompanied by the crown-like coral atop his head. Chip watched him, allowing Gillion to be left to his thoughts for a moment. Maybe he regretted saying what he had.
‘I just want to keep you safe.” repeated in Gillion’s mind, a nauseating warmth flooding his body as he picked apart the words. He struggled to focus on the task, glancing down at Chip who stared back at him with concern. He figured he must have wanted a response. Gillion huffed, rehearsing something in his mind while finishing the spell.
“I...” Why was this is so difficult? He fidgeted nervously with his hands as the glow dissipated. Chip always found some way to make the triton nervous, he wasn’t sure exactly sure what he did to make it happen.
Maybe it was his witty humour or his goofy smile, or the freckles that painted Chip's face that made his own feel warm and-
“You don’t have to say anything back Gill, I know I’m not...” Chip paused, “You don’t have any reason to worry for me. I just wanted you to know I care about you.”
Gillion’s heart sunk as he watched Chip turn away and pull the cloth out of the water. He continued to scrub away the blood from his chest, the wounds no longer spilling anymore. Chip carried a distant and tired expression, looking away from Gill, inviting him to leave if he pleased. It was unbearable. Gillion wanted desperately to console Chip and tell him he was worth every little thing above and below the seas that carried them. He wanted to let every feeling Chip made him feel spill out, fear and comfort and frustration. He wanted to hold the thief in his arms and prevent him from being hurt this way again. Gillion supposed he understood Chip’s futile attempts to guard him.
“Chip,” he spoke, feeling tears gather in his eyes. Chip softened at the sight of Gillion, throwing away his fear and hopelessness for just a moment to listen. Fuck he’d really said the wrong things.
“I can’t understand why you would want to protect someone like me, but I do know I couldn’t bear to ever lose you.” Gillion sniffled a little, trying to hold it in the best he could. His body was weak, drained from fighting and travelling even without major injuries.
Chip frowned, “Gill...” he trailed off, unsure what to say to something like that. It felt like a promise, a promise that they had each other's backs, that he cared too. Chip hadn't expected to ever have this conversation, to tell someone how much they mean to him and have the feeling reciprocated. It tugged at strings in his heart, leaving him speechless.
Gillion continued, throat hoarse and voice quiet. “I do not deserve to be treated this way by you,” he spoke, “You... you make me feel loved- and cared for and I- you make me feel things that I shouldn’t.”
Things that are forbidden. The words went unsaid.
The cloth dropped from Chip’s hands onto the bed. His body ached as he stood before Gillion, staring into his teary eyes. Gillion choked on a sob, arms were wrapped carefully around his waist. He accepted the embrace, leaning down a little to hug Chip back.
It was unbelievably fast, but they both sunk into it. Sure, Gillion was taller and bigger, but he’d never felt so small like this, not since the elders. Chip gently rubbed circles into the triton’s back, letting him hold onto him as much as he needed. Red flushed his face, but he pushed it aside. Gillion needed him right now.
“Gill, buddy I…” Chip bit his lip, thinking over what to say. How could he not deserve this? He was a hero, a champion. He was strong, and selfless and dedicated. He was Gillion.
“You deserve it all man, you’re incredible.” His voice became nothing more than a whisper.
“If anyone tells you otherwise they’re fucking wrong. -and I’ll kick their ass.”
Gillion sobbed a little, still almost silent besides his cries. Chip had never imagined him like this, raw and vulnerable and crying. Gillion was tough, unbreakable. It felt scary to be in the presence of it, like he was intruding upon something he was never supposed to see. He wondered if this is what Gillion really wanted, if he would have preferred never being raw and honest like this. Chip rested his head against, Gillion’s chest, heart beating by his ear. They still stood in the middle of the room, though neither had any intention to move.
“You’re allowed to be loved you know,” Chip kept speaking, muffled by the fabric of Gillion’s turtleneck.
“You’re allowed to have feelings, and be vulnerable, and be cared for. When I said I cared I meant it, whole heartedly.”
It was unlike him to say things like this and it was unlike Gillion to weep in his arms, so he figured they were both out of sorts today.
A soft hum left the triton, taking in Chip’s words. He could feel the blood remaining on Chip’s skin and sticking to his own, but it didn’t bother him. The arms around him grounded his thoughts. He raised a hand to tangle it in Chip’s hair, head pressed against his heart. Gillion was sure he could hear it thumping wildly.
It hurt to challenge this now, the elders, his childhood and his prophecy all at once. All he’d learned and all that Edyn had warned him not to trust was defied simply by falling for the man in his arms. Not only that, but allowing himself to bathe in it, to enjoy the love and support of his friends. It was weak of him to accept their kindness. He became weak the moment Chip pulled him onto their old ship. Despite the pain, despite the traitorous screaming of his mind, he didn’t regret it.
Gillion clung onto Chip with shaken arms, his heart bleeding out all that he’d fought to keep inside. Thinking over Chip’s words of comfort was melancholic, painful yet awfully soothing. He was loved, after everything. After heroism and betrayal and screwing up. He loved and was loved in return. What a terrifying thought.
Gillion’s lungs rattled, his throat dry and breath slowly steadying. Chip turned to look at him, gentle eyes and red embarrassment painting his face. Gillion felt the urge to be impulsive, to defy his calculated mind. Sniffles still escaped him, his arms loosening to hold each side of Chip’s face. The man faltered in his arms, releasing them to stare back at him with confusion.
Gill leant down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, a light-hearted smile on his face.
Chip felt his heart jump out of his chest.
It was quiet and still, the ship gently rocked aside with the sloshing of water. Jay's snores could be heard far in the room nearby him, and Ollie's gentle footsteps on the deck above. Yet the world felt still, like time froze in this room alone. Chip's burning face cradled by Gillion's steady hands, smiling like he'd always wanted to kiss him like this and looking at him as if he was worth being held in his hands.
“Thank you,” Gillion whispered back after minutes of silence. Maybe not much had been said, but it was enough to warm the aching in his heart. It felt a little like acceptance, even with the nerves of being rejected now that he’d opened up completely.
Chip’s eyes widened, heat rushing to his face as his legs wobbled a little. It had caught him off guard, the admiration in Gillion’s eyes. He’d kissed him. Gillion kissed him? Desire island flashed through his mind, the same raging butterflies in his stomach. He supposed it wasn’t exactly the first time they’d done something like this, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it ever again. He froze in place, one hand rising to rest over Gillion’s.
“You- I- huh?” He stuttered, trying to compute with his lack of energy and the lingering tingle on his forehead. Gillion hesitated, smile drifting as his hands fell away. His gaze became serious, a little unsure. A shaky exhale left his lungs, the two stood a few feet apart in the little storage room. He looked nervous again, and Chip watched with wide eyes as Gillion’s fins fluttered down. Chip’s hands felt sweaty, a shiver of anticipation crawled up his back.
“Chip,” Gillion spoke, hands fidgeting once again. The words were on his tongue, waiting to escape. Chip was sure he knew what was coming, he wasn’t ready to hear it.
“I love you.”
Gillion smiled, honest and open before him, ready to be denied again if so be it. Chip cared for him, and he deserved his truth. So he gave him the truth.
Chip choked, tears welling in his eyes.
It all came to a crash in his mind, the pining over Gillion, admiring him at the most inconvenient times. He’d talked to Jay, refusing to speak up, too scared to lose him. He’d lost too much, too many people, and he sure as hell wasn’t losing Gillion. Everyone he’d let in seemed to disappear in one way or another, he wouldn’t let destiny take this from him.
Chip wondered if Gillion had loved him on desire island, if it had haunted the triton in the same way. He wondered if he’d loved him when they’d fought each other, when they’d drank, when they’d been heroes or when they’d failed. He wondered how he could love a bastard. How could he kiss him like that? Love in his eyes and pouring into his words. How could Chip respond to something like this? He wasn’t nearly as poetic, he was messy, still bloodstained and bruised. There was too much to say in words, too much to express. How could anything suffice? Tears welled in his eyes, swimming down his cheeks. A grin crawled onto his face, child-like giddiness and fear overwhelmed him at once.
Gillion frowned, rushing forward to wipe his tears, unsuccessfully smearing them across his face as Chip laughed at the action. The triton caught his smile, relief rushing over him in a wave of cool water. It felt strange to be this close still, despite clinging to him just a few moments ago. Gillion hands drifted to wrap around Chip’s side, squeezing around the bone of his ribs and careful of the bruises that remained there. He laughed with him, Chip leaning his forehead against his own.
It felt like a weight lifting, like they were insane, perhaps dreaming, but it was enough. It was enough for their laughs to dissipate with smiles still plastered on their faces, and for Chip to unceremoniously kiss Gillion.
It was messy, uncontrolled. Definitely nothing like their first kiss, (the best damn kiss of Chip’s life) but the passion was still there. It was longer, at least it felt that way. Chip’s arms cradled the back of Gillion’s head to pull him in, mindful of his fins and coral. It felt like electricity shooting through his body. Gillion felt cold and soft, tasted like saltwater, just as he had the time before. Chip figured his lips were dry, wondered if his breath was bad in this moment, but Gillion paid no mind. It was dizzying, to be held and kissed, let alone by Gillion Tidestrider.
Eventually he pulled away for breath, gasping for air before his breath steadied. He felt good, Gillion’s eyes wandering his face, tracing his freckles and taking in his features. He should’ve felt insecure, should’ve turned away, but Gillion’s grin grounded him where he was.
“I think I always loved you,” Chip whispered, moving to squeeze Gillion’s hand, pained by his muscles moving.
The triton smiled, his sharp teeth clear and fins fluttering. He squeezed Chip’s hand back, a clear thought in his mind.
“It’s our destiny, Chip.” He smiled widely, absentmindedly running his tongue over his teeth.
Chip scoffed light-heartedly, face still warm and burning bright.
“Our destiny,” he repeated.
They stood for a while, centre of the storage room, between barrels and boxes. It was quiet yet comfortable, neither moving until Gillion looked over the mess of Chip’s bloody chest, the red staining his hands.
“I should probably bandage you up,” he suggested, not entirely keen on ending the moment. Chip had almost forgotten the pain, the rush of emotion and adrenaline soothing it for a while.
“Oh,” he’d almost forgotten to breath, “Yeah.”