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Mia’s life was a non-stop whirlwind of emails, trips, interviews, and calls. She could barely remember the last time she had slept a full seven hours in the past week. They were starting on a new movie and she was simultaneously the co-director of the film and the lead actress. Between managing the script and execution, there was lots of work to be done.
Mia jolted when her phone vibrated with several text message notifications sent by her friends inviting her out for a movie premiere. She wanted to tell them that she couldn't afford the time but another incessant string of buzzing from her phone made her falter. There wasn’t any harm in taking a break every once in a while, she decided. She usually never took a break unless it was for eating, for her family, or if her director forced her to have one. Shutting down her computer screen, Mia stood up and began to get ready.
After a hurried couple of minutes, Mia was able to do her hair and throw on a black dress, some matching shoes, and a cardigan. She sent a message to their group chat saying she’ll meet them at their apartment, then sprung out the door with her purse and keys.
The highway was impossible to deal with when they set off for the evening. As their car inched to an exit, they collectively agreed to pull off and grab dinner before the night became too old.
Mia’s stomach complained at her as they made their way up and down nearby streets. Few restaurants were open and even fewer piqued their interest until Mia found her friends huddled near the entrance of a colorfully lit bar.
As she approached them, Mia picked up on a faint jazzy melody.
“Do you want to check it out?” One of her friends asked.
And since there was no reason not to, they began their descent down into the bar. As they reached the bottom of the staircase, Mia paused upon finding a neon sign that was no doubt the name of the place.
Seb’s it read, with a music note replacing the apostrophe.
A sudden wave of realization washed over her like a bucket of ice. This wasn’t any bar, it was Sebastian’s jazz club.
As if she were on autopilot, she followed her friends out of the lobby and into the main area. A wall she briefly stalled by was filled by posters and picture frames of famous musicians and quotes. A wooden stool she was all too familiar with was posed on a pedestal. It was the same one in Sebastian’s apartment that he called off-limits to anyone looking for a seat. “Hoagy Carmichael sat on that!” he would say over and over again. The fact that he cared so much was endearing, or at least it used to be.
From inside the club, the music was unsurprisingly louder, but more vivid and bright. She listened closely and found that there were no electronic qualities to the sound. No synths or digitally produced effects. It was pure, unadulterated jazz. The kind Sebastian lived for, and the kind he made Mia fall in love with.
Mia’s friends had saved her a seat in front of the stage and she quickly made her way to it, weaving through crowds of people. She realized she must’ve arrived at the tailend of the performance when the musicians parted from their instruments and let their last note die away. The audience immediately erupted in applause and whoops.
“Cal Benett on sax! Javier Gonzales on trumpet!” A voice exclaims. The source of that voice briskly walked to the center of the stage, grabbing hold of the microphone. Mia’s heart nearly stopped when she caught sight of that dark blond mop of hair she found to be all too familiar. He turns to his band and continues calling out their names before Mia could manage anything more than a glimpse of his side profile.“The lovely Nedra Wheeler on bass. The one and only Clifton “Foufou” Eddie on drums! A little too good on piano– so good he’s gonna own this place if I’m not careful Khirye Tyler, everybody.”
No amount of acting experience or professionalism could veil Mia’s inner turmoil when the speaker– Sebastian – turned back around. He inevitably found her and caught her eyes, and all Mia could do was purse her lips and remain quiet, like the rest of the audience had.
Because they hadn’t spoken in so long, Mia had sometimes wondered what she would say to him if they had the opportunity to. The thought of it was always a deliberately fleeting one because Mia didn't want to spend too much time thinking about something that she believed would never happen. But now that they’re both here after five years with only a taunting distance between them– now that he’s not just someone who visits Mia in her dreams, now that she had the chance, she couldn’t help but imagine.
Perhaps aware of or mirroring her distress, Sebastian’s brow furrowed marginally and he held their eye contact for another long second before he diverted his sight completely, talking into the mic with much less vigor than before. “Welcome to Seb’s,” was his curt message.
Khirye, the pianist, removed himself from the piano as Sebastian assumed his spot.
Regardless of whether the lights had dimmed to focus the spotlight on only Sebastian or her vision had tunneled, she watched him intently, not missing the way his chest rose unevenly before placing one of his hands on the keys or how his mouth seemed to be stuck in a hard line. The audience was silent as they anticipated his performance.
Then after a few suspenseful moments, he began to play a slow string of notes that rang out like they were calling to her.
Mia would do anything to know what was going on inside Sebastian’s head. Did the tension in his jaw mean he resented her now? Or did he miss her? Did he wish they'd never meet again? Oblivious to all her questions, Sebastian’s left hand joined his right and he let his fingers travel across the piano.
Mia quickly became lost in its sound, unconsciously succumbing to the memories that flooded her. When the music swelled, Mia envisioned their first real meeting in that old diner she couldn’t remember the name of. This time, instead of brushing right past her like she didn’t exist, Sebastian swept her into his embrace, and they fitted like matching puzzle pieces.
In her imagination, they still lived together in Los Angeles. Sebastian had quit his old busking job he didn’t like the manager of, and Mia never had to suffer through the poor reception of her one-man stage play or give up acting. They had a beautiful house and family, and all they ever needed in this dreamland Mia conjured up was each other.
She remembered their last few moments on a park bench outside the Planetarium and how she admitted that she would never stop loving him. Distantly, Mia came to the realization that she hadn’t lied.
As the music slowed and inevitably stopped altogether, she blinked away the moisture that involuntarily formed in her eyes. While the audience and his bandmates cheered, Sebastian merely detached his hands from the piano and rested them on his lap. He seemed deep in thought, maybe just like she had been.
Mia and her friends slipped away as the commotion died. They told her they needed a real dinner before the night escaped them, and once Mia half-heartedly agreed, they walked up the entrance and left, unknowing of her conflict. She shot a longing, final look over to the stage.
Sebastian had finally stood up and bowed, reclaiming his position at the microphone.
“Twenty minute intermission!” He said, the energy in his voice betraying his expression. He stepped off the stage and began moving to the back of the club. Instinctively, Mia’s feet began carrying herself over, the distance between them closing far more rapidly than her mind could keep up with.
She couldn’t allow him to slip away so easily or allow the night to end without Mia being able to communicate any of her thoughts. She needed answers to her questions. And they both needed a better closure than the one they had five years ago, telling each other goodbyes neither of them truly meant.
Sebastian’s hair came into view as Mia approached him. He stood leaning against the counter, nursing a glass of beer. With his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, he looked the exact same as Mia remembered, like a memory had come back to life. He hadn’t quite noticed her yet amongst the bustle of people in her way.
Mia wanted to tell him about her new project. The one where she was the director and lead actress at the same time. She wanted to know what he would think and if he recalled the last time she was the director of anything that didn’t blow up in her face. She wanted to ask why he kept the logo she designed for the place and wanted to know if he had watched her movies and missed her.
Sebastian realized her presence only a few, short moments later.
Mia exhaled deeply and closed their distance so they were only a foot apart. Maybe having a script or some lines to rehearse could’ve helped prepare Mia for this moment, but she found that she didn’t need any.
She watched as the corners of Sebastian’s mouth tilted upwards into a small, discreet smile behind his glass. If that was anything to go by, Mia had the feeling she made the right choice not running away.
Things would be different this time. She would make sure of it.