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"sir, ah, what was-"
"stanley." the king turned on his heel and began walking briskly out of earshot of his kingdom, clearly expecting the knight to follow him. "we mustn't have these talks in this company."
stanley nodded quickly and jogged slightly to catch up. they exited the brush and made their way out behind the fence that sectioned off the kingdom from what that fatass wizard had claimed to be "no man's land." they stopped next to the sacred tree, the only fruit tree that had somehow managed to survive the terrible colorado climate.
the king clasped his hands behind his back. "now, what was your question, my dear knight?"
the knight coughed quietly and avoided eye contact. "your highness, you seemed… off when the bard was reporting to you. are you quite alright?"
kyle blinked in surprise and almost broke character. "wh- pardon?"
stan covered his mouth to hide the laugh he was desperately trying to control. "you- you know. you, uh, look tired, or something."
the king narrowed his eyes. "don't laugh at me."
"i would never, your highness." the knight cleared his throat.
"you'd better not. anyway, i am tired, not that it's any of your business." the king sighed. "that damn wizard 'king' has gotten so bad that i've had to stay up late to just figure out our battle plans." kyle's facade wavered. "i fucking hate him so damn much, stan. this game isn't fun anymore with the way he's acting."
stan nodded solemnly. "we can change games, dude."
"i don't want to do that, i like being king, but jesus tapdancing christ. i need a vacation or something."
stan chuckled.
"i said not to laugh at me, jackass," kyle commanded, though a small grin found its way onto his face. "you douche."
"it's kinda funny, dude. i'm sorry."
"yeah, whatever. i'd like to see you try to make battle plans."
"is that an offer?"
"yes."
"okay, man. i'll figure something out for you and we can work it out together. you need sleep." stan pulled his friend into a one-armed hug.
"yeah, whatever. thanks." kyle leaned away slightly with a red face and a jokingly annoyed expression.
the king cleared his throat. "ahem. uh, enough of all that. i'll announce to the army that you're going to be taking partial control of the military, if that's alright with you."
the knight nodded and bowed to his king. "of course, your majesty."
"dude, gay."
"what?! that's not gay!"
"it totally is."
"fuck you." stan laughed.
kyle winced. "i'd rather not."
"in a non-sexual way, you asshole!"
they both snickered.
"alright, stanley. time to get back to the kingdom." the king gestured back to his house's backyard- uh, sorry, he means, his kingdom.
"yeah, you're right, my lord." the knight straightened and offered his hand. he smiled when his king took it. they walked back to the base together.
"dude, they're so totally gay," cartman wheezed into a walkie-talkie from the bush he was hiding in.
"mmff, mf mmmhhh! hmm hmph."
"shut up, kinny! you don't know anything about war!"