Chapter Text
On the surface, everything was generally going…fine. They had an amazing boyfriend who cared so much about them and how they felt. They knew that if…they talked about how they felt right now he’d listen attentively, comforting them. Saying they’d always be friends…
They sighed. Putting a pair of scissors they’d been holding up to their hair, ready to make the chop, back into their desk drawer. They wanted to talk to Nick, so so badly. But they…didn’t even know if they really were…that.
Think of the devil, honestly, because their phone lit up with a notification.
Nick <3: are you okay wil?
They frowned at the screen. They’d told Nick to stop calling them by their full name a few weeks ago, to which he made the change without question. It felt…better. Right. It was a bit hard to process, how much better that felt.
Most people at their schools didn’t really…understand how the two of them got together. Nick was into sports and rugby, he was fairly well known for being the guy that a lot of girls wanted to get with. Which they didn’t even understand, and they were dating him.
They were the kid who had to stop riding the bus because Truham boys kept tugging their hair and throwing their books out the window. They were the kid who everyone called “weeping willow” because they started crying at Truham-Higgs sports day after they got tripped during the 500 meters.
And they were dating one of the most well-known guys at Truham.
But the fact of the matter was, they had met at a party, where they both tried very hard to avoid people that their friends claimed they had crushes on. And ended up watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Nick’s phone until his friends called him away. At that point, they added each other on Instagram, and well…A few months later, now they’re dating.
But that doesn’t really…change how wrong they felt. Everything felt wrong. Every day they put on their Higgs uniform and feel like it wasn’t the second skin Tori said it was supposed to feel like. They hadn’t told…anyone. Really. They tried to talk to Elle about it, she was a trans woman, and if…they really thought hard they thought they might be a trans man…But she said if they were really feeling like they might not be a girl, she wouldn’t be the one to talk about that to. That trans men and trans women have different journeys and experiences. And even then, it was all trans people.
So, they did a lot of googling. And continued to live in a very deep state of denial.
Willow S.: yeah. i’m okay!
Nick <3: Not convinced! Want me to come over with cookies? :)
Their stomach twisted at the idea. It wasn’t…intentional to start eating less. But they’d noticed that their period went away when they had lost enough weight. And the desire to keep it away kept them from eating as much as they should. They knew it was bad…but it just…that combined with how good it felt to have some semblance of control over their life (which they felt was currently going to shit). It was too hard to resist.
Willow S.: maybe we could walk nellie?
Nick <3: Okay!! Meet halfway?
Willow S.: Yeah <3
Nick <3: See you in 5.
They slid their shoes on before closing their incognito tabs. There was no way that they were going to let their parents know they had been feeling like this. But…they really wanted to talk to Nick.
Nick was waiting on the bench he usually sat at when they met up. He was taller and therefore walked faster than they did. He waved and got up, kissing them on the cheek and grinning. But after he looked them in the eyes, he frowned.
“You look like you want to talk about something…”
“I…kinda do?” They laughed awkwardly. “I don’t wanna break up! I-It is not that!”
He relaxed a bit at that. “Okay…uhm. Walk and talk? Or did you want to go to the park?”
“Park…” They mumbled. Nick took their hand and swung their arms as they walked to the park. When they got there, they let Nellie loose to get her zoomies out, and the two sat together. Holding hands, with Wil leaning their head on Nick’s shoulder.
“So…What’s up…?”
“So uhm…” They inhaled. “I’ve been…doing some research…on being transgender?” they flinched as the words came out of their mouth. “I don’t…I really don’t think that…I’m a girl…”
Nick inhaled. “Oh.”
“...I-I still like you…I-It’s not that I like girls or anything- n-not that liking girls is a bad thing…!”
“Wil-”
“A-and I know you’re straight so you probably wouldn’t want to be with me after this but that’s okay…! I-I wanna stay friends a-and-”
“Wil!”
“It’ll be really awkward because I like you so much b-but it’ll be okay! I don’t want to lost you, you’re my best frien-”
“WIllow!” He grabbed their shoulders. Effectively startling them out of their spiral. “Sorry- I shouldn’t- have called you that.” He let them go, taking a hold of their hands. “I support you…and I want to stay friends…” He smiled. “Have…do you want to be referred to with he/him pronouns?”
They thought for a long while. Nick patiently waits, occasionally throwing Nellies ball out. “Yeah…Would that…be okay?”
“Of course, Wil.” He kissed his forehead. “What’s our next step?”
“...Uhm…” He looked down. He didn’t really…know? “I…any changes I want…I have to ask my mom…or dad…”
“We can write a letter?”
He nodded softly. They collected Nellie and went back to Nick’s, where they wrote a letter to give to his parents. It took a while. But eventually, they made their way back to the Spring’s house.
His mum opened the door. She really liked Nick, since he defended him against the arseholes at their schools. “Nick! We weren’t expecting you…” She eyed him.
“Er- Yeah. Willow… wants to talk to you and Mr.Spring about something?”
“I-I’m not pregnant!” He added to that. “This is…not about that.”
She frowned. “I wasn’t really thinking that but…Thank you for clarifying. Go sit down, I’ll get your father.” She led them into the living room, he sat on the couch, Nick’s arm around his shoulders. It felt so soothing…it hurt his heart to know that it’d be going away so soon.
His dad walked in “Willow- Please don’t tell me-”
“I’m not pregnant, we’re not having sex…” He mumbled. “It…It isn’t like that.”
He cleared his throat. “That….is good. What’s up.”
He began reading the letter. He tried to gauge his parent's reactions. His father was just nodding along, listening respectfully, and holding Jane’s hand. His mom seemed…a bit more on edge. He folded the letter and looked up at them.
“Does…That mean you and Nick are…” Julio cleared his throat. “Sorry. It wasn’t…When Tori came out to us it wasn’t exactly…”
“Like…this.” He finished for them.
“Yes…Does that mean you and Nick are….gay?”
He opened his mouth to start explaining, but Nick spoke first.
“Wil- He is but- I’m…thinking I might take some time to think about my sexuality. See if…I still like him when he presents more like a him?”
He blinked, staring at him in awe. “Really…?”
“Well- Yeah. I think…I like you because you’re you.” He smiled.
“Willow…” His mother began. But shook her head. “Is Wil what you prefer?”
“Uhm…” He looked down. “I…was thinking I could…go by Charlie…”
“Charlie…?” His mum tilted her head. “Like your uncle?”
He nodded. “You…talked a lot about how much you missed him when I was a kid so…”
“His full name was Charles.” She smiles softly. “Charles Francis. Is that…what you want?”
He nodded. “Is that okay?”
She nodded. He could tell she wanted to cry. “Oh…We’ll need to get you a haircut and talk to the school. But after everything with that friend of yours…you’ll probably have to stay at Harvey Greene until you’re in sixth-form…that’s not that long. Is that alright? Oh…Do you need new clothes? I guess not…” He watched as his mother tried to plan this all out.
“Uhm…C-Can Nick and Tori cut my hair?”
“Men’s…haircuts are a bit more…”
“I cut my own hair.” Nick piped up. “I can do it.”
“Jane?”
“Oh that…Whatever Charlie wants.” He could tell she was…overwhelmed and emotional. He just…felt grateful that they weren’t angry and…seemed to be accepting. He got up, starting to go upstairs.
“Charlie…?” His dad hugged him. “I know…that some people like you don’t like…” He inhaled. “Certain….Parts of their body. But you can’t…surgery isn’t…One of my co-workers son’s, he is…like this and she told me about the process and-”
“Theres uhm…Like a type of…It’s like an undershirt but it…compresses your chest. It’s called a binder…?”
“Do you…would you like one?” He was just in shock at this point. He nodded. “Go ahead and…get one whenever you’re ready.”
The world he thought was crumbling was starting to change.
He sat in his desk chair between Nick and Tori. Nick was holding clippers, and Tori was holding the scissors he had almost used to cut his hair off just an hour or so earlier.
“I’ll cut his hair as short as I can, then you use the clippers.” Tori grinned and got to work. He tried to sit as still as possible. Letting Tori cut, and trying to ignore the buzz of the clippers once Nick got to work. But when he looked at himself in the mirror, he almost started crying.
His hair was pretty short on the sides, and his hair was curly and fluffy on the top. He ran his hand through it and laughed. Nick wrapped his arm around his shoulder again. Tori stood behind them ominously.
“You look handsome.” She said, grinning around the straw she had in her mouth.
“You really do.” Nick smiled. He leaned in to kiss him but stopped. He leaned back and tried to hide what Charlie sorta identified as a Bi-Panic.
They spent some time all together. His parents sat him down after a bit to discuss things. What they’d say to the school and if they should work on getting him to see a doctor so he could medically transition. It was all…a lot. He said he’d think about if that’s what he wanted. Nick suggested that they go show Sarah. So…that’s what they did.
“Oh, Willow! Your hair looks so good!” She held Charlie’s face and smiled. “You look so masculine!”
He grinned at that. “T-Thank you. Uhm…It’s…” He looked at Nick.
“He…Goes by Charlie now.”
“Charlie…” She smiled. “That’s such a nice name! I think it suits you very well. Would you like a hug?”
He hugged her tightly. “Thank you, Sarah. For all your support.”
She nodded. “I do…have a question?” They looked at her. “Are you two…still dating?”
Charlie let Nick talk. It was his sexuality that was being considered here. “I…I wanna take some time to consider…who I am…but…” He mumbled the next thing he said. “He looks so good…”
He leaned his head onto Nick’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure what was going to be next for them, but no matter what their worlds would be intertwined.