Archive of Our Own

Realization hits Buck at the tail end of a twelve hour shift. He was in the bunkroom about to try and get a nap in before the bell rang again when the thought crossed his mind and he was immediately getting up and rushing out of the room. He went up to the loft taking two steps at a time and sprinted to the lounge where Eddie was lazily scrolling through his phone. 

“I’ve been thinking.” Buck says, trying— and failing— to catch his breath from the sudden rush of sprinting through the firehouse with his still half-sleep dazed mind. 

“That’s dangerous.” Eddie responds not looking up from his phone but still a teasing smirk playing on his lips. Buck simply huffs out a breath in offense at the words which earns a chuckle from Eddie as he finally sets down his phone and looks over at the man still struggling to catch his breath. “You were thinking.” Eddie says, encouraging Buck to finish now that his attention is fully on him. 

“We’ve been dating for a little over two weeks now.” Buck states, finally evening out his breathing. 

Eddie purses his lips. “Two weeks, three days, and-” He pauses to look down at his watch. “Roughly seven hours.” Eddie’s interest for keeping specified time on certain things can slightly annoy Buck at times, but this time around it has his heart skipping a beat and a fond smile tilting the corners of his lips upward.

“Right,” Buck says, then clears his throat, “and I realized that we haven’t even been on a first date yet.” His words have Eddie furrowing his eyebrows as if he’s thinking it over, and then realization softens on his face. 

Two weeks, three days, and roughly ten hours ago was when everything and nothing all changed at once. Buck was looking after Christopher while Eddie was away for one of his extra long therapy sessions with Frank. Buck knew the drill— hell three years worth of Eddie seeing Frank the drill really did simply become instinct. 

Buck always cleans up around the house, helps Christopher as best as he can with his homework or school project that he might have, and always has a comforting home-cooked meal waiting for Eddie when he comes home. It’s not like Eddie really asked— or even expected— Buck to do any of that, but Buck knows what it’s like coming back after letting yourself be practically dissected by someone whose job it is to not only give you sympathy but peel back the layers of yourself that you desperately don’t want the world to see. So, he simply wanted to make things easy for Eddie every single time he comes home from a therapy session. 

That particular night there was an abnormality in Buck’s routine. The abnormality consisted of three pounds of flour and more chocolate chips than Buck has probably ever seen in his entire life at once. To be fair the reminder for the twelve dozen cookies that Christopher signed Eddie up for for the big end of the year classroom party had been marked on the calendar for weeks now, but it seemed to have slipped Eddie’s mind because it was the night before the party and there were no cookies in sight. 

So, Buck took it upon himself to save Eddie— and Christopher’s entire class— the trouble and baked the cookies himself when a very panicked Chris mentioned it. He had started to get into baking anyways so he really didn’t mind, especially when Christopher was right by his side with a matching apron helping him out— well until they got halfway into dozen three and Chris tapped out. 

It was definitely a shock when Eddie came strolling in the door to find Buck in the kitchen, flour dusted on his cheek and eleven dozen chocolate chip cookies on every surface of the kitchen— and dining room— and the last dozen still baking. 

Buck was smiling and fetching Eddie’s saved dinner plate from the microwave, because of course he still made a comforting home-cooked meal despite having his hands full with over a hundred cookies. Buck was rambling on about his and Christopher’s day while Eddie was off at therapy and explaining the whole reason behind the cookie-pocalypse, as Christopher called it, when Eddie grabbed him by the face and kissed him. 

He kissed him so senseless that Buck quite literally forgot what he was even talking about before their lips met that first time. It wasn’t exactly how Eddie was planning on confessing his feelings— he had been planning on what to say and do for weeks with some guidance from Frank— but he couldn’t help himself. 

He couldn’t just not kiss Buck when he spent the entire evening not only taking care of Chris and making dinner but also willingly going to the store and buying all the ingredients to bake over a hundred chocolate chip cookies from scratch when Eddie was just planning on going to the store in the morning to get some pre-baked ones for Christopher’s class party. Besides, it’s not like either of them were complaining about how Eddie decided to break the borders of their once strictly— but not so really— platonic relationship. 

Turns out that Eddie wasn’t the only one who needed to confess things involving repressed feelings towards his best friend. 

So, they talked. For three hours they talked, cried, confessed, and stole kisses from each other. Repression and depression. Sweet oblivious denial for their own and each other’s feelings. Always longing for more but never feeling good enough. All of it finally came crawling out of the darkness where they both buried it for a long time. 

All it took was three emotional hours after Eddie had first kissed Buck in the kitchen for them to really start to come to terms with how they felt about each other. It’s not like one kiss and a very long conversation magically fixed everything, hell no. They both knew that they would need time to heal and process everything that came to light that night, but they also knew that they didn’t want to do it without each other. 

They have waited too damn long hopelessly pining, and they didn’t want to spend one more moment not together. 

“Alright,” Eddie says, sitting straight up and looking at Buck with keen interest. “First date, what do you have in mind?” 

Buck simply shakes his head. “No, that’s not how this works.” He says, earning a confused furrow to Eddie’s eyebrows. “See I haven’t even asked you out on a date. I only brought up the fact that we haven’t been on one yet.” 

Eddie gives a lighthearted chuckle in return. “Buck, we’re already dating, you really don’t have to try and seduce me into going on a date with you.”

“First of all, not seducing.” Buck says with a frown. “Secondly, if we're going to do this I want to do this right. So, please just indulge me for a second.” Buck widens his eyes in the way that he knows makes him look pathetic but also knows that it always has Eddie eating right out of the palm of his hand. 

Of course it works because Eddie is fondly rolling his eyes. “Okay, okay. Go on then.” He says with an amused smile.

Buck then takes a very dramatic deep breath as if to show he can compose himself enough to ask his boyfriend on a date. “Eddie Diaz, will you do me the great honor of allowing me to take you out on a date?” He practically bounces on his feet with giddiness and swears his smile reaches his ears. 

Eddie doesn’t answer right away. Instead he purses his lips and tilts his head slightly upward and to the side as if he is seriously pondering the question. “I don’t know,” he starts with a click of his tongue, “I might have to think about it. I’ll get back to you on that one.” He finishes with a teasing smile. 

“Eddie!” Buck whines and juts out his bottom lip in a pout. 

It only makes Eddie laugh before finally saying, “Yes, Buck, of course I’ll go on a date with you.” Then Buck is back to practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and smiling big and brightly. 

Buck claps his hands together in excitement. “Perfect! Okay, so I will figure out everything and let you know the details. So, don’t go making any big plans anytime soon.” 

Eddie shakes his head but the fond smile on his lips never fades. “Buck, almost all of my plans involve you anyway.” Buck only gives an unamused look in return which has Eddie putting his hands up in defense. “No big plans. Got it.” 

Buck is quick to make his way towards Eddie and bends down to give him a chaste kiss. “Fair warning, I don’t put out on the first date.” The words have Eddie quirking an eyebrow paired with a look on his face that screams since when but Eddie doesn’t actually say it. Instead he leans up and gives Buck another kiss with a smile. 

Before getting too carried away and also to avoid lingering eyes, Buck forces himself away from Eddie but his smile still doesn’t falter even as he is practically skipping back down the staircase and into the bunkroom. Buck really does try to get a nap in but his mind is racing thinking about all the different places he could take Eddie on their first date. 

Turns out that planning a date is harder than Buck remembers it to be. To be completely fair he hasn’t even been on a proper date in a while. Sure mutual agreements to meet up for coffee or lunch technically did count as dates per se, but that’s not as inherently romantic as actually planning out a whole day or evening which Buck hasn’t really done since Abby. 

Buck doesn’t just want to cook Eddie a nice meal and sit on the couch and watch a movie and call it a date night like he’s done with Ali or Taylor. No, he needs this to be special. He needs it to be perfect because this isn’t just simply going on a date with someone who you hope to have a future with, no, Buck knows that he has a future with Eddie. Hell, he’s known that Eddie was always going to be his future since that day he told Eddie right to his face that he was his problem. 

This is just the first of many dates with Eddie, and Buck really needs the first to be something that neither of them could ever in a billion years forget. 

That is why it took two whole days after Buck initially asked Eddie out on a date for him to finally come up with a plan. He hadn’t told Eddie much about what he had planned, only to wear something nice. 

Buck couldn’t hide his excitement, hell he was practically jumping out of his skin for the three days leading up to the date. At one point during a shift Hen literally demanded she do a routine checkup on Buck just because he was practically vibrating with how exhilarated he was. 

Then Friday night came around and all the excitement completely washed free from Buck’s body along with the blistering summer heat that had been suffocating the city all week. 

Rain. 

Buck had not taken into account the weather forecast when he was planning the entire date. That morning when he woke up to downpour he silently prayed all day for it to end, even keeping the weather channel on in the background all day to see if it would let up at all. Then the evening rolled around and the rain only came down harder, so on his way to Eddie’s house— about an hour earlier than he said he would pick Eddie up for their date— he instead stopped at a pizza shop the way there. 

He made his way into the house with a frown, and Eddie popped his head out of the kitchen when he heard the front door open. 

“Hey,” Eddie smiles brightly as he begins making his way over to Buck, “You’re early, I haven’t even started— what’s wrong?” Eddie’s frown now matches Buck’s when he sees the sheer disappointment painted across Buck’s face. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck’s voice tilting on the edge of melancholic, “I was stupid and didn’t look at the weather forecast, so of course the night I plan our entire date to be outdoors it has to rain.” Now Buck knows he shouldn’t cry over this— and he’s not going to— but he can’t help it if he gets a little too overwhelmed over his entire plan being ruined. 

Eddie sees this immediately and he’s quick to lean over the pizza boxes Buck’s still holding and gently cups both sides of his face. “Hey, baby, it’s okay.” His voice is soothing and it helps calm down Buck a bit. 

“No, it’s not.” Buck half-whines. “I had it all planned. It was going to be the best date ever and I ruined it—” 

“No, Buck.” Eddie says sternly. “You didn’t ruin anything. I promise.” He leans in and places a warm and soft kiss to Buck’s lips, which has him melting against Eddie. “Look, I know that it’s last minute on a Friday so going out with no plan really isn’t ideal, but we can still have a good night. Some pizzas and you is all I need.” He says as he grabs the pizza boxes out of Buck’s hands. 

“This doesn’t count as our first date.” Buck pouts as he starts to follow Eddie into the kitchen. 

After placing the boxes on the kitchen table, Eddie turns to face Buck with a soft smile. “Of course not. We’ll just…” Eddie takes a moment to think, then he playfully smiles. “We’ll just have to call in a rain check.”

Buck looks back at Eddie with a very unamused look. “Very funny.” He says with a roll of his eyes as Eddie grabs two plates from the cabinet.

“So, what did you have planned for our first date?” Eddie questions as he begins loading up both plates with slices of pizza. 

Buck takes a moment to ponder about whether or not he should tell Eddie the plan he had made. He can always simply reschedule everything, but it was hard enough getting a reservation for the restaurant he had booked, and god only knows when the next time the two of them will have another night to themselves. 

So, Buck decides to cave and spill the details. “I had reservations for this rooftop restaurant. You know, the whole fancy dinner under the stars type of thing.” He says despite the fact that in LA you’d be lucky if you could catch the glimpse of the faint glow of one star on a clear night.

Eddie hums as he picks up a slice of pizza. “Which place?” He questions before taking a bite. 

“The pan-Asian place on Sunset.” Buck says with a shrug and immediately Eddie is choking on his food. 

Buck gets sent head first into first responder mode, mentally and emotionally preparing himself to perform the heimlich on Eddie— or worse an emergency tracheotomy. As if Eddie can actually read Buck’s mind— which he might as well be able to— he puts a hand up to stop Buck from going into panic. 

It takes a minute, but Eddie does stop coughing eventually and is able to steady out his breathing again. “Buck, do you know how fucking expensive that place is?” Eddie questions, wide-eyed and voice still slightly hoarse from being agitated due to the coughing fit. 

Buck feels heat rush to his cheeks. Of course he knows. Hell, you’d have to take out a small loan to dine at that place for two. “I mean— the prices really don't matter.” That’s a blatant lie. Of course they matter, but Buck wanted it to be special, also he may or may not have overheard Eddie talk to Hen about wanting to try the place out but never getting the opportunity because again the place is expensive as shit. 

“The real issue was trying to get a reservation on such a short notice.” Buck says, trying to quickly divert the topic of conversation away from the prices of the menu. “When they called to say they had to cancel all outdoor dining, that really just set us back to being put on a waitlist. It’ll be months before we can get a table again.” 

“Can’t say I’m all that upset about it.” Eddie mumbles. It earns a confused and slightly wounded look from Buck, which Eddie catches so he continues with, “I didn’t mean—” He cuts himself off to take a deep breath. “Look, Buck, I really appreciate the gesture but I seriously don’t want you to burn a hole in your wallet for the sake of showing me a good time.” 

Buck takes it upon himself to stride over to Eddie to break the distance between them. “But isn’t that the whole point? Me taking you out, showing you a good time,” he grabs Eddie by the hips and cages him in until Eddie’s back hits the counter. “Woo you.” He says purposely added a little bit of sultriness to his voice. 

Eddie looks up at Buck with a coy smile. “Woo me? You do know we’re already dating, right?” Eddie shudders out a breath when Buck’s lips ghost over the skin on his neck. Not touching, only teasing. “Besides, I thought you don’t put out on the first date?” Eddie questions, his voice faltering slightly as Buck’s lips brush against his pulse point. 

Buck hums and Eddie can feel the vibrations of it against his neck before Buck is pulling away and looking down at Eddie again. Blue eyes slightly darker than normal and a dangerous smirk playing on his lips. “Technically, this isn’t our first date.” Buck says lowly, and that’s all Eddie needs to break the distance and crash his lips against Buck’s. 

Despite having to quite literally rain check their first date, Buck and Eddie still have a good night. A really good night that involves a lot less clothes than they would definitely need at an upscale restaurant. 

Buck doesn’t let it discourage him though because by Sunday morning he is already replanning his first date with Eddie— this time opting out of reserving a table at a restaurant that would most definitely cost him the same amount as his rent. He doesn’t mention it to Eddie, not until he is absolutely sure that everything is perfect. 

So, when Buck gets a call back on Wednesday afternoon confirming the reservation, he is back to practically skipping around the firehouse. He makes his way into the locker room where Eddie and Ravi are deep in conversation, and Buck catches the tail end of it when he enters the room. 

“I got you covered, don't worry about it.” Eddie says with a pat to Ravi’s back which has Ravi looking relieved and spilling out multiple thank yous and one I owe you before making his way out of the locker room. 

“What was that about?” Buck questions as Eddie turns to fully face him. 

Eddie simply shrugs. “Nothing important. What has you so happy?” He questions as he takes in Buck’s overly excited demeanor. 

Buck only gives a proud smile in return. “I’m cashing in our rain check. Saturday night: you and me at a very fancy restaurant that is indoors and doesn’t require you to make a triple digit salary to dine there.” 

A guilty look makes its way onto Eddie’s face. He sucks in a sharp breath then says, “Rain check?” 

Buck’s smile falters but doesn’t quite disappear yet. “Yeah, I’m cashing it in from what was supposed to be our first date.” He clarifies, as if Eddie forgot that they postponed their date. 

Eddie takes a small step towards Buck, the guilty look still not fading from his features. “No, I mean I can’t, Buck. Not Saturday.” This time Buck’s smile does get smacked right off of his face. 

“What? No. I— I checked our schedules. I double checked our schedules. We both have the night off, and Pepa is always more than willing to watch Chris. So, unless you’re planning on having some emergency that I don’t know about then there isn’t a reason why we can’t go.” Buck can’t help it if disappointment mixed with sadness weaves their way through his voice. 

Buck watches as Eddie’s chest rises and falls as he sighs. “Christopher has a sleepover with Logan and it’s our turn to host. I’m sorry, Buck, but I promised and Logan’s parents already have plans so my hands are tied.” Now it’s Buck’s turn to sigh deeply. 

He won’t lie and say that utter disappointment doesn’t wash through his entire body. Buck’s shoulders slump in defeat as he half-pouts at Eddie. “You’re double rain checking me?” 

Eddie smiles and closes the small distance between them. He cups both sides of Buck’s face in his hands. “Just means that I get to double make it up to you.” He says before pressing a light kiss to the tip of Buck’s nose. “Besides, the first time wasn’t my fault.” 

Buck looks back at him with faux offense. “Oh, so you’re blaming me for not being able to control the weather?” 

A teasing smile curves on Eddie’s lips. “Well, if I was planning our date to be outdoors I would have at least checked the weather beforehand.” 

“You’re a dick.” Is all Buck says before leaning in to press their lips together. 

Eddie’s hums against Buck’s lips before pulling away. “And yet you still love me.” Then they’re back against each other. 

Buck and Eddie really do try to keep their relationship out of the firehouse— for obvious reasons including the avoidance of prying eyes and teasing remarks— but sometimes it really is hard to not steal kisses especially when they are still in their honeymoon phase. In all honesty, Buck doesn’t think that they will ever leave that phase though. This feeling of being utterly happy— probably more happy and content than he’s ever felt in his entire life— doesn’t feel like it's ever going to fade. 

“Lovebirds!” Hen says, poking her head in the locker room, forcing Buck and Eddie apart in a startle. “Lunch is ready and we’re waiting on you two.” She says with a teasing smile and a playful scolding shake of her head. 

“We’ll be up in a minute.” Eddie says and Buck buries his face in the indentation between Eddie’s neck and shoulder.

Hen tsks at them a few times before saying, “You better hurry. If I miss lunch because you two can’t keep your hands off of each other I will make it so that you won’t ever be able to touch each other again.” Her tone is playful but her face reads serious, and neither Buck nor Eddie want to find out whether or not it’s an empty threat. 

As Eddie begins making his way out of the locker room he turns back to Buck who hasn’t moved an inch but is now pulling his phone out of his pocket. “You coming?” He questions. 

Buck nods as he begins dialing a number. “Yeah, just need to cancel our dinner reservation first.” He says with a sigh which earns a sorrowful and guilty look from Eddie before he turns away and makes his way up to the loft for lunch. 

Third time's a charm, right? 

That’s what Buck hopes for when he finds himself planning— for the third time— his and Eddie’s first date. This time around he opts out of a candle-lit dinner at a nice restaurant considering they are now two-for-two at canceled reservations. 

The thing is, he has no goddamn idea what they could do instead. The romantic dinner is usually the safest option for a first date, and now that it’s completely off the table considering Buck is scared of having to cancel again, he needs a backup plan that can be just as romantic. 

Ironically enough, the backup plan comes in the form of Lucy Donato. 

It’s a surprise visit to everyone except for Bobby who knew she was coming because she had asked him for some sort of pasta recipe. Not just any pasta recipe though, a pasta recipe that Bobby only ever saves for special occasions typically involving couples in need of a romantic yet quiet night in. 

“So, who's the special someone?” Hen questions with her eyebrows curiously raised. 

Lucy smiles fondly as she reads over the recipe scribbled down on an index card. “This girl I’ve been seeing for a while. She’s having her first ever art show on Saturday so I wanted to do something nice for her to celebrate.” 

Buck quirks an eyebrow. “Yeah, but Bobby’s alfredo and sundried tomato pasta? That’s not just for someone you’ve been seeing for a while, that’s pretty serious.” He teases which has a light pink blush spreading on Lucy’s cheeks all the way to her ears. 

Eddie bumps his knee against Buck’s. “Hey, we’re pretty serious and you haven’t made that for me yet.” He says matter-of-factly with a raised eyebrow. 

“You two haven’t even been on your first date yet.” Hen responds with an affectionate roll of her eyes. 

Buck scoffs at the words. “We’re working on it.” Eddie chuckles from beside him. 

“Seriously?” Lucy questions, looking between Buck and Eddie. “You’ve been together for what? A month now?” 

Eddie opens his mouth to speak but Buck only lightly elbows him in the stomach to stop him from going on one of his little spiels about the specific amount of time that he and Buck have been officially dating. 

“Scheduling hasn’t really been in our favor.” Buck simply says. 

“Or the weather.” Eddie adds with a teasing smirk that has Buck groaning and rolling his eyes. Eddie is never going to let Buck live that one down. 

Lucy nods her head. “As much as I really want to hear that story, I do have a shift to get to.” She is quick with her goodbyes and heads down the staircase. 

At some point a lightbulb goes off in Buck’s head and he’s quickly chasing after her. “Lucy!” He calls for her, slightly out of breath as she just about reaches the exit of the firehouse. 

When she turns to face him with a curious look, Buck catches up to her. “The art show. What exactly is that?” He questions as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Oh,” She says with a slightly shocked look, “Well, you walk around the gallery looking at different art pieces that she’s made and bid on them if you’re interested in buying. There’s a small entrance fee but free wine.” Lucy explains then she squints her eyes at Buck. “Why?” 

Buck bites the inside of his cheek. “I was thinking, maybe me and Eddie could go.” 

Lucy smirks up at him and crosses her arms. “You really want to use my girlfriend’s art show as yours and Eddie’s first date?” A sheepish smile curves the corners of Buck’s lips upward. Lucy smiles and rolls her eyes at the unsaid confirmation. “I will cover the cost of both of your entrance fees, and will text you the time and location. Fair warning though, it is a one night only showing.” 

Buck stops himself from practically throwing himself into her arms for saving him the trouble of researching all kinds of date ideas. “Thank you so much. We’ll be there.” He says with a warm and grateful smile. 

“You better be, Buckley. Don’t go disappointing my girlfriend by not showing up.” She points a playful yet scolding finger at him to which Buck promises that they won’t miss it. 

A few days later Lucy texts Buck to confirm that his and Eddie’s entrance fees are already paid for and which art gallery the showing will be at and at what time doors open. He once again sends her a million thank you texts and promises that they will in fact both be at the showing. 

That very evening Buck is cooking dinner in the Diaz kitchen when Eddie comes strolling in the house from his shift that ran later than usual. “Nothing I love more than coming home to your cooking.” Eddie says as he presses up against Buck’s back while he’s stirring the containments in the pan on the stove. “Smells good.” Eddie adds as he peppers kisses on Buck’s shoulder. 

“Chicken stir fry.” Buck says, answering the unspoken question Eddie was definitely thinking of. 

Eddie rests his chin on Buck’s shoulder as he watches Buck cook. “You should move in. Quit your job, become a house-husband so I can always come home to your meals.” Buck knows that it’s just a joke, but he cannot help the way his heart races at the thought of not only moving into the Diaz house permanently but also Eddie calling him a house-husband. 

Of course marriage isn’t exactly on the table quite yet, but Buck already knows that is something that he really wants, and he only wants it with Eddie. He does his best to clear his throat to avoid making his flustered demeanor painfully obvious. “I don’t think you can ask me to move in or to marry you in order to be your house-husband until we go on our first date.” Buck says with a small smile as he gives the food one last stir before turning off the stove. 

Eddie hums and places another kiss on Buck’s shoulder. “First date, move in, marriage in that order all in the same night. Deal?” Eddie’s voice is laced with playfulness that tells that he isn’t exactly being serious but Buck would still do it all in a heartbeat. 

“Speaking of,” Buck says, turning around to face Eddie now. His hands find their place on either side of Eddie’s waist. “I planned our first date again. Saturday night, Lucy’s girlfriend’s art show. There’s free wine and we can look at and even buy all kinds of art if we want.” 

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a deep sigh. “Rain check?” The words have Buck’s heart sinking in his chest. 

“What? No, Eddie, I promised Lucy we’d be there. Why now?” Buck can’t help it if a little bit of frustration seeps into his voice. 

Eddie looks up at him, guilt clouding his eyes. “I promised Ravi I’d cover his shift this weekend while he’s in Vegas.” Despite curious interest threatening to take over his entire being as to why Ravi is going to Vegas in the first place, Buck lets out a frustrated groan instead. “I’m sorry, Buck.” Eddie says as Buck turns back around to grab the pan off of the stove. 

“This was the last weekend in a while where we both didn't have to work.” Buck says, disappointment laced through his voice. He begins dumping the food into a serving bowl and places the now empty pan into the sink. 

“I know, I’m sorry. Maybe…” Eddie trails off for a moment. “Maybe we can just do our date on a weekday?” He suggests. 

Buck turns to look at him. “I’m working two twenty-fours next week. I also have therapy on Tuesday and you have therapy on Thursday, we have Athena and Bobby’s barbeque on Friday, and dinner with Pepa on Sunday. We literally don’t have the time.” Maybe it’s pathetic for Buck to pout but he can’t help it, not when this is the third time they’ve had to postpone their first date. 

Eddie purses his lips and turns to the refrigerator to look at the calendar. “What about Monday?” Eddie turns to quirk an eyebrow at Buck. Buck makes his way over to stand next to Eddie. 

“No, I promised Chris I’d take him to the aquarium that day since we couldn’t do it last week.” Buck responds as he looks at the fully booked week on the calendar. In his head he tries to rearrange the dates and events. “Maybe I can push my session with Dr. Copeland to the morning and we could go out that night? Both of our shifts end at four on that day anyways.” Eddie simply nods his head. 

Buck watches as Eddie takes a red pen from the magnified cup holder and scribbles down something on the Tuesday box. “There it’s on the calendar so we have to do it then.” Buck smiles at the words first date written in red ink with a little heart next to it. 

The only problem now is that Buck is back to square one trying to plan out their first day. On Saturday night Buck still does go to the art show though to avoid getting an earful from Lucy about not showing up. He still does get a lecture from her though for not even working out his and Eddie’s schedules in the first place. 

While having the aquarium day with Chris on Monday, they both brainstorm ideas over lunch for dates. Chris of course comes up with things like arcade or mini golfing or even amusement park— you know things that typically aren’t inherently romantic but more for fun. 

They leave the aquarium with still no damn clue what Buck is going to do for Eddie on their date. On the drive home though, he does see a billboard advertising a couples night at the planetarium, and he decides that it could be something fun and yet still romantic for the two of them to do. 

Buck gets to work late on Tuesday due to having to reschedule his therapy session for the morning. When he does get to the firehouse though, he finds that Eddie isn’t here even though he was supposed to be here an hour earlier than Buck. So, immediately Buck is calling him to make sure everything is alright. 

“I was just about to call you.” Eddie says the moment he picks up. 

“Is everything okay? I just got to the firehouse. Where are you?” Buck can’t help it if he sounds panicked because he is. 

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs, “Sorry, I just- Chris is sick, food poisoning I think. So, I called out and can’t do our date tonight.” Under any other circumstance Buck would be disappointed for having to postpone their date for a fourth time but in fact he’s more concerned than anything because it’s about Christopher. 

“Is he okay? Do you want me to come over after work? Can I do anything?” Question after question slips off his tongue. 

“No, no. It’s- it’s pretty ugly here. I’d feel better if you just stayed away from this mess, at least while it’s this bad.” Eddie sighs again. “I’m really sorry, Buck. About having to rain check our date again.” Overwhelming guilt weaves through his tone. 

“Hey, no.” Buck says calmly. “This is more important than a date. Seriously, take care of Chris and call me if you need me or anything, and give Chris my love.” 

“I will. I love you.” Eddie says, guilt still in his voice but not as heavy as before. 

“Love you too.” Buck says before hanging up. 

Buck feels a little relieved, now he has more time to plan out an even more perfect date than simply last minute deciding to go to the planetarium. 

It’s two weeks later that both Buck and Eddie have a weekend off, and their first date is already set in stone. It’s Friday evening and Buck is getting ready to leave the loft to pick up Eddie when the front door opens and shuts. He begins making his way down the stairs when Maddie walks further into the apartment with Jee in one arm and a small suitcase in the other. 

She smiles at Buck as Jee makes grabby hands for him. “I need you to babysit Jee for the night.” She says and immediately Buck is shaking his head. 

“No, I can't. I'm going on a date with Eddie.” Buck says as he takes in Maddie’s appearance who is wearing a very fancy dress and more makeup than normal. 

Maddie groans. “Buck, please. Chim and I haven’t had a date night in months and don’t even get me started on how long it’s been since we’ve had…” She looks over at Jee then whispers, “S-E-X.” 

“Yeah, you’re not the only one.” Buck mumbles which has Maddie taken aback. 

“You and Eddie aren’t having sex ?" She whispers the last word as if Jee won’t hear it. 

Suddenly heat rushes to Buck’s face. “No, well— I mean we haven’t— we do other stuff.” He stutters over his words, suddenly feeling extremely flustered. 

Maddie then quickly decides that she doesn’t want to hear what her baby brother and boyfriend do in the bedroom, because she’s then changing the subject. “Whatever. But I really need you to watch her tonight.” 

Buck again shakes his head, this time trying to regain his composure. “I’m sorry, Mads, but we’ve already had to postpone our date four times. I seriously can’t. Why don’t you ask the Lee’s?” 

“They’re celebrating their marriage anniversary, Albert also isn’t available and it’s last minute on a Friday night so everyone is busy, and I am not hiring a twelve-year-old to babysit my kid.” Maddie juts out her bottom lip in a pout. “You’re my last hope, Evan. Please.” The clear desperate tone in her voice is something that both of them know Buck can never fight against.

Buck takes a moment to stare up at the ceiling then he takes a deep breath. “Fine, okay.” He says right as Maddie is shoving Jee in his arms. 

“Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.” Maddie smiles widely. 

“Nope, just a good uncle.” Buck retaliates. 

“That too.” She responds. “I’ll make sure to apologize to Eddie for ruining your date night. What were you going to do anyways?” She questions. 

“Ice skating then dinner.” Buck says as he bounces Jee in his arms who just giggles. 

“Really?” Maddie questions, shock and concern painted across her face. “Don’t you guys get calls for ice skating accidents all the time?” She crosses her arms over her chest. 

“A sprained ankle or a broken arm once in a while isn’t that bad, and we only had that one call with the skate in the guy’s chest but that was at a professional ice show.” Buck says, defending his choice in the idea of a date. “Besides, Eddie used to go all the time when he was a kid. Granted it was only with Pepa when he’d come here to visit her, but she said he loved it and he hasn’t been in years.” He adds, thinking that it would have been nice to bring back the little joys Eddie had when he was a kid. 

Maddie only shrugs. “I’m just saying that you’re not the most anchor-footed person, and you in shoes with death blades on ice screams disaster, Buck.” She teases. 

“Or romantic. I fall he catches me type of thing.” Buck responds with a small smile.

Maddie shakes her head. “Or you fall and bring him down with you. I’m just trying to save you from yourself, Evan, and also saving your first date with Eddie from ending in a hospital room.” Buck opens his mouth to respond, but Maddie’s phone dings. ‘I have to go, Chim’s downstairs in the car. Thank you again.” She quickly says as she kisses Jee on the head and then leaves the apartment. 

Buck then groans as he pulls out his own phone, and quickly snaps a picture of him and Jee. She reaches for the camera with a smile as Buck puts on his best pathetic looking pout. He then sends the picture to Eddie. 

Rain check? 

A minute later Eddie responds. 

Cutest rain check we’ve had to use so far.

Buck only smiles as he then reads the next text from Eddie which says that it’s okay they had to postpone their date once more. Buck slides his phone back into his pocket and bounces Jee in his arms. “Uncle Eddie forgives you for ruining our date by the way.” He tells her, which earns a giggle from the toddler in return. 

The sixth time Buck had planned out his and Eddie’s first date gets ruined by a city-wide brown out causing the two of them to be on call at all times at the firehouse until power is restored. 

Even as they reach the seventh time that they’ve had to rain check their date, Buck still has not given up hope, but he does stop planning quick dates altogether. 

It’s now been a little over two months since Buck had initially asked Eddie out on their first date and they still haven’t been on one, so Buck decides to go a little bit bigger than candle-lit dinners or ice-skating dates. It has taken him two weeks to even get everything set in motion for the date, and once he gets the last call back that he needed Buck knows for sure that this time there will not be any reason for their first date to get rain checked. 

Buck waits until Chris is in bed to finally break the news to Eddie. They’re in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner that they put off doing since they were having a movie night after all, and Buck has just finished loading everything into the dishwasher when he turns to Eddie who is grabbing two beers out of the fridge. 

“So, I’ve been thinking…” Buck starts slowly as Eddie hands him a bottle. 

“Always a dangerous thing.” Eddie says with a teasing smirk before he brings his own bottle to his lips. 

Buck lightly chuckles then takes a deep breath. “We should get away this weekend.” Immediately Eddie is raising an eyebrow at him with curious interest. “I sort of booked us a lakehouse Friday to Sunday. It’s a few hours from here and it has a really nice Italian restaurant nearby so we could have our first date there or there’s a million other things to do instead. And I already cleared both of our schedules and set everything up so Chris would be taken care of while we’re away.” Buck takes a step closer to Eddie so their bodies are barely pressing against each other. 

Purposely, Buck deepens his voice and adds a hint of sultriness to his tone. “Just you and me for three days alone by a lake. And who knows, maybe the date isn’t the only first we could have there.” He watches as Eddie’s eyes slightly darken at the implications behind his words. Buck brings his freehand to grab onto one of Eddie’s hips. “What do you say?” He leans down to let his lips ghost over the sensitive skin on Eddie’s neck. 

It’s silent for a minute. Buck presses his lips against Eddie’s pulse point and feels the way his heartbeat is more accelerated than normal. He catches the way Eddie’s adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, then Eddie sucks in a breath before he says, “No.” 

Buck is standing up straight now, looking Eddie directly in the eyes who shows no sign of humor behind his words. “Wh-what? Do you have something against lakehouses that I don’t know about?” Buck tries to laugh but it comes out more dry than humorous. 

“No, it’s not that— it’s just.” Eddie sighs deeply. “Seven. Do you know what that is?” 

Buck simply blinks at him as confusion starts to take over his entire being. “The number that typically comes after six and before eight?” He tries his best to crack a joke, but it lands flat. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “It’s the number of times that we’ve had to cancel our first date.” 

Dread starts to creep up on Buck, but he tries his best to push it down. “No, no— not cancel. Postpone.” He clarifies as if it will make this entire situation better. 

Eddie sadly smiles back at Buck. “You know that saying; once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. Well, we’re up to seven times now, Buck, and I think it’s time to just take the hint.” Something about Eddie’s tone seems familiar to Buck, but he can’t quite place it yet. 

“What are you saying?” Buck questions, not really wanting to see the end of this conversation. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “I think you’re right about the whole universe screaming at you thing.” 

It gets harder and harder to push down the dread threatening to sink inside Buck’s chest. “You don’t believe in that.” Buck says sternly as he shakes his head. 

Eddie sets his bottle down on the counter behind him. “But you do.” He says gently. “And I think it’s yelling at us, trying to say that maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.” The tone becomes all too familiar then and it hits Buck like a bullet train. 

It’s the same tone that laced Maddie’s voice when she tossed him the keys to the Jeep and told him to keep going and never look back. The same tone that weaved through Abby’s voice when she was saying goodbye to him at the airport. The same tone that slipped off of Ali’s tongue when she told him that she couldn’t sit and watch Buck continue to get hurt. The same tone that poisoned Buck’s own voice when he had ended things with Taylor when she betrayed his trust. 

Now Eddie is using it. He’s using it to say goodbye. 

It feels like a blow to the stomach. A bullet to the heart. A knife to the back. It shatters every single thing inside of Buck, and there isn’t enough glue in the world to put him back together now. 

Buck takes a step back from Eddie. He places his own bottle onto the kitchen table, and takes a few moments to recollect himself as best as he can. He tries his best to keep his composure and avoid having the sheer heartbreak he’s feeling slip through the cracks of the strong façade he’s forcing upon himself. 

“Yeah,” Buck’s own voice breaks at the word, and he clears his throat before continuing, “if that’s what you feel— okay.” He pushes down the tears threatening to build up in the corners of his eyes. “I’ll, uh, I have to go.” He says now ducking his head down and pushing past Eddie to get out of the kitchen. 

“Buck, you don’t have to leave.” Eddie says softly, so softly it actually puts an ache in Buck’s broken heart. 

Buck slips on his shoes and grabs his keys out of the bowl by the front door. “No, I have— I have to cancel the lakehouse reservation before it’s too late to get a refund.” He tries his best to laugh and smile but both just come out as weak and broken. “I’ll see you at work.” Is the last thing Buck says before getting out of the house and making his way toward the Jeep. 

He doesn’t turn the car on just yet. Instead Buck waits. 

He waits to see if Eddie will come out and chase after him. He waits to see if Eddie at least texts or calls him to say he’s made a mistake. For seven minutes Buck waits for Eddie who never comes running out of the house— who never comes running after him. 

Buck doesn’t cry. He doesn’t allow himself to. But he also doesn’t sleep that night. He stays wide awake staring at the ceiling thinking back to where exactly everything went wrong. He decides that it was when Buck had that revelation two months ago about how he and Eddie hadn’t even been on a first date. So, of course Buck blames himself for ruining his relationship with Eddie. 

When Buck walks into the firehouse the next morning running on no sleep, two cups of coffee, and a broken heart of course he is met with a concerned Hen. He slumps down on the sofa in the loft and allows himself to sink into the cushions and shut his eyes.

“Buck, it’s your day off, what are you doing here?” Hen questions, her voice has a hint of amusement and surprise to it. 

Buck pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes shut tighter. “Needed to get out of the house, and I had nowhere else to go.” He says as he drops his hand from his face and allows his body to do its best to relax back into the sofa. 

“You and Eddie aren’t doing anything today?” And even though Buck’s eyes are closed he just knows that Hen has her arms crossed under her sternum and a curious eyebrow raised. He can tell because that look and arm cross is usually paired with the inquisitive tone in her voice when she wants to pry more into whatever is going on in her friends’ lives. 

Right now Buck wishes that the sofa would swallow him whole so he could just disappear for a while. “Yeah,” he starts with a deep sigh, “me and Eddie aren’t doing much of anything anymore.” There is clear pain in his voice and when he opens his eyes Hen is staring back at him with an amused look plastered on her face. “I think we broke up.” He adds, and the words not only hurt but also tastes like poison on his tongue. 

The amusement on Hen’s face twists more into confusion and also gets mixed with wide-eyed shock and a tiny bit of worry. 

“What do you mean you think you broke up?” This time it’s Chim who speaks. Buck hadn’t even noticed that he was standing in the kitchen this whole time, and now making his way to the lounge. The feeling Buck was having before about wanting to disappear into the sofa cushions has just tripled. 

Buck only shrugs. “We keep having to rain check our first date, something would come up and we couldn’t do it. So, I cleared both of our schedules for this weekend so we could just get away for a while and actually have our first date with no interruptions, and I swear I nearly put us off the radar completely then he just—” Buck cuts himself off as he feels tears starting to brim in the corners of his eyes. 

“Then he what?” Hen asks gently. 

Buck tilts his head upward to look at the ceiling and avoid any tears from actually spilling from his eyes. “He said no.” His voice breaks at the words. Buck then sits up completely and stares between his two friends who wear matching concerned looks. “He went on this whole spiel about how we had to keep postponing our first date and said that maybe it was a sign from the universe that we shouldn’t be doing this. That we shouldn’t be doing us .” Buck prematurely wipes at his eyes to stop the flow of tears cascading down his cheeks. 

Hen looks taken aback. “But Eddie doesn’t believe in the whole universe giving you a sign thing.” 

Buck nods his head and dryly laughs. “That’s what I said. And yet he still ended things for that reason. Maybe he was just looking for an out and took a page out of my book by being superstitious.” 

Hen and Chim share a glance that possibly speaks volumes to the both of them, but means nothing to Buck. That’s how Buck and Eddie are, they can have full on conversations without even saying words, and Chim and Hen are the same exact way with each other. 

“Maybe he thinks that you two just need a pause?” Chim suggests as he crosses his arms. “I mean, when Maddie and I were first getting together we knew that we needed a minute to just heal and figure out what we wanted and needed.” He tries his best to comfort Buck, but it doesn’t really work. 

“That’s different Chim.” Buck says. “There’s no stabbings or kidnappings involved here. And even if that was the case— us needing a pause— I don’t think it would feel like my heart got ripped out of my chest and stomped on until there was nothing but dust left of it.” 

“Okay, fair point.” Chim says under his breath but Buck still catches it. 

Hen steps up then. “How do you know that Eddie wanted to break up?” 

Buck looks up at her and shrugs. “He said that we shouldn’t be doing what we were doing. I mean his tone made that pretty fucking clear. It’s the same tone you give someone when you know you’re saying goodbye. Trust me I’ve come painfully familiar with it.” Buck dryly laughs at his own words. 

“But he didn’t exactly say that he wants to break up?” Hen questions and Buck is too tired and too heartbroken to continue this conversation that feels more like an interrogation at this point. 

“Look, I know Eddie probably better than anyone in this room— maybe even on this planet.” Buck starts with a sharp edge to his voice. “And I know all too well what it feels like before someone inevitably leaves you behind for good. And that is exactly what Eddie did last night.” Buck stands from the couch and runs a hand through his hair. “I just— can we just drop this. It’s over, that’s it.” He says before he pushes past Hen and Chim and makes his way back downstairs. 

Maybe storming out of the firehouse wasn’t exactly the best thing to do considering that it only makes it look like he’s running away from his problems. Then again Buck simply needed to get out of the house and out of his mind and he thought that the distraction of hiding out in the firehouse would be able to do that for him. He just didn’t take into account the fact that Hen and Chim are very nosey people by nature and always simply wants what's best for their friends. It’s Buck’s own fault really for even mentioning that he and Eddie broke up to begin with. 

So, with nowhere else really to go, Buck decides to simply sulk in his loft. He allows himself to wallow in heartbreak for hours on end. Sure, it’s been less than twenty-four hours since Eddie called it quits and yet Buck believes that he’ll never feel the same again. 

Despite growing so used to people he loves leaving him, something about this time feels so different. It’s different than Maddie tossing him the keys with a promise that they’ll both get as far away from Hershey as possible only to break that promise and send Buck away on his own a day later. 

It’s nothing like when Abby told Buck that she bought a plane ticket to Dublin or when she was saying goodbye to him at the airport. It’s not like when Buck promised he would be waiting for her when deep down they both knew that she was never coming back. 

It’s different from the sorrowful and pained look on Ali’s face when she said that she would never ask Buck to give up his job but that she also couldn’t sit and watch him continue to get hurt because it would just destroy her. 

It’s not the same when Taylor promised she wouldn’t run the story on Jonah Greenway only for Buck to later find out that she betrayed his trust and did it anyway. It’s different when Buck knew that he had to end things with her because if he couldn’t trust her then how could he continue to love her? 

No. This kind of heartbreak cuts deeper. It’s a blade that doesn’t just puncture his heart but instead cuts clean through it. It’s an ache that buries itself so deep inside of Buck’s chest that he feels like it not only stops his heart but also constricts his lungs until all of the oxygen gets pulled out of him and makes it impossible to draw in more air. 

It isn’t just about losing another romantic partner. No, you see you get over breakups as time moves forward, lovers come and go. For Buck there is more on the line here for him to lose. He’s not just losing a boyfriend. He’s losing his best friend, his partner, his family. He’s losing this part of himself that Eddie handed to him that really not only brought him back to life but made him fall in love with living. 

It’s not just another heartbreak that Buck can swallow down. It doesn’t feel like death necessarily either. It feels more like fading. 

Allowing yourself to simply slip away. Everything that made you who you are getting plucked from you until it’s far out of reach making you nothing but a hollow frame of someone who will only live in memories. 

No. It’s not death. Death is more serene, whether you want to believe in an afterlife or you believe once you go from existence everything just stops or even if you choose to believe that once you leave one life your soul gets carved into another. No matter what your beliefs entail, death is always more peaceful. 

This isn’t that.

This isn’t Heaven or Hell. It’s not Purgatory or Nirvana. No reincarnation, no serenity, it’s not even the simplicity of nothingness. 

It’s life. And with life comes pain, and heartbreak, and overwhelming numbness. It’s suffocating more than anything, like invisible hands wrapping around your throat and squeezing down with such force that makes your vision go black. It feels like all of your bones are breaking at once and every single one of your organs are shutting down slowly. Yet, you never get the relief of finally slipping out of existence. 

Those are only feelings you have when you know that you are alive. And Buck knows he’s alive. He knows he’s living through this overwhelming hurt of losing something– losing someone that showed him all the ways that he deserves to be loved. 

As Buck slumps on the couch nursing a beer, he hears the front door open then shut. The sound of heels clanking against the marble flooring tells Buck all he needs to know about who came walking into his apartment. 

“Buck?” Maddie’s voice echoes around him as she walks further into the apartment until she’s standing right by the staircase. Jee is in her arms smiling wide and reaching for her Uncle Buck. 

“Welcome to the pity party. VIP party of one.” Buck gives a weak smile as he then finishes off what was left in his bottle. 

Maddie rolls her eyes and she walks further into the living room. “I don’t think it’s considered a pity party when you got your heart broken, Buck.” She grabs the now empty beer bottle out of his hand and forces Jee into his lap. 

“I’m not really up for babysitting right now, Maddie.” Buck responds, venom having a sharp edge to his tone. Of course he doesn’t question how Maddie knows that he and Eddie broke up. He knows that Chim most likely called or texted her sometime after Buck stormed out of the firehouse today. 

Maddie puts her hands on her hips and huffs out a breath. “That’s not why I’m here.” She says as she grabs the remote off of the coffee table and switches the tv on. 

“Then why are you here?” Buck questions coldly as Jee climbs off his lap and moves to the empty couch space next to him. 

“Well, it wasn’t my first plan.” Maddie says as she finds a channel with a cartoon to keep Jee occupied. She then motions Buck to follow her into the kitchen which he obliges with an eyeroll. “I was going to go over to Eddie’s to kill him, but he wasn’t home. So, now I’m here.” She says as she sits down at the island while Buck opts to get another bottle of beer out of the fridge. 

With a light chuckle, Buck looks back at her. “Your first instinct was to go and kill my ex-boyfriend– with Jee in the backseat of your car– before coming to console your brother?” He asks with an amused eyebrow raise. 

“No.” Maddie says, her voice a pitch higher than normal. “I wasn’t going to leave Jee in the car.” The playful smile on her face has Buck smiling. 

“Wow, making your two year old an accomplice to murder. Very good parenting.” Sarcasm laces Buck’s voice. 

Maddie shrugs. “Gotta start them out young.” She says with a light laugh that quickly dies down. “What happened with you and Eddie? Chimney only said that you two broke up and that you looked worse than he’s ever seen you.” Buck places his bottle on the island and diverts his gaze away from Maddie’s eyes. 

“That’s basically it. We broke up and I feel like my heart got ripped out of my chest and put into a blender.” Buck takes a deep breath, knowing that he’s going to have to explain everything to Maddie before she starts trying to pry it out of him. “We had to keep postponing our first date. Scheduling and emergencies, it would just get in the middle of it so we’d rain check. We got up to seven times with rain checking our date that he just felt like it was a sign that we shouldn’t be together.” Tears begin to brim in his eyes. 

“It’s my fault really,” Buck chokes out, “I kept pushing it, always trying to reschedule and plan out the date perfectly.” He dryly laughs. “Because I’m Buck. I care too much and it’s still never enough. Or maybe that’s the problem. It’s too overwhelming and that’s why everyone leaves.” Tears fall from his eyes and slowly slip down his cheeks. 

Maddie is quick to stand and make her way over to Buck to wrap him in her arms. It’s funny really despite being nearly a foot shorter than Buck she still cradles his head in her hand as he drops into her shoulder. Buck’s never felt so small before, he feels like a kid again laying in Maddie’s arms after he finds different ways to hurt himself just to get his parents attention. 

Maddie has seen Buck heartbroken before, but never like this. She’s never seen him cry over a lost love or look so lost himself. So, she squeezes him tighter and lets him feel the sheer amount of hurt that came with breaking up with Eddie. 

Maddie gently coaxes Buck’s head up and she wipes away the tears spilling from his eyes. “Yeah, you do care too much,” she starts softly as she cups his cheeks in her hands, “but that is not a bad thing, Evan.” Her voice now has a firmer edge to it, but still has the coolness of comfort washing over Buck. 

He doesn’t move away or roll his eyes at Maddie’s words. Not when she’s telling him something that he knows he needs to hear. 

“You care too much because when you love you go all in or nothing at all.” Tears begin to pool in Maddie’s golden brown eyes. “Your heart is way too big for your chest, and that is something people only wish they could have for themselves or find in someone they love.” Maddie smiles up at him. “And if Eddie is stupid enough to throw that away over something as little as a few rain checks, then you deserve so much better.” Buck then does push away from Maddie’s touch. 

“That’s the thing, Mads.” Buck says, his voice broken-sounding and wet. “He is my something better.” Sorrow gets etched onto Maddie’s features. “I’ve never been so stupidly in love with someone as much as I am with Eddie. And I’ve never felt more deserving of love than when I’m with him.” Buck swallows down a sob that threatens to get pulled from the back of his throat. 

“Eddie is the first person ever who has been all in when it comes to being in love with me.” Buck’s voice falters then breaks. “I don’t think that I’m ever going to get that with anyone else. I don’t want to have that with anyone except for Eddie.” And it hurts. It hurts because if things are really over between him and Eddie for good then there is no one else in this world left for Buck. 

Maddie takes a small step toward him and reaches up to brush a few rogue curls away from Buck’s forehead. “Then don’t let him be the one that got away.” She says softly with a sympathetic smile. “Don’t let him be another lost love, Evan.” 

And suddenly Maddie’s words have Buck being transported back to three years prior. Back to the short period of time when he wiggled his way into Red’s life. He remembers the love in Red’s eyes when he talked about Cindy and how she was the one that slipped right between his fingers. Buck remembers the fondness in Red’s voice when he told stories about the two of them when they were young and in love. 

He remembers the way Red’s face twisted into guilt when he talked about how he watched Cindy from a distance for years. He watched her fall in love and build a life with another man when it should have been Red who she had grown old with. 

Buck also remembers the pain on Red’s face and heartbreak in his voice when the Cindy he used to love got taken from him the same way Abby’s mom got taken from her. 

Buck recalls the way Maddie held onto his hands, looked him directly in the eyes, and told him that he isn’t Red. And yet unbeknownst to himself, Buck had started to let himself become Red in less than twenty-four hours. 

He was going to let Eddie slip through his fingers, and force himself to watch from a distance as he moved on with life. Buck was ready to watch Eddie fall in love, get married, and build a family with someone else. The thing is, it never occurred to Buck to actually fight for what he and Eddie have built not only since that night three months ago when Eddie came home and kissed Buck in the kitchen but also what they have been building for the past five years. 

Buck never thought to fight because he learned a long time ago not to chase after someone who is always going to be three steps ahead when you believe that they are standing right next to you. 

He never fought for his relationship with Abby. He could have easily gotten on a plane and traveled with her throughout Europe. Then again he wouldn’t exactly be seeing the world with her, no he would be following her. He’d only be chasing after her from country to country. 

He could have given up his job for Ali but Buck knows that she would never forgive him or herself if he did do that. He didn’t fight her leaving because he knew that he’d hate himself more than he already did if he coaxed her to stay and forced her to continue watching him get hurt or come to the brink of death time and time again. 

With Taylor he gave her the benefit of the doubt on numerous occasions. Buck knows what it’s like to be all in and passionate about your job. He knows what it’s like to feel like your work is your entire life. So, he forgave her time and time and time again for having a job that basically requires you to be a vulture, feasting upon the weak and vulnerable then showing no remorse for any of it. But in the end he got tired of that, he had no more forgiveness in him for Taylor, and all of the trust that was left in him evaporated the moment she made the decision to run a story she promised she wouldn’t. 

Sure, he may have tried in relationships but he never fought because deep down Buck knew that none of those relationships were worth the battle. Of course he loved them, of course his love was all in for them but at the same time the love in those relationships wasn’t the kind of love you start a war over or write a song about. 

That’s the only type of love that Buck has ever felt with Eddie. 

It’s a love he would start millions of wars for, write dozens of ballads for, create novels and paint masterpieces for. It’s the type of love that electrifies your entire being and makes you feel alive. It doesn’t just make you happy, it also makes you sad, scared, and at ease. It makes you feel everything that you never thought you could. It’s the type of love you long for, the type of love you read in books and see in movies. It’s not the type of love you find but the type you have to create. 

And it sure as hell is a love that Buck is not giving up on. 

“I have to go.” Buck says more to himself than to Maddie who simply smiles back at him when she realizes that he is going to fight for his relationship with Eddie. “Thank you so much, Maddie.” Buck quickly says as he kisses her cheek before making his way to the front door to haphazardly slip on his shoes and grab his car keys. 

“If he ever breaks your heart again, I will actually kill him! I’m friends with Athena so jail time will be limited!” Maddie shouts after Buck as he slips out the front door and sprints through the hallways of the apartment building. 

Despite having more than enough time to figure out what he wants— what he needs to say to Eddie, nothing comes to mind. Not even as he’s sloppily pulling into Eddie’s driveway do his thoughts become less jumbled enough to think about how he is going to approach this. 

There’s really no plan here. Not even as Buck is getting out of his car and walking up the driveway does a plan come to mind. He passes Eddie’s truck and can feel the heat emitting off of it which tells that Eddie had gotten home not too long ago. 

Buck walks up to the front door and plays with the little silver key on his keychain pondering whether he should use it or simply knock on the door. He doesn’t know what the rules are now or even if there are any rules to follow at this point. It’s not like Buck and Eddie have ever followed any rules to begin with in their five years of knowing each other. 

Buck sucks in a sharp breath before slipping the key into the slot and twisting until he hears the all too familiar click that gives him the cue to open the door. Stepping into the foyer immediately has comfort washing over Buck, as if the faint scent of jasmine mixed with sandalwood pushes all of the nerves out of Buck’s body. 

Buck’s lived in a lot of places, traveled from state to state and even wound up in Peru at one point, and yet the couches he crashed on or the shitty one bedroom apartments he rented never felt like home. Not even the house he grew up in ever truly felt like a home, more like a façade of one. 

And the 118, Athena, Maddie— everyone who has come from those people and wiggled their way into Buck’s heart, they’re his family. But the Diaz house is his home . It’s the warmest place he’s ever had, the safest place he’s ever known. Hell, he considers the Diaz house more of a home than his own loft. 

The Diaz house is the only place where Buck has never needed to pretend for any reason at all. 

“Hey.” Eddie smiles as he walks out of the kitchen, not at all surprised to see Buck standing in his foyer. 

Eddie looks good— well to be fair he always looks good but that’s not the point. The point is that he looks normal . There’s no sign of hurt or heartbreak on his face, there’s no dark purple rings under his eyes like there are with Buck’s from not being able to sleep the night before. Even his voice doesn’t sound weak or broken when he talks much like Buck’s has been for the past twenty-four hours. 

Eddie looks okay. He looks like he hadn’t just broken Buck’s heart the day prior.

“I was just going to call you.” Eddie says as he ducks back into the kitchen making Buck follow him. “Chris is spending the night at Pepa’s. I swear we go there for a simple lunch and she sends my kid into a food coma.” He chuckles with a shake of his head as he grabs a beer out of the fridge, offering it to Buck who shakes his head to decline. 

Eddie twists the cap off of his bottle and leans against the counter looking directly at Buck. “You okay? I haven’t heard from you all day, and you honestly look like shit.” He says before he brings the bottle to his lips. 

Suddenly Buck is thrown right back into his jumbled mind trying to sort out his thoughts to think of exactly what he needs to say to save his relationship with Eddie. 

The first coherent thing that comes to mind rushes off his tongue before he can stop them. “You’re not rain checking our relationship.” And Buck quickly decides that was the absolute worst opener to try and get back with the person who broke your heart. 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow with the confused squint to his eyes. “Okay?” Eddie says, drawing out the last syllable. 

And Buck has already fucked this up already with not giving himself time to sort out his thoughts and feelings, so how worse could this get? “If you’re going to take a page out of my book then I’m going to take one from yours.” Apparently it could get so much worse. 

The confused look on Eddie’s face only twists further. “I’m not following.” He says slowly and Buck doesn’t blame him because he really is not thinking— or speaking— clearly. Still Buck groans out of frustration as if he is being the most level headed he has ever been in his entire life and it’s Eddie’s own fault that he isn’t following. 

“You can’t just pull a me. You can’t force us into a pause like Maddie and Chim because we don’t need that. We don’t need a minute.” Buck speaks too fastly, as if his tongue is working faster than his brain, which at this point he thinks it is. Buck also decides that he really needs to just stop talking and give himself a minute. 

Eddie laughs but it isn’t humorous, no it sounds more concerned than anything. “Buck, are you okay? Are you having a stroke or something because you seriously are not making any sense right now.” He sets down his bottle on the counter and crosses his arms over his chest as if the few sips of beer he’s had has gotten him completely wasted. 

Finally Buck lets himself calm down for a minute. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. Once he opens his eyes again he immediately meets Eddie’s. “The universe isn’t screaming at us to break up.” Unlike the way he’s been talking for the past few minutes, his words are slow and calm but his tone still screams heartbreak. 

Eddie looks absolutely taken aback by the words. Wide-eyed confusion is so prominent on his face as if Buck had just blindsided him. “Okay, am I having a stroke? Because I am genuinely lost right now, Buck. What the hell are you talking about?” 

Buck simply stares at Eddie, both of them wearing identical bewildered expressions. “I’m talking about us breaking up and how we shouldn’t break up.” Buck says slowly and flatly like it’s the most painfully obvious conversation topic they’ve ever had. 

Eddie’s bewildered look now gets paired with an amused smile. “When did we break up?” 

“Yesterday.” Buck simply states. 

The confusion on Eddie’s face grows more as does the amusement. “And were you planning on telling me that we broke up?” His tone is less laced with confusion and edging more on the humorous side now. 

Buck only grows more confused at Eddie’s words. “I didn’t think I had to considering you’re the one who was doing the breaking up.” He states matter-of-factly as if it will help jog Eddie’s memories of the events that took place right in this very kitchen a day ago. 

“Okay, I think you dreamt this whole imaginary end to our relationship,” Eddie starts with a shake to his head, “because I seriously think I would remember if I broke up with you.” He adds with a light chuckle. 

“But you did—” Buck stops himself to let out a huff. “You said no to going to the lakehouse with me. Then you gave this whole speech about how the universe was screaming at us that we shouldn’t be doing this— that we shouldn’t be doing us .” Buck tries his best to explain slowly to let the words sink deep within Eddie’s mind. 

It’s rapid, the way Eddie’s features twist from confusion to realization then to amusement. His lips curve upward and he actually brings a hand up to his mouth to suppress the laughter that is trying so hard to slip past his lips. 

And Buck is just left standing there in astonishment as Eddie seriously tries his best to stop laughing at the situation at hand. Maybe Eddie looked blindsided before but Buck is the one who actually feels like he just had been. 

“Buck,” Eddie says through a snort, “ please don’t tell me you’ve been walking around for the past nineteen hours thinking that we actually broke up.” And Buck says nothing. Only stares blankly back at Eddie who bites back his amused grin. 

Upon Buck’s silence, Eddie’s smile quickly drops as his mouth gapes in appall. All amusement gets slapped off of his face and is replaced with a more horrified expression. He pushes himself away from the counter and takes slow strides to Buck, and once he’s standing in front of him, Eddie reaches up and cups both sides of Buck’s jaw in his hands. 

“Baby,” Eddie starts softly and it breaks Buck’s heart further along with the feeling of Eddie’s gentle touch against his face, “I love you so much but you are such an idiot.” He smiles up at Buck with a gleam in his eyes that does in fact scream love. 

“Okay, now I’m lost.” Buck says with a shake of his head as he grabs onto Eddie’s wrists and coaxes his hold to drop from his face. Buck doesn’t let go of Eddie’s wrists though, he holds them close to his own chest. “You said yesterday that the universe was screaming at us, saying that we shouldn’t be doing this.” Heartbreak spills through Buck’s words as he speaks slowly, trying to make Eddie understand how he interpreted the entire situation from the night prior. 

“Yeah, but that wasn’t—” Eddie cuts himself off to take a deep breath. “What I meant was that maybe we shouldn’t be doing the whole first date thing.” Buck doesn’t know which one hurts more: keep having to postpone their dates or the fact that all this time Eddie didn’t want to have the date to begin with. 

Buck drops his grip from Eddie’s wrists and takes a step back. He looks back at Eddie with a wounded expression. “Then why did you say yes? If you didn’t even want to go on a date with me to begin with, why did you say yes to it?” Maybe if they weren’t breaking up before this conversation might as well be leading to it. 

“Buck, that’s not what I meant.” Eddie says, taking a step closer to Buck. “Of course I want to go on dates with you, but I just think calling it a first date is putting way too much pressure on you.” Eddie lets out a light laugh. “I’m already so insanely in love with you that I don’t need the rooftop dinners or romantic getaways. I can just sit here at home with you and a beer and see that as a date.” He takes a moment to sigh. “I just don’t think we need to try so hard or change anything because we’re still us .” 

There is an unpleasant feeling settling deep inside Buck’s chest like it’s making a permanent home there. It’s less like dread or heartbreak. It’s deeper and yet Buck can’t quite place his finger on exactly what it is. 

“But we’re not, Eddie.” Buck says slowly which has Eddie furrowing his eyebrows. “We’re not just best friends us anymore. We’re relationship us. Boyfriends us.” Eddie’s face softens as Buck grabs onto both of Eddie’s hands. “And I want the candle light dinners, beach picnics, and holy fuck I want the romantic weekend getaways at lakehouses, and I want everything else too.” Buck closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath. 

“Trust me, I love the quiet nights in with you. I really do.” Buck continues looking Eddie directly in his eyes. “But I also want the idyllic romantic shit too because I never got to have that before.” There it is. That feeling sinking into his chest is not just devastation, but it’s also grief and longing. 

And he didn’t even realize it until the words slipped off his tongue just now. Buck didn’t know that the reason he was trying so hard to set up the perfect date was because he longs for the romance that never came with his other relationships. 

“Buck—” Eddie says quietly. 

Buck only shakes his head. “With Abby, our schedules would never work out. I planned so many dates that she’d have to cancel or end early because of her mom. Ali was always traveling for work so we never really got the time to do anything besides maybe a quick lunch date. And Taylor,” Buck scoffs, “well she wasn’t really the romantic date type of person. I guess the reason I’m trying so hard is because despite there being love in my other relationships there wasn’t any romance.” Buck doesn’t know when he started tearing up until his vision gets blurry and he has to blink away the tears.

Eddie then brings his own hands up to Buck’s face to wipe away the rogue tears that begin to slip from ocean blue eyes. “Buck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” 

Buck leans into Eddie’s touch as he lets out a choked laugh. “Neither did I. Not until I just said it at least. I didn’t know that it was something that I felt I was missing out on or even longing for.” Buck half-smiles at Eddie. “So, I’m not going to stop trying. I’m going to keep asking you on dates even if you think it’s cheesy because I love you and that’s what I want. I want the cheesy romcom dates that end with me walking you to your doorstep and me resisting the urge to kiss you goodnight out of politeness, and then you chasing me into the street to kiss me yourself.” And maybe it sounds more corny manifested into words than just a simple thought swimming around Buck’s head, but he honestly doesn’t care when it’s really how he feels. 

Eddie’s head drops for a moment as he lets out a lighthearted laugh, and when he picks up his head again he stares Buck directly in his eyes with so much love pooling in his warm irises. “You do know we’re not living in the middle of a Hallmark movie, right?” 

Buck’s half-smile turns more to a grin. “That doesn’t mean we can’t have all the corniness you see in them.” Then Buck’s grin twists into a mischievous smirk. “Besides, I know for a fact that those movies are your guilty pleasure, especially the Christmas ones.” Eddie groans and rolls his eyes as he drops his hands from Buck’s face to instead smack him lightly on the chest. 

Buck manages to grab onto Eddie’s wrists and bring his hand up to his mouth to place soft kisses on Eddie’s knuckles. “I don’t think I can go through another relationship without there being romance.” Buck says softly, voice wavering on the nervous side. “I’m not saying it has to be all the time, but I do need it there. I want it all and I only want it with you.” Eddie takes it upon himself to break from Buck’s grasp and press their bodies together. 

He cups both sides of Buck’s jaw, blue eyes flutter shut the moment Eddie begins to lean in. Of course they’ve shared numerous kisses before, and of all different kinds as well, but this one just feels different. It’s slower than any one they’ve had before. There’s no want or need underlying the kiss, there’s no desperation or even tantalization. In fact, the way that Eddie kisses Buck– slow, sweet, and safe– it feels more like a promise of sorts. 

And When Eddie pulls away, that feeling of a vow dancing around them– linking them together never dissipates. “I want that too. Clichés and all.” Eddie whispers, looking Buck directly in the eyes with so much assurance and devotion. “What I don’t want is for you to put this unnecessary pressure or stress on yourself to give me the perfect date. It doesn’t matter how many flaws or interruptions they have, as long as they always end with me still having you then it will always be perfect in my eyes.” 

Buck snakes one arm around Eddie’s waist until his hand finds its place on the small of his back and pulls Eddie impossibly closer to his body. “I promise I won’t stress myself out or pressure myself into making everything absolutely perfect on our future dates.” Buck says, truth and genuine promise in his words. 

That’s the thing that Buck never really took into account before. He never realized exactly how hard he was trying and how much pressure he was actually putting on himself to have this flawless idealistic first date with Eddie. 

That’s simply not how the world works. No matter how hard you try to make something so idyllic there will always be mishaps and faultiness that follow. And Buck knows that. He knows that there will be hiccups along the way just like with any sort of healthy relationship, and just because he and Eddie have waited so long to finally be able to have each other in every single way they’ve desired for longer than either of them care to admit doesn’t mean that they aren’t exempt from the imperfections that come with relationships. 

And maybe those imperfections are exactly what makes their relationship perfect to them. 

“And I promise,” Eddie starts as he gently caresses Buck’s cheek, “to give you all of the cheesy romcom clichés you desire.” Even if there is a teasing tone to his words, the unconventional love pooling in golden brown irises drowns it out. 

“Speaking of,” Buck says as he sucks in a breath, “I still do need to take you on a first date, after all we can’t just let all of those rain checks go to waste.” Maybe he’s only half-serious about cashing in all of the rain checks they’ve had to call, but Buck really still does really want to take Eddie on a first date— and not put an unsustainable amount of pressure on himself this time around. 

Eddie takes a moment to purse his lips and slightly squints his eyes as he thinks over what he really wants next. “No,” He says slowly then clicks his tongue a few times, “I think this time around we need to do things a little differently.” He finishes with a whimsy smile. 

And with that Buck is cocking his head to the side with a curiously arched eyebrow and a quizzical smile. 

~

Two weeks later Buck finds himself frantically pacing around his loft, hands shaking and nerves running rampant. This has been going on for a good fifteen minutes now, and it certainly doesn’t help that Maddie is doing absolutely nothing whatsoever to calm her brother down who is panicking. 

“I still don’t understand why you’re freaking out so much, I’m sure everything is fine, he probably just got stuck in Friday night traffic.” Maddie’s voice rings through the speaker of Buck’s phone. He Facetimed her about twenty-five minutes ago when Eddie had texted him that he was on his way over to pick Buck up, and last time Buck checked it doesn’t take nearly thirty minutes to get from Eddie’s house to Buck’s loft. 

“Or maybe he stood me up or got into some accident, and all I know is that he could be trapped in his car in some ditch bleeding out-” 

“Okay, Evan stop.” Maddie sternly raises her voice at him in the way that usually gets him to stop spiraling into a dangerous game of what ifs. “Take a couple of deep breaths.” She guides Buck through a few deep breaths until he does seem to calm down a bit. He does stop pacing but his shaky hands never ease. “He’s just running a little late, if anything was seriously wrong I’m sure he would have let you know.” Buck nods his head, letting Maddie's soothing tone reassure him. 

Then as if on cue, a text notification pops up on top of his phone screen. “Oh god, Eddie just texted me. He just parked his car and is on the way up right now.” 

Maddie smiles softly. “See I told you everything was okay.” 

Now Buck is back to pacing as his nerves become practically unbearable. “Should I change my shirt? I think I should change my shirt.” His voice comes out uncertain and frantic.

Maddie simply rolls her eyes. “Buck, you changed your shirt like six times already. You look fine.” 

Buck shakes his head. “What if red is too forward though. I don’t want to look too eager .” His voice is laced with genuine concern as if the color of his shirt really does indicate that he is expecting more from the date than what he puts off. 

A confused look rests on Maddie’s features. “That doesn’t even make any sense.” 

Buck lets out a frustrated sigh. “It’s basic dating color theory, Maddie. Red means passion and I don’t want to look like I’m being too forward.” He quickly decides that the subtle hint of passion in the way he dresses is bad for a first date. After all he was the one to say that he doesn’t put out on first dates. “I’m changing my shirt.” 

“Can you at least put me down first,” Maddie says, “I swear I’m getting motion sickness from how much you're moving around.” So, Buck sets down his phone on the dining table before jogging up the stairs to his loft and beginning to sift through his closet. 

He strips from his red shirt and swaps it out for a simple white polo. Buck jogs back down the stairs and grabs his phone where Maddie is still on call picking at her nails. “What about white? I mean it’s simple, fresh, yet sophisticated.” 

Maddie fondly smiles through the phone screen and shakes her head. “You look perfect, Buck. Eddie will think so too, no matter what color shirt you decide to wear. But I’m pretty sure he’d prefer it if you weren’t wearing one.” Her teasing tone has Buck letting out a pathetic sounding whine. 

“Maddie, you're not helping.” He says with a pout. 

She laughs in return. “I just don’t understand why you’re so nervous. I mean you two are already dating so why is this such a big deal?” 

Buck takes this time to sit at the dining table and let out a deep sigh. “Because, Mads, this is our first date. Besides I’ve always been the one to plan the dates out and stuff, this time around I’m in the dark about literally everything. I’ve never been taken out on a date before so I can’t help it if I’m a little nervous.” 

Maddie gives a small smile. “I know, but you have to remember that it’s just Eddie.” 

Buck nods and lets out a sigh. “Exactly. It’s just Eddie. The same Eddie that I’m insanely in love with. The same Eddie I want to marry, share a mortgage, and do taxes with. The same Eddie whose babies I want to have. The same Eddie who I want to spend forever with.” 

Maddie tilts her head to the side and gives a teasing smile. “Okay, maybe don’t go proposing on the first date, and also you do know it is like physically impossible for you to get pregnant with his babies.” Buck takes a moment to look up at the ceiling to let out a small chuckle. 

“My point is,” Buck continues as he looks back at Maddie, “this date represents a lot more than just any first date with any other developing relationship. For us we know that this is it— that we’re it for each other. It’s the last first date that either of us are ever going to have.” 

“I never thought about it that way before.” Maddie says softly as she averts her gaze from Buck and focuses on something out of frame. “You never really know that your first date with someone could also be your last first date ever. So, you don’t really see what you’re losing. And you sure as hell don’t know that it’s going to be your last, but for you and Eddie you both know that you are losing something.” Suddenly her tone shifts to a slightly more melancholic one, like she’s just realizing that she’s lost the first of something without her even knowing. 

Maddie takes a deep breath and smiles as she meets Buck’s gaze once more. “You’re allowed to grieve this loss, but you should also be excited because this last is going to lead to so many firsts.” And Buck never really thought about it that way. 

He never took the time to consider the fact that just because this feels like a chapter is ending doesn’t mean the entire book is. And this is just a page in Buck and Eddie’s book that he has been dying to turn for ages now. 

Three light knocks on the front door is all it takes for Buck’s heart to start racing. “He’s here.” Buck whispers, leaning in closer to his phone. 

Maddie rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’m not deaf, I could hear him knocking.” Buck’s leg begins to rapidly bounce up and down with nerves. His hands begin shaking, and he feels like at any moment he could either throw up or pass out. “Are you going to get the door?” Maddie questions. When Buck turns his head and his eyes meet his front door he shakes his head. 

“I can’t.” He says, his voice slightly shaky. “I think I’m having a heart attack.” Buck says as he looks back at Maddie with a panic stricken expression. 

“Well, it’s a good thing that there is a firefighter slash army medic vet on the other side of your door.” Maddie responds with a teasing smile. When Buck doesn’t budge, Maddie takes it upon herself to roll her eyes and groan before shouting, “He’s coming!” 

Buck clenches his jaw in faux-annoyance. “You are the worst.” He says with a glare at her to which Maddie only proudly smiles.

“You’re welcome,” She says in a sing-song tone. “Now go have fun on your date, wear protection, you know the drill.” Heat rises to Buck’s cheeks as the words slip off of his sister’s tongue. 

“You really suck at this whole calming me down before a big date thing.” Buck retaliates with a roll of his eyes. 

“Love you too.” Maddie responds with a smile then ends the call. 

Buck takes a moment to take one last deep breath before standing up and walking to the front door. His hands shake as he reaches for the doorknob and the nerves running through his body don’t let up. In fact it feels like his whole body is vibrating with the unpleasant feeling. 

Knowing that he’s left Eddie waiting long enough, Buck finally twists the knob and pulls the door open. 

Eddie stands there in the hallway, one hand behind his back as if he’s hiding something from Buck. His hair is styled differently than normal, it looks more tousled but as if intentionally, and god Buck swears he loves it more this way. Golden brown eyes are soft and filled with so much adoration. And when Eddie smiles brightly and fondly Buck can feel all of the shaky nervousness evaporate from his body. 

“Hi.” Eddie says softly, his love-filled smile not faltering for even a moment. 

“Hey.” Buck breathes out as a placid smile curves the corners of his lips upward. 

They stay like that for longer than either of them realize. Eddie standing out in the hall with so much love swimming in the depths of his golden and honey brown irises, and Buck standing in his apartment looking back at Eddie as his heart beats out devotion for the man standing in front of him. 

Buck seems to completely forget that only moments ago he was pacing around his apartment, nervousness electrifying his entire being and his heart thumping so hard against his chest that he swore he was about to go into cardiac arrest. It’s almost as if all he needed was to see Eddie— to have him smile at him and look at him like he’s hung all the stars and the moon in the sky for his racing mind to quiet and his heart to still. 

Suddenly it’s like they both realize that they are just dumbly yet affectionately smiling at each other because Eddie shakes his head and clears his throat. “I- uh- I got you these.” He says as he moves his hand out from behind his back to reveal a bouquet of flowers. 

Buck feels his heart flutter in his chest as his lips slightly part in surprise. A feeling of warmth bursts in his heart which pumps it through his entire body. Buck has to blink away the tears beginning to brim in his eyes from the sheer amount of rapture dancing through his veins. 

“You got me flowers?” Buck whispers as he takes a step closer to Eddie to gently take the delicate bouquet from his hand. 

“I did promise clichés and all.” Eddie responds with a small smile. 

“No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.” Buck says, still in disbelief that he’s holding a bouquet, a bouquet that Eddie himself had bought specifically for him. “Well, besides the get well soon type.” He adds with a small chuckle as he makes his way to the kitchen with Eddie now finally stepping into the apartment and shutting the door behind him. 

“Carnations and daisies.” Eddie says as he shoves his hands in his jean pockets. 

Buck gently places the bouquet on the island counter before he begins fishing through his cabinets for a spare vase. Once he finds one and fills it up halfway with water and grabs a pair of scissors from a drawer he makes his way back over to the flowers and removes them from their wrapping before beginning to cut the stems at a diagonal then places them into the vase. 

“Dark pink carnations are said to represent tenderness and blooming love,” Eddie begins explaining away the reasons behind these chosen flowers as Buck simply admires them. “Daisies are more to symbolize new beginnings, affection, and-” 

“Hope.” Buck whispers, not taking his eyes off of the delicate flowers. 

The dark shades of pink in the fully bloomed carnations stand out beautifully against the soft whites of the daisies petals. The darker pigments don’t overpower the lighter ones though, and the soft hues of yellow sitting in the middle of the daisies bring a sense of joy to the entire bouquet and even to Buck’s heart. The entire bouquet gets gorgeously pulled together with greenery that Buck immediately recognizes which makes it feel like his heart strings are being pulled at. 

“Ivy.” Buck chokes out as his fingers dance along the green foliage. Tears begin to brim in the corners of ocean blue eyes, but they don’t fall. “Ivy doesn’t easily let go of something that its attached itself to. That’s why it represents fidelity. Devotion or loyalty or whatever you want to call it— it clings to whatever it can wrap itself around like it’s part of their vines.” The normally waxy smell of ivy gets drowned out by the herbaceous and slightly balmy and spicy scent of the daisies and carnations. “And because it’s evergreen it also is said to represent eternal life.” Buck says in a whisper as he looks back up at Eddie with his tear glossed eyes. 

These flowers mean more than Eddie’s joke about promising to give Buck all of the romcom clichés he can. Both flowers were picked so specifically, even the color of the carnations were so intentional for their symbolization within the bouquet. The new beginnings and hope blooming in the daisies, the tenderness and progression of love in the carnation’s deep shades of pink, and the ivy places so perfectly in between the empty spaces of the flowers filling the bouquet out and completing it represents not only devotion but eternity. 

This bouquet isn’t just a simple act of thoughtfulness or a cliché meant for the politeness of a first date. No, it’s a promise. It’s Eddie’s vow that no matter what life throws at them he will always and forever have his heart beating out unconditional love for Buck. 

And Buck feels like he can actually cry, hell he is on the verge of actually doing so. Emotions are already running high and they are less than fifteen minutes into their date. Buck doesn’t know how he’s going to survive the rest of the night when he’s already tearing up at some flowers. 

“Are you a secret botanist or something I don’t know about?” Eddie says with a curious yet teasing quirk to his lips. 

Buck chokes out a soft laugh as he blinks away the tears brimming in his eyes. “That’s actually a person who studies the scientific aspects of plants.” He smiles back down at the flower arrangement sitting beautiful in the vase. “I did also happen to briefly work at a flower shop before I came to LA though, so I got to learn about the different symbolisms within flowers and greenery for arrangements.” There’s a sudden rush of heat racing to his cheeks, dusting them in a light shade of pink. 

Eddie smiles as he simply admires with a soft gleam in his eyes the way Buck lightly trails his fingers over the flower petals and ivy leaves. “So I memorized that notecard the florist gave me for nothing.” He says with a hint of teasing in his voice which causes Buck to genuinely laugh at the fact that Eddie really memorized what each flower and foliage represents in the bouquet. 

“I– uh,” Buck takes a moment to clear his throat and meet Eddie’s gaze again who is already looking right back at him with the overwhelming glint of love pooling in his eyes. “I really do love them.” And it’s true. 

He loves the contrast between the deep pinks and the lightness of the whites and softness of the yellows. He loves the way the ivy sits in the spaces between the delicate flowers and even wraps around their stems to link them together. He loves everything this simple bouquet represents and symbolizes. And god Buck really does love Eddie more than he ever thought could be humanly possible. 

Eddie’s admiring look doesn’t falter, not even as he checks his watch then says, “We really should get going, it’s kind of a long drive to get there.” He says, and with that Buck grabs his phone and keys before they both leave the loft. 

“So, you’re really not telling me where we’re going?” Buck questions as they exit the apartment building and begin making the short walk to Eddie’s truck.

Eddie clicks his tongue. “Kind of defeats the whole point of the surprise, Buck.” He says with a teasing smile as he jogs ahead of Buck a little to open the passenger door of the truck for Buck. 

Buck takes his bottom lip between his teeth to stop himself from grinning ear to ear. “Clichés and all?” Buck questions with a curious arch to one eyebrow. 

Buck has never thought he’s seen a more beautiful shade of pink than the one that creeps its way onto Eddie’s cheeks. “More like the chivalrous thing to do.” Eddie responds. 

Buck hums. “And to think they say that it’s dead.” He then climbs into the passenger seat and once he’s settled, Eddie shuts the passenger door, and jogs around the front of the truck to get into the driver’s seat. 

The first five minutes of driving is quiet. It’s comfortable and Buck doesn’t think he’s ever felt as safe as he does in this moment with the city passing them by and Eddie right next to him. 

“Oh, shit.” Eddie says suddenly, making Buck turn his head in a panic to look at him. “I forgot.” He tries his best to grab his phone out of his pocket, only fumbling with it for a moment before holding it out for Buck to take. “Can you– I forgot to put on some music, it’s already connected to the bluetooth so you can just pick anything you want.” 

Buck nods his head as he takes Eddie’s phone and unlocks it– they both gave each other the passcodes to their phones a while ago after one of their many near death experiences. Buck was just going to add Eddie to his facial recognition access because it’s quicker and more simple but of course Eddie is very much– lack for a better word– afraid of that sort of technology, so Buck gave him his passcode instead. 

Buck opens up Eddie’s music app and on the front page he’s met with a recently played playlists tab, and of course the one specific playlist labeled ‘Evan’ with a heart next to it takes Buck’s intertest. 

The first three songs displayed the second he opens the playlist has Buck’s heart skipping a beat, and the more he scrolls and realizes what this playlist really is the more he can feel the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. 

“Eddie,” Buck says quietly, “this playlist, it’s all of my favorite songs.” He chokes out as Eddie takes his eyes off of the road for a split second to look at the playlist Buck opened. 

Eddie smiles softly. “Yeah, I– I sort of started adding songs to a playlist that you would always have on repeat or would be constantly humming or would even send to me.” 

Buck scrolls back up to the top of the playlist and notices the date on the first song that was added to it. “This first song,” He tries his best to blink back the tears in his eyes, “it says it was added five years ago. It was added a few weeks after we met.” Buck notices the way the hues of pink dusts across Eddie’s cheeks and even the bridge of his nose. 

“I did say months ago that I’ve loved you for a long time. Longer than I ever knew myself.” First the flowers now the discovery of this playlist. There is definitely no way that he is going to get through the rest of this date without either full on bawling his eyes out or proposing to Eddie. 

Screw what Maddie said about not proposing on the first date, there is no other couple in the world who are more deserving to get engaged on their first date than Buck and Eddie. Hell, Buck is just about ready to skip the whole engagement part altogether and straight up marry Eddie before the clock strikes midnight. 

Buck shakes his head to get himself out of his very impulsive thoughts relating to marriage. “Can I play it?” He questions, finger already hovering over the shuffle button right at the top of the playlist. 

Eddie smiles warmly but doesn’t take his eyes off of the road. “Of course, it’s your playlist after all.” And so Buck brings down his thumb the rest of the way and presses the button that begins shuffling through the playlist. 

The drive takes a little over an hour, and yet it seems to pass by in a blink of an eye. Buck belts out lyrics to the more fast paced songs and dances along to them. He performs the dramatic ballads, and softly sings along to the slower songs. He even at one point catches Eddie humming along to the softer ones and taps his fingers against the steering wheel in rhythm to the more upbeat ones. 

Before they know it, they are pulling into a gravel lot meant to resemble a parking lot. Buck turns off the music and sits up straight in his seat to look around. The first thing he notices is the greenhouse. Not just any normal greenhouse though, no, it’s huge and has different branched out areas connecting to the middle which is dome-shaped. The structure takes up acres of open land and the moonlight bounces off of the frosted glass. 

Eddie is the first to get out of the car, and he jogs around the truck until he gets to Buck’s side and opens the door for him. “This is one of those botanic gardens, right?” Buck questions as he gets out of the car but keeps his eyes on the giant greenhouse. 

Eddie glances back and smiles. “Yeah, but that’s not where we’re going.” Buck now averts his gaze to Eddie with a quizzical stare. “We’re going there.” Eddie nods into the opposite direction of where the greenhouse is. 

Buck turns his head to see where Eddie means. Across the open land from the greenhouse there lives hedges that have to be at least twenty feet tall. They spread for miles and act as walls keeping something enclosed inside that has Buck’s curiosity spiking. The foliage walls come together toward the front, even reaching upward and creating an arched roof of sorts that even are strung with fairy light. It’s like a pathway, leading to what secrets the hedges hold inside. 

Eddie holds out his hand. “Come on.” He says softly with an adoring smile. Buck gladly takes Eddie’s hands and immediately their fingers interlock. 

They walk hand in hand over to the entrance of the hedge walls, the fairy lights weaved within the green leaves twinkle overhead in their soft yellow glory. “So, what is this? Some sort of maze I need to figure out in order to get some big surprise?” Buck questions with a teasing smirk as they walk down the path that is much longer than Buck thought it would be. 

Eddie drops his head with a chuckle then glances over at Buck. “No. Something better actually.” The path curves slightly, and Buck’s curiosity only continues to grow the further they walk. 

Buck turns his head to look at Eddie who only continues to look forward as they walk. “Is this a recreation of The Shining ? Are you about to chase me through a maze with an axe? Because that happened in the snow, so it would be a pretty bad recreation.” Eddie doesn’t say anything to Buck’s jokes. He only smiles widely then stops in his tracks making Buck stop as well. 

Eddie’s eyes meet Buck’s. “Look.” He says with a squeeze to Buck’s hand. Buck turns his head and immediately his heart feels as if it stutters then stops completely and his lips part in surprise at the sight before him. 

The pathway opens into a huge garden, the dirt pathing turns into a loose stone one with garden lights bordering the sides of them. In the middle of the garden is a large wisteria tree, the green leaves flowering with shades of indigo and violet swoop down while branches are decorated with lanterns. Where there aren't benches, small water features, or the stone pathing; flowers and foliage cover the ground. 

Buck simply admires the area for a moment before Eddie squeezes his hand once again and guides him into the garden. Clovers and mushrooms litter the ground, some even are bioluminescent and glow in bright shades of greens, blues, and pinks. They walk down the pathing slowly, Buck stopping to admire the way the moonlight bounces off of the petals of different flowers. 

“How did you even find this place?” Buck questions still in complete shock that he isn’t dreaming of this. 

“Ravi owed me a favor.” Eddie says with a simple shrug. “A friend of a friend owns this place. Just had to make a few calls, and I got this place booked out for the night.” Buck turns his head to look at Eddie with wide-eyed shock. 

“We have this whole place to ourselves?” Then Buck is looking around only to realize that they are in fact the only two people walking through the garden. “Eddie, you didn’t have to–” 

“I wanted to.” Eddie cuts him off and looks back into ocean blue eyes. “I wanted to do this for you. For us.” He brings their interlocked hands to his face and places a gentle kiss on the back of Buck’s hand before dropping both their arms again and continuing through the garden. 

The area behind the wisteria tree holds a specially dedicated place for more rare plants that have Buck gasping softly. Below a stone water feature sits rows and rows of glowing flowers. Turquoise and jades, violets and corals– they illuminate under the night sky in an artistic blur. It’s something Buck never thought he’d ever seen before, something that he thought he’d only ever lay eyes upon in paintings or movies. 

“It’s so unreal.” Buck whispers more to himself as he admires the glowing plants. “It’s so pretty.” He says softly. 

“Yeah,” Eddie hums. “It really is.” And when Buck turns to look at Eddie he finds that warm brown irises aren’t looking at the illuminated flowers but at him. Heat immediately rushes to Buck’s cheeks, and he is so happy that it is dark enough that Eddie doesn’t point out how hard Buck is blushing. 

Eddie squeezes Buck’s hand once more with a love-filled smile then begins to guide them to the back of the garden where there is yet another winding pathway that leads to somewhere unknown like the entrance did. The fairy lights strung above are dimmer than the ones in the entrance path, and the pathing consists of loose stones and glowing clovers unlike the simple dirt path in the entrance. 

Buck doesn’t ask questions this time around, but his heart does race. If the entrance path leads to the beauty of the garden then there is no doubt that this path will lead to something that will absolutely take Buck’s breath away. 

And it does. By god it does. 

The path opens up to a large pond with a small waterfall in the back corner. The pond is bordered with large stones and aquatic greenery. And sitting right in the middle of the pond is a gazebo lit up with lanterns hanging from the ceiling. Buck feels as if all of the air gets sucked out of his lungs and his heart stills in his chest. Eddie guides them to the arched bridge that sits over the still water and leads to the gazebo. 

Buck lets his hand slip out of Eddie’s as he walks to one side of the gazebo and leans against the railing to look out at the pond. Lily pads float on top of the water along with waterlilies and the moonlight reflects off of the still surface. Frogs softly croak, nighttime bugs chirp, and fireflies dance around in the air. The sound of water falling ties the whole scene together in a calming manner. 

Buck has never felt so at ease in a place he has never even been to before. He has never felt so comfortable– so safe, and maybe it has something to do with the calmness of the still night over the pond or maybe it’s just because he has Eddie here with him. 

Eddie makes his way next to Buck, copying his pose by leaning against the railing. “I wanted to say sorry.” He says softly, like if he speaks too loudly he will ruin the calmness of the night. 

Buck turns his head and gives him a confused yet curious look. “For what?”

Eddie stares out at the pond. A guilty and slightly melancholic look on his face. “For all the rain checks, and then straight up saying no to the lakehouse. I know it wasn’t easy setting all of that up.” 

Buck’s expression softens as he bumps his shoulder against Eddie’s. “Hey, I had my fair share in calling rain checks too, and the whole lakehouse thing–” Buck takes a deep breath. “No hard feelings, right?” He really does forgive Eddie for that whole situation but at the same time it still has a residual sting resting in his heart from it. 

Eddie shakes his head and purses his lips, still looking out at the pond. “You thought I was breaking up with you, Buck.” 

Buck turns his head to also now look out at the water and watch the reflection of fireflies flicker in a blur over the still water. “But you didn’t.” Buck says softly then sighs. “Look, I blew things out of proportion. And maybe we both did things we wish we could redo, but everything did turn out fine in the end. We turned out fine, and I think that’s all that matters.” The silence that follows doesn’t turn awkward or cold. 

It remains peaceful, comfortable, and– most importantly– safe. They stay like that for a while. Nothing but the sound of flowing water, chittering insects, and singing frogs filling their ears. It’s so serene here, and if somehow someway this would be the last moment of Buck’s life then he would die happy.

“I love you.” Eddie says barely above a whisper. It’s easy to catch since the night is already so quiet. It’s not the first time Eddie’s said that, hell those three words slipped past his slips five seconds after he kissed Buck for the first time, and yet Buck’s heart still flutters everytime Eddie says it. 

“I love you too.” Buck whispers back with a small smile. 

“I really love you.” Eddie says again, something changes in his voice and Buck fully turns his body this time to look at him. He watches the way Eddie’s adam’s apple bobs as he thickly swallows before turning to look at Buck. Even in the dim lighting of the lanterns he can catch the way tears are brimming in the corners of golden brown eyes. 

Eddie turns to take Buck’s hands in his own. “I love you, and I have waited a long time to be able to say those words, and even now I don’t think I can ever say them enough that will make up for lost time. I love you, I love every single thing about you. I love that you love my son like he’s your own. I love the way you get so focused on certain things that you go into deep research about them, even if half of the time I have no clue what you’re even talking about.” Buck can feel his own eyes filling up with tears now. 

“I love the way you walk and talk.” Eddie continues. “I love the way you dress and get squeamish over certain textures and can’t eat certain foods because of their texture. I love the way you never shut up during movie nights, I love all of your favorite songs and how you perform them like you’re the one who wrote them. I love every single thing about you, Buck.” Eddie says, blinking away his tears and pushing down a wet sob. “But most importantly I love the way you love, and I love who I am when I’m with you.” Tears do fall from Buck’s eyes this time. So much for not crying on the first date, but in all honesty he couldn’t care less because this is definitely worth it. 

Buck lets out a choked wet-sounding laugh. “This is scarily starting to sound like a marriage proposal.” Eddie drops his head with a laugh. 

“No– well, not yet at least.” Eddie says softly as he looks back into Buck’s eyes. And Buck feels his heart actually skip a beat at the not yet part. “It’s just– I’ve known for a long time that I love you.” Eddie then takes a deep breath and gently squeezes Buck’s hands in his own. “But it took me just a little while longer to realize that I’m in love with you.” And that– that is new. 

Buck isn’t sure if he’s breathing anymore. If it wasn’t for the warmth of Eddie’s hands holding his or the sound of his own heartbeat thrumming in his ears– or maybe he’s hearing Eddie’s heart pounding against his chest– he would think that this is a dream or that he’s died and got sent to Heaven. 

Eddie has said ‘I love you’ dozens of times before, but him saying that he’s in love is something that Buck has never heard slip past his lips in all his time knowing Eddie. And the first time Buck is ever hearing Eddie say those words it’s directed at him . It feels so unreal, especially when they’re standing in the middle of a gazebo on the water with the moonlight shining down upon them and a goddamn decorative manmade waterfall a few yards away. 

“And that scares me.” Eddie chokes out. Buck watches through his tear-blurred vision the way a tear slips from Eddie’s eye and slides down his face slowly. “Because despite me loving in the past, I’ve never had this– I’ve never known the feeling of being in love with someone. It’s so new, and I feel like I constantly have to stop to catch my breath from how powerful and overwhelming it all is. So, despite it being terrifying it’s also thrilling and– and blissful.” A soft sob gets pulled from the back of Buck’s throat as tears continue to stream down his face. 

Eddie pulls Buck a little closer and drops his hands in order to grab Buck by the face and gently wipe away the tears cascading down his cheeks. “And I’m so glad that it took me so long to find out what being in love feels like,” Eddie says softly as he stares Buck directly in the eyes, “because I cannot imagine myself ever falling in love with someone who isn’t you. I don’t want to ever know what being in love feels like unless it’s towards you.” Golden brown eyes glisten with tears in the moonlight. Unconditional overwhelming love dances in his irises, softening his gaze he holds on Buck. 

Eddie’s hands drop from Buck’s cheeks and down until he’s cradling both sides of his jaw, and Buck simply leans into the touch. The warmth of Eddie’s hands emits off of his palms and soaks into Buck’s skin, engulfing his entire body in the feeling of pure unmovable serenity.

“I really don’t know how to follow up to that.” Buck chokes out a soft laugh. “I’m in love with you too. I don’t know if I could say it in the way you just did but I am.” And apparently that’s enough because Eddie smiles, warm yet softly. His eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of the lanterns and soft glow from the moon. 

Eddie then drops his hands from Buck’s face and looks down at his watch. “We really should get going now, I only got this place until midnight and the last thing we need is to stumble around in the dark because they shut the lights out on us.” Buck simply nods and allows Eddie to take his hand as they make the journey back out to the car. 

The drive back to Buck’s loft is a lot quieter and calmer. They opt to play one of Eddie’s playlists that consists of slower songs, but the entire drive back Eddie keeps one hand entangled in Bucks, placing soft kisses on the back of Buck’s hand periodically before allowing their linked arms to rest on the center console. 

“It really took us three months of dating to actually go on a first date.” Buck says as they make the journey down the hallway that leads to Buck’s apartment. 

Eddie hums softly, swinging their intertwined hands gently. “Three months, two days, and roughly–” He pauses to look down at his watch. “Three hours.” Buck smiles as his heart skips a beat. That’s still one of the only things that Buck doesn’t mind Eddie keeping the specified time for. “Or do we have to take into account the nineteen hours you thought we were broken up? Because that will screw up my entire time.” The teasing tone in Eddie’s voice has Buck rolling his eyes. 

“It doesn’t count.” Buck says with a soft groan as they reach Buck’s apartment. He digs into his pocket for his keys then grabs the one meant to unlock his door and slips it into the keyhole. 

When Buck opens the door and starts making his way inside, the feeling of Eddie’s hand slipping from his immediately has him turning around with a curious expression. “You want to come in for coffee or a beer?” Buck questions, not wanting this night to end despite it being close to two in the morning. 

Eddie smiles gently. “No, I shouldn’t. It’s already late, and I don’t want to keep you up.” Buck wants to protest. He wants to ask Eddie to stay the night even if it doesn’t lead to anything worthwhile. Just having Eddie in his presence is more than enough. 

“Oh, okay.” Buck says instead with a small nod. Buck watches as Eddie’s gaze lingers down to his lips as he takes a small step forward. Time feels as if it slows around them as Buck begins to lean in himself. 

Then Eddie clears his throat. “I– uh– I should go. Goodnight, Buck.” Eddie says, stepping back away from Buck. 

Buck takes a moment to recollect himself from the almost kiss. “Goodnight, Eddie.” He says in return as Eddie begins making his way back down the hallway. Buck shuts his door and leans his back against it allowing his head to tilt back as well with a soft thump from it hitting the wood. 

Weird. Not once did Eddie kiss Buck tonight– well besides lingering kisses on the back of his hand. Still, something about it seems off, especially just now when Eddie sure as hell looked like he really wanted to kiss Buck. 

That’s when it actually hits Buck. 

He lets out a soft scoff before turning around and opening the door, he jogs out of his apartment and down the hallway where Eddie hasn’t made it that far. 

“Eddie!” Buck half-shouts making Eddie stop in his tracks and turn around with a coy smirk. Buck wastes no time. 

The moment he reaches Eddie he grabs him by the face and kisses him hard. It’s just like Buck said he wanted except in reverse. Wanting to kiss Eddie goodnight after a date but being too polite to do so. Eddie chasing Buck into the street to kiss him instead. 

Clichés and all. 

“I was hoping you’d wait until I got downstairs.” Eddie says the moment Buck pulls away. 

Buck smiles down at him. “Hallway, street, what’s the difference? They both lead me to you anyways.” He says before pressing his lips back against Eddie’s. 

Buck has never been happier that it’s two in the morning because it only means that his neighbors won’t be coming out of their apartments to catch front row seats to the show that he and Eddie are putting on in the middle of the hallway. 

Eddie hums against Buck’s lips before pulling away to press their foreheads together. “Safe too.” He whispers soft and slow. Buck goes a little cross eyed as he tries to look into Eddie’s eyes. “I’ve never felt so safe when it comes to loving someone like this. You make being in love feel safe.” And Buck feels like he could cry again, but instead he kisses Eddie once more, this time soft, slow, and more chaste.

“Stay the night?” Buck questions as they finally pull away from one another. 

Eddie purses his lips and slightly squints his eyes as he thinks it over. “Rain check?” He says and takes his bottom lip between his teeth to suppress the grin that is threatening to spread across his face. 

Buck groans and lightly smacks Eddie against the chest. “Dick.” He says, causing Eddie to let out a quiet laugh. 

Eddie does stay the night though. Nothing worthwhile happens– because Buck does not put out on the first date– just the two of them falling asleep in each other’s arms almost immediately after changing out of their date clothes.

What happens the next morning is a whole different story because technically they aren’t on their first date anymore. Then again Eddie never did go home so it could mean that their date never really ended either. Whatever the rules are they don’t matter because Buck and Eddie– in the five years of knowing each other– have not once followed the rules anyway. 

Seven rain checks, one no, nineteen hours of heartbreak, and one perfect first date took place over the course of two months and some odd days. Maybe things could have been done differently but Buck doesn’t think he’d choose to change anything even if he was given the chance to. Because this outcome only would have happened if they did go through all of that trouble. 

This is the only ending he wants to see close this chapter of his and Eddie’s relationship. Buck is more than ready to continue this book now because he’s going into the next chapter finally knowing that for the first time ever someone loves him the exact same way he has always loved others. 

As Maddie said: Buck’s love is all in or nothing at all. 

And Eddie is all in– especially with the clichés.