Work Text:
It was a normal day in the Mushroom Kingdom…ok, that’s a lie, what really was happening was Peach’s Castle was on fire, soon, the SMG4 gang came running out in a panic, “Holy sh*t, what happened!?” Saiko yelled, “Good question.” Luigi responded, then he collapsed from the fire on his back, Meggy, Saiko, and Tari panicked and started trying to put him out.
As chao raged outside the burning castle, Smg4 came walking out, his face was filled with annoyance, he was also dragging Mario with him, who was eating some spaghetti. The gang noticed the two, “Smg4, what happened!?” Meggy asked him, Smg4 didn’t answer, he just hoisted Mario up and pointed at him, “He happened.” He finally answered.
Everyone looked at Mario, Mario just stared at them, “Hey, my spaghetti was cold.” He told them, then he went back to eating, the gang faces all switch to annoyance/anger, Saiko went over and grabbed Mario by his neck, “YOU FATA**!!” She shouted at him, “No please, don't hurt Mario!” Mario pleaded.
Smg4 came over and separated the two, “Trust me Mario, she’s the least of your concerns.” Smg4 said to him, Mario gave him a look of confusion, “What do you mean by that?” Fishy Boopkin asked, Smg4 once again pointed to the castle doors, out from the fire came Princess Peach, the gang went silent.
Mario got up, he was very scared, “Uh guys, mine a helping…” Mario was asking as he turned around, only to see that the gang, except for Smg4 had backed a certain distance away from the man, “Sorry pal, you’re on your own!” Bob called out to Mario, Mario gulped as he turned around, Peach was right in front of him, her eyes burning with anger.
She then grabbed Mario and lifted him up into the air, “You better find a way to fix this, or I’ll grind you to dust.” She threatened, Mario didn’t say anything, he just nodded, with that, Peach let go, she left with Toadsworth, leaving Mario to ponder, “How am I gonna make money?” He pondered to himself.
As he wondered, Smg4 looked down and saw a flier laying on the ground, he picked it up and took a look at it, the gang came over and took a look, “I think I know just the thing.” Smg4 smiled, Mario looked at him confused, Smg4 showed him the flier, “Da**it.” Mario muttered.
—
The gang is at a race track, Smg4 puts a kart down, “There we go, all settle, you ready Mario?” Smg4 told him, Mario looked at him, “Do I have to do this?” He whined. “Well yeah, unless you wanna get pounded by Peach…in a bad way.” Smg4 told him, “And also I’m in crippling debt for making this kart too.” He continued on.
“Wait, how the hell are you in debt!?” Saiko asked him, “Oh come on, you think I know how to make these things!?” Smg4 responded, Saiko just shrugged, Smg4 sighed and walked over to Mario, “Come on Mario, the race is gonna be starting soon.” He told him, “But I don’t wanna, I rather get pounded.” Mario said, all of a sudden, Saiko’s hammer came down on Mario.
Everyone looked at Saiko with shock, “Hey, he said he wanted to be pounded, wish granted.” Saiko said, Mario groaned in pain, Smg4 bent over, “How about now?” He said with a smirk. Mario growled as his flatten body made its way to the kart, once he inflated himself he started it and went to the line.
—
Mario waited for what felt like hours for the race to begin, but finally, the light hit green and they were off, as Mari oraced, he heard a familiar laughter coming from beside him, he looked to see Wario on his bike, “Whaa, hello fatso!” Wario called out to him, “Say you.” Mario responded, he then sped off, but Wario wasn’t far off his tail.
As he caught up with the red plumber, he pulled out a bomb, he then chucked it at Mario, the bomb started to hiss, Mario heard this and turned back, “OH F*CK!!” Mario screamed, he quickly dodged as the bomb went off, Wario was not please, “You fat f*ck.” Mario muttered, up ahead, he saw some floating question blocks, he passed through one, he got a banana, Mario laughed.
“Take this…” Mario's sentence was cut off when he saw Wario had a rocket launcher, “Damn, tough luck.” Wario laughed and shot Mario, the red plumber went flying, screaming. With Mario out of the picture, Wario continued on, one by one, he continued knocking other racers out, or maybe killing them, I can’t really say, this universe makes no sense 90% of the time and you know I’m right on that.
Meanwhile, Mario had landed in a field, his car was smoking and even on fire, Mario quickly jumped up, his face filled with rage, “If that fata** wants to play it that way, then so be it.” Mario said, with that, he quickly started resembling his car and sped off, ready to kick Wario’s a**.
On the race track, Wario was chilling, no racers were in his way as they were either dead, or out and he was cruising to victory for that 3 Million prize money, all of a sudden, his car was hit by a shell, a red one, Wario almost fell out, but regained control, he looked to see Mario, “SUP F*CKER!!” He shouted, “Wherr, somebody cheated.” Wario grumbled to himself.
They both soon passed item blocks, Wario manage to get another rocket launcher, “Alright fata**, say goodbye…again.” Wario said and he shot the rocket at Mario, but he caught it, shocking Wario, Mario then threw it back, but Wario quickly dodged it, soon Mario item was chosen, blue shell, Wario laughed, “Ha, your in the lead, how ya gonna use that now…” Wario's finish was cut off when Mario threw it into Wario’s face.
Wario let out a cry of pain as the shell exploded, Wario and his car were thrust towards the finish line as Mario raced on, Wario and his car landed just a few meters from the finish line, “Whaa, now’s my chance.” Wario laughed, he started his car up, then…it broke into many pieces, “Well sh*t.” Wario grumbled, then he was run over by Mario as he won the race, “WAAHOO!!” Mario celebrated. The gang cheered Mario as he won, “Way to go red!” Meggy shouted, “Now I won’t be a hobo!” Smg4 cheered.
—
At the victory lane circle, Mario was awarded 3 Million, “Thank you, thank you.” Mario called to the crowd, as he said that a group were sitting not too far from him, they were confused, “Didn’t Johnny win…” the boy didn’t finish his sentence when Mario shot him dead, “Thank you, thank you.” Mario continued on, finally, it was time to go home, “Well, you got the money for Peach, that’s good.” Smg4 told Mario.
“Oh, this ain’t for her.” Mario said, the gang looked at him, “Then, what are you gonna do with Peach?” Tari asked, the gang soon founded there answer when Mario sent Peach to space with a blue shell, “See ya next time b*tch!” Mario called, “Best idea ever!” Bob said and the entire gang cheered.