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Returning from Maggie's, Aziraphale was surprised to find only Muriel in the bookshop and inquired, "What happened to Crowley?"
The other angel replied, "Well, he was taken against his will--"
"What?!"
"Well, it seems that Mr. Brown, Mutt, his spouse, Mr. Arnold and some of the other shopkeepers remembered how Crowley saved them on the night of the attack and took him out for a drink at the pub to thank him."
Aziraphale sighed with relief and thought that perhaps in the future he should teach Muriel to nuance their words to make them less ambiguous.
He asked them, "May I ask you to close the shop tonight?"
Muriel nodded enthusiastically, as they always did when given a responsibility.
Aziraphale thanked them and added, "Anyway, I'm just across the street at the Dirty Donkey if there's any trouble."
He walked to the pub and entered, not surprised to find it packed, especially at this time of day. He looked around for Crowley, and just as he caught sight of the unmistakable red hair, Mr. Brown spotted him and waved his arms to summon him to their side.
Aziraphale made his way through the crowd to a table where several of the shopkeepers were seated and waved to them. Then he glanced at Crowley, who was holding a glass of scotch and looked at him, saying softly, "Come on, angel, we've saved a seat for you.
Aziraphale had expected Crowley to be taciturn under the circumstances, but was surprised to find him in such a good mood. He sat down in the chair that had been vacated for him. Crowley moved closer and said in his ear, taking advantage of the ambient noise, "The liquor here is of good quality, it helps to put up with a few inconveniences."
Aziraphale chuckled softly, better understanding the demon's good mood.
Crowley put his arm on the back of the angel's chair, making him realize how close they were, and then the demon continued, pushing a glass toward him with his other hand, "I took the liberty of ordering you a sherry."
Aziraphale placed his hand on Crowley's and said softly, "Thank you, my dear, that's very thoughtful of you."
Realizing where they were, he almost immediately removed his hand from Crowley's and placed it on his knee.
He was embarrassed and kept his eyes down, inwardly admonishing himself for letting fear and guilt control his behavior once again.
When will he be able to let go?
When will he be able to take what he wants without second-guessing himself every time?
He thought of all the aborted smiles, all the barely made gestures, all the times he'd preferred to hold back rather than let go.
"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?"
Aziraphale turned his head toward Crawley and the demon chuckled as he continued, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."
Then he laughed, and Aziraphale couldn't help but laugh along with him.
Oh yes, it would be so funny if it were the like t-.
Then his laughter suddenly stopped and he lost his smile before he said, "No. It wouldn't be funny at all."
The demon lost his smile as well, and the rain came down, preventing them from continuing their conversation.
That didn't stop Aziraphale from listening to his heart and putting his wing over the demon's head to protect him.
**********
Aziraphale eyed the demon warily for a few seconds before extending his hand. The demon shook it, then said, "We'd be godfathers, sort of, overseeing his upbringing."
Then, leaning forward, he added, " We do it right, he won't be evil. Or good. He'll just be normal."
Aziraphale said in a tone of wonder as he watched, "It might work.
Then he added, "Godfathers. Well, I'll be damned." and laughed lightly.
The demon winked at him and said, "It's not that bad when you get used to it," and Aziraphale continued to laugh with him.
But once again, he lost his smile when he realized what he'd just said.
********
"I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides."
Having said that, Beelzebub grabbed Gabriel's hand and they both stayed there, indifferent to the rest of the room.
Aziraphale didn't hear the reactions of the other people in the bookshop, as his only reflex was to reach for the demon. He put his hand on Crowley's arm in a spontaneous gesture.
Witnessing Gabriel and Belzeebub's love in front of him, he was only aware of the emotions he felt at that moment and of the person who inspired them.
He didn't realize the threat to Nina and Maggie, and it wasn't until he lost his connection to Crowley that he came back to reality, his hand making one last gesture to hold the demon back as he forced his mind back to the present.
He was brought out of his thoughts by Crowley's hand, which had slipped over his under the table, intertwining its fingers with his own.
He looked up at the demon, who just nodded and smiled softly, as if to say everything was okay.
But Aziraphale felt a kind of unease.
He couldn't put his finger on it, but the feeling stayed with him all evening, even as he talked and laughed with the others, his fingers and Crowley's still intertwined under the table.
He still felt that unease as he and the demon left the pub and crossed the street to the bookshop.
It wasn't until he and Crowley walked through the door that he realized where it all came from.
It was when he saw the exact spot where Crowley had first kissed him. Instinctively, he raised his hand to his lips.
"You idiot. We could have been...us."
Aziraphale turned away, refusing to see Crowley go, not noticing that the demon had returned, and it wasn't until he grabbed his coat and his lips were pressed to his that he realized what was happening.
He didn't know what to do.
He didn't know who he was.
He didn't know where he was.
He only knew one thing: he didn't want to lose Crowley.
He didn't want to lose his connection to Crowley.
Once again, his body did what his mind was unwilling to do and he put his hands on Crowley's back.
Holding him against his body.
But it was too late.
Crowley was already pulling away.
Aziraphale's mind was back in control. Or the illusion of it.
And it was all over.
"Angel?"
Aziraphale turned to Crowley, who was looking at him worriedly.
Crowley who had first revealed his feelings.
Crowley who had kissed him, who had reached out.
Crowley who had held his hand moments before.
Always, always Crowley reaching out.
When Aziraphale was the one who stopped on the way.
He couldn't let them go on like this.
He had no reason to hold back anymore.
Driven by a compelling urge within him, he walked toward the demon and, placing his hands on his shoulders, grabbed the lapels of Crowley's jacket and pulled him toward him, pressing his lips to his own.
The demon froze for a split second before responding to the kiss and resting his hands on the angel's hips.
In that moment, Aziraphale stopped thinking, forgot everything that wasn't Crowley, everything that wasn't his hands on him, his lips against his, his breath mingling with his.
He grabbed and held nothing back.
His hands slid from the demon's shoulders to his hair, burying his fingers in it, pressing the demon's head against his own to deepen the kiss. Crowley obliged, and the kiss lingered until they were both out of breath.
A short time later, when they parted, Aziraphale had to hold onto the demon's shoulders for support, his legs giving out as he felt intoxicated, exhilarated by a sense of freedom he'd never felt before.
As he supported him, Crowley said softly, "Easy, angel..." then added, putting his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders, "Come on, let's sit down," pulling him toward the sofa.
They sat down and Crowley, turning to him, asked quietly, "What's gotten into you, angel? Not that it was unpleasant, far from it, but..."
Aziraphale shook his head and grabbed the demon's hand, saying urgently, "Because it's not fair. Because I can't have you holding out your hand all the time. I don't want to have to stop when I laugh or smile, I don't want to have to take my hand away from yours, I don't want to stop in the middle of whatever it is I feel like doing."
Crowley nodded and said quietly, "As long as you know it's not a competition and I'm not keeping score. As always, at your own pace. I know you want to change. I can see you changing. We both have so much to learn, so don't put any pressure on yourself. Okay, angel?"
He raised the angel's hand to his lips and planted a tender kiss there as Aziraphale slowly nodded.
Then the Angel, a new gleam in his eye, asked Crowley, "May I kiss you now?"
Crowley, with the same gleam in his eye, replied softly, opening his arms, "Take what's yours, angel."
And Aziraphale reached out and took.