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hey Eds, hope you and Chris are having a good day
I hope it’s not weird but I lit a candle for Shannon
oh, wow. thanks
it's tough, but we're doing okay I guess
are you planning to visit her grave?
yeah
it’s a good day for it
lots of sunshine
... yeah, I guess so
we’d go regardless
yeah of course
well, tell her happy birthday from me 😊
sure thing
and let me know if you need anything
I will
so
how are you? really?
……
would you believe me if I said fine?
nope
didn’t think so
today always makes me feel so guilty
why guilty?
.... I missed so many of shannon's birthdays
when I was deployed. when we were apart
she missed your birthdays too
that wasn't her choice though
it was when she left and didn’t come back
I pushed her to that
maybe you did, but she came back and wanted to try again
doesn’t sound like someone mad at you
Idk
everything between us was always so complicated
yeah
but I loved her
if only that had been enough
she loved you too
..........
and maybe I don’t know everything that happened between you, but I do know that since meeting you I’ve seen nothing but a father trying to better himself for his kid
thanks
......... she wanted to divorce me
shannon. before she died. she said she wanted a divorce, even after we were trying to fix things
shit, Eddie
how come you never told me?
idk
I talked to Bobby about it once
Christopher doesn't know either
did she say why?
she said things had changed for her
so it wasn’t because of you then
c'mon, of course it was
look, I don’t know enough to guess at what she was thinking
but I can’t imagine anyone being disappointed with you
from what I saw, you did your best
remind me to introduce you to my father
I’ll keep that in mind next time you tell me you have to go visit your family 😉
anyway
look
if I’ve learnt anything from dating, it’s that sometimes you can both be trying your hardest and it still just doesn’t work out
maybe
you need to cut yourself some slack
not today I don't. today is the day I remember.
remember and celebrate who Shannon was
do you think she’d want you moping all day??
I don’t mope
you know Christopher’ll pick up on your emotions too
if things were reversed and Shannon was the one celebrating your birthday with Chris, would you want her feeling guilty about things she can’t change?
......... no
of course not
okay
so what’s the plan today?
how are you gonna focus on celebrating Shannon instead of feeling guilty about things you can't change?
I can do both of those things simultaneously actually
oh right, because you're so clever 🙄
I am, yes
thank you
we're going to start with visiting shannon's grave. Take a picnic with us. and then when we come home Chris and I will watch her favourite movie together
I usually call her dad today, too.
that sounds great
yeah
I'm mostly concerned about Chris today. It's always a tough day for him
how's he doing so far?
he's struggling, I think. but trying to hide it
he's way too much like me sometimes
I say this with love, okay? but if Chris is struggling then that's all the more reason you should try to distract yourself from your guilt
the same way you can tell he's trying to hide how he feels, he's probably picking up on your feelings too
....... maybe
you might be right
either you need to distract yourself from it and just focus on the positive, or be real with him and just tell him how you're feeling and why it's complicated
I don't think today is the day to have that conversation with him
okay
how long until you leave for her grave?
We'll probably leave within the hour
do you have everything ready?
pretty much
tell me if I need to stop bothering you
you're never a bother, buck
good 🙂
let me know if you need anything today
I will
I'm just gonna be hanging around the house all day anyway
you don't have any plans?
not really
well, today's plan is to be available if you need me 😅
that's so great of you, buck
thank you
any time
you said you're gonna watch Shannon's favourite movie
yeah
are you having her fave food and stuff too?
yes
well, mostly
I couldn't get her favourite cake, and I don't have the skills to make it
I haven't told Chris yet, he's gonna be so upset about it 😬
what kind of cake is it?
Chocoflan Impossible Cake
she adored it
impossible cake?
that sounds like a challenge to me
😉
exactly. Too challenging for me, even if I have improved at cooking
I'm happy to give it a try
you can't try it, I couldn't get one
I mean making one
........... oh
you would do that?
on your day off?
of course
wow
thanks buck
it would mean the world to Chris
I've already found three recipes
… wow
okay then
just trying to figure out which one will be best
I couldn't tell you
I might text Bobby and see if he has any ideas
all I know about cake is eating it
lol
okay, well ... let me check with Chris if he's okay with you coming over today
maybe you can stay for a bit
I don't have to come over
I mean, whatever you want
......... are you going to make a virtual cake and text it to me, then?
no 😅
I just meant I can drop off the cake when it's done but I don't have to hang around if you don't want me to
let me see what Chris wants
👍
you want the cake for dessert tonight? or earlier?
yeah, for dessert would be great
Christopher called me an idiot and said of course he wants you here
😂
you’re not an idiot
that’s so rude
tell Chris I love him ♥️
I will
he says he loves you too and insisted I sent back a 💚emoji 🙄
amazing
💙
is this gonna be a thing now? do we have to just keep sending hearts to each other?
💜
🙄
😘
anyway
I'd better go make sure I have all the ingredients
good luck
you're amazing for doing this
it’s no problem
I’m happy to help
thanks buck
you're an amazing father, Eddie
I’m trying
that’s what’s important
the trying
yeah, I guess
I should let you go get ready
have a good picnic
yeah, I was about to say, I have a couple more things to do
But I'll see you later. Let me know when you're gonna come over
sure thing
text me if you think of anything else you need
I will
you’re the best
see you later x
see you, buck
*
hey buck
Christopher asked me to check in, see what time you think you'll be over
hey
that depends on when you want me over
I don't wanna interrupt if you want it to just be you two for a bit
it’s okay
we're going to Facetime with Shannon's dad shortly, dunno how long we'll talk for
but if you wanted to come over after that, you could watch the movie with us. Chris says he'd like that
sure, I’d love that
great
this cake was surprisingly easy to make btw
................
thank you for making me feel soooo inadequate in my baking skills 😅
nooooo that's not what I meant!!!!
I was trying to reassure you
to tell you that I haven't been slaving away over here
I get you, it’s fine
I’m just teasing
rude
sorry
I forgive you x
thanks
anyway the cake's all baked, it's just cooling still
so just let me know when your facetime chat is over and I'll head over with it
sounds great
how’s Chris?
he’s okay, I think
visiting shannon has helped his mood
and he's looking forward to talking to her dad. it's been a while since they chatted
that’s good
I’m glad
and what about you?
........ what about me?
how’re you doing?
oh
honestly?
I’m sad Buck
I'd be concerned if you weren't
....... right
yeah
it’s normal
I mean, it sucks, but it's normal
of course it is
I know that
you’re gonna be okay
sure
I promise
tbh, it'll be good to see you today
yeah?
yep
well, good
I'm looking forward to seeing you two
great
well, I'll text you again soon
sure
I love you
I love you too