Chapter Text
Looking at your pain an inch away, it's hard to see the plot
You wonder if your story's gonna change...
Don't know why, you are breaking
I know you want to let go...
- Beauty in the Broken, Hyland
Killua never made it outside.
He only needed to make one more step. One more step, and he could of have gone beyond the family gates, on his own terms. He could almost taste the freedom, and for the first time in his twelve years of existence, hope and promise filled his heart. Just one more step. Then he would be free. He wouldn’t have to kill. He wouldn’t have to carry the burden of ‘heir.’
The next thing Killua knew, his next step never hit the ground. His whole body jerked upwards, a large cold hand holding him from the back, face suddenly eye-to-eye with a man with long hair.
“Why, hello Kil. Where are you running off to? A job?” Said the tall man with lifeless, unblinking eyes.
"Or perhaps... running away?"
Silence. Killua only glared back.
“Oh Kil, I thought we had taught you better than that… I hope you realize that there is no escape.”
The words reverberated around Killua’s head, a sudden pounding at his temples. No, no, NO, Killua thought, trying to keep his brother’s voice out of his head. It wasn’t working. With each word Illumi spoke, the headache got worse and worse. Stop resisting… it’ll be less painful… you’ll never escape so give up now...
“Well, it seems to best thing to do is give you more training until you’ve learned your lesson. Let’s go back, Kil, you still can’t handle the real world… not yet. You’re not strong enough. Maybe in the future, perhaps?” Killlua knew that Illumi was lying - Killua would never be able to go outside by himself. No, he would never be allowed to do anything by himself. Killua struggled against Illumi's grip.
"Kil, did you already forget the most important lesson we taught you? Don't start a fight you can't win. Do you think you can beat me?"
Killua froze, and immediately stopped resisting. I... can't do it. Defeated, Killua let himself be taken inside.
Pathetic, aren't I?
For the rest of the day, Killua went through a particularly painful ‘training’ and spent most of his night immobile and puking, his body sore from the abuse. They had just introduced a new type of poison, and this one was much worse than all the others he had faced before. His throat burned and he felt has if his whole body was on fire. Eyes watering, he barely managed to stay sitting on his chair, only to find the foul liquid going down his throat again. Killua spluttered, and Illumi tsked from behind a glass wall.
“Kil, I thought you were better trained than this.”
Soon after, Killua was forced through and extra training session with Illumi. Killua hated these, mostly because it wasn’t training. Abuse was a better word.
“For misbehaving,” Illumi whispered, and proceeded to whip his back. Killua didn’t know how, but even though Killua had been trained to bear the pain of whips, every time Illumi hit him felt like he had never been trained before.
Killua had to limp back to his room, barely able to speak and back bloodied.
He never tried running away again. At least, not until three years later…
But this time was different. For one, Killua was older and trained in nen. Secondly, KIllua had made sure Illumi would be on a job far away. The last time had been poorly planned and one of those ‘spur-of-the-moment’ ideas. Not this time. And most importantly, there was another person escaping with Killua.
Her name was Alluka.
And there is no way I will fail this time. Killua thought. Alluka is depending on me!
Killua could of have used Nanika’s wishes, but that would involve more complications. It made the plan easier for Killua to just take her and run.
So well into the night, Killua used his fingerless electrical gloves - his fourteenth birthday present - to break into Alluka’s prison room. Unfortunately, the blast was a little louder than expected. Killua hurriedly motioned Alluka to climb onto his back.
“Onii-Chan!”
“Shh… here we’re going to escape, ok? Just climb onto my back and hold on tightly.”
Alluka silently nodded. Killua whispered ‘kanmaru’ and rushed out of the house.
Fate was cruel.
Just like last time, one more step was needed. One more step, and everything could of have turned out differently. As Killua shifted Alluka in order to push the testing gates, Silva dropped in from the sky. Killua, unable to stop running in time, ran full force into his father while Alluka flew off Killua’s back and into a tree.
“Ilumi said you were acting weird but this is not what I expected,” Said Silva, unfazed by the sudden impact from Killua.
“I am very disappointed in you, son.”
Killua felt the air leave his lungs. It didn’t matter, he didn’t care about his father’s approval… right? Focus, Killua thought. Alluka… Alluka!
Killua whipped his head around behind him only to find his younger sister crumpled on the floor. Silva started to walk towards her. The gears slowly started to turn in Killua’s head.
“No, NO. Wait please. Please. She didn’t do anything wrong. Please - punish me. Punish me instead.” Killua was desperate now, emotion in his voice for the first time in years.
Silva looked back at his son and scowled. “Such a waste… so much potential…,” Silva muttered. He then picked Alluka up from the collar of her dress, her whole body limp. She started to violently cough. After a while, she looked up at Killua.
“It’s… ok Killua. It’s ok.” Alluka gave a small smile to Killua, before getting into another coughing fit. “Killua… no matter what happens… to me… please. Please promise.”
“Please promise you’ll live..., ok, Onii-chan?”
Killua was in tears now, on his knees and sobbing.
“Please, no. Wait.”
“Promise…” Alluka’s voice was getting weaker as Silva started to pressure Alluka's head.
“I… I promise.”
“OK, Killua, you promised!” This time it was Nanika. Despite the dire situation, Nanika and Alluka gave Killua the most radiant smile. Her whole face lit up, and her cheeks became rosy.
Time seemed to be slowing down. Silva gave a sigh, and looked at Killua’s broken face.
"You said ‘punish me,’ correct?” Silva asked. “Well then, here is your punishment, for going against me.”
And with a sickening crack, Silva crushed Alluka’s skull. Hot liquid flew onto Killua, and he could only think, “no no please, no, no.” Moment’s before her death - surely she knew what was coming - Alluka had given Killua a look full of love, not hate. He swore he could hear Alluka say “I love you,” but Killua did not want to believe it. How could she love… me? He had killed Alluka, brought her into the whole mess. Her blood was on Killua’s hands.
Killua could only scream.
Such a waste… so much potential…
There is no escape….
You promised.