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Maybe it was all too much, or maybe he just wasn't enough. It could've been a manner of a hundred-million things, but every thought all came to one conclusion: it was all his fault. He had been through this before, but he didn't know how he could cope this time around.
He had lost his family before but he had a bottle of booze to indulge himself with as he forgot the world around him. He didn't have that anymore. Bobby never thought he would miss that part of his life but here he was, craving the amnesia only a bottle of Jameson could provide.
Moving to California had been hard, but his team at the 118 had made it easy. The regret of his actions had plagued him, and continued to do so, but loving these people, and subsequently being loved by them has made it easier. But despite all of his objections to the suggestion, Bobby had found a soft spot for Buck; he took the young man in and helped him mold himself to be the man he had grown up to be. Buck was the closest thing Bobby would ever get to a father-son relationship again, but God did he wish the treasured it more.
Bobby had seen Buck in a hospital bed a countless amoutn of times, but this time was different. This time Buck has a series of wires and tubes running in and out of his body. Some were providing pain relief, other blood, or nutritions. The one Bobby hated the most was the one that breathed for him. He hated that Buck couldnt breathe himself and needed some machine to do it for him, and he hated it that it was under his watch did this happen.
Deep down, Bobby knew that he couldn't control the weather, and he was sure as Hell that he couldn't have predicted that lightning would strike buck down from that ladder. But still, it was under his watch, command, and guidance that he went up that ladder. It was still his fault that he went up. It was his fault that Buck had to be rescued, and resuscitated, and revived.
It was all his fault and he didn't know if he could live with himself if he lost Buck also.
Days passed, the sun rose, and set, and rose once again. Nurses and doctors changed shifts, people came to see Buck and they left once again. The only constants were the pulsing of the heart rate monitor and Bobby himself. It all blended and blurred with each other, so much so that the sound of his phone pinging jolted him to attention.
Clicking the phone to life, he saw a singular message on his home screen from Athena.
Are you okay? Have you slept, it's late.
Bobby looked up and out the window, sure enough the sun had set once again. He then looked down to the date on his phone. Thursday. Time had passed a lot quicker than he had expected, but then again he wasn't very aware of much lately. As quickly as he could, he shot back a reply.
I haven’t slept in days, I don't think I can right now
At this, he switched his phone to silent and slid it into his pocket. he could argue about his self destructive tendencies with Athena another time. Right now he wanted to pour all of attention into Buck, just in case he woke up. Just in case.