Work Text:
"I think I’ve had enough. Haven’t you guys had enough?”
“Yeah, I think so. It was bad enough yesterday, and it’s only getting worse.”
“I’m going to strangle him with that fucking beanie soon.”
“If I have to hear one more fucking ‘ARE YOUU’ –”
“I swear, if they don’t work it out someone’s gonna get thrown out the window.”
“So, what do we do? We have to do something.”
“We could get them drunk tonight?”
“We’ve tried that before. Bojan drinks too much and becomes totally unfuckable.”
“We sabotage his alarm tomorrow morning so he’ll have to stay?”
“That would be good, except we kinda need him for Stožice rehearsal.”
“One day couldn’t hurt?”
“You really think he’d make it back after only a day?”
“Yeah, good point.”
“What if one of us just tells Jere?”
“Bojči would never forgive us.”
“He would if it works out?”
“We still don’t know for sure, though.”
“Don’t we? I mean. Look at them.”
“Still, it could backfire. I think he needs to do it on his own.”
“Truth or dare? Never have I ever, again?”
“One hotel room, one bed?”
“Sex pollen?”
“What?”
“Sorry, I thought we were just shouting out fanfiction tropes.”
“Again, what?”
“Never mind. CPR demonstration?”
“Mistletoe? Fake New Years?”
“We make them jealous? Someone hits on Jere?”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Yeah, maybe not.”
“What if we just… took off?”
“You mean, now?”
“We’re all in the van. They’re still out there. Now’s our chance.”
“But…”
“There’s still plenty of time before soundcheck. And we won’t go too far. Let’s just scare them a little.”
“It’s worth a try?”
“Fine. Hey, let’s go! Yeah, right now. Go go go!”
“I’m going to text him. Dear… Mr… Cvjetićanin. This is your audacity calling. I have kidnapped your band. To get them back and to recover your dignity, please let the one and only Mr. Worldwide next to you know how you feel, and beg him to let you in his pants ASAP. Do this at your earliest convenience so we can make it to soundcheck on time, and also so your band won’t have to slap you into next week. Thank you for your cooperation.”
“Not too over the top at all, there.”
“Tell that to your shirt.”
“Has he seen it?”
“Yeah, he’s typing. ‘not funny, come back right now’. Predictable.”
“What’s next, ‘you are all jerks and I’ll tell your mommies’?”
“So, what now? We should probably pull over so we don’t get too far.”
“Yeah, good idea. Hey, can you pull over for a sec? Yeah, it’s fine, no worries.”
“Umm, guys? I just got a text from Jere.”
“He has your number?”
“He knows your name??”
“Ha ha. It says, ‘I have plan tonight, back off.’”
“Huh.”
“Wow.”
“Okay.”
“So… I guess we go back?”
“Yeah. But how are we going to…”
“Act like normal?”
“We’re so good at that.”
“So does this mean I have to put up with that same shit the whole day? Please, I can’t.”
“Maybe he’ll have something else to think about now, at least.”
“Who woulda thunk that guy had it in him?”
“Always knew it.”
“You would, you’re so soft on him.”
“Shut up.”
“I just hope it works out.”
“Which is worse, pining miserable Bojan, or just-got-laid-and-you-didn’t Bojan?”
“My money’s on the second, but I guess we’ll find out.”
“Yippee. Can’t fucking wait.”