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"Reality won't stop for anyone. You must keep moving at all times or you'll be trampled upon. It's a predatory world, after all. The weak will either stop and lose everything or constantly pretend they're winning."
"...That sounds stupid."
"The truth is however you perceive it, but it's still truth at the end of the day, Shizu-chan." Izaya replied, eyes closed as he leaned into the breeze.
Ikebukuro's rooftop ledges were one of the most satisfying places to sit. From this height, he could hold witness to humans running around in circles like clueless ants. The bustling streets below never stopped. No matter what day or time, there was always something delightful and interesting to see right around the corner. It was terribly exciting.
Shizuo was a few feet behind him, leaning against the wall with a cigarette in hand. He didn't seem quite as happy about it.
"So which one are you?" He grunted.
Izaya frowned. What's with that? He liked it better when Shizuo was standing there quietly, slowly choking on nasty tufts of smoke.
"Why are you so quick to assume I'm one of the two? That's insulting, you know."
Shizuo dropped his cigarette, grinding it into the concrete with the sole of his shoe. There was a dicey look in his eyes as he walked towards Izaya. "You know what I think?"
"I don't particularly care. Wasn't aware you thought at all, actually." Izaya jeered, standing up to face Shizuo. He settled his hands in the pockets of his fur-trimmed coat, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet smoothly.
"I think you're a flea-ridden bastard that loves to pretend. You're too damn scared to even face yourself, so you go around acting like an asshole trying to piss me off and shit the second we get personal, just like yesterday!"
"This again?" Izaya sighed. "You're like a child who can't let go of its candy."
Seriously, now. He adored flirting with danger, not being stuck at the very end of it. The brute should understand it was in Izaya's own right. This was just sex, after all. If he had to label it, perhaps enemies with benefits would suffice. It hadn't furthered their relationship, it wasn't intimate or romantic, and it especially didn't involve the calling of Shizuo's name or tender caresses.
It was just sex. That's all it was, and dwelling on it wasn't getting them anywhere.
Shizuo grinned all of a sudden, crazed and shark-like. Before Izaya could so much as blink, he slammed his fist just above his head, caving in the wall behind him. Izaya twitched involuntarily.
Well, that was unexpected. It shouldn't have been, really. All signs pointing to a potential violent course of action had been there. Strange.
He smirked weakly, fingering at the switch blade in his pocket. “What, are you trying to scare me now— ”
"You just don't wanna face it, right?" Shizuo's eyes were sharp. His voice was just a low murmur, but it was dangerous and rough all the same. "‘Cause you’re afraid it’ll fuck up your step. But if I do then you'll have to."
Izaya's face fell. The air tasted sour. "Disgusting."
"Shut up and listen to me."
"You really are disgusting. Why don't you go gush about your sweet little crush to your lovely brother instead?" Izaya replied coldly.
"Why should I?!"
"I’ve overestimated you. I should have known a lonely monster like you wouldn’t understand. It’s an illusion humans create for themselves to cope with reality—"
"You can't even say it out loud, can you—"
"—and it's pathetic, can't you see?" He recognized the hypocrisy in his own words, but it was a small sacrifice if he could shut down this annoying tirade.
"You don't know that!" Shizuo growled in frustration, slamming his fist against the now severely damaged wall again. "I—"
"Careful, Shizu-chan. Property damage is an expensive bill."
"Shut the fuck up! I'm trying to, you can't just keep running away from it! I tried that already. We both know this is—"
"Running away from what? This is over. You know that, right?" He smiled a little too sweetly. "So get off me, you ugly brute."
He leaned in. "Izaya, I—"
Izaya recoiled, working to remove himself from his hold. As expected, Shizuo was too strong. He grabbed him by the shoulders, shoving him up against the wall hard. His head bounced. It was enough to make him dizzy, and by the time he recovered he could only stare up menacingly into Shizuo's desperate, angry eyes and be forced to listen.
"I love you! For fuck's sake, you can't tell me that's not real...!"
Shizuo minded his strength, quickly softening his hold on Izaya after the outburst as if he'd just realized. His vulnerability finally gave him the opportunity to withdraw his switchblade and point it directly at his jugular. This was no good. He knew what his face looked like right now. Transparent, wild. Spilling forth anger and revulsion. His jaw clenched and his frame trembled in what could only be described as fear.
Fear.
Pure, unadulterated terror in response to the way Shizuo had so easily shoved through his rib cage time and time again, the way he had seized him by force and sewed strings within. Who gave him the right? Who gave Shizuo the fucking right to rip all control from his grasp, after so carefully cultivating it for years? Izaya never agreed to this, never allowed him to do so. The world had always played by his rules, and yet even when aware of this, Shizuo had defied them all.
And now, everything had been recklessly laid out in the open. Denial was no longer an option, and any other means of escape had abandoned Izaya. All because this brute suddenly felt the need to solidify the reality of it all. How? How did this happen? Izaya's foundation had been as easily shaken as any other humans in the end, and to top it all off, it only took three words. He was a puppet all along and he had never once noticed. He was no longer the user, but the used.
Oscar Wilde had once said, "People are either charming or tedious." Shizuo was neither. He was simply there. Always there ruining everything.
How rotten. How cruel. How interesting.
He wanted to throw up.
Shizuo tensed, but the brown eyes burning through Izaya's skin with hurt never wavered. Izaya applied pressure. His knife slowly broke open Shizuo's tan skin, displaying a rivulet of blood before him. Somehow, it didn't bring him the joy he thought it would. It only made the itching inside of him worse.
This was no good at all.
Izaya must be losing his mind. Yes, his head would be splitting in two at any moment now, he was sure of it!
The pain would be absolutely insatiable.
New. Addicting.
His shoulders shook as he withdrew his switchblade and slumped down against the wall.
"H-Hey..."
"Pfft—! Ha...haha....hahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Shizuo stood frozen in shock, staring. Knowing him, he was probably thinking something along the lines of: Fuck. Izaya's fucking crazy. It's a wonder why I have strong feelings for this idiot at all.
The thought only served to make Izaya laugh harder, uncaring of his bewilderment. He clutched his stomach in body shaking hysterics, weak in the knees and gasping for air. He laughed and laughed and laughed until he was red in the face, because if he didn't there would only be tears, and that was never really his thing.
No, cowards laughed.
Soon enough, laughter would give way to silence.
And in said silence, hiding the ruins of his smile within his palms, only a coward would say,
"You really shouldn't."