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Don’t you want to kill the fucker who did this?
Yeah. Yeah he does. But it’s … well, it’s kinda fuckin’ complicated now, isn’t it? With a sigh, Ed glances down at the fresh mound of dirt, swallowing thickly as his chest tightens all over again.
Just be Ed.
He’s fucking trying. He wants to be Ed; it’s all he’s wanted for ages. Stuff keeps getting in the way. Zheng Yi Sao, Pirate Queen, the badass that she is, is the newest bump in the road. Ed respects the fuck out of her, and she’s right - they would make a hell of a team.
Zheng Yi Sao wants Blackbeard, though. Just Blackbeard, probably. She doesn't know Ed.
Therein lies the problem.
She’s giving them a little time to decide, thanks to Stede politely fending her off. Uh, maybe give him a minute, he’d said as she started her sales pitch, so to speak. Ed had wanted to grab him and kiss him right then and there. He wants to grab and kiss him now. But Stede’s not here, he stayed back a ways as Ed stomped down the road towards the beach by himself.
The beach is where Ed sits down, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. There’s a warm breeze pushing his hair into his face, and Ed closes his eyes to bask in the sound of the waves lapping the shore, in the feeling of his now bare feet digging into the sand. Ed thinks he’s getting better at sitting with himself, and he’s trying to do that now, but fuck, his thoughts keep spiraling back to Izzy and Stede and fishing and Stede Stede Stede.
“Fuck.”
With a sigh, Ed opens his eyes and looks at where the Revenge is docked a little ways down the beach. From this distance the crew is barely visible, nothing more than tiny little dots moving across the deck. As he’s watching them, Ed hears the sound of uncertain footsteps approaching from behind. He tenses on instinct, twitching with the urge to move a hand to his belt to reach for a knife that isn’t there, but he relaxes immediately after and sighs through his nose as Stede steps into his periphery. Ed forces himself to look away from the Revenge, to stare back out at the ocean, waiting as Stede grunts and lowers himself to sit in the sand next to him.
Stede doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself, fidgeting as he attempts to find a comfortable position to sit in. Ed’s mouth twitches with the beginnings of a smile as Stede first tries to mirror him, before shaking his head and crossing his legs into a pretzel shape. His knee bumps Ed’s thigh, but that position doesn’t last either, as Stede huffs in irritation and uncurls his legs to stretch them out in front of him.
“There we go,” Stede mutters to himself. Ed loves him.
He can feel Stede’s eyes on him, but Ed keeps looking forward as he tries to sort through the clutter in his mind. Yeah, he wants to avenge Iz, but also … this place …
Ed feels the warm, comforting pressure of Stede’s shoulder pressing against his, and finally he tears his gaze away from the ocean to look at the man by his side.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Stede asks gently. His expression is soft, full of concern and curiosity, and Ed loves him.
“Mmm don’t think you could afford it, man,” he mumbles, arching an eyebrow slightly. “Thought you gave up your fortune.”
“Ah, well, yes. That I did.” Stede smiles in amusement and bumps his shoulder again. “Damn.”
Ed snorts and shakes his head, releasing his legs to stretch them out as well. He turns his body towards Stede slightly, and he puts an arm out to rest his hand on the ground to support his weight as he reaches out and cups Stede’s cheek with the other. Ed doesn’t know which one of them moves in first - if he pulls Stede in as his fingers curl behind Stede’s ear, or if Stede presses in before he can - but in a blink they’re kissing, and Ed’s heart is fucking soaring.
Stede hums against his lips and Ed wants to swallow the sound, to chase after another eagerly. He shivers as he feels Stede’s fingers brush against his in the sand. Their lips press together like they were meant to be here, like their mouths were made for one another, and shit, who’s to say they weren’t? They separate after a moment, and Ed admires the blissed out expression on Stede’s face that he’s had almost every time they’ve kissed now: eyes closed, lips parted, dreamy smile stretching his cheeks in the sweetest way.
Ed fucking loves him.
When Stede’s eyes finally open, his smile widens, and Ed presses their foreheads together. He strokes Stede’s cheek with his thumb. Ed bumps their noses together and tilts his head, rubbing the tip of his nose against the side of Stede’s.
“What about that?” Stede whispers. “Does a kiss earn me anything?”
“I reckon a kiss gets you a thought or two,” Ed says.
“Oh fab.”
Stede grins, and Ed rolls his eyes affectionately. He treats himself to another light kiss to the side of Stede’s mouth before pulling back to sit more comfortably. Their pinkies curl together in the sand and Ed looks back out at the water, admiring the way the sun lights up the waves, making them sparkle. He pulls in a slow breath and opens his mouth, but a spike of anxiety forces the words to lodge in his throat.
What if Stede rejects this? Ed knows now that he’ll fight for the man at his side to his dying breath. He’s worth coming back to time and time again. They love each other; he knows this wholly, without a doubt. But it’s hard to shake the long-lodged fear of being rejected again.
A love like ours can’t disappear in an instant. We’re joined to one another. Intertwined.
No, Ed has faith in Stede. He doesn’t doubt him, doesn’t doubt them. He’s sat with his thoughts, and he can express those thoughts. They’re not on the ship, but this is still a safe space. Stede can be his safe space.
“I meant what I said outside of Jackie’z.” Ed hears Stede suck in a breath and realizes quickly that he needs to clarify. “The … bit about not being a pirate, I mean. Not the rest, not really, the rest was …”
“Panic?” Stede whispers softly, his voice gentle with understanding. Ed sighs and nods.
“Yeah. Panic.”
Stede hums, and Ed watches out of the corner of his eye as Stede turns his head to look out at the ocean too.
“I threw away my leathers that morning.” In the whirlwind of everything, Ed realizes he never told Stede that. “Before bringing you breakfast. Dropped ‘em right into the ocean with a cannon ball, let ‘em sink.”
“I had no idea,” Stede whispers. “And yet here they are.”
“Yep. Dove back in for them when I saw the state of Zheng’s fleet in the harbor. Knew I’d need them one more time. Realized they were a part of me still. But Stede, I …” Ed chews on his bottom lip and shifts his hand, curling more of their fingers together as best he can while their hands continue to support their weight. “That hasn’t changed. For me. I don’t want to be a pirate anymore.”
“Retirement, then?” Stede asks.
Ed snorts. It feels like a fucking lifetime ago that Stede had first mentioned that word to him, and it had been such a bizarre suggestion it was almost laughable. But truthfully, it’s what Ed wants. It’s what he’s wanted for a while.
“Suppose so, yeah.”
The two of them are quiet for a moment, and Stede shifts closer until their shoulders and thighs are pressed flush against each other. His presence is a comfort, the spark of courage Ed had needed to fall about this.
“So, Zheng’s proposal then,” Stede prompts. “I thought you might need some time. I’m glad I deflected her a bit then.”
“I should say yes.” Ed sighs, closing his eyes and tipping his head back, basking in the breeze. “I know I should. Avenge Izzy and all that. Hunt down that fucker before he or any other naval assholes can get the drop on any of us ever again.”
“Yes, well, what do you want to do?” Ed opens his eyes and looks back over at Stede as he asks. “Never mind what you’re being asked to do or what anyone might be expecting of you. What do you want, Ed? What would make you happy?”
“You.” The answer is immediate, although incomplete. But it’s the truth of his heart, and Ed won’t miss a single chance to let it be known. Beside him, Stede huffs bashfully and glances down at his lap.
“Well that’s … lovely,” he mumbles, and it’s the cutest thing, and Ed loves him. “I feel the same. But Ed, what else?”
Ed knows he doesn’t want to be a pirate. He knows he can’t shake it as a fisherman. He stares into Stede’s gorgeous, color-shifting eyes, feeling a bit laid bare before he’s even said a word. And yeah, Stede makes him so fucking happy, and Ed feels like he can take on the entire world so long as Stede is by his side. Stede makes him feel alive, makes him feel whole, after so long of feeling listless and unmoored. But it’s not all about Stede, it never has been and never should be, so what else is there?
I actually thought about, uh, opening an inn.
Some of Ed’s time in the gravy basket is still a haze, but pieces have been coming back to him steadily ever since he woke back up, and this is one that’s stuck with him. He’s imagined all sorts of variations to that over his years; a restaurant, an inn, a pub, something that people look at and see a safe haven, somewhere to seek comfort for a little while.
“I, uh,” he starts, swallowing back the nerves and making himself just launch right fucking into it. “I sort of want to, you know, run an inn?”
Stede’s face lights up with recollection. “Oh, so when we told those children we weren’t pirates, and you said-“
“That we owned an inn? Yeah, yep. That.”
Ed fidgets slightly, but he feels an immense relief that it’s out there now.
“And you still want to do that with …” Stede asks slowly, his expression shifting into something apprehensive. “With me? Maybe?”
Ed’s cheeks are burning. He resists the urge to look back at the ocean, though, because it feels important that he say this without shying away from Stede’s gaze. Just like the last time they were on a beach, when Ed finally said those three simple, perfect words, he wants Stede to see all of him. He needs Stede to see all of him.
“Yeah, mate,” he says softly, tilting his head in to press their foreheads together again. “With you. But then you were recognized and being celebrated as a badass pirate, and I dunno, I just got scared to say anything. You were finally getting everything you’ve been gunning for, all that stuff that I don’t want anymore, and I just. I saw you slipping away from me. It was never about fishing.”
“I think,” Stede starts carefully, “that it was a little bit about fishing.”
Ed shrugs and pulls back. He gives Stede a tight, nervous smile. The smile he gets in return is so gentle it makes his chest ache.
“So, this place, then.” Stede gestures behind them, up the hill at the run-down, damaged shack. “Is this why you chose here to-“
“Maybe yeah.” And sure, okay, maybe Ed’s feeling a bit of panic again, the urge to ramble bubbling up inside him. “But I mean, I know we haven’t really talked about this yet and the ship is still right out there and, you know, it’s whatever-“
“Ed.” Stede says his name firmly, cutting him off with a gentle laugh. Ed presses his lips together firmly and takes in a breath. “Darling. I set out to sea looking for adventure. And yes, of course, I love many aspects of piracy, but I love it most when I’m with you. It’s only fun when we’re co-captains.”
Ed furrows his brow, trying to keep the frown off his face. He can’t breathe, and he tries to let Stede’s words sink in.
“But Stede, I don’t …” He pauses and sighs. “Where do we go from here, then?”
“I don’t believe we need to go anywhere.” Stede smiles. “I think we’re right where we need to be.”
Ed’s eyes widen as it sinks in exactly what Stede is telling him right now. He lifts his eyebrows and starts to smile.
“Really?” He still can’t help but ask, even as the burst of excitement is already starting to take over inside of him.
“Oh Ed, absolutely.” Stede sits up straighter and cups Ed’s cheek. Ed turns into Stede’s palm, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. “I’m all in. Whatever you want to do, I want to do. There is no adventure out there greater than one I can take with you.”
I was all in.
So much has changed since Ed had said those words to Stede at Anne and Mary’s, still guarding himself from a further broken heart, letting the anger of abandonment fuel him and attempt to push Stede away. But Stede hadn’t let him, meeting him at every turn with patience and honesty. And Ed had wanted to take it slow - he wasn’t so quick to let himself be put at risk of being hurt again - but the fast pace of their lives hadn’t really leant itself to that, but now that they’re on the other side of it all, Ed’s made peace with that.
He’s sat with his thoughts. He knows what he wants.
And Stede’s all in.
“And the crew?” He still makes himself ask. “Zheng?”
“Can look after the Revenge for us,” Stede says, rubbing the pads of his fingers back and forth against Ed’s short beard. It’s a soothing touch, almost pulling a groan from Ed. “They don’t really need us, do they? At least, maybe not in a Captain’s capacity. Could need us in other ways down the line.”
“You’re sure?” Ed asks. He doesn’t doubt Stede, he doesn’t, but he can’t help but give him one more chance to change his mind. Maybe it’s crazy of him, but the words are out before he can stop them.
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” Stede whispers. “If you want this, I want this. Everything is an adventure by your side, Ed.”
Biting back a sob of relief, Ed presses in to kiss Stede so fast he knocks them both over, causing Stede to hit the ground with a muffled grunt against his lips. Ed follows, covering Stede’s body with his own, both of them laughing as they grab at each other and exchange messy, uncoordinated kisses.
“We should go tell Zheng,” Ed says, even as he continues kissing Stede.
“You need to get off me for that,” Stede laughs against his mouth.
Well, Ed doesn’t want that. “Eh, maybe she’ll figure it out on her own when we don’t show.”
Stede laughs again and shoves his shoulder gently, nudging Ed until they finally stop kissing and start to pull apart and sit back up.
“Come on, you nut. We should get some personal effects and supplies off the ship anyway.”
Okay fine, Stede has a point there. Ed huffs anyway as he pulls back, before standing with a groan as his legs ache from where he’s been sitting for so long. He holds a hand out for Stede to take and helps him stand, tugging him close so their chests are pressed against each other as Stede finds his footing. He cups Stede’s face and kisses him sweetly, relishing in the feeling of Stede’s arms wrapping loosely around his waist and pulling him close. Then, they pull away, and Stede takes his hand and starts tugging him down the beach.
As they walk, Ed looks back at the grave, the hill, the shack. Their inn. It all fills him with a new, young hope. To close off the old chapter of his life, to embrace the death of Blackbeard; this decision feels like the fresh start Ed’s been looking for, with the perfect person at his side.
This decision paves the way for Ed’s life to begin again.