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Arthur has been training to be a knight since he first picked up a sword at the age of five.
In all his years, throughout all his tournaments and sparring sessions, Arthur has felt pain. He’s been stabbed, scrapped, punched, kicked, and killed within an inch of his life more than he should (Prince or not). Arthur has known just about every physical pain imaginable; he’s been poisoned, strung, drowned, and has a burn mark on his left hip from shoving Merlin out of the way of a sorceress.
But physical pain is something temporary. It comes, it goes. The scars are only brief reminders of sharp pains before blackness. Scars are reminders of strength and endurance. Scars remind him that he’s still alive despite all the odds being against him at times.
Mental pain is permanent. It comes, it stays. The scars are invisible to the human eye, but they’re there if you know where to look. The scars he traces over every night despite having no physical form to do so. The scars that are always fresh and new despite how old and faded they might be.
Arthur knows pain.
Arthur knows betrayal.
Not only did Morgana betray him, but so did Guinevere. His sister and his lover. But Mordred and Merlin, too. His knight and his best friend. And Uther and Giaus as well. His father and his father figure.
Everyone he knows has betrayed him at some point.
Morgana took over the kingdom and tried to kill him and his knights. Guinevere kissed Lancelot and only admitted it after Arthur found out. Mordred stabbed him because he was in love with Morgana. Merlin is a sorcerer. Uther lied about his mother. Gaius lied about everything.
It wasn’t until he was dying he realized just how badly those betrayals affected him.
Just how bad Merlin’s betrayal affected him.
***
Arthur hadn’t even opened his eyes or fully registered he was awake before pure pain engulfed his body. It surrounded him like a cage.
He tried to make a noise of protest but his throat was too dry to even attempt to.
Against his body’s judgment, he opened his eyes. He expected to wake up in the middle of the woods, not in his comfy bed. He couldn’t even tell he was in his bed because he was in so much pain. It even hurt to breathe.
His door opened and his eyes snapped to it. He was half expecting Merlin to be waltzing in acting casual and carrying a tray of food and was surprised that he felt disappointed when it wasn’t Merlin. But he was relieved at the sight of a familiar face nonetheless. Gaius.
He walked over to Arthur, carrying a bag. Usually Merlin carried it for him.
Arthur should be relieved Merlin wasn’t the first person he saw when he woke up. He should be happy that everything turned out okay. But he’s not.
Gaius drags a chair over from Arthur’s table and pulls it beside of him. He hasn’t seemed to register the fact Arthur was even awake. He sits down in the chair and reaches into his bag. When he straightens back out he finally realizes Arthur’s eyes are open.
“My lord!”
He tries to smile but his lips hurt to much to stretch into one so he hopes Gaius understands the look in his eyes. Thankfully, he does and offers a small smile. He reaches for Arthur’s nightstand and pours a glass of water.
“I’m sorry if this gets all over, sire, but it’s not safe to sit up just yet,” he says. Arthur manages to purse his lips with minimal pain and Gaius tips the cup back. The water does go all over the place, but Arthur swallows most of it. It’s refreshing how he suddenly feels like he can talk.
“Gaius,” he manages to croak out. It’s still extremely painful, but the relief that washes over the physician is worth it. “I just came to attend to your wound, Arthur. While . . . Merlin was able to . . . save you, I’m afraid it came with consequences,” he explains softly.
Arthur feels sick.
Merlin’s not here.
“Did he . . .”
Gaius looks up him, studying the guilt and fear drawn into the lines of Arthur’s face. “No,” he sighs, “But I’m afraid even if you are healed, your body must go through the pains of healing itself. They’re internal wounds I cannot heal. But they are not fatal.” “So . . . Merlin,” Arthur asks again. Gaius averts his gaze, “Rest, Arthur. You need it.”
He opens his mouth to protest but Gaius puts a hand up to stop him, “I will answer all your questions whenever you are able to walk on your own.” Arthur frowns. “Rest, Arthur,” he says again as if that’s not the only thing he’s been doing for who knows how long.
He wants to protest but his eyes fall heavy anyways.
Merlin plagues his dreams.
***
When Arthur wakes again, it’s a few days later (that’s what Gaius tells him anyways) and he’s actually able to sit up on his own. His throat is still a little dry, but he doesn’t let that stop him.
“Where’s Merlin, Gaius,” Arthur asks. “Your highness,” Gaius says sternly. Arthur grabs his wrist, “Where is he?”
Gaius sighs, “I do not know, Arthur.” Arthur feels sick again, “I’m gonna —“
Gaius leans him over the side of the bed and pulls the bucket towards him just in time for the contents to empty from Arthur’s stomach. Most of it was green considering the fact he hasn’t had a proper meal in almost two weeks. He dry heaves for a few moments before he shakes Gaius’ hand off his shoulder and rolls back onto his bed.
Gaius turns to his nightstand and grabs a cloth from his bag. He dips it in the bowl of water and turns back to wipe the excess off of his mouth. “Merlin,” he mumbles again. Gaius frowns, “I’m sorry sire. He stayed here long enough to make sure you’d be okay and then one morning he was just gone. All he left was a letter.”
“What did it say,” he asks, his voice strained once more. “I don’t know. It wasn’t addressed to me, sire. He left a letter to you,” he explains. Arthur swallows and closes his eyes, “I want to read it.” Gaius nods, “I’ll give it to you tomorrow when I come in. Please get some rest.”
“But —“
“Rest, Arthur. After that your body needs more rest,” he says. Arthur sighs and nods, falling back asleep rather quickly.
The next morning he woke up to something gently being placed on his chest. He fluttered his eyes open just in time to see Gaius leaving his chambers.
He looked down to see a piece of folded paper on his chest. He took a deep breath and unfolded it.
Arthur,
You always complained about me being a lousy servant, so I figured I’d do you the favor of quitting. I didn’t want to take the chance of sticking around and having to be fired, so I already found a replacement. He starts whenever you wake up. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I’m afraid it’s time for you to be a Royal arse on your own now.
Merlin
Arthur ignored how blurry his vision went and set the paper on his nightstand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Magic be damned. Merlin was not getting off that easy.
He tossed the blanket off his legs and ignored the pain that shot down his arm. His legs were extremely shaky when he stood up, but he ignored it and slowly made his way to his wardrobe. He dressed himself slow and easy with a little voice that sounded too much like Merlin say ‘I didn’t know you knew how to do that’.
Just as he put the letter back in his pocket the door opened again. “Sire,” Gaius asked. “I’m going after him,” he said, “Don’t try to stop me.” Gaius smiled softly and reached into his bag. He pulled out a few vials of liquid, “I wouldn’t dream of it. But take these. They will help with the pain.” Arthur stared at him for a long moment and slowly made his way towards him. “Thank you, Gaius,” he said, taking the vials from his hands and stuffing them in the bag he clumsily threw together.
“Tell Leon —“
Gaius held his hand up, “I will not be a messenger for you, sire.” Arthur raised an eyebrow. Gaius smiled and gestured outwards, “You really think the knights didn’t know the second you were able to stand for more than two seconds you'd go after him? I’ll escort you outside, sire.” Arthur, still confused, allows Gaius to walk with him outside.
At the bottom of the castle stairs stood his knights. Arthur blinked back the tears, refusing to cry. He finally felt like something had gone right. His knights were in full patrol gear, lined beside of their horses. Arthur’s horse was packed and ready.
Gaius helped him down the stairs.
Leon and Gwain met him at his horse. “Look who's finally awake,” Gwain cooed teasingly. “I see you got no less annoying while I was recovering,” Arthur mumbled, smiling, laying a firm hand on Gwain’s shoulder. “Of course not. Someone has to annoy you, right,” he smiles.
Arthur turns to Leon, “I wanted to talk to you. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone —“
Leon shakes his head, “With all due respect, your majesty, Merlin is my friend, too.” Arthur frowns, “I cannot leave the kingdom unprotected.” Leon frowns and looks back at Gaius, “You haven’t told him?” Arthur looks between the two of them, “Told me what? What is going on?” “Well, we all heard about Merlin, sire. He told us everything that happened,” Gwain said. “Everything,” Arthur whispered. Leon nodded stiffly, “Everything. He wanted us to know. Next thing we know he’s gone. And we all know how much Merlin means to you — we knew you’d want to go after him, so we’ve been tracking down leads.”
Arthurs heart swelled with hope, “And?” “And we don’t have much, but we know where to start,” Leon smiled. “But the kingdom needs to be under someone rule. If only for a short while,” he insists. “Well, who else but the person who ruled by your fathers side for decades,” Leon said. Arthur turned to Gaius, “What exactly has been going on?” Gaius sighs, “I tried to get Leon to step in during your leave of absence but he insisted I do it. And I am happy to report that Camelot has never been more at peace than it is now. Although, you’re people are eagerly awaiting your return.”
Arthur can’t quite process that Gaius has been running the kingdom, but he can’t complain since it’s not burnt to the ground. Gaius may have lied to him about everything but he also knows he’d never do anything to hurt Camelot and its people. He feels a little hurt Leon wouldn’t step up, but he also knows why he didn’t.
Arthur nods, “Then you will continue to do so till I return.” Gaius nods tightly, sensing Arthur’s uneasiness, “Of course, my lord.” Arthur turns back to Leon and Gwain, “Then let’s not waste anymore time. He’s been out there long enough.” Leon and Gwain smile at him and nod.
Getting on his horse is not as easy as he remembers and he has a weird urge to tell Merlin to shut up despite the fact he’s not here — Merlin’s would say something like ‘it’s all those feasts finally catching up to you’. They leave the city rather quickly because news of Arthur’s recovery will spread fast if they don’t and they’ll start to wonder why their King is not on his throne.
Once a safe distance from the city, they slow to a walk and Leon is beside of him. “Where are we heading first,” he asks. “The tavern you two met Gwain at said Merlin had been by about two weeks ago. He didn’t have much but the bartender did ask me to tell him she was single when we found him,” Leon says. Percy bursts out laughing behind them, “Merlin is a ladies man, isn’t he?”
Arthur doesn’t care what he is — a ladies-man or a sorcerer — he just wants Merlin home. He wants Merlin to be the one riding beside of him (despite Arthur telling him several times not to). He wants Merlin’s annoying input on everything.
He just wants Merlin.
Logically, Arthur knows that he should be appalled at such things. If Merlin wanted to leave — good riddance! He’s a sorcerer, Arthur should be happy he fled the kingdom. He should be happy he doesn’t have to watch his best friend get burned alive.
He shakes his head.
He doesn’t want to see Merlin hurt. Ever. In any way possible. He’s not doing all of this just to drag him back and kill him.
No.
He’s doing this because Merlin means everything to him. Despite his betrayal. He can’t seem to hate him for it.
He hated Morgana for her powers and her betrayal. But that was different, wasn’t it, he asks himself. Morgana didn’t care about who she hurt or why, she was just mad. Merlin protected Arthur, protected the whole of Camelot for years. Merlin was good. Merlin’s magic was good.
“Sire?”
Arthur turned to him, “Sorry . . . What did you say?” A look of pitty flashes over Leon’s face but it’s gone before Arthur can comment on it. “I was just saying how that area would be a good place to start. Despite leaving, I don't think he would’ve gone far. Arthur, he —“
“Loves you,” Gwain interrupts. Arthur’s face flushes immediately. “Gwain, shut up,” Percival and Elyan hissed. “What? We basically just survived the end of the world! I’m tired of keeping my mouth shut,” he argues back. Arthur groans into his hands. “Don’t be scared, Princess,” Gwain said, trotting his horse up beside of Arthur.
“Drop it, Gwain,” Leon said sternly. He groans but otherwise drops the subject.
***
When they make camp for the night, Arthur’s first instinct is to tell Merlin to start on dinner.
But he’s not there.
He huffs, annoyed, and practically rolls off his horse. He hits the ground a lot harder than he originally thinks and a sharp pain goes up his spine. He groans as white flashes behind his eyes and he collapses.
“Your majesty,” Leon shouts, rushing over to him, “Are you alright?” Arthur nods stiffly and points to his bag, “Gaius packed some stuff.” Leon shifts through it for a second before he pulls out a small vile. He tilts Arthur’s head back and he swallows the disgusting liquid.
The effect is almost instantaneous and it’s easier to breathe within a few seconds.
“I’m fine,” he huffs out, pulling himself up, “I’m fine.” Leon looks skeptical but he doesn’t say anything else and gets back to work — along with the rest of the knights. He takes a deep breath and unloads everything off his horse.
‘Congratulations, Arthur, you can do something on your own.’
He frowns. Did Merlin curse him before he left to constantly hear his nagging? Or did he just miss him?
Merlin wouldn’t curse him. He’s said he only uses his magic for Arthur — the thought still startles him; how Merlin devoted all his power to him and Camelot and he only ever thanked him once — and only tried to heal with it maybe twice. Merlin’s magic is good, he reminds himself, Merlin is good.
The fire is low and dull.
Arthur never realized just the impact Merlin had on such small parts of his life.
He’s poking the wood with a small stick, trying to get the flames higher, but it’s not working. The knights are gathered around the fire, munching on dried beef. Apparently no one can cook (and even though Gwain claims to be an expert in the kitchen Arthur doesn’t trust him around an open flame) so they’re all eating dried meat rations.
Light conversation is floating between his knights. It brings an odd sense of deja vu flooding back to him. Back when moments like this were only experienced before certain death.
He turns to his right, opening his mouth to tell Merlin how he feels but he’s not there. He frowns and turns back to poke more insistently at the fire.
“Is it obvious?”
The conversation stops abruptly between the knights and they all turn to look at him. “Is what obvious,” Elyan asks. Arthur glares at the fire. He doesn’t want to say it.
“About . . . Merlin. Was it obvious,” he asks through gritted teeth. The fire cracks in the silence that spreads. “Yeah,” Gwain says suddenly. The rest of the knights immediately fall in with similar answers.
Arthur frowns, “But he doesn’t . . .”
“He does,” Gwain says again, “I think he’s been in love with you long before I was in the picture. I’m gonna say the same about you. I think it was obvious you two were in love for years. I think everyone knew.” “But . . . I was with Guinevere,” he mumbles. “It’s okay to love two people at the same time, Arthur, as long as you only choose one. Guinevere chose Lancealot,” Leon says quietly.
Arthur grips the stick so hard it snaps.
“So you’re telling me I should choose Merlin,” he asks, finally looking up at his knights. Elyan frowns, “No one is telling you to pick Merlin. You don’t ever have to say anything if you don’t want to. But we know that either way, he means a lot to you.” “But if you were to, it wouldn’t be a bad thing,” Percy says. Arthur looks back down at the fire.
“But you know about his . . . his magic. Even after all that, I can’t hate him. I don’t even feel hurt anymore about him lying to me — not really. I’m more hurt he would leave without telling me. Is . . . Does that mean something is wrong with me,” he asks. He hates being vulnerable, but there is no one he trusts more than the people in front of him (and Merlin).
Gwain snorts but Leon kicks him in the chin; he hisses and throws his food at him.
“Arthur, what do you think about Merlin? And I say this as a friend, not as a knight,” Leon said. Arthur bit his inner cheek, contemplating.
He would never admit it, but Gwain was right. They had basically just survived the end of the world. He’s not going to keep hiding.
“Merlin . . . Merlin is one of the bravest people I know. He’s kind and caring and annoying, but not in a way that irritates me. He’s . . . He’s my best friend,” he whispers.
He remembers telling Merlin years ago that they could never be friends. But Merlin is his best friend.
“So does it really matter that he has magic,” Percy asks. “I . . . I guess not. He’s not just a sorcerer. He’s more than that,” he mumbles. They all smiled at him like they knew that. “Well then it explains why you can forgive him. Merlin’s pretty hard to hate,” Leon says.
“Yeah,” a soft smile tugs at Arthur’s lips, “He is.”
***
“Your majesty!”
All eyes in the tavern turned to him. He clears his throat and hold out his hand, “I just need to speak to whoever was here a few weeks ago.” Someone pokes their head up from behind the counter. “What do you need,” she asks. Arthur walks up to the counter, “I just have a question.” She pulls herself up and glares at him, “Are you gonna ask it?”
“Right,” he clears his throat, “I just need to know what you know about my uh . . . a man from the city? He’s about my height, black hair.” She raises an eyebrow, “Merlin?” Arthur can’t stop how wide his eyes went, “Yes. Do you know where he is?” She glares at him again and crosses her arms, “I have nothing to say.”
“I am your King,” he says. She shrugs, “He said he wanted nothing to do with his past, your majesty. You are part of that past. I’m only holding up my end of the deal — oh drat I wasn’t supposed to say that.” Arthur furrows his eyebrows together, “What deal?” She says nothing.
Arthur sighs and sits on the pulled out stool. “Look . . . I just want to make sure he’s okay. Please,” he whispers. Her gaze softens and she drops her arms, “Look . . . All I can tell you is he wanted a fresh start. He asked me not to say anything If the king came by.” “Please,” he says again, a little brokenly. She sighs and smiles, “He was heading west.”
“Cendrids Kingdom,” Arthur said, a feeling of dread closing over him like a tight jacket. She shrugs, “West.” “He’s going home,” he mumbles to himself. His gaze sharpens and he looks up at her, “I need to know exactly how long ago he was here.” “About eight days ago,” she says. He balls his hands into fists, “Thank you.” He turns around swiftly and exits the tavern, his knights right behind him.
Pain shoots down his spine but he ignores it and mounts his horse. “Sire? Where are we going,” Leon asks. Arthur points west, “Ealdor.” “Do you know how to get there,” Elian asks. He nods. He’s only been there once but he practically memorized the route. “It’s about a days ride from here,” he looks up to see the position of the sun, “We should cover as much ground before dark as we can.”
It’s like there’s a weird pull in his chest leading him in Merlin’s direction. It’s almost like he can feel him. And suddenly Ealdor is too far away.
He doesn’t stop until his horse collapses from exhaustion. He apologizes to his horse and his knights.
***
He didn’t sleep at all that night and had his knights back on the trail before dawn broke.
They managed to make it to Ealdor by noon.
Arthur’s off his horse (once again ignoring the pain that shoots down his body) and stumbles towards Merlin’s house before the other knights make it in the town.
He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. There’s a muffled conversation and Arthur’s feels his shoulders sag with relief at there being two voices.
Hunith opens the door a few seconds later, freezing when she sees who it is. “Your majesty,” she says quietly, tears filling her eyes, “And you brought your knights.” Arthur didn’t even notice they were behind him. “Hunith, please, is he here,” he asks, voice low. She nods stiffly and moves to the side to let him in, “Please don’t make me watch.” Arthur looks at her, confused before footsteps fade in and he rounds the corner.
Merlin freezes at the sight in front of him.
Arthur’s heart thuds a little faster in his chest. Merlin is okay. Merlin is safe.
Still, despite the fact he can see that the man is well, Arthurs heart doesn’t calm.
“Arthur,” Merlin squeaks out. His vision goes blurry and before he can second guess himself he takes hurried and determined strides towards Merlin. He manages to go more taut, opening his mouth to say something but Arthur doesn’t give him the chance. He opens his arms and wraps Merlin in them, pulling him to his chest and resting his forehead in the crook of Merlin’s neck. He closes his eyes and lets the tears finally fall.
Merlin relaxes in his hold and hesitantly wraps his arms around Arthur. “You’re okay,” he whispers. Arthur tightens his grip briefly before pulling away abruptly, grabbing Merlin by the shoulders and shaking him senseless, “Are you stupid? I’m not letting you get out of your duties that easily! I don’t give a damn what you are and I forbid you to quit!”
He hears snickers from his knights but ignores them.
Merlin wraps his hands around Arthur’s wrist and stills his movements, “You can’t forbid me from quitting, I already did.” Arthur glares at him, “I don’t care. It’s not happening. I’m not dealing with George for the rest of my life.” Merlin smiles and Arthur’s heart flutters. He’s missed that smile.
“Arthur, why are you really here,” Merlin asks, voice barely a whisper. “Because you saved my life,” he says, loud enough for everyone in the hut to hear, “You saved my life and I . . . You were gone before I ever even got the chance to thank you for that. Merlin, you can’t leave. Please.” Merlin frowns, “Arthur, as sweet as your near death experience has made you, I can’t keep doing this. Hiding my magic has become exhausting and I can’t go back to Camelot and continue to be something I’m not.”
Arthur shakes his head, “Then don’t. Come back to Camelot as a sourcer. I . . . I can’t do this without you. Please.” Merlin’s mouth goes agape, “Magic is illegal in Camelot. Or did you forget that?” Arthur shakes his head again, “I’ll make it legal. I’ll repeal the ban. Merlin, please.” Something like hope sparkles in Merlin’s eyes, “So you didn’t come all this way to kill me?”
Arthur drops his hands from Merlin’s shoulders but Merlin still has his wrists in his hands. He doesn’t mind. “That would be a waste of travel, wouldn’t it? To cross borders unannounced just to drag you back and kill you? Use your tiny brain, Merlin,” he says. “Cendred doesn’t know you’re here,” Merlin asks. “Well, I came for you, and you belong to Camelot, so I don’t see how it’s Cendreds business,” Arthur defends. Merlin smiles and pulls Arthur in for another hug. Arthur can’t bring himself to care. He’s holding Merlin, that’s all that matters.
After a few breaths, Gwain breaks the silence. “Okay, Princess, you’ve had your fun, I think it’s my turn for a hug,” he says. Arthur smiles and releases Merlin from his hold.
The knights crowd around him and Arthur backs up beside of Hunith to give them space.
“Thank you,” she whispers. He looks at her, “For what?” She turns to him and gives him a sad smile, “He told me everything that happened. But despite what he said, he was miserable without you. But he was scared to go back — not because you’d kill him; he was scared you’d forgive him.” Arthur’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Of course I forgive him. I don’t think I’d be here if I didn’t.” She nods and turns back to see her son smiling with his friends, “I know. But he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. He’s just really good at hiding it. Take him back home.”
“Ealdor is his home,” he says. She shakes her head, “It hasn’t been for a long time, you gave him a home in Camelot years ago, your majesty.” Arthur sucks in a sharp breath, “I’m happy you see it that way.” Her smile widens, “Anywhere with you is Merlin’s home, sire. And I couldn’t be more proud that he's happy. Just . . . make sure he is happy. Please.” He nods and turns back to look at them, “I will never let him feel an ounce of pain again. I swear it.”
Before Hunith can say anything else, Gwain is announcing, very loudly that they will all be more than happy to. Arthur sends an apologetic to Hunith and steps forward, “What are we agreeing to, Gwain?” “Dinner,” Percy says, “And I am famished.” “We ate on the way here,” he defended. “Merlin offered to cook. We can’t exactly turn down that feast, can we,” Elyan defends. Arthur sighs and smiles, “Alright. We can stay.”
***
The hut is crowded with so many people in it, but Arthur manages to sit down in the kitchen, away from everyone else. However, Merlin squeezes through the crowd and sits next to him anyways. Their knees are touching and Arthur finds himself leaning into Merlin’s space, resting his head on his shoulder. Merlin doesn’t seem to mind. Perhaps he thinks Arthur is just tired.
“I was serious,” he whispers. “I know,” Merlin mumbles back. “I’ll come back to Camelot. But if you don’t want to repeal the ban —“
“I want to,” Arthur interrupts, “I want you to be free and happy. I don’t want your magic to be a burden.” Merlin smiles softly. “Speaking of which,” he leans back and looks at him, “You showed me once . . . but I’d like to see it again, your magic. Now that I’m not half-dead and have processed everything, I think you deserve a better reaction than that one.” Merlin looks at him for a moment, “What would you like to see?” “The good in magic,” he whispers.
Merlin smiles and cups his hands together. He closes his eyes and whispers something. When he opens them again, Arthur watches his eyes flash gold and Merling uncups his hands. Small, glowing butterflies erupt from his palm and dance around the kitchen.
Arthur tentatively sticks his hand out and a red butterfly lands on his finger. Arthur brings his other hand up to gently stroke its wing. It flutters and then bursts into a small gold dust cloud. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean —“
“Arthur,” Merlin smiled, “It’s fine.” He looks around at all the other butterflies and smiles, “I wish this is what I had grown up with.” “Yes, well, your father had very strong views on magic,” Merlin said. Arthur hummed and turned back to look at him, “This is the kind of magic Camelot needs.” Merlin smiles again and cups his hands again. “Magic is beautiful, Arthur. I’m willing to teach you,” he uncups his hands and holds a little red rose between his fingers, sliding it behind Arthur’s ear, “if you’re willing to learn.”
“I am,” he says immediately. Merlin snorts, “Then there’s no time like the present, huh? I know you have questions — ask away.” Arthur squints ands nods, “Okay . . . how long have you been practicing it?” “I was born with it. I can’t really help it,” he says. “That can happen,” Arthur asks. “It’s incredibly rare, but yes,” he answers. “Does rare mean powerful,” Arthur asks again. Merlin nods, “Yes. Very, in my instance.”
“Gaius said people call you the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth,” Arthur mumbles. Merlin grimaces, “Yes, I do in fact hold that title with many people.” “Any other titles I should know about,” Arthur asks. Merlin hums, “Quite a few, actually. The druids call me Emrys. I am the last dragon lord alive —“
“I thought he died,” Arthur said. Merlin shakes his head, “No, he was my father and when one passes, the power gets transferred to the next of kin,” he says. “Balinor is your father,” Arthur asks. Merlin nods.
So that’s why he was so upset when he died. And Arthur had told him to suck it up.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “For what,” Merlin asks. “I told you . . .” He swallows harshly, not being able to finish the sentence. Merlin flicks his forehead, “I’m not mad at you, so there is no need to apologize for it. You had every reason to say what you did at the time.” Arthur frowns and looks at his hands, “Even after all I said to you . . . you still stuck by my side. Why?” Merlin lays his hands on top of Arthur’s, “No more lies.” Arthur shakes his head and looks up at him. Merlin smiles.
“That’s a good question. You’re a selfish, arrogant prat who’s head is too big for his own shirt —“
“Hey!”
He feels himself smiling. He would have rather been insulted for the rest of his life than live it without Merlin.
“ — but you’re also the kindest person I know. You have the biggest heart of any man I know. And despite me being nothing but a servant to you, you still went out of your way to save my life several times,” he finishes. “You’ve always been more than a servant to me,” Arthur says. Merlin’s breath hitches.
“That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud, isn’t it,” he asks. Merlin nods wordlessly. Arthur hums and twists his hands to intertwine their fingers, “But it’s true. And I’m done hiding it.” Silent tears fall from Merlin’s eyes. Arthur’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What’s wrong?” Merlin shakes his head and smiles, “You are such an arse.” Arthur smiles, “Merlin.”
Merlin shifts forward and rests his head in the crook of Arthur’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. Arthur can feel the tears soaking into his shirt and he gently squeezes Merlin’s hands, “For what?” “I never wanted to lie to you. I never wanted to leave. But I just . . . I thought . . .”
“I forgive you,” Arthur says softly, “I forgave you long before you left. You don’t have to hide anymore, Merlin. I will never let you feel like that again, I promise.” Merlin sniffles but doesn’t say anything else. Arthur lets hims cry silently into his embrace.
***
“I’m not walking back to Camelot,” Merlin huffs, crossing his arms. “Who said you were,” Arthur asks, mounting his horse. “Well I don’t exactly have a horse, do I,” Merlin says, gesturing to the rest of the knights on their horses. Arthur rolls his eyes and offers his hand, “Come on, Merlin.”
Merlin stares at the hand for a moment before he takes it and allows Arthur to pull him up. He winces and Merlin immediately cranes his neck back to look at him, “Are you okay? I can share with someone else.” “I’m fine. Just . . . a little sore. And you’re staying here,” Arthur says, handing Merlin the reins so he can wrap his arms around him.
Merlin frowns, “You’re completely healed, right?” “No,” Gwain shouts from behind them. “Arthur,” Merlin scolds. “It’s Gwain. No one ever listens to Gwain,” he defends. Merlin turns to look at Leon. The knight sighs and shakes his head. “You’re an idiot,” Merlin sighs, nudging the horse to start moving. “I am your king,” Arthur defends. “You are my idiot king,” Merlin corrects.
Arthur hums and rests his chin in the crook of Merlin neck, letting his eyes flutter shut, “Good enough for me.”
After a few minutes of silence and soft breathing, Merlin can tell Arthur’s fallen asleep.
“When was the last time he slept,” he asks. “He hasn’t had a good night's sleep in days,” Percy says. Merlin frowns, “How healed is he?” “We’re not sure, really,” Leon replied, “All we know is the second he could walk he was leaving.” “That’s not healed at all,” he bites back his urge to yell. “Yeah, well, you would’ve done the same thing,” Gwain said.
Merlin bites his lip. He would have.
He gently lays his hand atop Arthur’s and relaxes back into his hold.
***
Merlin nudges Arthur awake before they enter their kingdom's borders. Arthur doesn’t remove his hands like Merlin expected him to but he does sit up straighter.
His people line the streets, staring at their healthy king in awe. Arthur smiles and speaks to some of his people, but rushes back to the castle as soon as the crowd thins out.
Gaius is waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Merlin slides off the horse and rushes over to him, pulling the old man into his arms. Arthur smiles at the sight and slowly eases himself off the horse. He lands on his foot wrong and goes falling backwards.
“Arthur!”
“Your highness!”
Merlin is by his side first, pulling him up into a sitting position, “You’re an idiot! If you can’t even get off a horse without injuring yourself, you were not fit to —“
He cuts himself off with a groan and hauls Arthur up, throwing his arm around his neck, “Incompetent.” “I am your king,” Arthur mumbles. “You can threaten me again when you can stand on your own. I’m getting you back to bed,” he argues. He turns back to the knights, “Feel free to annoy him as frequently as possible but I have to get him back to bed.” “I’m taking full advantage of that,” Gwain shouts. “I’m expecting you to,” Merlin smiles.
It’s silent all the way back to Arthur’s chambers.
Once Arthur is back in his bed and under the covers, Merlin turns to leave but Arthur grabs his wrist to stop him, “Where are you going?” “I was going to fetch you a bath because you need one,” Merlin said, scrunching his nose. Arthur rolled his eyes, “Bath after a nap.” “You just spent all day drooling on me,” Merlin said, smiling softly. “And now I’ll spend the rest of my night drooling on you,” he said, gently tugging at Merlin’s wrist.
“What?”
Arthur lifted the covers, “Come here.” “Are you sure? You’re sleep deprived and not healed all the way,” Merlin argued. “And you’ll help with both of those. Come on, I’m getting cold,” he mumbled. Merlin sighed and removed Arthur’s hand from his wrist, ignoring the frown. “Let me take off my boots,” he huffed. Arthur hummed.
The second Merlin laid down, Arthur’s arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close, resting his head against Merlin’s heartbeat. “We need to talk,” he mumbled against his chest. Merlin tensed. Arthur shook his head, “No, no, we'll sort the legal stuff out later. I want to talk about us.” Merlin swallowed harshly and tentatively wrapped his arms around Arthur, “Us?”
Arthur nodded, “I . . . I need to tell you that if you ever do that again I will hunt you down and throw in the stocks for a month or two. You scared the hell out of me, Merlin. And I . . . I get why you did it, but that doesn’t mean I agree with it. I just . . . This whole thing made me realize that you couldn’t trust me.”
“Arthur —“
“Let me finish, please.”
Merlin nodded stiffly.
“And I don’t ever want you to think that. I would do anything for you. Ask for anything and I will do my best to try. All I ask in return is that you talk to me. Please, Merlin. Even if it’s just to complain about how horrible I am. I want your opinions. I value them much more than most people on my court,” he said.
“Arthur,” Merlin whispered, gently sliding one of his hands up Arthur’s side and cupping his cheek, tilting his head up so their eyes were locked. “I do trust you. I trust you more than I trust myself half the time. You have done nothing to make me doubt that for even a second. I would give my life for you in a heartbeat if you asked —“
Arthur shook his head rapidly, “Don’t. Please.”
Merlin smiled, “But I know you won’t. You never have. Even though I am below you. I wanted to tell you about my magic so many times but I was just . . . You’re loyal to your father and grew up thinking magic was evil. I didn’t want to put the burden of hiding my secret on your shoulders, too.”
“I would’ve rather done that,” Arthur mumbles. Merlin smiles, “I know. But I had a choice to not say anything. This is not your fault.” Arthur shook his head, “No. But . . . There’s something else I need you to know.”
Because the end of the world is over and I’m done hiding.
“I . . . Merlin, I love you. And I have since you first insulted me in front of my knights. You’ve made me a better person and a great king. Honestly . . . Without you I don’t know where I would be right now. Probably dead,” Merlin snorted but Arthur could see the tears in his eyes and his huge smile, so he carried on, “And if you don’t feel the same way, I understand, but I need you to know. I need you to know why I went looking for you — why I refuse to ever let you go again.”
Merlin’s smile widens, “Shut up.” “Did you just tell me to shut up,” Arthur asks. “Yeah, I did. Felt good. Now come here,” he mumbled, dragging Arthur up to connect their lips in a kiss.
“Gods I love you so much,” Merlin whispered.
Arthur smiled, “Shut up, Merlin.”
“Gladly, sire.”
He pulled Arthur down and kissed him again.