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It was the middle of a sunny afternoon, when Xiao entered the hospital, with a bouquet of white cecilia's.
The walls were a dull white, making the place equally more cold and look noticeably wider then they actually were, with the doors being colored white, while nurse's and patients alike kept passing him by, as he slowly walked.
He felt anxious, nervous, even. Like there was a spider crawling up his spine slowly, oh so slowly, and all he could do was freeze in place, but that wasn't he case.
He kept his footsteps balanced, firm, but also not too loud, so that he wouldn't disturb anybody with his presence.
He kept passing by different rooms, some small enough that there wasn't a window needed, but there were a few large enough for him to notice what was happening.
He saw a mother, carrying what seemed to be her baby, wrapped in white silk, as she cried happy tears of joy, being too fragile to hold the child properly, and needing the support of what seemed to be her husband, as they shared a conversation through warbled laughs and whispers.
He moved on to find a young teenager in a wheelchair, patiently waiting for someone as he looked around the hallway they were currently in, his hands twitching as he adjusted his glasses, before perking up slowly when noticing another teenage boy, walking up to him with an envelope and a smile so bright, happily explaining the news of him finally being able to go out, and as Xiao moved on, he briefly saw the two get inches closer to each other, apparently sharing an intimate moment.
He passed by what looked to be a training room, with a little blonde girl in aqua robes, holding onto two metal poles, as she tried to move in between the two of them, with a more filled out man encouraging her, dressed in casual clothes and a similar blonde patch of hair and beard, clapping in excitement, and scooping her up gleefully when she made it to the end.
And finally, he walked by two nurses, most likely on break as they held hands in the corner, softly smiling at eachother, yet still looking warily around, before one of them spotted him, as he cautious smile slowly melted away into a soft smile.
"Hello. Here for the same person?"
It took him a second to realize that she was talking to him, but once he did, he wasted no time in replying.
"Yes. Is he busy at the moment?"
"...No, I don't think so. He's still in room 403, if that's what you're wondering."
"Alright, Thank you."
"No problem."
The atmosphere felt thick as they parted without even a single goodbye, as kept on walking, briefly clutching the bouquet tightly to his chest, before slacking it considerably when he finally reached the place he was searching for.
The door looked the same as any of the other ones, the only difference being the nameplates, all of them holding a different number.
As usual, the door made a soft clicking noise at it opened, before he closed it a little bit more forcefully, wanting to announce his presence to the sole occupant of said room.
His effort having been in succession, the person on the only hospital bed in the room jumps up considerably, before turning to Xiao, or more specifically, where the sound had come from.
"Who is it?" The boy asks, arching an eyebrow as he folds his hands on his lap.
"It's me, Venti." He responds, after a stilted minute of trying to compose himself, keep his voice stable and his tone firm.
He didn't need to school his face, or put on a fake smile, considering that Venti wouldn't be able to see that, even if he wanted to, Xiao notes, bitterly.
He looks back at the hollowed out irises of Venti's eyes, a pure white covering it fully, instead of the immaculate turquoise that he would've otherwise gotten lost in for hours on end, forgetting day between as he just stared, and stared, and stared.
Stared at irises he could've imagined as the sky, stare at the irises he could've imagined as the sea, but now, he just continued to stare back at the dulled out irises that he used to love so much.
"Ah, Love! Come on! Sit already!" Venti exclaimed, his smile almost blinding as patted the spot next to him, waving a hand to grab his already focused attention.
He obediently took the seat that was placed near the bed during his last visit, the rickety chair making his back stiff after hours of sitting on it daily, but he never complained about it when Venti was within earshot.
They shared a silent moment of comfortable silence, having already come to the point in their relationship where nobody needed to say a word, and they'd still be able to make their messages clear as day.
"How've you been?"
"Fine."
Absolutely miserable. I miss you so much, miss the way you would take up half of the bed back home, miss the way you'd wake up with a loud yawn and a rumble, before eating everything on your plate that I cooked you, missed the way you would come back home with a new inspiration or story to tell as you ramble about it to me in your excited way, I missed the night's where we'd stay up awake, sharing a bottle and passing it back and forth as we told each other stories, which would always eventually devolve into just us complimenting one another. I miss you, Venti.
"Good, that's good."
No, it isn't, and you know it Venti. Xiao xcouldn't help but think, as he grit his teeth and curled around himself just a little bit tighter. You're always I'm a hospital bed now, you're constantly alone almost every second of the day, with nothing there to entertain you or keep you company that you treasure so much. Nobody even bothers visiting you besides me, and it hurts, knowing that you're all alone here, with nobody here that you can recognize or talk to, nobody you can trust or feel even somewhat familiar with. It hurts knowing the only reason you're here, in such a vulnerable position is because of me. It's all because of me. Yet on the outside, Xiao just let out an absent hum of agreement, as he looked down at the white floor tiles, trying not to bawl his eyes out on the spot. Seriously, he was getting fucking sick of the colour white, as it filled him with such a feeling devoid of anything, just filled with an absent emptiness, eating him from the inside out.
"Anything else?"
Besides the fact that you're not with me, and sitting here, dwelling on every single thought without so much as a second opinion, with nothing else but your imagination to keep you from going crazy? I wonder.
"No, Everything's fine."
Except it's not, and you know it isn't, you just know that if we discussed this for longer then necessary, that it would start getting out of hand, with screaming and arguments and crying, which was the entire reason that this ever happened to you in the first place. You know so much, and you know you should say something, but you don't.
"What about everyone else? Your parents? Our friends? Everybody?"
They're all unjustifiable assholes, who refuse to look you in the eye for no reason at all, not even making up an excuse, as they continue on about their days, like nothings ever happened. You worry about them so much, help them and love them endlessly, and in the end, they don't even bother to try and come to meet you, talk to you, make you feel a little less lonely in this desolate emptiness, constantly stuck to this hospital bed.
"They're all fine."
Unlike you, Venti. He can't help but think, as he gently grabs one of his partner's hands, softly circling his thumb around the skin, and answering his questions. They're all in so much of a better state then you've ever been in at the moment, even me, I'm fine, while you have to suffer the consequences of my irresponsibility and drunk shenanigans.
"Great, tell them I said Hi, and that they should come visit sometime!"
But it isn't fine. It's not fine at all, and you're well aware of that fact. You have to fucking ask for them to visit you, since they refuse to do so. It's sickening, It's unfair, and it would never come down to this if you never protected me.
Apparently knowing the direction of the conversation, Venti frowns, as he gently cranes his head forward, those blank eyes gazing back at him without a sign of emotion in them.
Before smiling a gently, his face wrinkling slightly as he looks back at Xiao with such an amount of elegance that it was almost strikingly beautiful.
"It isn't your fault."
Except it was. And it still is. It always has been, and it always will be, you're in this mess all because you wanted to help me, save me, protect me. And I don't know what I did to deserve any of that, but I can't handle it when I look at you, seeing you waste away your youthful days all by yourself, sacrificing so much, just for me.
"But-"
"It. Isn't. Your. Fault." His boyfriend had repeated, almost shuffling out of the bed, and getting dangerously close to he edge of it.
"Venti, please, just-"
"I won't be doing anything until you admit to yourself that it isn't your fault, Xiao. I know that's what you're thinking right now."
"Because it's true!" He snapped, shouting out, as it echoed and bounced off the white walls. "You've done so much, and you suffer so much because of it, I feel like I'm responsible for it all, because now you can't even see, Venti! For the love of God, you can't see! You won't be able to see your friends, you won't be able to see sunny days or sunset evening, or rising dawns, you won't be able to write anything without assistance! You... You won't even be able to seem me anymore! And it's all because of me."
It's the soft snickering that bring shim back from his rant, as he stares back at his lover, tears pooling at the brim of his eyes, not knowing what to say further, as he just glares at Venti questioningly, awaiting a response, as the chuckling dies down.
And Venti's staring back at him, and holding both of his hands now, warming them both up considerably, as he grins lop-sidedly, as the sun pouring from the windows outside brighten up the edges of Venti's body, the light displaying a sort of halo cast above Venti's head.
"Liebchen, I don't need my eyes to see that you're the most beautiful person I'll ever meet in my life, and God, I'd do all of this a thousand times over and over again, just to see you okay and happy. You deserve the world, Xiao. And I'll do my best to give you whatever fraction I'm able to get, and give it to you, without a moment' hesitation." And how could he not start bursting out In tears at that sentiment? How could he not just... fall in love with Venti even more after that?
And in the end, how could he not just loop his arms around Venti's shoulders, and kiss him as much as he can?
If Venti's surprised by this notion, he doesn't show it, as he simply kisses him back, not caring at the prospect of salty tears filling his mouth, or the fact that Xiao was practically shaking out of his skin.
But it felt so warm, so warm. And he wants to stay rooted in place forever, as he wants to savor the taste of Venti's lips for eternity, never wanting to leave his side, the prospect of leaving Venti again feeling awful.
And they're parting too soon for Xiao's liking, too soon to count for something, anything, too soon to call it a day.
But he can't bring himself to say anything, choosing to stay silent, (even if his sniffling fills the room's silence almost every second.)
"I love you, Xiao."
"I love you too, I love you too so God damn much, Venti, I could never explain it, even if I had all the time in the world."
"Well, I don't see a better time to start then now, right?"
"Ugh, you're horrid, is what's right. Lay off the blind jokes."
"I see no reason to stop now, Liebchen."
And really, there should've been a more effective way of making Venti quiet down, but he just decides to kiss him again, hoping that his lover will be too red in the face to make horrible jokes, for the time being, now that Xiao knew he was staying here for much longer then usual.