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“My nose itches.” Ren says to the paramedic, but she ignores him. He is strapped down, all four limbs constrained by nylon. Pathetically, he attempts to brush his nose against his shoulder.
Ren had a particularly severe panic attack in the attic. This led to Sojiro admitting him to the hospital, and the doctors deemed him a danger to himself. A bunch of bullshit, he thinks. Now, he’s on the way to the psychiatric hospital, stuck inside an ambulance where the paramedic couldn’t give a single fuck about him.
“Throw a guy a bone.” he mutters. With nothing else to do, he draws his attention back to the vehicle’s tiny window. After an hour or two of watching the tops of passing buildings through it, they finally arrive.
Wheeling him in, the paramedics say nothing, their faces blank. The head nurse comes to greet Ren, and show him to his room. He has Ren strip down naked in front of him. After inspecting him, he hands Ren a hospital gown, underwear made out of mesh, and grippy socks.
Ren hurriedly gets dressed, feeling violated. The head nurse smiles insincerely at him, and asks him to follow along. Taking him to a private room with a woman sitting in it, the head nurse ushers him inside.
“Hello Amamiya. I’m Ms. Rumi. I'm going to ask you a few questions.”
After gaping at her for a few seconds in disbelief, Ren collects his thoughts. “That’s fine.” He answers.
Tapping her pen on the clipboard, she asks her first question.
“Why were you brought here?”
“I'm here because the hospital thought I was a danger to myself.”
“Okay, and why were you at the hospital?” She asks calmly.
“My da- guardian brought me there after a panic attack.” He tries to force down the sinking feeling of deja-vu this questioning is giving him.
As she continues asking him questions about why he was there, and if he was feeling any better, the night goes on.
After a while, he's back in his room, turning the lights off. Ren heads to bed, facing the wall. Pulling the blanket over him, he stifles the urge to let loose a few tears.
He hears the door open and close, footsteps leading up to the bed next to his. He turns over to see a silhouette sit down on the opposing bed. His roommate, he assumes. The silhouette makes themselves comfortable, and after a while, Ren can hear faint snoring. Before he knows it, he drifts off.
When Ren’s forced awake, sunlight’s barely visible through the frosted glass. It’s far too early to be up. It's not as if he got much sleep either, the staff members routinely kept barging into the room throughout the whole night. He looks across the room, the other bed was neatly made. Ren doesn’t dare to think how long ago his roommate got up.
Groggily, he rubs his eyes as he heads to the food hall for breakfast. When he gets to the food hall, amongst a sea of faces, he sees a very familiar one picking apart his food. Suddenly, Ren’s fully awake.
“Akechi?”
Akechi looks up, sees Ren, and his eyes widen. He stays still, and so does Ren. They both stare at each other, frozen. After what feels like an hour, a few tears slip from Ren’s eyes. How is it possible that Akechi’s here? He’s supposed to be dead. Taking tentative, slow steps, Ren walks up to Akechi. Tears still brimming, Ren places a hesitant hand on Akechi’s shoulder, and flinches back when he feels solid.
“I’m real, Amamiya.” Akechi finally says, voice lowered.
Ren collapses on the empty seat next to Akechi.
“And you never told me you were alive?”
“Kind of hard when I'm here.” He hisses out
Ren ignores him. “I missed you.” his voice cracks, and the girls across from them stare and whisper.
Akechi’s eyes briefly dart to them, but he remains silent.
A minute passes.
Akech sighs, “I don't know what you want me to say.” Giving Ren no time to respond, Akechi abruptly stands up, with the chair scraping against the floor behind him. Grabbing his tray, he walks off.
Ren’s mind is buzzing with questions. How did Akechi end up in a psych ward, anyways? Deciding he won’t waste this chance, he gets up and follows. Akechi hears footsteps approaching from behind, and groans.
“What do you want now?”
“To know how you're alive.” Ren stands by Akechi’s side. Akechi studies his face, settles on an annoyingly brief “I don't know,” turns on his heels, and walks off.
Resigned, Ren trudges towards his room. He shouldn’t have expected to get a straightforward answer from him.
Upon entering, he sees Akechi on the previously empty bed. Akechi looks up from his book, his neutral expression quickly replaced with a horrified one, before being replaced again with a look of general annoyance.
He looks up at the ceiling, silently cursing out whichever god or higher power is responsible for this this time, “You're my roommate.”
“Is that really a problem?” Ren says, more of a challenge than a question.
“Yes.”
Ren doesn't reply, opting to go sit on his own bed. They both stay like that for a while, in a silence too long to be comfortable.
Eventually, Akechi decides to break it. “Why are you here?” he asks Ren.
“I'm here to visit you.” Ren deadpans.
“...”
“Okay. fine. I had a bit of a panic attack. Didn't think I was able to go back to my old life. Without the cafe, without the phantom thieves, and without you.”
“So you regret it, not taking his offer.” Akechi deflects.
“What? No. Maruki’s offer has nothing to do with this.”
“Bullshit. I remember how you were then. It was a simple decision. You wanted that reality gone, you knew I wanted that reality gone. And yet, you hesitated. Why.”
“You won't like what I'm about to say.” Ren warns.
“Let me guess,” Akechi begins, with a sharpness in his tone Ren hasn’t heard since February
“You just couldn’t bear how you, Amamiya Ren, now two-time savior of mankind, couldn’t help Akechi Goro, the pathetic little victim to the adults around him. You couldn’t stand to have my blood staining your consciousness, it was just too much!”
His hands are shaking with rage, clenching the bedsheets. “I don’t know how to make it more clear to you. I’m not free of blame, I’m no charity case that needs your pit-”
“No.” Ren interrupts. He starts twirling his hair, a nervous tic he’s had since he was a kid. “Like I said earlier, I missed you.”
“I..” Of course he would. “Of course you would, you’d grow fond of anybody who breathes near you.”
“No, I don't think you get what I'm saying. I care about you. Deeply. Like.” He tries to shut up, he really does.
“I love you.” He blurts out.
Oh. Oh. Akechi’s stunned. He stands up, staying still for a passing moment. He then robotically walks towards the door, opens it, walks through, and closes it gently.
Ren is left sitting there yet again. He can't say he didn't expect this from Akechi.
In the sunroom, Akechi's pacing back and forth. He's stuck in between panicking and just being apathetic to the whole situation. The room’s empty aside from a few concrete benches and a singular mocking potted plant. The potted plant stares at Akechi with its lush green leaves and he doesn't like it. Sitting down next to the potted plant, he snatches off a taunting leaf. Ripping the leaf slowly from the base of the stem outwards, he attempts to assess the situation.
Amamiya can’t love him. That much was clear. Nobody would ever want him to stay around for long. Amamiya is his rival, his equal. He may say otherwise, but Akechi knows he’s no fool. He isn’t one to lie over something like this, either. He has to realize his feelings are misguided. But, he isn’t one to confuse feelings. So that means…
He can't change the way Amamiya feels about him. Sighing, he rips up the last of the leaf’s fibers from its stem. He stands up. He's going to talk to the therapist. She'll tell him what to do, right?
Back in their shared room, Ren hasn’t moved much since Akechi stormed out. He should’ve at least thought through what he was saying, so why didn’t he? Was it impatience? Desperation? A fear that if he didn’t say anything now, this third chance would be ripped away before he could?
Maybe. But it’s futile now. He said what he said. No take backs. The most he can do is wait for Akechi’s response. If Ren read him right, Akechi has feelings for him too. The question is if Akechi realizes it.
In the therapist’s office, Akechi and Ms. Rumi are talking.
“So what makes you want to reject him?” She asks.
“We have a long and profound history. None of which is good, mind you.”
“And he confessed, despite both of your history. Why else do you want to reject him?”
“I don't have any other reasons.” He mutters.
“I should rephrase. How do you feel about him?”
“I despise him. He’s my rival, but somehow he's better than me in everything. And yet I refuse to lose to him, it’s infuriating.”
She writes down a quick note on her clipboard.
“Don't write that down.”
She ignores him.
“Have you compared him to other people you hate? A relative, perhaps? Not that all hatred is synonymous, of course. But perhaps there's… Something different about him.”
“I’ve never…” damn her, perhaps he really is easier to read than he’d thought. He takes a deep breath to reorganize his thoughts. “I’ve despised many people in my life, and yet he’s unlike any of them.”
“Yes, and how is he different?” she urges.
“He doesn’t treat everybody around him like shit.” Perhaps that’s a bit too honest. As perceptive as she is, hopefully she doesn’t read too much into that.
“How does that make you feel?”
“That this hatred.. jealousy.. whatever you want to call it. It’s exclusive to him. I’ve never met anybody like him before.”
“And this hatred, are you sure it’s that?” Ms. Rumi asks.
“I- What else would it be? The way things turned out last year, he was- we were in each other’s way.”
She scribbles on her clipboard yet again.
“You're sure it's not misguided affection?”
His eyes shoot up to meet hers, “Affection?! Him? After everything I told you, that’s what you came up with?!” He sputters, willfully ignoring how warm the room got.
“Just think about it, okay? I think it's time we wrap this up. I have another patient waiting for me.” Ms. Rumi says with finality.
Akechi mumbles something in agreement, and silently curses the universe and it’s seemingly endless supply of therapists hellbent on insisting there’s something with him and Amamiya.
For the next few days, Akechi avoids Ren. Ren gives him his space when they're alone together, making sure to avoid getting in his way.
Having had enough, Ren approaches Akechi in their room when he's about to go to bed.
“I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I can ask for a roommate switch if that’ll make your stay here a little easier.” Ren says, fidgeting with his hair.
For a brief moment, Akechi’s shoulders tensed before he willed them to relax.
“Don’t bother, adjusting to a new roommate would just be more of a hassle.” his voice is a tad less sharp than usual.
“And they probably wouldn't approve it anyways…” Ren trails off.
Akechi audibly sighs from the other side of the room, “What’s your goal here, Amamiya?”
“I don't want our friendship to go to ruins just because I confessed to you.”
“I don’t understand how you can call it that, a friendship.” He admits. “You’ve managed to surround yourself with generally good people, so tell me Amamiya,” Akechi forcefully sets something down on his nightstand. “Why are you so determined to make me an exception?”
“I think you're a good person. You've just done some bad things.”
“Fucking hell.” Akechi mutters under his breath. “Was deluding yourself into believing I’m a ‘good’ person the only way you could tolerate me? After everything, I was certain you weren’t the kind to deny the truth.”
Ren’s silent for a few moments.
“You didn't believe us in the engine room, did you? It's not solely a me thing. The rest of the phantom thieves think the same as I do. You're so resistant to the fact that you may not be as horrible as you seem.” He finally says.
“And you say they all think that? Have you forgotten who exactly is in your group?”
“Not at all. I've talked to Futaba and Haru. They don't forgive you, but they sympathize with you.”
“I-“ Akechi’s running out of arguments, he knows he is. They’ve talked about that last point back in January but, he’d rather argue in circles than say something he’d later regret. “..Why are you like this?”
“What?” Ren asks.
“Just-“ Akechi sits on his bed, “Why are you so determined to have me in your life?”
“You're my friend, Akechi.”
“But why!? You have nothing left to gain from me.”
“Friendships aren't transactional. I don't need to gain anything by being your friend.”
He hates Amamiya. He hates how those words make his heart soar. He hates how his therapist’s words keep echoing in the back of his mind. He hates that she has a point. He hates that he doesn’t hate Amamiya.
“I do treasure you as a friend. I don't want to lose what we have, and I’m sorry my confession has put us at risk of that.” Ren continues.
After a silence that felt like it went on forever, Akechi finally responds.
“Amamiya,” he starts slowly, “I’ve expressed before that you’ve been the closest thing I’ve had to a friend. Along the way, and I’m still not sure how or why, but you did. Become a friend, I mean.”
Akechi pauses, mulling over his next few words.
“And after everything, you’re still insistent I'm that to you. If all that wasn’t enough to keep you away, I doubt there’s anything that can.”
“Thank you. I didn't think…” Ren trails off.
Whatever strength that Akechi had to say all of that vanished the moment he was finished. All he can really do now is look at the other.
“I'm gonna go to the bathroom.” Ren says, his voice strained.
As Ren goes to the bathroom, Akechi's left waiting there, wondering what to do next.
As he comes back from the bathroom, he lingers at Akechi’s bed for a brief second. Then, after some deliberation, Akechi hesitantly pats the spot next to him. Ren sits down tentatively, glancing in Akechi’s direction. He places his hands on his sides.
Akechi’s hand timidly creeps up to Ren’s. Fingers weaving through fingers, Akechi coughs into his other hand. Ren stares at Akechi, who is looking sternly at the floor beneath them. And at the same time, his face and the tips of his ears are flushed red. Ren’s heart squeezes, God he’s adorable.
Finally, Akechi looks up at Ren, his blush deepening. His eyes briefly flicker to Ren’s lips. Ren can't help but to give him a crooked smile, and leans in. Akechi uses his free hand to cup the side of Ren’s face, and kisses him.
Breaking away, Ren murmurs, “I love you.”
“And I suppose you're tolerable.” Akechi says with nothing but fondness in his tone, and a genuine smile on his face.