Chapter Text
Amidst the deafening music and the intoxicating scent of alcohol, David found himself standing in the middle of a stranger's kitchen, overwhelmed at a party that catered to the graduating seniors. In the chaos of it all, he momentarily forgot that he, too, was a senior, embarking on his final year of high school.
From a distance, he observed his friends swaying to the rhythm of cheesy tunes that once brought him joy. He stepped away a few minutes ago, using the excuse of getting some sodas. Because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pretend to have fun anymore.
Despite the passage of months since the unfortunate events involving his father, David found it impossible to let go. Wasn't he supposed to embrace the joy of youth? Yet, he couldn't shake off the weight that burdened his spirit. No matter the setting or the activity, he struggled to rediscover his former self and find comfort in the simple act of having fun.
In recent months, he had grown to despise the person he had become - a silent, melancholic presence that cast a shadow on those around him. It was a role he never wished to embody, for he had always aspired to be the life of the party, the one who uplifted his friends and spread happiness to all. Now, he found himself on the opposite end of the spectrum, mourning the loss of his old self.
David's train of thought was abruptly interrupted when someone bumped into him, causing a bit of their drink to spill onto his shoulder. "Oops, my bad, sorry dude," the person quickly apologized, only realizing who they were talking to after the fact. David observed as recognition lit up Michael's face, a fellow teammate from the football team.
"David, great to see you here dude! We've missed you at the other parties!" Michael exclaimed, his words slightly slurred, indicating he had already enjoyed a few drinks.
David, mustering his courage, swallowed the anxiety that welled within him and endeavored to respond with a semblance of ease. "Uh, yeah... I've been dealing with some personal matters, so I've been keeping a low profile for a while," he replied, his words floating delicately in the air.
To his relief, Michael nodded in understanding, always proving himself to be one of the more compassionate teammates. David could never find a single negative thing to say about him.
With a hearty pat on the back, Michael exclaimed, "Well then, my friend, it seems you've found yourself in the perfect setting to unwind and let loose a little." He deftly retrieved an unopened beer from the nearby table, expertly popping the cap and extending it towards David, a gesture of camaraderie and inclusion.
David's gaze lingered upon the offered drink, his eyes tracing the contours of the glass as memories of past parties with Exer flooded his mind. They had always abstained from alcohol, driven by a deep-rooted respect for their parents and a firm determination to avoid becoming one of those teenagers stumbling home inebriated.
The words "let loose a little" echoed in David's thoughts, their weight and allure impossible to ignore. With a nervous smile, he accepted the drink, his gratitude conveyed through a simple yet genuine "Thanks, man, will do."
Michael, seemingly content with David's response, carried on towards his original destination, leaving David alone with his internal struggle. As he stood there, gripping the bottle in his hand, he silently battled the urge to succumb to its intoxicating contents.
He shifted his gaze towards his friends, who didn't seem to be missing him just yet. His eyes then returned to the bottle, unable to tear away from its captivating appeal.
With one final glance at his friends, he slipped away from their sight and made his way to the backyard, where the crisp, refreshing air embraced him like an old friend. He inhaled deeply, savoring the rejuvenating sensation that filled his lungs, before his gaze once again fell upon the bottle.
Deep within his heart, he knew he shouldn't give in to temptation, but an insatiable curiosity gnawed at him. What would it feel like to surrender to the effects of alcohol? His eyes scanned the crowd, observing the joyous revelry unfolding before him. A desire for temporary oblivion tugged at his soul, and perhaps, just perhaps, this could be his chance to let loose and find a moment of pure enjoyment.
Without further contemplation, he yielded to the temptation, granting himself permission to indulge, if only for this solitary occasion. With a resolute determination, he raised the bottle to his lips, allowing the substance within to cascade into his being.
The anticipation of its effects fueled his impatience, urging him to consume it with haste, as if hoping to absorb its essence in a single breath. Upon finishing, a sense of satiation washed over him, yet an unwavering resolve propelled him back to the kitchen.
With a determined gaze, he scoured the contents strewn across the table, seeking something more potent, something capable of granting him the solace he yearned for, a temporary break from the burdens that weighed upon his soul.
His eyes were drawn to a partially untouched bottle of vodka resting upon the countertop, seemingly mingling with the assortment of sodas nearby. However, David had no intention of diluting its strength.
With a swift motion, he seized the bottle, deftly maneuvering through the mass of partygoers, his clandestine mission to keep it concealed from prying eyes. Ascending the stairs in a rush, his destination was the bathroom, but upon encountering a lengthy queue, he veered into the first available room, shutting the door behind him. It was a teenage boy's bedroom, likely belonging to the host of the soirée.
Leaning against the door, he inhaled deeply, momentarily grappling with the heaviness of his decision. Yet, his yearning to escape surpassed the boundaries of reason. With trembling hands, he uncorked the bottle, his gaze fixated upon its contents, engaged in an internal battle against his own conscience. Ignoring the faint whispers of resistance echoing within his mind, he brought the bottle to his lips, succumbing to the allure of oblivion, and took a tentative sip.
The fiery embrace of the vodka cascaded down his throat, leaving in its wake a searing ache. A small cough escaped his lips, caught off guard by the unexpected intensity of its flavor. Despite the tremors coursing through his hands, he remained resolute, refusing to retreat from his chosen path.
With a resigned sigh, he closed his eyes, summoning the strength to take another sip, and then another, and another. As the burn gradually subsided, he pressed on, determined to drown his sorrows in the depths of each subsequent sip.
He attempted to swallow it all in one go, but his body revolted, threatening to expel the liquid as quickly as it had entered. Yet, he gathered every ounce of willpower to retain it within.
As he lowered the bottle, his body sank in unison, sliding down the door until he found himself seated on the floor. A peculiar sensation washed over him, his head growing heavier and his eyes assuming an altered state. Every fiber of his being seemed to bear a weight, his vision subtly shifting, the edges blurring ever so slightly.
He knew he was already feeling affects, the way his body was feeling obviously a reaction to the alcohol. But he didn’t quite understand why there was no happiness following. The sounds of the party was still ringing in this room, he could still hear the music and people talking the hall, but there was no desire to join them. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to feel?
His vision blurred, but not due to the effects of the drink, but because tears were starting to well up in his eyes. Without fully comprehending the impending release of his emotions, he raised the bottle to his lips once more, consuming more of the intoxicating elixir.
This act was meant to transform him, to restore his capacity for enjoyment, so he could rejoin his friends and prove that he still possessed the ability to be lighthearted. Tears cascaded down his cheeks, mirroring the descent of the alcohol down his throat.
Once his body reached its limit, he couldn't hold it back any longer. He hastily leaned his head forward, desperately avoiding the embarrassment of regurgitation. The contents spilled forth without his consent, a curse escaping his lips as he found himself unable to halt the torrent. Tears mingled with his distress.
The moment he finished, he attempted to rise, eager to distance himself from the aftermath of excessive alcohol consumed in too short a span of time. However, the repercussions crashed upon him with unrelenting force. He stumbled back, taken aback by the overwhelming dizziness.
His head swayed as he surveyed the unfamiliar room, an unfamiliar sensation engulfing him. It was as if his body carried an immense weight while simultaneously soaring through time, a disconcerting loss of control.
A sense of panic washed over him as he came to the realization that the impact of the alcohol had far surpassed his initial estimation. He clumsily shifted his gaze towards the discarded bottle lying on the floor, its contents noticeably depleted beyond what was expected.
He made another effort to rise, this time managing to do so, albeit with a noticeable lack of grace as he stumbled on unsteady feet. His gaze fell upon the bile-stained ground, tempting him to repeat his previous actions, yet he managed to resist the urge this time.
As he observed the room, his unsteady steps betraying his disorientation, a sudden realization washed over him. He must have been in this state for far longer than he had perceived, his time away likely raising concerns among his friends.
He watched the door, attuning his senses to the vibrant sounds and music emanating from downstairs, desperately seeking the courage to join his friends. Perhaps, if he simply descended the stairs and immersed himself in the rhythmic melodies, the intoxicating effects of the alcohol would transform his mood into one of happiness.
David couldn't comprehend how he hadn't managed to forget everything; instead, it felt as though a magnifying glass had been placed upon his somber emotions, intensifying them rather than alleviating them. He found himself on the verge of feeling even worse than before. Wasn't alcohol supposed to be the substance that allowed people to flee from their troubles? Why didn't it work for him?
With a glimmer of hope, he resolved to push himself into the midst of the crowd, hoping that it would bring about a change. He stumbled through the doorway, a wave of regret crashing over him as he found himself engulfed in the bustling corridor.
Swallowing his panic, he navigated through the groups of people, determined to make his way downstairs. The surroundings appeared hazy and his body tingled with the effects of the liquor, making it a challenge to maintain a steady gait.
In the recesses of his mind, a wry chuckle escaped, acknowledging the irony of his situation: once striving to conform to the societal expectations of being straight, now focusing on the physical act of walking in a straight line. The alcohol had certainly begun to play tricks on his mind, as he found himself giggling without even realizing he had started.
With an infectious giggle still escaping his lips, David descended the stairs, lost in his own amusement at the clever joke he had conjured within his mind. Among the lively conversations and flirtations with a group of girls, Michael caught sight of David and beckoned him over.
In that moment, the usual anxiety that had plagued David lately in social interactions seemed to dissipate, replaced by a newfound confidence. Wearing a genuine smile, he made his way towards the dark-haired boy, momentarily forgetting his initial purpose of reuniting with his friends.
As David approached, Michael, who appeared to be slightly more intoxicated himself, enveloped him in a warm embrace. "Hey, dude! How's the whole 'letting loose' thing going?" Michael inquired, his words slightly slurred.
Despite David's mind being plagued by the recent episodes of vomiting and emotional turmoil, he responded with a laugh, as if it were a sufficient answer.
His attention shifted to the presence of Lily and Emma, the two cheerleaders from their school, and he greeted them with a somewhat slurred "Hey, ladies." In that moment, David couldn't help but think how ‘trying to be straight David’ from a year ago would’ve been very proud of this interaction.
He found amusement in his own thoughts, causing another burst of laughter to escape his lips, momentarily interrupting the girls' response.
Lost in his own world, David remained oblivious to their reactions, as well as Michael's amusement at his drunken antics.
Michael, still keeping his arm around David, glanced back and forth between the girls and him. "You know what'd be a blast? A double date with two gorgeous cheerleaders like you and two handsome jocks like us. Sounds like a solid plan, right?" With a playful wiggle of his eyebrows, he removed his arm from David's shoulder and gallantly took Lily's hand, planting a gentle kiss upon it.
A rosy blush adorned her cheeks as she turned to her friend, silently seeking confirmation of their shared excitement for this double date. Much to David's dismay, Emma's smile indicated her genuine interest.
David's laughter bubbled forth uncontrollably, the alcohol eroding his inhibitions. The peculiar sound of his laughter puzzled the trio, their gazes fixed on him with questioning expressions. An unfamiliar response in their world. After all, how often does a single handsome football player turn down a pretty girl's advances? But David's heart was already spoken for, unbeknownst to them.
In that moment, David didn’t realized the gravity of his words, the weight of his actions. "Oh, I’m sorry. I'm actually not available," he slurred, a sense of pride lacing his voice as he thought of the boy with brown curls who held his heart captive.
He was on the verge of revealing his relationship, eager to share that Exer was the one who possessed his love, when a familiar voice called out his name.
His body whipped around, almost tripping in the process, his attention consumed by the sound. Ignoring the questioning looks from the trio, who had witnessed his near coming out, David focused solely on the person who had stolen his heart.
As their eyes met, David found himself captivated by the depth of emotion in the dark-skinned boy's brown eyes. A flicker of concern danced within those expressive orbs as he approached, causing a disquieting sensation to churn in David's stomach, momentarily making him feel queasy.
After finally maneuvering his way through the crowded room, Exer reached David and gently placed his hands on his shoulders, locking eyes with David's piercing blue ones. "David, we've been searching everywhere for you! We couldn't find you, we thought you left."
The memory of that moment, when he sat on the floor, overwhelmed by emotions, succumbing to the effects of alcohol, flooded his mind. He swallowed hard, but he sensed a newfound ability to push aside the negative feelings, replacing them with a forced smile, determined to suppress the encroaching anxiety in his stomach.
"I’ve just been having some fun, letting loose," he reassured, his hands tenderly cupping Exer's cheek. A faint smile graced his lips as he continued, "Having fun." The words escaped his mouth again as if the concept of fun was something he had never expected to experience again.
He observed Exer's troubled expression, the worry etched across his face, only intensifying. Exer's eyes momentarily shifted away from David's, nervously scanning their surroundings. With a touch of regret, Exer gently removed David's hands from his face.
David's outstretched hand yearned to bridge the distance between them once more, but Exer instinctively took a cautious step back, casting anxious glances around the room. In that moment, David couldn't comprehend why they had to conceal their love, prompting him to take a determined step forward.
However, his unsteady footing caused him to stumble, and Exer instinctively placed a hand on David's chest, steadying him while maintaining a slight distance. David heard Exer release a sigh, though he couldn't discern the reason behind it, perhaps because his eyes were closed. David felt himself leaning forward slightly, but then he felt the reassuring presence of two strong hands guiding his upper arms, leading him somewhere. He stumbled along clumsily, catching fragments of muttered words from Exer, but his mind struggled to keep up, leaving him unable to fully grasp the meaning behind the whispered phrases.
The melodic strains of the music gradually faded into a hushed whisper, and David became aware of hands gently guiding him to settle onto a plush surface. A queasy sensation washed over him, causing his brows to furrow, but he fought against the rising discomfort, swallowing it down. Taking a deep breath, he sensed Exer's gaze fixed upon him, yet he struggled to connect with his own emotions, feeling as if he were suspended in mid-air.
"David?" The sound of his name reached his ears, uttered so softly and filled with genuine concern that he compelled himself to open his eyes and meet the gaze of the person who had whispered his name.
“Exer” His own voice hummed just as quietly, but his voice lingered with effects of alcohol.
He glanced around the room, suddenly recognizing it as the very same one where he had consumed all the liquor earlier. The evidence was scattered on the floor, near the still-present bottle of vodka. Exer followed his gaze, his eyes fixated on the mess and then shifting to the bottle, connecting the dots in his head.
He listened intently as his boyfriend drew in a deep breath, his hand gliding over his head, likely processing and deep in thought. David's heart raced with anticipation, knowing that a difficult conversation was about to unfold. Memories of their pact to abstain from drinking until they reached the legal age flooded his mind, intensifying the weight of his guilt.
He had shattered their agreement, and the remorse began to wash over him like a relentless tide. To compound the pain, the consequences seemed so trivial in comparison. A fleeting moment of feeling alright, only to be swiftly replaced by the anguish that now enveloped him.
As he observed Exer struggling to find the right words, tears welled up in David's eyes, silently betraying his inner turmoil. All he yearned for was a semblance of peace, but the truth was undeniable - he was far from okay.
Exer appeared to finally have found the right words to say, but when he looked at David and saw the tears filling up in his eyes, it stopped him in his tracks. His eyes widened, and he quickly moved to David's side, placing his hands on his shoulder and gently rubbing his thumbs in a comforting manner. "Hey, it's alright. Everything will be okay," he reassured.
Tears streamed down his cheeks, an unstoppable cascade, while his gaze remained fixed on Exer, who valiantly attempted to console him. Every try to utter an apology was met with a choked sob instead.
In an instant, Exer's arms enveloped the blonde boy, caressing his trembling back. David resisted this vulnerability, not wanting to surrender to the overwhelming flood of emotions in Exer's embrace. Yet, his body seemed to have a will of its own, releasing all his pent-up emotions in a torrent of tears and anguished sobs.
Struggling to find his voice, he endeavored to convey his remorse to Exer, yearning to express his deep desire for happiness. However, only faint murmurs escaped his lips, their meaning likely lost in the haze of his emotions. Yet, his sweet and extraordinary best friend, who also happened to be his boyfriend, gently hushed him, maintaining their tender embrace.
Time seemed to lose all meaning as they sat there, David's tears pouring onto Exer's shoulder. The duration of their embrace remained a mystery, as if the world outside had ceased to exist.
Gradually, David's sobs subsided, as he listened to the heartbeat of the boy he held so dear. A tender kiss graced his forehead, a gesture of care and affection. Slowly, Exer released his embrace, yet kept a comforting hand on David's shoulder, a steady presence of support.
David's eyes remained fixed on the ground, deliberately avoiding the stare he knew held a depth of concern. It was a look that had become all too familiar, yet one he never wished to encounter.
The hand that had rested on his shoulder now tenderly cradled his face, gently coaxing him to meet the eyes of the boy he loved so much. David understood that he could not escape, for he knew Exer cared too deeply to allow him to flee from this moment.
And so, David finally mustered the courage to meet Exer’s beautiful brown eyes, his own blue eyes heavy with regret.
"David, please," Exer pleaded softly, his voice barely a whisper. David understood the unspoken request, but he felt too shattered to comply. Yet, as he witnessed Exer's own tears welling up, he felt like he had no other choice.
"I just...I just wanted to find happiness, to...to forget," David responded, his voice trembling and so hushed that if Exer had been standing farther away, he might not have heard.
David's words had a profound impact on Exer, as he watched his expression crumble, witnessing his valiant struggle to hold back the tears, a struggle that proved futile.
Exer hastily brushed away his tears, gently cradling David's flushed head in both his hands, drawing them closer until their foreheads touched. Exer didn’t seem to mind the perspiration that dampened his forehead, a result of the alcohol coursing through his veins, as he remained intimately close, silently sharing in his tears.
"This isn't the solution, Day," Exer exclaimed, his words intermingled with fresh tears streaming down both of their faces. David slowly nodded against his forehead, acknowledging that the fleeting comfort he sought in alcohol only left him feeling devastated and lost.
He found consolation in Exer's presence, but in this moment, his deepest longing was to retreat to the solace of his bed and slumber away this overwhelming sensation. Dizziness, nausea, and a general sense of unease enveloped him. He understood the importance of continuing their conversation, but exhaustion consumed him.
With a gentle nudge of his nose against Exer's, he softly implored, "Can we please head home?" his voice still trembling, bearing the remnants of a slurred speech.
A tender kiss graced his lips before the warmth of Exer's touch dissipated, leaving David to witness the solemn nod from his boyfriend. "Yes, let's get you home," Exer murmured, a bittersweet smile adorning his face. "You'll be alright," he assured, though in that moment, David didn’t know whether it was himself or Exer who needed the reassurance.
Nevertheless, he nodded, hoping that Exer would find consolation in his gesture.
Exer extended a helping hand to assist David in standing, but before they embarked on their journey home, he couldn't resist enveloping him in a warm embrace. In that tender hug, love coursed through their connection, a love that transcended the limitations of words, expressing itself in the language of touch.
Three hours slipped away, and now David found himself in the embrace of his bed, a comforting presence pressed against his back, holding him close. The way back, once they located Brenda and Ron, was swift. However, upon returning to the Miller household, David was overcome by the remnants of alcohol, his body betraying him as he hunched over the toilet.
His mother, without needing any explanation, immediately offered her soothing presence, gently rubbing his back as he emptied his stomach. Brenda fetched a glass of water, and Exer, ever thoughtful, prepared his most comfortable pajamas, laying them out on his bed. They were all there for him, their unwavering support filling him with a sense of guilt, unable to fend off the sickness that persisted until there was nothing left to expel.
The warmth of his bed brought a wave of relief, its warmth seeping into his weary bones. Though his body and mind still carried the weight of anguish, he found solace in the presence of his boyfriend, who offered a glimmer of comfort.
With a gentle squeeze, he held onto the hands that encircled him, feeling a slight sense of consolation.
Slowly, he allowed his tired eyes to close, surrendering to the embrace of slumber. Tomorrow would bring the harsh reality of consequences, but for now, he granted himself the respite of drifting off into a peaceful sleep.