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This is Rin’s body—a map of scars and missing parts. A thing slowly degrading.
She yields it like a weapon, and she punishes it like a misbehaving child.
It’s her point of contact with the world, and it’s a place of violence and filth and shame.
She knows. It’s going to be her end. One day, it will collapse under the weight of her spirit. It will crumble. Or it will become her prison for eternity. Nothing good ever comes out of having a body, she thinks. It’s only a vessel and a counting device; it keeps the score, it screams you are limited, you’re running out of time, you’re gonna break . You are breaking. The wind howls, and her skin gets peeled off like charred metal – she watches it drift away, slowly through the air. It hurts. This body, she’s locked in it and it only knows how to hurt.
That’s true. Nothing good ever comes out of having a body. Nothing good, except from this, maybe; except from Kitay’s body.
When she touches his body, pleasure blooms under her skin. Soft, feathery pleasure like warm water slowly dripping down her back, her arms, her legs, her belly, and her neck, hot steam rising up like a cloud all around them. In this envelope of pleasure, her body becomes a tender place. The insides of a ripe fruit, slowly pilled. As she touches his face, his mouth opens. She slips her finger inside, gently touching his tongue. It’s warm and soft and wet. His lips cover his teeth. How can she explain this kind of pleasure? With his clever tongue, not even he can answer when she asks him how it feels. He just breaths, oh, oh, oh , digging his fingers in her skin. She’s breathless, too. When they fuck they’re on a loop. She buries her teeth in his shoulder. She’s coming apart, bursting at the seams, her body, burning, melting against his – dissolving - Becoming whole.
Afterwards, she thinks about the shame it brings to her—this wholeness, her pleasure. The way she can only feel it through Kitay’s body and their bond.
Kitay’s always twitching in his sleep, his muscles pulsing and spasming. He never talks about the pain, but his body cannot lie; the past is alive inside of it. She holds him during the worst of it, feeling this shame bursting out of her like a scorching hot flame. Rin lives in an angry body; there is nothing she can do about it. And now this anger is seeping into Kitay like poison.
“The bond makes it something quite special,” Daji had said to her once, cruelly. She was right, of course. It’s getting more difficult to disentangle her body from his after they’ve both come. She always wants more and more and more. You’re my lover , she thinks each time, and I’m eating you alive .
It’s funny, in the dealings of poisons and pleasures, of course the Vipress was right.