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Dan Heng lay on his bed, both eyes wide open. He had no drive to sleep at all.
At this hour, he should’ve already gotten his well-deserved rest, enjoying what he could have for a dream—although his venture to this so-called dream land rarely ever began. His posture was perfect too, the embodiment of an ideal sleeping position. The temperature should’ve been spot on too. Not too cold nor too hot. Even more, the precious books surrounding him gave a piece of comfort that, to his understanding, was unbeatable by any place in the world.
It was the best sleeping condition he could’ve ever asked for.
If it’d been the usual days, it would’ve only taken seconds before his eyes were shut.
It was evident that something bothered him. An undescribable feeling kept his mind occupied—and in reality, he’d already figured out what it was. There could only be one correct answer.
After all, it’d only been a few days since his true identity—or his past self, to be precise—was unveiled even to himself.
He bore the title of the Imbibitor Lunae, one who had committed a grave sin under the gaze of countless burning and even dead stars in the universe. The price for giving in to the forbidden fruit of giving someone an eternal life was a punishment for life. Although—and even if his past self did it with a good intention—no one saw it the same way as he did. A criminal deserved to be exiled—that was how people remembered him.
In the end, what he’d done was still considered as a crime frowned upon by the long-life citizens of Xianzhou.
Yet, the disdain they had wasn’t for Dan Heng in particular, but for who he’d been before. However, with no recollection about any of those things, every blame fell on him—and although it’d been many years to make those people forgot, the black-haired young man still felt unwelcomed in their eyes for a reason he himself couldn’t comprehend.
And then, today was another eventful moment in his life. It was the very same day of his first and most likely last meeting with the renowned criminal of Xianzhou—one who shared a history with past himself, Jing Liu.
The mara-struck woman reached out to him with a single letter, asking to spend the day with him together. It was clear she tried to rile up those buried memories of Dan Feng within Dan Heng’s mind. Her voice echoed right in his ears, as if those were constant reminders of his past identity he didn’t know about.
It was the same with the Stellaron Hunter, Blade, who shared even a deeper bond with Dan Feng. But, the stronger that bond was, the more intense his hatred towards the reincarnated High Elder became. His stares were enough to cast a dagger right on Dan Heng’s neck. Forgetting it didn’t mean he was innocent for the man who forged his signature weapon, the Cloud-Piercer. The fact he was still using that weapon until now proved it even more.
The memories didn’t end there, though. Jing Yuan, Baiheng, Bailu….Those who were related to his history as Dan Feng with him not even knowing anything about it….
It was too much to process.
Dan Heng’s restless gaze lingered on the ceiling. He wished to forget those memories that rushed into his head all at once. But as much as he tried, it turned out to be a futile attempt. Whether he liked it or not, he couldn’t separate his existence from Dan Feng. He understood that his past self was the reason he existed now. The reason he could breath and feel the warm blood pumping through his veins—everything had a start, and in this case, his start was Dan Feng.
Having a severe crisis identity—one that made him doubt his own existence—would be the perfect way to describe what he was feeling now.
There’s no way I can sleep like this….
It’d been hours away from his usual schedule. At this rate, Dan Heng knew falling asleep would be closer to impossible. Thus, Dan Heng had two choices. The first one would be to close both of his eyes as long as he could, and if a miracle did exist, the next time he opened his eyes would be in the morning—although telling the differences between morning and night in Astral Express wasn’t that straightforward.
Even he who had made that option thought it as a bad idea. Since he knew his mind better than anyone else, he was certain that his worry wouldn’t vanish into thin air so easily, just from sheer will.
The only sensible option left was the latter, and it was him spending the time organizing his thoughts. It wouldn’t be in his room, though, as the familiar feeling surrounded by books and other archives would only distract him. It must be in a place where nothing could bother him.
Strangely enough, he chose Astral Express’s parlor car as the spot. With his tendency to spend time alone in his room, Dan Heng’s presence wasn’t that big around that area. Maybe a change of atmosphere was what he needed now.
I don’t think anyone is awake at this hour.
Dan Heng got up from his bed, although calling it a bed would be an insult to other beds in the entire universe. It was just one layer of mattress spread on the ground that his body had squeezed for numerous times at this point. It was a wonder how that bed could still reserve its softness. With only a pillow and a green-colored blanket that could cover him from head to toe, Dan Heng could have a safe and sound sleeping time—something March couldn’t comprehend.
At least it was better than the Express’ naughty and sassy racoon, Stelle, who found her comfort in the form of a hard, rough, and thick trash can.
The floor was quite cold, but it didn’t bother Dan Heng. He walked out of his room towards the Passenger Cabin. As what he’d expected, it was quiet. The sound of his footsteps echoed across the empty hall. It only took a few steps until he arrived at the door separating the area he was currently in and the Parlor Car.
As soon as the door opened, he crossed that gap, greeted by comfortable warm air that breezed through. The large whale acting as the light floated above him. Not just that, a certain music that could calm one’s soul with its jazzy, gentle melody serenaded the area. Dan Heng wasn’t someone who had one favorite song, but he didn’t mind the relaxing tone whispering in his ears now.
What he didn’t expect was that one girl sitting on one couch.
Her short pink didn’t look as neat as the usual with some bed hair sticking out. Based on the pink pajama she was wearing, it looked like she’d tried to sleep before, but her attempt had failed miserably. Her eyes were glued on her phone, but the sound of the door opening alarmed her of someone else presence.
“Oh, Dan Heng?”
March raised her eyebrows as she noticed the presence of his friend. Dan Heng closed the distance with every step. She turned off her phone and placed it on her side. On the other hand, Dan Heng approached her until he stopped and stood next to her.
“March, you’re not asleep yet?” Dan Heng asked.
“I was about to, but Stelle invited me to play this new gacha game she’d been waiting. I couldn’t turn her down since she looked so excited.”
“Where is she then?”
“Ah, I think she became mad when I got the character she wanted in a single pull. I didn’t even do anything wrong!” March said, trying to downplay the crime she’d done towards Stelle’s weak heart. After all, gacha players are one step away from becoming one-kidney creatures. “I believe the character’s name was Elisia? Or was it Elysia?”
“You said that as if I knew what you were talking about.”
“It will be faster if I just show you the character.”
“There’s no need for that,” Dan Heng said. “What about you then?”
“Me? Well….” March was scratching the back of her head while showing an awkward smile. “You see, the game is much more addictive than I thought. I’m still playing it, actually. You know what? You should play too, Dan Heng! We three can play the game together, of course, only if Stelle is still up for it.”
“I’ll have to pass on your offer.”
Dan Heng once again declined March’s offer before walking towards the couch right across from her. That entire time, March was watching at her friend walking away and sitting down on the same colored couch as the one she was using now—all was done without any sound. March, who had expected the interaction to last longer, felt dumbfounded by that.
Second had passed with the music looping for the umpteenth time. Dan Heng was staring at the window behind him, watching the dots in various colors pulsed in the galaxy. Some of them shone brighter than others, while ones that weren’t as lucky would slowly fade away, swallowed by dark matter covering the universe.
He tried to focus on his own thoughts when March came up to him.
“Hey, why didn’t you sit down beside me?” March asked.
“You were using it,” Dan Heng answered.
“Even though there’s still so much space on it?”
“….Do I need to?”
“Yes!”
March didn’t hesitate to throw her body to the couch. If Dan Heng hadn’t evaded in time, they would’ve crashed into each other, resulting in a catastrophe both of them wouldn’t want.
“You should be more careful,” Dan Heng said, looking at March, who planted her face on the soft couch.
“S-sorry….” She groaned in pain.
After making sure that she was sitting comfortably next to Dan Heng, March looked at Dan Heng. He, of course, noticed that, as March not breaking an eye contact whatsoever.
“What is it?” he finally asked.
“It’s just….It’s pretty unusual that you’re still awake, you know?” March said. She had a confused look on her face. “Actually, you being here is already unusual. What’s the matter?”
“I couldn’t get any sleep.”
“Is that it?”
“That’s it.”
“Hmm….” March pushed her back onto the couch. All of a sudden, a wide smile appeared on her face—a mischievous kind. ”If that’s the case, then—”
“Sorry, but I’ve to refuse.”
“I haven’t even said anything!”
“You want me to do something for you, right?”
“No no! I just want to take your picture!”
“So my guess was correct….”
“It’s just a photo, though!” March pulled out the blue camera she always carried. At this point, it’d become the part of her. “Jan jan! Stay still, okay?”
“Where did you even pull that out from?”
“C’mon, give me a smile.”
March acted as if she hadn’t heard Dan Heng’s words. She aimed the camera at him, looking at the black-haired young man through the lens. Every of her movement was expressing excitement. The same thing couldn’t be said about Dan Heng, though, who was staring at the camera with no expression.
“Smile a little, won’t you?” March was already taking photos, but none of them struck her fancy.
“Why do you even need a photo of me, anyway?”
“Well, I need more photos for my collection.”
“Then the photos don’t need to be me.”
“Maybe, but I want these photos to hold some kind of memories, you know? Like, when I see it in the future, I can think back to what happened, ‘Oh, that’s when Stelle found her first trash can’ or ‘I forgot how beautiful Belobog was!’, something like that. You get it?” March checked out the photos she’d taken before. Just by looking at them, she felt happy. “Besides, it’s very rare for you to hang out with us. Don’t you think it’s nice to have your photos as well? So c’mon! Give me your best smile.”
March’s optimism was something Dan Heng didn’t have. And yet, he wanted to understand that. At least, he wanted to be able to think the way March did. The turmoil happening inside his head wouldn’t stop if he kept his way of thinking forever.
“March,” he said, completely facing his friend now. “I actually need your advice.”
His sudden request startled March. It wasn’t an everyday thing where she could hear Dan Heng asking her for something—or anything to begin with. He was afraid that she’d make fun of him with her usual energetic attitude, which he couldn’t hate, but instead….
“I’m listening.”
….She smiled while leaning her body forward. She put all her attention on him, and it was enough to reassure Dan Heng.
He told her everything—from his meeting with Jing Liu for the first time until the fight he witnessed in the Scalegorge Waterscape between two people who’d shared memories with his past self. He even told her about his meeting with both Stellaron Hunter members, which catalyzed his transformation. Every detail and emotion he had….He laid them all for March to hear.
It was the most vulnerable Dan Heng had ever been in front of someone else.
March was listening the entire time until Dan Heng uttered the last few words.
“….That’s it. That’s the end of it.”
“Hmm….That’s certainly complicated….” March said while pressing her temple.
Dan Heng realized that what he’d just told March was probably too much for her to handle at one go. He blamed himself again, thinking that it was a bad idea after all.
“Sorry. I’m troubling you, am I?”
“Ah, no no! That’s not what I meant.” March sounded panic upon hearing those words. She had to take a deep breath first before she could continue. “To be honest, though, is that a problem?”
“….What do you mean?” Dan Heng asked.
Throughout every possibility he had in his mind, what March said was something he didn’t expect at all.
“I mean, I get that you’re thinking about your past. I do it some times, but well, you’re talking to someone who doesn’t have past after all,” March said while pointing at herself. Even when she said something as sad as that, her smile didn’t disappear. “I’m just thinking that although one’s past is important, it doesn’t mean they have to base their existence on that, right?”
“Do you think so?”
“Yup! Just look at Stelle! You think she cares about her past?”
“Fair enough.”
Dan Heng averted his gaze a little. He couldn’t deny that March’s words were comforting enough, but it’d be a lie if he said nothing worried him anymore. In the end, the reason he told March everything was because of that same worry.
He made an eye contact with her again.
“What about you, March?” Dan Heng asked. “Can you still think of me as Dan Heng after hearing my story?”
“Why can’t I?”
It was an instant answer from her.
“Dan Heng that I know is cold, likes to overcomplicate stuff, borderline rude with his words….”
At that point, Dan Heng didn’t know whether it was a compliment or not. But one thing he was sure about would be March’s sincerity within every of her word. That was one thing he couldn’t deny.
“But for that same reason, I believe that Dan Heng is Dan Heng! He isn’t Dan Feng, Xiaonzhou’s traitor, or even Cold Dragon Young!”
“That last bit is unnecessary, isn’t?”
“M-my point is that Dan Heng is already more than fine. He is the precious member of Astral Express, and not to mention my precious friend as well!”
Dan Heng could see the sparkles within her eyes. The lights were illuminating for him, and he’d never been so grateful upon knowing this girl who was pushing his back this whole time.
He then shifted his gaze towards the floor. He could see his own reflection on it because of a certain conductor’s amazing skill at cleaning. The face he saw on it wasn’t any different from the usual, but for some reason, he couldn’t help not to smile.
“D-Dan Heng, are you okay?”
March, who didn’t know what was happening inside Dan Heng’s head, was worried after seeing her friend having his head down, looking even more dejected than usual. What she didn’t know was the immense gratification he had for March. Her attention had cracked even the emotionless Dan Heng.
He pulled his head up. His mouth began to move, and from the gap between his lips, he conveyed his happiness.
“I’m more than okay, March. Thank you.”
That smile he had on his face was genuine. March hadn’t prepared herself for that. The embarrassment finally hit her as both of her cheeks became redder and hotter—almost oozing steam from them.
“N-now, l-let’s just—”
She tried to change the topic before the embarrassment could kill her. But instead of that, something fell onto her lap. Upon opening both eyes, she could see Dan Heng’s head right on her lap. His eyes were already shut. It seemed that once he’d relaxed, his body instantly gave in to the fatigue. It felt as if the burden on his shoulders had been lifted just from being next to the pink-haired girl.
“D-Dan Heng?”
No sound could reach his ears anymore. It was completely silent, as Dan Heng had already fallen asleep.
No words were uttered at that moment, but it was Dan Heng’s way of saying that being close to her comforted him. March couldn’t even be mad at it. She showed a gentle smile before caressing Dan Heng’s hair several times.
And as if a light bulb appeared on top of her head, she’d just gotten a nice idea. Dan Heng was being harmless now, and there was no way he could avoid what she was about to do.
Click!
It was the sound of her camera shutter. Nicely projected on that small screen was Dan Heng’s side profile, right on top of March’s covered thighs. There was a subtle smile on his rather stoic face. His calm and steady breathing was translated into his posture as well.
To him, it was the best sleep he’d ever gotten.
On the other hand, March was yawning too. She was getting sleepy. None of her eyes were able to resist the temptation. Then, right after a sweet whisper directly into Dan Heng’s ears, she also fell asleep.
"Have a nice sleep, Dan Heng."