Archive of Our Own

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“And that concludes Food Club for today!” Captain announced, tucking his stick under his arm; “Anyone got an idea for what our next talk could be?”

Pat raised his hand; “Ooh, I’ve got one! We could do ‘Where Was I’. It’s where you name a big historical event and say where you were. For example, ‘where was I when Prince Charles married Lady Di?’ Me and the family went to the pub, whole street peering at this tiny telly they had set up for everyone to watch! I still remember saying ‘Carol, those two kids’ll make it. Just like us’…” He chuckled, which quickly died out, a faraway look in his eyes.

“Well, as fun as that sounds, Patrick, it’s a rather pointless game given our circumstances.” Fanny commented.

“Yes. We here. We always here!” Robin grunted, “Moonah landing, JFK, Challenger, Spice World Movie, Millenium, Robin Williams – we always here!”

Whether it was a patch of land with nothing but a sacred circle, or a plague-ridden village, or a fancy house, or an even bigger fancier house, or – as it was now – a beautiful hotel, it was still the same place. They weren’t going anywhere soon, barring a miracle of light from the sky.

“We did watch it though, didn’t we!” Kitty piped up from her chair; “Remember? Heather had a cold so she had it on TV here rather than go to her friends as she usually did.”

The other ghosts, aside from Julian, all nodded their heads as it all came back to them.

“Ah yes, it was a beautiful ceremony.” Thomas sighed.

“Magnificent gown on her. A true fairytale come to life. Only one who could have looked more beautiful in that dress I reckon would have been you, Katherine.” Captain winked at the young Georgian who preened at the compliment.

Robin nodded; “Mmm, look like angel.”

“I missed watching the service. Still sleeping off a hangover from the night before, a lot of us boys having a proxy stag night for old Chaz.” Julian chuckled, “Caught the highlights on the news later when I finally emerged from the pit. A few of those bridesmaids I wouldn’t have minded sneaking a little goose too. Honk honk.”

Everyone either cringed or rolled their eyes, except for Robin who was often the only one to snigger at his buddy’s lewd jokes and innuendos.

“Who would want a goose at-?” Kitty began to ask but Captain placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t make him explain it again.”

There was a brief, awkward pause before Pat spoke.

“’Ere…Do you reckon when Mia gets married, Alison or Mike will record it for us so we can watch?” He asked the others.

“Well, I should hope that she’d get married here!” Fanny asserted; “I may not approve of weddings outside of church, but I can forgive the blasphemy if it means getting to see my granddaughter be happily wed to the man…or woman, I suppose, of her dreams.”

“Oh yes, she’d have to have the wedding here, so that way I can be her maid of honour!” Kitty beamed; “Just as we planned when she was little.”

“She was four back then, Kitty, she might have a new best friend who would be her maid of honour. But I’m sure she’d still want you as a bridesmaid.” Captain tried to reason with her.

A pout still formed on the young woman’s face.

“But she said ‘best friends forever’. Why say that if it’s not, literally, ‘forever’?” She huffed, crossing her arms in a sulk.

“That’s if she even wants to get married in a hotel.” Thomas said, brooding a little; “We all watched the last series of Don’t Tell The Bride, did we not? The number of options people have these days for wedding locations! Who would pick a dull golf resort over…the ruins of Athens? Or Niagara Falls?”

“Mia would!” Kitty continued to protest, getting a little upset by the idea now; “Because she loves coming here and she loves us and she would want us to be with her on her special day!”

“Does she…love coming here, I mean?” Pat asked, uncertain; “I mean the last time she was here she barely tried saying a word to us. I don’t even think she looked up from her phone. Kids today, glad Daley never had one of those things. Alison said she’s glued to it.”

“Shameful, isn’t it. Hyeeeh.” Julian moaned as he continued to play on his golfing app.

The caveman sat on the floor gave a confused grunt.

“Hey, why we talk about wedding? Mia still just baby. Right?”

“She’s sixteen, Robin.” Fanny reminded him; “That’s hardly a baby. But…yes, I do hope there’s still a few good years before she’s thinking about marriage. Alison told me it’s her schoolwork that’s the major concern for her and Michael. I told her that you can’t go wrong with a firm governess but apparently they’re hard to come by these days.”

“It’s the teenage years. I guess you could say I dodged a bullet, dying just before I got one appear in my house, but oh…I’m sure they would’ve been worth it.” Pat sighed.

Captain moved his hand out, looking ready to pat the scout leader’s shoulder before bringing it back.

“I’ll admit, I feel a little out of my depth, the older Mia gets. Even after she lost the Sight, as Mary called it, she still seemed to know that we were here when she’d visit. I was still able to get a giggle out of that little face with my ‘oochy boochies and googly wooglies’.” He remembered, fondly, “Last time I couldn’t even crack a smile.”

“Doesn’t really work on teenagers, Cap. Or…anyone over the age of five.” Julian said, looking up from his game.

“I was hoping she’d talk to me about the boys at her school but…Nothing. Not even a ‘Hi, Auntie Kitty!’, like she used to, even last Christmas.” Kitty sighed.

Thomas gasped; “You don’t think…she doesn’t believe we’re real anymore...?”

A sense of horror struck the group as their faces fell.

Mia was a link to the world they’d left behind. An anchor to the mortal realm, assuring them that they wouldn’t be forgotten, that they had someone else to interact with to some degree, who would most likely still be here long after her parents had passed away, God forbid that day to come. It had meant so much to all of them for Alison to keep that connection between her daughter and the ghosts after Mia had stopped seeing and hearing them, which had been older than most children, at least the ones Robin had met before. They had been lucky for her to see them until shortly after her fourth birthday. And luckier still that after the Sight was gone, very little changed.

The very idea of becoming nothing more than a child’s fantasy, a meaningless fairy tale, cut deep into their hearts.

Julian blew a raspberry, restoring everything to normal; “Of course not, you morons! She’s grown-up seeing evidence that we exist! She’s been watching me move stuff and Robin play with the lights and seeing images of Fanny up close. She listens to her own mother chat to us like it’s the most normal thing in the world. It’s not like we’re Father Christmas, no parent is going to be making a story like us lot up for their kids, just for shits and giggles!”

They all began to laugh as they acknowledged it to be a ridiculous fear. Alison would have to be a rather insane parent to go through all that hassle over the years just to trick her daughter into believing that this hotel room they visited every Christmas, and every few months in between, was full of ghosts. Ghosts who were also family.

Robin frowned; “But then why she no talk to us no more?”

“Face it! For teenagers, it’s all about being cool. And you guys? You’re just not cool.”

“Hey, me cool!” Robin protested, sounding a little pathetic; “Me cool, right?” He looked to Kitty who just gave his hair a gentle stroke, saying no more on the matter.

“All right then, Big Potatoes, what about you?” the head of Humphrey asked the politician, from his miniature hammock on the dresser. “How are you any ‘cooler’ than the rest of us?”

“Dunno, but I must be as I’m the one she does talk to!” Julian gloated.

“WHAT?” Everyone asked in shock.

He pointed to his phone on the table, permanently connected to a USB charger; “She got her first phone for her birthday. Alison must have given her my number. Yeah, we’re pretty tight. Two peas in a pod, you could say. Mia and her Cool Uncle Julian, Besties Forever.”

“What do you talk about?” asked Kitty.

“Nothing much.” He admitted, “We texted for a bit, I asked her about school, she asked about us lot, usual boring stuff. Think she got a bit frustrated how long it takes me to type. Kids these days, their fingers move so fast on these smartphones, I’m surprised they don’t catch fire. Haven’t heard from her in a couple of weeks though. Last message I got from her…” he strained himself as he scrolled back in his inbox; “’Thnx, money received. U is the best. C u at Mum’s bday xxx’”

“Money received?” Captain asked.

“Oh, I just sent a few pounds, she said she’d lost some of her pocket money and Alison wouldn’t give her more until the end of the month, so I said she could have a few from my betting account to buy some new shoes.”

“How many pounds?”

“Fifty.” At the group’s shocked response, he raised his palms in defence; “Oh c’mon, they’re rich as tits anyway! That’s pin money to them!”

“Yes, but Alison doesn’t want her to be spoiled!” Pat reminded.

Julian scoffed; “Then what’s the point of being a rich parent? That’s the real child abuse there! Honestly, I dunno why she bothered selling this place! She and Mike could be living sweet but instead they still insist on ‘working for a living’. Ugh, this is why plebs shouldn’t be allowed to win big money, it just doesn’t come natural to them.”

“To bring it back to your original point,” Thomas interrupted; “Mia texting you has nothing to do with you being the ‘cool uncle’, you just happen to be the only one of us who can use a mobile telephone and give her money!”

Julian shrugged; “Yeah? What’s your point? If that’s enough to win me the position of Best Uncle then there you go, I earned it!”

“Meanwhile, the rest of us don’t have anything to offer so we get forgotten about. Left at the side of the ballroom like a mere wallflower.” Fanny bemoaned, sitting at the windowsill.

Kitty and Robin both hummed, sadly, while everyone else (again, aside from Julian) stared morbidly into empty space.

“Well, that game certainly cheered us all up, thank you Patrick.” Captain snarked.

“Oi, I didn’t intend for-.”

“How about a round of ‘Grandma Went To The Shops’ to try to take our minds off of it, hmm?”

Robin went to stand up; “Me not have that long. There Zumba in ten min-.”

A key in the lock made them freeze.

“We’re not due for a clean, are we?” Captain asked to no one in particular, though everyone shook their heads, certain that Carla and Jane had already done a quick sweep today.

“Oooh, what if it’s Alison!? She’s come to surprise us!” Kitty jumped up, excited.

They usually made sure to check the bookings at reception at least once a day, for any sign of Alison’s name appearing, or sometimes they would just leave Humphrey on the front desk as he loved to watch the guests come and go, as well as overhear the gossip from the staff. Sometimes there would be the odd occasion where Alison would make an impromptu visit when she had a spare weekend, or just needed a quick break from the family, to spend some time with her ‘old crew’.

Whoever was turning the key in the lock seemed to be struggling, as if doing it for the first time. There was a bit of a knack to how it needed to be pushed in.

Finally, the door opened, and a girl with heavy eyeliner and torn grey jeans stumbled in.

“Oh no, they’ve let a prostitute into our…No, wait,” Fanny stood up, peering her eyes at the teenager; “Good gracious! Tell me that’s not Mia!”

“Mia!?” The others all cried out, everyone now on their feet.

An overnight bag stuffed with pyjamas, spare clothes and toiletries fell to the floor with a thump as the girl shut the door behind her. She was sniffling, wiping her damp face on the sleeve of her jacket, before leaning back against the wood. It was clear that she’d been crying, lines of coal black running down her cheeks.

She’d changed quite a bit since the last visit. Her hair had new braids, the style of which Fanny admired but detested the purple dye. Her makeup was thicker and her outfit more on the ‘goth’ side, though Julian had told Pat it was called something else now. Alt? He wasn’t sure. Regardless, underneath the outfit was the same girl they’d watched grow up from a tiny baby.

The ghosts approached her, full of worry, Kitty at the forefront.

“Oh dear. Whatever is wrong, Bumpy, sweetheart?” she asked her, not caring that she couldn’t be heard.

And yet Mia released a small sob at the question, gazing forward as if meeting her aunt’s eyes. Then she stepped forward and Robin reached to pull Kitty away before she got stepped through.

“Are you guys here? Grand Cap? Gran Fan? Aunties, Uncles?” The young girl asked, trembling a little. She moved towards two lamps that had been set up on a shelf at the side.

One was red, the other blue. Blue was the ‘yes lamp’ and red the ‘no lamp’.

It had been Mike’s idea, a handy way for him and Mia to communicate a little easier with the ghosts whenever Alison needed to leave them alone in the room. Quicker than waiting for Julian to type out every message for them on the laptop unless it was important. They were mainly for Robin to play with the bulbs but also had a button on each in case the caveman was out watching his mouse family and Julian needed to switch them on and off.

“Uncle Robin, please-.”

He raised his hands up, needing only a little energy to make the ‘yes’ light turn on.

Mia exhaled, as if she’d run all the way here from their cottage, which would have taken her a good hour or more on foot. Alison had never intended to move too far away, finding the best ghost-free home they could within driving distance of Button House.

“Is everyone here? Even Uncle Humphrey?” she asked.

“Humphrey present, Mia-moo.” The head chirped as Robin flickered the ‘yes’ light again.

Julian turned back to his phone, groaning as he tried to type as quick as he could.

Less than a minute passed before Mia’s mobile pinged and she read the message he sent.

Wot rong? X

“Is it Alison? Oh God, has something terrible happened?!” Kitty almost burst into tears.

“Is it Mike? Oh God, has something terrible happened?!” Thomas asked with glowing excitement, earning him a slap around the back of the head from Robin.

Mia glanced up from her phone, her eyes searching for them, unable to help looking through them. Her lip wobbled as she tried to form the words.

“I…” She whimpered, then tossed her phone onto the neatly made bedsheets; “I don’t wanna talk about it!”

The ghosts watched as the teenager threw herself down onto the pillows, burying her face in her arms and crying unabashedly. They looked between one another, unsure of what to do. They hadn’t seen Mia cry since she was eight and skinned her knee riding her bike on the grounds, and that had barely lasted more than a few sobs until she was back in the seat again, as resilient as her mother.

“Do we just…let her cry it out?” Pat asked, “Wasn’t that what the whole ‘self-soothing’ thing they did with Nancy was about?”

“Yes, except she was a baby at the time.” Captain reminded him.

“Also, it didn’t work. You all had yours truly to thank for that peaceful Christmas night, remember?” Julian said, smugly. “Not sure the same technique will work this time though.”

They all took a seat, either at the end of her bed or on the nearby chairs, watching her wail into the cotton covers.

After a few minutes, they began to feel a bit restless.

“My god, I didn’t know one person had so much water in them to cry this much.” Thomas uttered, checking the clock on the wall.

Kitty rolled her eyes, “Yes because you’re always able to reign your emotions in, aren’t you Thomas.” She wasn’t fond of using sarcasm but an afterlife with Annie, then the Captain and Julian, had worn off on her.

“I just wish we could ask her what’s wrong, so she knows we care, and she can tell us when she’s ready.” Pat said.

“Hmm. Can’t really do that with the lights. I keep telling Alison to teach the girl Morse Code but she won’t listen.” Captain stood, beginning to pace the room as he tried to think of a way for them to communicate with their niece.

With a snap of his fingers, the idea clicked into place.

“I’ve got it. Julian, turn on the bossy!”

“It’s Bosé.” He corrected, stepping over to where the tiny cd-less Walkman was perched in the black speakers; “And what exactly is the request?”

Mia was just about to lift her head up, desperate for a glass of water after dehydrating herself from all the crying, when the iPod screen flashed on across the room. She sat up, a little surprised at first, because she hadn’t been expecting it, even though she was more than use to strange things happening without warning in this room.

She watched as an invisible finger scrolled through a seemingly endless collection of songs, no doubt set up by her mum and dad. After what seemed like ages, it picked one, and pressed play.

A slow, gentle melody began to play from the speakers, eventually joined by soothing vocals.

Chiqitita, tell me what’s wrong?

You’re enchained by your own sorrow.

In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow.

She blinked, not having heard this song in years. The last time she’d heard it had probably been either in this room or that time her mum brought her here for that ABBA tribute night in the ballroom, being assured that Grand Cap and Uncle Pat had been very excited for it.

I can see that you’re all so sad, so quiet.

Chiqitita, tell me the truth.

I’m a shoulder you can cry on.

The ghosts began to sing a line each. Kitty shuffled as close as she could to the girl, wishing she could give her a hug.

“Your best friend, I’m the one you must rely on.” She softly sang.

Mia shuddered, wiping at her eyes, ruining her makeup even more so. Julian poked the box of Kleenex on the table so it slid across a few inches. She spotted it, managing the smallest of smiles, then reaching to take one and dab her eyes.

Creaking every joint in his knees, Captain moved to kneel in front of her, putting his hand up as if ready to catch some of the tears.

“Chiqitita, you and I know…” he crooned,

“How the heartache’s come and they go and the scars they’re leaving.” Thomas harmonised with him.

“You’ll be dancing once again and the pain will end.” Kitty continued, Fanny mumbling in a weak attempt to join in while restraining herself.

“You will have no time for grievin’.” Robin and Humphrey sang together.

Mia smiled through her tears, as if she could see them all there, making complete prats of themselves as they performed terrible karaoke to try to cheer her up. Perhaps she could remember how they used to perform for her when she was a pre-schooler. The silly dance routines and sketches they would put on, purely to make her laugh, so they weren’t just sat watching TV or YouTube.

Then she began to sing along with them, her hands raised up, almost perpendicular with the Captain as he knelt before her.

“Chiqitita, you and I cry,

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.

Let me hear you sing once more, as you did before.

Sing a new song, Chiqitita.”

They all joined in together, huddled close to her, as it reached its climax. Captain used his stick as a ‘magic wand’ for the second time, swirling it above Mia’s head.

“Shine once more, as you did before,

Sing a new song, Chiqitita.”

Julian lowered the volume as the song faded out. At least Mia was smiling now, even if the child was clearly still distraught over something. It can’t have been that disastrous if an ABBA song was able to lift her spirits, even just a little bit. Hopefully no recent deaths in the family.

Mia sniffled again; “….You were all singing with me, right?”

The ‘yes’ light flashed eagerly.

Mia chuckled; “You guys are so weird. Amazing, but so very weird.”

“We know.” They all agreed.

“Come on then. What’s wrong?” Julian asked, hoping the song was enough of a message without him needing to type it again.

After taking a few deep breaths, Mia began to explain.

Thankfully, no one had died. Well, no one except for Mia’s social status, so she claimed. Listening to the problems of a teenage girl was like watching the layers of an onion be slowly peeled away. Every time the ghosts came close to thinking they had begun to understand the main source of Mia’s upset, a new layer was revealed, and there were more players involved. Girls at school, potential boyfriends, friends who turned out to be enemies, betrayal and misunderstandings, the lot. It didn’t help that half the young-person-slang that Mia used was completely lost on the ghosts around her, some literally hundreds of generations apart. But they did their best to listen.

Eventually it came down to the core of the onion, as it were. The main reason why Mia was sat in the room of a golfing hotel and spa, mostly used by older people, rather than having fun hanging out with her mates or studying for her exams at home.

“I just had to get away from Mum.” She confessed, fingers gripping the bedsheets.

They all frowned at each other.

“Who would ever want to be away from Alison?” Kitty asked in disbelief, to which Thomas nodded.

“She hates me!” Mia continued, close enough to being an answer without hearing her aunt speak; “She told me that she wished I was never born!”

The ghosts all scoffed in disbelief. Alison would never say something like that in a million years!

Julian typed as quick as he could;

Wot she rly say?

A ping. Mia glanced at her phone.

“I mean it! That’s what she said!” She claimed, getting to her feet in frustration; “I mean…More or less. We were having a row because I got sent home from school after my big fight with Clarise. I was so angry with her because she was making out like it was all my fault! She just never seems to understand. And of course Dad always takes her side so he’s useless! Anyway, Mum kept going on about what a nightmare I am to live with at the moment and I said ‘well I wish I hadn’t been born at all so you’d be happy’ and then she said ‘y’know what? I sometimes wish the same’!”

“Ooooh.” The ghosts all cringed, feeling that one hit deep.

There was no denying that had definitely not been the best choice of words from Alison.

“She couldn’t possibly have meant that!” Fanny said, appalled.

“I ‘member her say mean stuff to us. Sourpuss. Major Can’t Sing. Captain Cave-prick. Wish you all go to Hell and leave me in peace.” Robin quoted from a distant past.

“That was back when we all hated each other, Robin.” Captain pointed out; “It’s a bit different now.”

“I know what you’re all saying, that she didn’t mean it,” Mia continued, making the others go quiet again; “And that’s what she kept saying as I went up to my room. Then I slammed the door and that pissed her off again because she screamed at me to stay up there. Only I didn’t. I snuck out the window and came straight here. Had just enough money left to pay for the room, for one night…”

“Aww, did you hear that?” asked Pat.

“I know. So very upsetting.” Kitty commented, rubbing a circle in the air above Mia’s shoulders.

“No, I mean, that last bit. She came straight here. To us…” He smiled, eyes shining with emotion; “Probably not best thing to focus on but, it’s just sweet.”

“Might just be because we’re closer than Mike’s family.” Julian pointed out.

“Maybe so, but they also don’t charge eighty pound per night.” The scout leader argued; “Let me have this!”

“I just needed somewhere to crash and then I’ll be gone tomorrow…” Mia wrapped her arms around herself; “I didn’t wanna try to use Mum’s discount unless they called her to check. I’ll just…try and see if one of my mates will let me sleep on their sofas…”

Every set of eyes from the dead residents turned to look at Julian.

The trouser-less man sighed, gritting his teeth as he routed all his energy into his finger.

A couple minutes passed before Mia’s phone pinged again.

I pay 4 u 2 stay as long as want. Order room service. U no card no. Go nuts. X

She beamed, looking up with that glimmer of childlike innocence still in her eyes; “Are you sure? Honestly?”

The ‘yes’ light flickered again.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you, Uncle Julian!” Mia bounced on her toes, clutching her phone like she was hugging the man himself; “Thanks, all of you. You’re the best!”

Robin sniggered, nudging Thomas; “You hear that? We the best!”

“We most certainly are not!” Fanny blustered, “We shouldn’t be encouraging this sort of behaviour! Alison must be worried sick! We should send the child home, or at the very least call her parents!”

Julian groaned, partly regretting ever having harnessed his powers.

GF say call mum. She worry. X

Mia frowned at her phone before looking up.

“Gran, I can’t! If she knows I’m here then she’ll call up reception and tell them to kick me out, you know she basically owns this room! Please don’t make me go back there, Gran, please!” She begged, looking almost in the correct position Fanny was standing.

The stern, older woman’s face cracked as Mia poured every ounce of feeling into that one word. Gran. It was enough to melt the sourpuss’ heart enough for her to back down.

“Well have it be known that I was in complete disapproval.” She stated, her hands in the air.

“I’m sure that won’t be hard to believe.” Humphrey muttered.

“For once, Fanny right.” Robin surprised everyone by saying; “No want Alison to think Mia not safe. Always worse not knowing.”

They couldn’t argue with that.

But before they could attempt to reason with Mia further on the matter, Julian’s phone began to ring.

The name ‘Alison’ flashed up on the screen.

“Is that Mum? She must know I’m here. I didn’t think she’d…” Mia panicked, sitting back on the bed, looking like no more than a scared little girl again.

Thomas and Kitty both sat close to her, either side, while Robin sat on the floor, close to her feet, hoping the little triangle of comfort they formed around her would mean something.

“What do I do?” Julian muttered to Captain and Pat.

“Answer, you idiot!” they responded, in unison.

Feeling more nervous than any of them had in the past sixteen years, Julian pressed the green symbol on the screen, the call automatically set on Speaker as it usually was, Alison being the only one to ever call his phone.

“Hello!” Julian tried to greet as casually as possible, with it ending up sounding ridiculously perky.

“Where – Is – She?” a furious voice demanded on the other end.

Mia turned to lay face down on the bed, taking one of the pillows and using it to cover the top of her head.

“Oh hi, Alison! It’s Alison, everybody!” Julian gestured to them.

“HI ALISON!” The other ghosts all called, each one of them terrible at acting nonchalant; “HOW ARE YOU?”

“Guys, I know she’s there!”

“Who’s there?” Pat asked.

“You know who! My daughter!” Alison sounded like she was clenching her jaw.

“What daughter? No one daughter here.” Robin said, flatly.

“Well actually I’m someone’s daughter and Fanny was someone’s daughter, once, I think, though obviously neither of us are Alison’s daughter, except for Mi-.” Kitty began to blurt out without control until the very last syllable.

Everyone stared at her. Way to give the game away.

“I knew it. I knew that’s where she’d go!” Alison said, bitterly; “We called Mike’s mum, Mike’s sisters, three of her friends’ houses and I knew there was only one other place she would go! You guys just make sure she stays put, I’ll be there to get her shortly!”

“Now, Alison, wait a moment.” Captain interjected, stepping close to the phone; “Perhaps it would be best to allow Mia to stay just one night. There’s clearly been a lot of upset at home and the poor girl looks like she could do with some…what’s the phrase…TCP.”

“That’s an antiseptic. You mean TLC.” Patrick corrected; “Tender loving care.”

“TLC? Are you joking?” Alison’s voice began to rise; “That ‘poor girl’ as you put it, broke another girl’s nose and then set fire to an expensive-as-fuck bike belonging to a different kid! Me and Mike are having to pay out a shit load to their parents to not get the police involved!”

“Not sure remember bit about bike fire.” Robin murmured.

“I think the little lady might have skimped on some details.” Said Humphrey.

“Anything else she happened to miss out? How about taking money from my purse and then leaving without so much as a note on the bed? How about giving me and Mike a heart attack thinking she was alone on the streets?!”

Julian, Pat and the Captain exchanged dubious looks. Fanny clicked her tongue.

“She told us it was her pocket money, Alison.” She sighed.

“I’m sure it was, once it was in her pocket, but before that it was in my handbag!” Alison responded, sounding extremely tired; “You see what I mean though? It’s nothing but lies from her lately! Lies and fighting and…I dunno, guys, I just don’t know what to do with her – Where has my little girl gone?!”

They all glanced over to the bed, where the sixteen-year-old lay curled up, knuckles turning white as she clung to the pillow over her head, tiny sobs echoing out from beneath. As far as they could all see, she was right there. Nothing about this frightened, broken-hearted child matched the chaotic monster that Alison seemed to be looking for.

“She told us she was being bullied. Was that also a lie?” Kitty asked.

“No, and…” Alison hesitated on the other end; “I know she’s having a rough time of it lately, there’s that whole big drama going on between her group of friends and those boys…I try my best to understand it and I try to be here for her, but it doesn’t excuse any of the things she’s doing!”

“We know that, Alison, but we all do stupid things as teenagers.” Pat tried to reason; “I once tried to impress this group of lads by stealing some chewing gum! I mean I were twenty-six at the time, not quite a kid, but they were just standing outside Co-Op being really intimidating. I paid for it double the next day, pretended it had fallen in my satchel. Felt unclean for weeks…”

“Not quite the same as destroying a bike though, is it Pat.”

“Pretty sure I remember a certain someone slashing someone else's bike tires…I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Julian smirked.

“That is…neither here nor there!” Alison objected, “And don’t you go texting Mia about that either! Speaking of which, don’t you pay for her to have any treats there, Uncle Soft Touch! I know she’s been getting you to send her money recently, I still have access to that account I set up for you!”

“It’s still my money and if I want to spoil my niece then I will! So there!” He said, petulantly.

“Oh, that’s it, isn’t it! This is where she’s been getting it from! For fu- Why didn’t I work it out earlier?! I should have never given her your phone number! There was me thinking you’ve changed but you’re still the same morally bankrupt, disgraced manslut who pushed me out of a window! Why the fuck did I think you could be trusted communicating with my daughter?!”

“Now hold up, Alison, that ain’t fair-.”

“With all due respect, Pat, this has nothing to do with you! In fact, it’s got nothing to do with any of you; it’s between me and Mia so either put her on the phone or back off!”

“Now see here!” Captain straightened up, addressing the phone as if it were his subordinate; “Mia is our grandchild-slash-niece. And right now, no matter what circumstances have gone on before, she is too upset to want to see you. So we are providing a safe environment for her to collect her emotions and calm down.”

“A safe environment? Cap, what are you on?” Alison groaned, “I am her mother, that is the safest environment there is!”

“Why you say you wish she not been born?” asked Robin.

“I…” The woman stammered, caught out; “…That’s not like she probably made it sound.”

“Did you say it?”

“…Yes. Yes I did.” She confessed, sounding close to tears; “But you guys have no idea what she’s been like lately! I swear, I’ve gained a whole extra layer of grey hair this month from dealing with her! Mike’s been so busy at work, I’ve been mostly handling it on my own, and there was just one second – one stupid second – where I remembered those few months before I was pregnant, when we were all back living in that house, and it was just us, our weird little family and I…I just wanted that back, because I missed how easy it was and…”

Everyone went quiet as Alison took a moment to collect herself before crumbling into a mess on the other end. The ghosts exchanged glances, not having heard her sound so stressed since before she moved out. She most definitely hadn’t described living with them as ‘easy’ back then.

 Mia shifted on the bed, slowly removing the pillow as she dared to listen to the rest of her mother’s call.

“…I messed up. Okay? There, I said it. I said a stupid thing that I didn’t really mean, but that doesn’t give her the right to punish me like this.” Alison finished.

“I don’t think she’s punishing you, Alison.” Fanny surprised everyone by defending her granddaughter; “She just wanted somewhere to come clear her head. Why not just take some time for you both to calm down and then we can discuss it properly tomorrow?”

“And in the meantime, she gets to laze about in a comfy room, renting movies and eating junk food like she’s on holiday?” Alison mocked, “No, I’m sorry, I’m not having it. She doesn’t get to cause us Hell and then go treat herself like a princess!”

“We’ll talk to her.”

“How, Pat? Oh wait, you can’t!”

The scout leader retreated, a little deflated. It was true, but the reminder never stopped hurting.

“I think what Patrick means to say is, we can look after her.” Captain explained, gently; “She can vent to us about her problems and take some time to reflect. While none of us are defending her actions, it sounds like she’s going through a lot and if what she’s searching for is simply some support and comfort than we’ll do our best to give it to her. That’s what we’re here for.”

A rather cold, disbelieving laugh echoed out from the speaker.

“For God’s sake, you must know that she's not there because she wants to spend time with any of you - it's just because she can't hear any of you tell her she's wrong!” Alison told them, blunt as can be.

The room had never fallen so quiet amongst the dead.

Everyone seemed to take a hit from the words, reeling back, mouths slightly agape. They glanced around at each other, recognising the same look of hurt sinking deeper with each passing second. Fanny huffed, grasping her hands at her front and looking to the window, while Kitty stared at her lap. Captain and Pat shared looks of morose acceptance. None of them could argue with the harshest of truths.

That was until Mia suddenly sat up, her face full of thunder. Robin shifted from her an inch as he felt the anger begin to radiate off her aura. She glared across at the phone.

“I…Again, I didn’t mean it to come out like that…” Alison’s voice rang out, quieter now, stumbling with regret; “Guys, I’m really sorry, I just meant-.”

As the young Cooper girl charged across the room, the ghosts swiftly parted out of her way before Mia snatched the phone up and pressed it to her ear.

“They deserve better than you, Mum!” She hissed down the line, tearfully.

“Mia-!”

Never had the red end-call button been pressed with such ferocity. Mia put the phone down and gave the table a good kick to vent her frustration some more.

Humphrey was the first to break the silence.

“Well. At least we know where we stand, ey.” He muttered, as dejected as the rest of them.

“She’s just upset, guys, we all say things we don’t mean when we lose our temper.” Pat tried to reassure, though didn’t sound too confident himself.

Fanny tutted from the window; “Well she hardly said anything incorrect, did she? I mean I very much doubt the child would be here if she could hear my disapproval of the emotional turmoil she’s caused her parents, or those ghastly things she’s wearing on her legs, or what she’s done to her nose!”

“Hey, I fully support my niece’s wrongs as well as her rights.” Julian boasted; “I like to believe she’d always come to me, knowing I’ll always have her back.”

“Nothing to do with you giving her full use of your debit card then?” Captain challenged.

Julian raised a finger, an argument waiting to appear on the tip of his tongue, before he conceded that the solider probably had a point.

Kitty sniffled; “Even if she is right…There was no need for her to say it like that.”

A grunt of agreement came from the caveman sat on the floor; “We only try to help.”

“Try as we might, it will always be for naught. We’re dead. Dead family members hardly make for the best of guardians, do they?” Thomas lamented.

Everyone nodded in unison.

Mia turned around, facing them all.

“You know she’s wrong, right?” She implored the room; “That’s not the reason I’m here, don’t believe her! She doesn’t know shit!”

“Language-!” Fanny began before groaning; “Oh why do I bother?”

Mia stepped forward, “Be honest. Do you think what she said was true?”

All eyes fell on Robin, who took a while to register that he was being looked to so the response could be delivered. He sighed and raised his fingers up, almost lazily, just enough to make the ‘Yes’ light flicker.

The teenager frowned, rubbing at her eyes and straightening up.

“It’s bullshit, okay! Sorry Gran Fan, but it is!” Mia began, passionate, just as Fanny looked ready to have a stroke; “I mean, yeah, sure, I like coming here for the quiet! I like that it’s not the same as when I go to Nana Betty’s and I got all these voices trying to talk over me because it gives me a chance to clear my head. But it’s also because I know that you all listen to me like none of them even try to do!”

They seemed to all share the same thought as they looked around at each other. Why wouldn’t they listen to her, if that was the least she needed from them, as well as the most they could give?

“And I know you can’t really do much else but I like to believe that you’re not all here with me now, listening to be rant on about my dumb teenage problems, because you’re forced to. I mean I can’t exactly stop you leaving the room, can I!” She gave a weak laugh; “I saw there’s a Zumba class downstairs, wouldn’t you rather go to that, Uncle Robin?”

The ‘no’ light flickered without missing a beat.

“Always next Tuesday.” He followed up for the others.

“You see?” Mia continued, “If I wanted to then I would just come here for the room and pretend none of you existed! But it’s not the room I’m here for. It’s all of you! Because I know that you’ll always be here for me!”

“Of course, we will!” Kitty exclaimed, “You can always come for sleepovers, just like the ones me and your mum have, and we can talk to each other about anything!”

“She can’t hear you, Kitty.” Captain reminded her, softly.

“I don’t care! She doesn’t need to, don’t you see?”

Kitty brushed her hand against Mia’s, just half an inch of skin passing between, and the teenage girl’s fingers curled slightly.

“…It’s like…I know I haven’t seen you or heard you talk for years but…I still feel you all.” She looked down at her hands; “…Auntie Kitty, was that you?”

Robin flashed the ‘yes’ light for her.

Mia’s face burst into a grin, tears of joy in her eyes, as she looked in Kitty’s direction, even though not quite able to make eye contact.

“Remarkable.” Captain uttered under his breath.

“Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m a Halloween baby, or maybe it’s because of Mum’s gift, I dunno.” Mia spoke, never looking away from her favourite aunt; “But I think it’s mostly because I remember you guys so well. I don’t care if Mum and Dad say I would’ve been too young to keep those sorts of memories! Maybe I dreamed them again, I don’t care. I remember! I remember you, Auntie Kitty, singing over my crib.”

“I did!” Kitty beamed.

“You were terrible.”

“I was! But I’ve been taking lessons, there’s a performing arts class that meets here on Saturdays, we should go together!”

Having missed the offer, but still sensing the bubbling joy of the presence beside her, Mia giggled before turning to look around the room for the others.

“I remember Uncle Pat and Grand Cap doing all the funny faces and silly voices.”

“Aww.” Pat blushed while the Captain cleared his throat.

“Silly? I’d say my babytalk was rather respectable for something so nonsensical.”

“It was a compliment, you burk.” Pat nudged his arm.

Mia turned, looking vaguely in the direction of the window.

“Gran Fan, you think I don’t remember you watching me take my first steps? And listening to you pester Mum about what clothes she was dressing me in, and what she was dressing herself in? Maybe it’s because it’s the only baby photo of me that has you in it, but it’s crystal clear in my head!”

A blush crept into Fanny’s cheeks as she shrugged; “Yes, well, I should have given up trying to help you both look somewhat respectable then! Oh…I would very much like to see that photograph…”

“I’ll remind Alison to bring it next time she visits. That’s if she does come back after this.” Julian said, leant back with his arms folded.

“And Uncle Julian…I know me and you are lucky, ‘cause we get to text each other easier, but believe me – I don’t just love you for your debit card.” Mia grinned.

The disgraced politician cheered, “Haha, told you! Chew on that, losers.”

“You reply to all of my messages almost as quick as Mum or Dad do, way quicker than Nan at least, which is super impressive considering how hard it is for you to type!”

Everyone gave Julian a look of mild surprise at that. Julian Fawcett; Uncle Reliable? That seemed incongruous to the morally corrupt, selfish womaniser they knew and loved.

He cleared his throat, proud and yet bashful; “Well…I couldn’t be there for Rachel when she was growing up. I’d like to think, as bad as I was at the nappy changes and…everything else, I could at least have been relied on for money when she needed it…and a chat with her old man when she was feeling lost.”

A fond snigger came from Robin before he started to sing in a teasing tone; “Julian has a heart! Julian has a heart!”

“Shut it, Ape.” Julian squirmed, then waving his hand at all of them smirking at him; “All of you, stop giving me that look!”

“Yeah, I can imagine you’re all taking the piss at him about that, aren’t you.” Mia laughed, as if feeling the ambience in the room begin to lighten; “And Uncle Thomas.” The poet stepped in front of her; “Did Mum ever tell you how I’d show girls in primary school a picture of your portrait and tell them you were my boyfriend?”

“Yes, I believe she did once. And as flattered as I am, dear Mia, I hope you come to accept that my feelings for you can never be anything more than the deepest, paternal-.”

“What a dumb kid thing to do! Am I right?” Mia began to chuckle.

Thomas’ smile faltered before he nodded, backing off, aloof.

She turned to look towards the bed, or rather the foot of it; “Uncle Robin? Whenever the other kids talked about all the cool pets they had - dogs and cats and bunnies, y’know - it was so hard not to brag to them about how I had a fricken’ caveman who could play chess and has electricity powers! That’s the coolest pet any girl could have!”

“Feel like me should be insulted but…” Robin shrugged, smiling to himself; “Me am pretty cool, so.”

Mia grinned; “And don’t worry, Uncle Humphrey, I haven’t forgotten you.”

“She’d be the first.” The head of the Tudor knight muttered from the dresser.

“You guys are all as real to me as anyone else! Mum always said she never wanted to hide you from me, the same as she hides you from other people, because we’re family.” Mia explained to them; “Isn’t this what family is supposed to be about? Having someone to come to when you need them? That’s what you said to Mum, wasn’t it? When you convinced her and Dad to move out? That just because you lived apart didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be there for her when she needed you…”

A murmur of agreement vibrated throughout the group, their hearts aching as they remembered that day when they’d made the hardest decision of their afterlives.

“I know I’m not Mum and I can’t know you as well as she does but…” Mia’s voice faltered, “…I need you. And you’re here for me too…Right?”

She looked towards the lights, holding her breath as she waited for the ‘yes’ to flicker.

A pause.

Julian strained for the iPod instead, scrolling through until he found the appropriate track. There really was only one suitable response.

Nine familiar chords thumped through the room, making Mia jump a little, before she recognised the tune. Her grin widened as the ‘yes’ light flickered wildly to the beat of the song.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

Heart swelling with love, Mia clapped four times, confident that the dead people around her were doing the same. She wasn’t as much of a fan of this old show as her mum was but it always held nostalgic value to her, memories of coming here as a kid and being stuck inside because of the rain, passing the time by sitting on the bed in Mum’s lap, knowing her aunts and uncles were sat around them even when she had lost her Sight, laughing along with all of them to jokes she was too young to understand.

She removed her jacket and tossed it over a chair before kicking off her shoes, taking the song as her sign that she was more than welcome to stay here.

“Honestly, what is the coat rack even for?! Teenagers!” Fanny bemoaned, watching by the side as the others got to their feet, surrounding Mia.

Throwing all concern about noise level and other guests aside, Mia began to dance like a little kid again, bouncing to the song and riding the jovial energy of the spirits around her. They sang along with her to the chorus, giving their explicit answer to her question, as if she still needed it.

“I’ll be there for you,
When the rain starts to pour.
I’ll be there for you,
Like I’ve been there before!”

Fanny would never debase herself with such movements, such poor excuse for ‘dancing’, but she can’t resist smiling at the glow of happiness on her surrogate grand-daughter’s face as she watched the rest of them jump and twist and ‘boogie’ as Mia was doing. Even the Captain threw aside any remnant of dignity for the sake of joining in the fun.

Grabbing her hairbrush, Mia jumped onto the bed for the middle-eight, turning towards the space where she imagined the ghosts to be dancing. She mimicked holding a microphone as she sang along.

“No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me.”

She held the mic to them, trusting they’d follow.

Thomas took a line; “Someone to face the day with.”

Then Robin; “Make it through all the rest with.”

Kitty sang, pitch high enough to shatter glass on the physical plane; “Someone I’ll always laugh with!”

And to everyone’s surprise, Captain stepped in to deliver the finale line of the bridge; “Even at my worst, I’m best with yooooooou.”

The others all gave him a cheer, Pat giving him a few light slaps on the back.

“Yes, yes, thank you, quite.” Captain smirked, adjusting his collar.

Fanny rolled her eyes; “Absolute degenerates.”

Mia simply giggled, not even thinking there was the slightest possibility that she was just a deluded teenager dancing alone in an empty hotel room. Impossible, when she could feel their laughter, their singing, their cheers, as if it were the heartbeat of the house itself.

This was the one and only place on Earth where she could never feel alone.

“I’ll be there for you!

I’ll be there for you!

I’ll be there for you!”

She put the hairbush-mic to her lips, happy tears shining as she sang to them; “’Cause you’re there for me too…”

*

It’s past midnight when the TV turns itself off, an hour after the occupants in the room have fallen asleep. Mia had talked them into binge watching the latest Netflix series she was into, a comedy drama about kids attending a high school, only with the twist being that everyone is a zombie. And, of course, very horny. Fanny had thought the plot sounded ridiculous but then found herself more intrigued as to how walking corpses would still be able to perform ‘the act’. The others had all thought that Mia was lucky she couldn’t hear her questions about it.

Empty plates, trays, chocolate-wrappers and half-empty bottles of sprite filled the side tables. All paid for by Uncle Julian as expected, who had to be reminded by Pat to draw the line at allowing Mia to order wine up to the room.

Despite some of them getting into the series, especially Kitty who was drawn to the love triangle subplot between the zombies and the goblin, they had done more than just sit and watch TV with their niece until she fell asleep. At one point, during a scene where the main character was being bullied, Mia began to speak about how a gang in her school had done something similar. Only instead of cutting her head off with a machete, they had thrown paint over her hair.

“Oh, that’s wicked!” Kitty had almost cried.

Pat shook his head; “Kids can be so cruel.”

“Want me to eat them for you? Because me will eat them for you.” Robin offered. She’d have to find a way to bring the bullies here, then kill them, then make sure they become ghosts…It would be a bit of a hassle but he would make it work.

They had to settle for Julian texting her an abridged version of their feelings.

U beter than them. They jel. U cool, they drool. :p We luv u. Ur Ghost Fam xxx

It had been enough to make the girl smile as she looked at her screen.

“I love you all too.” She’d whispered.

She’d made sure they all got into their designated positions around her, so she’d be able to picture in her head where they were as she went to sleep. Kitty was snuggled against her side, of course, while Thomas was on the other though with a bit more distance between them. Cap and Pat had a seat either side of the bed, while Fanny relaxed on the sofa. Robin curled up in his usual spot around her feet, while Humphrey’s head had been placed at her side, just as when she was little and had pretended he was like a toy she could take to sleep with her, though never touching. Just a comfort blanket…head.

That’s exactly how Alison found them when she quietly unlocked the door with her key and crept her way in. The curtains were open, moonlight streaming in to illuminate the sight that awaited her. Her eyes passed over the absolute mess that she was more than used to now from living with a teenager, over towards the cluster of bodies laid on the bed.

She smiled, heart throbbing at the sight, wishing she could take a picture. If she had the tools and the time she’d paint a portrait or even sketch it; anything to immortalise the precious moment.

Her beautiful daughter lay in the middle of the bed, mouth hanging open, dressed in her favourite pyjamas to do with that stupid zombie show she loves. All the anger and resentment that had boiled Alison’s blood earlier that day had faded to a distant memory. All she saw was the perfect little girl that her and Mike had somehow, miraculously, managed to bring into the world and, even more surprising, keep alive and well and happy…enough. At least until these teenage years made everything a little more difficult. No, a lot more difficult. Impossible, almost. Yet there she was. Safe.

Safe and surrounded by family. Kitty and Thomas at each side, snoozing away, Captain and Pat nearly falling out of their chairs, both with their heads back and mouths open, snoring rather loud. Robin let out a sleepy growl as his hands and feet twitched, scurrying at thin air, most likely chasing squirrels in his dreams as usual. Julian sat on the floor, back against the divan, mumbling whenever Robin’s foot would lightly collide with his hair. Humphrey was murmuring to himself as his head lay on its side, close to Mia’s arm. The couch where Fanny lay had been pulled up closer to the bed. The Edwardian lady slept like a log and would do for another few hours until her screaming would serve as a fitting alarm clock for the rest of them.

There it was. Her wonderful, bonkers family.

She’d meant to arrive sooner but there had been an accident on the roads, keeping her in gridlock for over an hour. The plan had been to get here while they’d all still be awake, so she could have a proper talk to her daughter now that her temper had cooled. And then, once that was settled, she could deliver a well-rehearsed and heartfelt apology to the ghosts.

Looking at them now, no one could ever question the true reason why her daughter had chosen to come here. To come home.

“Thanks guys.” Alison whispered, softly, stepping back out the room; “See you in the morning.”

.