Work Text:
1980
Seven year old Mitchell flinched as the tablecloth was lifted. He held his breath before realizing the legs were much too small to be anyone else but her. The blonde peeked under with a smile. She said nothing as she joined him under the table, putting an arm around him. Silent tears dripped as he hugged her, the scent of vinegar and vomit reached her and she wrinkled her nose. She held him, saying nothing until the smell became unbearable.
“Did you throw up?” She asked. Her brother nodded. “Grandfather said you were eating his chips and he wanted you to finish it if you wanted them so badly…what really happened?”
“No one telled me it was his…and I ate one ’n it was gross. I spit it in the trash and he made me take it back out and eat it.”
“Gross. Then he made you eat the rest of the bowl?” Mitch nodded. “I’m sorry, baby brother. If I was there, I would tell him I made you eat one.”
“I was scared if I didn’t do it, he would do the belt again.”
“I wish I knew what to do. I wish I did.” The nine year old said. She picked up a napkin he accidentally knocked down and wiped his face with it. “I have an idea.” She said, looking at the crumpled napkin. “What if this is our secret code when we need to talk? We drop a napkin and meet under the table?”
“It almost feels safe under here…okay.”
…
Christmas 1987
They’d met a few times under the tabletop when under high stress or just needing a moment, then came the month after Claire had been caught skinny dipping in someone’s pool with her then boyfriend.
“UGH, trapped in this stupid house with her for THREE WEEKS!” Claire groaned, flopping onto Mitch’s bed. He rolled his eyes.
“And this meltdown can’t happen on your bed because…”
“Because she’s going through my closet to get rid of everything she thinks is provocative and refuses to let me even think about what I want…I won’t survive summer.”
“She won’t hassle you all summer-”
“Stop being a mama’s boy for two minutes.” Claire grumbled. She got up and left the room.
Mitch sighed. He felt bad and went out the door to look for her when his dad came home. His aunt Becky was here for Christmas. He cringed and tried to take the long way around, but she saw him and demanded that he come hug her. He did and she complained about him not giving good hugs and how thin he was.
He tried to just act how she wanted, but even then, she found things to complain about. His cousin bumped him harshly and he almost fell over. She insisted her little boy did nothing wrong which started an argument between her and Jay. Then Dede became involved and tried switching the conversation to Claire. Brian tried following Mitch around but then got distracted by games. Mitch went to the dining room and saw a napkin on the floor. He made sure no one was watching and crawled under.
“Took you long enough.” Claire said in undertone.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For not being on your side…I just-it feels like sometimes Mom’s the only one who can comfort me. But-this is a different kind of comfort.”
“Maybe our signal is the comfort you actually need.”
“Maybe…or maybe I’m weak.”
“You kinda are, but that’s why I’m here. Until you grow a backbone, of course.”
“You sure that’ll happen?”
“Gotta have some hope, right? Otherwise everyone in Star Wars would’ve just given up.”
“I thought you weren’t a fan.” Mitch said, nudging her.
“I gave you free rein of the tv when I caught that cold in July. It was your birthday anyway and Mom was making me feel bad enough about ruining your special day.”
Mitchell frowned. That wasn’t how he remembered it. Then again, he was avoiding his sick sister and he hadn’t wanted much of a fuss anyway.
“Um…I don’t remember-”
“Snide commentary when you weren’t around. Wake up, one day, will you?”
“But what if she’s all I have one day?”
“You’ll always have me and our signal.”
…
April 1999
Those words had been hard to keep up with both kids going to college, Mitchell’s coming out, Jay and Dede’s divorce, and their kids choosing sides. Plus the fact that Claire had three kids and Jay wasn’t all too happy about her getting pregnant in ’93. He loved his grandkids and tolerated Phil, but anyone could see he had a certain dislike for Phil.
Jay had grudgingly started accepting his son around him after an undisclosed interaction with Claire. Things had been broken in Jay’s house, but he showed no outward sign of injury. The siblings met under the table when Jay made a homophobic comment about Phil being a cheerleader and Mitch retaliated to defend his brother in law.
Completely fed up with his father’s attitude and actions, he wanted to leave the Dunphy house, but Claire refused to let him go in his emotional state. So while the party moved, Mitch stayed in the dining room. Claire finished telling off her dad and went into the kitchen when she saw the napkin. At first, she thought it was one of the kids, but then saw a pair of legs drawn. She crawled under the table to find her brother.
“It’s been a minute.” Claire said.
“Yeah…backbone didn’t last long.” Mitch mumbled into his knees.
“But you have one, so just strengthen it. You’ll get there.”
“I was right, you know. Mom was the only person I had. I know you accepted my coming out, but the divorce...”
Claire’s stomach twisted. He was right, they’d chosen sides and they knew they shouldn’t have. They should’ve left it to them and stuck together.
“I’m sorry.”
“He hates me. He hates me and for a minute, I thought you did. I thought…I thought maybe-maybe this was stupid. I shouldn’t come under the table…but you-you came…”
“I wish I could’ve done this a lot sooner. Make him see what he was doing to you.” Can you ever see what Mom does to me?
“He still doesn’t see it.”
“I know. But I answered the call. Not all hope is lost. You have me, Phil, Teddy, and though I hate to admit it, Mom.”
Mitch looked at her with red rimmed eyes. “Teddy and I broke up in November…”
“I know that, I just meant he's still friendly and willing to help...and you could've come to me. Why didn't you?” Claire hugged him.
“Luke.”
“Mitchell, I might not have been able to crawl under the table at nine months pregnant, but I still would’ve sat and ate feelings in ice cream with you. That’s basically what I was doing.”
“Can we still do that?”
“Absolutely…I answered the signal. I still remember that day. The smell of vinegar and vomit I wiped from you.” Mitch shuddered. Claire stroked his hair. “But I remember the promises two scared children made. We’re still scared children, aren’t we?”
“Broken.”
“It does get better. I feel I can protect my kids knowing I protected you. Even though there are parts where I failed, that’s-that’s part of being a parent. Sometimes you’ll fail, but you’re also there when it counts.”
“I will never be a good parent…”
“You’re a good uncle. I think you’d be a good parent. You’d have to have a partner though, you’d struggle on your own. But that boyfriend will be there when it counts like me.”
…
November 2001
It had been Claire who dropped the napkin, noticing the tension and fear Mitch had. The kids’ voices unnerved him and Jay wasn’t helping by basically insulting Phil. Mitch couldn’t defend him this time. Couldn’t defend anyone, let alone himself. Then there was the guilt Claire felt. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she harbored guilt over not noticing her brother had run out instead of under the table. She hadn’t been able to stop him and he had been through hell.
Shaking, Mitch hugged her when he got there. He cried as quietly as possible. No words were exchanged, he’d already said them all. Already poured out everything to her. She understood, holding him, stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head. There had been no rule spoken or unspoken about how loudly one was to cry under the table following the signal. Mitch had been conditioned over the first ten months of the year to cry quietly. It had been noticed many times, but sometimes he could get away with it.
Surges of anger and guilt filled her as she saw the scars. Remnants of the abuse her brother had gone through. That she had failed to stop. She knew she’d have failings, but this felt like an entirely different failure. It wasn’t just a bump in the road or a step back. It felt like a cataclysmic event. Her brother’s entire world perception, entire life had been turned upside down and shaken violently, then slammed around and shattered. And she hadn’t noticed him leave. The only consolation she had was that he picked up the phone and told her he had a boyfriend. Said ‘boyfriend’ was upset he did so, but Claire was glad. She feared what might’ve happened if he’d said nothing. She didn’t think she could’ve survived if things had gone even worse than they did. If the little redheaded boy she swore to protect had died, she didn’t know if she’d have the heart to go on.
…
2005
They met again briefly a couple times, but didn’t mention 2001. They didn’t need to.
A snide commentary on Cam’s hand movements set off protective Mitchell who yelled at his dad. Then Claire became involved when Cam tried to interject and was shut down by Jay. It had technically started with Cam cooking dinner for them, Claire, and Phil. The Dunphy kids had been at friends’ houses, so it was just the adults at Mitch and Cam’s.
Cam hadn’t batted an eye when Jay insulted his cooking, though he did have a slight frown when in the kitchen. He put on his happy face when coming back out, determined not to let Jay bother him and show everyone that he truly cared for Mitchell and his family. Then what further angered Mitch was when Jay said that Cam acted like a girl and that made sense for Mitch. Then Phil tried to butt in and Jay started yelling at him, prompting Cam to come to his defense. Claire made eye contact with her brother and nodded. He dropped his napkin and both of them went under.
“I liked his poutine.” Claire said.
“Why is Dad trying to scare Cam off? He doesn’t even know him.” Mitch complained.
“It could be for the same reason he still doesn’t like Phil-”
“Okay, you know that sounded dumb. I can’t get pregnant. It’s always been because of being gay.”
“It did sound dumb.” Claire admitted. “I usually go for more subtle threats, but honestly, Cam doesn’t seem to need to be threatened.”
“He doesn’t.” They saw chairs moving back and feet leaving. Phil and Cam were trying to talk to Jay as he headed out the door.
“So, he’s not forcing you to do anything or…”
“No, actually, I-um…we might’ve-the night Cam tried to get us to talk before it rained-”
“Do I want to hear it?”
“Nothing happened.” Mitch said with a smile. “And it’s because I asked.”
“But I know something did happen sometime after that.” Claire nudged him with a sly smile on her face. “Getting heated in the summer.”
Mitch’s cheeks turned pink. “O-only-it wasn’t anything all the way-I-when I said I was done, he was okay with it. He respected that.”
“Good. I don’t really want the ins and outs of your sex life, I just want to know he’s respecting you.”
“I am.” They jumped, seeing Cam’s face. “Secret club?”
“Something like that.” Claire said.
“I meant when I said I’m serious about Mitchell. I love him and I do want to be part of your family. Jay doesn’t scare me as much as you do.”
“Aw, Cam, that’s lovely.” There was no trace of sarcasm in her voice.
“When you want to come up, there’s still dinner.” Cam sat back down. Phil peeked under to check and Claire said she was fine.
The siblings sat at the table a few minutes later.
“They’ve always done that, I don’t question it. It seems personal.” Phil told Cam. He smiled at Claire who held his hand.
“It is a personal thing.” Mitch said. “It’s something of a safety zone. When everything becomes too much-”
“Drop the signal.” Claire said, holding up her napkin.
“I get that. I’m glad you guys have that.” Cam said.
“It’s nothing against you guys-” Mitch began. Cam took his hand and he stuttered.
“Honey, I get it. You don’t have to try to explain it to me. If you need me to give you more time or distraction, I’ll do it. I want you to feel safe and that means not messing with any healthy safety or coping mechanisms you have.”
“Thank you.”
…
January 2009- The Incident
Over the last four years, they hadn’t felt the need for the signal. Mitch felt confident in sharing with his boyfriend his feelings. They understood each other more and Cam had been surprised that the signal wasn’t sent out again since then.
A very clearly drunk and confused Dede was still kicking and slurring her words as Phil, Mitch, and Cam dragged her out. She was starting to lose consciousness. Phil and Cam agreed to drive her home, Phil driving her car and Cam taking his own car with Dede in it. He could take whatever she could verbally dish out better than Phil, not that she was in any condition to do so.
Trying to contain his trembling, Mitch entered to chaos. Gloria’s family was in an uproar and Claire was being bombarded by comments and questions by them and by her kids. She saw her brother and quickly flashed the napkin, dropping it to the ground with pleading eyes. Mitch nodded and swiftly asked his nieces to go console Jay and Gloria and Luke to go talk with Manny. Then he asked the Colombian relatives to get a backup cake even if it wasn’t as good as the wedding cake. As soon as her kids weren’t looking and the swarm dissipated, Claire ducked under the table. Mitch joined her, puffing out a heavy breath.
“I hate you.” Claire snapped. “The hell did you have to bend over backwards for her and let her come to the wedding for?”
“I-I thought she genuinely wanted to-”
“Stop sucking up to her. I put up with her today for you and Dad…which is why I got her three drinks. I thought she could handle it-what?” She caught Mitch’s horrified expression.
“I-I gave her three drinks at the bar-did we just get our mother wasted?”
“Would she have been better off sober?” Claire asked.
“Not with at least six drinks in her. I swear I saw Phil getting her to drink…we got her wasted.”
“So you admit she’s not better sober. She hates Gloria. I have my reservations about her, but at least I’m being nice to her face.”
“Well that’s the wedding ruined even if they find a great cake.” Mitch sighed.
“Yeah. I feel bad that the kids witnessed that.”
“I hope my kid never has to witness her craziness.”
“Your kid?” Claire’s brow rose.
Mitch cleared his throat. “Future kid. One I’d have in the future. At some point.”
“And to think, just a decade ago, you were adamant about being child free.”
“Cam and I talked about it like we talk about marriage. With hope, but knowing it was out of our reach…impossible.”
“Legally, you can adopt or have a surrogate carry your kid. That’s more possible than marriage. But the main question is, what would you do about Crazy Nana?”
“Not call her that because she’s not crazy, she’s just-uh-”
“Off her rocker?”
“That’s the same thing, Claire.”
“I think she’s more honest when she’s drunk.” Claire shrugged. “Tells you off for ‘taking a Claire pill’ like she isn’t the one who made me like this. She did it to you, too, except the opposite. She made you dependent on her.”
“I’m financially independent. Cam and I split-”
“Nah, not talking about that. You’re too emotionally dependent on her and I know I’m partially to blame for it. I guess both of us are just trying to find stability.”
“Claire, she’s our mother.”
“Mitchell, she doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“I know she cares about you. She didn’t ask you for an invitation-”
“That’s knowing she can’t get to me like she does to you. I-Mitchell, I think this is the last signal…it had to stop eventually and-and we’re not kids anymore. I can’t…I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. This support while you technically don’t support me.”
“Claire-”
“After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me. I-I’m done here.” Claire left. Mitch made to follow, but she hurried towards Jay.
He went back under the table and cried. No one bothered him. No one even noticed. He was there for a while, listening to people leaving. Then Cam crawled under.
“Hey, so your mom’s sleeping it off and Phil’s keeping an eye on her.” He said. “Claire supposed to meet you here?”
“Never again…I screwed up, Cam.”
“How so? Did you-” Cam lowered his voice to a whisper. “Did you tell her about our Vietnam trip?”
“Almost, but that’s not where I screwed up…there’s something…I know she’s right about it, but-it-I don’t know. I can’t-I can’t let go…I can’t.”
“What can’t you let go of?”
“She’s my mom, Cam.”
“Oh…ohh, I-I really don’t want to poke my nose into all that.”
“You love gossiping.”
“I do, but this feels different.”
“She was wasted…” Mitch mumbled. “She was just-Claire and I gave her a few drinks at reception…”
“Oof, Phil told me he gave her a few. She was definitely wasted.”
“She-she’s my mother…”
“I get that, but was she really a mother?”
Mitch was stumped by that question. Was Cam really asking if she was his mother like she wasn’t? It felt odd. Cam shrugged and said he was going to help move the wedding gifts. He was by himself again.
Cam never brought up that question again nor elaborated. Mitch thought maybe Claire wasn’t angry after a while. She did bake and bring a cake without having any idea that they were surprising the family with Lily. Claire didn’t bring it up either. Maybe it was all part of wanting to forget The Incident.
Over the next three years, Claire and Mitch started to grow closer, having aired out some of their issues. Though they never got to the root of their problems, they promised to be on each other’s teams.
…
February 2012
The arguments flared up, Claire part of it. The whole thing was a disaster from a night of drinking after a solid good day for Phil and Claire. Being wasted clearly did not give way to proper thought about the one golden moment of the Dunphy kids that hadn’t been seen in ages and how it was one of those fleeting moments that would break the next time one of them gets annoyed.
Mitch didn’t know where to toss in his two cents which was ‘STOP ARGUING’ but everyone else was louder and outnumbered him. He hoped maybe after three years, she would still answer the signal even though she said she was done. He made eye contact, mouthing the word ‘please’.
For a split second, he feared she wouldn’t answer. She would give him a scathing look to remind him how his turbulent feelings surrounding their mother had damaged their relationship. How picking sides hurt them so badly they refused to put both their parents in a critical lens for a minute. He hurt her and she still defended him when it came to their father, though he didn’t feel he ever deserved it. But the signal, their safety, he’d ruined it. He’d ruined it for good and she was never coming-
The red napkin dropped. They acted at the same time, crawling under the table as the family argued.
“Oh wow, when’s the last time we did this?” Claire asked.
“Dad and Gloria’s reception.” Mitch replied. When I hurt you and you said you were done.
They talked about it and came to the conclusion that they couldn’t do it. Claire knew she couldn’t give her brother a child knowing half her DNA was ten minutes away from her. She’d feel emotional attachment even if she wasn’t carrying the child. Her admonishing her dad saying ‘what if we wanted to’ didn’t hold water, she just wanted him to leave them alone.
“So, baby or no baby?” Cam asked.
“No.” Mitch mumbled.
Cam nodded respectfully and told everyone it wasn’t happening and to disperse. The siblings stayed for a while longer.
“I thought maybe…you wouldn’t answer.” Mitch sniffled.
“You’re my baby brother.” Claire said. “And part of my response to all this is because-because you’re still somewhat that scared seven year old I have to protect. I love you and Cam, you know that. I just don’t think I could give you a kid knowing they’re biologically half mine. I’d feel a responsibility to mother them and you’d want your kids to have influences from women in their lives. And you know kids, once they find out I’m technically their mother, they probably wouldn’t let it go and that would hurt you even more. Remember how much you freaked out when you thought Lily’s first word was ‘mommy’? This would hurt you guys even more and I can’t do that. I have to protect you. We’ll talk about Mom another time, but that’ll be a serious talk.”
“Okay.”