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*The following shows interspersing clips of various news broadcasts - CNN, ABC, and the more local Hatchetfield Morning News.*
“ They’re calling it ‘a thrilling experience like no other’-- ”
“ I tell you, I’m standing here myself and I can assure you, no one wants to leave this park! Haha! ”
“ And premiering in our humble town is something that certainly has the world’s eyes OPEN! ”
The year is 1996. The American people had become inundated with mass-produced recreational experiences. Whether it was interactive play places, arcades, and the further expansions of Great America and the Disney brand, the market had become incredibly saturated. If someone wanted to break into the highly lucrative theme park bubble with the likes of Jerry Levin, Nolan Bushnell, Tom Williams, and technically Michael Eisner, they were either going to have to sell out or make thrills the public had never seen before.
And the general public would get those thrills…in an unlikely source that put one tiny town on the map.
“ Hatchetfield, Michigan !”
“In Hatchetfield, Michigan!”
“ And if you can still ‘snig’ yourself a ticket, head on over to Watcher World at the Hatchetfield Boardwalk and have yourself a day worth WATCHING! ”
Watcher World, a theme park built upon the previously humble Hatchetfield Boardwalk, did not seem like the primary place to build a nation-famous theme park for several reasons. First of all, the location. Though it is labeled as a “tiny town” on tourism websites, it is an island, with its only thoroughfare being the Nantucket Bridge - not necessarily an ideal selling point for the masses outside its borders. Secondly, the boardwalk was a relatively old structure, being built in 1911 by Matthias and Agatha Waylon. These two rich landowners owned and refurbished most of Hatchetfield into the town it is today. Though many of the other places they built were refurbished and kept up over the years, the Boardwalk lay practically untouched, which made it a tall order for the new proprietors to create attractions safely.
But despite the odds and safety threats stacked against it, Watcher World became a massive hit in Michigan and the surrounding midwestern area within a week of opening and shattered everyone’s expectations. Word of mouth spread the news of the new thrilling theme park like wildfire. Guests were calling it “a cathartic experience like no other” and reporters said that it had “the mechanics and danger of a seaside funfair with the stylistic sensibilities of Disney”.
It seemed the park was to join the ranks of family fun entertainment… until its 10th anniversary, where it shut down without any warning whatsoever.
At least that’s what the press have covered. But behind the now-peeling purple facade of Watcher World’s main gates is a history that few have researched, a legacy short yet rich in its odd closure and the months leading up to it.
What exactly happened? Was the Tear Jerker ever up to code? And why did this doll ever appeal to people?
*Cut from footage to show a shot of Kevin holding a Blinky doll*
Don’t ask how much I paid for this on Ebay.
Today on Defunctland, we’ll answer these questions and more. I’m Kevin Perjurer and this is “The History of Watcher World”.
–
There were two main appeals to Watcher World, and these two tenets helped draw in some of the biggest demographics: families, and teens. The kids and their parents, which is to say, the kids, were drawn in by the mascot that plastered himself all over the marketing and theming of the park: the purple, furry, Muppet-esque monster known as Blinky. The eponymous “watcher” of the park, his presence formed the story and adventures the park’s live shows were later based around, as well as the attraction names consisting of many, many bad eye puns.
The story of the alleged fictional opening of Watcher World went as follows (quote from the Watcher World brochure, archived from 1998):
“Blinky, on his long-standing quest to find the perfect place to find the best entertainment for his hungry eye, founded Watcher World at a place to look down at all the fun of the humans within the park! Help Blinky be happy by having a Day Worth Watching!™”
The popularity of Blinky only surged higher with the massive deluge of merch the park had bearing his face…er, eye… on it.
Blinky was not alone in his pursuits, however. There were also the Sniggles, a large ensemble cast of Smurf-like creatures living in the idyllic realm of Drowsytown and working to make sure Blinky’s theme park ran smoothly. These were played by human face actors with monster-bird-esque costumes, and sometimes portrayed as more Muppety creatures in promotional art. This interactive element of adding the theme park as a story beat allowed younger guests to feel as if they were part of the fun. If a child in the park that day did an action that was deemed “helpful” to the Sniggles, they would be given an “Honorary Sniggle” button, which acted as a front of the line pass for the next ride they went on.
The Sniggles joined Blinky in 1998 as Watcher World began to implement its recurring live show “Blinky’s Watch Party: A Musical Extravaganza Through Drowsytown!”. While this did not contain Blinky himself, it features the Sniggles facing off creatures within Drowsytown in order to please their boss.
The amount of live shows such as fireworks and interactive events would continue to grow during the late 90’s and early 2000’s.
But content for small children and teens were two very different matters. Fortunately, Watcher World had quite a few ways to attract a notably notorious demographic to get interested in theme parks.
*cue news footage of screaming teens going down the Tear Jerker*
“ It’s official! Clocking in at a whopping 425 feet, the Tear Jerker has the tallest drop in the US. I’m screaming just thinking about it. ”
The Tear Jerker served as a challenge any self-respecting reckless teen would want to have a go at, and the ride became the hit of the summer. A metal coaster on an old wooden boardwalk of that height surprisingly raised no safety concerns from the presses. And even at the point where someone with a pre-existing heart condition died on the ride and the park had to put up cautionary signs, this only grew the mythos and intrigue with adolescent audiences.
Additionally, Blinky’s Funhouse also served as a popular hotspot for teenagers as its nooks, crannies and dark areas were a prime spot to…round the bases. I suppose Blinky was alright watching that.
From the outside, Watcher World appeared successful. But the number of incidents within the park began to stack up, beginning in 2003.
Footage has cropped up online of physical fights breaking out within Watcher World’s grounds between friends or family members. The “Honorary Sniggle” buttons also became a cause of fights breaking out within the park. Medical reports came in of people hallucinating Blinky in dreams and when awake, claiming that he was “always watching them”.
From what I could gather, the citizens of Hatchetfield as a whole were undeterred by this, many of them going to the park on a weekly basis.
Then, on October 31st, 2005… the park was boarded up like it hadn’t been used in years.
Was this a product of the incidents to avoid lawsuits? The unprofessional attempt of the owners to abandon responsibility for its upkeep?
Why?
And why was no one fazed when it happened?
—
Ok…this was going to be the part where I concluded my findings with a reflection on human nature, on overambition, on the greed of a capitalizing venture of a small town.
But I’m going to be perfectly honest with you…this isn’t a cut and dry history story.
And I’m scared of what it reflects back at me.
You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been vaguer than usual regarding the names and details of designing going into the development of the rides, the attractions, the live shows, and even the characters of Blinky and the Sniggles themselves.
Well, that’s because despite my best efforts, I cannot find any of this on record. I have contacted Hatchetfield city officials, the former owners of the now-abandoned boardwalk, and anyone who’s captured footage on tape if they knew the cast members or the park’s proprietors. Nothing.
And..ok, look, there’s something I haven’t said. I was able to find through archival digging a plot of the Waylon land from 1910. Within one the pages, in some…incredibly unreadable script, is a photocopied weathered diagram of Watcher World attractions.
I…was this planned? How? I don’t want this to sound like a low-grade creepypasta, but…
I am… so tired.
And yet! This Blinky doll! This thing I bought for a 5 second gag…I’m so sorry to all my scopophobic viewers (which arguably you probably won’t be watching this anyway), but I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. It…stares at me while I type these words and it will stare at me while I edit this footage.
I’m…not going to threaten killing or incriminating myself by going to the old Watcher World grounds. I… don’t know quite how to end this.
*The camera zooms out from the video, showing a live action shot of Kevin at his computer, the last line of this script having been typed. We do not see his face. He sighs.*
You can’t rest just yet, can you?
*Kevin gasps and turns in his chair to see the Blinky doll staring at him. His voice rings in his head.*
I’m always watching! With a thousand eyes. But you knew that, didn’t you?
*Kevin is suddenly out of breath. We finally see his face. His eyes are purple.*
“Y..yes.”
Then give them a reason to watch. That’s what you do best.